Original subtitles

Get the fuck away from me.

This is not somebody in your piece of shit band.

What the fuck is your problem?

No.

I've heard what you said.

I know about human trafficking.

Wait until I call my fucking lawyer.

I'm gonna sue you for everything you're worth.

Amy?

Shannon, thank god you're here.

This guy tried to fucking kidnap me.

What?

He locked me in his car and he wouldn't let me out.

I didn't try to kidnap her.

She couldn't open the door.

OK, well, then your doorknob is broken.

That's on you.

Either way, I felt fucking trapped.

I drove her two hours from the airport.

She needs to pay cash.

Oh, we're having this conversation again.

I told you four times.

We live in a digital economy.

Who the fuck carries cash?

Huh, the Dairy Queen closed.

Thanks again for the cab fare.

Yeah, sure.

You can just pay me back whenever.

Well, I wasn't really expecting you,

but the extra guest bedroom on the second floor

is free, if you want to post up in there.

Cool.

See you like got dibs on the bigger guest room?

I guess so.

I have been here for a couple weeks.

And Pat's coming tomorrow.

Pat?

Yeah, Pat, my boyfriend, for like three years.

I thought you knew his name.

No.

No.

I like do.

I just like... I just like wanted to make sure I knew which

Pat you were talking about.

Oh, coo. Right.

How the fuck do you work this?

So do you want to go up and see her?

Who?

Nana.

You mean like...

like right now?

Did you want to do it later?

I kind of just got here.

I thought there'd be like a gradual build.

I didn't know you like wanted to whisk me in immediately.

I thought like, take a nap, eat a Chobani, and then go in

and see her.

You know what? I think we should go in now.

OK. Cool.

God, I'm dehydrated.

So how long has she been like this?

She's been unresponsive for a couple weeks now.

I mean, I assume you like tried to wake her up.

What?

Nana.

What are you doing?

Yeah, Amy.

Yeah.

- Yeah, we tried waking her up. - Cool.

So tell me about this library you're working at.

Oh, it's really nice.

Yeah.

We just got a drive-in book drop.

Like a drive-in...

Yeah, like you drive in with your car

and drop off your books.

That's so fucking crazy.

I think it's so noble what you do.

It's like... almost like taking a vow of poverty.

You're very saint-like.

Oh, I'm not a volunteer.

I mean, they pay me.

Oh, I know.

Like a stipend.

That's great.

So how about LA?

Do you... do you just love it?

Yeah.

Oh my god.

You'd be obsessed with it.

It's amazing.

Awesome.

Maybe in spring I could come visit you sometime.

We could like go like see the tarpits or something.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

We'll see what's happening then.

Oh, no.

I mean, I don't want to impose.

No.

No.

No.

No.

It's just... it's pilot season, so...

Oh, I don't know what that is.

God, it's good to see you.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

All right.

Well, I think I'm gonna read for it and hit the hay.

Yeah. Me too.

This jet lag is killing me.

Isn't California only a three hour time difference?

Yeah.

But they say three hours can be worse than 16 hours sometimes.

Yeah.

I don't really think it works that way.

Yeah. No.

It does.

I read part of an article in Harper's about it.

OK.

Well, I think I'm gonna go to the mall tomorrow.

Do you want me to grab anything for you?

No.

Not unless they're got something that can bring Nana

back from the brink of death.

- I'm joking, obviously. - OK.

Well, goodnight.

Goodnight.

Hi, Dave.

It's your favorite client, Amy.

I'm just calling to see if you've heard

anything about that audition.

My phone lost reception when I went

to the bathroom a few minutes ago,

but feel free to shoot me a call back.

I might be a little tied up later.

But I'll call you right back.

And yeah.

I hope to talk to you soon.

This is Amy.

Did I say that? already?

Yeah.

I did.

OK.

Bye.

Morning.

Hi.

How is she doing?

Good.

Do you know what the Wi-Fi password is?

No.

What kind of meds is she on?

Dexamethasone, Protonix, Zofran, Dilaudid.

Are any of those like painkillers?

Who are you?

I'm her granddaughter, one of them.

I'm just trying to make sure she has enough medication

to ease her pain.

Well, she's very well taken care of.

- Don't worry. - OK.

OK I'm just checking.

But like if she like looks like she's in more pain

and we need to like give her more medication,

where would we find it?

OK.

Looks like you got everything well taken care of.

I'll just...

Hey, sorry. One sec.

36, 37, 2, 3, 4.

Sorry about that.

Hi.

I'm glad you were counting out loud.

I was wondering how many you had done.

OK.

I'm Pat.

You must be Amy.

Yeah.

Whoa, nice grip.

Ah, thanks.

Wait.

Really?

So you and Shannon went down to the mall this morning?

She went to jam out a few errands.

So I just came back here to jam out a quick workout.

You been to that mall?

Huh?

The... the Lighthouse Mall?

Have you been there?

Yeah.

They've got this candle store there.

It has literally every different kind of candle scent

that you can imagine. Oh, yeah.

Wax World.

My friend Carly used to work there in high school.

They have one candle that smells like leather.

Like you light it and your room smells like leather.

Like I don't know who'd want their room

to smell like that, but...

Well, I actually dated this guy in Topanga who

was like really into leather.

It was actually like a huge sticking point

in our relationship.

So Shannon says you're an actor?

Mhm.

My show's on hiatus right now.

So...

Really?

So do you, like, know any famous people?

Or...

Yeah, actually, I go to the same podiatrist as the guy

who plays Freddie Krueger.

What?

Bob England? I love him.

I grew up watching all his movies.

When he was like, hey, bitch.

Hey, you bitch.

He does that laugh when he flicks his tongue.

I don't know he does it. I can't do it at the same time.

But that's fucking dope.

That's awesome.

Hi.

So Pat what are you guys up to tonight?

Just like chill out, do some Sudoku, you know,

maybe foam roll a little.

I was thinking, what if we, like,

surprise Shannon and threw a party here at the house?

Oh, do you think that's such a good idea

with Nana and... and all or... Oh, yeah.

Totally.

I mean, she's like kind of in a coma anyway.

So it actually would be like a good thing

if we're like too loud and woke her up.

What about Shannon?

What do you mean?

- Shannon love surprise parties. - Does she?

We got beer, whiskey, vodka, and gin.

Bud lite Cheladas for Shannon.

She finds them refreshing.

- I'll take her word for it. - Yeah.

Did you get Sun Chips?

Yeah.

I got Garden and French Onion.

Beautiful.

So I think all we have left is whipped cream?

For what?

For the pie.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Kidding.

It's for whippets, obviously.

It wouldn't a townie party without a little nitrous oxide,

now would it?

Oh, right.

Shit.

What?

I left my wallet back at the house.

No worries.

I'll get it.

You get me back.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm gonna get a Muscle Milk.

- I'll meet you at the register? - Cool.

Grab me one.

Just kidding.

I don't know what that is.

OK.

It sounds disgusting.

What was that?

Huh?

I'll meet you at the register.

OK.

Amy?

It's me, Ted, from high school.

Right.

You and Shannon were friends in high school.

Didn't you used to be like fight and have like a terrible bowl

cut?

Yes, big diet... big weight problem.

Yeah.

- But you're like hot now. - Thanks, yeah.

I mean, you look good too.

Cool leather jacket.

So what's up?

Good.

I'm doing good.

I'm stilling living in town, working over at Guitar Center.

So that's pretty sweet.

And yeah.

That's about it.

What are you doing here?

Why are you in town?

My grandma is dying actually.

I'm sorry.

Thank you so much for your sympathy.

It's actually been like a good reminder, you know,

that we're all like headed towards the grave.

I mean, like some of us much faster than others,

but, you know, we're all gonna kick the bucket someday.

So we have to, you know, like seize the day and whatnot.

Yeah. Yeah.

For sure. Totally.

- So is Shannon in town too? - Yeah.

Yeah. We're both here.

Very cool.

Very cool.

That's cool. Yeah.

Well, if you guys are in town for a while,

we should all get together, hang out or something.

Actually what are you up to tonight?

Whoo.

How much Tequila did you put in this?

All of it.

It's really good.

Tell you what, we got to kick this fucking party up a notch.

Cause like whatever the energy level is when people get here,

it's gonna set the tone for the entire thing.

Shannon.

Whoo.

Check me out.

I drank a whole fucking Budweiser by myself.

Amy, what in the heck?

I go to Panera for like one second and I come back

and there's all these strangers in our house.

We're throwing a party we wanted to surprise you.

Well, congratulations.

- I'm surprised. - Good.

Did you there's tether ball outside.

What? No.

It was Pat's idea.

OK. Great.

You know I love tether ball.

But like, what made you think that you could

have all these people here?

Nana's dying upstairs.

Shannon, relax.

Everything's under control.

This is my thing.

You know how you're really good at shelving books

and having asthma attacks?

I'm really good at throwing parties.

You could've asked me first.

You would've said no.

Come on.

Let's just grab a couple of Bud Light Cheladas

and kick back and relax.

Bud Light Cheladas?

Uh huh.

You have Cheladas?

Yeah, we got a whole six pack for you.

- They're very refreshing. - OK.

OK. Fine.

But no one is allowed upstairs.

Of course.

Where did you say those Cheladas were?

Stop saying Cheladas.

Um.

So Hollywood, huh?

It must be pretty cool to live out in Cali, right?

I mean, nobody really calls it Cali.

But yeah, it's pretty tight.

Cool. Cool.

Yeah.

I went on a business trip out there a few years ago.

I stayed at the Marriott out on Long Beach.

Oh, yeah.

- You been to long Beach? - Yeah.

I had a panic attack at the Jamba Juice there last year.

Of course.

Right.

Yeah.

So you're... you're an actress.

Have you been in anything I've heard of or...

Yeah.

I actually just shot an episode of "Where

to Sin in Brentwood Park."

That's the soap opera, right?

- Daytime sitcom, but yeah. - Sure.

But anymore, really, everyone knows

that's where like the most interesting writing

on television is happening.

The Times did an in-depth review of our episode.

And they said it was the most scintillating one

of the season. That's great.

The New York Times wrote about your work?

I mean, it was the Soap Opera Times,

but really anymore, everyone knows that's, like,

where the most, like, interesting writing

about television is happening.

Totally.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't go up there.

My grandma's dying up there.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Sorry.

Hey, babe?

Yeah?

Can you take this box into the other room?

Yeah.

There's some heirlooms in here.

Hey, can I take all the food out of the fridge?

I got to put my beer somewhere.

Oh my god.

Ted.

Hey.

Hi.

- Hi. - Yeah.

I heard you guys were having a little soiree tonight.

- So I thought I'd stop by. - Yeah.

Hi.

What are you doing...

I saw your sister at the grocery store,

said you guys were in town. So...

Oh, yeah.

Our grandma's dying.

Yeah, that's what Amy said.

I'm Sorry.

It's OK.

It's not really OK.

Yeah.

This is nuts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're just having a pretty dope party here, just...

it's probably gonna be like kind of crazy later.

So I just want to like get some of this, like, lame shit outta

here.

Yeah.

What... what's that?

What are you holding?

It's a giraffe salt and pepper shaker.

Are you fucking serious?

You had a Sega Dreamcast this entire time

and you didn't think to tell me?

Pat, this is Ted.

Hey, Ted.

- Nice to meet you. - Hey.

How are you?

- Ted, I've heard a lot about you. - Really?

Maybe not.

All right.

Cool.

I see you're packing some heat there.

- What? - Oh, the beer?

Yeah. Yeah.

What do you say we shotgun run the bad boys?

Yeah.

OK. Sure.

Yeah.

Great.

So what I wanted to do, dude, is take the beer can and sort

of hold it canted at 45 degrees, take a number two pencil,

and then...

and then... whoa.

Wasn't ready for it, but OK.

Here we go.

OK.

And then... And then sort of...

I love how the bubbles...

cover your dome.

Looks like you've got a lot more left in there though, bud.

Yeah.

But it's mostly... yeah it's mostly foam.

It's like getting espresso, you don't

want to drink the bottom of it.

So yeah, they brought him in this week.

And you know, he seems nice.

He's got... he's got a nice family.

So it's kind of nice for him.

We're sisters.

Oh, cool.

Guess which one of us is younger?

Ooh.

Really?

Yeah.

OK.

You?

Wow.

Thanks.

It was you?

- Was I wrong? - No.

But you don't have to be such a fucking dick about it.

So yeah, the point is they're...

they're phasing out my job. Whatever.

It's gonna be rough, but...

it's gonna be a challenge.

So how long have you and Shannon been going out?

About three years.

Yeah.

It sounds funny saying that out loud, three years.

It's like almost the amount of time between two Olympics.

Yeah.

Actually, the first time we hooked up

was during the summer Olympics.

Yeah, basketball.

No.

Rhythmic gymnastics.

Basketball's the winter.

So you guys are pretty serious then, right?

Oh, yeah.

We try and watch as many medal rounds as we can.

No.

- I mean like, relationship-wise. - Oh, yeah.

I mean, can you keep a secret?

Yeah.

Thank god.

- I think she's the one. - Oh.

OK.

Here.

Drink this.

Can you feel the energy in your hands?

I think so.

I mean, I think the blue one might be doing something.

I'm not sure what the...

whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no, no.

It's OK. It's OK.

She's DNR.

What's DNR?

Do not... it's not interesting.

There you go.

There you go, sweetie.

Get all those Cheladas out.

I feel like I'm throwing up at Red Lobster.

Red Lobster?

Yeah.

OK. That's cool.

Morning.

A little hungover, are we?

I feel like I'm dying.

Do you know what kind of coffee this is?

I don't know.

Coffee coffee.

Yeah.

But is it like single origin?

Do you know what country it's from?

Is it even organic?

I don't know.

- Look at the can. - Ugh.

It's from a can?

Knock, knock.

Whoa.

Hey, can we fucking help you?

Amy, whoa, this is Pastor Wes.

He lives down the street.

Hey.

Sorry about that.

That's all right.

Wes, this is my older sister Amy.

Barely older, but yeah.

Amy, it's so nice to meet you.

And for a second there I thought I was under attack.

I came in and the immediate cursing.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

I guess I'm just, you know, used to people

asking permission before they barge into my space.

Amy, Wes has been a huge help in taking care of Nana.

You really, really don't have to say that, but yeah.

I have.

I come by the neighborhood to kind of swing

by people places who are a little more advanced in age.

It's part of my calling, I guess.

Sounds very fulfilling.

It is.

Now, Amy, you live in Los Angeles?

Shannon was telling me that, right?

Yeah.

Los Feliz, well, actually South Glendale, but everyone

knows that's actually where all the interesting stuff

is happening anymore.

Have you been to Los Angeles?

You know, I took my little cousin Seth for his birthday

to Disney World. Yeah.

That's in Florida. But...

It's close enough.

- So how long are you hear, Amy? - Yeah.

I don't know.

I got a lot of balls in the air and irons in the fire.

So... yeah.

Yeah.

I'm gonna be around for a while.

Well, good, because Shannon, I know,

has been working her little behind off around the house.

And maybe you could help her out.

You know, help your sister out.

There's a big laundry list of things to do.

And you could kind of tick off some stuff for her.

You can do some stuff together, definitely.

But I there are some things you could kind of take on yourself.

Say, Wes, while we're on the topic of laundry lists

and documents, I was wondering if you

by chance, just out of curiosity,

know if Nana had a will?

No.

I... I don't know if she had a will.

I just come by and make sure she's comfortable.

Yeah.

But don't you think she'd be so much more comfortable if she

knew her affairs were in order and everyone

knew where her money was going?

Amy.

Amy, the only will I'm really concerned with

is the will of the Lord.

Now, if you two will excuse me,

I'm going to go scurrying on upstairs

and take care of the lady of the hour.

If you're in town for a while, you should stop by my church.

It might do you some good.

Whoa.

Look what I found.

Remember how much we used to play with those?

I know.

What a couple of little dipshits.

No. I thought that was fun.

It's a fucking can with string.

How entertaining could it be?

Hello.

What's an orgasm?

- That's me being an 8-year-old. - Yeah.

Got that.

Can I ask you question?

How much do you trust this guy around Nana?

What do you mean?

I saw this "Dateline NBC" episode where this guy dressed

up as a pastor and he would go into old ladies' houses

and pretend to be a pastor.

And they would fall in love with him

and leave them all their money when they died.

No.

I'm not really worried about that happening.

But he is right that there is a bunch of stuff around the house

that needs to get fixed.

Like what?

Like the gutters need to be cleaned out.

OK.

What else?

That chair needs to be fixed.

That thing?

I can fix that in like five seconds.

What else?

She has a copy of "One Hour Photo" that's like nine months

overdue.

Do you think you could handle returning that?

Are you fucking serious?

Yes.

I can handle that.

Hey, Pat and I are gonna go hang out in town.

Do you want to come?

I'm really busy doing work right now.

Oh.

That's so strange, cause it sounds

like you're watching "Murphy Brown" reruns on your laptop.

It's research.

It's fucking ill that you found

a coffee shop in this town that makes pour over.

Yeah.

I found it online.

I guess it just opened.

I can't believe people drink the cat piss they try to pass

off as coffee in this town.

Why are you stopping here?

Turn around.

Turn around right now.

Look, Pastor Wes felt really bad that we

got off on the wrong foot.

And he just wanted to chat with us.

I'm not doing it.

- I'm not going there. - OK.

Fine.

Shannon, crack a window at least.

Shannon, dogs die like this.

Do they really have pour over?

Whoo.

How's everyone doing?

Good.

So Wes, how can we help you?

In someone's last days, it becomes

crucially important to get your ducks in a row as it were.

In terms of...

In terms of the afterlife.

Yeah, good question, Shannon.

Yeah.

I'm like barely out of my 20s.

So I don't think I have to worry about that yet.

I'm talking about your grandmother, of course.

She was a very, very important member of our congregation.

And as such, I would like to make

sure we're all on the same page, if that makes any sense.

Well, yeah, I see where this is going.

And where is that, Amy?

I've seen "Dateline."

I have too.

I saw the donation box up front.

It's stuffed full.

And those didn't look like singles.

OK.

I don't... I can't connect that to "Dateline" necessarily.

But we're raising money for the youth group

to send them to South America on an extreme Bible mission trip

to bring food and water and skateboards

to under-served communities in Peru, actually.

There's the poster.

Wow.

We're very proud of it.

OK.

I brought you here today, because I think

your grandmother would be able to pass on into the afterlife

a little bit easier if she knew you two

were baptized in this church. Yeah.

No fucking way.

Oh, and with the language again.

Oh, I get it.

He's... he's doing a kickflip on a skateboard

that's a... but it's a cross.

You stay out of this, Shannon.

This is between me and Billy Graham.

I'm sorry, Billy Graham?

- Did I stutter? - Yeah.

You just did a little bit on the actual word stutter?

And maybe you're doing ironically.

But I think you were doing it ironically

as a way of being defensive.

I'm only being defensive, because you're being offensive

in an environment that is traditionally

known as a safe space, at least from a legal standpoint.

I didn't want to have to do this here.

But I'm just gonna have to go ahead.

Lord, we thank you today as we send these girls on a journey,

a journey of new beginnings. Please...

What are you doing?

In the name of the Father, the Son...

You can't do that.

And the Holy Spirit.

It's seltzer water.

No.

Stop it.

It's raspberry flavored.

I can't believe you told a clergymen go fuck himself.

He may be exempt from taxes, but that does not mean

he's exempt from criticism.

He clearly just wants a piece of Nana's estate.

Why are you so paranoid that everyone wants Nana's money?

Because I've seen it happen a million times before.

You've seen what happen a million times before?

This.

I don't know what this is.

Don't you think that's part of the problem, Shannon?

I seriously wonder if you were adopted sometimes.

Is that a new jacket?

Oh, yeah.

I... I got it when you guys were our?

Isn't that the same one Ted has?

I think it's...

I think it's similar.

But I think the... the stitching's different.

OK.

Two truths and a lie.

I'll go first, all right?

Ready?

Number one, I bought a new jacket today.

Two, I'm an orange belt in Taekwondo.

And three, I once was attacked by wild dogs.

And I made it out...

I beat all them up and made it out.

- Three is the lie. - Yeah.

You got it.

So do you drink or do I drink?

- I think we all drink. - All right.

Sounds good to me.

OK. I'll go.

Number one, Jeff Koons once exposed himself to me.

Number two, Alexa Chung once tried

to sell me fake blow in the bathroom of a Cirque du Soleil.

Or three, I once had an abortion in the middle

of a three week juice cleanse.

Well, you had...

I don't want to know.

Is it... is it two?

You got it.

- The blow was definitely real. - Wow.

What Cirque did you see?

The underwater one.

That's a good one.

Oh my god.

It was amazing.

You guys are not doing this game right at all.

That's not a lie.

You still did the blow, with Alex Chung or whatever her name is.

If that's not how it's played, how... how should we play it?

We used to make them less obvious.

Like for me, I would say, one, I've never been to Europe.

Two, I'm writing a novel.

Or three, I broke my arm in the third grade.

Number three is lie.

No.

Number one.

I've never been to Europe.

No.

Bullshit.

You broke your arm in the fourth grade.

Well, what difference does that make?

Well, if you're gonna play fast and loose with the truth,

then this game is just a feeble charade.

Well, how do you even know that that's

a grade that I broke it in?

I read it in your diary.

You read my diary?

- Yeah. - Like when?

Like... like in middle school?

No.

Like last night.

What the fuck?

Are you serious?

Yeah.

What's the big deal?

I like found it in a box and I liked flipped through it.

It's not like you're afraid of drinking fountains anymore.

You're afraid of drinking fountains?

My god the best part was when you were talking about Ted.

Oh my god, Ted got the cutest bowl cut today.

Ted sat next to me in lunch and he ate all his prunes.

There was like an entire page just like covered in his name

in like bubble letters.

That's very funny, Amy.

That's a great joke.

I'll go upstairs and get and show you.

Oh my gosh.

I am... I'm gonna go inside.

I am... I'm beat.

You guys have... you guys have...

you guys have fun.

You don't have to go.

No, no, no.

It's all right.

Right?

Hey, have a good night.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Why would you think that's OK?

We're sisters.

I figured we share everything.

Oh.

Oh, OK.

So... so now, we're sisters?

Were we sisters when you disappeared after mom's funeral

and went to La and nobody heard from you for three years?

That's not what happened.

- Yes, it is. - No.

I went to a yoga retreat in Martha.

And then, I went to LA.

How do you think that made me feel?

Huh?

I really could've used some of that sister sharing then.

You know, I don't even know why I'm surprised that you

would do something like this.

I thought you came back to see Nana

and, I don't know, maybe to see me.

But you came back to get your inheritance.

And then, you're gonna leave and no one's

gonna hear from you again.

What do you want me to say, huh?

You want to hear how I'm, like, broke

and unsuccessful out there?

What are you talking about?

You're on a big TV show.

I was a background extra on a fucking soap opera.

And it's the only paycheck I've had in months.

So yeah, I do need the money, because I'm broke.

I'm gonna have to move out of my shitty

fucking studio apartment.

Well, you're always talking about how you live

in such a nice neighborhood.

Don't get me wrong, the neighborhood is fucking...

Then, why don't you move to a cheaper one?

God, I'm sick of this town.

I'm sick of not being able to find

a decent bottle of Lambrusco.

I'm sick of boning poor townies.

What poor townies did you bone?

I was kidding.

Never mind.

What poor townies?

Ted?

Is Ted the poor townie?

It wasn't a big deal, OK?

I thought this game was an exercise

in openness and honesty.

Guess that was the lie.

Amy?

Oh my god. Amy, hi.

Hey.

It's... it's Rachel.

Yeah, Ra... Rachel.

Hey.

Hi.

Are you OK?

Oh, that?

Yeah. Yeah.

I was just doing that as a joke.

Oh, OK.

OK.

I hear you're in LA now.

That's great.

Yeah.

I live right off of 5.

I'm not really sure what that means.

Yeah.

It's like one of the biggest highways in the city.

Oh. Yes.

Of course. Yeah.

Well, that's great.

And oh my gosh, I saw your episode of where

"Where to Sin in Brentwood Park."

That's amazing.

Congratulations.

Oh.

Thank you so much.

And like what about you?

- You're like in like still into... - Theater.

Yeah, theater.

Yeah, you were like always like really into the theater.

I'm actually teaching acting now

down at the community college. Wow.

That's so great, Ra...

Rachel.

Yeah, Rachel.

Yeah.

It's so weird you keep doing that, because I like...

I totally know your name.

Hey, would you have any interest

in stopping by my class?

I know that they would love to hear from a real Hollywood

star like you.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Of course.

Oh, that's great.

I'm actually on my way there do you want to join?

Like, right now?

Yeah.

I mean, unless you have something else to do.

Yeah, i actually...

So can you just talk a little bit about Hollywood?

LA is like fucking tight.

There's like really great Coffee.

Cafe Lux has like a cold brew that'll like make you come.

Like serious.

There's like really great sushi downtown,

but like not much else.

Great.

What about acting there?

Can you talk a little bit about that?

Yeah, sure.

Um yeah, it's like really hard.

You like basically want to be with the one

in the big five agencies.

I'm of course, with CIA.

And you know, just like pound the pavement.

Great.

Does anyone have any questions for Amy?

Yeah, Kate.

Have you ever been to the Walk of Fame?

Yes, unfortunately.

Cool.

I was accosted by a Jamaican there once.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

Do you have any experience with UCB?

Is that a bar?

No.

It's a theater.

Amy, can you talk a little bit about your process?

My process.

Your acting process.

Oh, right.

It like... it like...

it changes for like every project.

I like employ a lot of breathing techniques.

And I actually like the traditional notion of a process

is like actually like a fallacy.

So like, I wouldn't want to conform.

Yeah.

It's different for every project.

Cool.

That's really cool.

Yeah. Great.

So we're working on our final scene for the semester.

Would you have any interest in maybe running some lines?

- Yeah. - Great.

Sure.

Great.

So we're doing a scene from "Slumdog Millionaire."

And it's scene 11.

You can Latika.

And um Kevin, do you want to come

up and do a scene with Amy?

- Yeah. - Great.

Cool.

So...

Hey.

Hey.

OK.

So let's just take it from the top.

And are you guys ready?

OK.

Great. Cool.

Great.

And action.

He'll kill us if we go back.

He was going to take your eyes out, for God's sake,

with a bloody spoon.

How could you do this to me?

Um...

No.

How could you do this to me?

You disappear for three years and you come back

and you fucking betray me like this?

No.

It was one thing when you locked me in the basement

when we were kids on Halloween, but

to come here and read my fucking diary, how could you?

How could you be so callous and so insensitive?

I thought I knew you, but I don't know a thing about you.

Nana is dying in the other room, her life leaving her more

and more with every breath.

And you somehow summon the gall to come in here and rifle

through my things with no consideration of my feelings.

You know, I...

I shouldn't be surprised that you'd do something like this.

No. It's so easy for you.

It's so easy for you, because you can just run off to LA.

You can just run off to your shitty fucking apartment,

but I can't.

I can't.

This is my life.

This is my life.

And if you can't see that, then to hell with you.

To hell with you.

That was absolutely brilliant.

I just can't believe Amy.

Yeah?

Well, I thought we were gonna, you know,

come maybe get ourselves a treat and do some window shopping

and not talk about your older sister.

No.

I know.

You're... you're right. You're right.

Just go... go to Was World and check out the new scents.

I'll be good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That sounds good.

Sounds good.

There's actually...

I'm really sorry to interrupt you, Pat.

I just... she's just like this Hollywood brat, you know?

Just like comes into town whenever

it's convenient for her and then just fucks

whoever she wants to.

And it just... it really pisses me off.

Wait. Who did Amy fuck?

Ted.

Can you believe that?

Why do you care if Amy fucks Ted?

Well, I don't like care, obviously.

It's like the principle of the thing.

I mean, it's gonna be weird now every time we see him.

I'm confused.

- Could you just back me up? - Yeah.

100%.

Of course.

Thank you.

Um, what do you want to do?

Well, you know what?

I... I think I just need to be alone.

I'm gonna like go chill in the food court, have a fro-yo.

Is that OK?

Oh, without me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will find a way to occupy myself so that you

can have some alone time.

OK.

- All right? - Thanks.

I'll see you at home.

A nice little boys night we got here, huh?

Yeah.

Are you sure you don't want to try my Margarita?

It's probably the best I've ever had.

I'm good with the beer.

Ted, thank you for coming out so last minute.

I um... I got to admit, things are

kind of heated at the house.

Did you tell Shannon that I slept with Amy?

Oh, no, no, no.

I... I just...

I just found out myself. So...

I didn't want her to find out, you know.

It was like this big drunk thing.

It was a huge mistake. It was stupid.

So...

Right.

No... no problem.

Cool.

Can I... this is just such... this is kind of dude bro talk.

Can I ask you what it's like...

What? Sleep with Amy?

Yeah.

It was weird, man.

It was really weird.

It was really aggressive, you know what I mean?

More than I thought it would be, like a lot of chanting,

a lot weird stuff, man.

Chanting?

You heard of Kama Sutra?

No.

Me either, but she was talking about...

a lot about stuff like that.

Just the sounds that were coming out of her was just...

I don't know, man.

She tore me up.

Well, Ted, I think it'd be a great idea if you came

to Nana's house and you guys all talked

and smoothed things over.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Yeah.

Could can make some drinks and put the kettle corn on.

It's just simple syrup and kernels

and you just kind of let it go. And...

All right.

Actually, that doesn't sound like too bad of an idea,

especially if there's kettle corn there.

I fucking love can kettle corn.

You know what also sounds like not too bad of an idea?

Getting some grub at the table.

I read online that this cantina has the best pambazo.

What's pambazo?

No idea.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Cool jacket, man.

Hey, thanks, Ted.

Hello?

Hey, babe. How was dinner?

- Hi, Ted. - Hey.

It was really good.

We actually were just having some pambazo,

just a little boys' night out.

You guys want a...

you guys want a drink?

- I can whip up some Gimlets. - Yeah.

Hey.

Meet me at the front door.

Yeah, sure.

I'll come.

And bring some vodka.

Amy, what are you doing here?

Shannon locked me out.

Oh, OK.

Well, I... oh.

God, that's good.

Really?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Shannon's gonna be really mad that you're here.

And um, also Ted's here.

What the hell is Ted doing here?

Oh, we were just getting pambazo

and I brought him back here, kind of a boys' night out.

What the fuck is pambazo?

It's a Mexican white...

Never mind.

Come with me.

Where?

Say, we're all out of vodka.

So only had enough to make two.

So I'm just gonna run to the store and grab some more.

Oh, you... you don't need to do that.

I will.

I'll be right back.

Ultimately, I think the best way to structure it is a Roth IRA,

even though the annual contribution cap is $55,000.

But I have a mini golf buddy who works at H&R Block

and that's what he was telling me.

So...

Wow.

So you're like really into retirement.

Oh, you're telling me.

Yeah.

I put at least 45% of every paycheck into the bucket.

I mean, you have got to know that's insane.

I'll tell you what's insane, not being prepared.

You know, I don't think I've ever asked you what you do.

I work at a soup restaurant.

Wow.

You work with homeless people.

That must be so rewarding.

It's not a soup kitchen.

It's a restaurant that sells soup, although we do have

a homeless guy who jerks off in the bathroom

on a consistent basis.

So...

So you and Amy?

Huh.

Yup.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

I feel like it's weird now.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Don't apologize.

I think it's great.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe she'll be easier to be around once she gets fucked.

You know, we have more of a mature relationship,

Shani and I. You know?

We... we're in bed, most nights, by

or before 9, which in some ways is better than sex.

Really?

No.

No.

Can I tell you a secret?

Hit me.

I'm thinking of proposing to her.

Wow.

Bombshell.

Do you think that's dumb?

The outdated institutions of marriage and monogamy

or you proposing to Shannon?

Either.

I think you guys are great together

and that's all that matters.

So 9 PM, huh?

Not always that early, but...

It's pretty lame either way.

Do you remember Jeff Cornelius from high school?

Was he the guy that threw the dead cat in the lunchroom?

No.

That was... that was Kyle Flynn.

And I think also me.

But Cornelius was the guy who used a Doritos

bag as a condom one time.

What? What?

You didn't hear about that?

That was huge.

What flavor?

Cool Ranch, for sure, obviously.

Actually, I recall reading an article

about how Cool Ranch is a highly effective contraceptive.

I think I read that too.

Yeah, that was very...

that was in a well-published medical journal.

I think it was Mad Magazine.

I wonder where Pat went.

Um, I mean, the liquor store's pretty far away.

So I don't know... and you and him are...

you guys are pretty serious, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, we are.

I mean, we live together.

We have a shared Netflix queue.

I didn't know they still had the... the queue.

Yeah.

And he's like a karate guy?

Or what does he... what is his thing?

Mhm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's training to get his black belt.

- Very cool. - Wow.

Yeah. Yeah.

Karate's like... it's one of those things

where like if I wanted to do it, I would be

like really really good at it.

Oh, really?

I mean, I'm not saying they'd give me my own dojo,

but I'd probably get a black belt pretty quickly.

I'm saying week one I get...

I get my black belt for sure.

That's crazy hearing all those stories

about people from high school.

You know, the craziest thing about back

then is that I had like a huge crush on you

all through high school.

- You did? - Yeah.

You want some?

It'd probably like totally ruin my Taekwondo routine,

but yeah.

I guess I could try to take a drag.

Is this how you do it?

Can I ask you something?

Mhm.

Why are you always like lifting weights

and doing P90X and stuff?

I never really thought about it.

I guess I always just wanted to be somebody that,

like, nobody ever fucked with.

You know?

You wait here.

I'm gonna go get the rest of that vodka.

Don't tell Shannon you're here.

She's gonna be pissed that you're here.

I'll be quiet.

Hey, hey. Wake up.

Let's go and get another drink.

You want to do that right now?

Yeah, yeah.

- I'm buying. - OK.

Let's live a little.

Pat? You home?

Holy shit.

Shannon, I love you.

You're... you are everything to me.

I know it's been crazy lately.

And I know we haven't made love in two months and that's OK.

I'm OK with that.

But there's a question that I have been meaning to ask

you for a really long time.

And I really think now is the perfect time to ask it.

Will you take my hand in marriage?

Oh, hey.

You see the sinks in there?

Oh, man oh man.

It's very nice.

This is unexpected.

What made you want to go out?

You know, I thought it'd be a real treat.

Well, thank you.

Wish I would've known about it a little sooner.

I would've dressed up a little bit.

Oh, no.

You look great the way that you are.

Um, Shannon, there's actually a question I wanted to ask you.

Hey.

Fancy meeting you guys here.

Amy, what are you doing here?

I just thought I'd come tag-along, get

a little nosh with you guys.

Hey, can I get you something to drink?

Yeah, can I see your list of bitters?

Never mind. What are you guys having?

Frangelico.

Oh, that sounds fancy.

It's not.

Trust me.

I'll just have a large glass of gin.

Thanks.

You know, Shannon, you've got the taste

in liquor of an 11th grader.

Amy, remind me again why you're here?

Oh, I just wanted to come be with my family

that I love so dearly.

You know, I happened to notice that you

haven't fixed the chair or returned "One Hour Photo."

Not yet. But I will.

I think they have a very liberal return policies.

So I think we still have a few more days.

That was the simplest thing you had to do.

It seems like it should've been pretty easy to take care of.

It will be really easy to take care of once I set my mind

to it and initiate the process.

And when will that be?

Right after I fix the chair.

Did they bring bread to the table?

Excuse me. Can read some... some bread?

Yeah. I don't work here.

Can you find someone who does?

Do you know what your problem is?

That I wasn't born with a different sister?

Your complete and utter lack of responsibility.

Oh, no.

Mom's yelling at me again.

Don't fucking say that.

Don't censor me, Stalin.

You're insane.

Do you hear the things that you say sometimes?

What do you want me to say?

You've been up my ass this entire trip.

Trip?

This is not fucking semester at sea.

We're only here because Nana is dying.

Shannon, I actually...

Not now, Pat.

You are treating this like it is your own personal vacation,

with no consideration for what is actually important.

You're a child, just drinking all the time and screwing guys.

Oh, is that what children do, drink and have sex?

You know what I mean.

That reminds me of why I came down to this little roadhouse.

Great choice of venue by the way, Pat.

Oh, thanks.

I have a question for you, Shannon.

I was poking around your room earlier

and I happened to come across a little something.

Oh, perfect.

You were going through things again.

You knew where Nana's will was this entire time.

And you thought it was OK to hide it from me?

So you read my diary and now you're rifling

through my fucking luggage.

We are both gonna inherit $75,000.

And you thought it was OK to hide it from me?

Well, I only hid it from you, because it's

pretty obvious that you only came back for the money.

A, that's bullshit.

And B, where the fuck's my gin?

Thank you.

And C, I think you've been hiding a lot of things lately.

Oh, really? Like what?

Well, I don't like French kissing the shit out of Ted.

You French kissed Ted?

That's not... that's not what that sounds like.

That's... that's... that's not...

it's not... that's not...

I was confused.

That's not what it sounds like.

It's... that... it's actually... it's...

it's just like a funny story.

There's shrimp on this carpet.

It's not even a seafood restaurant.

Babe.

Now, look what you've done.

Pat.

Pat?

Jesus fucking Christ.

So just, again, I'm a pastor. And...

I'm sorry.

You just... you scared the living shit out of me.

Yeah.

Where are you going?

I'm looking for my sister's boyfriend.

How is it going by the way, with Shannon, I do want to ask?

We're doing great.

Thanks so much for asking.

Your tone.

What do you have against me?

I just got ask.

Honestly?

Your haircut.

You look like John Edwards joined the Hitler Youth.

That hurt my feelings.

You know?

I think you have clinical trust issues, if I may.

That's what my therapist says.

You really, really have trouble letting people in.

I mean, you... you withhold love actively from people.

OK?

You're doing it with me.

You do it to Shannon, clearly.

And I bet you do it with everyone back home in LA.

What do you know?

I know a lot more than you think actually.

You know, if you had a little more faith,

miraculous things would start to happen.

I'm gonna...

OK.

If one were to want to stop withholding love,

what would one do about that?

So are you asking for a friend or...

- I'm asking for myself. - OK.

That was clear.

I would start by forgiving.

That's it?

Mhm.

I thought you were gonna tell me something stupid, like

to give myself over to God.

Well, I baptized you already.

So that's been taken care of.

No You didn't.

I rejected that baptism.

Water hit your skin.

You... you can't reject it.

That baptism did not count.

The water touched your skin.

Water counts.

I reject that baptism.

The water counts.

Hey, Pat.

How you doing, buddy?

Oh, what do you think?

Pat, come on.

Stop it.

Why?

What's the point?

Well, I mean, I'm pretty sure that's littering.

I was gonna drown myself in the river,

but I'm such a sick swimmer that I'm

pretty my fighter instincts would've kicked in

and not let me drown.

I was so pumped to propose to Shannon.

Like... like I was really excited to spend the rest of my life

with her.

And then, she goes and kisses someone else.

And Ted?

What a fucking chode, you know?

I trusted him.

Whatever happened to bro's before hoes?

I think part of the problem there might

be referring to women as hoes.

It's just an expression.

I don't think Shannon's a hoe.

And I don't think you're a hoe.

Thank you.

You know, I'm not a big actress, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no.

I know.

- You do? - Yeah.

I Googled you.

What'd you find?

Not a lot.

Fuck.

I work at a frozen yogurt shop...

worked at a frozen yogurt shop.

I'm pretty sure they fired me after I

stopped showing up last week.

I work at a fucking soup restaurant.

So we're both failures.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so.

Um, I'm gonna go talk to Shannon.

Are you gonna be OK?

Yeah.

I've got something I need to take care of.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I mean, I know you're going through a lot.

I am.

It's like I was the guinea pig.

No. You're not the guinea pig.

I'm so sorry.

I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your dress.

I just thought it looked cool and I don't know

made me feel closer to you.

No problem, Amy.

It looks better on you than it did on me.

Nana, I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Yeah, well, you know, sometimes

you just have to disconnect from everything for a while.

Why do you think I came back to this shitty town?

No offense.

It's OK.

You can't find a decent cup of coffee for miles around.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I couldn't come back and help out more.

It's OK.

You've been busy in Hollywood.

I still feel like I should visit more.

Sometimes it feels like I don't even have a family, you know?

I hear you.

You want some?

Have you ever known me to turn down a glass of wine?

Where did you find this?

In the corner cabinet?

Yeah.

It's all you had left.

Well, I think that must be three decades old.

Yeah, well, me too, am I right?

Oh, Amy, don't worry.

You're going to be fine.

Oh, I know you worry about your career and your finances

and whether or not you've ever really

had an orgasm, but just know that I have

always been so proud of you.

Oh, Nana, I love you so much.

I love you too.

What were you thinking?

Like I'm genuinely curious to know

what your thought process was.

I'd never been down to the river with her

and I figured my time was running out.

She could've died.

I mean, she's already kind of dying anyways.

Oh my god.

Right?

Am I wrong about that?

So it's not looking good.

Due to her last round of chemo, her immune system

is incredibly vulnerable.

And being outside near the river last night,

she developed pretty severe pneumonia.

I know in our last meeting, I advised you to just

pretty much keep her in bed.

So I'm not sure why anybody thought

it was a good idea to take her outside

in the middle of the night.

I wasn't in that meeting.

So no one told me not to do that.

Nobody told you not to take your dying

grandmother outside at 2:00 AM?

No.

But I mean, I know not to do that now going forward.

I also found trace amounts of alcohol in her bloodstream.

Do either of you know what that's about?

OK.

I'm feeling really attacked right now.

OK.

Doctor, what do we do now?

Besides not taking her outside.

Well, at this point, there's not much we can do.

Your grandmother's condition has been deteriorating

for quite some time.

It was never a question of whether or not

she was going to pass.

It was a matter of when.

At this point, I would say 24 to 48 hours.

I think the best thing we could do at this point

is just try to keep her as comfortable as possible.

Are you fucking serious?

Do your job.

Didn't you take the Socratic oath?

Hippocratic?

Yes I did.

That's kind of what this is all about.

Listen, I'm not here to argue semantics with you, pal.

- Are you a doctor or not? - Whoa.

Look.

I'm... I'm really sorry.

Could we please have a moment alone?

Amy.

Amy.

Amy, stop.

I knew we should've gotten a doctor from the city.

The entire American healthcare system is fucked.

We've got to bring Nana to China.

Herbs, acupuncture, botanicals, spices, oil.

What are you talking about?

She has severe pneumonia.

She wouldn't even make it to the airport.

We'll take a boat.

Amy, stop, OK?

This is really serious.

Well, what should we do?

I mean, what can we do?

You heard what she said.

You know Nana's had a really long and happy life.

And I think she deserves to die with some dignity,

in the company of her family.

I think we should just let nature take it's course.

Can I just say that I am so sorry about everything?

No. I'm sorry.

I... I had no idea you were that poor.

God, you don't have to say it like that.

Sorry.

So that's it?

What do you mean?

We just let Nana...

You know, I think we should try to make her comfortable

and maybe do something with her that we

would have wanted to do anyway.

Stupid thing.

I can't get a picture.

Have you tried turning it on?

Want to watch another one?

I torrented all 10 seasons of "Murphy Brown."

I can go all night.

Wait.

Got any Cheladas left?

Oh, yeah.

You know it.

Thank you, Miles.

We entreat you, oh Lord, to look

with favor on your servant Catherine,

who has passed on to your care.

May you reunite her with her husband Walter.

Please refresh the life that you have created

and then taken away from us.

Chastened by suffering, may she now know that she has been

saved through your healing.

- Through Christ our Lord, amen. - Amen.

Thank you so much for everything.

You're welcome.

I hope it wasn't too late to do the last rites, I mean,

after she's already dead. It's fine.

Can I do like a confession?

Yeah.

Come on down anytime.

I stole a pen from your office.

Or do it now.

It fell between the cushions in the car and it got stuck.

So I can't get it back.

But I wanted to get that off my chest.

You're forgiven.

Cool.

Thanks, Wes.

Can I walk you out?

Sure thing. Yeah.

Is this fucking raspberry seltzer water?

You still have this.

Yeah, I thought I'd keep and take the late fee

out of my inheritance.

What are you gonna do with yours?

I don't know.

I have a mountain of student loans.

So I thought I'd use some of it to pay that off.

Boring.

Well, what should I do with it then?

I don't know.

Why don't you use some of it and come visit me in LA?

OK.

Fine.

That sounds good.

What are you gonna do with yours?

Besides buying DVDs?

I think I might use some of it and give it to Pastor

Wes' church skateboarding trip.

I think Nana would like that.

Yeah, I think so too.

Who's here?

Hello?

Amy, what's up?

It's your agent Dave.

How's it going?

Oh, hi.

Good to hear from you.

Yeah, so, hey, listen.

I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you.

It's been kind of just a hectic week around the office.

I've also been having to drive my kids around town,

you know, back and forth to soccer practice.

We've normally got a nanny that does that,

but she's actually been in the hospital

for three or four days now.

Oh my god.

Is she OK?

I don't know.

She apparently inhaled some chlorine or pool or something.

We hired a replacement already.

So it's not a big deal.

But say, how's New Mexico?

- New York. - Yeah.

Cool. Cool.

Cool Cool.

So hey, listen.

I'm calling because I got some good news for you

and I got some bad news for you.

Do you want to hear it?

I think so.

So bad news is you didn't

get that movie you auditioned for a couple weeks ago.

But the good news is I did book you a commercial.

Really?

Yeah, it's a regional commercial for

a dental school in the Midwest.

Pay is not great, but they're gonna

fly you out and put you up in a Radisson,

which is pretty sweet.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's actually something I've been kind

of wanting to discuss with you.

I feel like we should be kind of focusing more

on commercial gigs like this.

You know, I know you want to do TV and film and stuff,

but maybe that's just not the right direction

for you right now.

Hey, Shannon and I are gonna go

get some food, if you want to...

Amy, can you hear me?

Fucking T-Mobile.

Amy.