Original subtitles

[alarm sounding]

Guys, we have a problem. He's seen my face. My cover's blown.

A lot of Russians back there, but I took care of them.

There's gonna be twice as many coming from the front.

Mr. Bunny says the vents are a no-go.

Parker, stop naming the priceless pieces of art!

What do we do? We're doomed!

[man] Guys, keep your heads.

You know what you can do alone. I know what you can do together.

Oh, yeah? And how do you know that?

Because I'm the Mastermind.

This is exactly what I need.

[chuckles]

[♪ theme music playing]

- [Parker] Where are you going? - [Sophie] Out.

- Well... - No, stop it.

- What? - Just stop it.

[sighs] Anniversaries are hard.

Just this past week it was the anniversary

of the seventh time I threw Hardison off the top of a building,

and it was really hard to go through by myself.

This is a little different, obviously, but...

A little different? What's different?

Oh, Parker is trying to make sure that I'm okay today.

What is that?

Just a couple of your favorite vegan dishes that I whipped up for you

on... on... for today.

Both of you, stop it. You're trying to cosset me, and I'm fine!

Cosset you? That's not... I'm not... We're not...

Yes, you are, and it's sweet, but I don't need you taking care of me.

Just like you have been with letting me run the crew and plan the jobs.

What?

You can't con a con artist.

I appreciate it, but I don't need everyone walking on eggshells around me.

Hey, movie marathon time!

You're never gonna believe it,

I found that obscure British drama you loved when you were a kid.

- Oh. - What's going on? Is that vegan?

Nothing is going on.

Yes, it's my anniversary, but you're all acting super weird.

Now, I'm going shopping,

and I'm gonna spend a ton of money on clothes to help me cope.

- [Breanna] Sophie! - Oh, bloody hell, not you as well.

No... Alec just sent this over. I think you should take a look.

[gasps]

[Eliot] How do they have all this intel on us?

[Parker] No one but our crew knows these things.

Well, this didn't happen. Page 157 did not happen.

What do you mean? Singapore job? We did that.

You took out that whole Yakuza gang with your bare fists.

So? That's not what I'm talking about.

I did so much more than that, man.

I went undercover in an open-air market to uncover a smuggling ring, all right?

All this says is I hit people.

And flip my hair?!

Oh, you think you've been portrayed unfairly?

Well, look at page 93!

"The thief elides logic with her physical prowess,

eludes capture with her calm confidence

and is nothing short of legendary in her field."

I mean, "legendary"? Come on!

Yeah, that's horrible.

I just want to know if all this stuff about my brother is true.

- No, it's not... - Page 42 is true.

How did Hardison find all this stuff?

Oh, well, his algorithm was meant to scrub all mention of us off the Internet.

But this kept popping up like a wack-a-mole.

And finally he tracked down these galleys.

The good news is, these are just advanced copies...

The book hasn't been published yet.

But who the hell is this "Mastermind"?

I don't know.

But he's cast himself as Nate Ford... Our Nate Ford...

The real mastermind that put this team together.

Most of this stuff is wrong, but there's enough right in here to be dangerous.

- If this gets out... - All our clients will be exposed.

The marks we took down for them will know and they'll go after them.

Not to mention all of your guys' secrets are out there.

Not all of us. Sophie got away scot-free.

She's not in the book at all.

Crappiest wedding anniversary ever.

Oh, it's not my wedding anniversary.

Nate and I didn't celebrate that, no.

We celebrated the day we met.

Was it love at first sight?

Kind of.

He shot me.

But to be fair, I shot him, too.

Hey, did you ever have that feeling that you see someone in the distance

and you think it's the person you wanna see most in the world

and your heart starts going crazy, and then they turn around and...

That's what this feels like.

How do you think this person found out about you?

Well, they didn't. I'm not in the book.

There's occasionally a grifter, but it's clearly not me.

[sighs]

I'm not important to the story, apparently.

Well, now we know this guy's a fake.

There's no way Nate Ford felt that way.

Okay. So I compiled some information on our fake mastermind.

Hey, who is he?

How does he know what he knows?

No idea. He doesn't exist in any of our usual outlets.

The book copyright is listed by an LLC of an LLC.

The publishing contracts are all signed by lawyers.

And no social media.

I mean, I even did a reverse image search on the guy... zip.

A reverse image search revealed nothing?

Maybe this guy really is a criminal mastermind.

Well, most criminal masterminds don't have websites.

[beeps]

The publishing company put that up.

Okay, there's not a lot of information,

but there is some booking information about media appearances.

He's done media appearances?

Not yet.

But anyone with a page like this is desperate to get exposure.

So, we lure him in to an undisclosed location,

take turns stabbing him with a fork so they can't pin it on any one of us.

- Yeah. - Okay, well, yeah.

The funny thing about these publishing contracts,

right, is that they all have a kill clause,

so the author can exercise that any time before publication.

So, we invite "Nate Ford" to New Orleans and convince him

about the perils of publishing so that nobody gets hurt.

[book slams on table]

He is not Nate Ford.

And for that he's gonna pay.

Let's go steal our lives back.

"The air has turned crisp, and you know what that means?

That's right, friends, it's sweater weather.

After the break, we'll be having our favorite local designers." Ugh.

I went to journalism school for this?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! People, what are you still doing here?

We are in the middle of an outbreak!

An outbreak? Of what?

You had an entomologist from the New Orleans Zoo on last week,

- did you not? - Yeah.

Well, some of his Malum Insectus got loose and started breeding in the control room.

They like to nest in the hair?

They start in the hair, work their way down.

Come on, everybody, out! Out, out, out, out, out, out!

- [spraying] - [indistinct chatter]

That's the last of 'em.

Just in time.

Get ready to meet the devious, ruthless genius who stole all your secrets

and then take him down...

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

Hi there! [chuckles]

[chuckles]

[Valley accent] We're so excited to have you on our program.

Our host, Hilda La Salle, just loved your book.

- Well, I write what I know. - [Navid] Excuse me.

- Excuse me... - Sorry, no guests.

I know. I was hoping to have a word with the Mastermind.

His publisher said he was here.

I represent foreign interests. We believe he has international appeal.

Sorry, man, that's not my bag. The Mastermind's late for an interview.

[door closes]

[sighs]

So, this is a taped segment. There's no studio audience.

But Hilda doesn't always recognize that, so just play along with it.

Like that time we conned an orphan-selling outfit in Sarajevo

by putting on a fake movie.

Serbia.

Hmm?

You got the prep questions?

No. I, uh, I didn't.

Really?

We emailed them to you. Could I see your phone?

Sure.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.

Huh. I guess we didn't.

Our bad.

But don't worry, the questions are standard interview stuff. You got it.

Hilda will be out in a few moments, you can wait for her right over there.

- Great. - Mm-hmm.

Is it just me or is this guy a schmoe?

Yeah, a schmoe who's more than happy to put all of our clients in danger.

Well, I still say stabbing's an option.

It's definitely plan B.

You just did it.

What?

I didn't do... I had hair in my eyes, Parker!

Okay, all this stuff that we're doing right now...

The con, the legwork... I'm good at that, too.

I'm just saying.

Okay, well, do you think I wanna be called legendary?

Do you think I want just the whisper of my name

to strike fear in the hearts of evildoers everywhere? Huh?

Where's the challenge in that?

What?

Anyone out there?

All right, everyone, let's give it up for Hilda La Salle!

I'm the one that should be legendary.

[Breanna] Okay, cue fake audience.

- [cheers and applause] - [Southern accent] Thank you! Thank you!

I'm Hilda La Salle, and hello, NOLA!

My guest this morning is the secretive and mysterious author of the new book

"The Mastermind: A Team of Criminals Take Down the Criminally Rich."

Mr. Mastermind, welcome.

[applause]

Thanks for having me.

And it's just "Mastermind."

Right.

First, I want to say how brave it was for you to write this book.

Well, the brave part wasn't the writing, it was the doing.

The rich and powerful take what they want.

We steal it back for you.

We provide...

an advantage.

[Sophie] Commendable.

However, I was referring to the fact that you're here promoting your book.

Well, you invited me.

- Sure. - [chuckles]

But now everyone who you stole from knows who you are.

They know what you look like.

I...

I hadn't thought of that.

And because of what you wrote, they know how you conned them.

But of course you know how to counteract any measures taken against you.

Uh, yes. Yes, I do.

You have a... a team of cyber experts

who can make sure you aren't a victim of hackin'.

And no doubt you have a great many connections with law enforcement

who won't mind that y'all are makin' fools of them in the book.

And if you don't... well, you're a mastermind.

You can handle any situation.

Yes. Sure.

Sure I am.

- Mr. Mastermind! - [applause]

The book is in stores next month!

- Huh. - [Breanna] And we're out!

Up, up. We're gonna go this way. We're walking, we're walking. Amazing.

Great interview, Mr. Mastermind. This is your first press, right?

When this goes wide to all of our affiliates, you're gonna feel seen.

- Oh, man. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Is something wrong?

Oh, my phone was hacked!

I'm locked out of all my accounts!

Someone just texted, saying if don't pay them a million dollars,

they'll release all my emails?

That sucks. Wonder how that happened.

If you head that way, you'll find the exit.

Have a "Hello NOLA" day!

[typing] No!

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[door slams]

[Russian accent] Comrade Mastermind.

I am Stolichnaya, Federal Security Services,

Russian Federation.

Wait, the FSS?

- How did you... - We have large team at embassy.

We find people easily.

I read your book.

I did not find much of it credible.

Hmph. The "legendary" thief?

Ha! Ridiculous.

However, we have reason to believe that one of your marks

is an oligarch we need to contact.

I want you to reach out to him, wearing a wire, of course.

I need to go to the little boys' room before we start discussing oligarchs.

You go, I wait here.

[claps hands]

Go!

[laughs]

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[grunting]

I've dreamt of this.

A man spends ten years of his life in prison, he has a lot of time to think.

A lot of time to plan.

You got the wrong idea. I...

I thought you were gonna do an interview about your book.

I was gonna find you, and I was gonna run you into the ground.

But I didn't know what you look like. [laughs]

Till just now.

Please, I...

I was gonna kill you, but I think it'd be better

to watch you run for the rest of your life.

- [whimpers] - I'm gonna give you a head start.

One.

Two.

[grunts]

Three!

I can't even get an Uber.

[both gasp]

Stay back! Stay back!

Take it easy. I'm your lawyer.

My lawyer?

Well, the publisher's lawyer.

At least I was until I got fired.

I wrote the memo about the potential ramifications for the book.

A memo? About legal ramifications?

Mostly, but also about how you would be exposing yourself to danger.

And it's the publisher's responsibility to protect you.

Protect me?

I got Russian agents and escaped prisoners,

and I can't even get into my email.

Damn it, that's just what I was afraid...

Well, too late.

What? Don't say that.

What should I do?

Well, short of canceling the book...

I can still do that?

Yeah, because it hasn't been published yet, but...

Oh!

If that's what you're gonna do, you better hurry.

There's not a moment to waste.

Ah, he got him on the hook.

All on his own, too. I'm so proud.

Wait, what just happened?

I'm gonna call right now. I...

Oh. Can I use your phone?

Mm-hmm.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Oh, you got something on your neck.

Oh.

[grunts]

Get 'em both.

[tires screech]

They're gone. What happened?

A signal jammer.

Pretty strong to cover all the signals coming out of a TV station.

Made us lose cameras.

This tech is high-grade military ops. Probably mercs for hire.

- Well, who hired them? - This guy.

He said he's some sort of foreign publisher.

Yeah, foreign publisher my ass.

He's got a pin of the flag of Zafir.

So they were grabbed by thugs from a Middle Eastern dictatorship?

Well, actually, Zafir overthrew the monarch...

And this couldn't be any less important.

What direction did they go in?

They went northwest, but there's not much over there...

Some farms, warehouses.

[both] An airfield.

Yeah, they're gonna have to fly private if they wanna leave the city.

Or else they'd have to explain the passed-out people in their luggage.

They got too much of a head start for us to catch them,

but we can find out where they're going.

[grunts]

Ah.

Good morning.

I am pleased to be in the presence of the Mastermind.

[chuckles] I'm a... I'm a fan.

Uh... thanks?

Oh, no, thank you.

'Cause you're about to steal something for me.

[laughs]

Come. We'll be late to the party.

You may be wondering why I brought you to the South of France.

We're in France?

Yeah, we drugged you for the flight out.

I understand there might be some vomiting later.

I was looking for someone to do a job,

and rumors of you and your crew led me to your book.

Who are you?

I'm King Navid, the third of his name of the Greater Republic of Zafir,

et cetera, et cetera.

It goes on for three minutes.

Like I said, I want you to steal something for me.

This used to be the estate of the Comtesse de Laurent,

until she donated it,

and now it's the most secure private museum in the South of France.

Easy enough for you.

I want to steal my country's most treasured artifact...

The Zafir Scarab.

It's on display here in this private museum.

If it belongs to you, why don't you just ask for it back?

[chuckles] Well, uh, technically, it does not belong to me.

It belong...

[indistinct chatter]

You understand, balloons not here, not here, not here.

It belongs to her... My ex-wife Liliana.

She's very pretty.

Incompetence!

Yeah.

Take care of this.

We were very happy until we stopped having sex

and realized we hated each other.

She hired one of my bodyguards to kill me, I blew up her car...

Typical divorce stuff.

Sure, sure.

She only got one hard asset from me in the final divorce settlement.

The Zafir Scarab.

Worth $200 million.

[chuckles]

I want it back.

You have, um, guys with guns.

Yeah, and if it were up to me,

I would shoot this place up with Uzis and take it,

but I cannot afford international fallout.

I need a light touch.

I need a mastermind.

Now, I know how you work.

I'll leave you to plan.

I am not a micromanager.

Plus she's having a party. There will be lots of people here.

You'll blend in.

Just steal it by the end of the day.

No reason for us to be here any longer than we must.

Or I will kill your lawyer friend.

And you.

My lawyer friend?

Oh, no. You got...

No, no, no, you don't understand.

You gotta believe me. I-I don't know that guy.

I mean, if you wanna threaten me, that's okay, but you gotta cut him loose.

He means nothing to me.

That was incredible.

I mean, you totally sold that...

A trembling voice, the fear in your eye.

Wow.

Just wow.

[laughs]

If I hadn't read your book...

I would have been convinced.

[pats arm]

[sighs]

[Southern accent] Well, aren't you in a fix.

Hilda?

[gasps] You!

Shut up.

Is this a food truck?

Yep, drove it down from Paris

to look for you and our lawyer friend Harry.

Took me all night.

So he's very cranky,

and you definitely don't want cranky Eliot Spencer.

But of course, you know that since you worked with him for five years.

It's you.

The crew!

Hitter!

Ah, Hacker!

I thought you were a guy.

[clears throat]

How did you find me? In France?

Cloned your phone, dopple-dude.

- Are you CIA? NSA? - An accountant.

Oh, you're not the Accountant.

I worked with the Accountant.

Sniper, got Hector Medeira from 2,000 meters.

Not the Accountant, an accountant. For IYS.

What?

Nate's old insurance company.

Yes, I was his forensic accountant.

Nate Ford was a legendary field agent,

but behind all the field agents were us, the company accountants.

We spotted the fraudulent contracts

and tracked the payments through shell companies.

We did all that work,

and the only field agent to come down to our floor?

Nate Ford.

He was supportive, kind.

He really saw us.

The Nate Ford?

Furnace full of rage?

Where his personality should be?

Always spoke to you very slowly?

Like you weren't that bright?

Oh, yes. He remembered our birthdays, holidays,

always there with an inspiring pep talk.

[scoffs] His pep talks made people cry.

You have to understand, I am boring.

I know that I'm boring.

And then... [chuckles] here's the hilarious part.

They completely forgot about depreciating his foreign assets

over both tax dominions.

[snores]

Very. Very. Boring.

But Nate always said, "Everybody has a superpower,

and one day, we're gonna find yours."

But then he left the company and I never found mine,

so I borrowed his.

Did I ever tell you how I recovered the Dagger of Aqu'abi

and uncovered an international artifact forgery ring?

Your life is so exciting.

[sniffs] Mmm.

Moroccan beans.

I was suddenly fascinating.

As long as I was... him.

But Nate didn't bring us together until after he left IYS.

Ah. Ta-da.

Oh.

[feedback squeals]

How do you know who we are?

Is that Parker? Yeah, it's all of you!

Hitter, Hacker, Thief.

- Seriously? - Don't.

Seriously?!

Your phone made a pit stop at a warehouse nearby.

We think that's where Harry's being held.

She went to go pop him loose.

Oh, God, as long as nobody gets hurt.

After IYS, they considered Nate a threat, so we tracked him.

- [growls] - And you.

And then a few years later, I ran into him, Nate, at a bar.

[chuckles] We caught up.

He was so proud of you guys.

Huh.

He's not an informant. He's not law enforcement.

He's an accountant with a very... good memory.

I got laid off. I needed the money.

And I had all these stories.

Pieces of them, anyway.

But now we have to steal the Zafir Scarab.

We are not stealing anything.

We are getting our Mr. Wilson back and going home.

Perimeter check. Coming out.

[man] Copy that.

Move and I start breaking fingers.

This is a very comfortable chair.

I got him.

Ah!

[grunts] Thank you.

Hey, you guys, I think we have a problem here.

[Harry] Yeah, we have a problem. I'm tied to a chair.

But we're about to rectify that right now.

Okay, so King Navid, the notorious dictator,

is actually ex-King Navid.

Overthrown last month by a democratic rebellion,

the government seized his assets.

He made it out of the country with whatever he could grab.

Yeah, we're looking at it.

Not that much really, about $1,215,021 worth.

The only asset that wasn't seized was the one that was no longer his.

[Sophie] The Zafir Scarab.

If he's going on the run, he's gonna need that.

[Breanna] Oh, well, he's not running.

Pinged the cell towers near that warehouse,

I got calls from private mercenaries, ex-CIA, ex-GRU,

and I just pulled some data off of Hardison's servers.

They've all got strike teams lined up on the Zafir border.

Navid bought an army.

You can't just hire people to overthrow a government.

[both laugh]

I did it, but it ain't cheap.

If he sold the scarab, could he do it with 200 million?

I did for 80, but you need at least 150 million just to be safe.

So if we don't steal it, Navid's gonna come in here guns blazing,

steal the scarab, sell it, and reclaim his throne

with a reign of terror.

[sighs] Parker, change of plan. Leave our Mr. Wilson where he is.

- What? - Hmm.

What do you mean, leave me here? No, no, no, no, no, no.

[screams] That's tighter than it was before!

We can't let Navid know anything's wrong until we steal that scarab.

Which is nearly impossible.

To maintain the historical accuracy of the building,

they integrated security systems into the walls.

Hard wires lead down to that security room

where there's no Wi-Fi cameras or alarms for me to hack.

And that display room? Motion sensitive and thermographic floor.

The case is filled with helium.

Why helium?

It's noncorrosive, and if it's pressurized...

A drop in pressure, from lifting the case, sets the alarm off.

[grunts] Nice and tight?

Yeah, that's tight.

Okay. [grunts]

Now, taser.

Point the sparky end and at the other guy. Okay?

Take off your belt.

No no, no, don't. Please don't put that in my pants.

Harry, don't let anything happen to my favorite taser.

[grunts]

So all we have to do is distract an entire party,

keep the guards from watching the unhackable cameras,

cross an uncrossable floor, and get the scarab out

of a pressurized case, and then blend back into the crowd of the party.

- Oh, and save our Mr. Wilson. - Yeah.

So how do we do that?

Ain't you the Mastermind?

Hmm?

Thank you so much for coming today. Please go in and enjoy the museum.

Bonjour.

Thank you for coming. We received your donation.

Please come on and enjoy the champagne.

[speaks French]

Aren't I a liability?

Shouldn't I just hang out in the food truck?

This is you're doing.

We need you visibly taking part in this con.

Just in case Navid's watching.

I don't see any of his guys, but that doesn't mean they're not here.

His ear pieces are crazy. It's like I got six of you in my head at once.

Yeah, you get used to that.

Brianna, what do you have?

Okay, uh, there's a room in the basement

that's drawing nearly 60% of all the power the house uses.

That's gotta be the security control room.

A hidden door across from the main stairwell

that leads right down into it.

I can get down to the basement and distract the guards.

Eliot, you watch the perimeter while Parker grabs the scarab.

You know IYS actually insures the Zafir Scarab?

I remember it because... [laughs]

This is so funny.

Liliana Inglestadt filled out the wrong form.

She insured it at a 10-year actuary rate,

when something worth 200 mil should have a policy

with at least three times the payout.

Sure, it costs more, but once you amortize it...

[snoring]

- Breanna. - [gasps]

I'm still trying to figure out why

with all the clothes and Elliot's food truck

that I'm dressed like myself.

That's your cover.

Because of your lack of experience, it's best that we stick

as close as possible to your true self... An accountant.

Oh, that makes sense.

Mm.

They're training you really very nicely.

Training me?

Well, you're new to the crew, right?

You...

You really have no idea who I am.

No idea who I was to Nate Ford.

Who you were...?

I was his wife. I was literally his partner in crime.

I was the one he woke up to every day

and the one who shouted at him when he loaded the dishwasher wrong,

and I was the one who led him on a merry chase

across four continents over stolen Monets.

But in all your research, in all your conversations with Nate...

I never came up?

[indistinct chatter]

Liliana Inglestadt!

Charlotte Prentiss, Duchess of Hanover.

You don't mind if we join your little party today, do you?

This is my insurance agent, Mr. Crow. Don't mind him.

Enchante...?

Your insurance agent?

Why?

Well, between us, I own several jewels

that were formerly owned by the Comtesse de Laurent.

The museum are dying for me to lend them,

but my silly little insurance company

need to make sure the museum meets its standards.

My jewelry is on display here.

I know, and they're adorable.

We'll just take a little peek around and measure up.

Mwah. Bisou.

[scoffs]

Come.

[chuckles]

[typing]

Five hundred rounds.

Twenty MR-15s.

[clatters]

What are you doing?

[exhales] Nothing.

Just trying to get some circulation back in my arms.

What are you doing? If you don't mind me asking.

Making a list. Ammunition, supplies.

Oh, for the coup that you're throwing. [clears throat]

Yeah, I make lists. Groceries, mostly.

Looks like Navid keeps you pretty well supplied.

We provide our own equipment.

All part of the services, huh?

Hey, let me ask you a question.

So, King Navid has you kidnap a criminal out of a book

to steal a priceless artifact to sell it

to get enough money to finance a coup

so he could take power back in Zafir?

More or less.

So he doesn't really have any money to pay you.

[indistinct chatter]

Hmm.

- [speaking French] - [yells]

[German accent] I am the decorator.

There must be balance between whimsy

and history.

Madame, you must not put the...

There must be balance!

[humming]

Got two guards and a lot of people around the scarab.

Gonna need a clear-out.

I'm on it.

[Fake Nate] The Hitter? How can he...

Hey, hey, I'm more than just a hitter.

[indistinct chatter]

I'd like to speak with you in private.

[scoffs]

[gasps] What are you...

I'm here to help. My name is Frank Farmer.

I'm with the CIA.

My detail is assigned to keep track of your ex-husband.

Navid?

Who just landed in the South of France.

We overheard the chatter that he is here... to kill you.

[gasps]

My superiors have instructed me to ignore this.

But when I saw your picture...

I have decided to do something that I have never done in my life.

I'm gonna disobey orders.

I have bodyguards of my own.

- Yeah, but they... - Madame. [speaks French]

- [grunting] - [gasps]

- He had a knife. - [gasps]

He was bought by your ex-husband.

All of your security was.

Oh, my God. I must get out of here.

No, the safest place for you is here.

There are diplomats here, aristocracy.

Trying to get them all in one concentrated area.

As long as you're around these people, you will be safe.

- I don't wanna let you go. - Oh...

But if you need me...

I will be there.

No...

The museum is off limits. Tell everyone to come to the party.

Now. Vitte!

Oui, madame.

Ooh.

[speaking French] Ladies and gentlemen, please head to the pavilion for the party.

Ladies and gentlemen, the museum is closing. Thank you!

Ladies and gentlemen, we must close the museum.

The party will now take place at the pavilion.

Please follow me.

I don't know why Nate never mentioned you.

I guess I, I would have known...

Stop.

I don't need you to feel sorry for me.

I need you to realize how much pain you've caused.

How little you really knew Nate.

And then I need you to stand watch while I go in there and do what you can't.

And then I need you to cancel your book so no one else gets hurt.

And then I need you to disappear.

I can stand guard.

I got this.

Just keep an eye on him while I go in the security room.

- What? - Duchess! Your Grace!

- Ah. - Your Grace, come with me.

I have a diplomat I must introduce you to.

- Oh. - And then stand next to you.

- Oh, no, you see, I have to... - [Eliot muttering]

You're both coming with me.

I know I'll be safe with you.

Who wants canapes? Hmm? What's your favorite kind?

King Navid can pay us.

Can, or does?

'Cause I'm only seeing about, mm, $1.2 million of assets around here.

- He has other money. - Are you sure?

[typing]

[computer beeps]

You think I'm stupid? We did a background check.

Well, look at that, $10 million in a Swiss bank account.

You see, this is...

This is kind of my area of expertise.

I used to move money for some very well-connected people.

One of the first corners that they cut is paying people that they owe.

What you should do... What we should do...

Is set you up an IRA account,

with Navid making direct automatic contributions.

[indistinct chatter]

Duchess, have you met Inspector Herve? You really should.

Bonjour.

Sophie.

What do I do?

Liliana's got us on a tight leash.

You're gonna have to do it.

I can feel your heart beating.

Oh...

Excuse me.

Well, somebody better do something quick,

because we are missing our window!

Fake Nate, do it!

Me? But I can't pull off a con!

Nate's strength was bringing out the best in people.

He knew you had a gift.

We couldn't find my superpower, remember?

I have no skills. I bore people to sleep.

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[speaking French]

Hi there.

Excuse me, you cannot be in this room.

I'm from IYS, and we insure the Zafir Scarab.

And I'm here to talk about the specs

of the security camera system that you have here. Oh.

[Sophie] Good. You're doing fine.

Breanna, give him a hand.

Well, the security feeds may be hardline,

but HVAC systems are all Wi-Fi, baby.

Raising the temperature to post-lunch nap.

Now, if you look at Rider 15C, that contract clearly states

that there should be no more than five camera angles.

Uh, however, the company would like to stipulate

- that we add a sixth camera angle. - [yawns]

[Sophie] Great.

[yawns]

Yeah, just keep... keep going.

Parker, you're up.

[indistinct chatter]

Fun fact, the only safety update they kept visible was the sprinkler pipes,

because sinking them into the ceiling might ruin the plaster.

...actual the cameras and the digitization of the f-stops

and the digitization that... Moving on to 27.

[Breanna] Okay, Parker, overload that sensor with helium.

It's gonna give you a couple seconds.

[helium voice] I got the scarab.

[alarm sounding]

Guys!

Breach in the display room!

[yelling in French]

Parker, get out of there! Go!

[helium voice] Time to go.

[yelling in French]

What do I do now?

Leave now, calm and confident.

[alarm continues]

[exhales]

[Eliot chattering]

The alarms are going off.

That means the police are on their way.

You're gonna be safe.

Mm.

Wait. No. I'm here to protect you.

Even if it's from myself.

[whimpers]

Got it.

Where'e Fake Nate?

Oh.

[Navid] Mr. Mastermind.

[chuckles] Congratulations.

Only you could have done it. Let's go.

Ooh. That's a problem.

So, my scarab?

I, uh, don't have it.

[Sophie] Don't worry, we're right behind you.

Tell Navid that the...

...scarab will be meeting us where you're holding my lawyer friend.

We see him, you get your scarab.

[laughs]

[Navid] Okay.

They're gonna get there before we do.

They're gonna have the tactical advantage.

What do you wanna do?

We'll do what my Nate would do.

We're gonna walk directly into the fire.

We're here.

Now, where is my scarab?

Where is my lawyer?

Ha ha. Mastermind. Good to see you.

Oh, you see? I'm a reasonable guy.

Now, my scarab.

Uh...

You drove really fast.

My scarab. Now.

Seems a little unnecessary.

We're all civilized people.

Who are you?

Sophie Deveraux. I'm with him.

Stealing that scarab isn't something you do alone.

You're not in the book.

Of course she's not in the book.

She's my co-mastermind.

My partner in crime.

In life and everything.

Sophie.

That's why he...

That's why I would never tell her secrets.

Mm.

She's the most important person in the world.

Touching. Well, perhaps we should shoot her.

Oh. Oh.

You wouldn't want to hit this accidentally.

Oh...

Ooh. Finally.

[laughs]

Thank you.

And the Zafiri people thank you.

At least they will once they surrender.

Drago, please... take care of them.

- Uh... - No, come on, come on.

Drago, come on, we have a whole bond.

Interesting thing about that scarab.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

It's just...

It seems like...

It was the wrong form.

Wrong form?

You know IYS actually insures the Zafir Scarab?

Liliana Inglestadt filled out the wrong form.

The w... the wrong form. Yeah.

Oh, she got a 10-year actuary rate,

when something worth 200 mil should have a policy

with at least three times the payout.

What is this blithering nonsense?

Usually when you have only one asset, you want it insured as much as possible.

Your ex-wife cheaped out on the insurance.

She doesn't think it's worth the payments

because she knows she knows.

She knows what?

Hey, hey, hey! Aah!

She knows it's fake.

She probably sold off the original years ago to fund her lifestyle.

Oh, the original scarab, that's probably scrap metal by now.

Not to be a downer, but you're pretty screwed right now.

You have no money to take back your country,

and the authorities look down on kidnapping.

[laughs]

Oh, you fools.

I've paid off all the local authorities.

Who said they were local?

Oh, I see, you're Deputy Inspector Herve of Interpol.

Well, I'm sure it would just take...

one big case to get you that promotion.

It seems international warrants have been issued

and Interpol agents will be here in no time.

Kill them all.

You didn't even get the scarab.

Uh, yeah, I'll, uh, find another way to pay for the coup.

Forget the coup.

You owe us for services already rendered.

Hey, I'll pay you.

I have ten...

Ten million.

That's 2.5 million for each of us here.

Transfer the money into our accounts, and we'll kill everyone here,

get you to safety.

Done.

Huh.

Okay, now it's all set up.

All the IRA needs is Navid's account numbers

to start making the automatic deposits.

[typing]

Aw, look at the cute little Swiss bank account number.

It's so adorable.

- [types] - Delete.

[beeps]

Where is it?

Uh, look, um, I can get money.

Liliana! We can kidnap her!

Time to leave, gentlemen.

That's it, calm and collected.

Hitter.

Hacker.

Thief.

And a Sophie.

Didn't lose my taser, did you, Harry?

Yeah, about that taser...

No, I said he's booked.

And, Alistair, unless you want a visit from my dentist at 2:00 AM,

I would patiently wait your turn.

[phone beeps]

So Navid actually chose to be arrested?

Well, it was either that or be killed by one of his own mercenaries.

And soldiers of fortune without their fortunes...

...tend to get a bit killy.

- [chuckles] - So what's next for Mr. Mastermind?

Some of our other crews caught wind of your superpower.

Turns out there's a lot of security guards who could use a nap.

- [laughs] - [phone rings]

[gasps]

[phone beeps]

Hardison!

Yes. Yeah, you would have loved it.

Yeah, it was like that time in Jakarta. Except this time I had balloons.

[laughs] Yes!

She is really legendary.

Well, maybe she's not the only one.

Seems like a man with your unique skills is in demand.

When I was writing the book, I never imagined I'd be in the field.

And as yourself, too... Not pretending to be anyone else.

Oh, speaking of which...

I was hoping you'd sign my copy.

This is a collector's item now.

The publisher was not very happy when I exercised my kill clause.

But at least I have all these jobs to help me pay back the advance.

I am sorry.

I didn't realize that the book would hurt so many people.

Including you.

Because of me, you weren't able to...

Wait.

Because of you, Navid will never again wear a crown,

and a country avoids a bloody coup.

I think that makes up for any kind of karmic imbalance.

Go on, sign my book.

With your real name.

"To Sophie.

Thank you for showing me my superpower.

Milton Friedlander."

To Milton Friedlander.

Because of you, I got to pull one last job...

with Nate Ford.

[coughs]

Nope, that's too...

Nope.

[coughs]

No, just... just knock it back in one... With one go.

Go on.

[sighs]

Too hot! Too hot! It burns!

[♪ theme music playing]

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