Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Here it is, gentlemen.

Enough kaboom to turn Gotham into the world's biggest pothole.

What say we start the bidding at one million?

-One million. -Two million.

-Three million. -Five.

Gentlemen, please. Don't insult me with nickel-and-dime bids.

The man who walks out with this bomb walks out with Gotham in his pocket.

Yours to pick clean or blow sky-high.

Your call. What am l bid?

JOKER: How about nothing?

lero, zip, zilch, nada.

My personal check for bupkis.

Drawn on the First National Bank of Squadoo.

(JoKER LAUGHS)

(GUNS CoCKING)

Sory, boys,

this lot is sold.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLING)

(GRoANS)

Whoops.

(SCREAMS)

You really should loosen up, dear.

Have a laugh now and then.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

That's so much more pleasant.

MAYOR: Alerting the public now would on)y cause a panic, tommissioner.

But if that madman plans to use the bomb, we've got to clear the city.

MAYOR: l can't evacuate 10 million people on your susp�c�ons.

We don't even know if the bomb's still in Gotham.

Keep me posted if you Find anything.

The Joker will be extra cautious this time.

We'll have to think like him.

Or recruit someone who does.

(SINGING)

(DooR oPENS)

Ms. Quinn.

(GASPS)

(GRoANS)

(GAGGING)

Don't you knock before entering a lady's boudoir?

-l need help. -Well, you've come to the right place.

l recommend a lobotomy.

The Joker's stolen a bomb.

lf l can't get to him in time

this city and everyone in it is going up in a mushroom cloud.

So you want me to turn squealer on Mr. J. Ha!

Sory, B-man, no deal.

l've talked to Gordon and Dr. Bartholomew.

You help me find the Joker, and they'll write your ticket out of here.

Whee!

lf you promise no double-cross.

Ah, shoot, take all the fun out of life.

l don't have time foriokes.

Okay, okay, l promise.

Shake?

Oh, the irony of it.

The grim, stalwart Dark Knight and his greatest female adversary

fighting together to save the city.

l sense a lack of trust.

Sure you don't need any help keeping Z�ppy under contro)?

l'm fine.

Besides, l need you to be ready iF Gordon's men get any leads.

-l'll signal if there's trouble. -You got it.

-HARLEY: l wanna listen to the radio. -Don't!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oops.

Listen, and listen good.

You don't touch anything, say anything

or do anything unless l tell you!

-Got it? -Yes, sir.

So far, Joker hasn't been seen at any of his old hideouts.

l want you to show me the last place he used when he escaped.

Okay.

This used to be our special love nest.

Have a look around while l slip into something more comfortable.

No tricks.

Hey, we have a deal, remember?

-(HYENAS GROWLING) -(yELps)

(HYENAS SNARLING)

Whee!

Ah! l feel like a human being again.

Hi, babies! Mommy's home!

Are you the sweetest babies?

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

How do you like our ha-hacienda?

Charming.

Especially these monitors.

Between the cops, city hall and the mayor's office,

Joker has the whole city wired.

He's a genius.

What's the attraction, Quinn?

This sick in Fatuation with the Joker.

Look, Bats, when l was a doctor

l was always listening to other people's problems.

Then l met Mr. J., who listened to me for a change and made everything fun.

You think it's funny when he hurts people?

lt's iust a ioke.

Hope you're still laughing when it's your turn.

Hmph.

BATMAN: Meet us at the Apex novelty factory.

Quinn says it's an old hideout. But the Joker may be using it again.

l'm on my way.

-Grab on. -l can do it myseIF, thank you.

Ha-ha! Ow!

(LAUGHS FLIRTINGLY)

(SCREAMING)

Sneak, sneak, sneak.

-Shh. -Shh.

What do you mean, ''Shh''? No one's been in this dump for years.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANICKED CHMER)

HARLEY: Uh-oh.

(BmMAN GRoANS)

Hey, guys, look who l got.

(GRoANS)

BOXY: Well, well.

lf it ain't the big, bad Batman

come to break up Boxy Bennett's little social club.

lt's gonna cost you, freak, big time.

Hi, Boxy. Long time no see.

Harley Quinn.

Last l heard, they tossed you in the squirrel Farm and swallowed the key.

What you doing with the Bat?

(GULPS)

Come on, you don't think l was working with Batman?

l know you'd blow us both away if you thought that.

You thought right, sugar.

Phew.

So, you ain't seen Mr. J. around, have you?

Nope.

You know, l never could figure what a cute little number like yourself

saw in a slob like the Joker.

Especially when there are suave guys like me around.

Now, Boxy.

Sure, my pudding's a little temperamental.

But, gee, what relationship doesn't have its ups and downs?

(ALL GASP IN CoNFUSloN)

Ha!

A flat.

(SoFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) l neyer knew That our romance had ended

Unt�( you poisoned my food

And l thought it was a lark

When you kicked me in the park

But now l think it was rude

l never knew that you and l were finished

Unti( that bottle hit my head

Though l tried to be alooF

When you pushed me offthe rooF

l Feel our romance is dead

lt wouldn't have been so bad Ifyou had told me

That someone had taken my place

But no No, you didn't even scold me

You just tr�ed to disFigure my Face

You'll never know How this heart of m�ne is breaking

lt loo_s so hopeless, but then

Life used to be so placid

Won't you please put down that ac�d?

And say that we're sweethearts again

(ALL CHEERING)

MAN 1 : Yeah. MAN 2: All right, baby!

Whoo! All right, B and R!

ROBIN: Hey, ugly.

They're all working together.

(RoBIN GRUNTS)

(GRoWLS)

Let's go, Quinn!

Quinn!

HARLEY: Whee!

Bombs away!

-Huh? -(ALL vELp)

Yes!

(SHRIEKS)

Did you see the way l handled those creeps?

Pow! Bam!

Oh, Batgirl, eat your heart out.

What was she be Fore she went bonkers?

A clinical psychiatrist.

Figures.

_____5____�2\code(0135)___M' 0_r____go

l even checked with Gordon again, and the mayor still re Fuses

to let the cops evacuate the city.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Oh, it's brilliant.

Way to go, Mr. J.!

What are you saying?

Oh, come on, Bats.

You've seen how my pudding keeps an eye on Gotham.

What better way to t�e up the cops

than to tie up the may0r?

Whoo-hoo!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

See, do l know how Mr. J. thinks, or what? Ha!

And here you thought l was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo.

Well, the joke's on you. l'm not even a real blond.

Good job.

Huh? Hey!

-What gives? -l can't risk you warning the Joker.

Would l do a thing like that?

Hey, let me out! Come on!

Boy, you iust can't trust some people.

Nothing like a moonlight dip, eh, Mr. Mayor? (LAUGHING)

Please, iust make your ransom demands and get on with it.

Oh, no ransom this time, Hammy.

-You can't mean-- -Oh, yes, indeedy-do.

lnstead of taking you, the cops and the Batman down separately,

l'm going to blast you all at once.

Send down the plane, boys.

We're blowing town.

Literally.

Yes, si_.

But all those innocent people.

Some joke on them, eh? Think of it as the ultimate punch line.

(JoKER LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(GRoANS)

Ha!

(YELPS)

(GRoANS)

(GRUNTING)

What? Hey!

Gee, it's amazing what you find in people's glove compartments.

Harley?

Hi, pudding. Miss me?

You clever little minx.

How did you escape from Arkham?

Batman sprung me so l could find you.

Had me all locked up in his bad old car, too.

__.

Quinn, we had a deal!

Deal's off, B-man. No one ever said anything about hurting Mr. J.

(VEHICLE APPRoACHING)

Oh!

AUTOMATED VOlCE: 1_minute countdown sequence has been engaged.

Oh, my Lord.

Come, my dear.

We'll get to a safe altitude, then watch the Fireworks.

lt's lucky you were here, Harley.

The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time

to swing by Arkham and pick you up.

Quiet, brat.

You were gonna come back for me, weren't you, pudding?

Of course, pumpkin pie.

lt's iust that... Well, here you are,

so l can save myself a trip.

But what about all our friends?

lvy and Two-Face and hat guy and lizard man and puppet head and-

What about them?

Don't forget your little pets.

(GASPS) The babies! We can't leave the babies!

l'll buy you a goldfish!

-Let's go! -No!

Why, you little-

(GRoANS)

You know, Bats, l got a crazy idea

Mr. J. may not be the guy for me after all.

(HARLEY SHRIEKS)

(GASPS)

Ha!

-Go around again! -But, boss...

-l said do it! -Yes, sir.

(TIMER BEEPING)

(BEEPING SToPS)

-Made it with time to spare. -(pLANE AppRoAcHINc)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

That bomb's going off even iF l go with it!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Laugh this off, pudding!

BOTH: Whoa!

(SCREAMS)

(CoUGHING)

-Freeze, clown. -Quinn, stop!

He's mine, Bats.

You wouldn't dare.

You don't have the guts.

Not in a million years would you-

(BoTH GASP)

(BoTH SIGH IN RELIEF)

(LAUGHS)

Baby, you're the greatest.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)