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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,479
This program me contains very strong
language and some scenes of a sexual nature.
2
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Oi! Mmm? Nic, look.
3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,759
Come here.
4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,159
SHE LAUGHS What?
5
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,720
I made you something.
6
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,199
I wrote "merry Xmas" in the snow.
7
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THEY LAUGH
8
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,759
How did you do the X?
9
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,719
Well, thank you for asking.
I did a line... Mm-hm.
10
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,279
...and I stopped mid-flow
and I readjusted
11
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,479
and I finished the other line.
12
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,200
That's really great. Yeah? OK.
13
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,599
Where's this... train?
14
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,399
Oh, my God, there's a pound there.
15
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,159
I'm going to get you that pound.
Do you want a pound? Oh, my God.
16
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,519
Don't! What are you doing?
I'm getting you a pound! Don't!
17
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,279
Please! You'll get run...
For Christmas! You'll get run over!
18
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,600
Oh, my God.
19
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,959
Oh, you're going to hurt yourself
as well, you fucking...
20
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,839
HE BURPS
Oh, God. Oh, bloody bhaji breath.
21
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,040
Train's here. Do you think?
22
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,799
HE SIGHS, SHE LAUGHS
23
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,359
Come back to mine
and we can have a bath together.
24
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,560
What? That's so weird.
25
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:20,799
What?
26
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,199
I fucking love you.
27
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,600
SHE LAUGHS
28
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,280
BEEPING
29
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,519
I love you.
30
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,960
THEY LAUGH
31
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,479
Your coat's stuck in...!
You need to get help!
32
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,360
THEY LAUGH
33
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,159
Can you pull it from your side?
Oh, God.
34
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,560
I just...
Can you open the...?
35
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,559
Door's not opening.
36
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:49,600
Push it.
37
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,479
Open the doors! Pull your coat!
I'm trying! I...
38
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,839
TRAIN CLANKS Stop the fucking train!
39
00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,279
Stop the train!
40
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,880
SHE SHRIEKS
41
00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:03,840
HE YELLS
42
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,559
TV ON, GASPS
43
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,999
She is vile. A pig.
44
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,879
A pig, a big toxic pig.
45
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,719
She's just a narcissist.
46
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,679
Narcissist! Exactly that.
47
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,879
You know what I don't get
is lip fillers.
48
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,439
Because you know
when someone's had it done,
49
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,679
it's that sort of duck bottom.
50
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,600
You haven't seen Mr Meowgi?
He hasn't touched his biscuit.
51
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,080
No. No.
52
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,479
Well, it's time to go.
53
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,359
One minute.
54
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,799
Mum! School! Gotta go to school.
Two minutes.
55
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,519
Just let me watch the end of this.
You know what?
56
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,840
Oh, my God.
57
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,920
That's so unfair.
58
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,840
Meow!
59
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,479
Come on, we're going to be late
again!
60
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,079
Just looking for my glasses.
61
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,839
They're on your head, you doughnut!
Ugh.
62
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,359
Yeah. Don't say the word doughnut,
63
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,359
you sound like a Love Island
contestant.
64
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,399
Wait. No. Wait!
65
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,840
No. We're late.
66
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,159
Oh, God.
67
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:16,480
Bloody Lucy.
68
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,479
Bet you she doesn't offer us a lift.
Don't, Mum. All right?
69
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,559
Don't! Yeah. We're late again.
70
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,600
Oh, no. Yeah.
71
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,359
We'll walk! All right, good luck!
Bye!
72
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,679
I can't believe she didn't offer
us a lift.
73
00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:33,519
You don't like her anyway. I know
I don't like her anyway, but...
74
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,359
...you know, I'd like a lift.
75
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,199
Do you think it's because
I haven't signed up
76
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,519
to help with the hedgehog hunt?
77
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,639
I'm not going to make
a potato salad for that. Mum?
78
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,519
Cow bag. Mum!
79
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,960
Please... let it go.
80
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,039
SHE SIGHS I can't. I can't let it go.
81
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,759
Oh, come on, Mum. I'm too cross.
82
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,759
Really, really, really rude.
All right.
83
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,479
I had a dream last night.
84
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,319
She did offer us a lift,
and I was so shocked,
85
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,439
and then I was trying to
open the car door to get in,
86
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,319
and my fingers just turned into
sort of like limp sausages.
87
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,839
And that is the curse. Deep
in my psyche,
88
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,079
I know she wouldn't offer us a lift.
89
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,679
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
90
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,159
Good luck! Bye!
91
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,759
Come on, Mum.
92
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,199
You all right? Hey there.
How was your drive?
93
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,199
Oh, lovely, thank you.
Oh, lovely. Good for you.
94
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,439
Don't.
95
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,919
I know! I know, she's a pain.
96
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,079
Oh, are you having a problem
with the gate?
97
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,959
It's Harry's first day, and I think
I've deleted the email. 2-4-7-8.
98
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,760
Sorry, what? 2-4-7-8.
99
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:33,919
Pikachu!
100
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,319
♪ Gotta catch 'em all... ♪
101
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:36,999
Oh, my God. Amazing.
102
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,679
Thank you. No problem.
103
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:43,119
Ollie, please can you
hand these out to everybody? Yes.
104
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,719
Otherwise it's just going to be
Dennon that arrives,
105
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,359
and the girl with the nits. Um...
106
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,199
If they ask you why you were late,
what are you going to say?
107
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,399
My legs hurts. Yes! Your legs hurt.
Brilliant.
108
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,519
And... what else was I going to say?
Oh, yes, I love you.
109
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,479
I love you. Whatever!
110
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,839
"I love you, too, Mum."
"Do you really?"
111
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,279
"Yes, I really, really, really do."
112
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,799
TV: I just think you should know
that he was seen last week
113
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,759
at the Argyle
with a really hot girl.
114
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,439
Like, really hot.
115
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,880
What are you saying?
116
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,279
VEHICLE PULLS UP
117
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,760
Oh, fuck...
118
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,680
VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES
119
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,519
DOOR UNLOCKS
120
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,839
Oh, babe, I was just popping out.
121
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,359
Oh, my God. Are you all right? No.
122
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,599
What's wrong? Nic, I can't.
123
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,239
Nic, I can't. Viv, what's happened?
124
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,039
Viv, what's happened? Can I have
a glass of water? Yeah. Oh, my God.
125
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,919
Look at that.
Tell me what's happened.
126
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,159
Oh! Oh, God. Viv, you're scaring me.
It was horrible.
127
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,640
Viv!
128
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,239
Viv.
129
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,319
Oh, God.
130
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,679
Viv, what happened?
131
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,320
I'm going to tell you!
132
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,360
I hit a pheasant.
133
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,080
And then what happened?
134
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,639
And its beak was like...
135
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,000
It was one of the worst experiences
of my life.
136
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,759
Gosh. And I thought,
"Oh, it'll get out the road.
137
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,639
"It'll get out the road now.
Surely it'll get out the road."
138
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,839
And then I thought,
"Oh, it's out the road."
139
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,279
But then it wasn't.
No, no, it was out the road.
140
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:25,999
Oh, it was out the road. It was.
141
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,480
But then it went back in the road.
Right.
142
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,359
Well, I mean, God has a plan
for all of us.
143
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,999
Yeah, no, but, Nic, we've got to
just... I've just got to...
144
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,679
Just please... Sorry, sorry. Yeah.
145
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,919
Just... We've got to do
a little prayer. Oh, God. I can't...
146
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,279
I can't do... I've never done any...
Just relax.
147
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,119
You've got a big, big spirit.
I know you have.
148
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,159
Just anything that comes in your...
149
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,279
Pheasant, pheasant, er,
150
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,479
your death was unpleasant.
Unpleasant.
151
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,879
Er, so sad you didn't know...
Didn't...
152
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,839
...the Highway Code.
153
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,999
Maybe that would have
helped you cross the road.
154
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,240
Yeah. But hopefully you can
cross over to heaven.
155
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,720
I mean...
156
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,919
Yeah.
157
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,159
I-I feel...
158
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,119
I feel like... He's gone.
Yeah, gone.
159
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,799
Wow, thank you. Yeah.
160
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,320
I'm so sorry.
161
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:20,719
Yeah.
162
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,279
But I'm running really late... Oh.
..to see a friend.
163
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,640
Oh, OK. Who?
164
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,799
Tony. Oh.
165
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,799
Oh, all right.
It's just... I just...
166
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,239
So you're just g... What...
So what shall I do?
167
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,959
I mean, the kitchen,
if that's all right. Oh, OK.
168
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,039
Start off in there. OK.
169
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,439
And the sink could do with
a bit of a bleach.
170
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,680
Right. OK. Thank you, Viv.
171
00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,880
SHOUTING FROM VIDEO
172
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,199
SHE GASPS
173
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,039
Stop waving that around in my face
like that.
174
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,839
Oh, my God, throw your wine at him.
175
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,879
Throw your wine at him,
throw your wine at him.
176
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,919
SPLASH Yes!
177
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,439
Take that!
178
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,959
BLEEPING ON VIDEO
179
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,719
I will sue you... VIDEO STOPS
180
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,799
Oh, f... Oh, no!
181
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,879
That was the best bit.
182
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,720
Oh... bollocks.
183
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:27,359
Where the fuck's the cat gone?
184
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,959
Can't have gone out the gate,
can he?
185
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,599
Did he eat his biscuits on Saturday?
186
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,079
He definitely came in
for biscuits on Friday.
187
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,040
Oh, Christ knows.
188
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,679
Oh, she's still here.
189
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:42,880
Fuck.
190
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,080
SHE SIGHS
191
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,599
Stop the train!
192
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,959
SHE SCREAMS
193
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,439
WOMAN SCREAMS
194
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,560
Sorry.
195
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:12,999
Hello?
196
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,879
Sorry I'm late, I took the lads
to the pub for lunch.
197
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,919
You all right, Dad? Hey!
198
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,159
BOTH: I feel the need -
the need for speed.
199
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,159
You all right, mate? Yeah, I'm good.
You OK? Yeah.
200
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,919
What's that? What? That?
201
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,079
Oh, er, Stuart spit wine on me
over lunch. Idiot.
202
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,359
Just so annoying.
203
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,639
Any news on Mr Meowgi? Oh, God.
204
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,679
I put a post on Facebook, right,
205
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,199
and the only person
that commented on it
206
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,879
was a random woman
called Jackie Trinder.
207
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,999
You'll never guess what she said.
What?
208
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,319
Just wrote "lol". That's helpful.
209
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,279
You know, I've lost my cat,
I've got a distraught son,
210
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,839
I've got this 50-year-old woman
trolling me.
211
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,319
It's extraordinary.
212
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:55,119
I have a horrible feeling he's got
trapped in some fence somewhere
213
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,879
because he's such a fat fuck.
214
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,159
Have you tried just standing
outside the back door
215
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,839
with an electric can-opener?
No, thank you.
216
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,999
God, Lucy was really off
with me today.
217
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,599
I thought you didn't like Lucy.
218
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,039
I don't like Lucy
but I want her to like me.
219
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,479
Why? Possibly because I'm insecure
and I've got no mates.
220
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,079
HE BURPS AND FARTS
221
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,959
I wasn't a dick
at Helen and Rob's, was I?
222
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,839
I didn't get too pissed.
223
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,919
No, you were funny.
I thought I was funny.
224
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,559
I was funny.
225
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,919
I was really, really funny.
226
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,799
I'm not watching this shit.
227
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,719
TV: ..5ml lining paper,
228
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,879
which will eradicate
any sort of imperfections.
229
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,479
My husband's going to be back
any minute.
230
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,600
Oh! He'll know that you're not just
here to sort out the plumbing!
231
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,879
I can hear his key in the door.
232
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,999
Oh, I can hear him
coming up the stairs.
233
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,599
Oh, God. He's on the landing.
I can hear him on the landing.
234
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,319
Ah!
235
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,199
MUSIC SWELLS
236
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,960
THEY LAUGH
237
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,679
Agh! Cramp. Oh, God, sorry.
238
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,359
Oh, shit. Sorry.
Are you all right?
239
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,159
Just stretch it.
Stretch my foot out. Yeah, yeah.
240
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,159
Pull the toes back. OK. Yeah, yeah.
241
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,319
Agh! I thought you were coming.
242
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,239
No, I wasn't coming. No?
243
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,479
Oh! You're not doing it properly.
244
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,279
Sorry.
245
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,679
Agh! Fucking hell.
246
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,999
Do you want me to...?
247
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,120
No, you're all right.
248
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,279
Agh.
249
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,319
SPLASHING
250
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,039
SHE SIGHS
251
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,920
HE SNORES
252
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,000
SHE SIGHS
253
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,720
SNORING CONTINUES
254
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,280
PHONE VIBRATES
255
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,239
Hello.
256
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,200
Hello...
257
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:16,000
HE MUMBLES
258
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,560
No...
259
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,999
We sort of lucked out at this stall
because nobody comes here.
260
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,880
Everyone just bombs the hook-a-duck
stall. Thank God for that!
261
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,439
It's Jen, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.
262
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,959
Sorry, should have said. You're Nic?
263
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,759
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ollie's mum?
264
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,199
Yes. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
265
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,839
Thank you for that invite,
by the way.
266
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,479
Harry was really pleased.
267
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,599
No, it's just the teacher
always makes us hands one out
268
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,239
to every child in the class,
269
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,520
so actually thank Mrs Morgan,
not me.
270
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,639
OK.
271
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,840
SHE PUFFS
272
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,399
So who have you met so far?
273
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,879
Oh, who have I met?
Just Lucy, really.
274
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,519
Yeah, she's really nice, isn't she?
275
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,679
Yeah. She's really nice.
Really, really nice.
276
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:22,239
Just general salt of the earth,
nice... lady.
277
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,279
I actually thought she was a bit
of a cunt, to be honest with you.
278
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,239
Yes, she is. Yeah. You agree?
279
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,919
Yes, I do. OK, good.
280
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,359
Because it's not fair.
281
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,319
Some of them must be...
Some of them must be nice.
282
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,799
Well, I've been here five years.
283
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,479
I've not made one single friend
with a mum.
284
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,999
As they say, these things take time
285
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,799
but you've had five years!
286
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,039
Although I did see... tombola, Helen.
287
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,599
Got invited to Helen and Rob's
the other day. Right.
288
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,559
I just got really smashed, just
to be able to deal with it. Yeah.
289
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,639
She made everybody sit down
at the dinner table
290
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,359
and she did a quiz.
291
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,599
Do you know
what one of the questions was? What?
292
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,559
What's the Latin for cat?
293
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,279
What's the Latin for cat?
294
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,839
Cattus. Cattus.
295
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,639
Then she asked us,
what is the Latin for rat?
296
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,919
What is it? Rattus. Rattus.
297
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,879
And then she asked us,
what's the Latin for bat?
298
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,239
Is it battus?
299
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,760
No, it's vespertilio. Oh.
300
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,759
Oh, wow. You're great.
301
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,640
I try.
302
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,599
Mum, can you please explain
the rules
303
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,999
of Splat The Rat to Dennon?
304
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,799
Is it a real rat? Because I don't
want to hurt any animals.
305
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,119
No. Why not?
306
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,319
Because it's just not.
307
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,399
What do I get if I splat it?
A Maoam.
308
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,439
Can I just give you 20p and have
the Maoam without splatting it?
309
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,439
No, you can't. You can't do that
because that's cheating.
310
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:45,039
All right. I'm going to leave you
with my mum. What? Yeah.
311
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,959
Ollie, where are you going?
Don't leave us with him!
312
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,079
Carl Collins says I've got eyes
like a shark.
313
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,839
If I give you a load of Maoams, will
you bugger off and never come back?
314
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,719
Mm. Yeah.
315
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,159
Er, yeah.
316
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,919
Done. Good deal is done.
317
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,319
There we go.
318
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,559
Knock yourself out. Bye.
319
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,319
Right, now that I know
you're not going to judge me...
320
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,519
Yeah.
321
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,879
...do you want some gin?
322
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,159
Oh, yes. I could kiss you.
323
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,479
Don't do that.
324
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,159
It'd make it weird.
325
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,199
Oh, well done!
326
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,039
Have you met Mr Graham yet? Who?
327
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,799
Mr Graham, PE teacher.
328
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,359
Christ, he's the PE teacher?
329
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,039
Yeah. He's a bit of me.
330
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,679
Yeah, he's a bit of me as well.
I'm going to call him over.
331
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,839
Mr Graham! Don't.
332
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,879
Oh, hello. Ah!
333
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,439
Sorry.
334
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,479
How are you? How are you doing?
All right. Oh, my gosh. Yes.
335
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,759
Sorry, I'm a little bit wet.
Yeah. Aren't we all?!
336
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,679
Sorry. I don't know if we've met.
337
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,679
No, we haven't met. I'm Jen.
338
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,119
Oh, lovely to meet you, Jen.
Nice to meet you, Mr Graham.
339
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,879
Yes, indeed. Yeah.
Are you going to have a go?
340
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,919
Yeah, I'd love to have a go.
What is this? Splat The Rat? Go on.
341
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,759
Nic, why don't you show Mr Graham
how to, er...
342
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,079
Yeah, I will. Go on.
Lots of skill on this.
343
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,399
So just swing.
344
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,039
Yeah. OK. Lovely.
345
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,639
God, you smell amazing.
Is that Jean Paul Gaultier?
346
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,920
It is - you've got a good nose.
347
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,879
What are we you doing? What are we
you doing? What are we you doing?
348
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,679
Splat The Rat!
349
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,479
You all right, Lucy?
350
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,279
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
351
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,119
Does the float need topping up?
352
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,519
No. Don't think so.
353
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,839
No? No. OK.
354
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,519
Well, I just spoke to Dennon's mum.
355
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,559
Did you give him sweets?
356
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,199
E-numbers?
357
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,999
I'm just saying he cannot have them
358
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,559
because they send him
completely bonkers.
359
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,199
Oh, gosh! See what I mean.
360
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,559
It's pretty serious.
361
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,679
That wasn't us. We didn't do that.
362
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,599
Definitely not.
Oh, no! I knew it wouldn't be you.
363
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,479
So then why did you ask us if we...?
364
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,239
Oh, by the way,
I've spoken to Miss Moss
365
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,759
and the school are very happy
for 20% of the proceeds
366
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,520
from today to go to Ollie.
367
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,679
Why?
368
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,639
For what?
369
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,879
I thought he might need...
370
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,120
Need what?
371
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,800
You know.
372
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,879
Equipment.
373
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,679
No.
374
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,799
No, no, no, no, no.
375
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:11,240
Um... OK. Well, if you need me,
you know where I am, right?
376
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,040
I should probably...
377
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,560
You're going to go to hell.
378
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,039
Hello!
379
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,839
BOTH CHANT: We won some fish.
380
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,159
We won some fish.
381
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,319
We won a fish.
382
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,639
Hey, hey, I'll tell you what.
383
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,959
Why don't we... You go upstairs
and I'll be up in a second, mate?
384
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,399
Yeah. OK. Yeah.
385
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,759
We won a fish.
386
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,999
♪ Ha-ha-ha-ha. ♪
387
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,679
We won a fish.
388
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,559
Hey.
389
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,520
HE SOBS
390
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,920
It's OK.
391
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,599
Oh, my gosh.
392
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,679
Where did you find him?
393
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,639
Oh, that's amazing.
394
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,519
Probably the best thing is if I...
395
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,119
Oh, God! Sorry.
396
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,119
Can I call you back in two seconds?
397
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,279
Oh. Hello. Oh, my God!
398
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,439
Did you just walk into
the wheelie bin? Yes, I did.
399
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,279
You just walked
into the wheelie bin. Oh, God.
400
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,439
Quite embarrassing.
Everyone's really nosy around here.
401
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,199
They'll definitely
have watched you do that.
402
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,159
Love these hanging baskets.
Thanks. Yeah.
403
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,759
Mine never... They always die.
404
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,279
Oh, it's just manure.
405
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,279
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah.
406
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,759
You lost your cat?
No, I did lose my cat.
407
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,799
Found him now. Oh, great.
408
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,119
I mean, it would be great,
but I've printed off 50 of these.
409
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,279
50? Yeah. Didn't need
that many, did you? No.
410
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,359
Well, we should celebrate. Yes.
411
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,919
What are you doing tonight? Nothing.
412
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,839
Shall I come over? Bring Harry?
413
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,319
Love that. Bring some wine?
414
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,679
Yes. You know, there's vibes.
415
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,879
Let's do it. Great. Love it. Yeah.
Great. Yeah, you've found your cat.
416
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,359
This is turning out to be
a bloody good day.
417
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,639
Oh, hi.
418
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,199
"Hey, honey, I'm home."
419
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,759
Oh!
420
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,399
Look, he's home!
I could tell straight away.
421
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,239
Sorry. It's not...
422
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,759
It's not Mr Meowgi.
423
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,359
Thought he looked exactly like him.
424
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,399
Yeah. I mean, Mr Meowgi's a tabby
425
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,319
and this one's ginger.
It's my fault.
426
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,919
I should have put
a colour photograph.
427
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,239
Just put a black-and-white one.
But, yeah, I can see...
428
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,519
But the markings are the same.
Similar, yeah.
429
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,679
Did you have to come far?
430
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,599
Yeah. You did?
431
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,919
I walked two miles.
432
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,759
Two miles. Gosh. With a cat.
433
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,159
So what shall I do with it?
434
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,319
I... don't know.
435
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,279
Can I leave him here with you?
I don't want it, do I?
436
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,439
CAT HISSES Oh. I'm just going to...
437
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,959
Agh! Agh!
438
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,799
You evil little...!
439
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,959
Agh!
440
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,040
CAT YOWLS
441
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:47,599
I'll call the police.
442
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,279
What? Why have you locked the door?
443
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,919
It's you. I didn't realise. Sorry.
444
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,319
Sorry. Oh, God. Don't ask.
445
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,719
Who's that?
446
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,679
Who? Some woman chucked a cat
447
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,599
into Malcolm's garden
and just ran off.
448
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,239
Oh, I've got a school mum
and her son coming over tonight.
449
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,359
What? Why? You never invite people
over. You feel all right?
450
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:08,679
Actually, she invited herself,
but, I mean... Wow.
451
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,479
I sort of quite like that.
452
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,839
Must be love. Yeah, I suppose.
453
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,240
Oh, well, let me squeeze your tits
and I'll take the kids out for you.
454
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,079
So, literally, he sent me this
last Tuesday, then nothing since.
455
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,319
Like, how shitty is that? Shit.
456
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,839
He hasn't got time to WhatsApp me
457
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,319
but he's got time to like
Demi Rose's fake arse on Instagram.
458
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,720
He's such a bitch.
459
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,160
BOTTLES CLANK
460
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,879
Like, if he keeps messing me around,
461
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,919
I'm going to start shagging
that married bloke
462
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,319
and see how he likes that.
463
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,479
What, Mr Super dry?
He doesn't only wear Super dry.
464
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,000
That's what you said. It's all right
when I say it, Lauren, but not you.
465
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,479
Anything else? Er, yeah.
466
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,040
Do you think you could possibly
put this up in your window?
467
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:13,400
DOORBELL CHIMES
468
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:19,239
Dan, they're here! Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Well, they are.
469
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,439
Hello, come in. Hello, Harry.
470
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,679
Hi, Ollie. Hi. Jen, this is Dan,
471
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,759
Dan, this is Jen.
472
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,959
Hi, I'm Jen. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
473
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,559
Dan. Right. Well, have a great time
bowling. Where am I going? Bowling?
474
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,559
Yeah. Well, hang on.
It's getting on a bit, innit?
475
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,599
Shall we just whack a film on?
We've organised this.
476
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,239
By the time I get there...
477
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,599
OTHERS: Bowling. Bowling.
Bowling. Bowling.
478
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,079
And it's a strike!
479
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,119
See you later. See you later.
480
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,479
Come on.
481
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,399
I've got to be really good tonight
482
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,719
because it's Ollie's birthday
tomorrow. No, no, don't worry.
483
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,359
I have to say that out loud,
484
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,759
so it sounds like a good mum,
but, yeah, let's get fucked.
485
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,319
Spill. One, two, three.
486
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,400
Whoop a! Whoop a!
487
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,359
♪ Sweat, baby, sweat, baby... ♪
488
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:07,799
Is that Sambuca?
489
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,479
♪ You do the kind of stuff that only
Prince would sing about
490
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,719
♪ So put your hands down my pants
491
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,399
♪ And I'll bet you'll feel... ♪
492
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,240
One, two, three...
493
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,999
I'm fine.
494
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,719
MUSIC BLARES
Yeah, can I get one deep pan, um...
495
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,639
Um... deep pan.
496
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,039
Yeah, I don't want tomatoes.
No tomatoes. No tomatoes.
497
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,519
Can I have that times not twice
but thrice?
498
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:38,119
MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
499
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,279
It makes you look like...
500
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,399
Don't take this the wrong way. What?
501
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,159
I don't mean it to be rude.
502
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,559
What? That collar...
503
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,239
Yeah... is a little bit...
504
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,279
...dear Lord.
505
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,439
BOTH: What a sad little life, Jane.
506
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,999
♪ Why can't you see?
507
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,679
♪ Slow it down, read the sign
508
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,119
♪ So you know
just where you're going
509
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,719
♪ Stop right now
Thank you very much
510
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,799
♪ I need somebody
with a human touch
511
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,599
♪ Hey, you, always on the run
512
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,519
♪ Gotta slow it down, baby
513
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,919
♪ Gotta have some fun. ♪
514
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,839
I really, really liked him,
515
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,159
and then he sent me this voice note.
Yeah.
516
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,599
And on the voice note,
he said, "Goodnight."
517
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,199
Yeah. And then he said,
518
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,119
"Sweet dreams, baby girl." SHE RETCHES
519
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,679
I just felt like the disgust
520
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,079
sort of travel up through my vagina.
521
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,679
Holy Moley.
And I just ghosted him after that.
522
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,599
I just totally...
523
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,359
DOOR OPENS Oh, hi.
524
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:42,719
Hi. Hey.
525
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,399
Oh, dear.
526
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,999
Good time?
Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it?
527
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,439
Could you make up the bunk
in Ollie's room
528
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,799
because we've got Jen and Harry
staying tonight.
529
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,119
Oh, yes. Jen's going to sleep on the
sofa.
530
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,039
Shoes off. Shoes off.
531
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,199
Dan! Dan! Dan!
532
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,199
Dan! Dan! Dan!
533
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,399
♪ Dan! Dan!
534
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,879
♪ Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan... ♪
535
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,879
It worked. It worked. It worked.
536
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,559
He's here.
We're playing Silly Heads. Yeah.
537
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,439
No, it's not. It's Sticky Heads.
538
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,359
Whose idea was it to play this?
539
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:21,319
It was my idea. Oh, really.
We've got a really good one for you.
540
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,919
Have you played this game before?
541
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,359
Yes. You have played it.
542
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,479
Of course I've played it before.
You know the rules?
543
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,879
So you know how to play it.
Who wants to go first?
544
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,199
You go first. You go first.
545
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,439
Yeah, DOM can go first. Dan!
546
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:34,999
Sorry.
547
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,119
What did I say? Dom!
548
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,159
Dom! Am I a bloke?
Am I a man?
549
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,119
Yes. Yes. OK.
550
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,999
Am I a movie star?
551
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,679
Am I in the movies? No. No.
552
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,879
Survey says...
Our survey says... Uh-uh!
553
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,359
Sorry. Yeah. Right.
554
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,279
So... am I Tom Jones?
555
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,559
Am I Tom Jones? You're not
Tom Jones, no. I'm not!
556
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,559
Where would you even get that from?
I don't know.
557
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,839
Not a million miles away, though.
Can I have a go?
558
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,999
Am I a man?
559
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,039
Ahh! Well, sort of, but...
560
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,319
I don't know.
Not strictly. Not in the...
561
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,239
You're, like, a male.
562
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,799
You're male, yeah. You are male.
563
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,039
Where are you going?
But you're not a male man.
564
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,600
She's so great.
565
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,119
SHE YELLS
566
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,159
That really scared me, actually.
567
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,759
Am I alive or am I dead?
568
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,639
Am I dead? Am I dead? Yeah.
569
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,159
Dead as a dildo.
570
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,560
Dodo!
571
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,239
Dead meat, yeah.
572
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,159
So probably like a royal, something
like that. Yes. Yeah, you were.
573
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,359
That's easy. Henry VIII.
Am I Henry VIII?
574
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,639
Oh, my God, are you joking?
You cheated.
575
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,839
I did not cheat.
No, I did not cheat.
576
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,959
I think you're a cheat.
577
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,719
You know what?
I'm going to hit the hay.
578
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,839
Do you know what? Probably...
Babe, I wouldn't get too crazy,
579
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:53,639
it's Ollie's birthday tomorrow.
580
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,639
Oh, don't go. Donnie Downer.
581
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,959
You'll be struggling tomorrow.
582
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,799
No, no, no. Goodnight.
Goodnight. Bye, Dom.
583
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,640
Dan!
584
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,639
OK. Come on, girl. Crack that open.
That's just... That's not fair.
585
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,719
Yeah, I know. They're always like
that, blokes, aren't they?
586
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,959
Do you know what I really miss?
What?
587
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,079
The one thing that I'm lacking
in my life is, like,
588
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,759
real, intense kind of passion.
589
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,679
And, you know, like,
when you're a teenager,
590
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,719
and you're feeling...
It's like, as if your nerves
591
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,879
are exposed on your skin.
592
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,279
I've never had that with anyone.
593
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,279
Then you've missed out.
How have you not had that?
594
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,799
You have? Yes, I have.
595
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,719
I've had that level of...
596
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,839
What, with... connection.
597
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,559
Not with him. Not with him.
598
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,079
No, with a guy...
599
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,639
It was a guy called Alex.
600
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,839
And the thing was, right, about him,
601
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,719
he wasn't, like,
kind of textbook handsome.
602
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,839
Like, he was a bit hairy.
603
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,959
No, but funny. Really, really funny.
604
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:01,839
He's one of those people
that gets the absolute minutiae.
605
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,680
It was like he was my twin flame.
606
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,279
Well, what happened?
Did you break up, or...?
607
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,439
No, we were...
I mean, it was an affair...
608
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,519
Oh, God... that was going on,
609
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:18,799
I mean, for, like,
years and years and years.
610
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,199
While you were with Dan? Yeah.
611
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,759
Oh, mate. I know.
612
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,679
I'm never going to have that again.
613
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,079
What happened? Did you end it?
614
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,799
You don't still see him, do you?
615
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,560
No, I actually...
616
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,239
He, um...
617
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,039
BEEPING
618
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,879
You all right? Yeah.
619
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,600
I'm sorry. I just don't know...
620
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,800
Nic, are you all right? Yeah.
621
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:03,439
Oh, my God! Take your coat off!
622
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,599
Help him.
623
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,559
Oh, my God! The coat!
624
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,719
Pull the chord! Pull the chord!
625
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,399
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
626
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,319
TRAIN SLOWS
627
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,479
Oh, my God.
628
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,639
SHE GASPS
629
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,199
Oh! Oh, my God.
630
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,999
HE LAUGHS
631
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,439
Oh, look. My feet can't touch
the ground. I'm literally dangling.
632
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,239
HE GASPS
633
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,999
I'm sorry. Oh, my God.
634
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,999
There's no-one even here!
635
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,519
I nearly sh...
636
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,040
SHE SCREAMS
637
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,600
Nic, you all right?
45131
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