Original subtitles

hello everyone this is will this is Mario and welcome back to another episode of they mostly come at night mostly wow that's hello I like in Mario Mario Mario Mariana Mariana Mariela Mariana Mario on market mart-mart Margaret excuse me he's like going a little too far you went too far not quite as far as this movie no not nearly as far as this movie way but I've never seen anything go this far have we ever worked have we watched a movie on this podcast that went this far I'm sure we have but this is none recent member as far as like kung-fu movies go this is the [ __ ] the depth this is like this is like the lowest we've almost said the pinnacle no but then everyone no but then I remembered I remembered like normal human standards I'd only agree with you on like this is the pinnacle if you're talking about like as low as we could possibly go like the pinnacle of like an iceberg so it's like you know I like yeah at the top of an iceberg is like 10% of the iceberg and the rest of it goes into the water and down into the depths so it's the pinnacle of the reverse side of the iceberg is the depth this is the musty undercarriage this is the [ __ ] we trudged through this and my god this is this is amazing I would say this a lot but I'm literally I'm serious this is the movie that we created this podcast for like these are the kind of movies that this is this is what this podcast is all about I worry about my my sanity I worry about my sanity but that's is perfect after this because if you've ever seen a like kung pow enter the fist or any like martial arts spoof you go ahead and throw those away [ __ ] throw them in the garbage is thrown in the garbage they're not worth it anymore watch this just go watch deadly kick deadly kick that is what we watched tonight from our first movie in 1976 and oh my god I love it it started strong this is the [ __ ] started it's potent this is a doozy this is a real winner I just don't know I I don't dude I've never seen something that is so wrong and yet so right it's like wrong on every level though it's like it got nothing right nothing like is so wrong that it goes into the right territory and it's just like it is that I know what they say you know it's like two negatives make a positive well in this case a million negatives make a very big [ __ ] positive I will say though before we get into this are you this movie like you're for the very wrong reasons I will I will try and like like specify that for the very wrong reasons this movie is entertaining as hell it is so goddamn entertaining wrong reasons you say I don't know you need to need to be as morally [ __ ] up as I am and then you will understand that no matter of fact this is the right reasons no right right down to that [ __ ] miniature at the end all right dude I think we need to get into it because I need to you want to talk about the major I need to talk about the minitor I need to get to that part again I need to talk about how ridiculous the end gets because that in fight scene with like everything that goes on it just goes it takes this movie to 11 and it didn't need to go to 11 but it does but mostly when you talking about the miniature and the intestine scene oh yes and the the many legs and the the most erotic that's the one we really need to talk about it the goddamn sex this movie we I've never been so soft in my feel I think that I reverted I think like I think never get hard again yeah because I will think of that scene exactly every time if you're getting ever get like with a girl like a new girl or something and you don't want to get too hot and heavy just think of that scene just think of that scene and it instantly goes away deflate just everything everything is fine at that point deflate completely it's the best birth control you need just remember that scene and specifically the up and down motion which is just it's so good it's too good I just don't know think the angle okay this is cinematic schadenfreude okay that's what this is can you explain to our viewers that don't know what shorten Freud is so schadenfreude is like one of our it's one of our favorite words yeah it really is it's like one of my favorite it's a perfect described descriptor it's a perfect descriptor of this podcast but also just like my sense of humor in general and wills to an extent as well well it's not as much of a piece of [ __ ] as I am so you know I don't know if this grabs me more [ __ ] go [ __ ] yourself [ __ ] and schadenfreude is German it means finding like pleasure or amusement in others misfortune and that's this movie because I'm finding pleasure in the misfortune of what state the director the actors the dub the voice the voice actors including the actual actors yeah the cinematographer the choreographers the whoever the [ __ ] did the music um whoever the schmuck was that they got to fly the helicopter everything everybody involved in this I am getting mass pleasure oh the the old man wink wink we put and quotation heavy quotations and and yeah him everything everyone in this movie suffered and I love it this is your [ __ ] isn't it this is my [ __ ] I didn't know I needed this and I didn't think I'd ever see such insanity but let's get into it alright so here we go deadly kick so first off we get a voiceover well okay let's just say this there is no escalation of insanity here we start in insanity because we get a a shot of like a projector yes and it's - it's like a bunch of people commenting on this guy Mario we get introduced to Mario yes and they're commenting on their watching like basically they're watching his life yes and he's like going through he's like he's at like a club and they're like why does he drink so much he drinks to forget what he did he's a murderer and like what is he doing now while he's walking oh like they like he drinks to forget like Oh blah blah blah he's like yeah they like but why actor himself like this is the worst like acting drunk like acting I've ever seen in my entire life but will may ask the perfectly logical question sure how the [ __ ] are they have a copy of the film I guess they have cameras everywhere I have a copy of the movie yeah it's like that scene in space balls with yes when Darth helmet watches space balls to figure out how to defeat that's what it looks like yeah you're watching the movie it's meta I get it now I get it very good yeah so they're watching him and he's in a mariachi bar and then he drinks too much and like then goes to his mom's house after man he's he's tired of hanging out the Mariachi I should also mention at this point because this is when we started noticing it every single set in this movie I swear to god was like like I'll probably like like ice-cold I don't even know it's like you can see their breath every single time they talk like it's [ __ ] freezing but not even likewhat not even a little bit I logged a lot of it like is [ __ ] cold on set in every single indoor scene it is freezing and I have no goddamn idea why so hey goes to his mom and he says like mom like where's my wife where's my wife and she's like you're not welcome here anymore and she's not your wife anymore you're a murderer why you're a Muybridge boy there the voice actress is like you know moita just ask who the [ __ ] did he kill well we know waiter yeah later but like how I don't know how she knows this owns him and he has to leave and he goes to find his wife cuz he hears from her that she's not your wife anymore and he gets us that's like a hint she a ho right so she he goes to where all the hoes at and he's like where's where's Pei Pei where's Pei Pei Pitt she's like he's like shaking down all the women and then one of him just like oh she's upstairs he kills upstairs and Pei Pei is getting [ __ ] and my I got it that's so the guy she you asked who the guy in the cover was he doesn't fight him I know but that's the guy but it's the different actor in them in the cover it's Charles Bronson in the picture yeah but it's the same like actor that plays the guy who's [ __ ] Pei Pei but where death scene bro I don't know where I go neither of those scenes are in the movie welcome okay so she's getting [ __ ] and she's like she looks over and she sees like a drunken Mario and what a sight and what a sight she's like this is my punishment as your wife and that is verbatim the line this is my punishment as your wife so I guess her punishment for being married to a murderer is she becomes a ho so he goes back to the ears like mariachi bar this is all in like China and Japan but the music like all like I like salsa and [ __ ] and then he starts dancing with one of the girls and for know they dance a salsa no [ __ ] reason a guy with a huge pipe beats him up yeah we never find out who why what when where why like nothing nothing but they finished watching him and then they're like '[ __ ] a syndicate yeah they finished they finished washing the rug Lords they finished watching the movie yeah and they're like oh he's good like the woman's like we should use him we can get him angry and he'll be useful well cuz apparently he swore never to use martial arts again swart when did that happen like no they just mentioned it in passing after he [ __ ] a woman and blinded her like what wind you're giving too much away el excuse me I gave him I know it's kind of in the next scene but still I gave nothing you'll find out what I do where is he now he's coming around from his drunk oh yeah well he's like in the compound now like word for word yeah they say he's coming around from his drunk and she's like she keep saying this job is really important and some of them don't want to use him but she insists and he's like sleeping it off in their compound I don't know maybe they got him after the guys beat him up I have no idea but he's laying down and then he wakes up and then all of a sudden there's this weird filter on the no he's looking through a window and it's like he's seeing like these three [ __ ] heads like her ass a woman they're harassing pay pay and they stir and he goes he like breaks through the fake-ass window and then he like confronts them and they started laughing at him and they laughing like as they laughter like King they're so losing haha like a cartoon character they're like what the [ __ ] is it called like the that stretching exercises like the the shoulder rolls yeah they do much like they're doing that shoulder roll its shoulder rolls like haha oh that's how they laugh it looks like looks like an old like 2d video game when like characters would laugh and they would animate like their shoulders up and down yeah like like like Laura Croft yeah like two more like original sort of like old like like double dragon er yeah that's what it looks like yeah they laugh with their shoulders and then he um he kind of like he does like a car thing well first we hear like roaring noise and then we get a shot of a tiger and then we hear like he does like laughing and you see a falcon and then he does something it just is like his thumb into his other fingers and then you get like a weird like it sounds like a whooshing noise but then we get it's supposed to be like a snake oh my god it looks horrible it's like a [ __ ] plastic puppet if they just zoom in on its like mouth and it's supposed to be a snake and then we just get like and they're like you should see its tongue like coming out and here's what you get here's what you get and that's it we get like shots of nonsense and everyone's dead yeah well you went on for too long it was like two seconds and there everyone's dead everyone yet completely dead and then he decides to find you we never see the lion or the fake puppet snake again not the lion the tiger apparently he loses that ability after this thing so then he's talked into the crime syndicate and they're like hey you need to deliver this suitcase to the others I don't even know what's going on now they just give him a suitcase of money we get a scene of the cop oh yeah and his superiors tell you if there's like a Dale his they named him day Charles Bronson he looks he looks like a Chinese Charles looks like Asian Charles Bronson mustache everything except that his own except that this guy's only acting ability is with his eyebrows when he ties he like moves his eyebrows up and down up and down time and then when he cuz normally he just kind of like does like he looks like [ __ ] Clint Eastwood with like squinty eyes but then when he has that quote-unquote act he's go where's his eyebrows up and down and he's mr. Pierce um if there's a underground coup going on and some syndicate is buying weapons yeah now that's all we that's it that's all again that's all um that's pretty much the only plot is significant syndicate is we don't know why they're getting weapons we don't know who they're getting weapons from we don't know all we know is there is a coup whatever the [ __ ] that means in this case and some was buying guns and so we get a scene of Mario giving pei-pei a suitcase of money case of money and telling her to go and this will take care of his her mom and her yep and then he leaves and he also says before you leave you must forgive me pay pay you must forgive me then we get this weird scene at the airport where like Charles Bronson is watching and watching people come down the stairs and he sees I guess he sees Mario come down the stairs men know he's he hears like the the bells yeah and then he sees someone jumping down the stairs and then you see a blind woman but you don't suppose well yes she's wearing glasses but he gets a flashback this is a very long flashback but apparently the flashback is also multiple because we get a flashback of Mario in the flashback of Charles Bronson as well so it's got [ __ ] its stacks or years stacks on stacks okay yes and he so they're training and so he Charles Bronson is training with a girl and then there's the master watching them and then they finish training and they just talking and then and Mario shows that apparently they knew each other now and then Mario kind of just says like hey I want to marry her let's fight I'm gonna fight you to marry her and so they fight and Mario wins his Falcon know what didn't know what it is not good punch falcon punch falcon claws him falcon cough and and then and then the mathematically shame shame on you you use your martial arts training for bad things because he's like he's like i've i've taught you the wrong way i knew you were bad and i still taught you I must die because I taught you well at work after Mario leaves the Masters like talking to himself and looking at a Buddha statue and he's like I have to kill myself because because I taught Mario to be bad drinks Mario is bad I'm going to kill myself because I taught him the wrong way I should have seen him and he kills himself and they'll give some the woman like he says I get my book and give Dale my [ __ ] secret like shenanigans this is one of the first scenes where we see Dale have the eyebrows yes after he's talking to the woman and talking about how he'll get he'll get Mario yes but then the flashback goes another place because then we get this woman being she's in a room so I should say this apparently Dale left because he was gonna go somewhere else to be honest and then the woman's in like a bedroom and then Mario Mariama shows up and starts basically threatening the raper and they start fighting cuz she won't and he whittled by little like rips off her clothes they get on top of her and like there's this weird scene where he's like ripping off all our clothes and she's like she like grips the the headboard and then we keep getting shots of like her like pants ripping yes supposedly he like he like forcibly like but he rapes her basically her then and then we see him like come up anything as he's doing that it cuts to her and she's just like waiting in bed like like oh that was fine and then II think uh raises his hands up with his two fingers like pointed towards towards her and then just just pokes pokes her eye though he came so hard he had to stab her [ __ ] eyes out with his fingers but if that's literally how it goes it's just him you know like being on top of her and her kind of screaming and then just he just raises up like comes so [ __ ] hard I was losing my [ __ ] at the seam like it's it's supposed to be like scary and horrifying but it's the dumbest [ __ ] [ __ ] ever it's so also it keeps like cuttings like the [ __ ] wall also like I will tell you this I don't care for the spoiler we never figure out why he did it no I just does it well I told you why you did it as we said he came so hard that's the only explanation there's nothing nothing he just did it it's not like he had to like cuz he didn't kill her he just poked her cuz he poked her one place he had to poke her another place you're the only one that can see me comb like this you saw you saw my orgasm face you saw my uh-oh face now you can't see anything else I need to be fair that is a pretty [ __ ] up orgasm face it is it's really [ __ ] up I'm glad we it was also like fully clothed do you think I'm glad when you get to see that O face in the next a sex scene there oh yes yeah this is this is not the most erotic scene this one no that's the next one so then the blind the blind girl talks to Dale and they talk about how she's trying to get back at Mario yeah hey I'm just gonna keep saying any different words from Maruyama marzipan so she's matt meselson Mazel Tov Montalban but Mario so we get this weird scene where like I should preface this scene we don't know who the people in the car are yeah we don't know who attacks them one of the guys in the car is from the first meeting in the beginning of the movie that's all I know the rest of them are the guys that are part of the old man syndicate why they kill these guys [ __ ] feed on me we're never explaining this so they pull up to a car in the middle of a row and the guys like knowing what's going on and they get out and then we see a guy like hold a throwing star and like just throw it and then we get a throwing like a scene of a throwing star on a string going across the guy's hand yeah they can falls on the ground it's great and then another guy like what's the [ __ ] you throw at him it was like it was like these throwing daggers yeah he throws these daggers and another guy like shoots a [ __ ] like dart out of his [ __ ] like like this pipe or whatever and it hits the guy round the face and then they run up to the guy in the car and they just [ __ ] like put their feet on the door of the mouth so he can't leave and then they pour gasoline on it and light it on fire why I don't know I don't either but it happened and you know what sometimes that's all you need you don't need explanations things just happen so now there we get is this war Mariana and the [ __ ] girl or in the yes this is when he orders the the scotch whiskey and yeah they go to a hotel and they start Mackin this is a new girl by the way I'm pretty sure it's the same woman from the beginning it's not pay pay not pay pay the woman in the meeting okay I am like 99% sure it's her I don't know why she has like a [ __ ] female boner for him but I digress they are Mackin already and she's just like I'm gonna go take a shower back and bath and he's like okay and so he orders room service needs like uh Scotch so some guy comes up with whiskey so can I just say this so scotch is a whiskey okay oh well all scotch is whiskey but not always key is scotch let me just say this because I am very mad at this because he orders scotch and gets Seagram's vo which is a Canadian blended whiskey that is mostly vodka but does does montalbán care no while Luigi does not care okay weary on does not care like Orion lucky Vaporeon does not care what kind of what kind of whiskey he gets but it is not scotch I just had to say that because and then some apparently this is this Scotch knocks Mike well it's we find and I mean okay we are both assuming this because it's never [ __ ] told to us but I'm we're assuming that it's laced because the guy who delivered it is with the other syndicate cuz he gets knocked out and then it knocks marker out and then and then the girl comes back in I guess the the the whole syndicate is standing around him yeah and then like then we see the other syndicate and they are talking about how they captured the guy and so there's like a party yep so they have a giant I need to see when we get the old man we see the old man which is just a young guy and very terrible old like old guy makeup yep and I've had in quotation the old guy make it because they didn't even try know what is good is hair they grade his hair and eyebrows that's it and whoever's doing the dubbing is has the magical ability to switch between an old-timey actor in every scene so it's like Marlon Brando Edward G Robinson Jimmy Stewart Clint Eastwood Marlon Brando Cary Grant Harry grant like everyone I just go through the rolodex Halle ol Newman James Dean like just go through the rolodex of like 50s to 60s actors yeah like it like famous fifties and sixties actors and like with like kind of odd more recognizable voice who are you not unique at yeah voices and then he does almost every voice because it's like you think like ok like Marlon Brando cuz somebody watched The Godfather and we're just like yeah [ __ ] it but then it just changes every goddamn scene so he's talking about how they captured him and then goes into a room and we see we see Marcus in a guillotine with with his lady and another guillotine and they put on a little timer and every minute this guillotine drops like an inch can't just say that um the the man who dubs one of the goombas is drunk yes you could barely understand what he's trying to say yeah well the timer they're gonna have a fun time when that timer runs out so so you have Mitchell and his and his whole have to sit there and watches the timer every minute it slowly drops the guillotine like a centimeter literally a centimeter so how does it supposed to cut their heads off is beyond me but who gives a [ __ ] because this is the mostess pencil scene ever Matthew doesn't give a [ __ ] cuz you know we've all had those movie scenes right we're like the main character main character is faced with death yes the most like the one that I thought of immediately was the one in Goldfinger oh yeah where the laser is when the lasers coming towards James Bond's method which is the ultimate insult yeah and he's like you expect me to talk no I expect you to die and that's like that's what I remind me here's the thing though but then you don't give a [ __ ] about Mario Mario is a piece of [ __ ] Moses is a piece of [ __ ] he's a [ __ ] [ __ ] he is a murderer a drunk of rapists and he doesn't know the difference between scotch and whiskey we mean that's the ultimate insult that is the ultimate insult he is a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] and it's like why again talking about wrong being wrong who the [ __ ] is why are we supposed to care that's my thing like why do we care I would have been fine if Mario just [ __ ] died right there yeah who gives a [ __ ] if Milo dies like yes our [ __ ] business [ __ ] him [ __ ] Malcolm [ __ ] Malik [ __ ] him so yeah we just have to sit there and be like oh it's so suspenseful and then so then Charles Bronson Charles Bronson shows up beats up the [ __ ] heads and then he like you kind of like there's like I'll let you go if you help me find the stash he's like I'll take all you can split the money or I can just take all the money for myself and you can die I'll find it either way but I'm offering you a chance to live like why is he why is he even doing this like why not just let him die right there I was like are we supposed to care about this I don't [ __ ] care no one cares about Manuel yeah well [ __ ] cares [ __ ] them but we're just like okay whatever and so then mike what's the timer run down until like like two seconds and the girls like freaking out because he's like please don't just tell them where it is just tell him please miles tell me hello miles and Marshall tell us Marshall tells finally is like okay I'll tell you and then Charles Bronson oh what halted but what would you find out is that the enemies are moving to another base in these snow hills they're moving to snow hill no one else that's not snow hills and snow hill yep and then we get the best your favorite scene in the whole movie please wish helicopter oh God so after they escaped and they have like a scene where he almost [ __ ] the woman right in front of Charles Bronson yeah cuz they were like laying low for a minute and they they get in the car and they start driving away Charles Bronson's being a third wheel while Muhammad and his ho a [ __ ] drink drink scotch whiskey and just [ __ ] around and then a helicopter shows up you know you remember remember that scene in From Russia With Love yeah with the helicopter in the car yes remember how intense that was yes or classic do you ever the scene in North by Northwest yes that wasn't him with the crop duster plane yeah like those great scenes but you see all of our lives we've been building up to this yeah we've been building up to a horribly shot scene of a horrible alcoholic and his pilot shooting at people and he cannot hit him I know I can't him because he's a [ __ ] alcoholic so the car stalls for no reason well this is after he shoots like 50 billion bullets at it and every alien aids like like it's literally like six grenades at him at the same time you can't hit him and then shooting you like violent like just this like all over the place and missiles they have to run away it doesn't even show why the car stalls it just stalls and we get like literally like five minutes of running on this plain ass plane you know what it looks like well a helicopter like doesn't really get them at all and he's like shooting right at them you what it looks like looks like a golf course how about every time the plane like the helicopter flies by like if not anywhere near them by the way yeah but it flies by and they drop they drop and he could clearly just shoot him on the ground right he doesn't he doesn't cuz he's a horrible alcohol and he throws more than me just makes them he eliminated clip by the way ya hit Bronson and and Marco he can't hit him and then eventually we're just like how is this gonna end and and then they pilot is like oh we gotta go we're out of gas I need like we can't let him escape and then they just leave they fly away they just leave because they're at a gas that thought ins what's the [ __ ] point and then Maria and Co or at just suddenly at a like a safe it's like a [ __ ] like I guess like a bed and breakfast or something I don't know but the girls Bronson knows the girl the he's making contact with the owner there yes but after he makes contact with her Mateo and the hoe yes I just I love oh my god yeah Maurice and his woman mister [ __ ] they start kissing and that started getting undressed we know it's a sex scene because it's filmed in red and blue and that's the sexiest [ __ ] so she is like writing him and then Martha Martha starts the suckin on them dem titties metroid stuck and then the girl starts sucking on dem team excuse me excuse me [ __ ] but this is after like five minutes of her Omar of Marvin suckin on the dip five minutes of it yeah I mean it just keeps it does not stop but hey she gets some tips - okay yeah I'm just glad when she starts sucking on his [ __ ] Milk Duds kidding I'm just glad we didn't have to see the shot of Magnus's [ __ ] Oh face again but oh my god my my favorite shot of all time is the strangest shot I can't even explain like I can't even explain how do we you said this Xena I just don't know it imagine the most Awkward sex scene in the planet and then just like after you have five minutes of titty suckin and then we get like it's like five seconds it's an off focus shot of like her riding him so okay so here it is so the shot is it's filming on mmm like this marzipan and he's like you can see him a clear view of just laying underneath right her it's showing like half of one ass cheek and a weird like in a weird side angle where her boob is like sort of there and then her arms are down like on both of his sides she was laying a [ __ ] marionette and he's like he's like he's sending his arms and like grabbing her hips and just like slowly people like like going looks up better and was like this is weird expression [ __ ] do it I don't even can you explain why it's so [ __ ] away it's just a [ __ ] like it doesn't look right it looks so wrong just like it doesn't like sexy at all like she looks like she's dead she looks like yeah like not just dead but like just like a lump yeah just and then he's just like staring into nothing it is not a flattering angle for her let me yeah me tell you and he's just like staring into nothing he's staring into the abyss well he's like moving her up and down but she's a fleshlight or something but apparently me a highly good at [ __ ] cuz I see Marvin is a sex goddess she starts like moaning for like two minutes straight I don't get it I don't get it I don't understand so yeah she just starts moaning for two minutes straight and then they're done they're done after well after this they like make out for like over and over um thankfully we don't have to see any more shots of Marcel's titties sucking face because that's good if I never have to see that again I'll be very happy it would be so happy but they're done and Oh a third kid oh man why did you forget something yes thank you so remember we give the stream sinks and then we get another flashback of Minh anza I hate coming like he like he fights the blind girl and like Oh after this yeah they like they meet on like a [ __ ] golf course yeah and and Marcel is like well she's like I've been waiting for you and he's like AHA I'll hurt you again and she's there with her well we just just we don't know it's her daughter which is the kid but she has her like on on it's like a leash yeah and she's like she's telling you where to go with the belt she like commands like her moves with the Bell which like I mean I I I'll guess I'll give the movie some credit I've never [ __ ] seen anything like this before in a martial arts movie but they start fighting she knocks him around a bit and then Matthias figures it out I mean he doesn't figure it out he just stops giving a [ __ ] he [ __ ] knocks the [ __ ] out of the little girl and kills her he meant manhole cover killed taking the little girl starts freaking out because she doesn't hear the bells anymore oh we should say he like he hindered her hearing by making like a Falcon noise yes yes yeah Myles got the Falcon powers so he did that [ __ ] to her and then he knocks the little girl the [ __ ] out and then we find out that she is the little girls the blind woman's daughter and so it's like okay now now you can add child murder to our main character's repertoire it's just yes great I mean we can add it to my cos report or yep it's just [ __ ] that's what you want exactly that's the [ __ ] so then we get go back and Mason is macking on the girl again and he's like in between her legs and she's like I'm the boss she'd like to enjoy come back with me she tells Mac come back with me to Hong Kong and be the boss oh and I'll be your boss and you'll be like the underboss or whatever the [ __ ] and then he like and then Martin is like like oh yeah I don't mind that at all what does he say he says oh man what does he say before he starts like going down on her I have he says something so [ __ ] cheesy but you know she probably a dictator the leader the king of the nether regions Marcus says that info yeah Mickey's gonna be the king of the nether regions there I I just don't [ __ ] know so then for no [ __ ] reason the blind woman is at we're at the safe house where this thing oh yeah over the body of the of the little girl I will grow that Miguel cool after Mazda killed her and she's just like talking to the Charles Bronson and he's just like he's just like oh did Michelin do this and yes minecraft I'll get mad ox for this and she just disappears a spoiler alert she never [ __ ] shows up again no cuz Marco doesn't get killed by that not a goddamn thing McDonald's does not get his comeuppance from her major gets his oh come up in some other way he has to get us some other way hi dad this [ __ ] movie so then the leaders move again so yeah and then the blind woman tells the dáil that there's a safe that they are trying to crack but it's stuck she says stuck but and so he goes in disguise with a hat and a mustache on the mustache it was even pasted wrong it's glued on wrong and he somehow they were just like like okay they needed a locksmith I guess so he goes in and he like cracks the code and then the drunk guy is like rips off the mustache takes off the Hat and they're like and then they take him to and they have another contraption for him yeah so he tries to fight him off and he gets captured and they they set him in this gas chamber and they're like give him some of that white what white no they have like it's like three lights and each one has like a different level of pain it'll give him whatever the [ __ ] that means so they they're like give him the the white light and see how much he likes that why how how much it hurts so he's like there's all this gas there and then [ __ ] macbeth shows up Murphy comes out of the see like the ceiling and just beats them up and also I'm before this he like beat up a bunch of the bad guys before this Morris yeah not Morris Charlie Bronson beat up a bunch of the bad guys before they caught him with with machine guns and they stick him in the gas room and then Milton comes in Milton comes in and turn he rescues him turns on all the switches and then Dale and Montgomery go go and try and like they're going to what do they do oh yeah so they get out of there and then we get a view of the new base jesus [ __ ] christ so we Jesus [ __ ] you right we get the old guy like closing his eyes I'm like going through this King mine it's a mine yeah and it's like on this crooked cart and he's like getting pushed through and then he goes to like a it's a it's a James Bond set they go through a door then they go through another door then they go through another door then they go through another door let me go through another door and then then they go through another door and after that another door and another door Wow two rolls on every door just like door door door door door door I mentioned that it looked it reminded me in one of those cartoons where like the person is like a very secretive and has like a secret vault but it has like all these doors and it's like supposed to be funny become all these doors are closing and that's how they like closed well it was funny but it was it was also the most mind-numbing garbage I've ever [ __ ] witnessed and they go there and yeah and then we see that um so Mac goes to Mac and Dale and the girl go to infiltrate yeah mars volta is now dressed up as Lawrence of Arabia with the other two and while the old man is having dinner with the other goombahs we're all talking about one of them already [ __ ] sir we have visitors tokyo city blah Blee blah blah and all dressed in like turban at first I was like confused I didn't think they were talking about them yes but then they show them and I'm just like wait that's what they look like warrants of Arabia but I love this scene because like immediately the drunk guys like roar and then like tears off the thing it knows they instantly are found out yeah this guy's has had nothing yeah no effect whatsoever [ __ ] moody blues and company are exposed are you taking about murder dark yeah well yeah Megadeth Marsten mm-hmm Waco Mordred McAuley McAuley maverick I think yeah I think was maverick you should get I don't know Milan thanks oh okay I think it was Milan come on me mace yeah please yeah you could get those are very similar they are I mean you know similar II would think it was Mario but you would think so but in each scene they they seem to add a different and letter to it it's true so I don't know it's it this is a movie about a man who can't get his [ __ ] name right that's what it is so memento mori and then they they like they beat the [ __ ] out of the group of people and then they go and before this before they beat them up conveniently they dragged the woman away yes and then McNabb and they'll beat em up and then they go into the cave and get a plan and makan is like we should go save I should go save her and dales like no you have to plan this bomb I'll go try and like I don't even know like he just so Dale just gives he gives he was Mick Jagger one of the moms McPherson the bomb and he's like set it for ten minutes and we have to get out of here and then Dale goes in to like try and then we get a torture scene so Dale goes thank God dude Dale goes in oh my god oh my god huh so Dale doesn't I don't know where Dale goes i kale goes to collect rocks and find a safe oh yeah berries in the rocks [ __ ] weird things and Madison goes into something to like set a bomb and then I get this torture scene of the the new syndicate boss strip the woman and they're whipping her and after they're done whipping her the guys like I know a couple things from my education and he takes out a sword and starts poking her in in her nether region yeah is that that's and they get we get this weird blurry scene of him holding the sword right in front of the camera that's a mean like jabs it towards it and she screams that's the scene that is the [ __ ] scene and I just and then so Malik Malik decided to set the bomb for like 20 minutes yeah because he needs more time to save his woman he does so motley crue runs back and Mallory comes into the living room and there's like like seize the woman and like gets all pissed off and fighting all these dick wads and then fights them fights them that's the choreography is bad it's it's filmed in like ridiculous close-ups and it's just [ __ ] goofy and [ __ ] and Dale takes out a couple more goombas unlock the safe and like gets out of the he also knocks out two guys with machine guns easily yeah he else it's magical because none of his hits look like they are even close to connecting but it doesn't matter he knocks him out so while then Mudvayne is is fighting around and he like kneels down and like just like punches a guy in like there's like this rumbling noise and we're just like did he like what what the freshing is maloney doing is he like crushing his balls so salami he we see him rip something and we're like what the [ __ ] then it shows man fred holding a like what you've been tested a bunch of intestines and in case he takes them and chokes the other goon with the assistance oh my god it's a [ __ ] joke so then the two like girls that were around the syndicate boss oh god get up and start fighting what they're taking out like super easily he doesn't even punch them he like punches the air and they're gone well the Freddie Mercury is just so [ __ ] awesome he doesn't have to punch them it's true and then the old man takes out a sword and it starts swinging it [ __ ] everywhere everywhere and we see like he like swings it and like hits the girl at some point and then they keep fighting and then he and then Manuel does his like his Falcon punch he activates his Falcon punch any any talks back and like punches the guy and there's like a perfect silhouette of the guys like outlined in the [ __ ] wall in the [ __ ] wall and he's gone and so just vanished so Marv looks at the looks looks a woman she's dead so he gets pissed off as they run out of the cave we'll don't forget as he's looking at her we hear someone say if you save her millions will die which has never been uttered in the entire no one ever said this no and how in like I guess she's a criminal but how the [ __ ] is her living gonna make millions of people die none of that's explained so he just runs away and then we get a scene of Dale fighting all the goombas that have this special oh my god is storing [ __ ] they use all of their specials and one of them I love one of their specials is he has a brick and he breaks it in half and throws the two halves in really a generic brick he breaks it in after and throw that that's the weapon all of them for other weapons gone Dale just avoids all of them and then he just jump around for a minute they jump around like [ __ ] Oompa Loompas or some [ __ ] and he just kicks the [ __ ] out of them and it's magical because at some point like he kicks one of them and he's faced like plants between a couple of trees there's one that he kicks him when he turns into another [ __ ] actor with different clothes on differently the guy's flying through the air nasal like a white like suit oh yeah and then he punches them to the ground me isn't like a blue suit on and you can tell it's a different yeah eventually be stash it up all these guys is they just kind of jump around him like idiots and then mushroom head comes out Marsden comes out of the cave and they're like together and you think like okay that's the end and we see we see a wonderful wonderful miniature oh yes so they're in the cave mind you the syndicate like headquarters is in a [ __ ] ice cave right yes but before you did see some shots of a building however it was not this building it was this building but there is a is a difference is the difference in the weather if there's no snow in the anywhere in the real shot of the real building it's there in the mountains there's snow but in the miniature it looks like spring like mid-july yeah it's fine there's nothing no snow whatsoever and they built this lovely miniature and they forgot to put [ __ ] snow and they blow it up and even have just left it white did they [ __ ] like blow it up and then notice after the fact like oh well I couldn't change it but oh oh oh there's a loss no I forgot yeah and they're like wait did you like as they're like about to blow it up the guys like um hey Billy did you forget the fake snow did you put the snow on there and they're like oh did you put that stuff well let's put it in the movie and then they were like everywhere like okay everything's fine I guess and then Charles Bronson is talking to Mazal Tom and he's like I will get you he's like I know I still have to get revenge upon I will get you just out of nowhere after they're like laughing about like how they got the [ __ ] he's just like change I will get you when he's like he's like mm-hmm I've learned a couple of techniques myself and then again another fight Manorville is like doing his like so snake [ __ ] cheetah claw no like he's trying to do this powerful move and then the other guy starts like like powering up - and turns into a Golden Buddha statue and and then you just get a still shot of Buddha versus a taxidermy Falcon ah it's just it's literally a still shot of a Golden Buddha next to a factory or me Falcon occasionally intercut with shots very out-of-focus shots of some guide like blowing a leaf blower and like wind going everywhere and then like sort of kicking each other so Buddha has wind powers and then eventually after all this nonsense he kicks him he does like three or four flying kicks towards him yeah well he's only well Charles Bronson kicks the [ __ ] at Walmart well Manny is on the ground yeah kicks him on the ground for Manos gets the [ __ ] kicked out of him and eventually he kicks him so hard that Manolo sprays blood on the ground and he's like you didn't kill me my own wicked ways did so no yeah and and then he just like drops I lost and then immediately like cut upbeat music yep doo-doo dee-dee-dee-dee and like we just see Dale carrying Maher [ __ ] Mario Manzo's [ __ ] dead body on like a sled on a sled and in like across like a mountain and he has the sack of money or whatever whatever was in there yeah he's like awkwardly pulling it and tripping in the snow and then it like it like zooms in on his face the other thing and he is like May the stupidest face possible and they freeze frame it schadenfreude and then the end but mind you that freeze frame lasts like a good 15 seconds yeah like tool or no [ __ ] reason and then freeze frame the end that's it I [ __ ] deadly kick Hey final thoughts I want to die um I I love this movie because I have no [ __ ] clue who the hell this was made for like what the intended audience for this would be who would enjoy this movie well any of it what I don't get it like I was talking my final thoughts are like who would actually like look watch this movie and think it's good yeah who would watch this um be like that's my stuff like nothing gets answered like nothing there's no like really really like okay scene in this they're all bad oh my god no everything in this movie I've never seen a movie that everything is wrong like literally every single second oh okay we have we seen a lot but every single second of this movie is just wrong like great nothing in this movie it doesn't get anything right the dubbing the acting the stunts no no I did it to get one thing right it had the most erotic sex scene but my god I'm sorry but I I enjoyed this movie for how bad it was oh this is ludicrous it is so ridiculously bad that I can't help but like enjoy at least some of it there is just one thing I have to go over looks like our audience today because it's I think it's important but before while I get this information this classified information pulled up yeah it's it's possibly the most insane martial arts movie reversing and just how [ __ ] like I would go as far to say it is the most insane martial arts movie I've ever seen it's possibly the this is one of the dumbest [ __ ] movies I've ever seen in my life yeah full-stop saying something because look at the movies we watched on this it makes so little sense and not because it's like intelligent or too [ __ ] smart it's just stupid it is just stupid it's like they didn't think at all when they were making this that not a single frame of this [ __ ] garbage make sense well like and you can't even blame like a lot of the voice actors because if even if you took out the dubbing and just like heaven that's original language it would still be goddamn stupid I have the confidential information well what the plot synopsis oh god this is the pause synopsis that we have courtesy of IMDB and also courtesy of Amazon Prime video we were the one that didn't happen yes which is where you can view this masterpiece in the comfort of your own home yep it's free with Prime watch it with your loved one I would recommend watching this movie if you just like to laugh and just horribly awful garbage fires of mrs. if you need to spice up your love life oh my god watch that sex scene you'll get so turned on you'll never be more turned on by titty second and awkward marionette sex actually you know what Alex after this podcast is done recording I'm gonna need a minute alone just a minute in the studio a minute and don't come in if you hear that woman moaning Kay cuz it's fine nothing's going on nothing No gotcha that's totally chainable okay we all have our our desires there yeah my final thoughts are just simple this is a garbage fire of a movie and I enjoyed it I enjoyed the hell out of it so the plot synopsis a policeman and his girlfriend are suspected of leaking information about a sensitive case involving an organization of communists now never haven't um please tell me which [ __ ] word of that happened none of it a policeman and his girlfriend wrong because there's not even the policeman I'm pretty sure Dale is a policeman they're just they did a really [ __ ] [ __ ] job of telling us but he is he doesn't got a girlfriend though no he does not have a girlfriend the girlfriend is the bad guy who was not a policeman unless she's with mark on unless for some ungodly reason macaca is a policeman but that's never shown ever ever ever so I call [ __ ] now are suspected of leaking information about a sensitive case no no they never leak any information oh nothing being leaked there's no [ __ ] information about a sensitive case no no it's not a sensitive case everyone's looking about oh so the kid everyone seems to know including Dale yeah involving an organization of Communists no never even showed they were communist they're just generic drug lords one who's run by a [ __ ] a man with severe aging the Benjamin Button disease he's got something man but it only affects his hair yeah you agree and sometimes his voice but that's not the movie no that's not the [ __ ] movie the movie we watched I can tell you the plot who wrote this tune OPS's i don't wait to see here I don't [ __ ] know that's not the movie though I can tell you the part of the movie we watched if I had to write it out it would be a piece of [ __ ] gets signed on to do shenanigans and shenanigans occur and the end piece of [ __ ] gets what he deserves of young just just this do you member them would you remember um dozen offices for help me I possessed yes it like rode out a bunch of [ __ ] that only happened in the first ten minutes and then it just said complications and sooo this movie just write out like the only thing just complication here piece of [ __ ] a drunk gets recruited by a criminal organization complications in soup that's it yes that's it that's it there's nothing that's her main character yeah he's on the poster he's an [ __ ] he's on the [ __ ] like are we supposed to root for him no I mean we I mean we didn't but I did not are you supposed to do cuz that's [ __ ] dumb yeah that's [ __ ] dumb like this is like he didn't redeem himself but boy and it's not like a drama where it's like you know about a [ __ ] up character this isn't this isn't Henry portrait of a serial killer it's deadly kick yeah it's a [ __ ] hour and a half time wasted martial arts garbage go watch it just please on crime go watch it let us know what you think it is on YouTube now I cannot guarantee you that the YouTube has the fully uncensored sexiness if it doesn't go on [ __ ] Prime and you watch it you need to see that I want your ass angle to stare into [ __ ] maroon5 space as he [ __ ] if he just brings this woman up and down this plush light on his this human flesh light on his artist waist go watch it please please if anything just go out to that theme yeah just yeah just tell people it's for research okay and then tell us who you told and what your story was of watching that movie please please tell us how how soft did it make you like I said I reverted yeah please tell us how far you reverted and how like how much therapy you think you'll need to get over that so I might need a lot well after all the movies we watched I may be like irreversibly damaged but that's fine and I think I ended there yeah all right as always this has been will and this has been Alex we are they mostly coming at night and we will talk to you all later it's a me a Mario marzipan mazelTov Marcone Marco Polo Makar Cochrane Marcin you know