Original subtitles

[ Alarm chimes ]

[ Cellphone clicks ]

♪♪

♪ I do what I want, I'm a boss... ♪

♪ Got my own job, no rules, I'm bad, I'm bad ♪

♪ See you try to get like me ♪

Hey, guys.

What's up?

It's Annika, and welcome to "Wake Up Wednesday,"

sponsored by Girl Glow Beauty.

♪ I'm bad, I'm bad ♪

I'm starting my day looking rested and refreshed

thanks to their cooling sleep mask.

Be sure to use my discount code, ANNIKA20.

♪ You know that I'm... ♪

♪ Get paid just to tell you how I live ♪

♪ Throw shade, but... ♪

[ Cellphone beeps ] Alright, guys.

So I always start my day with their Pearlies toothpaste.

♪ I do what I want, I do what I want ♪

♪ I'm a boss...boss...boss ♪

♪ I'm a boss, I'm a boss ♪

♪ I do what I want, I do what I want ♪

FDA approval pending, but the results are not.

The smile speaks for itself.

♪ Got my own job, no rules, I'm bad, I'm bad ♪

♪ See you try to get like me, make me laugh, make me laugh ♪

Something not everybody knows about me is that I love coffee.

I get a giant iced latte with two pumps Cinnamon Dolce,

and always in a reusable cup.

Do you know what single-use plastic is made out of?

Petroleum, A. K. A. oil, A. K. A. war in the Middle East.

Man: Get out of the bike lane! Oh, shit, aah!

Yeah, we're going there today. [ Woman screams ]

Oh, and speaking of the Middle East,

you guys have got to try this new Moroccan oil

for your skin.

[ Fingers tapping, cellphones vibrating ]

[ Notifications chiming, tapping, vibrating continues ]

♪♪

Hey, guys.

Going live.

While we wait for a few more people to go in,

some of you had some questions about my wake up tutorial

that I posted this morning,

so I figured that I'd just do a quick Q&A before class.

But first, drop some hearts if you're feeling my lewk.

Aww, thank you, guys.

I'm feeling the love.

[ Electricity crackles, microwave pops ]

[ Notifications chime ] Okay.

Fire emojis?

I didn't know I was killing it like that.

Guys. [ Electricity crackles ]

Guys! [ Fire alarm beeping ]

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Get some water.

Kiela: Okay, um...

Stay back, stay back. [ Screams ]

[ Fire extinguisher sprays ]

Bro, watch out.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Go, go, go, go!

Okay, guys, stay tuned for some hot tips

on fire safety tomorrow.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart beating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

You think this is salvageable?

Okay.

[ Cellphones vibrating, fingers tapping, notifications chiming ]

♪♪

Guys, are we addicted to our phones?

What?

Bro, no. We're good.

Um, hey, guys.

Can I get a selfie?

You're American heroes.

[ Cellphone camera clicks ] See?

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Bro, it's all Gucci.

No one got hurt.

Who knew you couldn't microwave foil?

Literally everyone.

Yeah, and because you weren't paying attention,

you almost sent us all to our fiery grave.

Grave, that's it!

Wordle in 3.

Yeah, we need to take a break from our phones.

Dude, you're more obsessed with your phone than any of us.

You tried to use Apple Pay to give a homeless guy change.

Mm.

Okay, "obsessed" is a strong word. Okay.

But I do think a digital detox would do us all some good.

Pass. Phones aren't some unnecessary evil.

They're just a part of life now.

Would you detox from clean water or antibiotics?

It's a little different.

Yeah, and some of us are using our phones

to get into good trouble,

like, the, um, three online petitions I just signed.

Sure, but I feel like a lot of us are using them

for no good reason at all.

Um, I pretty much only use my phone to text Yazmine

while she's away with the swim team.

Really? What's your most-used app?

Panera Rewards?

Hmm.

My name is Zaara Ali, and I'm an addict.

Exactly. And I feel like most of us

spend the bulk of our waking hours

on fantasy football apps and getting the Wordle.

Uh, it's not always the Wordle.

Sometimes it's Quordle or Heardle or Framed or --

Yeah, we need to take a break.

Alright.

How about we make a bet?

See who can go the longest without all this shit?

$50 buy-in, battle royale, last man standing -- or woman.

Who's with me?

[ Sighs ] I'm in.

Me too.

If Angela Davis didn't need a smartphone, neither do I.

♪♪

[ Clears throat ] Annika?

Junior?

Uh, I don't have a problem.

Spoken like a true addict.

[ Scoffs ] Okay, screw it.

♪♪

[ All sigh ]

Hmm.

♪♪

[ Notification chimes ]

Oh, sorry.

I forgot I'm on RA duty. [ Chuckles ]

[ Fingers tapping ]

Oh, wait, does -- does this count?

You bet your ass, bucko.

Okay, you know what?

You better watch it, because you're gonna need me

when you don't know what time it is.

So, we're all set for your speech

at the Color In Tech conference next month.

Oh, but we still need to lock down a third panelist

for the Diversity in Virtual Reality panel.

Mm.

What about, um, Ibram X. Kendi?

Oh, see, I've reached out to him before.

He's a tough get.

Well, he's gonna be at Ava DuVernay's premiere party

for her new doc tomorrow.

Okay. I've got a plus one,

so maybe we can go together and see if he can't be convinced

after a few glasses of champagne.

Great, yeah. It's a date. [ Chuckles ]

I mean, obviously, it's not a date.

I've got a boyfriend.

Yeah, no. I got a girlfriend, so.

Um. Yeah.

We can just be two people in committed relationships

fighting for social justice...

at a party where I hope to get a selfie with Adele

and Rich Paul.

Oh, so that's what it's all about, huh?

Well, yeah, you just never know

when she's going on tour again.

♪♪

♪ Yo ♪

♪ You should take a selfie ♪

♪♪

♪ You should take a selfie ♪

So, with the help of 20th-century dumb technology

like alarm clocks, maps, and newspapers,

I was able to last the whole day without my phone.

♪ You should get a selfie stick ♪

Ooh, wonder if the others can say the same.

♪♪

So you just lay there and don't move?

Yeah. It's called "soaking."

Huh.

You sure know a lot of ways to have sex without having sex.

Thank you. Junior: What's up, guys?

How we doing over here? Hey.

Anybody ready to sell their firstborn

for a Candy Crush fix?

No, it's -- it's actually not going too bad.

I mean, we're learning a lot about each other.

I had no idea that Lauryn knows so much

about technical virginity. Oh.

She's like a religious Urban Dictionary.

I am.

So you guys aren't having any issues?

No. We're doing fine.

But, uh, this line of questioning

leads me to believe you might be struggling, Junior.

Who, me? Uh-huh.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm good. I'm good. You sure?

'Cause I caught a glimpse of the news,

and this guy with a perm said that the Dow was dropping.

It is?

Yeah.

Cool! Cool, cool, cool, cool.

That's -- No, that's totally fine.

This is, uh, something I'm mentally, emotionally,

and financially prepared for.

Will you excuse me? Mm-hmm.

Not doing good.

Speaking of people struggling...

How you holding up, honey?

What do you mean? I'm good.

Wow.

I thought you would crack first.

Why?

Um, 'cause you can't do anything without being on your phone.

I mean, at our last movie night,

you were double screening so hard,

you asked which one was "the Batman."

Wow. Typical man.

Can't believe a woman can multi-task, huh?

Oh, come on.

You gotta admit, the phone is a big part of your personality.

I mean, I can't even imagine you without it.

Exactly, like Batman without Robin.

She's not gonna get that one.

I am more than the devices I use.

You know that, right?

Yeah. Sure. Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God! You don't.

You think I'm basic. Basic?

No, no, no. Not -- Not... No. No. No. No, we -- No.

Not at all. I am not basic,

and I hope that when you guys pick up your phones,

they both have cracked screens.

She's definitely gonna post a story about us.

Oh, for sure.

Hey, Professor Jackson.

I was just heading to your office hours.

I had a question.

Well, I'm, um, happy to see you finally decided

to engage in my material.

Shoot.

Do you think I'm basic?

Okay. You know this is not what office hours are for, right?

Don't you have friends or someone

you can talk to about this?

Who do think called me basic?

Okay, well, look, I-I can tell you

that it doesn't matter what people think,

but I know enough to know that doesn't work.

Plus, it's a slippery slope

to wearing Jesus sandals with socks,

telling dad jokes, invading Iraq.

You know this isn't one of your lectures, right?

You don't have to take three hours to get to the point.

Okay, one, that hurt my feelings.

Two, college is an opportunity for you

to expand your horizons, get out of your comfort zone.

All I'm saying is, there's a lot of stuff to do here, you know?

L-Look.

Young Republicans Club.

[ Snaps fingers ] Let's not do that.

We don't need another Candace Owens.

Film Society.

They're showing "Rashomon" today. "Rashomon."

Now -- Now, would a basic person watch a movie with subtitles?

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Okay, awesome. There you go.

Good for you.

Ganbatte. What?

Yes, that's Japanese for "good luck."

I, uh, watch a lot of anime, so bas--

Yeah, you're starting to lose

a lot of credibility with me, Professor.

♪♪

And that man my Pop Pop got into a fistfight with?

James Brown.

The football guy or the Godfather of Soul?

I'm not sure. The one who slept with my grandma.

'Sup, goofballs?

[ Fingers tapping, cash register notification dings ]

You caved?

This stupid contest was your idea.

I mean, I had no choice.

Analyst: And if you want to invest in pork futures, now's the time.

♪♪

[ Brain scanning ]

[ Cellphone unlocks ]

♪♪

[ Buttons chirp ]

[ Cash register notification dings, fanfare ]

[ Dreamily ] Oh, yeah.

[ Fingers tapping, cash register notification dings ]

[ Clearing throat ] Ahem. Ahem.

Oh, it turns out it was just the anniversary of swine flu.

I'm actually up three bucks a share.

Wow. You couldn't go phoneless for one day?

Smell that, guys?

Smells like bitch in here.

Look, my investments are worth way more

than some college bet over pizza money.

Besides -- Shame!

Ha ha. Very cute.

Shame! Alright.

All: [ Chanting ] Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!

You know what? Shame!

No, I don't need any of this, alright?

I'm gonna go argue about crypto on Discord

like the good Lord intended.

You guys enjoy living in the '90s.

Oh, and if you need something to entertain yourselves,

I think Target still sells Bop-Its!

♪♪

I'm not surprised Junior is so weak.

The other day, he got caught in his fitted sheet.

I hate when that happens.

Not fun.

♪♪

Wait, wait. What the hell?

We have to get the group back on their phones.

Ugh, I know. The text thread is so dead.

No one is responding to any of my memes.

I did! Yeah, exactly.

See, why are we being punished when they have the problem?

Right?! Neither one of us is on our phones right now.

Like, if they had an emergency,

they wouldn't just, I don't know,

hop on their precious devices?

Bunch of sheep.

[ Chuckles ]

You want to wake shit up?

I do.

Call me the alarm clock.

No. No.

Just follow my lead.

Beep beep, mother-- No!

[ Aaron chuckles ]

Mm, thank God. Real food. Yeah.

Those canapés from Ms. DuVernay were not cutting it.

Yo, I went to get a second piece of shrimp,

and the waitress slapped my hand away.

Mm! [ Laughs ] I'm starving, man.

[ Cellphone chimes, vibrates ]

Oh, my God. What?

Kendi already responded to my e-mail.

And?

Sounds like he's in for the panel.

Let's go! That's what -- Sorry.

That's what I'm talking about.

You know, I knew you had him when you told him

that the panel would be broadcast for free

to at-risk youth who are interested in tech.

That was a genius idea.

Very clutch. Yeah, yeah.

But when you started riffing with him

about the connection between anti-racist education

and the VR frontier, I mean, his eyes lit up.

I do what I can, but it takes two.

[ Chuckles ] Dream team, baby.

Yep.

♪♪

Whew! Excuse me, do you mind?

Can we get the check when you get a chance, please?

It's actually already covered.

Um, that couple over there insisted on paying.

They said that you remind them of their younger days.

Oh.

Oh.

I mean, if I had known they were paying,

I would have at least ordered a burger

for my boyfriend too, you know?

[ Chuckles awkwardly ] You know?

Yeah.

They're so sweet. Yeah.

Brad: It's just the blueprint for

so many films that came after it --

the use of multiple perspectives.

Kaitlyn: The concept of an unreliable narrator.

[ Sighs ] Sublime.

And I know it's clichéd at this point, but I have to say it.

Kurosawa's my favorite Japanese director.

Ahead of Ozu?

And Miyazaki?

Yeah. I don't know what to say.

Neither do I.

What'd you think of the film, Annika?

♪♪

I liked it?

Okay. Cool.

♪♪

Careful.

You know that the coach doesn't whisper in your ear

in the middle of a play, right?

Whoa, careful. Aw.

Don't be big grumpy.

You should be proud of yourself.

You're lasting in this competition far longer

than any of us expected you to. Yeah.

Because I'm a basic bitch, right?

Who doesn't get down with post-war Japanese cinema.

What, like "Rashomon"?

Oh, my God, I love "Rashomon."

Great, so even CTE and Country Bumpkin

can hang with the Film Society.

You guys are so deep,

and I'm just swimming in the shallow end.

You know what? I'm not gonna fight it anymore.

This basic bitch is taking her phone

and going to watch "La La Land." I'm over it.

Hey, guys. So, I'm officially back from my digital detox,

and, wow, do I --

[ Door slams ]

♪♪

[ Knocking on door ] Yeah?

Hey, friendo.

Caught the tail end of that Live.

Uh, how's it being reunited with your phone?

Well, "Digital Detox Challenge" is trending,

but I don't think I'll be going back

to dumb movie club anytime soon.

Yeah. I don't even know why you joined the Film Society.

It dos not seem like your vibe at all.

It's not.

I just wanted to do something

that people didn't think was superficial.

Why? Duh.

Because I'm basic, Junior.

[ Scoffs ] No, you're not.

Well, you're the only one who thinks so.

I'm starting to believe it myself.

Annika, you're not basic.

Sure, you're online a lot,

which people may mix up with being superficial,

but basic people are so insecure that they just follow the crowd.

You started your own following off of just being yourself.

You don't follow trends. You set them.

Maybe you're right.

I mean, I was the first to make Santal a thing.

Alright, let's not go too crazy.

Your favorite food is still ketchup and eggs.

[ Chuckles ] Say less.

But let's just say I wouldn't be friends

with someone who's basic.

Unrelatedly, I gotta go.

Maroon 5 just dropped an album, and I have been dying to listen.

♪♪

And I'm basic?

[ Door opens, closes ]

♪♪

[ Indistinct chatter on television ]

Wow, staying up to make sure I came home

without getting into any trouble, huh?

Man, I am chilling.

I ain't worried about you. I trust you.

Well, you shouldn't, because I just came back

from a date with a woman who is not my girlfriend.

Yeah.

Guess I'm done with that.

Alright. Buddy, hey.

Yeah? What's going on, man?

I thought everything was above board for you and Symone.

I thought so, too, but this premiere party

felt a lot like a date.

Okay. We dressed up, clearly.

We shared a car. What?

I put my hand on her back.

We were doing the step and repeat thing.

Wait.

Lower back? Shoulder blade?

Would I be coming to you if I put my hand on her shoulder blade, man?

It was the lower back. Right.

Right on the crevice.

Boy, you better hope Zoey stays off

Getty Images. This was not supposed to happen.

We both kept things strictly professional.

I never even thought about her like that,

and now I'm the guy who went on a date with another woman.

Okay, okay. Do I have to tell Zoey?

I have to tell Zoey. Do I tell Zoey?

I don't want to tell Zoey, 'cause I'm scared.

Okay, but did anything happen-happen?

No. But it could have. No.

So now I gotta do everything in my power

to make sure that that doesn't happen.

I've gotta be the male equivalent of whatever a nun is.

What are their names? The guys.

Male equivalents of nuns.

Don't worry about it. I just gotta be good, alright?

I'm breaking it off. Wait, wait, no, no.

But what about those fat Metaverse paychecks?

I can't go back to taking cold showers.

That shit changed me.

That's not as important as my relationship with Zoey.

I'm sorry, okay? Sorry.

I'm not gonna risk an entanglement,

because I won't survive a Red Table Talk. Right.

Nobody has!

Look it up!

♪♪

Zaara: Junior, I said leave.

[ Sighs ]

Perhaps selfishly,

I ended the competition a little bit early.

It had run its course, and I could not listen to

Lauryn explain jump-humping again.

Zeke, my boy.

Congratulations. Here's your phone back.

So I won? Uh, not quite.

You actually tied with Lauryn and Zaara.

So I won the men's division.

Wait, where is Zaara?

I gave her her phone back,

and then she kicked me out of our room.

Something about her having a lot of nudes to reciprocate.

I don't know. Oof.

Sounds like you're gonna be homeless for a while.

Oh, Lauryn, uh, don't want you to freak out,

but your phone wasn't in here.

Yeah, Kiela got me to break a while ago.

First word, first word.

[ Chuckles ] Let's try "fluff."

What a waste. Give me that.

Mm-hmm. Welcome to the loser's table.

Wait, you had your phone this whole time?

How come you've still been boring yourself to death

hanging out with us?

Because it was nice to do it together.

Aww, that's so sweet.

What children's book did you fall out of, again?

Wow, I guess we all really did learn a little something

from my silly little challenge.

That you've projected your phone addiction onto all of us?

That you're the worst competitor in the men's division?

That you're not secure enough to try new things on your own

due to a deep psychological fear of abandonment?

Oh, or that you --

Okay, that is enough learning. Thank you.

What do you say I Postmate us all

a celebratory Chinese feast?

-Ooh. -Yes.

Yes. Lauryn: Very good.

I'll just take three orders of fried rice.

Got leftovers in the fridge.

Got you, bro.

♪♪

Junior: On the surface... [ Cellphones chiming ]

...it might look like the competition

was a major fail,

but it succeeded in bringing us closer together.

In life, it's easy to get distracted,

with or without technology.

Phones are just an extension of who we already are,

for better or worse.

[ Electricity crackles ]

Oh. Oh! Again?

Oh, my gosh! Oh!

Kiela: Oh, my God. [ Fire alarm beeping ]

Hey, guys. So, um, quick poll.

Is Zeke a complete idiot, or is Kiela the worst RA ever?

[ Fire extinguisher sprays, indistinct shouting ]

Weigh in below.

Oh!

[ Video chat chimes ]

Symone: Hey. Hey.

Everything okay? What couldn't wait till I was in town next week?

No, everything is not okay,

and I think you can sense it.

Wait, did Ava find out that

you took that extra goodie bag? I told you not to.

Yeah, see, that's what I'm talking about.

It's -- It's the little jokes,

the senile lovebirds who paid for our burgers.

It's the reckless emojis we send to each other.

I just -- I don't think either of us want to go down this road.

What are you talking about?

It's not your fault.

It's me, honestly.

It's biology.

I didn't ask for this power, it was given to me.

And, uh, I've actually had scientists come up to me

and ask to study my pheromones.

And with great power comes great responsibility,

so I'm going to do what I know

you don't have the strength to.

What? Are you serious?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Please.

No more words.

You'll only make it hurt worse.

It's been a pleasure working with you.

Goodbye.

Wait...

Who was that, babe?

Um, a very confused co-worker.

Well, former co-worker.

♪♪