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ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
my sister, Erica,
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00:00:02,515 --> 00:00:05,178
and Geoff Schwartz
had quite the love story.
3
00:00:05,188 --> 00:00:08,348
From friends to lovers to exes
and lovers again,
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00:00:08,358 --> 00:00:10,987
all culminating in an epic proposal.
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Finally, the wedding was here.
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00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,421
It's nice. Peaceful.
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00:00:15,431 --> 00:00:16,733
Are we in the right place?
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00:00:16,923 --> 00:00:19,492
And to think I was worried your
mom would do something crazy.
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00:00:19,502 --> 00:00:20,788
I mean, the Harlem Globetrotters
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00:00:20,798 --> 00:00:22,228
were at your brother's bar mitzvah.
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Curly Neal dribbled the entire service.
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00:00:24,509 --> 00:00:26,239
Well, I guess she finally heard us.
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00:00:26,249 --> 00:00:27,868
People really can grow and change.
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00:00:27,878 --> 00:00:29,899
Tech rehearsal starts now!
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00:00:29,909 --> 00:00:31,087
We are two days out.
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00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,655
I want to see sweaty bodies
and high knees.
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00:00:33,665 --> 00:00:35,219
What's happening?
Why do we need a tech rehearsal?
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00:00:35,229 --> 00:00:37,980
I just added a few flourishes
to the ceremony.
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00:00:37,990 --> 00:00:38,990
Wardrobe!
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00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:42,159
The wardrobe is my wedding dress.
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No, that's your fourth change,
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00:00:43,404 --> 00:00:45,588
so go ahead and put on
these processional outfits
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- and let's do this.
- (EUROPE'S FINAL COUNTDOWN PLAYS)
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ADULT ADAM: Yep,
my mom believed in going big.
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00:00:48,768 --> 00:00:51,247
- Why do I have a sword?
- I don't think I can walk in this.
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Oh, you won't be walking.
Good men of Rome!
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Then she went even bigger.
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00:00:56,072 --> 00:00:57,563
Cue the buglers!
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♪
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Some would say over the top.
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00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:02,601
- Where are my unicorns?
- (HORSES WHINNY)
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Way, way over the top.
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Unicorns aren't real!
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This whole thing can't be real!
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00:01:07,666 --> 00:01:09,953
Cue the New Orleans jazz band!
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(FINAL COUNTDOWN CONTINUES)
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Wow. She's really all over the map
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00:01:15,097 --> 00:01:16,616
with the different styles and genres.
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00:01:16,626 --> 00:01:17,929
Yeah, that's the problem.
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Cherry blossoms! Flutter! Now!
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How did that happen?
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Six men are living
in those trees full-time.
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They pee in buckets.
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00:01:26,236 --> 00:01:28,451
Fire-eaters, you should be lit by now!
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Mom, we have to talk about this!
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One step ahead of you.
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We need more. Way more.
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And where the hell are my acrobats?
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Yep, those guys were there, too.
50
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My mom left nothing out.
51
00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:41,443
This looks expensive.
52
00:01:41,453 --> 00:01:43,176
Where the hell did my mom go?
53
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,946
Something tells me that giant
clamshell is gonna clue us in.
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Here's my big reveal!
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(VOCALIZING)
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♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
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♪ I don't know the future ♪
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♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:05,609
ADULT ADAM: It was March 2nd,
1980-something,
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00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:07,244
and my mom had turned
my sister's wedding
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00:02:07,254 --> 00:02:08,769
into a literal freak show.
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00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:10,238
Erica was coming undone.
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00:02:10,248 --> 00:02:12,538
It's all too much.
I think I'm losing it.
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00:02:12,548 --> 00:02:13,874
I've never seen you like this.
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00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,109
It's like all your sarcastic,
tough-girl energy
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has been sucked away and
replaced with nervous anxiety.
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00:02:18,557 --> 00:02:20,021
Oh, God! I'm you!
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- You're me!
- We can't have two yous!
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00:02:21,858 --> 00:02:23,083
I know. One me is too many!
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00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:24,687
Trying to watch the Weather Channel,
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00:02:24,697 --> 00:02:26,326
and I already missed the dew point!
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The dew point!
74
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:28,822
You want to know the weather?
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I'm spinning like a tornado here!
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00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:31,992
Yeah, sure, whatever.
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That's it! I'm almost your husband,
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and it is time that I stand up for you.
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00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:38,131
Time to go confront your mom.
Here I go!
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00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:39,745
- You're not moving.
- Building up to it.
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Sending the message
from my brain to my muscles.
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00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:44,195
Here I mostly go!
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00:02:44,781 --> 00:02:46,506
(GRUNTS)
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♪
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00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:48,875
Mrs. Goldberg, I need...
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00:02:48,885 --> 00:02:50,321
One second, Geoff, I've got a troupe
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00:02:50,331 --> 00:02:52,312
of Chinese acrobats lost in Delaware.
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00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:55,059
Ni xuyao shang 95 bei,
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00:02:55,069 --> 00:02:57,884
huozhe wo hui ba no shuai dao taikong.
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00:02:57,894 --> 00:02:59,730
Now, you selfishly need something
91
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:01,721
24 hours before my glorious day?
92
00:03:01,731 --> 00:03:03,523
It is about your
glorious day, actually.
93
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:04,825
It has turned into something
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00:03:04,835 --> 00:03:06,259
way bigger than we expected.
95
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,039
Oh, thank you for noticing.
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00:03:08,049 --> 00:03:09,495
It was impossible not to notice.
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You're just saying that.
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00:03:11,185 --> 00:03:13,133
Are you trying to sweet-talk
your mother-in-law?
99
00:03:13,143 --> 00:03:14,836
No, what I'm trying to say is,
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00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:16,537
our small, intimate ceremony
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has turned into
an over-the-top spectacle.
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00:03:18,577 --> 00:03:19,840
You really think so?
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00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:22,799
I don't think you're gonna hear
this how I intend it, but... Yes?
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You know, I don't say this enough,
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but you are not that bad, Geoffrey.
106
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Now you relax. I'm gonna confirm
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the surprise musical entertainment.
108
00:03:30,894 --> 00:03:33,803
I'm not gonna give any hints,
but let's just say
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it hits all the right "Marks."
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00:03:36,556 --> 00:03:38,091
Seems like you're suggesting it will be
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multiple people named Mark.
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Well, aren't you the sleuth.
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Now go enjoy your last day of freedom.
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But don't eat anything,
or else you won't fit
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into your sequined matador costume.
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I measured you in your sleep.
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But I don't live
in the same house as you.
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I know.
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- How'd it go?
- Extremely terribly.
120
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Oh, God! There's nothing
we can do to stop this!
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ADULT ADAM: It was hopeless. Or was it?
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We have a winter storm alert.
123
00:04:00,943 --> 00:04:02,593
We had hoped that it might miss us,
124
00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:06,040
but now Philadelphia
is directly in the path of a doozie.
125
00:04:06,296 --> 00:04:07,487
Is this really happening?
126
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,445
This is really happening, folks.
127
00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:12,669
- Yes!
- I just heard the word "storm"!
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00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:14,594
It had better be over a place
that doesn't matter,
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like wherever it is that farmers are.
130
00:04:16,283 --> 00:04:19,132
Nope, right here.
Crazy unseasonal winter blast.
131
00:04:19,142 --> 00:04:20,733
They're saying it's gonna be a doozie.
132
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But wait. Oh, no! The wedding!
133
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Schmoo, don't fret.
134
00:04:24,747 --> 00:04:27,354
I'll just send that nor'easter
back out to the sea
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with my endless well of Mama love.
136
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Yeah.
137
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:32,681
What exactly is happening?
138
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Foul tempest, I banish thee!
139
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The weather, you can't control it.
140
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Begone, evil squall!
141
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Will you look at that?
142
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Now our storm is actually
changing course!
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Changing wha...
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In all my years of meteorology,
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I've never seen anything like this!
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(GRUNTING)
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ADULT ADAM: No one had.
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00:04:51,184 --> 00:04:53,569
It had to be a crazy coincidence, right?
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Folks, we've been spared.
150
00:04:56,112 --> 00:04:57,770
See? It's all good.
151
00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,065
We're gettin' married! Mwah!
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00:05:00,075 --> 00:05:01,368
(LAUGHS)
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I don't... I can't... How?
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00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:05,889
Is my mother-in-law a storm god?
155
00:05:05,899 --> 00:05:08,148
ERICA: I guess we have
no choice but to accept it.
156
00:05:08,158 --> 00:05:10,307
This wedding is happening. (GROANS)
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ADULT ADAM: As Erica continued to spin,
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Barry and I also had strong
feelings about the big day.
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00:05:15,292 --> 00:05:17,808
So, what are you planning
for Erica's marriage thingy?
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00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:18,862
Showing up.
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00:05:18,872 --> 00:05:20,467
- You?
- I may pop in.
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00:05:20,477 --> 00:05:21,794
What are you gonna
wear to this shindig?
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00:05:21,804 --> 00:05:23,997
Mom rented me a tux,
top hat, and tails.
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- You didn't get the cane?
- I don't need a cane!
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My legs are made of oak.
166
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:30,303
I'm using either a king's scepter
or a tactical hiking axe.
167
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I'm going with
a bejeweled wizard's staff.
168
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Oh! Why?
169
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For upstaging me with sorcerer's items!
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Now I may not go at all.
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ADULT ADAM: Meanwhile, Geoff was going
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to stand up to my mom again
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by pretending to be sick.
174
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- (COUGHS)
- (TRAY CLATTERS)
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You coughed. What's happening?
176
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:47,599
Nothing. I-I just have
this cough, I guess.
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00:05:47,609 --> 00:05:48,688
- (COUGHS)
- (GASPS)
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Which I guess you just heard.
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00:05:50,138 --> 00:05:51,167
(COUGHS)
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There it was again.
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Geoffrey, you get married
in less than 23 hours.
182
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You cannot be sick.
183
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,374
Oh, no! You don't think we may
have to delay the wedding, do you?
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00:05:58,384 --> 00:05:59,699
That would be awful,
but it's your call,
185
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and definitely the right one.
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Take three cherry drops, two menthol,
187
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,635
and one of these weird European ones
188
00:06:04,645 --> 00:06:06,639
that taste like a yodeler's armpit.
189
00:06:06,649 --> 00:06:08,729
I think it might be
more serious than just a cough.
190
00:06:08,739 --> 00:06:10,443
What are your symptoms, Geoffrey?
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00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,318
Because all you need to be is upright
192
00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,731
and able to mumble, "I do."
193
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:14,999
Well, I'm dizzy.
194
00:06:15,009 --> 00:06:17,823
My tummy's bothering me,
but it's also my head.
195
00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:19,343
My eyeballs are hot.
196
00:06:19,353 --> 00:06:20,620
My teeth are cold.
197
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,765
And is this a thing?
My tongue, it's expanding.
198
00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:26,059
(LISPING) Loog, ith happenink light mow!
199
00:06:26,069 --> 00:06:27,366
Smart. Call off the wedding.
200
00:06:27,376 --> 00:06:29,318
I'm not calling off (BLEEP).
201
00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:31,661
Get me all the doctors!
202
00:06:31,671 --> 00:06:34,267
Doctors? W-We don't need to
bring medical professionals into this.
203
00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:36,669
We are gonna poke, prod,
and check your fluids,
204
00:06:36,679 --> 00:06:39,072
and if all goes well,
smash you together good as new!
205
00:06:39,082 --> 00:06:40,473
Adam! Barry!
206
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,468
Is it time for the wedding?
I'm not showering.
207
00:06:42,773 --> 00:06:43,823
I've thought about it,
208
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,346
and I no longer want the
honor of being the ring bearer.
209
00:06:46,356 --> 00:06:47,824
Mostly 'cause I lost that tiny pillow.
210
00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:49,915
Nothing to be alarmed about,
but I'm taking Geoffrey
211
00:06:49,925 --> 00:06:52,429
to every physician
in the Philadelphia area.
212
00:06:52,439 --> 00:06:55,099
- Sounds right.
- How does that concern us?
213
00:06:55,109 --> 00:06:57,028
Since I'll be busy with Geoff,
it means you boys
214
00:06:57,038 --> 00:06:59,725
need to take Erica to our scheduled
Mother-Daughter Spa Day.
215
00:06:59,735 --> 00:07:01,645
Spa day? That's girl stuff.
216
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:04,199
Yeah, do these rugged hands look like
217
00:07:04,209 --> 00:07:06,399
they would ever take part
in whatever feminine hijinks
218
00:07:06,409 --> 00:07:08,845
goes on in that building that
was clearly a Taco Bell once?
219
00:07:08,855 --> 00:07:11,604
I'm with Barry. No Taco Bell toes.
220
00:07:11,614 --> 00:07:13,073
You'll get a pedicure, a facial,
221
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:14,471
and a hot-stone massage.
222
00:07:14,481 --> 00:07:16,602
And make sure that
Erica gets the stress relief
223
00:07:16,612 --> 00:07:18,121
she so desperately needs!
224
00:07:18,131 --> 00:07:19,179
Here I go, I guess!
225
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,281
Great. Now we have to be pampered.
226
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:22,848
Weddings are so challenging
227
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:24,026
for the brothers of the bride.
228
00:07:24,036 --> 00:07:26,086
ADULT ADAM: As we set off
to relax with Erica,
229
00:07:26,096 --> 00:07:28,179
Geoff was about to do anything but.
230
00:07:28,189 --> 00:07:29,289
This boy is not well.
231
00:07:29,299 --> 00:07:31,126
Drain him, scan him, and scrape him,
232
00:07:31,136 --> 00:07:32,869
mouth to exit. Leave nothing out.
233
00:07:32,879 --> 00:07:34,994
You can leave the exit out!
M-My exit is perfect!
234
00:07:35,004 --> 00:07:36,429
N-Not that I examine it!
235
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:37,611
I mean, it... It does its job.
236
00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:38,931
Relax. (CLEARS THROAT)
237
00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:40,210
Let's explore.
238
00:07:40,646 --> 00:07:43,033
ADULT ADAM: As Geoff
did anything but relax,
239
00:07:43,043 --> 00:07:44,615
that's all we were doing.
240
00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:47,507
Robes? I don't do well
in loosely-bound clothing.
241
00:07:47,517 --> 00:07:50,343
I'm a magnet for ill-timed
breezes and errant doorknobs.
242
00:07:50,353 --> 00:07:51,748
Love your body, Adam.
243
00:07:51,758 --> 00:07:52,855
I love mine.
244
00:07:53,111 --> 00:07:54,214
It's why I don't use the belt.
245
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,515
Well, you should.
246
00:07:55,525 --> 00:07:57,117
I'm already freaking out
about this wedding.
247
00:07:57,127 --> 00:07:58,984
There can't be more for me to unsee.
248
00:07:58,994 --> 00:08:00,496
- What's her problem?
- Who am I?
249
00:08:00,753 --> 00:08:02,188
The guy who wants to know her?
250
00:08:02,198 --> 00:08:04,582
Oh, my God, you two dopes are so lucky.
251
00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:06,271
No one will ever marry you.
252
00:08:06,281 --> 00:08:07,404
Oh, no, thank you!
253
00:08:07,414 --> 00:08:08,828
I don't like it when people touch my...
254
00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:11,738
F... Hachi machi!
Ooh, please do not stop
255
00:08:11,748 --> 00:08:13,366
until you are legally mandated to.
256
00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:16,469
ADULT ADAM: And so, our
very different journeys began.
257
00:08:16,479 --> 00:08:19,237
As we found ourselves in
a state of deep relaxation...
258
00:08:19,247 --> 00:08:20,540
Oh, yeah.
259
00:08:20,550 --> 00:08:22,208
Yeah, really get in there.
260
00:08:22,218 --> 00:08:24,477
Geoff, on the other hand, did not.
261
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:25,978
Please don't make me
go in there! Please!
262
00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:28,681
Oh, man. That is cool.
263
00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:31,151
Uncool! Shouldn't I
be wearing a lead vest?
264
00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:32,695
♪
265
00:08:32,891 --> 00:08:34,154
Do hot stones hurt?
266
00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:35,728
Do spinal taps hurt?
267
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:37,700
Ooh.
268
00:08:38,166 --> 00:08:39,188
Ohh!
269
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:40,960
ALL: Ooh!
270
00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,027
Aah!
271
00:08:42,037 --> 00:08:43,496
Today was so nice.
272
00:08:43,506 --> 00:08:45,064
Thank you guys
so much for coming with me.
273
00:08:45,074 --> 00:08:46,832
- I had a great time.
- This was amazing.
274
00:08:46,842 --> 00:08:47,902
Wait. Are you guys crying?
275
00:08:47,912 --> 00:08:51,404
All these luxurious treatments
have opened up things in me.
276
00:08:51,414 --> 00:08:54,574
I know. I'm examining my life
in ways I never have before.
277
00:08:54,584 --> 00:08:57,052
I'm just so happy
that you're marrying Geoff.
278
00:08:57,327 --> 00:08:58,960
It's just so beautiful.
279
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:00,646
It really is. For the first time,
280
00:09:00,656 --> 00:09:03,015
my pores and my heart are open.
281
00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:04,582
You're marrying my best friend.
282
00:09:04,592 --> 00:09:05,592
Oh.
283
00:09:06,262 --> 00:09:08,521
I would go over there,
but it's just too far.
284
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:09,889
ADULT ADAM: While the spa made us right,
285
00:09:09,899 --> 00:09:11,857
the doctor couldn't find anything wrong.
286
00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,726
We've run every test imaginable, son.
287
00:09:13,736 --> 00:09:16,896
I mean, some not in the least bit
routine for a man of your age.
288
00:09:16,906 --> 00:09:18,831
The mammogram did give me pause.
289
00:09:18,841 --> 00:09:20,689
I can't find anything wrong with you.
290
00:09:20,699 --> 00:09:22,946
Well, then there
has obviously been an error.
291
00:09:22,956 --> 00:09:24,069
Geoff, back in the tube.
292
00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:26,383
No, don't make me go back in
that mean robot's belly!
293
00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:28,608
Have you been feeling
any stress recently?
294
00:09:28,618 --> 00:09:29,875
A little.
295
00:09:29,885 --> 00:09:31,176
Got a wedding coming up.
296
00:09:32,857 --> 00:09:34,325
I have a diagnosis...
297
00:09:34,335 --> 00:09:36,560
A classic case of cold feet.
298
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:38,718
Impossible. Geoff loves Erica.
299
00:09:38,728 --> 00:09:40,420
All he wants to do is marry her.
300
00:09:40,430 --> 00:09:43,122
It's too bad that Dr. Cold Hands
here couldn't help me.
301
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:46,626
(COUGHS) Guess I'll have to
go tell Erica the bad news...
302
00:09:46,636 --> 00:09:48,701
We'll have to indefinitely postpone.
303
00:09:48,711 --> 00:09:49,864
ADULT ADAM: And that's when my mum
304
00:09:49,874 --> 00:09:51,656
made a diagnosis of her own...
305
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:54,297
Geoff was full of (BLEEP).
306
00:09:55,674 --> 00:09:57,102
ADULT ADAM: After being
forced by our mom
307
00:09:57,112 --> 00:09:59,104
into a pre-wedding day of relaxation,
308
00:09:59,114 --> 00:10:01,040
my siblings and I were riding high.
309
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:02,908
Spas are the best!
310
00:10:02,918 --> 00:10:05,378
Who knew my skin, nails, and brows
311
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:06,823
could look as perfect
as the rest of me?
312
00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:09,069
Lately I've been feeling crazy
with all this wedding stuff,
313
00:10:09,079 --> 00:10:10,095
so I'm really happy
314
00:10:10,105 --> 00:10:11,693
that we got to do
this spa thing together,
315
00:10:11,703 --> 00:10:12,818
the three of us.
316
00:10:12,828 --> 00:10:14,920
Sis, we're the lucky ones.
317
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:17,357
We got several uninterrupted
hours with the bride!
318
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,712
I don't see why we shouldn't
do this every weekend.
319
00:10:19,722 --> 00:10:21,220
We're spa siblings now.
320
00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:23,630
Spa siblings? I love it.
321
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:26,510
(SIGHS) Is she the best?
322
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:27,635
I feel like she's the best,
323
00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:29,302
and we've taken it for granted
our entire lives.
324
00:10:29,312 --> 00:10:30,647
Definitely. We gotta do something
325
00:10:30,657 --> 00:10:32,260
to keep her in a good head space
this weekend.
326
00:10:32,270 --> 00:10:35,209
What if we made her a batch
of that cucumber water from the spa?
327
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:38,002
Yes! To the crisper drawer!
328
00:10:38,424 --> 00:10:40,013
Beverly, for the, uh,
329
00:10:40,023 --> 00:10:42,282
ceremonial smashing of the glass,
330
00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:45,228
will a liturgical broom
and dustpan be provided,
331
00:10:45,238 --> 00:10:47,487
or is the one from my garage okay?
332
00:10:47,497 --> 00:10:50,323
Forget the wasteful ancient
traditions of my people!
333
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:51,524
We got a bigger problem.
334
00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:53,470
The groom is the picture of health.
335
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,760
Well, that sounds like good news
336
00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,429
for a young man about to be wed.
337
00:10:56,439 --> 00:10:59,532
It's not. The doctor says
he's got a raging case of the yips.
338
00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:01,501
Ooh. Yeah, that burns.
339
00:11:01,511 --> 00:11:03,736
No! It means he's got cold feet.
340
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,850
Oh, my. And as the terrifying
mother of the bride,
341
00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:09,715
I trust that you're gonna
give him the space and time he needs
342
00:11:09,725 --> 00:11:10,922
to come to his senses?
343
00:11:10,932 --> 00:11:12,723
I am gonna bring so much pain,
344
00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:14,599
he'll need a second epidural
after the one
345
00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,126
I forced him to get earlier.
346
00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:19,385
I may be but a humble deacon
masking as a rabbi
347
00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:22,324
for the wedding of my
boss' daughter, but...
348
00:11:22,334 --> 00:11:24,701
that is a bad idea.
349
00:11:24,711 --> 00:11:27,370
It could permanently affect
your relationship with Erica.
350
00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:28,639
Erica. Crap!
351
00:11:28,649 --> 00:11:30,854
I forgot she was even part of this!
352
00:11:32,129 --> 00:11:33,265
You thinking what I'm thinking?
353
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,335
We wallop Geoff
with these cukes and picks?
354
00:11:35,345 --> 00:11:36,736
It's time the brothers Goldberg
355
00:11:36,746 --> 00:11:38,638
had a little chat with the groom.
356
00:11:38,648 --> 00:11:39,736
ADULT ADAM: And so, Barry and I
357
00:11:39,746 --> 00:11:41,974
set out to defend our spa sibling
358
00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:44,109
by giving Geoff a little
special treatment of his own.
359
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:45,611
Nice style choice, fellas.
360
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,413
Barry, you look like David Bowie
361
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,014
in his business-chic years, and, Adam,
362
00:11:49,024 --> 00:11:50,850
you look like Meryl Streep
in Kramer vs. Kramer.
363
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,785
That is so kind.
364
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,887
She had so much gravitas and...
365
00:11:54,897 --> 00:11:56,856
- And we're tough guys!
- That's right.
366
00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:59,459
We exude danger,
and you're terrified of us
367
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,760
and the lines we might cross.
368
00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:02,161
The only thing I'm terrified about
369
00:12:02,171 --> 00:12:03,863
is that I haven't offered you
a lemonade.
370
00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:05,164
Will you guys get on in here?
371
00:12:05,174 --> 00:12:06,399
Don't tell me what to do.
372
00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:08,779
I tell you what to do
'cause I'm bad cop.
373
00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:10,736
And you know what? I'm also bad cop!
374
00:12:10,746 --> 00:12:12,720
Dude, we can't both be bad cop.
375
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:13,784
It's twice as intense.
376
00:12:13,794 --> 00:12:15,793
ADAM: Which gives him
no reason to trust us.
377
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:17,610
Who are you, good bad cop?
378
00:12:17,620 --> 00:12:19,244
Did you guys need something, or...
379
00:12:19,254 --> 00:12:21,214
- You say nothing!
- Talk and die!
380
00:12:22,091 --> 00:12:23,816
GEOFF: Whoa!
381
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,621
Tell us why you don't wanna
marry Erica!
382
00:12:25,631 --> 00:12:26,763
What? Who said that?
383
00:12:26,773 --> 00:12:29,088
Tell us why you're gonna smash
our sister's delicate heart
384
00:12:29,098 --> 00:12:30,940
into a million tiny pieces!
385
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,427
Barry? Adam? What's going on?
386
00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:37,007
Your brothers are trying
to intimidate me for some reason.
387
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:38,564
I hate that you have to
learn it this way,
388
00:12:38,574 --> 00:12:40,733
but since we are spa siblings,
you must know...
389
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:42,134
Geoff, he doesn't wanna marry you.
390
00:12:42,144 --> 00:12:44,069
And we'll take any number
of household items
391
00:12:44,079 --> 00:12:45,401
to do harm upon him.
392
00:12:45,411 --> 00:12:46,533
Because spa siblings.
393
00:12:46,543 --> 00:12:49,308
I do wanna marry Erica,
and what the hell is a spa sibling?
394
00:12:49,318 --> 00:12:52,522
Aw, did you guys threaten
my fiance on my behalf?
395
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,973
- Wow, we really did bond today.
- So hard.
396
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,968
Family finally means something to me.
397
00:12:56,978 --> 00:12:58,818
And Geoff doesn't have cold feet.
398
00:12:58,828 --> 00:13:00,797
He's just faking sick
to get out of the wedding.
399
00:13:00,807 --> 00:13:03,322
If you wanna get married,
why are you trying to get out of it?
400
00:13:03,332 --> 00:13:07,003
Because Mom planned the most
over-the-top ceremony of all time.
401
00:13:07,013 --> 00:13:08,528
Geoff was just trying
to give me what I want.
402
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,998
- Aww.
- He cherishes you.
403
00:13:10,008 --> 00:13:11,017
I really do.
404
00:13:11,027 --> 00:13:13,374
I know that only moments ago,
we were planning
405
00:13:13,384 --> 00:13:14,900
on committing violence upon you,
406
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,669
but now all that rage has turned into
407
00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:17,765
a mushy clump of love.
408
00:13:17,775 --> 00:13:19,249
We're all spa siblings!
409
00:13:19,259 --> 00:13:21,306
I guess since this whole
sick thing didn't work out,
410
00:13:21,316 --> 00:13:22,842
there's only one thing left to do.
411
00:13:22,852 --> 00:13:24,544
Hide in the attic like I did
when my dad tried
412
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,011
to make the family walk
the Freedom Trail?
413
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:28,208
- It's like a hundred miles long.
- No.
414
00:13:28,218 --> 00:13:29,398
It's my wedding.
415
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,645
I gotta stand up to my mom.
416
00:13:30,655 --> 00:13:32,084
- That's not gonna end well.
- Probably not.
417
00:13:32,094 --> 00:13:33,495
But she's not gonna do it alone.
418
00:13:33,505 --> 00:13:34,589
We're a team.
419
00:13:34,599 --> 00:13:36,882
ADULT ADAM: While our feelings
toward Geoff had warmed,
420
00:13:36,901 --> 00:13:38,384
it seemed the weather had not.
421
00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:40,693
What do you mean
all flights are canceled?
422
00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:42,911
Baruch ata adonai...
423
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:45,164
Aunt Ida, just, uh, hand the phone
424
00:13:45,174 --> 00:13:47,232
to the witch typing loudly
in the background.
425
00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:49,469
Melech ha-olam...
426
00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:51,848
Is that the proper amount
of guilt and phlegm?
427
00:13:51,858 --> 00:13:53,860
I don't care what the FAA says,
428
00:13:54,116 --> 00:13:57,309
the BEV says open all the gates!
429
00:13:57,319 --> 00:13:59,679
No one's ever been killed
by a little ice.
430
00:13:59,689 --> 00:14:02,682
Actually, Grandfather Antoine
met the Lord
431
00:14:02,692 --> 00:14:05,985
while grabbing the Ottawa Journal
on our driveway sleet.
432
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:08,954
Olav ha-sholom, Pappy Brown.
433
00:14:08,964 --> 00:14:11,724
Don't you put me on hold...
D... Dammit!
434
00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:13,656
LOU: Beverly, we have big problems.
435
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,328
Cousin Hertzel is stuck in Newark!
436
00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:18,312
And I heard that Geoffrey
wasn't feeling well
437
00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:21,878
from multiple calls from
our panicked insurance agent.
438
00:14:21,888 --> 00:14:24,804
Relax, Linda, I made sure
he had every tube,
439
00:14:24,814 --> 00:14:26,405
needle, and camera jabbed into him.
440
00:14:26,415 --> 00:14:28,122
And do you know what the diagnosis was?
441
00:14:28,132 --> 00:14:30,009
- Cold feet.
- Like frostbite?
442
00:14:30,019 --> 00:14:34,249
Oh, Lou's side does have a history
of terrible circulation.
443
00:14:34,259 --> 00:14:36,549
And your whole family are Ferrignos?
444
00:14:36,559 --> 00:14:38,806
Oh, my God! You're all
so stressed and miserable.
445
00:14:38,816 --> 00:14:40,891
- It's hilarious.
- Everyone stop!
446
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,499
I don't have cold feet!
447
00:14:42,509 --> 00:14:45,186
Yes! So my plan to not kill you
was the right one.
448
00:14:45,196 --> 00:14:46,450
We need to talk about the wedding.
449
00:14:46,460 --> 00:14:48,561
Erica, believe me, Mama will make sure
450
00:14:48,571 --> 00:14:50,229
that everything goes as planned.
451
00:14:50,239 --> 00:14:52,474
- That's just the thing...
- MURRAY: Hey!
452
00:14:52,775 --> 00:14:56,335
The storm is back and tracking
right into us, folks.
453
00:14:56,345 --> 00:14:59,090
Please, cancel those plans
and stay inside.
454
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,707
No! I diverted you once,
Mother Nature, and I'll do it again.
455
00:15:01,717 --> 00:15:04,387
Move, wretched blizzard!
456
00:15:04,397 --> 00:15:06,199
ADULT ADAM: Not if my sister
had anything to do with it.
457
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,147
Come on, storm buddy.
458
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,550
Ice us! Ice us but good!
459
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,129
The temperature is dropping
incredibly fast.
460
00:15:13,139 --> 00:15:15,169
They have a concerning amount
of confidence
461
00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:16,856
in their sway on Nature.
462
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:19,224
Erica, you're moving
the storm the wrong way!
463
00:15:19,234 --> 00:15:21,326
I'm moving it right where I want it!
464
00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,462
Stop! It's for our dream wedding!
465
00:15:23,472 --> 00:15:26,046
This isn't my dream wedding,
it's yours!
466
00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:27,228
How dare you.
467
00:15:27,238 --> 00:15:29,808
I have been working non-stop
to make everything perfect.
468
00:15:29,818 --> 00:15:31,136
How dare you!
469
00:15:31,146 --> 00:15:33,116
I wanted something simple and sweet,
470
00:15:33,126 --> 00:15:35,040
but you've turned it
into a literal circus.
471
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,576
I think I saw a bearded lady.
472
00:15:36,586 --> 00:15:38,198
That may have been my Great Aunt Edna.
473
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,838
She has pituitary issues.
474
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,781
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
475
00:15:41,791 --> 00:15:43,783
Oh. Well, I hope you're happy,
476
00:15:43,793 --> 00:15:45,818
'cause now it looks
like there's not gonna be a wedding.
477
00:15:45,828 --> 00:15:47,687
Of course I'm not happy, Mom.
478
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,299
I can't wait to marry Geoff,
479
00:15:49,309 --> 00:15:51,957
but I just want it to be
my wedding and not yours.
480
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:54,003
♪
481
00:16:00,939 --> 00:16:02,201
ADULT ADAM: Thanks to the weather,
482
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,169
Erica and Geoff's wedding was off.
483
00:16:04,179 --> 00:16:05,970
But an unexpected ice storm...
484
00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:08,828
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Wasn't the only surprise that day.
485
00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:11,010
Are you...
486
00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:13,946
Rock-Pop sensation Richard Marx?
487
00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:15,080
In the smoking-hot flesh.
488
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:16,849
Not the real Richard Marx.
489
00:16:16,859 --> 00:16:18,625
No, I definitely am
the real Richard Marx.
490
00:16:18,635 --> 00:16:20,152
Look at my lustrous hair.
491
00:16:20,162 --> 00:16:22,349
This gorgeous mane sold
10 million albums alone.
492
00:16:22,359 --> 00:16:23,359
And this smile?
493
00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:26,136
- Another 10.
- If you're the real Richard Marx,
494
00:16:26,146 --> 00:16:27,638
then how big is a Grammy?
495
00:16:27,648 --> 00:16:30,017
Well, I don't think you have
to be Richard Marx to know that, but...
496
00:16:30,272 --> 00:16:32,164
- About yea big.
- It is him.
497
00:16:32,174 --> 00:16:33,733
The man who wrote Don't Mean Nothin'
498
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,500
about the perils of
the entertainment business.
499
00:16:35,510 --> 00:16:37,019
Serious question, who's that for?
500
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:39,040
Look, your mother hired
me to play a wedding,
501
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:40,593
but the roads are closed, so...
502
00:16:40,604 --> 00:16:42,258
I wanted to return her check.
503
00:16:43,052 --> 00:16:46,403
Richard Marx is a class act.
504
00:16:46,413 --> 00:16:48,347
It's true. Global superstardom
505
00:16:48,357 --> 00:16:50,522
and endless wealth haven't changed me.
506
00:16:51,126 --> 00:16:53,986
Anyway, it's really bad
out here. Could I come in?
507
00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:56,241
Although I do feel like
I know you intimately
508
00:16:56,251 --> 00:16:58,013
because of your emotional lyrics,
509
00:16:58,023 --> 00:16:59,091
you're still a stranger.
510
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,509
- Dad!
- MURRAY: What?
511
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,214
- Can Richard Marx come in?
- No!
512
00:17:02,224 --> 00:17:03,996
But I'm Richard Marx.
513
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:06,441
He's always grumpy.
Just don't set up in front of the TV.
514
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:09,030
I've written a ton of power ballads.
You, uh, wanna hear 'em?
515
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,524
Not even a little.
516
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:12,571
ADULT ADAM: As we
welcomed in a global pop star,
517
00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:14,116
my mom had to face her own music.
518
00:17:14,564 --> 00:17:15,612
Hey.
519
00:17:15,622 --> 00:17:17,109
- Hey.
- Errm.
520
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,711
I want to tell you something.
521
00:17:18,721 --> 00:17:20,212
What? Did one of the unicorns
522
00:17:20,222 --> 00:17:21,937
accidentally gouge a fire-eater?
523
00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:23,747
I am sorry.
524
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,355
I wanted to throw you a wedding as big
525
00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:29,023
as the love I have for you
526
00:17:29,765 --> 00:17:31,709
instead of the one you really wanted.
527
00:17:31,719 --> 00:17:33,301
Mom, I tried to tell you,
528
00:17:33,311 --> 00:17:35,159
the wedding of my dreams
529
00:17:35,169 --> 00:17:37,328
just needs this guy
that I'm crazy about
530
00:17:37,338 --> 00:17:39,261
and the people that we love around us.
531
00:17:39,271 --> 00:17:40,454
Nothing more.
532
00:17:40,464 --> 00:17:41,818
I see that now.
533
00:17:42,146 --> 00:17:44,815
Um, well, come on.
I want to show you something.
534
00:17:45,715 --> 00:17:48,083
Oh, you might want to
put on your dress and tux.
535
00:17:50,227 --> 00:17:52,663
(RIGHT HERE WAITING PLAYS)
536
00:17:52,922 --> 00:17:55,964
ADULT ADAM: And so,
in the house she grew up in,
537
00:17:56,155 --> 00:17:58,625
surrounded by all the people she loved,
538
00:17:58,961 --> 00:18:02,489
what was the biggest wedding
in Jenkintown history
539
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,289
became the smallest.
540
00:18:04,299 --> 00:18:07,337
And it was just what Erica wanted.
541
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:10,562
♪
542
00:18:10,572 --> 00:18:12,708
Oh, my God. This is incredible.
543
00:18:12,972 --> 00:18:14,209
MURRAY: My little peanut.
544
00:18:14,576 --> 00:18:17,112
Yeah, well, your brothers
took care of most of it.
545
00:18:17,511 --> 00:18:19,556
For you, we'd do anything.
546
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,151
♪
547
00:18:21,161 --> 00:18:24,064
We don't say it enough,
but we love you, sis.
548
00:18:24,248 --> 00:18:25,288
So much.
549
00:18:25,298 --> 00:18:26,533
That's so sweet.
550
00:18:26,789 --> 00:18:29,304
And holy crap. Is that Richard Marx?
551
00:18:29,314 --> 00:18:31,161
- Damn right it is.
- Hello.
552
00:18:31,171 --> 00:18:33,786
He's the only thing
I kept from the original celebration.
553
00:18:33,796 --> 00:18:35,157
Is it okay?
554
00:18:35,167 --> 00:18:36,756
Mom, this is perfect.
555
00:18:36,766 --> 00:18:37,933
Thank you.
556
00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:41,927
♪
557
00:18:41,937 --> 00:18:43,162
MURRAY: Sweetheart.
558
00:18:43,172 --> 00:18:46,575
♪
559
00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:51,175
You ready?
560
00:18:51,185 --> 00:18:53,806
I've never been more ready
for anything in my life.
561
00:18:53,816 --> 00:18:56,732
ADULT ADAM: So, under the
glow of our candlelit living room,
562
00:18:56,742 --> 00:18:59,375
Erica and Geoff,
high school sweethearts,
563
00:18:59,385 --> 00:19:00,806
got hitched.
564
00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:04,616
Sometimes, the right guy has
always been there,
565
00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:08,016
carrying a cello
and unable to eat Thai food.
566
00:19:08,864 --> 00:19:12,400
But I love your kindness,
your compassion,
567
00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:15,577
your endless patience, and your love.
568
00:19:16,505 --> 00:19:18,469
ADULT ADAM: It wasn't
what they had planned.
569
00:19:19,674 --> 00:19:21,976
You've never washed a dish,
570
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:24,036
nor accepted any criticism
571
00:19:24,046 --> 00:19:25,549
in the gentle way I intended.
572
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:26,574
(CHUCKLES)
573
00:19:26,584 --> 00:19:29,008
But you've also never
backed down from a fight
574
00:19:29,018 --> 00:19:30,918
when you knew it was
the right thing to do.
575
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,812
♪
576
00:19:32,822 --> 00:19:34,454
I love your strength.
577
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:35,678
I love your courage.
578
00:19:35,688 --> 00:19:37,841
I even love your family.
579
00:19:37,851 --> 00:19:38,951
(CHUCKLING)
580
00:19:38,961 --> 00:19:40,841
But mostly, I love you.
581
00:19:41,463 --> 00:19:44,033
♪
582
00:19:46,735 --> 00:19:49,552
ADULT ADAM: But it turned out
to be the perfect night
583
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:51,809
for the perfect couple.
584
00:19:52,507 --> 00:19:54,989
VIC: By the power vested in me,
585
00:19:54,999 --> 00:19:57,402
by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania,
586
00:19:57,412 --> 00:19:59,404
I pronounce you man and wife.
587
00:19:59,414 --> 00:20:00,639
You may kiss the bride.
588
00:20:00,649 --> 00:20:03,400
MARX: ♪ Wherever you go ♪
589
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,911
♪ Whatever you do ♪
590
00:20:05,921 --> 00:20:11,250
♪ I will be right here waiting for you ♪
591
00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:14,086
♪ Whatever it takes ♪
592
00:20:14,096 --> 00:20:17,256
♪ Or how my heart breaks... ♪
593
00:20:17,266 --> 00:20:18,891
ADULT ADAM: Geoff was right.
594
00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:21,574
We all felt the love
in the house that night
595
00:20:22,104 --> 00:20:24,663
as our families joined to become one.
596
00:20:24,673 --> 00:20:26,665
♪
597
00:20:26,675 --> 00:20:28,100
It was a dream come true.
598
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:31,436
♪ You've got me going crazy... ♪
599
00:20:31,446 --> 00:20:32,976
ADULT ADAM: For Erica and Geoff,
600
00:20:33,382 --> 00:20:34,969
for my parents,
601
00:20:35,997 --> 00:20:37,476
for all of us.
602
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,178
♪ I will be right here
waiting for you ♪
603
00:20:39,188 --> 00:20:41,124
My baby's married!
604
00:20:41,134 --> 00:20:44,116
(ALL CHEERING)
605
00:20:44,126 --> 00:20:46,261
♪
606
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,226
Excuse me. I was wondering if I
could maybe get my check back now?
607
00:20:54,236 --> 00:20:56,244
Your check for what
exactly, Richard Marx?
608
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:58,072
For my performance.
609
00:20:58,082 --> 00:20:59,898
- I kinda nailed it.
- Oh, my.
610
00:20:59,908 --> 00:21:02,902
A certain platinum artist
is very big for his britches.
611
00:21:02,912 --> 00:21:04,481
Well, I'll tell you what.
612
00:21:04,491 --> 00:21:05,862
I'm gonna write down a number,
613
00:21:05,872 --> 00:21:08,730
and you can either take it or leave it.
614
00:21:09,484 --> 00:21:10,976
That is not a number.
615
00:21:10,986 --> 00:21:12,444
And why would I do that to myself?
616
00:21:12,454 --> 00:21:14,675
Oh, boo-hoo. Write a sad song about it.
617
00:21:14,685 --> 00:21:17,005
Oh, I will! And it'll be
a number-one smash hit!
618
00:21:17,015 --> 00:21:19,304
- There you go.
- And I'm taking this!
619
00:21:20,437 --> 00:21:23,150
- Beautiful hair.
- You, too.
620
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,672
- Synced & corrected by L0tech -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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