Original subtitles

Come on, Allison, no standardized test can tell me

whether I'm fit to do my job.

Biannual recertification exams are required by the dod. To keep your job, Carter.

Make sure you're not slowing down in your old age.

Well, I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm like a viking.

These aren't your standard fitness tests, Carter.

Well, how hard can they be?

Well, the exams are unique to each individual.

For the next 48 hours, they will try to push you to your limit,

physically, psychologically and emotionally.

But don't worry.

We haven't had a death or psychotic break in, like, forever.

That's reassuring.

Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. I'll check on what's left of you later.

Seriously?

Hey! Holy cow, Jo, you okay?

Are you kidding? That was awesome.

Is this the next victim?

Oh, sheriff Carter, this is Dr. Bella pagani. She'll be running your exam.

Hi. It's a pleasure.

Trust me, it won't be for long.

Hi, Fargo.

Hey, Julia.

So, how did my deputy do?

She's perfect.

No surprise there.

Stop it. I'm blushing.

No one expects you to match deputy Lupo's performance, sheriff.

Well, that's a relief.

Take these, and try to get some rest.

The test can sometimes have side effects.

This is your panic button.

Wow.

Couldn't make it any bigger?

Use it anytime to stop the test.

Of course, that would mean admitting defeat,

and unemployment.

Let's get you changed.

Sure. Sure, sure.

Oh, about watching Zoe, just make sure she does her homework,

and spend some quality time with Sarah. She tends to get lonely.

And try not to let the town burn down while I'm gone.

Carter, I'm perfect, remember? I can handle my job and yours.

Mmm-hmm.

Have fun!

All right.

Oh, Allison, you wanted to see me?

Yes, we are going to beta-test a new security system

I wanted you to be aware of, biometric DNA monitoring.

Well, that sounds ominous.

No, it's a way to keep track of employees.

G.d. Already has security badges, retinal scans.

It's a much more secure system. It's the next logical step.

To what, 1984?

To keeping people safe.

This monitoring system also has real—world applications.

Natural disasters, industrial accidents, kidnapping.

Invasion of privacy.

Dr. Jacob Stefano has been developing this for three years.

The d.O.D. Wants results, or they're gonna cut funding.

Ah, well, if you've already decided, why ask me?

Because it's not limited to global. It covers the entire town.

As mayor, you get a vote, along with me as head of global

and local law enforcement.

Meaning Jack?

Normally, yes, but since he's tied up in testing, Jo gets the vote.

Convenient timing.

Not everything is convenient.

Mmm.

Careful, my girlfriend might see you.

Hey, Jo. Awkward.

I will show you awkward!

You okay, Fargo?

Yeah, just thinking...

About making out with Jo?

What? No! I'm way over that, completely.

Well, there's someone out there for everyone. You'll find yours.

Keep telling me that.

So? How'd you do?

Apparently, I'm perfect.

Oh. You were serious.

Remember that kiss, it was your last.

Come on. I think you're great, but no one's perfect.

She's darn close.

Why, thank you, Fargo.

Please. He's just trying to get on your good side.

Well, maybe, you should try to get on my good side.

Look, I'm just saying, we all have our flaws,

like being hypersensitive and overreactive.

And all I'm saying is that when you really care about somebody,

you don't focus on their flaws.

So maybe that gives me something to think about.

Lupo.

Oh, hey, Allison.

Yeah, I'll be right there.

You, I'm done with. But it was nice to see you, Douglas.

"Douglas"?

Allison: So, Dr. Stefano, your pilot program is ready to go?

Absolutely.

Once I've uploaded everyone's DNA profile into the system,

it'll monitor their vital signs andlocafion

in case an emergency security situation arises.

Well, that could definitely come in handy, especially in this town.

Sure, if you're willing to compromise civil liberties in the name of security.

And a lot of people are.

Then, let them volunteer their DNA. Don't make it mandatory.

I vote no.

Jo, you're acting sheriff. Your vote decides.

I have to put town security first.

I vote yes.

Then you can be the first of our tribunal to go.

Just stand in the chamber. Just stand right in the center.

It'll scan your DNA in less than a minute.

You won't feel a thing.

Shut it down!

Allison: Jo! Jo!

I think she's coming around. Jo?

How do you feel?

Oh, like a freaking light bulb.

Here, let me help you.

Take it easy.

I'm good.

I've done hundreds of scans.

I have no idea what went wrong.

Could that have something to do with it?

The genome spectrometer is missing.

No wonder the settings went off the charts.

Why would someone take that?

I don't know.

But I've got a replacement,

so we can get the system back online.

After what just happened?

What happened was sabotage.

I put three years into this project. I'm not giving up now.

Who would do this?

I'm pulling Carter from his exams.

I'm acting sheriff. I can handle it.

Jo, you just had quite a jolt. You need time to recover.

I'll be fine, as soon as I regain sensation in my extremities.

Allison, just get the DNA monitor back online.

We may be needing it.

Are you sure you're up to this?

Hey, don't worry about my performance. Worry about Carter's.

Hello?

Like what you've done with the place.

I hear white's the new

black.

So, is there gonna be a test anytime soon?

Computer voice: Push the button.

That's it? That's the big test?

Well, no wonder Lupo scored so...

High.

Very high.

Push the button.

Oh, crap.

Hey, Henry.

Jo! How you feeling?

Little fuzzy, but crime waits for no one.

Hey, I need to figure out who'd want to steal that genomi...

Genomi—thermometer

thingy.

Just a few hours as sheriff, and you're already sounding like Carter.

Yeah, a near-electrocution can do that to you.

I checked for prints. I got nothing.

Any idea what they'd want to use it for?

Well, there's lots of potential research applications.

But I'm wondering if it has anything to do

with a missing intramuscular electrode array.

Okay. Any particular reason?

Because mine appears to be gone.

So, that makes two thefts.

Could you try and figure out a link between the two devices?

I can try.

Great, and I'll work on a list of people that have access to Stefano's lab.

Right after I help Zoe with her homework.

A parent's work is never done.

So, if you differentiate the cross-product of r and p with respect to time,

that should equal zero, right?

Can't Sarah help you?

Sarah: I'm sorry. I'm not programmed to cheat.

Whatever. It's good enough.

Oh!

What do you say we go to Vincent's for karaoke night?

I'd say I have a very important case to solve,

it's a school night, and your dad would kill me.

My dad's not here.

But I am, so for the next 48 hours, consider me him.

Come on, Jo. Aunt Lexi would totally take me,

if she wasn't off at her chakra retreat thing.

Look, I'm exhausted. I have a pounding headache,

and all I want to do is take a nap.

Wow, and I thought my dad was no fun.

Hey, I'm tons of fun.

Whatever. Just go solve your big case.

I'll be in my room solving this.

Computer voice: Push the button.

You can't do this! I mean, nobody can do this! It isn't possible!

It's...

That's the answer. Isn't it? Right?

You can't make the floor disappear.

It's a hologram. Nice.

Ah!

Lupo put you up to this, didn't she?

Push the button.

Vincent: Come on. It's my first karaoke night.

I need everything to be perfect.

Hey, Jo.

Fargo, hi.

Hey, Jo. What are you up to?

Oh, you know, protecting and serving, the usual.

So, what are you working on?

A new a! Program. The first law of robotics is giving me trouble.

"A robot may not injure a human being

"or, through inaction, allow a human being to come into harm."

You know Asimov's three laws?

Are you kidding? Isaac Asimov is my personal god.

I had no idea!

Give me some sci—fi and halo 3 and I am a happy girl.

Wow!

So, what's going on in here?

Oh, virtual karaoke night. You should stick around.

Maybe I will.

Where have you been? Henry said there's been another theft.

Yes! I, uh... it must have slipped my mind for a second.

Jo, we've had two very highly valuable pieces of equipment stolen.

If you're not feeling up to this...

No, I'm good.

You sure? Because we need to find out who's responsible.

Absolutely. It's already been taken care of.

Okay, who is it?

Him.

What? Too pitchy?

I swear, I am innocent!

Hey, we're trying to talk here!

You got to show them who's boss.

Hey, are you sure that Larry did this?

Well, he had motive, knowledge, and opportunity, it's a trifecta.

But what exactly was his motive?

Well, isn't it obvious?

To steal.

Ooh!

Yeah, but why?

Criminal mind's an enigma. Is this thing cool, or what?

Hey, Jo? I'm a little concerned

that the shock to your system is affecting your judgment.

Shock?

At Dr. Stefano's? Remember?

Yeah, I took a nap, and I woke up feeling like a brand new woman.

But now I feel like celebrating my first bust.

Hey, Jo, you've had dozens of busts.

Well, I mean as acting sheriff.

Don't worry about him. He won't be any more trouble.

Jo's on the job.

He's not the one I'm worried about.

Okay! So, not a hologram.

So, not a hologram. All right.

Computer voice: You can use the panic button at any time to end the test.

Give Jo the satisfaction?

I don't think so.

Thanks, but I'm not really much of a card player.

Whatever will help achieve your goal.

My god.

Don't you forget about me

Okay. Before you kill me, I am really sorry.

For what? You were amazing.

What?

So... so you're not gonna shoot me or, worse, tell my dad?

Not unless you want me to tell him that you were awesome.

Wow! Okay.

Vincent: Hey, Jo, your usual?

Heck, make it a double.

Whatever you say.

I'm off—duty.

Are you gonna sing a song?

Me, up there, alone?

Well, you two could do a duet.

We could pick songs and costumes. It's gonna be awesome. Come.

Uh, wait, I...

Oh, boy.

Enjoy!

Okay, that's not Espresso.

No, that's ouzo.

It's my usual?

Jo, come on. Hurry up.

Hit me.

Another bride

another June

another sunny

honeymoon

another season

another reason

for making whoopee

she sits alone

'most every night

He doesn't phone her

he doesn't write

he says he's busy

but she says, "is he

"making whoopee?"

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Hey! Did you see me?

Everybody saw you.

Yeah.

What the hell was that?

The most fun I think I've ever had.

God, I can't believe this. Do I know you?

Maybe you don't.

Okay. Um, but let's get your clothes. We're leaving.

No. I'm leaving.

Bye, Fargo.

Zoe: Hey, rock star, rise and shine.

Oh, god, does that say 8:00 am?

Yep. Just on my way to school.

How you feeling?

I think my headache's actually worse.

I'm not surprised after last night's performance.

What performance?

Wow. You must have been drunker than I thought.

Café diem? Karaoke?

You went, even after I told you not to?

Well, yeah, because you said it was cool.

Sarah: Actually, she forbade it.

No one's asking you, Sarah!

And I've been completely out since before 8:00.

Yeah, out dancing on pianos and kissing Fargo,

after which you passed out here.

What are you talking about?

Sarah: Dr. Fargo is at the door.

That.

Fargo! What are you doing here?

Hey. Um,

can I talk to Jo for a sec? Alone?

Actually, I'm starting to think I want a witness.

Sarah: I'm happy to oblige.

No, thanks, Sarah, we're good.

Uh, okay. Um...

I'll just come right out and say it.

Jo, your kiss moved my soul, and I don't care who knows.

Very, very funny, but I don't have time for this.

Um, no, this is not a joke. You can ask anyone at the cafe.

Okay, I've been through my fair share of physical traumas in the last 24 hours,

and kissing Fargo wasn't one of them.

Ouch.

Sorry, but I got to get back to work

before Allison decides that I'm completely incompetent.

And you, I'll deal with later.

I'll take them if you want.

Thank you.

I'll push the button.

Okay. Now what?

Stage two. Push the button.

You got to be kidding me!

You have all the tools you need to complete the test.

Bunch of psychos.

Larry, what are you doing in there?

You put me in here!

Okay, has everyone gone nuts?

That's what I'd like to know.

"Hill?

That... that's all you have to say?

Uh, what do you expect me to say?

"Sorry for getting wasted and making out with Fargo."

Ooh! You made out with Fargo?

No. Okay... kind of...

You've been talking to Zoe, haven't you?

I saw you last night. Brilliant.

Okay, let's punk the deputy on her first case as sheriff. Yes?

You know what?

I can't talk to you right now. Good luck, Larry.

Okay. I appreciate the effort,

but Larry,

get the hell out of my cell.

Gladly.

Wow.

Lupo.

It's Allison. We have a problem.

I need you to come to g.D. Right now.

I'm on my way.

Hypermethylation plasma was taken from the infirmary last night.

Which is?

A serum used in tumor treatments.

So, I'll start talking to people, see if anybody saw anything.

We already know who took it.

Great! So, your DNA monitor is working?

Yeah, I got the system fully online last night.

Shows this DNA signature in the infirmary at the time of the theft.

It's a perfect match.

Well, this... This can't be right.

The person behind the thefts,

the person that we've been looking for,

is you.

But nothing is going on with me. I didn't do anything.

Jo, you suffered a serious injury. You need to be tested.

Henry: Given the shock to your system,

memory loss and aberrant behavior are not surprising.

But I remember everything, and I'm not aberrant.

Okay, so what you did last night at cafe diem was normal?

I didn't do that.

I took a nap after helping Zoe with her homework, because I had a headache.

When I woke up, it was morning.

You also arrested Larry last night. Henry and I were there.

Dr. Pagani did say that there could be some side effects

after the recertification exam,

but why would I want to steal all that equipment?

Honey, you kissed Fargo.

You're acting a tad impulsively.

Jo, we want to help.

Then figure out what all that stolen equipment has in common,

and I will figure out what's going on.

Oh, no, you need time to recover.

Carter will be done with this test in 12 hours. He can take over.

You know what? Why don't we just let her work until he's done?

And then you can do all the testing that you want.

Please, Allison, I am not crazy.

Okay. Fine. Twelve hours.

Thank you.

Come on.

Come on!

Carter: Holy smokes.

Deputy Lupo!

Are you here to make sure your perfect record's intact?

No, not so much. I want to talk to Carter.

I'm sorry, you know the rules.

No outside contact, until testing's complete.

Did you want to try back...

Oh, no!

Tomorrow?

Carter: This sucks!

I've got to go back to the beginning.

Back to the beginning.

Thanks.

Dr. Stefano, I know you've been under a lot of pressure

to beta-test your DNA monitoring system.

Well, there's always a deadline.

That's the nature of government research.

Well, is it possible that the security was compromised

when the spectrometer was taken?

Absolutely not. I replaced the stolen part,

and the system's been working perfectly ever since.

Well, then, how come it showed me in the infirmary

when I was sleeping comfortably in a bed?

How come I heard you were out frenching Fargo?

That wasn't me.

The sheriff's smart house, Sarah, confirmed that Jo was there all night.

She must be mistaken.

Then show me the DNA signature of the person in the infirmary at the time of the theft.

And the person in the smart house. Now.

You've been lying this entire time.

Does this thing even work?

Yes. It was the one anomaly I couldn't explain.

I didn't want to postpone the beta-test again.

What anomaly?

There were two DNA signatures for you.

When the system showed two matching DNA strands, I thought it was a glitch.

And Jo hasn't exactly been herself recently. Have you?

Jo! Hey! Jo!

Hey! Jo!

Hey. Fargo, hey, thanks for last night. It was, uh,

memorable.

Really? Because this morning you denied iteverhappened.

Sorry. You know what? I took a sleeping pill last night,

and I was a bit out of sorts, but I'm better now.

Oh. Okay, so can we talk?

How about tonight at the target range? About 6:00?

You mean, like a date?

I got to run.

Uh—oh. Fargo!

Okay, you want to dance? Let's dance.

Just so you know, in high school,

I took a semester of shotokan.

Fargo, I don't want to fight. I'm worried about Jo.

One second, she's acting normal,

and then the next, she's kissing you.

Yeah, well, maybe she's finally come to her senses.

You just talked to her. Didn't she seem different to you?

Well, she kind of just asked me out.

And that didn't strike you as odd?

It just really felt like we were connecfing. L"

call me crazy, but I don't think she was faking it.

Yeah, well, that's what worries me.

Henry: You are right. I've been considering the possible applications

for the three devices that have been taken.

Genome spectrometer, intramuscular electrode array, methylation plasma.

And?

All three have applications to experiments dealing with DNA manipulation.

So, we're looking for someone who has access to my DNA.

Yes, but who would want your DNA?

Someone who thinks I'm perfect.

This shouldn't be happening.

Oh, this is really bad.

Oh, it's about to get worse.

Julia?

Please, don't be mad.

You stole my face! Is this what you used?

I'm really sorry, Jo.

I just wanted to see what it would feel like to be you for just a day.

I mean, you're beautiful,

and confident, and everyone respects you.

Okay, I...

I wouldn't say I'm beautiful, but...

Please. Even the one guy I like only has eyes for you.

Look, I'm flattered, but the party's over. Undo it.

I can't.

The DNA base strands are destabilizing. I can't reverse it.

Well, you're not gonna stop trying until you do,

even if it's from myjail cell.

Please.

Jo, I know I messed up, but I never meant to cause any trouble.

I just wanted to feel less

ordinary.

Look, I'm sorry, but you're coming with me.

What's happening?

Remote, time-released sedatives.

I gave them to you after the test.

I needed to make sure that there weren't two of us walking around.

Julia, don't do this.

I am so sorry, Jo. I just...

If I have to choose between your life or mine,

I choose yours.

Allison: She's back.

Can you talk?

Julia, she's behind the entire thing. Did you catch her?

Actually, yeah, I did.

What the hell did you do to me?

You mean, what did you do to me?

Allison: Jo told us how you stole the equipment,

and how you used her DNA from the exams to steal her identity.

No! I figured out how she stole my identity,

and now she's turned me into her.

That's what Jo said you would say.

She tried to convince me I was going crazy,

because of post-traumatic stress syndrome.

You actually had me doubting my own sanity.

You did that to me.

Allison, Henry, you have to believe me.

I am Jo.

Sheriff Cobb hired me five years ago.

I graduated top of my class at west point.

I can kill a man with my thumbs!

All of which is information she could access from my personnel file.

Julia... don't call me that!

When I get out of here, I'm gonna kick your ass...

We're gonna keep you under observation

until we do a full psych workup.

The ethics committee will take your mental state under consideration,

while they decide on your redaction from Eureka.

No, you can't redact me! That is exactly what she wants!

I am really sorry.

You can't do this to...

Carter: I can't do this!

That's the answer. Isn't it?

It can't be done.

All the tools I need...

Yeah!

What else you got, huh?

Whoa! Cold water!

Is that crazy or what?

Crazy! That's definitely the word.

What's wrong? You want a turn?

It's just...

You've kind of been giving me mixed signals.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I've been going through some pretty major changes lately.

You know, what I want out of life, who I want to be,

who I want to be with.

So, what do you want?

Let me give you a reminder.

I don't think so.

I thought you liked me.

I do.

It's just... I'm not convinced I know who you are.

But I'd like to.

I'm not sure that you're gonna want to for long.

Zane, thank god you're here.

Julia, right? Allison told me what you did to Jo.

She's Julia golden,

and I'm Jo.

Ah. Psych ward. I'm Henry.

I can prove it. Ask me something personal that only Jo could know.

Pet peeves?

Small guns, big egos,

and overly critical boyfriends.

Boxers or briefs?

Me or you?

Funny. Me. Boxers.

Except on laundry day,

which, by my account, would be tomorrow.

First date?

Sunday brunch at cafe diem.

I was nervous.

You brought a Rose.

I wore a sundress.

You said something smart which made me feel dumb.

But you made up for it on our second date.

So, does that mean I sounded dumb or made you feel smart?

A little bit of both.

And how'd the date end?

Let me give you a reminder.

That's my Josefina.

Then get me out of here, before I tase you for kissing another woman.

Yep, definitely Jo.

Zane, what's happening to me?

I've never seen anything like this. Her DNA markers

don't match her original profile. They don't match any profile.

I'm so sorry, Jo. I still can't believe that's you in there.

Yeah, trust me, it's her.

Just fix me and all's forgiven.

Henry: We're working on it.

Transfiguration process must have caused her DNA to decompose.

It's like her cells are misfiring.

So, if we can't restart them again, then...

Being stuck in Julia's body is the least of her problems.

If her cells stop functioning,

we could lose her for good.

These will stabilize the spasms, but not for long.

How can my cells be misfiring?

Bodies regulate tiny electrical impulses that allow cells to function.

Yours aren't getting enough juice.

Your DNA strands are essentially unraveling.

The genetic lines between Jo and Julia are becoming blurred.

I've been blurry ever since I was shocked by your stupid scanner.

Again, really sorry about that.

What if we do it again?

One near-electrocution wasn't enough?

Well, my cells are misfiring.

What if we give them a genetic jump start?

The scanner does have your original DNA profile.

Yeah, programming them into Julia's device might restart the markers.

It's like a cellular reboot.

We need Julia to show us how.

Well, we're trying to pinpoint her location now.

Jo: If this is happening to me, it must be happening to her, too.

Can we use the DNA monitor to track her down the way she tracked me?

Not if her DNA is degenerating.

It won't match the profile in the system.

Then try searching for Fargo's.

So, you're Julia?

How long have you known?

I guess I always knew something was off.

I'm really sorry llied. I just...

I wanted you to notice me.

What are you talking about? You had me at halo.

Because I looked like Jo.

Look, I've tried before, and you've never responded.

Yeah, because I'm clueless and completely socially awkward.

Yeah, but I'm sure looking like this didn't hurt.

Maybe not, but it's you I connected with,

and I'd really like to connect more.

I have really made an awful mess of things.

Please!

I have made my fair share of messes. Believe me.

I'm not sure this one can be fixed.

Well, with your help, we think it can.

And you rerouted the plasma impulse through the electrode array?

Exactly how you said.

But, you're both critical, and we can only treat one of you at a time.

Okay. Jo goes first.

You're in the worse shape, Julia. You may not survive the wait.

Jo first.

Okay, that's it. I've programmed her original DNA profile

into Julia's transfiguration device.

All right. She's stabilized for the moment. We need to do this now!

All right, let's go.

Blood pressure is dropping. Her system's too unstable.

If we stop the scan now, we may not get another chance.

Well, she's getting worse!

Come on, Jo. Don't give up on me now.

She's still not responding.

We have to stop this. No. Just hang on!

Is she...

Blood pressure's rising.

Her DNA profile is starting to stabilize.

Yes!

Hey.

You had me worried there.

How do I look?

Perfect.

You've just done a very brave thing.

No. Brave would have been staying inside my own skin to begin with.

Fargo: It's time to get you back.

Thanks.

It's okay.

Allison: So, Julia, I have spoken with the ethics committee.

They're gonna schedule a hearing.

Of course.

I'm so sorry about all of the trouble that I've caused

with deputy Lupo and Larry.

I feel awful.

In any case, given the fact that you helped save deputy Lupo,

and the incredible advances you made in DNA transfiguration,

you can stay in Eureka...

Ah!

On probation,

pending formal review.

That's great.

Thank you so much, Dr. Blake.

There are a few things that I would really like to stick around for.

Fargo.

Well, all's well that ends well.

Speaking of which,

I have sent the DNA monitor back into redevelopment.

You were right. It wasn't ready.

It wasn't about being right.

I know, and I still believe that it has the potential to protect a lot of people.

In a perfect world.

Well, in a perfect world, we wouldn't need it. Mmm.

Whoo! Whoo!

How'd you do?

What? How'd you do?

Uh... yeah. I think your record's safe.

But, he passed with high marks.

Never doubted he would.

So, same time next year, sheriff.

What? Uh, Allison said it was gonna be every two years.

Oh, no. You didn't score that high, so...

What? What?

It's just...

It's good to have you back.

Oh!

I should go away more often.

I'd prefer you didn't. Being you is no walk in the park.

Meaning?

Nothing I couldn't handle alone.

It's just more fun having you around.

Yeah, tell me about it. Those 48 hours alone were way too long.

Could have been worse. There could have been two of you.

Sorry, what? Nothing.

Uh, Vinspresso? Yeah!

Yeah, make mine a double.

Okay.

Did you have to tread water?

What?