Original subtitles

Thank you for bringing me here.

That's the thing.

If you caught one squirrel, you caught every squirrel.

You know what I mean? Just like that.

[Camila laughing]

[Emily] Are you kidding me? PDA in the parking lot.

Gross.

Why isn't this working?

Ow!

Hey guys. Look who wanted to check out the office.

Hi. I just wanted to say hi.

So nice to meet you. Wow, you're so hot.

[laughs] Oh, thank you.

- [Patel] Hi. - Camila.

So, uh, we came in

'cause Camila and I have a big announcement. We...

Hey.

What happened to your hand?

What? Oh, nothing. No, I just have a paper cut.

What's the... what's the announcement?

With that much blood? There's a lot of blood.

That doesn't seem right.

Yeah, that's just how I bleed. What is the big announcement?

So Shred and I are having a paella dinner tonight

and we would love for all of you to come.

Oh! [laughs] That was a big ramp-up for paella.

A rice-based dish with gifts from the sea.

I'm in.

Yeah, me too.

Yay.

Emily?

Well, look at this.

Shred has brought a friendly face in

for his 10-week performance review.

Lovely to meet you. I've heard great things.

Patel, you wanna do that thing we rehearsed?

Yeah, I changed my mind.

May I?

Sure.

Dead man! Dead man walking!

We got a dead man walking here!

He's gonna be fine.

Take it easy on him.

He didn't get much sleep last night.

[laughs]

Oh! I bet he didn't 'cause of you guys.

Should we start the performance review?

Emily, what about tonight?

Come on, I won't take no for an answer.

No.

Kidding, um... that was a joke.

I, um... yeah. I would love to come.

Okay.

You have blood on your face.

It's just...

It's just a little bit there, to the left.

I'm just gonna go, uh, wash my face right now.

So... excuse me.

[opening title theme song]

♪

♪

Hmm. Incident 40.

On the 27th the same catch pole was left by the trainee

in the Walgreens parking lot.

Okay. Uh... could you just call me Shred?

Said trainee is under the impression that catch poles

are cheap disposable tools,

when, in fact, they cost $285 a piece before engraving.

Okay, I think we have enough specifics.

Uh... should we just wrap this up?

I'm sorry. Am I actually gonna get fired?

It is the recommendation of this senior officer

that we extend said trainee's 10-week probationary period

by another 10 weeks.

Is this normal?

No.

Congratulations, Shred. This is good news.

And you owe us four catch poles.

Okay.

[Dispatch] Truck 8. Report of a dead sturgeon

that needs to be removed from Memorial Bridge.

Nuh-uh.

No. I don't wanna pick up a rotting fish.

I got this.

Truck 8 responding. We're nowhere near the vicinity.

[Dispatch] There's a GPS transponder on your truck.

Yeah.

Standby.

Seriously?

Uh, Dispatch...

Memorial Bridge is in the Department of

Fish and Game jurisdiction

so we have to cede to their authority.

Yeah.

[Dispatch] Not the southern half where the carcass is.

Truck 8 responding.

[Dispatch] Thank you.

Listen, I didn't wanna say anything in front of Emily

because I think these things should be kept in the truck.

But regarding the whole performance review thing,

I also have some thoughts.

And you're sure you wanna say those thoughts out loud?

It's about your mentorship style.

You tend to focus on the negative.

Oh, well that's because you always give me

such an unbelievable multi-course meal of screw-ups.

Like when you left the raccoon crate open

or forgot about the popsicle in the glove compartment.

You did that one twice.

But, see why do you have this list

of all my mistakes in your head?

Why not a list of all the things I do awesome?

You know what? You're right.

That's on me.

I'm gonna need more time.

[Patel] Oh!

[Victoria] Oh God!

Are you telling me there's not one bear

that could've taken this off our hands?

Come on bears!

Good thing my olfactory senses have been deadened

from years of changing diapers.

Oh, man.

Nope. I smell the whole thing. Ugh!

This thing's huge.

How are we supposed to put it in the back of our truck?!

Maybe we don't have to.

It would be really nice to stick it to Fish and Game.

Maybe we could drag this thing

a dozen feet north into their jurisdiction.

I like it.

We stick it to those cocky bastards.

Yeah, with their helicopters

and their incredible health insurance.

With their stupid Instagram.

It's like, I get it, you track elk.

Right? Hey, so are you actually gonna help me lift this?

Or do you still have "back issues"?

I do have back issues.

Do you need to see a scan of my C-4?

I don't need to see a scan of your C-4,

I've seen you carry two cases of beer.

Again with the barbecue?

I told you, that was pure adrenaline.

I don't wanna do this now.

Let's... let's pick up the fish.

[flies buzzing]

Ugh!

[groans] Oh... you reek.

You've been here long enough for rigor-mortis to set in.

[retching]

Here, chuck it here.

Hoo!

[sirens chirp]

Oh, no. Fish and Game.

How did they get ATVs?

- [Patel] What the...? - [drone buzzing]

Cancel the drone.

We get it, you got a lotta toys.

The boys get a little squirrelly

after a week in the high country.

Just having a little fun.

So there's the fish.

We were tracking poachers about nine clicks due south,

by the ridge-line.

Cool.

So there's the fish.

Prescription. Our insurance covers them now.

[weak laugh]

Yeah. Whatever.

Well look, it looks like it's, uh,

unfortunately on your side of the bridge.

Yeah, it's on our side. We got it.

Okay.

Thanks for babysitting it until we got here.

Good to see you again, Leslie.

That was so satisfying.

They get free glasses?

Apparently.

Listen. I've had a lot of coaches

so I know what works for me and I think I can help you out.

So you could mentor my mentoring?

Yeah. I used to have this one coach from Croatia, Madric,

before he critiqued me he would always leave

with something I did... well.

[Dispatch] Truck 12. Report of a very aggressive attack dog.

2929 West 53rd Street. Seattle PD can't handle it.

Truck 12 responding.

Hey man, you really nailed your "Truck 12 responding".

The timbre of your voice was assertive but not insistent.

Real kudos to you.

Okay.

Sarcasm is another thing

I wanted to bring up to your attention

but I have been working on my radio voice... so thank you.

[Officer] Here they come in their big puffy suits.

What do we got, boys?

It's a lawyer from Panama, got arrested for money laundering.

He's got an attack dog you're too scared to deal with?

- It's crazy looking, man. - Some sort of mastiff.

Looks like it should be guarding the gates of hell.

We got it from here, you guys take a break.

Oh, that's right, you already are.

- [Frank] You ready? - [Shred] Let's do it.

[Frank] Alright.

[Officer] Fifty bucks they don't fit through the front door.

[both chuckling]

- You getting this? - Oh yeah.

[Shred] They're mocking us, Frank.

[Frank] They're mocking you, Shred. I look incredible.

Ow!

What are you doing?

Oh, yeah. Just updating and collating

our emergency preparedness manual. So...

Did you cut your hand again there?

No. Well... uh... well, yeah.

Just a few paper cuts.

Maybe you're not handling paper properly.

Uh huh.

[sniffing]

What are you doing? Um...

Yeah, you guys smell like fish.

Yeah.

Oh, we moved a whopper off the bridge today. It was...

Right, right. The sturgeon.

What did you... what did you guys end up doing with that?

We bagged it.

And we... we took it to the City Disposal Area per protocol.

Oh, great. Did you guys see anybody up there?

Oh yeah, yeah. There were hikers.

One of them had a man bun.

She knows.

Oh.

Yeah. Fish and Game called me.

I can't believe you guys moved a carcass to another jurisdiction.

Okay, it was like four meters. Nothing.

Not a big deal.

Victoria, I know that's really 12 feet.

And you do not dump work on other agencies.

Okay, they're really condescending though.

They called us dead fish babysitters.

Oh, yeah, that's unfortunate.

But what, you're just gonna stoop to their level?

Why take the high road?

The low road has less traffic.

Oh, I mean that's... that's gonna go viral.

That's good.

[siren whoops]

- What is...? - Who is it?

[flies buzzing]

No! They did what we did to them back to us.

Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong.

What? No. No.

You two are taking this fish directly

to the City Disposal Area per protocol.

Is that clear?

Crystal clear.

Fine, boss.

Nope.

I think it's endearing how she actually believes us.

- Right? She's the best. - Yeah.

[sniffing]

[yell] Whoo!

Whoo doggy!

- Yeah. - Whoo!

[Frank] Come on out, pooch!

We got a bucket of bloody meat in the truck for you.

[Shred] Just here for a spot of tea.

Clear... clear to the left.

That's a really nice fireplace.

- [Frank] Is it clear? - [Shred] It's clear.

[Frank] I'll check in here.

[Shred] Whoa! I think this is a safe room.

[dog barking]

[Shred] It's him!

[Frank] Oh, doggy.

[snarling and barking]

[Frank] Get in the room! Get in the room!

- Get in the room! - Close it! Close it!

[door slams shut] [dog barking]

[Frank] The hallway is officially not clear!

[Shred] That dog is pissed.

[vicious barking]

[Officer] It's been 10 minutes.

I hope they're doing okay in there

in their big puffy suits.

[vicious barking]

I've never been in a panic dressing room.

Okay. I get a smidge claustrophobic,

I should probably come clean about that.

Important contacts.

Lawyer. Accountant. Soul Cycle instructor.

- Hmm. Oh, hold on. - What?

Dante information.

A-word, victory. R-word, tranquillo.

Dante's the dog.

Dante! Is that right? Are you Dante?

[vicious barking]

What is this room made out of? There's very little air.

And why aren't the ceilings higher?

A is for attack, R is for release.

If you say victory, he attacks.

If you say tranquillo, Dante should stand down.

I feel like it's tranquillo.

No, it's tranquillo.

I took Spanish in community college.

Okay. I have an actual Spanish girlfriend

that yells at me in Spanish all the time.

Dude. It's tranquillo. I'm going for it.

Dude, I'm not 100 percent on this

but I don't think you're rolling your R's enough.

[dog growling]

[dog growling]

Tranquillo.

Nailed it.

Oh!!! It's got me!

Frank! Frank!

- It's going to kill me! - Frank!

It's got me! Help!!!

Help! Help! Help me. It's gonna eat me!

[Frank] It's a hellhound! It is not of this realm!

[Victoria] This thing is getting so heavy.

[Patel] Hurry! Hurry! Go, go, go!

[Victoria] Look at all their stuff.

Oh, my God, they've got a sauna!

What? Whose taxes are paying for that?

In here.

Ahhhh!

- Put it up here. - Right here.

Oh!

- [loud beep] - Over there. Pick it up.

[security radio] All officers be advised.

Possible security breach in sector Foxtrot One.

[In hallway] - Right this way...!

Go! Go!

[dog chewing]

That could've been my arm.

Yeah.

He's going to town on that thing.

It's like kibble to him.

It's probably because the suit smells like

every dog and cat we've ever captured.

We gotta change our scent.

We gotta smell like the owner. We gotta smell like money, man.

I'm putting on the silks.

[Frank] Yeah, good call.

Take off the huge protective suit

and ensconce yourself in that impenetrable kevlar-like material, silk.

See? This is exactly what I'm talking about.

I come up with a good idea and you shoot it down

without even trying.

But if it's a bad idea, which it is, we could end up dead.

Put your clothes back on.

No! I'm putting on his musk.

Please don't. I can't stand that...

Oh. I usually hate cologne but that has some really good notes.

I know. It smells good.

This is a good idea and you should do it with me, man.

It's gonna work

and I think it would be a big step for you mentor-wise.

Would you please stop implying

that this is a two-way learning process?

It's infuriating.

Frank, I'm going out there with or without you.

Okay.

Which is it?

Without.

Sometimes it takes a horrific mauling

to learn from your mistakes.

This is probably your mauling.

Open the door.

On my count. One... two...

Are you seriously not going out there with me?

I mean, you would look so good in the black.

Three.

[dog growling]

Hey. You smell that?

That's right, I'm a global money laundering master.

I would do an accent

but I don't know how to do one in a way that's not offensive.

Frank! Frank! I got him. I did it!

Victory!

[Frank] No!

[dog barking]

It's tranquillo! Tranquillo!

[in Spanish accent] Tranquillo!

Shred?

[Shred] It worked!

You died?

[laughing]

It worked.

Wow. I guess that's two vi...

[dog growling]

...moments of success I've had here today.

Hey.

Patel still cleaning up?

Yeah. He gets dinged if he comes home smelling like fish.

Hey. Is everything all good with you?

With me? Oh yeah, totally. Why?

I don't know.

You were just really collating earlier

and you've got all these paper cuts.

I don't know, you just kinda seem like something's up.

Oh. Um... Yeah. Yeah.

I don't wanna go to this dinner tonight.

I don't really wanna go and eat Camila's freakin' paella

and just watch her and Shred be

all international snowboard lovers, so...

Oh, my God.

I must be more self-involved than I thought.

I had no idea you had a thing for Shred.

Oh... oh no, I don't... um, anymore.

I mean, I did, like... like, no, I definitely did.

But, um... no, then she came back and she's, like,

off the charts amazing, so.

Yeah.

I'm just kinda, like, in my head about it.

So maybe that means I do still like him.

I don't know.

Oh, man. Yeah.

That can't be easy. But she's so gorgeous.

Yeah.

And, like, really cool and nice and fun.

She seems like a cool chick.

Yeah. And she's a pro athlete, so.

Yeah.

I don't wanna be around any of that.

Hey, um, why don't you just bail tonight?

I could vouch for you.

You know, say you had a tummy thing.

Everyone knows that you barf easy.

How do you think that would look?

Honestly, probably like a bail so, uh...

Yeah.

Oh, why don't we get a few drinks beforehand

and show up a bit wasted?

I mean, I wish there was another way, but...

Well, I will be there tonight

so if it gets totally unbearable,

just give me a signal.

And then we can get outta there together.

It'll be our little cover.

[laughs] Okay.

Really?

Yeah.

Okay, thank you. Thank you.

I do think that you should head home and freshen up though.

- Yeah. - Change those bandages.

God, I am just not clotting today. So...

Yeah, get some fresh ones on.

Yeah. Stop by the doctor.

Okay. Maybe stitches.

[dog panting]

You wanna take this guy on a perp walk?

Yeah, you wanna put your uniform back on?

No, no. I think it'd be baller to go out there like this.

You know, the cops are going to be filming it.

Dressed like a tablecloth?

Dude, I look good.

Also, I'm still waiting for it.

What?

The "good job, Shred". "You killed it".

"Your outside the box thinking really came through".

I don't teach like that.

Come on, man.

What's the point of all this?

It's like you're trying to demoralize me into leaving.

Is that what you want, you want me to quit?

No, I don't want you to quit.

Then make me feel like we're in this together, Frank.

I don't know how to do it any other way.

It's me, Shred. Come on.

Well, what if we saw this as a teachable mentor moment?

It's hard to take you seriously dressed like that

but I'm thinking about it.

[Spanish hip hop music]

♪

♪

It's here!

- [Emily] Oh, my God. - [Victoria] Oh, my gosh.

[Victoria] Wow.

[Frank] I hope there's another one of those.

Amazing.

Thank you for doing this.

Of course.

You know, I made Shred seat us next to each other.

Oh?

I'm really excited to get to know you

and a little nervous, to be honest.

Why... why are you nervous?

[glass clinking]

[Patel] I'd like to make a toast, everyone.

Uh... first of all, Camila, thank you so much for having us.

This paella looks delicious.

And might I add,

the paella is not the only dish being served today.

Fish and Game also received

a nice, big plate of how do you like me now?

What?

Oh, nothing. Never mind.

What is he on?

Wait, so why... why were you nervous to meet me?

It's... it's just the way that Shred...

[Frank] You know what?

If we're giving speeches, uh, then I think it's my turn.

Really? I feel like we should just dig in

'cause that looks amazing.

Yeah. Let's not really do toasts,

let's just let conversations evolve, you know?

Did you guys not eat today?

Because I would like to direct this

at Camila's much, much lesser half,

who actually had a halfway decent day in the field.

He single-handedly captured a 149-pound mastiff

and then wore the hell out of some silk pajamas.

I would like to recommend my trainee,

from here on out, be known as Shred.

[Victoria] Woohoo!

He is off probation and is granted junior officer status.

[all cheering]

- Cheers! - Cheers.

I would like to propose a toast myself.

To Frank, who might just turn out to be a pretty good mentor.

But he's not quite there

so I recommend extending his mentor probation period.

Uh... mentor probation? That's not a thing.

Show of hands who thinks mentor probation should be a thing.

[Victoria] I'm in.

What a bunch of Judas'. Guess who's back on probation?

Yes, my trainee everyone. I pull my recommendation.

So... so you were saying something about Shred

and you being nervous and then you...

Oh no, it's stupid. I'm just being insecure.

It's just that you can tell by the way he talks about you

that he thinks you're really great.

Oh.

And then I met you and you're, like, radiant.

Okay, I... I don't know about that.

I don't know that I radiate.

You do. Trust me.

I think they're waiting for the host to tell them they can eat.

Oh my God, of course. Let's eat.

I'm gonna start with you.

[siren whoops]

- [Shred] What is that? - [Victoria] Wait. What?

Oh!!!!!

- [scream] - [glass shattering]

What the hell is that?

That's the overwhelming smell of defeat.

Oh, Jeez!

[exhales] Oh!

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