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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,292 [Harley] Okay. Marry, fuck, kill. 2 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,328 Kite Man, Mr. Freeze, Joker. 3 00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:28,833 Yeah, I mean, the first one is my fiancee, so, duh. 4 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,726 And then, the other two are dead, 5 00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,497 and one of them is your dead ex-boyfriend. So, gross and duh. 6 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,797 All right, last one. Two-Face, Killer Croc, Joker. 7 00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:39,141 Again, he's dead, so let's just-- 8 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,606 No. No, it's Joker. 9 00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,843 Holy shit. It's... [gasps] 10 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,449 A totally unremarkable looking white guy. 11 00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:47,722 Ive, I am telling you that is him, 12 00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:50,320 just without his puke green hair and bleached white skin. 13 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,554 And maniacal laugh, blood lust in his eyes, 14 00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,108 and fire engine red lips? 15 00:00:54,112 --> 00:00:55,622 No, that was lipstick. He always stole mine. 16 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,859 Ugh! He was so annoying. 17 00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,423 Like, hello, you can murder a family, 18 00:00:58,423 --> 00:00:59,833 but you're afraid to buy makeup on your own? [scoffs] 19 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,733 Harls, this guy does not look like 20 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,828 he was flattened by a thousand tons of steel and concrete 21 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,298 when a tower of his own image crushed him to death, 22 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,829 which is what happened to Joker, so... 23 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,704 Uh, his body was never found. 24 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,813 Haven't you seen those conspiracy videos on WayneTube? 25 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,835 Yeah, the one with the song raises some decent points. 26 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,340 But still, it's impossible that that guy is him. 27 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,349 Joker tried to throw me in that acid to undo me. 28 00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,482 What if that's him undone? 29 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,310 Yeah, I think you're done. 30 00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:23,584 Babe, I'm telling you it's not him. 31 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,434 Oh, fuck, it's him! 32 00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:32,262 [theme music playing] 33 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,800 -Do you think he saw us? -Oh, I hope he saw us, 34 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,526 because I want him to see the face of his murderer. 35 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,297 -[Harley grunts] -Hey! 36 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,699 Ivy, no! I just wanna leave without causing a scene, 37 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,469 for the first time in my life. 38 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,472 Whoa! 39 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,735 I'm so sorry. 40 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,580 Oh. Totally my fault. 41 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,648 It's not often we have bar patrons on the floor. 42 00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:56,153 I should not have been daydreaming. 43 00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,885 Uh, about world domination? 44 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,421 Skintight purple suits? 45 00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,586 Heavens, no! Purple clothes? 46 00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:03,487 I wish I was that bold. 47 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,457 No, I was just thinking about my kids. 48 00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:07,995 -Kids? -Say what? 49 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,800 Well, you know, they're my girlfriend's kids technically, 50 00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,332 but they feel like they're my kids. 51 00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:13,167 Here. Here's a picture. 52 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,538 -Harley. -You, you know who I am? 53 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,343 No. Just, it says "Harley" on your bat here. 54 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:20,836 -You almost left it. -Thanks. 55 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,807 Well, if you need extra napkins or water, 56 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,847 you know where to find me. [chuckles] Bye. 57 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,813 Joker always told me he hated kids. 58 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,281 You bought that whole act? 59 00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:30,678 He is fucking with you. 60 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,951 I don't know what his game is, 61 00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,391 but seriously, we should just kill him. 62 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,763 [humming nonchalantly] 63 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,563 Yeah, I'm killing him. 64 00:02:37,623 --> 00:02:39,293 We can't kill a normie. 65 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,529 Maybe that acid changed him, you know, for reals. 66 00:02:41,527 --> 00:02:42,797 Last time you thought he changed, 67 00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:44,455 he pushed you out of a helicopter. 68 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,826 This is totally different. We are not in a helicopter. 69 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,570 -People can't change. -I did. 70 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:49,998 Remember when I used to be a psychologist, 71 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,873 and I wore my hair up all the time? 72 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,668 Even then I could tell deep down you were a crazy bitch. 73 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,940 Aw. Thanks. 74 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,238 You are who you are at your core, 75 00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,310 now and forever. 76 00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,902 You're wrong, and I can prove it. 77 00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:11,559 [rock music blaring] 78 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,555 Ninety-nine, one hundred. Damn it. 79 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,927 Better luck next time, boy-o. 80 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,425 Two out of three, squats. 81 00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:17,556 You're on! 82 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,571 [both grunting] 83 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,974 [Harleen clears throat] 84 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,868 Well, you must be Dr. Quinzel. 85 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,239 Pleasure to meet you. I'm-- 86 00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:28,936 Harvey Dent, of course. 87 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,978 You're only the best district attorney Gotham's ever had. 88 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,514 And let's keep it that way at the polls tomorrow. 89 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,900 Can I count on your vote? 90 00:03:34,895 --> 00:03:36,645 It's important young people like you vote. 91 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,987 Well, I may be young, but you did call me in 92 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,572 to be the Joker's psychologist 93 00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:43,317 because, you know, I studied his pathology more than anyone else. 94 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,863 Wrote my entire thesis paper on him, 95 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,255 but, hey, you know that. 96 00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:49,859 We never read your paper. Hell, we didn't even know you wrote one. 97 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,600 Oh, then... Then why did you hire me? 98 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,398 Because you're cheap and you've got a pulse, skirt. 99 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,900 Joker's chewed up every other shrink in Gotham. 100 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,541 Which is why this election is so important. 101 00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,614 Take an extra for your mom. She'll love it. 102 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,613 I believe in you. 103 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,005 I won't let you down, sir. I'm sure in no time, I can-- 104 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,878 We have no time. 105 00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,048 That psychopath's planted a bomb somewhere in the city. 106 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,445 We need you to find out where before it goes kaboom! 107 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,686 We've only got 24 hours before the polls close. 108 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,152 Or the bomb goes off. 109 00:04:14,147 --> 00:04:15,917 What did I say, the polls? No, the bomb. The bomb. 110 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,563 Yes. No, I'm talking about the bomb. 111 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,727 Of course, I'm thinking about the bomb. 112 00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:19,725 -[alarm blaring] -Damn it! 113 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,096 [gasps] 114 00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:28,615 [guard screaming] 115 00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,335 What happened? Why does it look like 116 00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:36,336 a salad bar exploded? 117 00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:41,408 Sir, the cafeteria accidentally ordered living lettuce, sir. 118 00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,394 [grunting] 119 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,855 [wincing] 120 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:51,857 [gunshot] 121 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:52,925 [moans] 122 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,479 [breathing heavily] 123 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,443 Mr. Dent, you can't burn inmates. 124 00:05:05,504 --> 00:05:07,114 Not yet. But prop 17 125 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,883 gives an exciting, new definition to prisoners' rights. 126 00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:11,162 What are you gawking at? 127 00:05:11,156 --> 00:05:12,846 Get to the Joker and find that bomb. 128 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,783 Remember, tomorrow at the polls, 129 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,348 yes on 17! 130 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,790 [glass squeaks] 131 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:32,597 [Riddler] Riddle me this. 132 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,995 Who's in over her head 133 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,397 and should've majored in communication? 134 00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:38,498 Joke's on you. That was my minor. 135 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:39,942 Joke was on me. [gasps] 136 00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,508 [Harleen] I'm so sorry. 137 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,076 They shouldn't have done that. 138 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,894 -Fuck off, narc. -[spits] 139 00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:54,854 You ready, sugar? 140 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,307 [siren blaring] 141 00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:16,675 [laughing] Hello, puddin'. 142 00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:17,912 -[Harleen] Puddin'? -Oh, shit. 143 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,581 I thought you brought my lunch. 144 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,576 Who's hungry for pudding? 145 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,951 Joker, you're gonna eat the dessert first? 146 00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,546 Ah ha! You know it, pal. 147 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:29,924 [sighs] 148 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,130 Word to the wise, Dr. Quinzel, 149 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,032 never end up in maximum security, 150 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,855 no matter how fun the crime is. 151 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,760 Eating alone is a real drag. 152 00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,501 So, you know who I am? 153 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,940 I read your thesis. I thought it was pretty good. 154 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,144 Oh. 155 00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:46,766 For fan fic. 156 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:48,879 Darling, if you want to get the story right, 157 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,205 you have to go straight to the source. 158 00:06:50,211 --> 00:06:51,751 That's why I'm here. 159 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,005 An opportunity to set the record straight. 160 00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,982 [laughing] Well, that's very good. 161 00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:58,750 But you're here because you want me to dish about the bomb, 162 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,792 which is gonna go kaboom in two freckles past a hair. 163 00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,115 Ooh, that's soon. 164 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,590 Okay, you caught me. 165 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,288 So, if you're not gonna tell me where, 166 00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,833 maybe you'd like to tell me why? 167 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,956 What? Look at this! 168 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,001 It's, like, five peas. 169 00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:15,567 Seriously, what kind of nutrients 170 00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:17,744 am I going to get from five peas? 171 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,307 How about we take a step back and talk about 172 00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,875 your obsession with the bat? 173 00:07:20,882 --> 00:07:23,012 What's that? I'm sorry. The speakers are getting a little fuzzy. 174 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,676 [mimics crackling] 175 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,545 Where's Dr. Quinn's... [mimics crackling] 176 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,123 Peas... [mimics crackling] Puddin'? 177 00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:33,145 Let me in the cell. I need to get on his level. 178 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,020 That's tough to do with bars between us. 179 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,888 -You mean the glass? -Whatever, Cheryl. Just do it. 180 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,658 Your funeral, sug. 181 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,873 There, the speakers aren't a problem anymore. 182 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,970 It's just you and me, 183 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,136 with nothing in between us. 184 00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:54,812 What? Hey! 185 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,275 What do we have here? Let me see. 186 00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:00,013 Mighty fine penmanship. Hmm. 187 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,549 Blah, blah, blah. "Insane." 188 00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,875 Oh, yes. Blah, blah, blah. "Egomaniac." 189 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,751 Blah, blah. "Cute." 190 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,719 -I would never write that. -But I know you thought it. 191 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,990 [Joker laughing] 192 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,827 People are afraid of you, but I'm not. 193 00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:15,732 Somewhere inside that big clown is a human being. 194 00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,995 -One that can be helped. -You're so right. 195 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,834 People are scared of me. 196 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,744 [yells] 197 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,642 And for good reason. 198 00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,544 No. 199 00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,765 Just to be clear about the bomb, 200 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,114 I'm not telling you shit. [laughing] 201 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,647 Do not touch me. 202 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:35,881 Hey! 203 00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:36,978 [both] Ah! 204 00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,749 [chuckles] You've got spunk. 205 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,190 I hate spunk. 206 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,785 [Harley grunts] 207 00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:48,287 An athlete and a scholar. [laughs] 208 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,701 You're far too good for this dump. 209 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,104 [Joker grunts] 210 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,100 Ah, well, I win. 211 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,136 [grunts] 212 00:08:58,172 --> 00:08:59,312 [exhales deeply] 213 00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,813 Come back anytime, Harley. 214 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,105 [Joker laughing] 215 00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,649 [exhales heavily] 216 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,052 Any idea how stupid that was? 217 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,860 It's a miracle he didn't kill you. 218 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,755 But he didn't. Joker wasn't trying to kill me, 219 00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:18,022 he was testing me. 220 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,861 He's screwing with you, Quinzel. 221 00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,226 Oh, what's the u-- 222 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,104 You're done. Turn in your badge and gun. 223 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,873 I don't have those things. 224 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,931 Ah, right. Well, turn in your clipboard and glasses. 225 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,000 I know I can get through to him. 226 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,640 Give me one more chance. 227 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,005 -Well, what other option do we have? -Me. 228 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,942 Jesus! Was he here the whole time? 229 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,338 I'll make Joker talk. 230 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,675 [grunts] 231 00:09:42,948 --> 00:09:44,248 Where's the bomb? 232 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,017 [Joker] Why don't you ask Robin? 233 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,086 Oh, wait. Jason Todd is dead, that's right, 234 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:52,325 because I killed him. [laughing maniacally] 235 00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:54,363 [grunts] Too soon? 236 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,027 [laughing] 237 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:02,066 [continues laughing] 238 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,313 [punches landing] 239 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,305 -Licorice? -Oh, I could go for a red snack. 240 00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,036 Oh, last one. 241 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,884 [Joker laughing] 242 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,718 Leaving so soon, Batsy? 243 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,794 We were just revving up. [laughing] 244 00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:24,333 He's a lost cause. 245 00:10:24,325 --> 00:10:26,185 We need to evacuate the city while there's still time. 246 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,429 No, we can't panic the voters. 247 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,195 Uh, the citizens. 248 00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:35,264 You still think you can get to him? 249 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,867 You bet I can. Just give me a minute. 250 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,181 So, got any plans for tonight, Batman? 251 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,453 Uh, stop Joker from blowing up Gotham. 252 00:10:45,446 --> 00:10:47,246 Yeah, of course. 253 00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:49,878 I meant, like, after that. 254 00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:52,319 I want to ask you about Joker. 255 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,448 Just kill him already. 256 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,750 But then the bomb will go off. 257 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,061 People aren't worth saving. 258 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,333 Kill joker, kill people, kill yourself. 259 00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:00,962 Your file says you were in group therapy with Joker, 260 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,128 but all the notes are missing. What happened? 261 00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:05,427 Tough to take notes when you're getting murdered. 262 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,199 Joker killed the psychologist? 263 00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,841 Yeah, he really didn't want to talk about his family. 264 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,003 -Hmm. -And you know what? I don't wanna talk to you, 265 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,214 -so get out! -Thanks for the help. 266 00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,198 Back for more, Harley? 267 00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:31,163 It's Dr. Quinzel. 268 00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,785 Well, Doc, you've got guts. 269 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,930 I'll give you that. But that's all you get. 270 00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,826 I don't wanna hear about the bomb. 271 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,099 I wanna hear about what makes you tick. 272 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,900 [laughs] That's good. 273 00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,199 And it's almost a joke. 274 00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,070 Tell me about growing up. 275 00:11:46,065 --> 00:11:49,105 [Joker] Oh, look who passed their freshman psychology class. 276 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,376 We're in an insane asylum. 277 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:54,075 Not a single person in here came from a happy home. 278 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:57,321 People around here seem to think you have real daddy issues. 279 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,817 [laughs] Ha! Who told you that? 280 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,285 Was it Penguin? 281 00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:04,458 That mutant orphan's the one with daddy issues. 282 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,964 Well, I can see this is just too painful for you. 283 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,787 -We can stop for today. -Painful? 284 00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:11,131 You think you can hurt me, sweetheart? 285 00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:13,397 I've been hurt by the best. 286 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,896 Oh, please. Everyone's scarred by their childhood. 287 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,109 Not worse than me! 288 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:24,243 Fine. You wanna know how I got these emotional scars? 289 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,411 I'm listening. 290 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,353 All right. 291 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,818 I'll admit my parents weren't too fond of me. 292 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:35,921 What makes you think that? 293 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,099 Let me see. Quote. 294 00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,890 "Son, we're not fond of you." 295 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,901 My parents were wealthy, but they never gave me much, 296 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,904 especially not their attention. 297 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,296 So, you must have spent a lot of time alone. 298 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,138 Well, I had Mr. Ferris. 299 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,542 Was he a role model for you? 300 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,305 He was a ferret, a beautiful beast. 301 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:58,544 With gorgeous ringed fur, Mr. Ferris, the ferret. 302 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,911 Being an only neglected child, 303 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,380 the pet was a brother to me. 304 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,218 We were inseparable. 305 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,093 Until one night, while Mummy was away, 306 00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,893 I made the mistake of wandering into my father's study. 307 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,986 There I found dear, old Dad with our maid, naked. 308 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:17,359 He roared at me, so I rushed out, went straight to bed. 309 00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:19,201 I hadn't even had supper. 310 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,835 After all, the maid was busy. 311 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,872 The next morning, I found Ferris's cage empty, 312 00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,907 and Daddy above it with the widest smile I'd ever seen. 313 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,444 That day, my father took away 314 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,479 the one thing I'd ever loved. 315 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,454 Then he beat the shit out of me. 316 00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:35,547 I just remember him standing over me, punching and laughing, 317 00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,875 laughing and punching, and punching. 318 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,191 [laughing maniacally] 319 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,470 [sobbing] 320 00:13:46,427 --> 00:13:49,627 Personally, I never got what was so funny. 321 00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:52,197 But that's the thing about comedy. 322 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,495 Not everyone gets the joke. 323 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,537 You're not defined by your father. 324 00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,974 You don't have to destroy the world. 325 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,140 I can help you if you help me. 326 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:04,207 All right. I'll 'fess up about the bomb. 327 00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:05,908 -But promise me one thing. -Of course. 328 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,379 I want to eat a normal meal like a normal person 329 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:12,618 in a normal insane asylum at the cafeteria and all. 330 00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,550 Done. Next week, you can eat whatever you want. 331 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,464 No, no. No, it has to be tonight, 332 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,234 because I don't trust those assholes to keep your word. 333 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,104 -Licorice, Batman? -You said you were out. 334 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,503 -I found more. -Shut it. 335 00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,025 Tell me where the bomb is, 336 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,332 and you'll have that meal tonight. 337 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:30,936 I promise. 338 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:36,476 I believe you. 339 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,983 The bomb is in the heart of Little Italy. 340 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,576 Holy hell! She did it! 341 00:14:41,649 --> 00:14:43,259 Yeah, that's beginners' luck. 342 00:14:43,261 --> 00:14:45,521 That's the last time I'll underestimate a skirt with a PhD. 343 00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,286 I'm gonna win the election. 344 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,224 Men in prison, get everyone over to Little Italy. 345 00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,988 -Pronto! -That's Italian. 346 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,627 We can carpool, right? Global warming, it's an issue. 347 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,463 I, of course, can't go. 348 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,998 Me around an armed bomb? Bad photo op. 349 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,433 But do anything it takes to stop that bomb. 350 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,968 The voters thank you. 351 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,167 You still alive? 352 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,538 Guess I owe Riddler a 20. 353 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,306 Joker 'fessed up, thanks to you. 354 00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:10,477 -I didn't do anything. -You told me about his family. 355 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,683 That was nothing. And I wouldn't have even told you about it 356 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,249 if I knew you were gonna be so smug about it. 357 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,946 Like it or not, you helped me. 358 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,275 Everyone needs a friend. 359 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,291 And since you want humans wiped from the face of the earth... 360 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,585 Right. So, you cut a plant for me? 361 00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:28,657 -I could kill you with this. -Yeah, you could. 362 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,371 You know, if I dip my shoulder, 363 00:15:46,365 --> 00:15:48,315 I could just squeeze right into that little space up front. 364 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:51,115 -No. -No? Yeah, dumb idea. Dumb. 365 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,970 [chuckling] 366 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,793 [laughing] 367 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,741 Yoo-hoo! 368 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,266 Hey, I think that child lock is on. 369 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,138 Yeah, we're here. 370 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,747 The heart of Little Italy, you son of a bitch. 371 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,281 There's nothing here, Jim. There's no bomb. 372 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,356 Damn it. 373 00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,681 As long as we're here, you want to try the fresh mozz, 374 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,450 or some brajoot, as they say? 375 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,156 Hey, so I was thinking, if you're interested, 376 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,755 maybe I'll turn that thesis of mine into a full novel. 377 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,327 There it is. [laughs] 378 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,797 You play naive, but you're better than that. 379 00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,196 You never cared about the bomb, did you? 380 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,569 You just wanted your story. 381 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,706 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 382 00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:48,213 You're naughty, Dr. Quinzel. 383 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,714 -What happened to Harley? -Well, Harley, I'm game. 384 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,378 That is, if I can call this our first date. 385 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,077 [speaks Italian] 386 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,519 -What's with the Italian? -Oh, that's Luigi. 387 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,515 His food's the reason I keep coming back to Arkham. 388 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,057 [laughs] I mean, him and Batman. 389 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:07,327 See, Luigi's got a bit of a nickname around here. 390 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,064 -[Luigi grunting] -Little Italy. 391 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,700 -[Joker laughing] -It feels no good. 392 00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:14,595 The flavor, really, just explodes in your mouth. 393 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,237 [laughing] 394 00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,307 Paint my toenails. 395 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,713 You're not gonna believe this. 396 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,713 The bomb was in a guy named Little Italy. 397 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,136 -Luigi. -Wait. 398 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,181 Where are you going, Dark Knight? 399 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,746 [alarms blaring] 400 00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:30,345 Why don't we dine al fresco? 401 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:31,516 [alarm blaring] 402 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,221 Where is he? 403 00:17:40,728 --> 00:17:42,328 You lying asshole! 404 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,795 I told everyone exactly where the bomb was, 405 00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:47,495 but you were the only one who got the joke. 406 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,797 Oh, my God! You're insane. 407 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,838 Please, I gave you what you wanted, a story. 408 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,565 The story. 409 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,210 Clown price of crime kidnaps hotshot psychologist. 410 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,106 Her tell-all sells millions. 411 00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,208 Baby, I'm about to make you a star. 412 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,800 Not if they kill us first. 413 00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,179 They're not going to kill me, because they won't kill you. 414 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,364 Honestly, you're safer here than back at that looney bin. 415 00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:11,122 -Take the shot. -Sir, I can't without hitting her. 416 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,334 Who gives a fuck? I can't win this goddamn election 417 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,886 if Joker escapes on my watch! 418 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,410 -Ivy, you saved me! -[Poison Ivy] Say what? 419 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,777 I always knew you had a special place in your heart for the Joker. 420 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,546 [Poison Ivy] Not you, asshole. 421 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,386 Not bad for a first date, eh, puddin'? 422 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,492 Are, are you okay, or whatever? 423 00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:42,785 Why did you save me? 424 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,715 No one's ever given me a gift before, 425 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:48,431 I mean, not to mention a plant. So, that was nice. 426 00:18:51,932 --> 00:18:53,332 [Harleen gasps] 427 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,625 Kill them all! 428 00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:07,178 Uh... I surrender. 429 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:11,787 [Harvey sighs] 430 00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:14,615 Ow! 431 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,891 So, Doc, I was thinking of seeing a new therapist, 432 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,291 if you could recommend, uh-- 433 00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:20,591 -I'd love to. -Cool. 434 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,904 Dr. Quinzel, thank God you're all right. 435 00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:28,537 Phew! 436 00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:29,902 Crazy night, huh? 437 00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:31,400 But it's a happy ending. 438 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,371 Joker's captured, I'll win re-election, 439 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,840 and you've earned yourself a promotion. Congrats. 440 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,309 We good? 441 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:40,226 Fuck off, Two-Face. 442 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,054 Bullshit. You came up with Two-Face? 443 00:19:47,054 --> 00:19:48,924 And not a single royalty. 444 00:19:48,989 --> 00:19:51,419 -Ugh. -Ive, you said humanity wasn't worth saving, 445 00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,463 but then you saved me, a human. 446 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,900 Even though it meant another year in Arkham. I mean, thusly-- 447 00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,902 -Don't say thusly. -I changed you, 448 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,327 which proves your core can change. 449 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,730 Harley wins again. 450 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:02,801 God, you're so smug. 451 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,769 Harley, you didn't change me. 452 00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,467 You helped me, sure, you know, 453 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,912 but I didn't always hate people. 454 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,337 It wasn't until Mr. Ferris died. 455 00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,982 Mr. Ferris? You mean Joker's Ferris? 456 00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:12,605 No, I mean Mr. Ferris, the ficus. 457 00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,413 -He was my first plant. -I don't understand. 458 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,723 Harls, that was my story. I told it in group therapy. 459 00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:18,024 Joker probably just stole it 460 00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:19,815 and weirdly changed it into a ferret. 461 00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:23,420 What? I spent so much money on ferret paraphernalia over the years. 462 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,630 His custom Christmas stocking was a ferret. 463 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:29,432 Well, as always, Joker lied, surprising no one but you. 464 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,729 The first time my father hit me, 465 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,700 that's when I gave up on humans. 466 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,703 Until I met you. [sighs] 467 00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,938 You never told me, Ive. I'm sorry. 468 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,913 Yeah, it was a long time ago. 469 00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:40,612 So, what are we gonna do about him? 470 00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,336 We call in a tie-breaker. 471 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:51,012 -Oh, nice unit. -Uh, can I help you? 472 00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,718 Hmm. Sugar, sugar, sugar. 473 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,758 Nope. Oh, why not? I'll splurge. 474 00:20:57,825 --> 00:21:00,755 Oh, boy. This is way too stylish. 475 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,327 Okay. There. Ah, that's normal. 476 00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:05,365 Where's my new, old lucky sock? 477 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,702 There you are, buddy. 478 00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,397 [chuckles] Ho! 479 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,039 [all laughing] 480 00:21:11,105 --> 00:21:12,435 What just happened? 481 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:14,966 [Poison Ivy] Ugh! 482 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,541 He really loves those kids. 483 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,809 -That is disgusting. -Ugh! I hated seeing it. 484 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,698 And case closed. 485 00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,550 He's got zero memories from before the tower collapsed. 486 00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:24,919 -You're welcome. -All right, all right. 487 00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,547 I was wrong. The old Joker is gone. 488 00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:28,153 I guess the acid really did change him. 489 00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:30,394 Which is why I just smoke joints. 490 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,857 [laughs] Fuck you. That was a good one. 491 00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,025 Papa needs his nap. 492 00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:37,432 I guess this is goodbye. 493 00:21:38,999 --> 00:21:41,769 [grunting] 494 00:21:41,835 --> 00:21:43,175 [humming] 495 00:21:48,142 --> 00:21:49,912 -Oh, jeez. -Shoot. 496 00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:52,047 [grunts] Okay, enough. 497 00:21:52,112 --> 00:21:53,982 [Two-Face] Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy. 498 00:21:54,048 --> 00:21:56,648 Good news, I'm the DA again. 499 00:21:56,717 --> 00:21:59,917 Bad news, you're under arrest. 500 00:22:01,788 --> 00:22:04,938 [cell phone vibrates] 501 00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:09,126 [laughing] 502 00:22:14,968 --> 00:22:16,498 [coughing] 503 00:22:17,871 --> 00:22:18,871 Oh. 504 00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:22,577 [humming] 505 00:22:24,178 --> 00:22:26,148 [theme music playing] 34750

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