All language subtitles for The Goldbergs (2013) - 09x13 - A Peck of Familial Love.CAKES.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Back in the '80s,
my mom was a master consoler.

Following my breakup with Brea,

she was gearing up for a
smothering tsunami of sympathy.

Good morning, Beverly.

I'm here to pick up Murray
for our new carpool.

Oh, he already left.

But I bought doughnuts

and readied two conversation starters,

like, "What did you do
this past weekend?"

and the more adventurous,

"What are you doing
this upcoming weekend?"

Nothing and nothing.

But I'm glad you're here.

Does this sweater seem
soft and cozy enough

to heal a boy's heartache?

What are we talking about?

Adam and his girlfriend broke up.

Oh, no!

Brea Bee and Adam G.
were the gold standard.

I'm swooping in to cushion the blow

with kissies and my
custom-made hugging sweater,

with decorative tissues
for when the tears start.

Mornin', folks!

What a beautiful day in Jenkintown,

the Paris of the
Montgomery County flood basin.

Go ahead. Sob away the pain.

Let my body restart your heart
with its warmth.

Gah! How do you generate so much heat?!

And what are you doing?

- Soothing your teenage emotions.
- I'm okay.

Adam, you don't have to
pretend to be brave with me.

Come on... Rest your face
in my nooks and crannies.

No!

And I'm not brave,
I'm notoriously a coward.

I have seven night lights.

And just FYI... Brea's
on her way here right now.

How dare she!

Well, don't worry. I'll avenge your pain

by calling out her blotchy skin
and limp hair.

I don't know, Beverly.

The... The boy seems fine.

I am!

Everyone talks about
how hard breakups are,

so instead, we decided to cut
right to us being friends.

Ugh! You are totally in denial!

Or am I incredibly evolved

and can easily navigate modern romance?

There needs to be a mourning period

where you stay at home with me
and watch soap operas,

and then I remind you
of how special you are

by writing on your tummy
with my invisible finger pen.

What an incredibly tempting
offer for a voting-age man.

But no!

Morning, pal!

Good morning, old chum!

Ready to get to school and begin

a platonic day of friendship together?

I'd like nothing more.

This feels right... compadre.

Homeboy, homeslice, homeskillet.

This totally works.

Hang on a sec.

Adam, let's make her jealous

by showing her how you
can stand on my feet,

and we'll walk into the kitchen.

I just forgot my coat.

Brea, look away!

Come on, stand on Mama's feet.
Here we go.

- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -

It was February, 1980-something,

and Barry and Erica
were at the Schwartz house,

gearing up for
a romantic Valentine's Day.

Or so they thought.

Happy Valentine's Week, Goldbergs!

"Week"?

It's not just a day?

It's just we love love.

- Gross.
- Weird.

Great news, my dove.

I have an especially
romantic evening planned for us

that will be sure to warm
the cockles of your heart.

Geoffrey, what did I tell you
about saying "cockles"

in front of Barry?

It's too late. I heard it.

And do I spy something
adorable and fuzzy for me?

You shouldn't have!

Oh, I actually didn't...

"A cuddly bear for the cuddliest sister

a brother could have"?

Ooh! Looks like someone's

got her mitts on my
annual Valentine's bear

from my sweet bro!

Happy Valentine's Week, sis!

Oh, and don't think
that I forgot about you.

Oh! Cool!

- Driving gloves!
- Yeah.

Hope they don't turn me
into Mario Andretti!

I think it'll be okay.

You haven't made a left
turn in three years.

- Aw.
- That's true.

So, you guys exchange Valentine's gifts?

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Valentine's is a big event
in this house.

The biggest! Oh!

This is obviously
bizarre and unsettling.

Barry, let's not judge.

I mean, secretly we will, but for now,

we'll pretend it's totally innocent

and not shaking me to my core.

Is that amor I hear in the air?!

- Oh!
- It's Valentine's Week!

Bring it in, my cherubs!

Mwah!

Mwah!

Mwah!

JoJo, let's go help your mom

with her special Valentine breakfast!

Oh, me too.

What the hell, dude?

I don't wanna be mean,

but you and your family
are straight-up freaks!

That's incredibly mean, and why?

Dude, who's a better kisser...

your sister, my sister?

It's a trick question. It's your father.

I'm dying.

I think you even enjoyed
smooching them.

Your dad definitely did...
his eyes twinkled.

Of course he did. He loves us
and wants to express it.

Big time.

"Geoffrey!

Bring your puffy mouth
pillows over here!

Your father wants
everyone's smackers to meet!"

Okay, that's incredibly accurate
in voice and demeanor,

but the words are all wrong.

- I wanna do Lou.
- Please don't.

"Geoffrey, I demand we go
to first base as a family!"

"Geoffrey, canoodle with your father!"

"Geoffrey, bite my neck a little.

Let me know that you're
flirty but dangerous!"

Okay. That seems way too far.

And yet there's still more.

"Geoffrey, we're both eye men,
but today we become lip men!

Come give your papa some action!"

That's your father!

He gives you affection!

While Barry and Erica
were giving Geoff grief,

Brea and I had found happiness
in our new friendship.

I gotta be honest, I
was a smidge nervous

about us going right
from dating to friends,

but this breakup has been the easiest.

Totally! Because this way,
we can still hang together.

So... how do friends say goodbye?

- Uh, is a hug too much?
- Hard to know.

But how'd you feel about a firm
and consensual handshake?

I'd say, put 'er there, Jack!

Jack! The nickname to John.

Not sure why, but strong and masculine,

like this simple, everyday toodle-oo.

Now it's slightly less masculine.

That's what I do, Jack.

Yep, it was gonna be easy.

Until it immediately wasn't.

Oh, balls!

We completely forgot
tomorrow is Valentine's Day!

Damn it! I gotta go.

I'll see you in P.E. for square dancing.

Mama will make it better.

Gah!

Where did you come from?!

A good mama's always just
a few meters behind her babies.

I don't think that's right.

And why meters?

Now let's just get you home
into a warm bubble bath,

then we'll snuggle
under an afghan for two,

and then I'll fill your tummy
with Sleepytime tea,

which I will blow on.

You paint an inviting picture.

But, no, you know,

even though it's
Valentine's Day tomorrow,

I'll survive.

Survive? Nonsense!

You will thrive!

By spending it with your first
and greatest love...

- me.
- Nah.

I'll just find something else
to distract me.

Well, tomorrow is also
Florence Henderson's birthday.

The mom from "The Brady Bunch"?

- How do you know that?
- I know the birthdays

of every great mother in history.

That scarily tracks.

I guess celebrating
Florence Henderson's b-day

is one way to keep my mind busy.

Her mom mullet and winning smile

will fill your heart more
than Brea ever could.

Whatever.

There ya go.

While my mom was trying to make
Valentine's Day disappear,

Barry was excited to reveal
what he knew about Geoff.

JTP!

JTP.

Why are you milling about like
it's cocktail hour at a wedding?

I called an emergency meeting.

Yeah, Bar, you use the word
"emergency" very loosely,

so we've decided to not live
our life in constant fear.

But this really is a deadly emergency.

Deadly hilarious.

Just, uh, go ahead
and say all the crazy things

- you're gonna say.
- Thank you!

While at the Schwartzes',
I witnessed an abomination.

Mm, they still haven't replaced
that lime-green sectional?

Way worse.

They were all over each other.

Kissing, hugging.

Geoff even planted a smooch
on his own sister.

- Awww!
- Exactly.

Although you're saying "ew"
wrong, Matt Bradley.

I don't think I am.

Geoff! That's your cue
to come out of the bathroom!

Hi! I was told you guys
have a present for me?

The present of merciless insults.

Go ahead!

Tease him till he pees or weeps or both.

I'm not gonna tease my friend
until he soils himself.

Why not? He locked lips with his dad

like he was Bo Derek on a beach.

It was a peck of familial love.

- He admitted it!
- I don't know, Bar.

I mean, all of us have pretty good
relationships with our families.

My sister is my best friend.

I tell her things I wouldn't
even tell you guys.

We even have a secret language.

Well, not that secret... it's Spanish.

And the Cogans are a tiny people,

but our hugging arms are huge.

I don't have a sister, but, uh,
if I did, we'd hold hands.

Sometimes I draw us together.

The family therapist
recommended stopping.

A sibling isn't someone you love,

it's a rival for your mother's affection

and your father's apathy.

Read a book.

No, a sibling is the one person you know

who will always have your back
through thick and thin.

Your parents aren't gonna be
around forever, Bar.

But your siblings are gonna be
there for the rest of your life.

Don't you want that kind
of closeness with Erica?

No! And stop making me the weirdo here.

Bar, when was the last time
you and Erica

showed each other any type
of real affection?

Or hugged?

Or told each other, "I love you"?

Usually we're too busy squabbling.

Her specialty is vicious insults,

and mine is hiding
outdoor objects in her bed.

Maybe you should think
about changing that.

Because later in life,

your siblings are gonna be all you got.

As Barry was learning some hard truths,

I was finding out just how hard

staying friends with Brea could be.

Scandalous news!

You know how you and Brea
decided to be friends?

I'm fairly aware, Dave Kim.

I think Brea's moved on faster than you.

I intercepted this note Walls and her

were passing back and forth in history.

Why is it sticky?

I spilled marmalade on it.

Why are you eating marmalade in class?

Just read the note.

"Hey, do you wanna go
to the Valentine's dance..."

The jam obscured the rest.

Marmalade's not a jam.

Sure, it combines the sweetness of a jam

with the bitterness of citrus peel...

Enough marmalade talk, Dave Kim!

Brea and Walls are clearly
going to the dance together.

I don't believe it.

No? Do you believe that?!

But isn't Walls going out with Sydney?

You mean that Sydney?

Tears!

Walls broke up with her!

Dang, Brea gets after it.

No, she doesn't.

But, also, it appears that she does.

Well, two can play at that game.

If Brea can move on that fast,

then Adam Goldberg is gonna
show he can move even faster.

Sydney! Wait up!

You guys hear?

Sydney ran over a rabbit
with her VW Rabbit.

Hmm. There's irony all around us.

I just want to say I heard,
and I'm so sorry.

That's sweet of you. It's been tough.

I just went through the same thing.

You did?

I can't even look at my car anymore.

Because it reminds you of him?

And his cute little puffy tail.

Yeah.

That sounds super specific to you.

But, hey, you're gonna
swerve into this skid.

Such an odd and insensitive
turn of phrase, but I guess so.

Sometimes the best thing to do
in these moments

is to have some fun.

- Fun? Right now?
- Or tomorrow night.

That's why we're gonna hit
the dance together.

But how will that make me
feel better about the rabbit?

Is that your nickname for Walls?

Adam, what are you doing?

I'll tell you what I'm doing...

I'm taking Sydney
to the Florence Henderson dance.

The hell you are!

Easy now, Rabbit.

I figured, if you two are going,
then so are Sydney and I.

Walls and Sydney aren't broken up.

But the sticky confusing note!

I heard that you two had broken up,

so I asked Brea to join us

so she wouldn't be alone
on Valentine's Day.

Wow. You're a good egg, Walls.

I see what you see in him, Syd.

I'm starting to think
you didn't kill a rabbit, too.

And I'm starting to think I have
no idea what's going on here.

Well, know this...
You're a bag of ass, Goldberg.

You know it!

You know, I thought we could be friends,

but I don't even want to be
near you right now.

Adam, good news.

I was wrong about the note.

I know, Dave Kim!

After I made things worse with Brea,

my mom was determined
to make things better for me.

I'm so confused. Why am I here?

You have been accepted
for semester at sea.

Congratulations.

Whoo-hoo!

You did it, girl! The
oceans are your playground.

Semester at sea?

I applied for this two years ago.

Well, yes, and I just
happened to find it

in your personal file,

so I did you the service of
updating and resubmitting it.

You know, typical Quaker
Warden activities.

You want me to travel the world now?

In the last three months
before I go to college?

Bon voyage!

Oh, you're gonna have such a good time

away from this school
and all the pain and suffering

- you've been causing.
- I get it.

You just want to make me
sail the seven seas

so your schmoopie
doesn't have to see me.

What an outrageous accusation!

Get your life together, Brea!

Perhaps on a research vessel called

the, uh... oh! Polar Queen.

I'm not shipping out my senior year.

I should probably have more information

before I call students in here.

There she is.

The girl who loves to
forgive and forget.

Don't, Adam.

Do you know what your mom
just tried to pull?

Hopefully her hamstring
so she wasn't able

to make it in today to do
whatever it is she clearly did.

She just tried to ship me off
to the North Pole.

- That's a real place?
- Oh, my God.

I don't know anything about Christmas.

Why would you put a tree inside?

This is not working.

What?

We can still figure it out.

I wish that was true.

There's nothing I want more
than to have you in my life,

but... it's just not meant to be.

While Brea and I had
never been further apart,

Barry was trying to get closer to Erica.

Oh, hello.

I was about to enjoy a civilized
English tea. Care to join me?

Why would I voluntarily
spend time with you?

Ha! Our playful teasing speaks
to a deep affection, doesn't it?

Come on, park your loveliness.

Whatever. Crumpet me.

Shall we engage in
the art of conversation?

Just say your thing
while I house this bad boy.

Well, I just feel like
we haven't connected in a while.

"Haven't connected"?
We've never connected.

Unless you count the time
that my elbow connected

with your ribs because
you smeared peanut butter

on my curling wand.

Trying to heat up that Jif

was a rare miss on my part.

But let's not let that stand in the way

of sharing our feelings now.

Top off your "shamo-mile"?

It's "cam-o-meal," ya dope.

And... And what's the game here?

When's the big reveal coming that
I drank hot sauce and butt crumbs?

Nothing's coming but conversation

and sibling intimacy.

I'm onto you.

Geoffrey!

I need love advice.

Well, you're dating my sister,
so I can only go so far,

but my main tip is something I
call the across-the-room wink.

No, not to woo Joanne,
who I attend to effortlessly.

I'm talking about Erica.

Oh.

And, oh?

There's my fella.

- What's the deal?
- Thank God!

A reasonable person.

Erica and I need what you two have.

We need to reconnect. Tonight.

But it's Valentine's Day.

I've been planning something
for Erica for months,

so maybe it can wait?

Nonsense! Barry's gonna take
your expensive

and non-refundable date.

- Yay!
- Yay?

Thank you, Geoff.
But also, you're welcome.

I've given you the gift of being
able to give a gift to me.

- Bet it feels pretty good.
- Really doesn't.

While Barry set off
to find closeness with Erica,

I was as far from
happy as I'd ever been.

Schmoo?

Oh!

Honey, are you bored?

Do I need to buy you more toys?

No.

I just don't have the will
to get on the bed.

Come on. Get up.

I guess you're mad.

No.

I had already screwed it up
with her 900 ways before that.

Well, what are you gonna do
with your night?

I'm gonna get a head start
on feeling a void

in the center of my being
for the rest of my life.

You can't just give up on life.

We're going out.

Sure.

Now, why aren't you fighting me

with every fiber of your being?

What difference does it make?

I'm never gonna be happy again.

You might as well enjoy
whatever weird, screwy thrill

taking your son on a
Valentine's Day date gives you.

That is the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.

Glad I could make one person happy.

And so, dead to the
world, I limped along

to the greatest Valentine's date ever...

for my mom.

This is the best!

But you know what would
make it even better?

If you snuggled with me
under this blanket.

Whatever.

Just do your terrible things.

Alright, enough, Buster Brown.

I gave you a magical evening,
and you're still moping?

Maybe that's because I'm on a
Valentine's Day date with my mother!

Mother? Whoa!

Okay, that's the ride.

I'm sorry.

I thought tonight
could be a distraction for you.

Nothing can distract me
from the pain I'm in right now.

I know breaking up is misery, and...

I'd do anything to take
that pain away for you.

And the worst part is,

we still desperately
want to be together.

You do?

Yes!

It's just, in three months,

we're going to different colleges.

No matter what, we're doomed.

Adam, you want her, she wants you.

Throw caution to the wind

and enjoy the next
three months together!

But isn't that just delaying the pain?

The next three months
could mean everything.

I mean, that's how much time
I have left with you.

I...

I never considered that.

Well, I have.

A lot.

I guess it's why I
forced you out tonight.

So you're just gonna enjoy
every last minute

even though you know
the pain is inevitable?

You're damn right I am.

And you should, too.

Are you saying I should go to her?

I'm saying we should go to her.

Hyah! Hyah!

As my mother was hijacking
a horse-drawn carriage...

...Barry was hijacking
Erica's Valentine's date

in a different carriage.

Aww! I had a feeling
this was my surprise.

The real surprise is it's me.

Barry?

Wait. Is this a part of my date?

Did Geoff plan for you to escort me

to the adventure that awaits?

It's a bad start, but I'm still excited.

That's exactly what's happening.

Hop in, sis.

Driver!

Love awaits.

Speaking of,

- we love each other, right?
- Huh?

Sure, we fight often and vigorously,

but beneath all that,

there's real caring, wouldn't you say?

I would say we should just stay
silent until we get to Geoff.

Definitely.

Until then, some pretty flowers
for your sniffing pleasure.

Are these from Geoff or you?

Does it matter?

A lot.

Then perhaps an elegant box
of assorted chocolates?

What? Again, from you?

There's a map in there
that tells you what's what.

Also, I ate three
because I'm super nervous.

Nervous? What are you planning?

Just to share my fondness for you.

Ew! Get off!

I don't want to hold
your gross, sweaty fingers!

I love you!

Okay? Tell me you love me!

No! What is going on?!

Forget it!

Horsey Man, stop the horsey!

Barry, what is your problem?

Everyone else loves their siblings,

but all we have is a lifetime of pranks

and reading each other's diaries.

You've read my diary?

Every boring word.

But what does it matter?

It's not like we're gonna be
in each other's lives anymore.

Hyah! Hyah!

We're a supremely up family.

Yep, wild horses
couldn't keep me from Brea.

But a tired horse definitely could.

Hyah! Hyah!

It's clearly out of gas.

It's not used to running
that far on the highway.

This is not the dramatic
and romantic ending

I wanted for you.

Don't worry. You got me
this far. I can do the rest.

Go, sweetie, go!

Thank you, Mama.

And just know, I may go off to college,

but me and you are never breaking up!

Why are we celebrating the mom
from "The Brady Bunch"?

What does it matter?

Even those giant posters
of Carol Brady's head

can't change that this is
a really romantic dance.

Are you okay?

Not really.

I just... I can't believe I'm not here

with the guy I love.

Well, maybe he's closer than you think.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no.

Dave Kim, you're a really
great friend, but...

I meant that Adam's here!

Adam, why are you here?

For you.

- We went over this.
- I know.

We can't be friends.

But I don't want to.

Well, then what?

I want you back.

All of you.

For as long as we have.

- But...
- No buts.

Brea, I love you!

And I don't want to miss out
on a single second with you

while we're still here.

What are you thinking?

This.

Why do you smell like horses?

Remember when you said my mom
couldn't surprise you anymore?

Thought you'd be here.

Just looking at old photos of us.

I remember that backyard pool.

Dad was furious because
he had to inflate it by mouth.

Had to lie down for two days after.

Okay, you're right.

We don't have a perfect relationship,

but there's a good reason.

What's that?

You and I are a lot like Dad.

It's tough for us to let
our guard down and show we care.

Yeah.

That's why I thought
it'd be nice to try for once.

So what if we start right now?

Is this a prank?

No prank. Just bring it in.

But we will never kiss, though.

Oh, God, no!

We were right about that part.

Those Schwartzes are freaks.

Love is something to celebrate,

whether it's for your family
or for that special someone.

Because even if you don't know
what the future holds,

sometimes it's okay to enjoy today.

You know what would make
tonight extra special?

Oh, please don't do what I think
you're definitely gonna do.

"Geoffrey! Pretend I'm Richard Dawson

and you're an entire lady family!"

"Geoffrey, the bottle's
pointing at Papa again!"

"Geoffrey! Drive me to the overlook
in your van for some light necking!"

"Geoffrey, I just popped in a Certs

and a Luther Vandross cassette."

How would it feel if I did
an impersonation of your mom?

"Schmoopie-poopies!
I made you in my body,

and I can't get enough
snuggies and huggies!"

- Hello, Geoffrey.
- Aah!

You think the affection
I have for my children

is something to be mocked?

What's your problem, dude?

Not cool. That's our mom.

- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -