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1
00:00:03,215 --> 00:00:06,183
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh... oh, my God.
2
00:00:06,185 --> 00:00:09,019
Oh... Oh, my God, Jenny!
Oh, my God.
3
00:00:09,021 --> 00:00:10,420
Yeah. Oh...
Oh, my God.
4
00:00:10,422 --> 00:00:13,023
Oh, my God.
5
00:00:13,025 --> 00:00:15,259
Oh, Jenny!
Give it to me.
6
00:00:15,261 --> 00:00:16,793
Give it to me,
Jenny.
7
00:00:16,795 --> 00:00:18,829
Just give it to her
already.
8
00:00:24,869 --> 00:00:25,769
Hey.
9
00:00:25,771 --> 00:00:27,404
Hey. Couldn't sleep, either?
10
00:00:27,406 --> 00:00:30,474
No. Jenny and her friend
are crazy in there.
11
00:00:30,476 --> 00:00:33,277
Have you ever made
a woman scream like that?
12
00:00:33,279 --> 00:00:34,344
Once.
13
00:00:34,346 --> 00:00:36,213
I hit her with my car.
14
00:00:36,215 --> 00:00:37,881
It sounded like Jenny hit her
15
00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:41,151
and then backed over her again.
16
00:00:41,153 --> 00:00:42,786
And then hit her,
17
00:00:42,788 --> 00:00:45,155
a-and then...
backed over her again.
18
00:00:46,591 --> 00:00:48,525
And then hit her...
19
00:00:48,527 --> 00:00:50,360
and then backed over her again.
20
00:00:50,362 --> 00:00:53,630
I counted eight orgasms,
not including mine.
21
00:00:53,632 --> 00:00:54,998
Hey, that's my niece.
Oh, yeah,
22
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,968
and out of respect to you,
I only listened to her friend.
23
00:00:57,970 --> 00:01:00,103
Yeah, me, too.
24
00:01:01,172 --> 00:01:03,307
Hey, how about
this weekend we go out
25
00:01:03,309 --> 00:01:05,475
and find some women
and make 'em scream?
26
00:01:06,344 --> 00:01:08,178
In-in your imagination,
27
00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:11,415
are they running away from you
or towards you?
28
00:01:11,417 --> 00:01:12,983
You know what I mean.
29
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,185
Let's go out
and find some strange.
30
00:01:15,187 --> 00:01:18,388
I'm looking at some strange.
31
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,290
Besides, I can't.
32
00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:22,159
My mom's got a charity dinner
this weekend.
33
00:01:22,161 --> 00:01:24,027
Oh, she's still trying
to help the monkeys?
34
00:01:24,029 --> 00:01:27,264
Yeah, she's raising money
to expand her sanctuary
35
00:01:27,266 --> 00:01:30,400
for helpless creatures
that nobody else wants.
36
00:01:30,402 --> 00:01:32,102
Kind of like what I do for you.
37
00:01:32,104 --> 00:01:34,605
Will there be any
single ladies there
38
00:01:34,607 --> 00:01:36,506
looking to use those
opposable thumbs?
39
00:01:36,508 --> 00:01:39,343
You know, swing on my vine,
peel my banana.
40
00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:41,011
Well, there might be a few there
41
00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:43,213
that want to throw
their poop at you.
42
00:01:43,215 --> 00:01:45,782
Mm, sounds like a good cause;
I'll buy a ticket.
43
00:01:45,784 --> 00:01:48,752
They're a thousand
dollars apiece.
44
00:01:48,754 --> 00:01:51,955
Can I borrow $998?
45
00:01:51,957 --> 00:01:53,156
Hey.
46
00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:55,058
Hey.
Hey.
47
00:01:59,598 --> 00:02:01,031
That'll work.
48
00:02:01,866 --> 00:02:03,233
You know what they say:
49
00:02:03,235 --> 00:02:07,137
once you go Black & Decker,
you never go back.
50
00:02:07,139 --> 00:02:09,706
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
51
00:02:09,708 --> 00:02:12,409
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
52
00:02:12,434 --> 00:02:16,434
♪ Two and a Half Men 11x06 ♪
Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
Original Air Date on November 7, 2013
53
00:02:16,459 --> 00:02:21,459
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
54
00:02:24,194 --> 00:02:26,095
Hey! Look at you.
55
00:02:26,097 --> 00:02:28,097
Where are you going
in that monkey suit?
56
00:02:28,099 --> 00:02:29,799
A benefit.
57
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:31,834
For monkeys.
58
00:02:33,136 --> 00:02:34,737
How do I look?
59
00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:37,073
Like you should be
on top of a cake.
60
00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:38,941
Let me guess: you're the cake.
61
00:02:38,943 --> 00:02:43,612
No, I'm the one that gets
to blow out the candle.
62
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:49,552
Oh, when did we install
a mirror in here?
63
00:02:49,554 --> 00:02:51,087
Tell the truth, Berta,
64
00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:52,822
you ever seen
two better-looking guys?
65
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,223
No.
66
00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:55,691
Yes.
67
00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,229
Oh. That must be my date.
68
00:03:02,032 --> 00:03:04,367
Hi, honey.
You look amazing.
69
00:03:04,369 --> 00:03:07,003
Oh, you look so handsome.
70
00:03:07,005 --> 00:03:08,537
Wow, nice job, Walden.
71
00:03:08,539 --> 00:03:09,972
Where'd you two meet?
72
00:03:09,974 --> 00:03:12,074
Kind of a "meet cute."
73
00:03:12,076 --> 00:03:13,743
I shot out of her.
74
00:03:13,745 --> 00:03:15,578
Jenny, this is
my mom, Robin.
75
00:03:15,580 --> 00:03:18,247
Mom, this is my new
roommate, Jenny.
76
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:19,915
Oh, well, it's
a pleasure to meet you.
77
00:03:19,917 --> 00:03:21,517
Alan,
78
00:03:21,519 --> 00:03:23,085
does this mean
you finally moved out?
79
00:03:26,223 --> 00:03:27,823
No, no, no,
Jenny's my niece.
80
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:29,191
She's staying
in Jake's room.
81
00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:32,461
Well, I have my charity,
you have yours.
82
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,931
I can see where Walden
gets his pretty face.
83
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,266
Aren't you sweet?
84
00:03:37,268 --> 00:03:38,501
He's single, you know.
85
00:03:38,503 --> 00:03:40,736
I know. Are you?
86
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:44,206
Okay. All right, let's...
87
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:47,276
go save some monkeys.
88
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,413
Really?
89
00:03:50,415 --> 00:03:51,947
Hey, just 'cause
you came out of it
90
00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:54,550
doesn't mean
I don't want to get into it.
91
00:03:58,422 --> 00:04:01,090
They call
these martinis?
92
00:04:01,092 --> 00:04:04,026
The only thing they're saving
the monkeys from are DUI's.
93
00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:06,829
You like that one?
94
00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:11,133
No, I was just picturing
a drunk monkey driving a car.
95
00:04:12,302 --> 00:04:14,103
Walden.
Mm.
96
00:04:14,105 --> 00:04:15,404
Oh.
97
00:04:15,406 --> 00:04:17,973
That woman with your mom
looks just like Lynda Carter.
98
00:04:20,445 --> 00:04:21,744
That is Lynda Carter.
99
00:04:21,746 --> 00:04:22,978
Really?
100
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:24,947
Wait, wait, T-TV's
Wonder Woman?
101
00:04:24,949 --> 00:04:26,482
The jewel of
Paradise Island?
102
00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:30,019
The-the shining crusader for justice
and star-spangled hot pants?
103
00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:32,321
I-I just call her Lynda.
104
00:04:32,323 --> 00:04:35,691
And I just lost the cleaning
deposit on this tux.
105
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:36,892
Walden.
106
00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:38,761
Lynda, you look amazing.
107
00:04:38,763 --> 00:04:41,464
Oh, my God.
The last time we saw each other,
108
00:04:41,466 --> 00:04:43,165
you barely came up to here.
109
00:04:43,167 --> 00:04:45,835
I remember those... days.
110
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,804
Introduce me.
111
00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:51,073
Robin, you told me
he was successful,
112
00:04:51,075 --> 00:04:53,509
but you didn't tell me
how gorgeous he is.
113
00:04:53,511 --> 00:04:56,011
Well, it takes
a gorgeous person to know one.
114
00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:59,615
No, it doesn't. I'm Alan.
115
00:04:59,617 --> 00:05:01,417
Hi.
116
00:05:01,419 --> 00:05:04,443
This is Alan Harper.
He lives with Walden.
117
00:05:04,468 --> 00:05:05,188
Oh, well, it's lovely
118
00:05:05,189 --> 00:05:06,355
to meet you.
119
00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:09,258
My gay fans have always been
my biggest supporters.
120
00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,527
Oh, oh, no, no, I-I'm not gay.
121
00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:14,230
Oh, I'm sorry.
Transgender?
122
00:05:15,132 --> 00:05:17,066
I told you the hormones
weren't working.
123
00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:20,336
He's kidding.
Uh, I-I am very straight.
124
00:05:20,338 --> 00:05:23,706
In fact, the longer I look
at you the straighter I become.
125
00:05:23,708 --> 00:05:26,575
Well, if you'll excuse us,
I'm gonna start a fund
126
00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:29,512
to, um, save Lynda
from this conversation.
127
00:05:29,514 --> 00:05:31,680
It's lovely to meet you.
128
00:05:31,682 --> 00:05:34,984
And it was "wonder-ful"
meeting you.
129
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,720
That's funny. I've never
heard that one before.
130
00:05:37,722 --> 00:05:39,421
Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
131
00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:41,924
Call me.
132
00:05:44,461 --> 00:05:47,363
What the hell are you doing?
133
00:05:47,365 --> 00:05:51,000
Sorry, I just wanted to put
my mouth where her mouth was.
134
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:53,502
And I also wanted to thank
you for a lovely evening.
135
00:05:58,308 --> 00:05:59,441
Morning.
136
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,010
Mm. I got to tell you,
137
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,913
you gave me a night
that I will never forget.
138
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,617
Don't ever say that to me again.
139
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,818
I'm serious.
Meeting Lynda Carter was
140
00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:11,587
one of the greatest moments
of my life.
141
00:06:11,589 --> 00:06:13,289
I mean, she was
my first celebrity crush.
142
00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:15,324
I had a poster of her
that looked like
143
00:06:15,326 --> 00:06:18,060
the bottom of a birdcage.
144
00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:22,431
On behalf of Lynda Carter
and the rest of humanity...
145
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,233
yuck.
146
00:06:24,235 --> 00:06:26,802
You know, it's not just about
how beautiful she was.
147
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,371
I mean, she's multitalented.
I mean, I had all of her albums,
148
00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,473
I-I-I've seen everything
she's ever done.
149
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:32,875
How?
150
00:06:32,877 --> 00:06:35,444
Were you hiding outside
her house in a bush?
151
00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:42,251
Lynda Carter's bush.
152
00:06:44,087 --> 00:06:46,222
Hey, you know, she's single.
153
00:06:46,224 --> 00:06:47,456
And?
154
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,191
And?
155
00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:51,026
Set me up with her.
156
00:06:51,028 --> 00:06:54,463
Can't I just... get
you a new poster?
157
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,833
I'll laminate it.
158
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,935
Come on, come on.
159
00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:02,338
I-I-I have been in love with
Lynda Carter for my whole life,
160
00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:05,174
and because you know her
and I know you,
161
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:06,875
I actually have a shot.
162
00:07:06,877 --> 00:07:08,310
I mean, this is fate.
163
00:07:08,312 --> 00:07:10,012
This is probably
why my brother died.
164
00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:12,481
You said fate
killed your brother
165
00:07:12,483 --> 00:07:14,617
so you could get
that espresso machine.
166
00:07:14,619 --> 00:07:16,352
Come on!
167
00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:17,953
I'll see what I can do.
168
00:07:17,955 --> 00:07:19,154
Really?
169
00:07:19,156 --> 00:07:20,723
Yeah. Just don't
get your hopes up.
170
00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:22,224
Oh, of course not.
171
00:07:22,226 --> 00:07:23,826
Thank you.
172
00:07:25,228 --> 00:07:28,130
Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome to the dance floor,
173
00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:31,033
for the first time
as man and wife...
174
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:34,003
Mr. and Mrs. Lynda Carter.
175
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,045
Okay, great.
All right, we'll see you soon.
176
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,347
Hey.
177
00:07:46,182 --> 00:07:47,549
Was that her?
178
00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:48,717
Who?
179
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,487
♪ Wonder Woman!
180
00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:55,724
♪ For your friend,
Alan Harper! ♪
181
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:56,992
What are you doing?
182
00:07:56,994 --> 00:07:59,028
Oh, it's the Wonder Woman
theme song.
183
00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,963
♪ Wonder Woman!
184
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:04,533
♪ You're a wonder,
Wonder Woman! ♪
185
00:08:04,535 --> 00:08:05,901
Not familiar.
186
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,102
You should be, 'cause it's...
187
00:08:07,104 --> 00:08:09,605
♪ Kind of awesome!
188
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:11,807
I was ordering a pizza.
189
00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:14,910
I haven't had a chance
to talk to her yet.
190
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,378
Why not?
191
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:19,081
♪ Does your word mean nothin'? ♪
192
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:22,017
You know what, uh,
to be perfectly honest, I...
193
00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,653
I don't know
if this is a good idea.
194
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:25,888
What? Why?
195
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:27,656
What-what's wrong with her?
Is she crazy?
196
00:08:27,658 --> 00:08:30,359
I like crazy. You met Lyndsey--
that bitch is cuckoo.
197
00:08:30,361 --> 00:08:34,096
No, there's-there's
nothing wrong with her.
198
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,230
So what's the problem?
199
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:37,566
She's... Lynda Carter.
200
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,601
And?
201
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,804
And you're...
202
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:44,840
♪ Alan Harper!
203
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,510
Oh.
204
00:08:48,512 --> 00:08:50,379
Oh, I get it.
205
00:08:50,381 --> 00:08:52,748
You don't think
I'm good enough for her.
206
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:54,583
Oh, no, it's not that.
207
00:08:54,585 --> 00:08:56,018
No, no, no, no, no,
it's fine, it's fine.
208
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,420
Just out of curiosity,
who am I good enough for?
209
00:08:58,422 --> 00:09:00,155
Lots of people.
Well, name one.
210
00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:01,857
Okay, how about...
how about the-the...
211
00:09:01,859 --> 00:09:03,892
the barista at the coffee place.
212
00:09:03,894 --> 00:09:06,195
The hot blonde, Vanessa?
Oh, God, no. No, I'm...
213
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,796
I'm...
214
00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,064
I'm talking about the other one.
215
00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:11,333
The only other one is Miguel.
216
00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:14,937
No. No, Tracy.
The one with the brown hair.
217
00:09:14,939 --> 00:09:18,073
Coming out of her chin mole.
218
00:09:18,075 --> 00:09:19,575
Okay, then Miguel.
219
00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:22,644
I... I can't believe
you think so little of me.
220
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,580
It's not that.
Oh, you know what? You know what?
221
00:09:24,582 --> 00:09:26,682
This is actually good.
I finally know where I stand
222
00:09:26,684 --> 00:09:27,716
with my "friend."
223
00:09:27,718 --> 00:09:28,851
Okay, Alan...
224
00:09:28,853 --> 00:09:31,687
And you were gonna
be our best man!
225
00:09:34,357 --> 00:09:37,025
Yeah, no, he's
not good enough for Miguel.
226
00:09:37,027 --> 00:09:38,527
♪ Men.
227
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,322
Hey.
228
00:09:49,324 --> 00:09:51,023
Hey. You're up early.
229
00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:53,826
Yup. Crack of dawn.
230
00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:56,629
But, shh,
Dawn is still sleeping.
231
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,332
Good morning.
232
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:00,399
Good morning.
233
00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:02,435
Uh, hey, Jenny,
do you have any idea
234
00:10:02,437 --> 00:10:05,604
how to get tear stains
out of pillows?
235
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,873
It's certainly not more tears,
because I tried that.
236
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,141
Have you tried spraying
237
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:11,344
some desperate
cry for attention on it?
238
00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:14,847
You want
some coffee?
239
00:10:14,849 --> 00:10:17,049
Why, yes, I would.
Oh, uh, Walden,
240
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,751
is there some
uglier coffee
241
00:10:18,753 --> 00:10:20,553
that might be more
appropriate for me?
242
00:10:20,555 --> 00:10:22,688
All right.
Alan, you're being ridiculous.
243
00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,490
Hey, sticks and stones
may break my bones,
244
00:10:24,492 --> 00:10:26,992
but thanks to you,
I'll never bone Lynda Carter.
245
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:32,231
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
will breakfast alone in my room.
246
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:34,700
What's wrong with Auntie Alan?
247
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:37,670
She's pouting 'cause I won't
set her up with Lynda Carter.
248
00:10:37,672 --> 00:10:40,940
Why not?
Because, it's Lynda Carter.
249
00:10:40,942 --> 00:10:42,775
Right.
250
00:10:42,777 --> 00:10:44,910
And who's Lynda Carter?
251
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,179
Lynda Carter is an actress.
252
00:10:47,181 --> 00:10:49,949
Oh. And she makes you
say her whole name?
253
00:10:49,951 --> 00:10:51,417
She doesn't make you,
254
00:10:51,419 --> 00:10:54,086
it's just something you do
when people reach icon status.
255
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:56,622
So why won't you
set Alan up with her?
256
00:10:56,624 --> 00:10:58,090
She's out of his league.
257
00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,291
What league is she in?
258
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:02,595
Well, among others,
the Justice League.
259
00:11:02,597 --> 00:11:05,197
All right, I have no idea
what you're talking about,
260
00:11:05,199 --> 00:11:07,333
so let me just
ask you a question.
261
00:11:07,335 --> 00:11:08,948
Is Alan good enough
to be your friend?
262
00:11:08,973 --> 00:11:10,737
Of course.
263
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,806
So then why isn't he good enough for her?
Okay, that's not fair.
264
00:11:13,808 --> 00:11:16,709
There are a lot of women that
Alan is not good enough for.
265
00:11:16,711 --> 00:11:20,279
Don't you think she should
decide who she can go out with?
266
00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:22,456
Hmm. That's actually
a good point.
267
00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:24,041
Hang on, one second,
is this Lynda Carter?
268
00:11:24,066 --> 00:11:25,852
Uh-huh.
269
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:29,054
Yeah, Alan's not
good enough for her.
270
00:11:34,028 --> 00:11:35,261
Alan.
271
00:11:35,263 --> 00:11:36,529
Yeah?
272
00:11:36,531 --> 00:11:38,330
Are you decent?
273
00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:41,333
Not by your standards.
274
00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,836
Okay, I'm coming in.
275
00:11:43,838 --> 00:11:45,671
What do you want?
276
00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:48,474
If it's self-esteem you're
after, there's none here.
277
00:11:48,476 --> 00:11:50,443
I was wrong.
278
00:11:50,445 --> 00:11:54,146
It is not my place to decide
who you can or cannot date.
279
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,147
No, no, it's fine.
280
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:56,515
Uh, actually, I'm making a list
281
00:11:56,517 --> 00:11:58,017
of the people
you shouldn't date.
282
00:11:58,019 --> 00:12:01,454
Uh, Number one:
Anyone with a heart.
283
00:12:01,456 --> 00:12:03,422
Okay, you know, I deserve that.
284
00:12:03,424 --> 00:12:05,858
And number two,
Taylor Swift, because she will
285
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:09,628
write a song about you called
"Back-Stabbing Dream Killer."
286
00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:11,430
Okay, well, if you will let me,
287
00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,999
I would like
to make it up to you.
288
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:18,771
I invited my mother and Lynda
over for dinner tomorrow night.
289
00:12:18,773 --> 00:12:21,841
So, you are free
to ask her out yourself.
290
00:12:21,843 --> 00:12:24,176
If you're joking,
I swear to God
291
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:27,079
I will pack my things and you
will never see me again.
292
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:28,581
I was joking.
So was I.
293
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:31,417
You're not just doing this
out of pity, are you?
294
00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:33,352
Don't answer, I don't care.
295
00:12:33,354 --> 00:12:34,353
You're a good friend.
296
00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:36,222
So are you.
297
00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:38,491
And, again, I'm sorry.
298
00:12:38,493 --> 00:12:40,092
Thank you.
299
00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:43,662
Okay. Oh, and,
and, a little tip:
300
00:12:43,664 --> 00:12:47,333
when Lynda's here, just try
not to act like a crazy fan.
301
00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:48,398
I got it.
302
00:12:48,423 --> 00:12:50,624
No, no, seriously, like, if,
if you want a shot with her
303
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,005
you need to treat
her like she's a normal person.
304
00:12:53,007 --> 00:12:55,641
And, and you should
pretend to be one, yourself.
305
00:12:55,643 --> 00:12:57,409
It's not a problem.
306
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,183
Until tomorrow.
307
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,954
All right,
I'm out of here.
308
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,590
Dinner's in the oven
and the wine's chilling.
309
00:13:11,592 --> 00:13:12,558
Oh, thank you.
310
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,460
No, I was talking about
at my house.
311
00:13:14,462 --> 00:13:17,663
Oh, oh, uh, uh,
before you go, um,
312
00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:20,065
uh, uh, which is my good side?
What?
313
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,034
I'm trying to figure out
where to sit at dinner.
314
00:13:22,036 --> 00:13:24,036
I-I want my good side
facing Lynda.
315
00:13:24,038 --> 00:13:25,571
All right.
316
00:13:25,573 --> 00:13:27,172
Turn to your left.
317
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,274
Okay.
318
00:13:28,276 --> 00:13:29,508
Now turn to your right.
319
00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:31,310
Okay.
320
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:33,646
Turn around.
321
00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:37,449
Perfect.
322
00:13:37,451 --> 00:13:39,652
Who hurt you, Berta?
323
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:42,721
Oh, uh...
324
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,227
Ooh, uh, just in case.
325
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,332
Oh, God, it burns!
326
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,470
What did I say about
acting like a normal person?
327
00:13:58,472 --> 00:14:02,541
That was before I got mint spray
in Little Alan's eye.
328
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:04,677
I'm not even gonna ask.
329
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:08,714
Oh, hey, you two
look beautiful.
330
00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:11,050
Oh, it's great
to see you again, Walden.
331
00:14:11,052 --> 00:14:12,751
And don't forget about me.
332
00:14:12,753 --> 00:14:16,121
Oh, don't worry, I haven't.
333
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:19,692
Okay, you can let go now.
334
00:14:19,694 --> 00:14:21,694
Well, I'm glad
you two could make it.
335
00:14:21,696 --> 00:14:24,597
Wow, this is quite the place.
336
00:14:24,599 --> 00:14:26,799
Thank you.
337
00:14:26,801 --> 00:14:28,567
Single guy living at the beach,
338
00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:30,603
you must do well
with the ladies.
339
00:14:30,605 --> 00:14:34,974
I do okay, but this guy
is the real charmer.
340
00:14:34,976 --> 00:14:39,945
Blink twice if you're
being held against your will.
341
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,280
Well, it's,
it's true, in my youth
342
00:14:41,282 --> 00:14:43,482
I was a bit of a,
a rapscallion.
343
00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:46,051
A rake.
344
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,087
A... gadabout.
345
00:14:48,089 --> 00:14:50,556
A... g-gadabout?
346
00:14:50,558 --> 00:14:52,391
What have you.
347
00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,227
Yeah, but that was
in your past, right?
348
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:58,364
And now you're just a
normal, regular guy?
349
00:14:58,366 --> 00:14:59,465
Yeah, that's right,
that's right.
350
00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:02,568
I'm just a,
a normal, regular guy
351
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:06,138
looking for a crazy
little thing called love.
352
00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:09,775
♪ Crazy little thing called love... ♪
353
00:15:09,777 --> 00:15:12,845
What's that I hear?
354
00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:17,149
Is that the lovely voice of
triple-threat Lynda Carter?
355
00:15:17,151 --> 00:15:20,452
Actress, singer, dancer?
356
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:23,455
Wait a second,
do I smell mint?
357
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,129
Yes, and it's not
coming from my mouth.
358
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:37,169
Oh ,uh, uh,
would you mind signing it
359
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:40,305
"From a Wonder Woman
to a Super Man"?
360
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,377
How about "best wishes"?
That works.
361
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,945
Hey, you know,
I'll, I'll bet you could
362
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,347
make a lot of money
traveling around
363
00:15:48,349 --> 00:15:49,882
and signing
at conventions and stuff.
364
00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:51,850
I'm not a big fan of travel.
365
00:15:51,852 --> 00:15:54,219
Yeah, not to mention
the weirdos you'd meet.
366
00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,455
Ugh. You don't
have to tell me,
367
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:58,490
I mean, I-I've talked
to a lot of them
368
00:15:58,492 --> 00:16:02,261
on the Wonder Woman
message boards. Freaks!
369
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,130
Alan?
Hmm?
370
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,965
I'm pretty sure Lynda didn't
come here just to sign things.
371
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,034
Oh, of course, of course.
Sorry, I just, you know,
372
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,403
I, I geeked out a bit.
373
00:16:11,405 --> 00:16:13,305
Oh, that's okay.
You can't imagine how often
374
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:16,108
I get roped into these kinds
of conversations.
375
00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:17,976
Roped? Or...
376
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,645
...lassoed?
377
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,116
Oh, God. He's gonna tie her up
and throw her in a van.
378
00:16:24,118 --> 00:16:27,653
No, no. This is an original
Wonder Woman Lasso of Truth.
379
00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:29,922
I-I got it at Comic Con '88.
380
00:16:29,924 --> 00:16:32,391
Yeah, back when only
the really cool people went.
381
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,629
Whoever is wearing the lasso
must tell the truth.
382
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:39,732
Is this
the best night of my life?
383
00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:41,333
It is.
384
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:45,170
Are you completely oblivious
to social cues?
385
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,839
You are.
386
00:16:46,841 --> 00:16:49,374
Oh, oh, would you mind
posing with it
387
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,943
so I can snap a quick picture?
388
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,946
Enough.
Mm-hmm?
389
00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:57,616
No. It, it's okay.
Let's just take the picture.
390
00:16:57,618 --> 00:17:00,385
Oh great, great. Oh,
crud. The memory's full.
391
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,121
Uh, uh, let me just
delete a few.
392
00:17:02,123 --> 00:17:05,424
Good-bye, Jake.
Good-bye, Jake.
393
00:17:05,426 --> 00:17:07,793
Oh, kitty, hang in there.
394
00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:09,194
Good-bye, Jake.
395
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,597
Okay, would you like to...
Yes!
396
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,835
Hurry back.
397
00:17:16,837 --> 00:17:17,936
It's going well, isn't it?
398
00:17:17,938 --> 00:17:20,038
I have chimps smarter than you.
399
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,243
I'm really sorry
about tonight.
400
00:17:24,245 --> 00:17:26,078
Oh, it's okay.
He's harmless.
401
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,380
He is harmless, right?
402
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:31,650
Yeah, he's harmless,
clueless, homeless.
403
00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:32,985
He's pretty much "less."
404
00:17:32,987 --> 00:17:35,921
Still,
I'm glad I came over.
405
00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:37,389
It's really good
to see you again.
406
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:39,792
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
And you look amazing.
407
00:17:39,794 --> 00:17:42,561
Or, should I say,
"wonder-ful."
408
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,898
See? When you do it, it's cute.
409
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:47,733
Oh, uh, Jenny,
410
00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:48,801
this is Lynda Car...
411
00:17:48,803 --> 00:17:52,070
Lynda freakin' Carter.
412
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:53,605
Nice to meet you.
413
00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:55,340
Jenny is
Alan's niece.
414
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,843
Ah, well, I won't
hold that against you.
415
00:17:57,845 --> 00:18:00,813
Beautiful and funny.
416
00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:02,080
Aren't you sweet.
417
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,716
Oh, I can be way sweeter.
418
00:18:04,718 --> 00:18:06,485
Or less, if that's
what you're into.
419
00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:08,086
Hmm.
420
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,621
You still like
wearing cuffs?
421
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:14,326
Okay. All right, uh, Jenny,
isn't your bedroom that way?
422
00:18:14,328 --> 00:18:17,095
What he said.
423
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:22,601
See? I told you the
gays really like me.
424
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,971
I'm sorry. I, I,
I actually, I do have to ask:
425
00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:28,340
does Alan have
a shot with you?
426
00:18:28,342 --> 00:18:29,975
That Alan?
427
00:18:29,977 --> 00:18:32,945
You do know I'm Lynda
freakin' Carter, right?
428
00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:36,515
Okay. Asked
and answered.
429
00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:39,685
It seems that everyone
in this house wants to be with me
430
00:18:39,687 --> 00:18:41,687
except the one that I want.
Yeah.
431
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:43,956
Wait, what?
432
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,125
Okay, I made room for...
433
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,194
Betrayal!
434
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,182
Dude, seriously?
435
00:19:10,184 --> 00:19:12,351
No wonder you
brought her out here. Oh!
436
00:19:12,353 --> 00:19:16,121
God, I'm so angry I forgot to
emphasize the word "wonder."
437
00:19:16,123 --> 00:19:18,257
Alan, it's not what you think.
Oh, really?
438
00:19:18,259 --> 00:19:19,758
'Cause I'm thinking you're
kissing Lynda Carter.
439
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,661
What is going on?
Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.
440
00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:25,197
Your son, my ex-friend,
still roommate,
441
00:19:25,199 --> 00:19:26,698
just double-crossed me.
442
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,501
Alan, you're embarrassing yourself.
Oh, am I?
443
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,036
Okay, I'm not
gonna do this.
444
00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:32,170
Oh, aren't you?
445
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,605
Okay, that's it.
446
00:19:34,942 --> 00:19:36,708
Oh, this is about
to really suck.
447
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,822
Morning.
448
00:19:49,824 --> 00:19:51,090
Morning.
449
00:19:51,092 --> 00:19:55,394
Listen, uh,
about last night...
450
00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:58,530
Let's just drop it.
451
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,566
Fair enough.
452
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,409
Again, I-I am
very sorry.
453
00:20:10,411 --> 00:20:12,778
I got it. Mo-Moving on.
454
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:20,586
I know you would never
intentionally try to hurt me.
455
00:20:20,588 --> 00:20:22,554
We're past it.
456
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:26,892
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
32410
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