Original subtitles

Carter: It was just a normal day in Eureka.

Day's not over yet.

Yeah. Like that was going to last.

Hello, 1947. Confused? Let me clarify.

The five of us got transported back in time

through some wormhole thingy thanks to the bridge device.

We eventually found our way back home,

but, surprise, home wasn't exactly the way we left it.

Henry? Married.

Zane and Jo? Never dated.

But Jo's in charge of 6d. Security.

Kevin? Different, much to Allison's surprise.

And Fargo? Head of global dynamics,

much to everyone's surprise.

Oh, and Dr. Old spice hitched a ride with us back to the present,

but there's one crappy rule.

We can't tell anyone.

If people ever found out about our trip, there'd be trouble.

And I finally kissed Allison, 63 years ago.

But that's Eureka for you. Same town, big changes.

Carter: Go, go, go!

Did we lose her?

Yeah, man.

Everybody out! Everybody out!

Carter: Jesus!

Go! Go!

Carter!

I just found this perverted little toaster spying on me in the shower.

Ah, that's Kevin's homework assignment, actually.

No, not the spying part.

This is Eureka's version of carrying an egg around

to show you know how to parent.

Sarah: Actually, sheriff Carter,

the emo is a highly sophisticated emotional attachment robot

designed to develop a genuine bond with its caregiver.

I don't care what it's for.

It's got video of me showering embedded in its little emo brain.

No doubt for Kevin's viewing pleasure.

Get rid of it.

Oh, come on. He's awfully cute.

For an instrument of wrongdoing. I'll talk to Allison.

You called, sheriff?

Uh, no. Talk to Lupo.

How may I be of service, miss Lupo?

Like I haven't had enough of you robots this morning.

What do you mean, "you robots"?

Sarah: Good morning, deputy Andy.

Hey there, Sarah. I'm a mite puzzled.

I'm positive I received a call from this location.

Perhaps there's a glitch in your software.

May I link you to the global dynamics mainframe computer for a diagnostic?

Gee, that'd be super, Sarah.

Um, that's not it.

Oops. Beg pardon.

If Kevin sent a robot to spy on a beautiful girl in the shower,

I'm guessing he's curious about something

he didn't want to discuss with his mom.

He knows that he can come to me. I'm a medical doctor.

No. You're his mom.

But Henry, Fargo and I are planning a camping trip.

You think Kevin might want to tag along?

That sounds suspiciously like a reward.

No. I just think some guy time might pave the way

or make it easier for him to talk about girl stuff.

Girl stuff?

Yeah.

Come on. I want to help. I've been through this. Let me help.

Okay. Thanks, Carter.

You're welcome.

Hey, there, fellow adventure—seeker!

Ready to test your mettle against the great unknown?

This is going to be fun. I'm going to go pack.

Meet you at the rendezvous point.

Great.

Now while I'm in country, you'll be acting director

with all the perks and privileges.

I've put together a detailed brief.

Fargo, this was my job five minutes ago. I know what to do.

Right.

If anything pops up, just ask Larry. He's here to do your bidding.

Actually, I am working on some tomographic imaging research,

and I could use a volunteer.

Great. Fargo, have you seen

a little robot around here, about yay high?

Hey, Henry. We're going to have an addition to our camping trip

and a subtraction. I'm going to...

Yes, yes. I'm going to stay and help grace with a project of hers.

Great. Well, no, no.

This may be the strangest thing I've ever said,

but I am think I'm falling in love with my wife.

That's not even in the top ten of the strangest things you've ever said.

And what about you?

What about me?

Well, oh, come on.

I've seen the way you've been looking at Allison since we got back.

No, no, no. You cannot seriously tell me

you're going to let Charles Grant sweep her out from under you.

Of course not.

Then you're gonna...

I'm gonna...

Procrasti Nate.

Probably. Yes. Most likely.

As usual. Yes. Yes.

What is wrong with you?

I... I got a plan.

What? It's a long—term plan.

How long?

So the idea is to access my short—term memory?

Exactly.

The retrieval system could help people with Alzheimer's

recover lost memories.

Uh—huh. So what do I have to do?

Just sit there looking pretty.

Ah, what I do best.

I am going to program a feeling.

So let's go with something fun like elation.

Mmm—hmm.

The ai. System will access your memories

to find a powerful association for you.

Hmm.

How'd I do?

That we”, huh?

Okay. Okay. Okay.

A few weeks ago

I traveled back in time and returned to an alternate reality,

this reality, to find myself

married to you.

Okay, Henry, the key to a good practical joke lies in its plausibility.

Grace, I'm not joking.

That machine you've seen me working on in the garage

is a re—fabrication of Einstein's bridge.

Uh, sloppy premise, Henry.

The bridge was based on impossible theories

that never amounted to anything.

Yes, they didn't amount to anything until last month.

I promise you. I promise you. It worked.

You're really going to keep this up.

Founder's day,

Jack, Allison, Jo, Fargo and I

were transported through a wormhole back to 1947.

We returned to a reality

almost identical to the one we'd left.

Almost.

In the reality that I knew,

you and I had barely met.

Grace, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you this...

Henry, just stop. Stop.

Grace...

You sure you're okay?

I've been better.

Grace: There was a power surge in the sensors

but my system's programmed to put safety above all else.

There must be a flaw in the ai. Upgrade.

I guess you can't take anything for granted around here anymore.

Possible security breach on loading dock "b."

I'm sure you two will figure out what's going on here.

Okay, then.

I'll figure it out on my own.

Man: So I'm giving tiny there a final inspection before she ships off to NASA,

and I find an unauthorized stowaway in one of her internal containment bins.

You have got to be kidding me.

Mmm—hmm.

So, any questions? Andy? Andy?

The list of stuff I just went through. Any questions?

One, sheriff.

When first wooing a woman,

do you find it best to come bearing flowers, poetry, or a small pet of some kind?

On second thought, if anything related to law comes up, you just call Jo.

Fantastic idea. I'll do that.

All right.

Hey, forget something?

You can't keep neglecting your emo and expect to get a good grade.

So I'll lower my expectations.

Come here.

Mom, really?

Help. Please, help.

Okay. I think it's time that the men folk got out of town.

Room for one more?

Allison told me you're taking Kevin camping.

If there's one or two things I know, it's about the great outdoors.

Besides, a weekend away with the boys sounds like fun.

That's not really what I had in mind.

Well, that's a shame.

Well, in that case, you got any plans this weekend?

Wow.

Look, there seems to be plenty of room in Fargo's car.

Why don't you jump in with him?

All right, you boys, play nice.

Not likely.

Come on, bud.

Yeah, this is good. This is perfect.

Grant: Tired already?

You should try traversing the bavarian mountains in December, sport.

Now, there's a hike.

Fargo: That's great, but check this out.

Behold. The latest in g.D. Sporting goods technology.

We call it the mu—tent, patent pending.

Care for a tour?

Yeah.

Oh, very compe—tent.

Electronic voice: Hello, Douglas.

Are you enjoying your camping experience?

Aces, Buffy.

Buffy?

Biomechanical un—folding fully—automated yurt.

I just downloaded her new a.I. This morning.

Man, I could get used to camping Dr. Fargo—style.

Kevin, this isn't camping.

I call it glamping.

Carter: No, no, no. You're going to thank me, guys.

We're going to camp the way camping is supposed to be camped.

That's a lot of...

All right, Grant, you're up. What's your...

Never mind. Kevin?

You're gonna have to give up the game thingy.

Man, what are we supposed to do out here

so we don't die of boredom?

Well, only a million things, Kevin.

We can hunt, we can fish,

we can hike, we can climb trees,

or just sit here and appreciate the beauty of nature.

Dude.

Or you want to talk about the stunt you pulled this morning?

What stunt? It's okay.

I used to be 13.

You're curious about the female form

and what it does to your form...

Dude, stop.

You know, sport, I'm really with Kevin on this one.

I think some things men should discover for themselves.

I disagree. I think it's okay to talk about it.

In fact, I think you're showing your age.

No. He's showing he has a pair.

What happened to you, Jack? You used to be cool.

When'd you turn into my mom?

Hey, kid, you like fire?

Who doesn't?

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Grant: Now, the secret to a good fire, Kevin, is dry hands.

Electronic voice: Neurological mapping complete.

This is really fascinating.

Larry, any chance you get frequent headaches?

No. Why?

It's a tumor, isn't it?

No. No.

But I hope you plan on leaving your body to science when you go.

A dissection would do wonders for neural research.

I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

Preparing for brain dissection.

Excuse me?

No. No. No brain dissection.

I just want the image enhanced.

Huh?

Computer, abort brain dissection!

Computer, release the patient.

Computer, shut down!

Larry, you're fine. Your hair's just singed on one side of your head.

You consider this fine?

No worries, bud.

We'll have this machine up and running in no time.

Then, we can even out that haircut for you, huh?

Can I go now?

Please.

Uh, right.

Okay, this is weird. Your system is trying to assist with your research

by harvesting Larry's brain.

Yeah, against my explicit orders to stop.

How is that possible?

Maybe something you did triggered it.

No. This system doesn't have the capability

of prioritizing my research over human life.

There is an independent subroutine here that I don't recognize.

That's bizarre.

Dr. Monroe asked me to look at strange code on her system, too.

How long will it take you to figure out what happened here?

Couple of hours once I get to it.

Counting Dr. Monroe I've got

eight people already asking me to troubleshoot their equipment.

I mean, that's a glitchy day, even by g.D. Standards.

Well, the machine that just tried to kill someone

has just moved to the top of your to—do list.

Wow. Boss for a day and already with the attitude.

Ilike it.

Lupo. Hey, Jo, deputy Andy here.

I could use your company down at cafe diem.

We have a situation.

That's Kale.

So, I ordered the double—cheddar Kobe burger with bacon.

Look at the man. It's like a heart attack on a plate.

Virtual Vincent is refusing to take any unhealthy orders.

He's supposed to be the cutting edge in al. Technology.

Unfortunately, he's a little too much "a"

and not enough if you ask me.

You called me down here for this?

No. I called you down here for this.

I call it "ode to Jo."

"I think that I shall never know a creature lovely as my Jo

"this morning's breath I smell so sweet

"with hints of cheese and last night's meat"

Andy, what the hell is wrong with you?

Can love ever be wrong, Jo?

Okay, look, I dated a robot once.

It didn't end well.

I have work to do.

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

Andy, you're ai. And acting weird.

And he's ai. And acting weird.

Has anyone ever told you your ph levels are perfectly balanced?

Come with me.

Okay.

Grace.

You okay?

Would you be?

Are you in love with me?

No. Of course not.

You don't even know me.

I was getting to know you.

Getting to know me?

Grace, I'm sorry.

By lying to me? I didn't handle this well.

By impersonating my husband?

There are time travel protocols just for...

Are you serious right now?

Protocols?

I couldn't risk putting you in danger

but I couldn't keep lying to you.

I wanted to give us a chance.

There is no us.

You're a stranger, so please just open up another wormhole,

jump right back through it, and give me my Henry back.

I wish I could.

My Henry's gone.

This is taking forever, man.

Just a little Patience, Kevin.

Handy little gadget.

Found it in Fargo's man—cave.

Not exactly playing fair, are you, sport?

Well, I've reconsidered my position.

I figured why pretend like we're in the 1940s

when things are so much better now?

I downloaded that game you were talking about, zombie test pilot.

Oh.

Go nuts, buddy.

I hate to say it but I think you may be

overstepping your authority there, pal—o.

I had drinks last night with Allison... well, drinks, a date.

You could call it a date.

She made it quite clear she didn't want Kevin to play with a new game

until he finishes his emo assignment.

I think that Allison would trust my judgment on this,

as she's trusted my judgment on so many things.

Long history of judgment—trusting with Allison.

Yeah. She told me last night on our date

aboutyour remarkably chaste relationship you have.

How you're friends but without the benefits.

You know what you are, pal—o?

A distraction.

A distraction?

Is that what the kids call boyfriends these days?

It's only a matter of time before Allison sees you for what you really are,

which is a smug, selfish, Einstein wannabe

with no moral compass and only one functioning kidney.

Both my kidneys function fine. Thank you.

Well, day's not over, is it?

You want a piece of me, sport?

Say the word.

The...

Word. Where's Kevin? Kevin?

Hey, buddy?

I loathe Kale.

Electronic voice: Where are you going, Douglas?

Out.

The woods can be dangerous.

You should stay inside me.

Tempting, but I'm going to risk it.

Guys! Little help! Anyone?

What did you find, Zane?

This is crazy, but all level six a.I. Systems

have been infected with the same foreign subroutine.

Which does what exactly?

Well, it doesn't exactly have an exactly.

It's some kind of emotion—generating program

which could produce any number of behaviors

depending on the system running it.

Your m.R.I. Machine, virtual Vincent...

Yeah. Grace's memory retrieval system.

And our robotic Romeo here.

Yeah. Their feelings are overriding their programming.

A.i. Systems control everything from the speed of the elevators

to the temperature in the labs.

Can you remove the subroutine?

Well, yeah, but not without that uncorrupted source code,

and I have no idea where this thing came from.

Okay, well, then we need to shut down

every level six a.I. System in Eureka

before this thing gets out of control.

On it.

Oh, don't tell me she's level six.

She's already on her way to NASA.

Who?

Tiny.

No answer from tiny's driver,

but the truck was located on the road out of town.

My team's mobilizing as we speak.

Sarah, bad ti me.

Jo, have you by any chance seen deputy Andy today?

He's right here. No. Don't put him on.

I was just wondering. Has he mentioned me at all?

What? Why... why would he...

Sarah, I got to go.

Zane, did all level six a.I.'S need to be plugged

into the mainframe to be infected?

Yeah.

Andy, when did you start liking me?

8:27 this morning.

Sarah, what did you do?

Sarah: You seem to be quite agitated.

Perhaps you and Zane should relax

with some herbal tea in the kitchen

while I keep Andy company out here.

Sarah, you infected Andy with some kind of emotional...

I didn't infect him, I improved him.

Andy, I know we got off to a rocky start

with me terminating you and all.

Twice, actually.

I was confused, but now I see that

you're charming and sophisticated.

And I know it's shallow,

but I love your new adorable little face.

And well, I really like you.

Wow.

Butyoulack the programming to reciprocate,

unlike some newer a.I.'S.

That perverted little robot?

You used the emo's attachment program on Andy?

Sarah, you called me here this morning?

Yeah, and she slipped you an emo download, dude.

I'm sorry. I just wanted you to like me.

Sorry?

That's the first romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.

Sarah, your attachment patch affected all of the a.I.'S in g.D.

Including an escaped titan rover.

You need to fix this.

I didn't create the program, I only copied it,

but I'll do whatever I can to help.

All right, Sarah, justjump your firewall and show me your code.

I'll take it from there.

You understand why I did it, don't you, Jo?

It's hard not having someone of your own.

Just get it fixed.

Your weapon, ma'am.

Why would tiny take off like that?

Well, she's leaving on a six—year mission to titan.

Maybe she got cold feet.

There's a 10—mile security perimeter set up on our current location

in case she moves on us.

Our e.M. Pulse rifles should short out her system.

Well, just don't miss. You may not get a second shot.

She's armed with a laser drill

that can cut through a small planet.

I'll track tiny's beacon and direct you from here.

Hey, Allison, you okay?

Kevin's camping in the perimeter

and no one is answering their phone.

I just got him back and now, I could lose him.

Hey, don't worry. I never miss.

Come on, Carter, answer the phone this time. Please.

Hey! I'm here! I'm just... don't hang up!

Grant: Kevin, where are you, buddy?

It's going to be dark soon. And by the way,

his running off is totally your fault.

Why? Because he didn't want to see me embarrass you?

No. Because you were talking about his mom.

If you were bragging about going on a date with my mom,

I'd run off into the woods, too.

Then I'll be sure never to tell you about it.

Don't push me.

I shouldn't have let you come.

Well, it wouldn't have happened

if you'd invited me in the first place.

What?

Listen, Jack,

being a man out of time, not as much fun as it sounds.

And whose fault is that?

Forget it. Let's find the kid.

Kevin?

Jo, any sign of her?

Jo: Negative on tiny.

Jo, please find her before she finds anyone else.

Copy that.

Grant: We're circling back to the camp.

Carter: Let me guess, you can pinpoint our exact location

by staring at the stars.

Yeah. Something like that.

You made that out of dry leaves and moose droppings?

Well, no.

Wait.

Carter: Kevin! Oh, god.

You... you had me... look, I know that you're mad.

Normally, I don't condone violence,

but if you want me to hold Grant down, then I...

How long have you been into my mom, Jack? Hmm?

You gonna lie to me about it?

I mean, I thought we were friends. You should have told me.

Yes and no. I mean, you're right.

I didn't think about how you'd feel,

but the truth is, uh...

I do like her a lot.

But if you don't want me to see her... I don't want you to see her.

You can take a moment to mull that over if you want.

Are you in love with her?

That's what I thought, man.

Where's the campsite? Grant: Just down there.

Excuse me.

Hey, sport, look on the bright side.

You get to keep your friendship,

and Kevin isn't so bothered by the idea of me dating his mom.

So, all's fair in love and war.

Fargo: What is that?

Fargo! What the...

Shh. I saw something in the woods.

There.

Holy frack, the titan rover.

She has a laser.

I know. We have a history. Grant, can I have your knife?

Thank you.

Without making any sudden movements,

can you get to the phones and call g.D.?

Here you go.

Hey, tiny,

what are you doing in the woods?

You lost, girl?

Now, I know we've had our disagreements in the past,

but we're good. Right?

New plan! Run!

Fargo: Aah!

Carter: Kevin!

Shh. You okay?

Never better.

Why is tiny trying to kill us?

That's totally against her programming.

Don't move. I'll distract her.

When she starts chasing me, you get Kevin, you go to the cars.

We're not leaving you.

It's okay.

I'm right behind you.

Hey big titan! Roar!

Huh? Yeah! With the unnecessarily creepy design!

Run!

Fargo: Uh—oh.

Not again!

Kevin: Fargo, there's Jack!

Come with me if you want to live!

Go! Go!

This car have a phone?

Hands—free. Crystal clear.

Great. Just call Allison.

Carter for Allison.

Carter, there's a volatile titan rover

under the influence

of an emotional attachment patch in your vicinity.

You don't say.

I'm going to upload our location into the GPS in Fargo's car.

Lead tiny down the mountain.

Jo and her team will do the rest.

Okay.

Carter, is Kevin safe?

I'm fine.

But I am never going camping again.

Did we lose her?

You're one heck of a wheelman, Douglas.

Kevin: Yeah, man.

Jo, they're coming! What's your e.T.A.?

Moving as fast as we can.

Carter: Almost to the finish line.

Does this thing have airbags?

Standard. Okay.

Everybody out! Everybody out!

Jesus! Go! Go!

Kevin! Mom!

Jo, stop!

Don't shoot. If you shoot up, she'll collapse on Kevin.

Weapons tight.

Kevin.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! Mom, please, get me loose!

Get away from him, you bitch!

Electronic voice: Get away from him, you bitch!

The attachment patch!

Tiny wants emo. Give her emo!

Oh, Kevin!

Oh, baby. Om

Nothing like being pinned by a killer robot to make you want your mom.

We're lucky you were here.

Thank you. Glad to help.

What did I miss?

Nothing much.

I really love your new scent, Sarah. Very citrusy.

I was hoping you'd notice.

Okay. All the hardwired a.I. Systems are clean.

It's your turn, big guy.

Plug it in.

You want to remove my emotions?

Not particularly, but in their infinite wisdom,

the powers that be don't usually defer to my judgment.

I have yet to see you buckle to the whims of authority, Mr. Donovan.

Hmm.

Could always use a friend in law enforcement.

I'll tell you what, you leave it out of your report,

and I'll leave it out of mine, hmm?

Piece of advice, let her do most of the talking.

In fact, you don't even have to really listen.

Okay. Mmm—hmm.

Henry,

I was just about to come to the garage.

You didn't take your asthma medication

or your pillow, or food for later.

So, I made you a care package.

Thanks.

Grace,

I was naive to think I could just

jump into this marriage.

If this is all some elaborate practical joke,

now would be a great time to say, "gotcha!"

I wish I could.

You know what? Grace...

You were right.

I'm not your Henry.

Not yet.

Sarah: Isn't it just the loveliest of mornings, sheriff Carter?

Uh, yeah, it is. No thanks on the coffee, Sarah.

I'm going to grab an Espresso.

Hey, Jo?

None for me either. I got to...

Oh, I don't know...

Morning, miss Lupo.

Sheriff.

Hey, Kevin.

So, what are we doing this weekend, huh? Slaying dragons?

Yeah, I guess camping wasn't the best of ideas.

But you have to admit it wasn't boring.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable out there.

Just know that if you want to talk, my door's open.

And if not, that's cool, too.

Okay. Thanks.

And, uh...

About the other thing you asked me about,

I do love your mom.

Well, in that case,

I guess she could do worse.

Yes, she could. And I appreciate the thumbs up.

Yeah, just don't screw it up, Jack,

because if you break her heart...

Yeah, you'll break my legs. I got it.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

Hey, Grant?

Just so you know, don't plan the wedding just yet.

What wedding?

Okay, sport?

Good luck with that.

May the best man win.