Original subtitles

Wake up!

Wake up!

Get up.

I look fat.

Look at that.

What's up with that?

♪ Show me the way... ♪

Hey, hey, hey!

- Hey! - You got to eat

or at least have something.

Mm. Thank you, thank you.

Come on.

Seriously. Okay.

Love you.

I love you. Bye. Bye.

I'll see you at the wedding. I'll be right behind you.

♪ ...to prove my innocence ♪

♪ And this active love ♪

♪ Is gone, and the scars go deep into us ♪

♪ And words are like curses, the ocean descends ♪

♪ And now we're alone ♪

♪ How did we lose our way? ♪

♪ There must have been unseen forces at play ♪

♪ There's dirt on my hands... ♪

Do you know her?

But, uh, these two girls have great hair and great teeth,

and, um, it's a good family.

These are two of the luckiest people you've ever seen

sitting right in front of you.

To... to Luke and Alison.

Yes. How do you follow that?

Um, an ancient Celtic wedding ritual

involved tying the bride and groom's wrists together

while they each took turns reciting vows

to be engaged for exactly a year and a day.

And at the end of this year-and-a-day promise,

they can choose to part without obligation,

or they could choose to repeat their vows

and spend eternity together.

Because this ceremony involves

tying the bride and groom's wrists together,

that's where the term "tying the knot" comes from.

After mason introduced Luke to my little sister,

I knew they didn't need a year and a day.

From the first moment they met,

they knew that they would spend eternity together.

So... I love you guys. Congratulations.

To Luke and Alison.

Oh, come here! come here! Come here!

Oh, my god!

I'm married!

To me. To me.

Okay, okay, okay.

Have a good time. She's mine!

Take care of my sister.

I will take care of her.

Walk up the stairs safely.

I will. We're gonna take the back way.

Bye.

Good night!

Man: All right, everybody.

It's getting to be that time.

The open bar will be closing soon.

Take advantage while you still can.

Only a couple more songs left,

so get out there and party down.

Sam, let's go dance!

Come on, come on, come on.

♪ Lately ♪

♪ You've been taken over ♪

Why aren't you with your friends?

Don't you want to dance with some of those...

Eligible bachelors?

Oh, yeah. They're hot.

I think they're out of my league.

So, why aren't you dancing with your girlfriend?

Mm. I don't dance.

Then I need another drink.

♪ Ooh, I tell you to stay ♪

♪ That's the only condition ♪

♪ It's in the way I feel ♪

Hey.

Hey. How's it going?

Oh, it's all right.

I'm... been trying to talk to this girl all night.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Just go make fun of her. Girls love that shit.

You're serious?

Yeah. Go do it.

Uh...

♪ take me in your lonely arms ♪

♪ Your lonely again ♪

Excuse me, miss. Uh,

I'm gonna have to escort you off the dance floor.

There have been too many reports

of your terrible dancing.

Where's your date?

Um... what? Where's your date?!

Oh. Um...

I think I got dumped.

That's terrible.

Absolutely terrible.

Man: Ladies and gentlemen,

let's slow it down one final time.

Our last song of the evening last chance for romance.

Congratulations, Luke and Alison.

Good night, everybody.

Man: Pool party!

Whoo!

Canonball!

Oh, my god!

Okay. It's okay.

One, two... one, two... One, two...

Oh, shit!

Oh, my god!

What are you doing?!

Get in!

No. You guys have cooties.

You've tainted the water.

Oh, whatever!

Oh, that tastes good.

Now I got to go get a refill.

Well, get the whole bottle.

No, no. You guys have had enough.

Did I stutter, Mr. Mason?

I said get a whole bottle!

Now!

All right. Jesus.

James. Yeah?

I can't believe you're here.

You smell like a man.

So do you.

It's my new fragrance. It's champagne and sweat.

I like it.

Upstairs...

♪ got time, got time and think about it ♪

♪ Time to share the love like this before ♪

See you later, Mason.

Thanks.

Come on!

Hot-tub time.

Well, are you gonna join me or just watch?

Hmm?

Oh, my god. Are you crazy? What are you doing?!

Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

This is fucking ridiculous.

What's wrong?

Are you too old to have fun?

Let me help you.

I give up.

Well, you're not really trying.

See, what you have to do Is...

Gently grab the fabric and

carefully pull it away from the skin.

It's pretty clingy.

Well, I give up.

Won't your girlfriend be mad that

you're in a hot tub with an 18-year-old?

Ooh. Hey.

Okay. It's getting really...

I can't even get it off.

You got to pull the... thing.

It's very expensive.

Oh.

Can I tell you a secret?

Sure.

I've had a crush on you since I was nine.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Tell me that you love me, lady, one more time ♪

♪ One more time, slowly ♪

♪ Till then I will float in silence gingerly ♪

♪ Consuming every tear ♪

♪ Maybe you can stay just one more little day ♪

♪ This time it would be Nice if you could fight back ♪

♪ Give me one good reason, baby, why I'd leave ♪

♪ Why I'd leave you here ♪

Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!

God!

Where have you been?

Why are you all wet?

You didn't answer my question.

Just tell me where you were.

You know where I was.

Answer the question!

I was with James.

Which one was James?

He has dark hair, tall. Brooke's date.

Wait. The James?

James James?

Boner Baxter?

I knew I should never have told you that.

So, did you guys do it? Yeah.

Well, at least somebody got some action.

Boner Baxter!

It was a wedding. How could you not?

I was in the hot tub with Olivia.

I knew she liked you.

You know she's like 10 years old.

No. She's barely legal.

Oh, my god.

It's okay. Nothing happened.

You better hope Luke doesn't find out.

Did you at least have fun?

Uh, yeah!

It's not every day you're in a hot tub with an 18-year-old.

Mason, I'm tired. It's... go away.

But don't go in wet pants!

Take it off.

"Take it off." Oh, my god.

"Take it off."

Don't blame it on me that you couldn't score.

Move over.

No. Move over.

Get... on your side.

And you're wet still.

That's disgusting!

Ow!

You want some of this?

Hmm. Let me think.

Mm-hmm.

Ooh, wet, stinky man,

do me now.

I came.

Hey. Hey. Hey. What?

Hey.

What?

Was he big?

He was good-sized.

Good night.

You're such a baby.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at... ♪

Hello?

How's the book coming, cupcake?

Thought you were on your honeymoon.

You're not supposed to be talking about work.

Yeah, honeymoon's awesome.

I'm just calling to check you're gonna hit the deadline

The publisher's been hounding me.

Okay, I just have to figure one last thing out.

Have fun,

relax, and stop calling me.

So, hey, you have fun at the wedding?

Did you hook up with any chicks?

I wish.

Sam hooked up with some old boyfriend from college.

Dude, I don't know how...

Whatever. Whatever works for you guys.

That shit wouldn't work for me.

I get pissed when some guy even looks at Ali.

Yeah. Well, we just don't see it like that.

Who... who was it?

Was it that guy who came with what's her name?...

The blond one... Brooke? Yeah, I think so.

God.

By the way, that chick and Bill are totally fucking.

Does Ali know about that?

Shelly's like her best friend, right?

Well, Bill said I can't say anything, so whatever.

But it's not gonna last. You know Bill.

All right, look... go hang out with your wife, all right?

I can't believe you didn't get any pussy.

Goodbye.

Patrick: And? How did the gowns look?

I bet everyone died

when they heard you made them all yourself.

Everyone said they looked great.

It was pretty much the only reason to go.

It was like my spring show.

And your only sister was getting married,

but whatever.

Hello?

Sam? It's James.

Hi.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

No. I'm just surprised you called.

I had a great time.

Uh... me too.

Would you like to have dinner Friday?

Friday.

Okay.

I'll meet you there at 8:00.

Okay.

See ya.

Bye. Bye.

I just got asked out.

By who?

My old college boyfriend.

Wait. What... what's Mason gonna think?

Oh...

Boner Baxter asked you out?

Oh, my god. Stop calling him that!

What did you tell him?

I told him yes.

I don't know. What do you think?

Go out with him.

Really?

Yeah. It's not a big deal. I've been out on dates.

I went out with that girl Sara.

You liked her. She was hot.

Yeah, but she wasn't your ex-girlfriend.

Don't go out with him, then!

Do you want to go?

Yeah, kind of.

Then go.

I love you.

I love you. Now eat.

What is this?

Maggots.

Aah!

Jesus!

I guess you're not the superior sibling anymore, huh?

Oh...

And now I'm gonna puke.

Oh, my god.

Stop!

I'm so sorry. Come on! It's okay.

Can you believe mom's hounding me for one of those?

Okay, okay, okay!

I mean, look at those monsters.

Can you even imagine?

I guess you're used to dealing with kids

since Mason acts like one all the time.

Isn't that why you wanted to get married...

To have a family unit?

Okay. That and the consistent booty.

Oh, geez. Speaking of which,

what was James Baxter doing at my wedding?

A little awkward.

You didn't talk to him, did you?

I did. A little bit.

He seems to be okay, though.

He looked surprisingly good.

Is Brooke dating him?

I don't know. Why do you care?

I don't know, maybe I'm obsessed.

You sound obsessed!

"Oh, James Baxter! He looked surprisingly good.

"He's so dreamy!"

"Oh, my name's Alison. I'm in love with James Baxter."

Oh, yeah! I want to kiss him!

"My name's Alison. I want to have sex with him."

Okay! Okay! Goodbye! Goodbye!

You're late. I'm sorry.

You look beautiful.

Did you miss me? Maybe.

On the other wall, there are going to be, uh,

some collections from other local designers.

But in the middle,

I'm gonna have pieces from other lines

that really go with the aesthetics of the boutique.

So that's my plan.

I'm sorry. I'm totally rambling.

No, no. I love it.

It makes my job seem boring in comparison.

No, it's not.

I think that real estate development

is totally... boring.

No, I...

Well, if by "boring, "you mean "Awesome," then

then high five.

Self high five.

Wow.

At least I know that you're still a dork.

You're just jealous of my awesome job.

Yeah, I just, um...

I never thought that you'd actually grow

up and get a career.

Yeah, well, I would have dumped me, too.

Look, um...

James, I have to tell you something.

Okay.

I'm sort of in a relationship.

Um...

It's not what you think.

It's... he knows about us...

Or about this... this...

He knows about us.

What... what do you mean?

I mean, Mason and I kind of...

Have an open relationship, I guess.

Nice spare!

Bullshit!

Clearly don't play European bowling.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

Mason Michael finch.

Uh, this is Olivia. Hi.

Yeah. Hi, Olivia.

How are you doing this lovely evening?

Fine. How...

Young woman: Tell him you're in love with him.

Uh, Olivia? Is that... is that you?

Are you in love with me?

No!

Who are you guys talking to?

Oh, hi, Mason. This is Olivia.

Listen, I'm totally in love with you,

and I want to have all your babies.

If you want to get started,

meet me at 51281st street. Okay. Gotta go.

See you tonight. Who was on the phone?

Sam: It's not like I'm a sex maniac.

I mean, when I was with you, I was attracted to other people.

I just didn't act on it.

Oh, that's good. We had enough problems as it was.

It's not a problem.

It's totally natural to be attracted to other people.

Okay, so... You're single,

But you have a boyfriend?

Yeah, sort of.

Okay, so, do you two still have sex?

Yeah. of course.

Uh, I guess

I'm a little more traditional than I thought.

Guess who just called me. My hot-tub girlfriend.

Or, actually, it was her friends, but anyway,

I was just calling. I was hoping you would pick up and

tell me what to do.

But you're not answering, so anyway, I love you.

Bye.

Can Olivia come out and play?

A few years ago, I was in new Orleans

with some girlfriends.

And we were drinking and dancing

and going crazy.

And there was this really cute guy,

and he was dancing with me all night.

And we were outside, and it started raining.

Everybody was scrambling for cover.

Jello shots!

And this guy looks me straight in the eye

and he bent down to kiss me,

and I totally freaked out

because I had a boyfriend.

And I left. I went to find my girlfriend.

Later on that night, I got a call from Mason,

and he told me that he just hooked up

with our friend Valerie.

So, what did you do?

It was hard. We were really confused.

I was upset.

I didn't know if we should break up or not.

But then I didn't know if I was just more

upset that I didn't kiss that guy in new Orleans.

So, after I came home,

we talked and we fought and we cried

and we stayed up all night.

And we realized that we were gonna stay together

and not break up

and just see what happens,

you know, and just be honest with each other

about how we feel and what we do.

So, how's that working out?

Pretty good.

♪ Fire from a stone ♪

Don't move.

♪ Baby, when you call me up on the phone ♪

♪ I can hear your number beating along ♪

How do I look?

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪ Beautiful.

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪ A beautiful lady.

Don't you want to kiss the beautiful lady, Kimberly?

♪ No one is in charge when I have control ♪

♪ I can tell you something when we're alone ♪

♪ No, no, no, no ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

God, you are such a lesbian.

I want to kiss the old lady.

♪ Sugar ♪

♪ That's how much I want to show you ♪

♪ That's how much I want to know you ♪

♪ That's how much that I could say ♪

Let's go downstairs.

♪ Baby, when you call me up on the phone ♪

♪ I can hear your number beating along ♪

♪ No, no, no, no ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ No one is in charge when I have control ♪

♪ I can tell you something when we're alone ♪

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

How far does your girlfriend let you go?

♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪

I don't know.

What, are you gonna make me do all the work?

♪ Uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

So... you told him about us...

About our night of passion?

Yes.

Yes. It's all about being honest.

Detail?

Like, about what?

I told him you were good-sized.

Don't you get jealous

when he hooks up with other girls?

Not really. Not if he tells me about it.

You were jealous with me.

I know.

I just feel like I've grown up a lot,

and being jealous was just...

Uh... being insecure.

Oh, well, I'm definitely not insecure.

But I-I still get jealous.

I mean, it's human nature.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I just don't feel that way.

Maybe you're just afraid of being alone.

Isn't everybody?

Your purse is vibrating.

Just ignore it.

Oh, what?

It's probably your boyfriend calling.

It could be my sister.

This feels like, um, wife swapping...

something.

We're just friends.

We're having a good time. It's not a big deal.

Yeah, well, apparently, I'm too insecure

to, uh, share you with somebody else.

Maybe I... maybe I'll call you when I grow up.

I had a nice evening, Samantha.

Very... enlightening.

Enjoy yourself.

Shit.

Mason!

Hey. You got my message.

Fuck you! Get in the car!

Get in the fucking car!

Get in the car now.

Get off! You're fucking out of your mind.

What are you so riled up about?

You're getting tested. What for?

You slept with that girl.

You didn't use protection.

You're getting tested.

I told you about that?

You are so annoying when you're drunk.

She's only like 19.

She's barely had sex with anybody.

Oh, yay!

You're getting tested.

Yeah, I love you.

You're ridiculous.

♪ Well, the river is deep, and the river is wide ♪

♪ And the girl that I love is on the other side ♪

♪ She wants to move to Kansas city ♪

♪ Move to Kansas city ♪

♪ Move, pretty baby, where the sky is so blue ♪

It's not like I told him I was into golden showers

and ass munching

and furries and crap like that.

Patrick: Wow.

You need to call him.

I can't call him.

He thinks I'm a crazy hippie or something.

No, no, no.

If it's one thing I know, it's how guys think.

If he actually hated you,

he would've stayed, gotten some, and then left.

Look, the fact that he took off before sealing the deal

proves that he likes you.

Awesome.

Look, girl, I know you want to call him.

You know, let him know things aren't so weird.

I don't know.

Come on, it's not like you can make it any worse.

Thank you.

Pick up the phone.

I will.

Now.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on. Give him a call.

Here.

No. Hey...

Just don't say...

I already hit "talk."

Hey, hi, James.

Hey, you've reached the voicemail of James.

Please leave a message.

Hey, James, it's Sam.

Uh, I was just calling to say hi,

and, uh, sorry

for, um, you know,

if you felt weird the other night.

Um, but if you

want to come to the art walk this weekend -

I-I don't know if you're going already,

but, if you're not, you can come with us.

And, uh, no big deal.

Just call me back. And, uh, cool.

Talk to you later. Bye.

Say "hello."

Crap! That sucked!

That was good, okay? And it wasn't so tough.

Now, was it?

I hate you.

You love me.

So, are you really into golden showers?

I'm not in... are you into golden showers?

Maybe.

Gross. You serious?

Whatever god gave us is okay by me.

That's from Jesus.

Mason: "And she thought as me, and I thought as her."

"And she and I asked with hungry eyes...

"Maybe.

"And the other girl asked"

would I say, 'Maybe my sunflower.'

"And I put my arm around her and the other"

And pulled them close to me

"So I could feel their thighs all moist maybe.

"And their breasts were heaving like mad.

And, 'maybe, ' I said, 'maybe I will, maybe.'"

Thank you.

Thanks a lot for coming by. Thanks.

Woman: Hi.

Hi.

- What's your name? - Jessica.

Jessica. Mm-hmm.

- How you doing? - Good. How are you?

Good.

I really loved your novel.

Well, thanks, Jessica.

I'd really love to talk to you about it sometime.

Definitely.

I think we could arrange that.

I'll see you soon.

Be right back.

Oh!

You're not supposed to be back here.

Um...

I'm really sorry about the other night.

What are you talking about?

About what happened with Kim.

Oh.

It just happened. I had no idea what was going on.

What's the big deal?

I just... I-I don't want you to be mad at me.

Hey, can you put this over here?

Right there. Yeah. Thanks.

Well, why would I be mad at you?

'Cause I feel like I really screwed things up,

and I'm... I'm really... I'm sorry.

Listen, Mason, you can do whatever you want.

You're like my big brother.

I'm like Luke?

No.

You're not like Luke.

It's just... you know, we grew up together.

Come on.

Listen, as cute as you are groveling,

I have to get back to work.

See ya.

I got my test results back.

I'm clean! Whoo!

- Aw, geez. - Let's do it!

You are such a prick!

Oh, come on.

Now I want you.

What can I do to make it up to you?

Those were yours.

I have to finish getting ready and you have to get ready,

we have to be gone in 30 minutes.

Okay, well, that gives me the 25 seconds I need.

Maybe I'll just... just do the couch

since you're not that into it.

You would.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, god!

This is so hot.

This couch is so turned on by me.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

I'm gonna do it again. Oh! Oh!

It could be Alison. Shut up.

Hello?

- James: Samantha? - Hey.

Hey, it's me. Are you...

No, thank you for calling me back.

Yeah, yeah.

So, am I still invited tonight?

Yeah, you're still invited if you... if you want to.

Okay.

I'll just, uh, I'll meet you there.

Yeah. See you soon.

Okay. Bye.

Mason: That your boyfriend? - He's not my boyfriend.

Hmm.

Whatever.

I'm surprised he called me.

Maybe somebody canceled on him or something.

Yeah, right.

Well, I know one thing... It's gonna be awkward.

Why? You're gonna get along fine with him.

Um, I'm not worried about us.

You guys are the ones with all the drama.

Oh, my god. Olivia's gonna be there.

Talk about drama,

seeing as you just banged her best friend.

Um, that girl was very forward.

All the sudden, she was, like, on top of me.

Really? Oh.

♪ I have to get ready ♪

Luke: All right. Get 'em up, get 'em up.

Here's to the greatest guy I know.

Me.

But this is to the second greatest guy I know.

Get on with it! I know.

I can't wait for the new book.

Fuck off.

Is there anything new around here?

What's the deal?

Free booze. I mean...

Yeah, we looked around,

but I've never been the type to just stare for hours on end

like Olivia over there.

Whatever. Yeah, I don't get that.

Like, is somebody serving nachos somewhere around here

like, one of the, uh... one of the galleries?

Jesus christ. There's Olivia's asshole friends.

Whoa. Is that James Baxter?

What is he doing here?

Look. Listen, I'll bring him over.

And you can tell him how much you love him.

Oh, right. I'm obsessed.

Ah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It's so weird for you.

Shut up.

- It's so hard for you. - It is weird.

It's weird I have to keep the shit a secret from my wife.

Well, thank you, from... from the bottom of my heart.

You're such an asshole.

Hey, hey.

Hi.

How you doing? It's good to see you again.

Hey, how'd that advice work out?

Um, fine. Awesome.

Honey, you remember James from the wedding, right?

Yeah.

Hey, you want to go check out another gallery?

I heard they're serving free food down the street.

No, I want to wander around here a little bit,

but I'll catch up with you.

All right, all right. Honey, want to...

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

You guys have a good time. Excuse me.

We'll see you soon. See you at the next.

Can I get you a drink?

That was awkward. Yes. A drink, please.

So, does it get any better, the longer you stare at it?

God. Stalk much?

Yeah, sometimes.

Hmm. You still mad at me?

Hi, Mason. Hi.

Your brother is a total creep.

He just told Josh to keep his hands off you.

Like, told josh.

Why? Everyone knows Josh is gay.

Whatever.

Let's roll, Tom. This place blows.

Oh, sensitive?

See you guys later.

Yeah, I'm... I'm out of here.

All right. Bye, babe. Bye.

Are you coming?

Um, I'll catch up with you later.

Are you sure?

Get out of here!

See you later, Mason.

Bye.

I'll still have a crush on you

if you get me a glass of wine.

Red or White?

Whatever.

Doesn't bother you at all?

I think it bothers you more.

I'm glad you came.

I was worried you didn't want to see me again.

Well, I wasn't planning on it.

But, uh, then I couldn't really find anything else

to do tonight, so...

Ah.

Plus, I love art.

Can I tell you a secret?

Yeah, I love...

Man: Get a room!

Fuck this.

Why am I wasting my time with you?

There are so many single girls out there,

and I come after you. Why?

Because you can't stop thinking about me?

Don't flatter yourself.

Then why are you here?

I don't know. I guess I'm just old-fashioned.

I want you all to myself.

Is that so wrong?

I'm not a piece of real estate.

Yeah, I know. You're a fucking rental.

Fuck you.

Damn it.

Oh.

♪ Creepy ♪

What's the matter? You don't like the movie?

Wow! Check this out.

Can you see my shape?

Um...

Oh, yeah!

I don't think you're supposed to do that.

Well, come on. Come here.

I told you, I'm not a good dancer, okay?

Well, no one's around to see.

Oh!

See?

Sam, I'm sorry.

Please, Sam. Sam.

I am so confused. I don't know what I'm thinking.

I thought you didn't want this.

I want you.

I've always wanted you.

Please.

Come on. Do you really want this?

Do you want an open relationship?

I am not a victim, James.

I just want you to be happy.

I'm going back.

No. I won't let you.

What are you doing? Oh.

We can't do this. We can't do this here.

What are you doing?

♪ Through this world you need no other ♪

Okay. I guess we're friends again.

Whatever.

Oh!

Oh, I just wish Samantha would talk to me.

She's fine, babe. Whatever. Just...

No, it just

always feels like there's something between us.

Maybe you should just go talk to her, right?

Oh, okay, talk to her about not talking to me?

You're brilliant.

God damn it, where is Olivia?

I really don't like those guys she's

hanging out with, man.

Okay, okay, let's go find her. All right.

Video sucks anyway. It's making me nauseous.

Whew!

You're looking at a dead man.

You tired?

Yes.

Probably 'cause you're boning boner Baxter.

Are you working again?

Scoot over.

Sam: You have art.

I read books.

I read this book, uh, "how to win a woman over."

Really?

Just by decorating your apartment.

It's funny how opposed to lying you are,

but you can't even tell your own sister about us.

Well, it's not lying if you just don't mention it.

Is that a time capsule?

It's a bread holder.

Bread holder?

"Breadbox" is the more technical term.

Do you want something to drink?

What do you think of this?

I think this story is ridiculous.

I think you're ridiculous.

You're ridiculous.

Cheers. Cheers.

Are you falling in love with him?

No. We're just friends.

Hey. What?

You can tell me the truth.

I just did.

Maybe we should go back to the way things were, you know?

Makes it less complicated.

It's not complicated.

Hey, mister, not so fast.

Dishes are done, dude.

No way. Yep.

This is it? That's it.

That's fucking awesome.

I'm really proud of you.

It's fucking awesome. Let's celebrate right now.

Let's go.

Shit. I totally would, but I Ali's...

Get up. I can't.

Why not? I got plans with Ali.

Cancel them.

No, I can't. What about Sam?

Doesn't she want to go party?

Sam's on a date with James or something.

I don't even know.

Come on.

You better watch out, man.

That guy makes a ton of money.

Like, chicks leave guys like you for guys like him.

Thanks for saying that.

I'm not worried, okay? Thank you for worrying.

Hmm. Well, you guys are freaks.

Well, at least I'm not a fucking eunuch.

You know,

at least my girl's not fucking some other guy.

Great. Great. You made your point.

Let's go. Get up!

We are out of here right now.

I want to be drunk yesterday.

Okay, okay, okay. I'll do it.

I'm in a rush! I'll call and reschedule.

Hello?

This is Sam.

Uh-huh.

Are you sure?

Thank you.

Mason: Hey.

Hey.

Nice to see... Mmm.

Nice to see you, too.

Where did you go?

That better not be the sink.

Luke and I went to the strip club

to celebrate my new book.

Classy.

Mm.

Let's do it.

Mason... you're drunk.

And you smell like stripper.

Listen. What?

We haven't done it in like a week.

I need to talk to you.

You... you don't love me anymore.

You hate me.

You hate me!

You hate me. You don't love me anymore.

I love you. I love you.

You don't love me. I need to talk to you.

Seriously.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Hello?

Olivia: Hey, baby, it's me.

Hey. Hey, what's wrong?

What's wrong? Can I come over?

Yeah, okay. Okay, come on over.

I'll see you in a second.

Okay?

Okay, bye.

It's Olivia.

She's upset or something.

Let's do it until she gets here.

You're gonna hurt yourself.

Okay. I'm sorry, though.

What do you want to talk about?

Nothing. Have a good time.

I'll just... I'll just see what's up,

and I'll tell her to go home, okay?

Huh.

God, I just... Hate my friends sometimes.

I mean, Amy and Kim... they just gang up on me.

It's like...

They don't understand anything I'm going through.

They're just so stupid and judgmental,

and for no reason, you know?

What?

You're so sexy.

Do you want to kiss me?

Maybe.

I want to kiss you.

I need to tell you something.

Yeah?

I'm a virgin.

You're not. Yeah, I am.

I just want you to know.

Fuck it.

Sam?

Hi.

I didn't know you were home. I'm... I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Don't feel awkward or bad about this.

I'm totally fine with it, seriously.

Are you sure?

I mean, I was a little nervous coming over here.

No. Yeah, it's totally fine. Don't even worry about it.

Have fun tonight.

Are you going to James'?

Yeah.

Doesn't this stuff ever bother you?

Not really. It's fun.

Do you ever feel numb?

I have to go.

I'll see you. See you later.

Oh!

Who were you talking to?

Nobody.

♪ You're wasting all your time here ♪

♪ Riding around in the sun ♪

♪ Don't think of what we can't be ♪

♪ I know what you need ♪

♪ And you know that you like it ♪

♪ Then let me believe in something ♪

I'm glad you came over.

Me too.

Mm.

Want some breakfast?

Hmm?

Mm, you're so sweet.

So, why did you come over so late?

Olivia stayed the night with Mason.

Really? Is this some kinky

three-way thing for you guys?

No, of course not.

It was just her and Mason last night.

Yeah, that's what you guys do, right?

James, spare me the lecture, okay?

Just fucking weird.

I love being with you,

but I have no idea what kind of relationship or

what kind of future we can possibly have together.

I'm pregnant.

What?

I'm pregnant.

No. This is fucked up.

Do you see how this is fucked up?

Yeah, I know.

I thought you wer on the pill.

I am. I was.

I don't know what happened.

I went into the doctor for my yearly exam,

and, I don't know, I guess he caught it before I did.

I was on antibiotics a few weeks ago.

So is it mine, then?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Are you gonna keep it?

I'm not asking you for anything.

I don't know. Part of me does want to keep it.

Are you serious?

I got to go.

Yeah. Maybe that's a good idea.

Yeah.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

Hey, Luke, what's up?

Hey, douche. I'm coming over.

I'm sleeping, man. Where are you?

No. No, don't come by. I-I got to get more sleep.

Ooh, yeah. Mmm.

Okay. nothing.

Look, I'm watching porno. Leave me alone.

Look, I'll come by later, okay?

We can talk about it then.

That doesn't sound like Samantha.

Shut up. Okay, bye.

You are trouble, Young lady.

Mmm. Mmm.

I had a lot of fun last night.

I had a lot of fun last night. Really?

I'm the lucky one.

You make me feel like a teenager again.

Oh, god.

Aw.

I don't want you to tell Sam what we did last night.

Why not?

I just don't want her to know that we had sex.

I don't want her to feel uncomfortable or...

She won't.

She won't. She doesn't care.

Please.

For me?

Okay.

All right. You promise?

I won't tell her. Yeah, I promise.

Swear? I swear.

Do you pinkie-swear? No.

Come on. You got to pinkie-swear.

Yeah, I pinkie-swear. All right.

Mmm.

Hey, thank you.

I can't believe you invited James.

Well, we invited him and Brooke,

but Brooke couldn't make it.

I can just uninvite him. No.

What's the problem with that? You guys are friends now.

We are friends now.

I just wish you would've told me that he was coming.

It's not a big deal. Forget about it.

What's going on with you? You've been edgy all night.

I'm busy. I've been working a lot.

You've been acting funny for a while.

Is there something you're not telling me?

Uh, no.

Are you having an affair on Mason?

Oh, my god.

'Cause you'd tell me if you were, right?

I'm your sister. You can tell me anything.

Thank you. You know, I don't understand

Why you and Mason don't get married.

Honestly.

Someone's gonna steal him away.

Jesus. Come on! I made this myself.

Sorry. What are you doing?

Fuck.

Thanks, Olivia. Mm-hmm.

Nachos.

Hot.

All right.

Okay. Well, be Nice to it.

All right. I'm gonna go get my chips.

Weighted, casino-quality chips,

'cause I'm fucking neurotic.

Mmm.

I had a good time with you last night, but we can't.

We can't? Let's do it in the car. No, no.

Come on, be adventurous. Let's go.

Oh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Got these personalized so nobody could rip me off.

The nachos are really good. Yeah.

You son of a bitch. Ohh.

Olivia: You know what? I left my phone out in the car.

I'm gonna... I'll be right back.

It's not a big deal, dude.

Oh. Hey.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Um, I brought beer.

Great. Thanks.

Um, come on in.

Thanks.

Wow.

Is that a handmade table?

Fuck, yeah, it's handmade.

Okay, I officially have no idea what I'm doing.

But the good news is I do have a 69.

Okay.

Might as well fold,

'cause you told everybody what you got.

So just...

Alison: Whatever.

So, how are things going between you and Brooke?

Olivia: I'm in.

Yeah, uh, they're... not very well. I'm in.

I don't think she's that interested in me.

Oh, that's too bad.

She could really use a guy like you.

Olivia: I raise!

Could you wait your turn? I haven't even gone yet.

You're gonna be out of the game if

you keep playing like this. Really?

Alison: I'm sure you'll have no trouble

finding a nice girl.

Oh, thank you, but, uh, best ones are always taken.

Uh, you okay?

Why are you drinking water anyway?

Have a fucking beer. Loosen up.

She's a deadbeat. Deadbeat.

All-in.

Oh, fucking seriously,

You better have a full house or something.

Mason: She's bluffing. I'm in.

All right. Me too. Let's see 'em, punk-ass.

Two pair. Read 'em and weep.

Three queens. Ah!

Yeah, well, let me show you guy show to really

play some poker.

Ow! I feel good!

Nice!

Girls, baby.

Has a full house.

Doesn't even know what kind of hand she has.

You are quite the hustler, you know that?

Um, I think I deserve another beer for winning.

Why haven't you returned my phone calls?

Luke: That's the point.

You don't even know how to play poker.

Sweetie, is this a good hand?

Just fold, baby.

I'm staying in.

Fine, I call.

I raise. Come on!

Olivia: So, how do you like being married

to my gay brother?

She fucking loves it.

Alison: I love being married. Do you love being married?

Yeah. Yeah, actually, I do.

You better love it.

How about you? You got a boyfriend?

Well, actually, There's this one guy.

Yeah, he's really cute.

I really like him, but I don't I don't know.

What don't you know? Come on.

Well, he's way older.

Oh, no. I know. Right?

And... but he also is kind of dating someone,

and he totally had sex with my best friend.

Oh, my god.

Luke: Best friends having sex?

Not your best friend anymore.

Whatever.

You know, I think this guy sounds like bad news...

Like, real bad news.

Yeah, I know, but the thing is

that I've just liked him forever.

And not only is he a hot kisser,

but he has a Jesus penis,

and you know what that means.

Okay! Jesus penis? You know what that means!

What does "a Jesus penis" mean?

Oh, you know, it's perfect, it's large.

Conversation's over.

Let's play poker... the reason we came here.

I'll, uh... I'll raise.

And I will, uh, call.

Yeah, I-I think you might be able to do a little better.

Just sounds like he's a little immature.

I don't think it sounds like he's immature at all.

He's apparently got a legendary penis.

I say, go for it.

I mean, he sounds like a fucking stud.

Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding you.

Luke: Could you guys fucking shut up?

The more I hear about this,

it's making me sick to my stomach.

Go get another beer.

Yes! Thank you.

Olivia, you're only Young once, all right?

Go get on that penis.

No, no, no, no, no.

Honey, honey, good things come to those who wait.

I promise you.

I mean, look at you and Samantha.

You guys are, like, the perfect couple.

You look cute and successful and in love.

Can we just play poker, please?

Well, I don't understand why you don't just propose to her.

It's easy.

Yeah, why don't you marry Sam, Mason?

Poker, poker, poker.

All right, is anybody still playing this game?

Look, all-in.

Luke: All-in? All-in, bitches.

Oh, bitches? Uh, I'll go all-in.

Nice.

What are you gonna do, man?

Sorry.

When are you planning on telling him?

When I have time to.

There's always something going on.

God damn it. You have to tell him.

And you have to tell your sister.

And you got to stop lying to the people who care about you.

It isn't lying if you just don't mention it.

That is so fucking cruel, Sam.

Look, when I saw you at the wedding...

And spent the night together, and I kept seeing you,

I had to deal with the fact

that you were in this

weird relationship.

But the reason that I stayed with you

is because you were so open and honest

and you made me feel so alive.

That's why I've been trying to make this work.

I care about you.

I love you.

I'm sorry for putting you through all this.

It's okay.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

What did you think I would say?

I don't know.

Were you afraid I would judge you?

I just wanted you to keep looking up to me and...

You were always the level-headed one, Sam...

The one who always thought everything through.

I'm the one who rushed into marriage with Luke

when everyone told me to wait.

I'm the one everyone thought would have the first kid.

God, maybe you were just jealous of me all along.

Sammy? Hmm?

Are you really sure you want to go through with this?

I don't know.

Can I even have a baby right now?

I want to start a business. My life would be over.

The best would be Christmas.

You bring you two boyfriends and your baby to dinner,

and, um, and mom will start preaching

about the importance of family values.

Oh, my god. Can you imagine?

Ohh!

So, how are you gonna tell Mason?

I don't know.

We used to be able to tell each other everything,

and now there's just something between us.

Well, you're in love with somebody else.

I'm still in love with Mason.

Then why can't you just talk to him?

Because I know what he would say.

He doesn't want kids.

What if it's not his?

I just don't want to hurt him.

Just spit it out.

Do it like a band-aid.

He's a big boy. He can take it.

It's harder than that.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing.

Don't look at me like that.

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Shut up.

Have some more pie. I think you need some more pie.

Come on.

Luke: This is... she's right in front of me.

I got to go.

Okay, bye.

Sam?

Jesus fucking christ.

I just got off the phone with Ali.

That was quick.

I'm just so happy I don't have to

keep you guys a secret from her anymore.

That shit was driving me crazy.

Seriously, listen. Listen.

If you guys need anything, you let me know.

Okay?

I'd make an awesome uncle.

Thank you. No problem, kiddo.

Well, now I should tell you,

the publisher loved Mason's book,

thinks it's gonna be huge. Are you serious?

Yeah. So I'm gonna go in and tell him.

That's great.

I know.

What the fuck?! Mason: Calm down!

Olivia: Luke, stop it! Luke, stop it!

Leave him alone!

Stop! Stop it! Stop it!

Luke, stop! Stop it!

Fuck you! Get off!

Luke:

Get your fucking clothes on! Get your fucking clothes on.

How the fuck could you do this?

You two are fucking sick!

Treating people like toys?

Hey, asshole, you fucking leave my sister alone,

or I will fucking kill you.

Go. Go.

Ow! Luke, stop! You're hurting me!

How could you bring a child into this shit?!

Shut up. What are you talking about?

He doesn't know?

Get out.

She's pregnant, asshole.

Maybe if you talked to her instead of

fucking my sister... Get out!

Let's go.

Ow! Fuck, Luke.

It's okay.

Get up.

Should have hit him back.

Oh, you know that wouldn't have solved anything.

Fuck! ow.

Hold this.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Why didn't you just tell me about you and Olivia?

I know you guys have been

sleeping together for weeks.

Why wouldn't you just tell me?

Who else knows? About Olivia?

No, about your fucking kid! What do you think?

Alison...

Ja... James.

Oh, Jesus christ, I'm gonna be fucking sick.

Whose is it? Is it his?

You know, that's fucking awesome.

You're always giving me shit about using protection!

You're such a hypocrite! Oh, that makes two of us!

No, I'm not fucking pregnant! I don't want a kid!

I never did!

I don't want a kid either.

Yeah, for all I know, this is

exactly what you've always wanted.

You are such an asshole!

I really screwed things up with Luke, didn't I?

You're in love with him, aren't you?

Yeah. Yeah.

I think I am.

Oh, don't tell me you're jealous.

Oh, I'm not. I'm not jealous.

Then why can't we talk anymore?

Because I don't want to talk!

You're such a fucking child.

You're such a fucking child!

Fuck you.

Fuck you!

Katherine: Okay, here's my plan.

A big fucking push...

50 cities, TV appearances, "Leno," "Letterman,"

and I think I can get you on "Oprah."

Sounds good? Sounds good.

Yeah, it sounds good! It sounds fucking great!

But you've got to come to L.A., darling,

even though you are probably the King of this town,

aren't you?

Yeah. So many gorgeous girls.

God, look at you two,

so cute, all dressed up like real men.

My son Keaton is about your age.

I can't get him to tie his fucking shoes,

much less

write a book or manage or whatever you do.

I don't know. He just can't settle down.

I guess life's just a shitload of fun

when you're up to your neck in poontang.

Okay, we've got work to do, darling.

Why don't you have your undertaker

go down to the lobby for a few minutes?

We'll need our privacy.

Katherine. Pleasure, as always.

Till next time.

What is his fucking problem? Geesh.

Katherine, I got to go. I'm sorry.

I'll be... I'll be back.

Do not keep me waiting.

Okay.

Okay. See ya.

Luke, come on!

Hold up!

Give me a second.

Soon as this fucking deal goes through,

I'm no longer your manager. Bullshit.

I can't fucking work with you anymore.

I can't be friends with you anymore. That's it.

All right. I said I was sorry. I apologized.

I fucked up.

What do you want me to say?

I don't fucking believe you.

I can't trust you.

I'm done.

Olivia's an adult, okay? She knows what she's getting

shut your fucking... just shut your fucking mouth.

Don't...

God damn it, why'd you fucking do it?

Of all the people in the world you could've fucked

around with, my little sister?

You...

What the fuck were you thinking?

We were bros.

You were my best fucking friend. We're still bros.

We're fucking not.

I lied for you.

I lied to my wife for you,

and this is how you fucking repay me?

I know Olivia only fucked you to get at me,

but it doesn't change the fact that you still did it.

You're not a good guy, man.

You're not.

You use people.

You exploit their lives for your trashy novels.

I used to think I was doing you a favor,

helping you sell that shit,

but it turns out you were just using me

like you fucking use everyone.

That is not true.

Ali told me the only reason Sam stays with you

is out of pity.

You know that? Fuck you.

You're like a charity case for her.

Who else would stay with such an ineffectual fuck?

You don't even have the balls to commit

to the one person who can tolerate you.

Better get back. Don't want to miss your date.

Have a lonely fucking life, man.

♪ I know I haven't been walkin' a humble path ♪

♪ I know I cursed at your name and then laughed ♪

♪ And though I found it inane to bend calf ♪

♪ The servitude of grovelin' framed as playin' task ♪

♪ I gotta figure, it can't hurt to ask ♪

♪ Suspension of disbelieving uniquely freak flash ♪

♪ Admission of the faithfully shaken, now trapped ♪

♪ 30,000 and droppin', it's on and poppin' at last ♪

♪ Keep me in the sky, that's all that I cry ♪

♪ I'll become your servant if it's worth your time ♪

♪ Keep me in the sky, that's all that I'll say ♪

♪ I'll become your soldier at least for this day ♪

♪ Keep me in the sky, that's all that I cry ♪

♪ I'll become your servant if it's worth your time ♪

♪ Keep me in the sky, that's all that I'll say ♪

♪ I'll become your soldier at least for this day ♪

♪ Keep me in the sky, that's all that I cry ♪

♪ I'll become your servant if it's worth your time ♪

Hey! What the fuck?!

Whoo!

Hey.

I got a good hit in. I landed a good punch.

What were you thinking, Mason?

God, I've known Jeremy since kindergarten.

He's a fifth-degree black belt.

Why were you kissing him?

Oh, I always hook up with Jeremy.

It doesn't mean anything.

Oh, my god.

Did you think you were, like, the only one?

Did you think we were, like,

"going steady" or something?

You don't know what you're doing.

Well, isn't this what you and Sam do...

Have fun, hook up with other people?

I can't believe you're jealous.

What a fucking double standard.

Shut up.

My head is fucking killing me.

Stop laughing. Okay.

Oh, god, Mason.

Luke swore he'd tell my parents

If he found out that we were still seeing each other.

I know my parents would freak out

and make me move back home.

Besides, my girls told me

that I shouldn't be seeing you anyway,

because you're gonna be a dad soon.

I mean, you can't have a girlfriend, a kid, and me.

Besides, that's kind of weird, dating a dad.

Uurgh...

I'll leave her.

I'll leave her for you. Oh, Jesus.

If that's what you want I will.

Oh, mason, seriously.

You would be nothing without her.

But... I love you.

I love you, too,

but I'm not in love with you.

And I don't want a boyfriend.

Are you dumping me?

God, Mason,

Why do you have to be so serious all the time?

It's not like you could really call this dating.

Sam: And the other day, I was in the park,

watching these kids play,

and I just started crying out of nowhere.

Can you believe that?

I never cry.

What the hell is wrong with me?

You've got some crazy decisions to make.

Why does life have to be so fucking complicated?

Because sometimes love

just isn't enough.

You speak English?

♪ My girl, my girl, don't lie to me ♪

You all right, honey?

Could be better.

♪ Come on, tell me, baby. ♪

♪ In the pines, in the pines ♪

♪ Where the sun don't ever shine ♪

♪ I would shiver the whole night through ♪ Hey.

Thanks for coming.

Yeah. Seemed like something we should do.

So, this I uh...

This is where we fight over the girl, huh?

What are you drinking? Mojito?

Can we get some beers over here?

Woman: Yeah, be right over.

♪ In the pines, where the sun don't ever shine ♪

♪ I would shiver the whole night through ♪

She kept asking me out.

She asked me out

four or five times before I finally said yes.

Even though I was canceling on her, I had...

I had plans, I was busy.

She's persistent, you know?

She's a persistent woman.

She Is.

Yeah, she's the kind of girl who...

Who knows what she wants

and doesn't stop till she's got it.

All right, guys, here you go couple of beers.

The shots are on me.

All right.

All right, here's to mason and his new book.

Oh, thanks.

All right.

Mmm.

Whoo! Ouch.

I... love... women.

You know?

I mean, not in the... not in the dirty way.

Well, that too, that too.

But I just... I love... I love the way they look,

I love the way they talk, I love how they smell,

I love how they taste.

I love getting to know them, you know?

I do. I like trying to understand them,

because they're all so different.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, it is true.

It's fucking...

To women.

To women!

All right! All right! Another round, another round.

Shots... shots, and then I got a story.

All right.

You know what they call this guy?

Do you know why they call this guy "Boner Baxter"?

Aw, shit.

When this guy was in college, the middle of the night...

No, no, if you're gonna tell it,

you got to tell it the right way.

I am telling it the right way, okay?

I'm a writer, all right? I'm an important writer.

Sit down!

So, fire alarm goes off, right?

And there are all these horny

horny dudes ambling around,

you know, trying to get a look at these little girls

with their skimpy little pyjamas.

And smack-dab in the middle of this hormonal fray

is this one lone gunslinger

with this big, bulging fucking ramrod

just sticking out for all the world to see.

It wasn't... I wasn't exposed.

It was... I had silk boxers on,

and it's a natural occurrence.

Ladies and gentlemen, the legend of boner Baxter!

It's a blessing and a curse.

You know... you know what your problem Is?

No. What?

You're so traditional.

You always do exactly what you think you're supposed to do.

Well, at least my life isn't scattered.

You will never really be in love,

because you will never be satisfied with anyone.

You want too much.

I bet... I bet... I bet

your plan is to be married by 30.

Well, I used to think that...

Married at 30, mistress at 40,

Porsche at 50, retired at 60, and then...

What a fucking life.

Cheers to that.

Woman: Cheers to that.

You know...

You are scared to death of marriage.

You feel trapped by it.

Mason: Whoa. Thank you,

Jesus, for coming into this room right now

and explaining my fucking life to me.

Who made you Sigmund fucking Freud, huh?

What... how do you know anything about me?

When did... when did the therapist walk into the bar?

I missed that.

Um, I think about three beers ago.

Thank you.

I-I really appreciate that, man,

coming from, you know, wise James over here.

Jesus christ.

Yes. All of those names apply.

You're just...

You're not very open-minded, is the problem.

You're right, but I... I am working on that.

Working on it? Yeah.

But you know what I am? I am a realist.

What does that even mean?

It means that you live in fucking fantasyland.

Fantasyland?

What the fuck is fantasy...

Is that a strip club?

The life you live... the life you are living

does not function in this society.

No. you're wrong.

You're wrong on this one. Am I right?

You guys are fucking assholes.

Guys just want to get laid.

No, see that's not always true.

Mm-hmm.

Because I love her.

I really do.

And this is fucking weird, because you're her boyfriend.

And I'm telling you this,

and we're not hitting each other.

Yeah, well, I'm not so good in fights.

I got your back, Amigo.

So, what are we gonna do, Mason?

I don't know, man.

I got no fucking idea.

Mason?

Are you here?

What are you doing?

It was supposed to be you and me against the world, Sam.

What happened?

What were you looking for?

I just... I love you so much.

I love you.

You're... you're my everything.

I love you, too.

Marry me.

Oh, Mason.

I've had it for years.

I-I don't know why I never gave it to you.

I'm sorry. I just...

What do you say?

You know how I feel about marriage.

Yeah, well, you know how I feel about kids,

but I'm still here.

I just... I want to make you happy.

I'm gonna quit drinking, okay? I promise.

A-and I'll never see her again.

I'll never see any of them again,

and you can... you can see James if you want.

I don't care. Y-You can...

Please, can we start over?

Please?

Do you really want me to tell you the truth?

Um...

No.

No.

Okay.

Sure. We can get married.

And we can have a bed

that's big enough for you and me and James

and the baby.

And we can even throw Olivia in there if you want.

We'll all live happily ever after,

and it'll be fun.

It's not your kid, Mason.

It's his.

Are you relieved?

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Mason: "And that final night, as we lay together",

"I came to realize that she didn't need me anymore.

"I was the one that needed her,"

the one that needed all of them.

"The next morning, she was gone,

"But her whiskey sweat and the stench of oiled leather

"Lingered for weeks.

"I never knew Lola emotionally,

"But at least I knew her physically.

And for a guy like me, I take what I can get."

Thanks, Doug,

for letting me read your inspired stories to the class.

I'm looking forward to reading everybody's papers.

If you haven't turned them in yet,

you can put them in my box

so I can get to them by the midterm.

Okay.

Your lecture was really great, Mason.

Thanks, Jenni.

A bunch of us are going to the gaslight later

if you want to grab a beer.

Some other time. I-I got work to do.

All right.

We'll miss you.

♪ And it's not my place to speak of these things ♪

♪ I know it's bad luck and curses it brings ♪

♪ But it's impossible for me to avoid ♪

♪ Or let your love I think I have destroyed ♪

♪ And I really should just let it go ♪

♪ It's clearly out of my control ♪

♪ I should be cold, I should be detached ♪

♪ Oh, but you would never fall for that ♪

♪ Are you still in love with the sound of your voice? ♪

♪ It floats all around above all the noise ♪

♪ And then it grows fingers and scratches my skin ♪

♪ And plucks my heartstrings till I let you in ♪

♪ And all is forgotten when nothing's forgiven ♪

♪ I know what you're holding, I know where it's hidden ♪

♪ Somewhere back in a memory ♪

♪ Is a younger hidden version of me ♪

♪ That's the message I want to transmit ♪

♪ That's the word I want you to go home with ♪

♪ All is forgotten when nothing's forgiven ♪

♪ I know what you're holding, I know where it's hidden ♪

♪ Somewhere back in a memory ♪

♪ Is a younger hidden version of me ♪

♪ That's the message I want to transmit ♪

♪ That's the word I want you to go home with ♪♪

Man: ♪ Hey, ladies, congratulations ♪

♪ Your search complete ♪

♪ Viklas is here ♪

♪ We have time to dance ♪

♪ Check your watches ♪

♪ Let all hair down ♪

♪ We are in club ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Hey, girls, you might recognize me from your dreams

♪ I want to buy you a big car that is silver ♪

♪ Relax ♪

I have something to tell you.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ooh! ♪

♪ If not broke, don't fix ♪

♪ Oh, so sexy ♪

♪ Girl, don't deny what is you want ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ Unh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ American lady love to dance ♪

♪ Take my hand, ladies ♪

♪ Romance ♪

♪ Well, well, well, well ♪

♪ Look at what I hear ♪

♪ Girls stressed from all week work? ♪

♪ Cubicles? ♪

♪ Water cooler? ♪

♪ Maybe come and party ♪

♪ Physical fitness ♪

♪ Take ride in escalade ♪

♪ Take you to my apartment mansion top ♪

♪ Feel leather jacket, then, I show you my secret ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ Dance, dance, romance ♪

♪ Just give Viklas a chance ♪

♪ Dance, dance, romance ♪

♪ Let Viklas into your pants ♪

♪ Go ahead, feel no regret ♪

♪ Tell your friends ♪

♪ Have them come see me ♪

♪ I do a hundred push-ups a day ♪

♪ Michelob ultras make me strong ♪

♪ So many moves ♪

♪ Stronger than pterodactyl ♪

♪ Number-one, 100% a-okay ♪

♪ What you say? You no trust Viklas? ♪

♪ That your first mistake ♪

♪ Your second is if you say no ♪

♪ Viklas will prove to the world ♪

♪ My little secret ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪