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1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,006
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,270
[Harley] Last season
on Harley Quinn,
3
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,730
my bestie Ivy
was engaged to this lame-o,
4
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,440
but I was in love
with her, too.
5
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,692
Joker got a second acid bath.
I kicked Psycho's ass.
6
00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,777
Hard passed Darkseid.
7
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,571
Saved Ivy from her
own wedding and we
drove off into the sunset.
8
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,698
What do you think
we did next, hmm?
9
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,658
[woman giggling]
10
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,202
[women chuckling]
11
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,038
[woman moaning in pleasure]
12
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:42,751
[bed creaks]
13
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,128
Now let's shed those leaves.
14
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,089
[exaggerated moans] Uh, yeah,
I'm Ivy, ooh, yea...
15
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,424
[Ivy] I don't even wear leaves.
16
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,676
Still, ya gotta
respect the hustle.
17
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,471
I mean, they wrote, shot,
and edited this in two weeks
since Psycho blew up our spot.
18
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,932
Was that only two weeks ago?
It feels like so much longer.
19
00:00:58,016 --> 00:00:59,684
I know, right?
20
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,561
-[hologram whooshing]
-The sign says
"no girls allowed"
21
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,979
Superman's dead dad?
22
00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:05,315
Harlivy? What are you
doing here?
23
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,150
Ooh! Is that our official
celeb couple name?
24
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,235
Ugh, I would have
just gone with "Hivey".
25
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,780
I hadn't said it out loud
before, it looks better
in writing.
26
00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:15,867
Now surrender, fugitives!
Wait, are you watching
a dirty movie?
27
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,745
This is the
Fortress of Solitude!
28
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,080
L-O-L a "dirty movie"?
29
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:24,667
Uh, relax, we just dropped in
to chill for a bit and eat
all your chips
30
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,211
while Gordon's
looking for us, okay?
31
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:28,004
Your big, dumb son
says it's okay.
32
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,255
Oh, did he now?
33
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,257
Perhaps we should call him.
34
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,344
-You really don't
have to do that.
-Yeah, don't do that.
35
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,054
[hologram whooshing]
36
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,555
Ladies, your honeymoon is over.
37
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,724
Wrong again!
It's just beginning!
38
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:41,434
C'mon, Hivey, let's bounce.
39
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,394
-[key beeps]
-[explosion]
40
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,772
-[Harley laughs maniacally]
-Come back here
and face justice!
41
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,899
Wait, did you sign up
for HBO Max?
42
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,943
I already used my free trial!
43
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,986
Shit, shit, shit,
where'd we park? God!
44
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,364
-How does Wonder Woman
keep track of this damn jet?
-[distant beeping]
45
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,700
-[explosion]
-Oh! It's right
over there. Yay!
46
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,619
So, what do we do now?
47
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:02,372
Let the "Eat Bang Kill"
tour begin.
48
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,499
-Come here.
-[both kissing, moaning]
49
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:05,458
[jet whooshing]
50
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,044
[muffled screams]
51
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:10,171
To us, together at last.
52
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:13,341
Harley and Ivy take over
the fucking world!
53
00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:14,717
[pops]
54
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:16,469
[impact thuds]
55
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,891
-[man] Hello? Hello?
-[Ivy chuckles]
56
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,643
-This is Commissioner Gordon.
-[whispers] Oh, he's on!
He's on! You, you!
57
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,728
[clears throat] This is the IRS
calling, sir,
58
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,314
you have a $90,000 lien
on your house.
59
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,483
How in the he--
is this about my ex-wife?
60
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,820
We're gonna need to confirm
your identity. What's your
credit card number again?
61
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:37,490
-Oh, life saver!
So, any credit card?
-Gimme, gimme, gimme!
62
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,117
The one with the highest limit.
63
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,578
Okay, let's see.
You ready for the number?
Four-six...
64
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,540
-Charge it to the room.
-Missus and Missus Gordon.
65
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,958
[glasses clinking]
66
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,960
-[Harley laughing maniacally]
-[jet whooshes]
67
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,214
-[Harley grunts]
-Ugh.
68
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,258
-[grunting]
-[impact thuds]
69
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:58,845
-[man screaming]
-Send our regards to whatever
shitty tabloid you work for!
70
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:03,224
And tell Ben Affleck
I upper-decked his
fancy soda stream!
71
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,018
[Harley screaming]
72
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,730
[sighs]
73
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,565
-Champagne, my queen?
-[Ivy chuckles]
74
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,318
Harls, I gotta tell ya,
this trip you have
planned for us--
75
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,819
Call her by her name.
76
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:18,489
Right, the "Eat Bang
Kill Tour," is just so sweet,
77
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,074
it's so fun,
and then raunchy...
78
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,784
[chuckles nervously]
...and then a little scary.
79
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,620
I know, it's going to be
hard to top
80
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,580
punching a bunch of
Buckingham guards
in the dick though.
81
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,498
[gasps] Oh, oh,
tell me your favorite part.
82
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:30,293
Um, I really liked walking
through the Queen's
rose garden.
83
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,962
Each rose totally blooming
to her full potential.
84
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,672
I'm like what is
this woman's secret...
85
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,925
[woman] It's all about
the sprinkler schedule.
86
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,301
Who said that?
87
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,345
-[woman grunting]
-Queen Elizabeth the second?
88
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:44,140
-How did she get in here?
-She shoved me in a bag.
89
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:46,225
Happy two-week anniversary!
90
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,394
Oh, wow, wow, Harls.
91
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,357
-What you... You don't like it?
-No, I do. I do.
92
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,485
I like it.
93
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,321
-It's so pleasurable
to meet you, your majesty.
-[Queen chuckles awkwardly]
94
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:02,116
Aren't people going to be,
like, looking for her?
I just took my bra off.
95
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,993
[jets whooshing]
96
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:07,372
I gotcha, Ive.
We'll wrap this thing up quick!
97
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:10,667
Let's commemorate
with an emergency photo shoot.
98
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,169
-Kiss under the missile
for good luck, Ive!
-[kisses]
99
00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,879
[camera shutter clicking]
100
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,839
Okay, okay,
I think we got the shot!
Time to lose our tail.
101
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,675
It's been real,
your majesty! Later!
102
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,843
-Watch the-- Harley, no!
-[Queen screams]
103
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,262
Yeah, she's got
an invisible parachute.
104
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,848
I am gonna choose
not to question that.
105
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:31,437
The potholes, the sinkholes,
toxic puddles, super squirrels,
exploding sewers,
106
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,525
haunted crosswalks,
we've got children
driving busses,
107
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,819
pregnant rats on every corner,
108
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:43,783
it costs $38 to mail a letter--
Personally, I loaded up on
forever stamps in high school,
109
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,702
but not everyone's
smart like that.
110
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,412
[disgruntled citizens
clamoring]
111
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,414
-So is that a question or?
-[citizens jeering]
112
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,709
If you're elected mayor,
how the hell you gonna
fix all this, Gordon?
113
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,502
Cheryl, you're my lieutenant!
114
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:57,422
I've got step-kids to feed
and you're blowing
our tax money
115
00:04:57,505 --> 00:05:03,136
on tanks, robocops,
and GCPD branded water bottles.
116
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,221
Eh, we paid for it with
the library tax.
117
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,557
Most people are only in there
to use the bathroom, anyway.
118
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,642
-[citizens jeering]
-Why's everybody mad at me?
119
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:13,730
The biggest existential threat
to Gotham is criminals
like Harley Quinn
120
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,149
and Poison Ivy,
who continue to wreak havoc.
121
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,901
I'll do whatever it takes
to bring them to justice.
122
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,236
[disgruntled citizens shouting]
123
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:22,280
Mayor, you have 30 seconds
to respond.
124
00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:24,198
Your police budget
is out of control.
125
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,034
-You're the mayor!
You approved my budget!
-[citizens booing]
126
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,119
-[citizen 1] Lame!
-Boo yourself!
127
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:31,497
Hold on! I've dedicated my life
to trying to keep this
piece of shit city safe!
128
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,291
-[citizen 2] You stink!
-Nuh-uh!
129
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:34,792
Hashtag team Harlivy!
130
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,544
-[citizen 3] You suck!
-[audience booing]
131
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:43,593
I'll bring Harley and Ivy
to justice, and then
you'll change your tune!
132
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,721
Everyone's gonna be
whistlin' Jimmy Gordon baby!
133
00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:49,557
-[citizen 4] Fuck you!
-No, fuck you!
134
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,476
[citizens booing, jeering]
135
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,686
I think that went pretty well.
What do you think?
136
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,022
[jet whooshing]
137
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,608
[Ivy grunts]
138
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,318
Can you believe it's been
16 whole days since we've
been together? [screams]
139
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,236
I'm sorry,
who's flying this plane?
140
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,489
-It's on autopilot.
Oh, shit, wait, hold on.
-[emergency beeping]
141
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,951
-Okay, now it's on autopilot.
-[Ivy clears throat]
142
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:13,456
I know I've been showering you
with super thoughtful gifts
to an almost exhausting degree,
143
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:18,211
but get ready 'cause this
next one's gonna
blow your skirt up.
144
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,921
But it's also very chill.
145
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:22,632
[water splashing]
146
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:26,803
We've been doing all this
intense bad guy fighting,
which you do often enjoy,
147
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,514
but there's this whole other
side to you which is like,
148
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,682
plants! And I love that, too.
149
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,601
[gasps] Surprise!
150
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:37,772
Ugh! No! I thought I smelled
stone-age pollen.
Why did you bring me here?
151
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:41,317
Uh, what?
You built this beautiful place.
It's your baby.
152
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,695
I thought you'd get excited
and maybe we'd mess around
a little bit.
153
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:48,533
Come on,
let's have sex in your baby!
154
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,953
I-- I brought you here
because I thought
it would inspire you.
155
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,623
Harley, it's not inspiring,
it's-- It's a total failure.
156
00:06:55,706 --> 00:07:00,711
I... I had this dumb idea
to terraform Earth using
prehistoric plants.
157
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,255
[mockingly] Ah!
158
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,173
You know and then
I called it Edin
with an "I" for Ivy.
159
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,217
That's so cute!
160
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,678
Okay, the name's not great.
But the-- But the idea is!
161
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,431
I worked on it for like way
too long, and then I could only
grow this one shitty acre--
162
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:17,019
Of the most beautiful jungle
anyone's ever seen! My girl!
163
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,355
No, I failed over
and over again.
164
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:23,359
I designed it, like, ten years
ago, the colors are so dated.
Oh, my God!
165
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:26,028
I feel like I'm in, like,
an Urban Outfitters
sale section.
166
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:29,448
Hey. Neon is back!
Some people say
it never went away.
167
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,077
Ivy, you spent the last
two years helping me
with my stupid bullshit
168
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,579
and making chili with your ex.
169
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,873
Yeah. I also died
and was resurrected.
170
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,876
Yes, exactly.
You are a badass evil villain.
171
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,752
You should mold the world
to your vision.
172
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:44,046
It's time to focus on
what you want.
173
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,508
Since we're here,
it's at least worth
looking around, right?
174
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,093
[serene music playing]
175
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,054
I mean, the root system
does look pretty strong.
176
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,682
I used to be so into that.
[breathes deeply]
177
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:57,393
-Okay. Fine.
-[Harley gasps]
178
00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,979
-We can look around.
But let's make it quick.
-[Harley squeals]
179
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,439
[clock ticking sounds]
180
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,069
-Oh, my God! Babe!
-What? What?
181
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,071
Did the queen find us?
Do we need to finish her off?
182
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,573
Start an
international incident?
183
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,576
I just negotiated
the correct pH in
the groundwater!
184
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,454
Oh, cool, I'm loving
how inspired you are.
185
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:19,665
Bee-tee-dubs, in case
other people ask me,
what's the wi-fi here?
186
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,752
There's no wi-fi in Edin--
That's like the whole point.
187
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:27,131
A paradise that reverses
all the damage humans
have done to the environment.
188
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,594
Where ancient plants
can finally bloom
to their full potential!
189
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:32,929
Totally!
190
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:36,265
Reclaiming every inch
from toxic factories,
191
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,684
fast food chains.
Bravolebrities!
192
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,937
But not the ones that make
their own wine, right?
193
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,690
I cannot go back to buying
based on the label.
No fucking way.
194
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:49,612
Just imagine, you and me,
sitting in the sun,
living off the nectars.
195
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:52,823
We don't have to run from
anybody or bash any heads in.
196
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,159
Um, yeah, [chuckling]
yeah, that is so cool.
197
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:58,371
You know, I don't need to
bash people's heads in
or have wi-fi.
198
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,999
I can just sit here.
Maybe I'll learn to
talk to flowers or something.
199
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,418
And this mind control device?
Who needs it!
200
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,753
[impact thuds]
201
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:08,714
[inhales]
Oh, look at this soil!
202
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,050
The Staghorn fern
is self-propagating,
203
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,970
so if I can get the right
acidity levels...
204
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,805
[indistinct creaking noises]
205
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,224
And then, who knows,
Terraforming could be possible!
206
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:19,642
-[phone buzzing]
-[Harley gasps]
207
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,602
[grunts]
208
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,063
Ooh! An unknown number,
maybe it's a telemarketer,
I'd better answer it!
209
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,815
Hello, outside world!
210
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,817
Oh, hey, girl! It's King Shark.
211
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,653
OMG K.S. Bang Bang!
What's happening in Gotham?
Tell me all the hot goss!
212
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,196
Well, funny you should ask,
213
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,992
we're being tortured.
So, how are things with you?
214
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,994
Wait-- You're being tortured?
By who?
215
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,622
Oh, I hate to be a spoilsport
but me and Clayface
are incarcerated.
216
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,874
[chuckles] Gordon nabbed us
at the wedding.
217
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,543
He's holding us in Arkham.
218
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,254
But if you're too busy
to rescue us, we understand--
219
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,714
No! We'll be right there!
220
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:52,883
Ivy! I've got
some terrible news! [squealing]
221
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,552
[jet whooshes]
222
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,929
So, let's just in and out,
no extra drama.
223
00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,599
My seedlings are just
in a crucial stage
and I want to get back ASAP.
224
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,893
Oh, yeah, me, too, can't miss
the crucial seedling stage.
225
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,062
You know, as soon as we make
Gordon pay for messing
with our crew!
226
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,065
Let's skip Arkham
and crash this jet
right into Gordon's house
227
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,984
and slaughter
his entire family!
228
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:12,361
Honey, I know you haven't
punched anyone in the dick
in two days,
229
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,530
but we have to be
smart about this.
230
00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:17,366
Actually, yesterday there was
a fox that tried to take
a shit too close to me. So...
231
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,285
Gordon could be
using him as bait.
232
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,496
A shark as bait? Ha!
That is so fucked up.
God, you're smart!
233
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,665
This is why we make
a great team.
234
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:28,377
You with your brilliantly
thought out strategies
and plant goddess superpowers,
235
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,962
and me with...
[breathes sharply]
236
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:32,590
-You gonna fill that part in?
-What?
237
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,216
Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.
I was just...
238
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,760
[impact thuds]
239
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,596
[windshield wipers squeaking]
240
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:43,559
-Your hair looks
really good today.
-I know, right? [chuckles]
241
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:47,980
The shark found the phone
we planted and called Harley
just like we thought he would.
242
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,024
[laughs]
243
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,693
I bring down Harley and Ivy,
no one's gonna be complaining
about the potholes,
244
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,072
the sinkholes, toxic puddles,
exploding sewers, haunted...
245
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,741
This is torture!
Let me out of here!
246
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,328
Chin up, buddy!
Before you know it,
Harley is going to bust us out.
247
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,413
She better do it soon.
248
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,084
I have an audition in six hours
for the new Thomas Wayne
biographical picture!
249
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,919
"A Hard Wayne's Gonna Fall."
250
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:13,631
[scoffs] Another movie about
a bipedal billionaire.
251
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,549
And a trashy reboot at that.
252
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,761
Stop it! That puckish auteur
James Gunn,
253
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:23,599
is spreading his wings
into the horizons of
award season drama!
254
00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:26,852
If you can't make the audition,
why don't you just
submit a tape?
255
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,563
We could just use the phone
that suspiciously showed up
256
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,440
in my French bread
pizza at lunch.
257
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,025
Oh, like now? [clears throat]
258
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:36,404
Hello. Clayface. Arkham Asylum.
Five to seven feet tall,
259
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,115
or whatever suits the role
of "Thug Number Three."
260
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:43,953
Willing to shave. Anywhere.
261
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:48,165
Is this gonna be much longer?
I gotta go pick up
a prescription for my lizard.
262
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,502
[Gordon chuckles] Pay dirt!
263
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,463
-[guns cocking]
-Freeze!
264
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,385
I'm getting nervous about
Britney and Kylie's
improv skills with Gordon.
265
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:03,264
They're trained professionals.
I'm sure they're gonna buy us
at least another five minutes.
266
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,975
[Kylie] Oh, no!
Have we been bad?
267
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,853
[Britney] Ooh, we need
someone to punish us.
268
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:11,105
Not Commissioner Gordon!
269
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:14,733
Ooh, we respect
and fear him so much.
270
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,735
Something about this
doesn't seem right.
271
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,654
Hold on, let's hear them out.
272
00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:22,616
What the? Adult film actresses
Kylie Kryptonite
and Britney Bionic?
273
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,994
-[male cop] I'm a huge fan!
-Loved you in
the "Drilling Joke."
274
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,664
-Sign my gun?
-Can I get an autograph?
It's for my husband.
275
00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:29,915
[alarm blaring]
276
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,293
[prisoners yelling]
277
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:37,840
Wait. This is where you drugged
and kidnapped me to help me
escape an abusive relationship.
278
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,175
[yells] Harlivy!
279
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,051
-Shark face! [squeals]
-[King Shark chuckles]
280
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,386
You look radiant!
281
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,014
Oh, thanks! We've been doing
a ton of fucking.
282
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,640
To the jet! Quick!
283
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,435
God, I can't believe
I just said that,
that was so lame.
284
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,937
Should I try that again?
You know what, nevermind,
let's just go.
285
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,273
[alarm blaring]
286
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,860
Watch where
you're going, Karen!
287
00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:01,197
Excuse you, bitch!
You just bumped
into Poison Ivy.
288
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,033
One of the premier
supervillains in this world,
289
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,952
newly inspired for some really
cool shit she's working on.
290
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,331
And my BFF GFF slash--
[loudly] Hottest woman alive.
291
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:14,210
Supervillain? [scoffs] Ha!
She hasn't done anything
evil in years!
292
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:17,296
Where the fuck
do you get off? You--
293
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,215
-[growls]
-Come on, Harley, let's go.
294
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,842
[alarm continues blaring]
295
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,719
[ominous music playing]
296
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,846
[jet whooshes]
297
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,932
-Yeah.
-You're not coming with?
298
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,851
We're gonna jet back to
Edin and continue the important
work we were doing
299
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,062
with the leaves
and measuring them...
300
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,730
Probably having lunch
at some point...
301
00:13:34,813 --> 00:13:37,525
Then maybe,
maybe more leaf inspections...
302
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,401
And you're enjoying that?
303
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:43,280
Oh, yeah! I love chaos
but I also love plants.
Just like my lady.
304
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,699
Harley, I mean, if you
want to hang with them,
you don't have to come...
305
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:48,410
Are you kidding?
There's nothing I'd rather do
than listen to bae
306
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,579
talk about chlorophyll
for a couple of weeks.
307
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,373
So I won't be needing these...
308
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,793
The nuclear codes expire
on Tuesday. Miss ya, mean it!
309
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,254
Stop by whenever and also
call me if anything
cool happens
310
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,590
and even anything uncool
happens I don't want
to miss out. Bye!
311
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,425
-[Clayface] Huh?
-Mmm-mmm.
312
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,428
You're what the French
call "Les Incompetents."
313
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,597
-That's a little--
-Losing Harley and Ivy again,
314
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,768
and now half the GCPD
is suspended for the shit
they posted on social media
315
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,437
with pornstars.
I should have your badge!
316
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,523
We'll let the people decide
who's gonna take whose job
317
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,191
when I kick your butt
in the election.
318
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,610
[laughs] You don't stand
a chance.
319
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,779
Just ask my campaign manager.
320
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,532
-[Mayor laughs maliciously]
-What? How could you
do this to me?
321
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,784
-Do you know what my name is?
-[gasps]
322
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:33,247
-Harvey Dent.
-Right, but my moniker?
323
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:37,668
Oh! [chuckles]
[normal] I still don't get it.
324
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,299
Ooh! Big whoops. Whatevs.
325
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,884
Enjoy your seventh term,
Mr. Mayor!
326
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:50,055
Just know this open sewer
of a city and its shit problems
are all yours
327
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,224
and I hope you
choke on 'em. [grunts]
328
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,353
[squirrel squeals]
329
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,231
-[screaming] Stupid squirrel!
-[squirrel screeching]
330
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:01,358
-[impact thuds]
-[grunts]
331
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:02,443
[squirrel chatters away]
332
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,736
[bubbling noises]
333
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,283
-[tires screeching]
-[car honks]
334
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:10,326
[laughing maniacally]
335
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,036
[gasps]
336
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,079
Ah, damn kid bus drivers!
337
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,290
-[bus crashing]
-[explosion]
338
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,375
[Mayor yells]
339
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,423
Live by the polls,
die by the polls. Poetic.
340
00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:27,426
Good news is
I just became available again.
341
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:33,974
[crying]
342
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,851
[sobbing]
343
00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,394
[whimpering]
344
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,438
[screams] No!
345
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,358
[Ivy sighs]
346
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,194
I just put the tea kettle on,
do you want chamomile
or jasmine?
347
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,528
-[muffled grunts]
-What?
348
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,697
-Nothing.
-[muffled grunts continue]
349
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:52,242
-What is that noise?
-Well, I mean, it is our 18th
day anniversary. [chuckles]
350
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,703
I'll give it to you later.
Actually no,
I'll give it to you now.
351
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,955
[grunts]
352
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,875
-So what is it with you
and, like, bags of people?
-[chuckles]
353
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,168
Surprise!
354
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,712
Oh, my gosh. Harley!
Do you know who this is?
355
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,215
Yeah, it's the munch
who said you weren't evil!
356
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,800
Let's feed her to a plant
or something!
357
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,718
Give her an unflattering
haircut for her face shape!
358
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,720
Show her you are
the baddest bitch
on the planet!
359
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,556
She's head
of the Suicide Squad.
360
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,975
Oh, so you're Amanda Waller?
361
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,020
Oh, whoa, we need to make
a Gotham yearbook or something.
362
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:23,399
I know the names but not
the faces, but sometimes
the faces and not the names.
363
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,650
-Harls.
-[grunts]
364
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,819
You never returned my emails.
365
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,321
Yeah, thanks for the t-shirts
and all, but the only squad
I'm joining is Cobb.
366
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,115
Yet you still refuse
to get the tattoo.
367
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:33,033
What's your damage, Waller?
368
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,744
Always perving on supervillains
and putting bombs
in their heads.
369
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,790
You think you're hot shit
but no one's above being
rude to my bae! Now apologize.
370
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,084
You think you can kidnap me
without repercussions?
371
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,211
I eat repercussions
for breakfast!
372
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,422
Harley, why are you stirring up
drama right now?
373
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,425
We are supposed to be checking
mitochondrial reactions.
374
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,260
-This is not drama, okay?
-[sighs wearily]
375
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,387
What's she gonna do?
She's wearing a pencil skirt.
376
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:57,558
You dance with me, you dance
with the entirety of a team
of renegades
377
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:01,603
who take on the dirty jobs
the U.S. Government
won't even do.
378
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,063
[rock music playing]
379
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,440
Captain Boomerang.
380
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,233
Killer Croc.
381
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,152
Enchantress.
382
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,404
Deadshot.
383
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:11,780
Katana.
384
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,533
Together they are,
The Suicide Squad.
385
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:18,620
Some of the meanest psychos
who are alerted whenever
Amanda Waller
386
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,997
sends out the signal.
387
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,000
[woman] Which you did
about two hours ago.
388
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,586
That's pretty cool, eh?
P.R. put it together.
389
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,213
Oh, they want your notes
by end of day. No rush.
390
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,090
Uh, hey! Can I see it?
391
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,259
Oh, sure, yeah,
I'll send you the link.
Right after I kill ya.
392
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:34,511
You kill us? You didn't even
make the montage!
393
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,054
Where's everybody else?
394
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,807
Oh, uh, P.R. has the A-team
overthrowing a dictator
395
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,185
in Central America. But...
396
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:45,856
I am Plastique.
And I'm "the bomb." [echoes]
397
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,235
[both laughing]
398
00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:51,945
[Harley gasps]
399
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,115
Oh, fuck me.
400
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,658
Oh, I've got butterflies
of excitement!
401
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,660
Oh, no, I'm going to faint.
402
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,412
Pull yourself together, man!
403
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,499
Do you want to get cast
as Thug Number Three or not?
404
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:07,377
Yes! Playing a minor character
in a billion-dollar franchise
405
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,004
is every actor's dream!
406
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,632
-There we go.
Warm up that instrument.
-[lip trills]
407
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,926
[both making indistinct noises]
408
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:18,555
Keep going. Oh, you definitely
couldn't have done this
alone in the car.
409
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,474
[director clears throat]
410
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,727
"Quit ya yappin'
or the tooth fairy is gonna
need to do a little, uh...
411
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,021
She's gonna come
and collect her--
412
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,606
Uh, tooth, uh, fee."
413
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,358
[chuckles] I'm sorry,
can I try it a different way?
414
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,860
That was great! No notes!
Thanks so much!
415
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,862
Please, I have
incredible range!
416
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,364
I'm perfect for this role,
417
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,616
but if not,
I can be anyone else.
418
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,368
A shocked bystander?
419
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,994
A lost tourist?
420
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,871
An uncredited limo driver?
421
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:47,459
I need this job.
I'll lose my SAG insurance
and the screeners!
422
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:51,088
I use the elaborate boxes
they send them to store
my leftovers.
423
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,257
How will I keep
my egg salad fresh?
424
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,175
That sounds like a you problem.
425
00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:56,468
Thanks for coming out.
426
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,137
[sighing sadly]
You already said that...
427
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,265
Ugh, God.
This chair is killing me.
428
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:04,184
Can you get me one that doesn't
make my ass fall asleep?
429
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,020
One with lumbar
support perhaps?
430
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:10,274
Please, James Gunn, sit on me!
431
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,406
Oh. Ooh!
432
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,782
[laughs]
433
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,577
Well, Mister Face,
what would you say to a job
434
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,371
on set as the director's chair?
435
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:28,417
God, you look like a pile
of shit but you feel like
a pile of clouds!
436
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,501
[Clayface gasps in delight]
437
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,170
-[explosion]
-[Harley grunts]
438
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,463
Bombs away!
439
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,424
[explosion]
440
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,384
[Plastique laughs]
Too slow, eh?
441
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,428
-[Ivy groans]
-[gasps] Ivy!
442
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,013
-[impact thuds]
-[Harley grunts]
443
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,514
We really shouldn't have given
away all our weapons.
444
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,600
We could use those
nuclear codes about now!
445
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,770
-Here!
-Aww, but I gave that to you
for our three-day anniversary!
446
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,063
[explosion]
447
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,065
Well, eat scepter,
Plastique! [grunts]
448
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:55,694
Ouch! God damn it.
Now we get serious!
449
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,237
[explosion]
450
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,031
-Oh, I think I've
heard of Plastique.
-[explosion]
451
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:00,449
She's like a failed Canadian
political terrorist, right?
452
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,409
I didn't know Canada
made terrorists.
453
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:06,955
Chirp away, hosers!
I almost blew up
a super-soldier lab!
454
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,792
Oh, is that before or after you
stole Carmen Sandiego's coat.
455
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,962
God, you know
I meant that as an insult,
but I do love her.
456
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,714
-Eat ash!
-[Ivy grunts]
457
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,258
-[explosion]
-[yells] My ranunculus!
458
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,844
[grunts]
459
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,387
[groans]
460
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:26,308
I hope you're ready to be
in a new montage. In Memoriam!
461
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,645
[chuckles] I was born for it!
462
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,813
[device beeps]
463
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,067
Oh, hang on, it's gotta, yeah,
it does this little blinkie
thing before it explo--
464
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:36,610
[both scream]
465
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,987
[both grunting]
466
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,614
[helicopter whirring]
467
00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:45,911
[sighs wearily]
468
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,245
It's gone.
469
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,539
It's all gone.
470
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,416
I'm so sorry.
471
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,920
Wait! Look, look!
It's not all dead.
472
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,004
Ew!
473
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,924
[whimpers]
474
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:01,843
If I hadn't kidnapped
Amanda Waller none of this
would've happened.
475
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,720
[crying] I'm addicted to drama!
476
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,014
It's fine, it's fine, Harley.
477
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,683
Edin was doomed to fail.
478
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,645
No! I saw how happy you were,
tinkering with your shiny trees
479
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,730
and the wet hunks of grass.
480
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,565
And all the green stuff.
481
00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:18,694
Oh. Wow, please never
describe nature again.
482
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,363
[sighs] Look, there's nothing
I want more than
483
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,823
to terraform the world.
484
00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:25,867
To take it back
from humans, but... [inhales]
485
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,745
It just can't be done.
At least not by me.
486
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,833
That is bullshit. You can do it
because now... You have me.
487
00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:35,085
Harley, I saw
how bored you were.
488
00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:38,213
It's okay if we don't
do everything together.
489
00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:40,674
Disagree! These last
19-and-a-half days
490
00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,051
have been the most
emotionally dope of my life.
491
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,303
I know the Eat Bang Kill Tour
can't go on forever.
492
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:46,638
So let's get serious.
493
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:49,641
I am all in!
I want what you want.
494
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,310
Please let me help you
see your beautiful evil
plot through.
495
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:56,523
Please, let's plant
some shit, please?
496
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,317
You really think
I can do this, peanut?
497
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,113
Yes! Totally! Partners in crime
in every sense of the word.
498
00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:05,866
-BFFs GFFs, right?
-[chuckles softly]
499
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,242
[inhales deeply]
500
00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:10,078
Harley and Ivy
take over the fucking world!
501
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,663
I'll put on the tea kettle.
502
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:12,831
[kissing]
503
00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:16,251
Happy 19th-day anniversary.
[squeals]
504
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,420
[theme music playing]
39056
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