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1
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,292
[Harley] Okay.
Marry, fuck, kill.
2
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,328
Kite Man,
Mr. Freeze, Joker.
3
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:28,833
Yeah, I mean, the first one
is my fiancee, so, duh.
4
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,726
And then,
the other two are dead,
5
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,497
and one of them is
your dead ex-boyfriend.
So, gross and duh.
6
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,797
All right, last one.
Two-Face, Killer Croc,
Joker.
7
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:39,141
Again, he's dead,
so let's just--
8
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,606
No. No, it's Joker.
9
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,843
Holy shit.
It's... [gasps]
10
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,449
A totally
unremarkable looking
white guy.
11
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:47,722
Ive, I am telling you
that is him,
12
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:50,320
just without
his puke green hair
and bleached white skin.
13
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,554
And maniacal laugh,
blood lust in his eyes,
14
00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,108
and fire engine red lips?
15
00:00:54,112 --> 00:00:55,622
No, that was lipstick.
He always stole mine.
16
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,859
Ugh! He was so annoying.
17
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,423
Like, hello, you can
murder a family,
18
00:00:58,423 --> 00:00:59,833
but you're afraid to buy
makeup on your own? [scoffs]
19
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,733
Harls, this guy
does not look like
20
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,828
he was flattened
by a thousand tons
of steel and concrete
21
00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,298
when a tower of his own image
crushed him to death,
22
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,829
which is what happened
to Joker, so...
23
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,704
Uh, his body was never found.
24
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,813
Haven't you seen
those conspiracy videos
on WayneTube?
25
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,835
Yeah, the one with the song
raises some decent points.
26
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,340
But still, it's impossible
that that guy is him.
27
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,349
Joker tried to throw me
in that acid to undo me.
28
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,482
What if that's him undone?
29
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,310
Yeah, I think you're done.
30
00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:23,584
Babe, I'm telling you
it's not him.
31
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,434
Oh, fuck, it's him!
32
00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:32,262
[theme music playing]
33
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,800
-Do you think he saw us?
-Oh, I hope he saw us,
34
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,526
because I want him to see
the face of his murderer.
35
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,297
-[Harley grunts]
-Hey!
36
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,699
Ivy, no! I just wanna leave
without causing a scene,
37
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,469
for the first time
in my life.
38
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,472
Whoa!
39
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,735
I'm so sorry.
40
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,580
Oh. Totally my fault.
41
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,648
It's not often
we have bar patrons
on the floor.
42
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:56,153
I should not
have been daydreaming.
43
00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,885
Uh, about world domination?
44
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,421
Skintight purple suits?
45
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,586
Heavens, no!
Purple clothes?
46
00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:03,487
I wish I was that bold.
47
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,457
No, I was just thinking
about my kids.
48
00:02:06,525 --> 00:02:07,995
-Kids?
-Say what?
49
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,800
Well, you know, they're
my girlfriend's kids
technically,
50
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,332
but they feel like
they're my kids.
51
00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:13,167
Here. Here's a picture.
52
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,538
-Harley.
-You, you know who I am?
53
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,343
No. Just, it says "Harley"
on your bat here.
54
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:20,836
-You almost left it.
-Thanks.
55
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,807
Well, if you need
extra napkins or water,
56
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,847
you know where to find me.
[chuckles] Bye.
57
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,813
Joker always told me
he hated kids.
58
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,281
You bought
that whole act?
59
00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:30,678
He is fucking with you.
60
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,951
I don't know
what his game is,
61
00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,391
but seriously,
we should just kill him.
62
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,763
[humming nonchalantly]
63
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,563
Yeah, I'm killing him.
64
00:02:37,623 --> 00:02:39,293
We can't kill a normie.
65
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,529
Maybe that acid changed him,
you know, for reals.
66
00:02:41,527 --> 00:02:42,797
Last time you thought
he changed,
67
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:44,455
he pushed you out
of a helicopter.
68
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,826
This is totally different.
We are not in a helicopter.
69
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,570
-People can't change.
-I did.
70
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:49,998
Remember when I used
to be a psychologist,
71
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,873
and I wore my hair up
all the time?
72
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:53,668
Even then I could tell
deep down you were
a crazy bitch.
73
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,940
Aw. Thanks.
74
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,238
You are who you are
at your core,
75
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,310
now and forever.
76
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,902
You're wrong,
and I can prove it.
77
00:03:10,389 --> 00:03:11,559
[rock music blaring]
78
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,555
Ninety-nine, one hundred.
Damn it.
79
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,927
Better luck next time, boy-o.
80
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,425
Two out of three, squats.
81
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:17,556
You're on!
82
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,571
[both grunting]
83
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,974
[Harleen clears throat]
84
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,868
Well, you must be
Dr. Quinzel.
85
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,239
Pleasure to meet you. I'm--
86
00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:28,936
Harvey Dent, of course.
87
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,978
You're only the best
district attorney
Gotham's ever had.
88
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,514
And let's keep it that way
at the polls tomorrow.
89
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,900
Can I count on your vote?
90
00:03:34,895 --> 00:03:36,645
It's important
young people like you vote.
91
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,987
Well, I may be young,
but you did call me in
92
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,572
to be the Joker's
psychologist
93
00:03:40,567 --> 00:03:43,317
because, you know,
I studied his pathology
more than anyone else.
94
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,863
Wrote my entire
thesis paper on him,
95
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,255
but, hey, you know that.
96
00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:49,859
We never read your paper.
Hell, we didn't even know
you wrote one.
97
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,600
Oh, then... Then why
did you hire me?
98
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,398
Because you're cheap
and you've got a pulse, skirt.
99
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,900
Joker's chewed up
every other shrink in Gotham.
100
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,541
Which is why this election
is so important.
101
00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,614
Take an extra for your mom.
She'll love it.
102
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,613
I believe in you.
103
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,005
I won't let you down, sir.
I'm sure in no time, I can--
104
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,878
We have no time.
105
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,048
That psychopath's
planted a bomb
somewhere in the city.
106
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,445
We need you to find out where
before it goes kaboom!
107
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,686
We've only got 24 hours
before the polls close.
108
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,152
Or the bomb goes off.
109
00:04:14,147 --> 00:04:15,917
What did I say, the polls?
No, the bomb. The bomb.
110
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,563
Yes. No, I'm talking
about the bomb.
111
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,727
Of course, I'm thinking
about the bomb.
112
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:19,725
-[alarm blaring]
-Damn it!
113
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,096
[gasps]
114
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:28,615
[guard screaming]
115
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,335
What happened?
Why does it look like
116
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:36,336
a salad bar exploded?
117
00:04:36,408 --> 00:04:41,408
Sir, the cafeteria
accidentally ordered
living lettuce, sir.
118
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,394
[grunting]
119
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,855
[wincing]
120
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:51,857
[gunshot]
121
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:52,925
[moans]
122
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,479
[breathing heavily]
123
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,443
Mr. Dent, you can't
burn inmates.
124
00:05:05,504 --> 00:05:07,114
Not yet. But prop 17
125
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,883
gives an exciting,
new definition
to prisoners' rights.
126
00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:11,162
What are you gawking at?
127
00:05:11,156 --> 00:05:12,846
Get to the Joker
and find that bomb.
128
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,783
Remember,
tomorrow at the polls,
129
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,348
yes on 17!
130
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,790
[glass squeaks]
131
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:32,597
[Riddler] Riddle me this.
132
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,995
Who's in over her head
133
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,397
and should've majored
in communication?
134
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:38,498
Joke's on you.
That was my minor.
135
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:39,942
Joke was on me. [gasps]
136
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,508
[Harleen] I'm so sorry.
137
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,076
They shouldn't have done that.
138
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,894
-Fuck off, narc.
-[spits]
139
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:54,854
You ready, sugar?
140
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,307
[siren blaring]
141
00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:16,675
[laughing]
Hello, puddin'.
142
00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:17,912
-[Harleen] Puddin'?
-Oh, shit.
143
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,581
I thought
you brought my lunch.
144
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,576
Who's hungry for pudding?
145
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,951
Joker, you're gonna
eat the dessert first?
146
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,546
Ah ha! You know it, pal.
147
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:29,924
[sighs]
148
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,130
Word to the wise,
Dr. Quinzel,
149
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,032
never end up
in maximum security,
150
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,855
no matter how fun
the crime is.
151
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,760
Eating alone
is a real drag.
152
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,501
So, you know who I am?
153
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,940
I read your thesis.
I thought it was pretty good.
154
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,144
Oh.
155
00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:46,766
For fan fic.
156
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:48,879
Darling, if you want
to get the story right,
157
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,205
you have to go
straight to the source.
158
00:06:50,211 --> 00:06:51,751
That's why I'm here.
159
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,005
An opportunity to set
the record straight.
160
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,982
[laughing]
Well, that's very good.
161
00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:58,750
But you're here
because you want me
to dish about the bomb,
162
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,792
which is gonna go kaboom
in two freckles past a hair.
163
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,115
Ooh, that's soon.
164
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,590
Okay, you caught me.
165
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,288
So, if you're not
gonna tell me where,
166
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,833
maybe you'd like
to tell me why?
167
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,956
What? Look at this!
168
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,001
It's, like, five peas.
169
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:15,567
Seriously, what kind
of nutrients
170
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:17,744
am I going to get
from five peas?
171
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,307
How about we take a step back
and talk about
172
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,875
your obsession with the bat?
173
00:07:20,882 --> 00:07:23,012
What's that? I'm sorry.
The speakers are getting
a little fuzzy.
174
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,676
[mimics crackling]
175
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,545
Where's Dr. Quinn's...
[mimics crackling]
176
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,123
Peas... [mimics crackling]
Puddin'?
177
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:33,145
Let me in the cell.
I need to get on his level.
178
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,020
That's tough to do
with bars between us.
179
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,888
-You mean the glass?
-Whatever, Cheryl.
Just do it.
180
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,658
Your funeral, sug.
181
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,873
There, the speakers
aren't a problem anymore.
182
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,970
It's just you and me,
183
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,136
with nothing
in between us.
184
00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:54,812
What? Hey!
185
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,275
What do we have here?
Let me see.
186
00:07:57,343 --> 00:08:00,013
Mighty fine
penmanship. Hmm.
187
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,549
Blah, blah, blah. "Insane."
188
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,875
Oh, yes. Blah, blah, blah.
"Egomaniac."
189
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,751
Blah, blah. "Cute."
190
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,719
-I would never write that.
-But I know you thought it.
191
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,990
[Joker laughing]
192
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,827
People are afraid of you,
but I'm not.
193
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:15,732
Somewhere inside that big clown
is a human being.
194
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,995
-One that can be helped.
-You're so right.
195
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,834
People are scared of me.
196
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,744
[yells]
197
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,642
And for good reason.
198
00:08:24,904 --> 00:08:26,544
No.
199
00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,765
Just to be clear
about the bomb,
200
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,114
I'm not telling you shit.
[laughing]
201
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,647
Do not touch me.
202
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:35,881
Hey!
203
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:36,978
[both] Ah!
204
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,749
[chuckles]
You've got spunk.
205
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,190
I hate spunk.
206
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,785
[Harley grunts]
207
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:48,287
An athlete
and a scholar.
[laughs]
208
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,701
You're far too good
for this dump.
209
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,104
[Joker grunts]
210
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,100
Ah, well, I win.
211
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,136
[grunts]
212
00:08:58,172 --> 00:08:59,312
[exhales deeply]
213
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:02,813
Come back
anytime, Harley.
214
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,105
[Joker laughing]
215
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,649
[exhales heavily]
216
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,052
Any idea
how stupid that was?
217
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,860
It's a miracle
he didn't kill you.
218
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,755
But he didn't.
Joker wasn't trying
to kill me,
219
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:18,022
he was testing me.
220
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,861
He's screwing
with you, Quinzel.
221
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,226
Oh, what's the u--
222
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,104
You're done. Turn in
your badge and gun.
223
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,873
I don't have those things.
224
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:27,931
Ah, right. Well, turn in
your clipboard and glasses.
225
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,000
I know I can get
through to him.
226
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,640
Give me one more chance.
227
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,005
-Well, what other option
do we have?
-Me.
228
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,942
Jesus! Was he here
the whole time?
229
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,338
I'll make Joker talk.
230
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,675
[grunts]
231
00:09:42,948 --> 00:09:44,248
Where's the bomb?
232
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,017
[Joker] Why don't
you ask Robin?
233
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,086
Oh, wait. Jason Todd
is dead, that's right,
234
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:52,325
because I killed him.
[laughing maniacally]
235
00:09:52,393 --> 00:09:54,363
[grunts] Too soon?
236
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,027
[laughing]
237
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:02,066
[continues laughing]
238
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,313
[punches landing]
239
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,305
-Licorice?
-Oh, I could go
for a red snack.
240
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:12,036
Oh, last one.
241
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,884
[Joker laughing]
242
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,718
Leaving so soon, Batsy?
243
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,794
We were just revving up.
[laughing]
244
00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:24,333
He's a lost cause.
245
00:10:24,325 --> 00:10:26,185
We need to evacuate
the city while there's
still time.
246
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,429
No, we can't panic
the voters.
247
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,195
Uh, the citizens.
248
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:35,264
You still think
you can get to him?
249
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,867
You bet I can.
Just give me a minute.
250
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,181
So, got any plans
for tonight, Batman?
251
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,453
Uh, stop Joker
from blowing up Gotham.
252
00:10:45,446 --> 00:10:47,246
Yeah, of course.
253
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:49,878
I meant, like, after that.
254
00:10:51,149 --> 00:10:52,319
I want to ask you
about Joker.
255
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:53,448
Just kill him already.
256
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,750
But then the bomb will go off.
257
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,061
People aren't worth saving.
258
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,333
Kill joker, kill people,
kill yourself.
259
00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:00,962
Your file says
you were in group therapy
with Joker,
260
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,128
but all the notes
are missing.
What happened?
261
00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:05,427
Tough to take notes
when you're getting murdered.
262
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,199
Joker killed the psychologist?
263
00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:09,841
Yeah, he really didn't
want to talk about his family.
264
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,003
-Hmm.
-And you know what?
I don't wanna talk to you,
265
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,214
-so get out!
-Thanks for the help.
266
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,198
Back for more, Harley?
267
00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:31,163
It's Dr. Quinzel.
268
00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,785
Well, Doc,
you've got guts.
269
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,930
I'll give you that.
But that's all you get.
270
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,826
I don't wanna hear
about the bomb.
271
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,099
I wanna hear about
what makes you tick.
272
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,900
[laughs] That's good.
273
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,199
And it's almost a joke.
274
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,070
Tell me about growing up.
275
00:11:46,065 --> 00:11:49,105
[Joker] Oh, lookwho passed their freshmanpsychology class.
276
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,376
We're in an insane asylum.
277
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:54,075
Not a single person in herecame from a happy home.
278
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:57,321
People around here
seem to think you have
real daddy issues.
279
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,817
[laughs] Ha!
Who told you that?
280
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,285
Was it Penguin?
281
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:04,458
That mutant orphan's the one
with daddy issues.
282
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,964
Well, I can see this is
just too painful for you.
283
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,787
-We can stop for today.
-Painful?
284
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:11,131
You think you can
hurt me, sweetheart?
285
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:13,397
I've been hurt by the best.
286
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,896
Oh, please. Everyone's
scarred by their childhood.
287
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,109
Not worse than me!
288
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:24,243
Fine. You wanna know
how I got
these emotional scars?
289
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,411
I'm listening.
290
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,353
All right.
291
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,818
I'll admit my parents
weren't too fond of me.
292
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:35,921
What makes you think that?
293
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,099
Let me see.
Quote.
294
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,890
"Son, we're not
fond of you."
295
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,901
My parents were wealthy,
but they never gave me much,
296
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,904
especially not their attention.
297
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,296
So, you must have spent
a lot of time alone.
298
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,138
Well, I had Mr. Ferris.
299
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,542
Was he a role model for you?
300
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,305
He was a ferret,
a beautiful beast.
301
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:58,544
With gorgeous ringed fur,
Mr. Ferris, the ferret.
302
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,911
Being an only neglected child,
303
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,380
the pet was a brother to me.
304
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,218
We were inseparable.
305
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,093
Until one night,
while Mummy was away,
306
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,893
I made the mistakeof wandering intomy father's study.
307
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:13,986
There I found dear, old Dadwith our maid, naked.
308
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:17,359
He roared at me,so I rushed out,went straight to bed.
309
00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:19,201
I hadn't even had supper.
310
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,835
After all,the maid was busy.
311
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,872
The next morning,I found Ferris's cage empty,
312
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,907
and Daddy above itwith the widest smileI'd ever seen.
313
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,444
That day,my father took away
314
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,479
the one thing
I'd ever loved.
315
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,454
Then he beat
the shit out of me.
316
00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:35,547
I just remember him
standing over me,
punching and laughing,
317
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,875
laughing and punching,
and punching.
318
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,191
[laughing maniacally]
319
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,470
[sobbing]
320
00:13:46,427 --> 00:13:49,627
Personally, I never got
what was so funny.
321
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:52,197
But that's the thing
about comedy.
322
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,495
Not everyone gets the joke.
323
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,537
You're not defined
by your father.
324
00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,974
You don't have to
destroy the world.
325
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,140
I can help you
if you help me.
326
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:04,207
All right. I'll 'fess up
about the bomb.
327
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:05,908
-But promise me one thing.
-Of course.
328
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,379
I want to eat a normal meal
like a normal person
329
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:12,618
in a normal insane asylum
at the cafeteria and all.
330
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,550
Done. Next week, you can eat
whatever you want.
331
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,464
No, no. No, it has
to be tonight,
332
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:21,234
because I don't trust
those assholes to keep
your word.
333
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,104
-Licorice, Batman?
-You said you were out.
334
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,503
-I found more.
-Shut it.
335
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,025
Tell me where the bomb is,
336
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,332
and you'll havethat meal tonight.
337
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:30,936
I promise.
338
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:36,476
I believe you.
339
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,983
The bomb is in the heart
of Little Italy.
340
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,576
Holy hell! She did it!
341
00:14:41,649 --> 00:14:43,259
Yeah, that's beginners' luck.
342
00:14:43,261 --> 00:14:45,521
That's the last time
I'll underestimate a skirt
with a PhD.
343
00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,286
I'm gonna win the election.
344
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,224
Men in prison,
get everyone over
to Little Italy.
345
00:14:49,288 --> 00:14:50,988
-Pronto!
-That's Italian.
346
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,627
We can carpool, right?
Global warming, it's an issue.
347
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,463
I, of course, can't go.
348
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,998
Me around an armed bomb?
Bad photo op.
349
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,433
But do anything it takes
to stop that bomb.
350
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,968
The voters thank you.
351
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,167
You still alive?
352
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,538
Guess I owe Riddler a 20.
353
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,306
Joker 'fessed up,
thanks to you.
354
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:10,477
-I didn't do anything.
-You told me about his family.
355
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,683
That was nothing.
And I wouldn't have even
told you about it
356
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,249
if I knew you were gonna be
so smug about it.
357
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,946
Like it or not,
you helped me.
358
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,275
Everyone needs a friend.
359
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,291
And since you want humans
wiped from the face
of the earth...
360
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,585
Right. So, you cut
a plant for me?
361
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:28,657
-I could kill you with this.
-Yeah, you could.
362
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,371
You know,
if I dip my shoulder,
363
00:15:46,365 --> 00:15:48,315
I could just squeeze right into
that little space up front.
364
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:51,115
-No.
-No? Yeah, dumb idea.
Dumb.
365
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,970
[chuckling]
366
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,793
[laughing]
367
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,741
Yoo-hoo!
368
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,266
Hey, I think
that child lock is on.
369
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,138
Yeah, we're here.
370
00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,747
The heart of Little Italy,
you son of a bitch.
371
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,281
There's nothing here, Jim.
There's no bomb.
372
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,356
Damn it.
373
00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,681
As long as we're here,
you want to try
the fresh mozz,
374
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:26,450
or some brajoot,
as they say?
375
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,156
Hey, so I was thinking,
if you're interested,
376
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,755
maybe I'll turn
that thesis of mine
into a full novel.
377
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,327
There it is.
[laughs]
378
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,797
You play naive,
but you're better than that.
379
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,196
You never cared
about the bomb, did you?
380
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,569
You just wanted your story.
381
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,706
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
382
00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:48,213
You're naughty,
Dr. Quinzel.
383
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,714
-What happened to Harley?
-Well, Harley, I'm game.
384
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,378
That is, if I can call this
our first date.
385
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,077
[speaks Italian]
386
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,519
-What's with the Italian?
-Oh, that's Luigi.
387
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,515
His food's the reason
I keep coming back to Arkham.
388
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,057
[laughs]
I mean, him and Batman.
389
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:07,327
See, Luigi's got
a bit of a nickname
around here.
390
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,064
-[Luigi grunting]
-Little Italy.
391
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,700
-[Joker laughing]
-It feels no good.
392
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:14,595
The flavor, really,
just explodes in your mouth.
393
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,237
[laughing]
394
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,307
Paint my toenails.
395
00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:20,713
You're not gonna believe this.
396
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,713
The bomb was in a guy
named Little Italy.
397
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:24,136
-Luigi.
-Wait.
398
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,181
Where are you going,
Dark Knight?
399
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:27,746
[alarms blaring]
400
00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:30,345
Why don't we dine al fresco?
401
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:31,516
[alarm blaring]
402
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,221
Where is he?
403
00:17:40,728 --> 00:17:42,328
You lying asshole!
404
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,795
I told everyone
exactly where the bomb was,
405
00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:47,495
but you were the only one
who got the joke.
406
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,797
Oh, my God! You're insane.
407
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,838
Please, I gave you
what you wanted, a story.
408
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,565
The story.
409
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,210
Clown price of crime
kidnaps hotshot psychologist.
410
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,106
Her tell-all sells millions.
411
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,208
Baby, I'm about
to make you a star.
412
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,800
Not if they kill us first.
413
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:05,179
They're not going to kill me,
because they won't kill you.
414
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,364
Honestly, you're safer here
than back at that looney bin.
415
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:11,122
-Take the shot.
-Sir, I can't
without hitting her.
416
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,334
Who gives a fuck?
I can't win this
goddamn election
417
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,886
if Joker escapes
on my watch!
418
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,410
-Ivy, you saved me!
-[Poison Ivy] Say what?
419
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,777
I always knew
you had a special place
in your heart for the Joker.
420
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:36,546
[Poison Ivy] Not you, asshole.
421
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,386
Not bad for a first date,
eh, puddin'?
422
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,492
Are, are you okay,
or whatever?
423
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:42,785
Why did you save me?
424
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,715
No one's ever given me
a gift before,
425
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:48,431
I mean,
not to mention a plant.
So, that was nice.
426
00:18:51,932 --> 00:18:53,332
[Harleen gasps]
427
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,625
Kill them all!
428
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:07,178
Uh... I surrender.
429
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:11,787
[Harvey sighs]
430
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:14,615
Ow!
431
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,891
So, Doc, I was thinking
of seeing a new therapist,
432
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,291
if you could recommend, uh--
433
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:20,591
-I'd love to.
-Cool.
434
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,904
Dr. Quinzel, thank God
you're all right.
435
00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:28,537
Phew!
436
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:29,902
Crazy night, huh?
437
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:31,400
But it's a happy ending.
438
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,371
Joker's captured,
I'll win re-election,
439
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,840
and you've earned
yourself a promotion.
Congrats.
440
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,309
We good?
441
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:40,226
Fuck off, Two-Face.
442
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,054
Bullshit. You came up
with Two-Face?
443
00:19:47,054 --> 00:19:48,924
And not a single royalty.
444
00:19:48,989 --> 00:19:51,419
-Ugh.
-Ive, you said humanity
wasn't worth saving,
445
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,463
but then you saved me,
a human.
446
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,900
Even though it meant
another year in Arkham.
I mean, thusly--
447
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,902
-Don't say thusly.
-I changed you,
448
00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,327
which proves
your core can change.
449
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,730
Harley wins again.
450
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:02,801
God, you're so smug.
451
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,769
Harley, you didn't change me.
452
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:06,467
You helped me,
sure, you know,
453
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,912
but I didn't always
hate people.
454
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,337
It wasn't until
Mr. Ferris died.
455
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,982
Mr. Ferris? You mean
Joker's Ferris?
456
00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:12,605
No, I mean Mr. Ferris,
the ficus.
457
00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,413
-He was my first plant.
-I don't understand.
458
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,723
Harls, that was my story.
I told it in group therapy.
459
00:20:16,784 --> 00:20:18,024
Joker probably just stole it
460
00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:19,815
and weirdly changed it
into a ferret.
461
00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:23,420
What? I spent so much money
on ferret paraphernalia
over the years.
462
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,630
His custom Christmas stocking
was a ferret.
463
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:29,432
Well, as always, Joker lied,
surprising no one but you.
464
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:30,729
The first time
my father hit me,
465
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,700
that's when I gave up
on humans.
466
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,703
Until I met you. [sighs]
467
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,938
You never told me, Ive.
I'm sorry.
468
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,913
Yeah, it was
a long time ago.
469
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:40,612
So, what are we
gonna do about him?
470
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,336
We call in a tie-breaker.
471
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:51,012
-Oh, nice unit.
-Uh, can I help you?
472
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,718
Hmm. Sugar, sugar, sugar.
473
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,758
Nope. Oh, why not?
I'll splurge.
474
00:20:57,825 --> 00:21:00,755
Oh, boy.
This is way too stylish.
475
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,327
Okay. There.
Ah, that's normal.
476
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:05,365
Where's my new,
old lucky sock?
477
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,702
There you are, buddy.
478
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:09,397
[chuckles] Ho!
479
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,039
[all laughing]
480
00:21:11,105 --> 00:21:12,435
What just happened?
481
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:14,966
[Poison Ivy] Ugh!
482
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,541
He really loves those kids.
483
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,809
-That is disgusting.
-Ugh! I hated seeing it.
484
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,698
And case closed.
485
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,550
He's got zero memories from
before the tower collapsed.
486
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:24,919
-You're welcome.
-All right, all right.
487
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,547
I was wrong.
The old Joker is gone.
488
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:28,153
I guess the acid
really did change him.
489
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:30,394
Which is why
I just smoke joints.
490
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:32,857
[laughs] Fuck you.
That was a good one.
491
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,025
Papa needs his nap.
492
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:37,432
I guess this is goodbye.
493
00:21:38,999 --> 00:21:41,769
[grunting]
494
00:21:41,835 --> 00:21:43,175
[humming]
495
00:21:48,142 --> 00:21:49,912
-Oh, jeez.
-Shoot.
496
00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:52,047
[grunts] Okay, enough.
497
00:21:52,112 --> 00:21:53,982
[Two-Face] Harley Quinn,
Poison Ivy.
498
00:21:54,048 --> 00:21:56,648
Good news, I'm the DA again.
499
00:21:56,717 --> 00:21:59,917
Bad news, you're under arrest.
500
00:22:01,788 --> 00:22:04,938
[cell phone vibrates]
501
00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:09,126
[laughing]
502
00:22:14,968 --> 00:22:16,498
[coughing]
503
00:22:17,871 --> 00:22:18,871
Oh.
504
00:22:20,807 --> 00:22:22,577
[humming]
505
00:22:24,178 --> 00:22:26,148
[theme music playing]
34750
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