Original subtitles

[upbeat rock music]

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow ♪

- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

[music crescendos]

♪ ♪

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[sobbing]

Mighty barking thunder dog in the sky,

please stop barking.

I'll do anything.

Do you want me to stop licking myself?

[thunder booming]

Oh, oh, more licking.

♪ ♪

Okay, let's get to me, 'cause Honey's human

should be gettin' home soon to cry and pill herself to sleep.

We have time. Jill's volunteering

at the shelter for National Pet Adoption Day.

And when it rains, she pulls her car over

to calmly wait it out.

[screaming]

Well, then I'll share something small.

[clears throat]

When I left, Kevin was packing his big green suitcase.

He's leaving me for good this time.

I mean, do I blame him? No.

I'm just a useless, dumb,

and "overweight according to society's

warped perception of beauty" cat.

Chico, if you want others to love you,

you need to love yourself first.

Or you need to follow Kevin,

find out where he's going and why he's always abandoning you,

and then change everything about yourself

to get him to come back to you.

- That's ridiculous. - That's brilliant.

And as your kooky, less attractive BFF,

it's my job to go with you.

Let's go!

If we hurry, we may be able to sneak into his suitcase

before he finishes his preflight

crotch-lotioning-sock ritual.

Well, that was boring.

Luckily for you losers, I have something so personal,

so troubling--

Hey, where did Tchotchke go?

[thunder booming]

Oh, no, it's happening again!

The terrifying, bloodthirsty basement monsters

must have gotten Tchotchke!

[thunder booming] [all gasp]

According to lore,

which is short for Lori,

every National Pet Adoption Day,

the basement monsters emerge from their subterranean lair

and exact revenge on pets...

pets like us.

[thunder booming] [all gasp]

[laughs] Oh, silly Diablo, that's just a story

we tell our kids if we could have any.

The real monsters are the ones

that live inside of us.

Burn the house down, Nibbles.

Make fire happy.

Basement monsters are real!

And they're coming for me--

well, for all of us,

but it's mostly me I'm concerned about!

This is a wonderful opportunity

for immersion therapy,

the technique where I, the therapist,

cure the patient of their fear by immersing them

in whatever it is that frightens them.

Ooh, I'm afraid of naughty Catholic school turtles.

Come on, Diablo.

It's time for you to overcome this silly fear.

Honey, Honey, this is a huge violation!

But it is quite soothing to be carried.

Honey! Honey, no! Please!

Let me out!

I cannot wait to be deposed about this.

Trust me, Diablo. I know what I'm doing.

[thunder booming] - [yelps] Honey, what do we do?

The scary barking dog in the sky

is barking in the sky!

I-I-I don't have time for this, Chief.

I'm trying to get Diablo to confront his fears.

Confront fears...

and the other words you said

that relate to my current predicament.

Thanks, Honey! - Have fun.

[screaming] No!

Honey, this does not seem ethical,

but it is the content I come for.

Yeah, Diablo sounds truly terrified.

To the untrained ear, maybe, but to a professional,

those are the bloodcurdling screams of healing.

[screaming stops] And healed.

[chuckles] Diablo, you may now come out

and enjoy your life

unencumbered by irrational fears

based on nonsense.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Diablo?

Okay, Honey killed Diablo.

Pay up. - Not until I see the body.

[thunder booming]

♪ ♪

- [groans] - Why would Kevin

rather live here forever than live with me?

I don't know. Let's ask him.

I'm Kevin.

I'm here because I'm stupid and I don't realize

that I live with the greatest cat in the world.

Hey, don't call Kevin stupid, Kevin!

[yowls] - [grunts]

♪ ♪

[gasps] Kevin?

[thunder booming]

Hurry up and find Diablo already

so I can get into my thing!

Diablo!

Diablo, if you're trying to make me look bad,

it's not working.

It's not not working.

- Guys, look. - [gasps]

The basement monsters

dragged Diablo into that crawlspace.

Or Diablo thought this was a way out

and, um, got so excited,

he dragged his paws along the ground

while walking backwards,

leaving behind several of his nails,

which he had dipped in ketchup.

Yeah, blood-flavored ketchup.

Come on, let's go find him and prove I'm right.

Charge!

If you guys are afraid, you can go upstairs

and listen to Max talk about himself.

all: Charge!

♪ ♪

It's time to confront--

- [roars] - [screams]

Chief, what are you doin'?

It's rainin' cats and yous out there!

Well, I was gonna stand up

to the giant barking dog in the sky,

but have you ever seen how high the sky is?

Well, you could climb the radio tower

at the end of the LA River.

Then you'd be face-to-face with the scary barking dog.

And also, our Frisbee is up there,

so if you could grab that, that'd be fire.

Radio tower?

Perfect.

But how do we get there? It's flooding.

Easy. We'll build a boat.

Yes!

♪ We're buildin' a boat in the shed ♪

♪ Usin' this stuff that's layin' around ♪

♪ It's a montage, so you don't know how long it took ♪

♪ Maybe it was an hour or a half hour ♪

♪ Time's just really a construct ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

I've never been more proud of anything

in my entire life.

[all sigh]

- Huh? - Hey, a box.

I've never been more proud of anything

in my entire life.

Get in.

[adventurous music]

[thunder booming]

Diablo, come on out and tell everyone

how cured you are because of me.

I think I hear something coming from that grate.

[ominous whooshing]

Diablo?

[all scream]

We're jump-scare bats.

It's what we do.

Oof! For a second there,

I thought we were in real danger.

- Blahhh! - [screams]

Great job, Tabitha.

We're trapped. - We're trapped?

[all scream]

[thunder booming]

- Is that dead guy Kevin? - I don't know.

I've never seen what Kevin looks like dead.

But if it is Kevin, then maybe, just maybe,

I'd be able to wake him up with true love's first kiss.

You're not suggesting that you--

Oh, oh! Chico, no!

Eh, guess he's not Kevin.

Guess not. But just to be sure...

[moans]

Chico, this is not healthy!

[both grunt]

Ooh, string. Let's pull it.

[thunder booming]

[ominous music]

[both scream] [all screaming]

Well, that was a long scream.

We're all gonna die,

even the two of us who don't deserve to.

We're not going to die if we just stay calm!

[breathes deeply] So let's just split up

into two groups so we can find Diablo.

Fine. I'll go with Shel and Elsa.

No fair, why do you guys get three animals,

we only have two?

Shel, you're with us.

Now, ladies, I don't like

hearing you fight over me,

but I would like to see it.

Why don't we just pick names out of a hat?

Now, who knows how to write our names,

or use a pen, or has a hat?

Guys, look down there!

It's a way out! We're saved!

[screams]

Well, now we can pair up evenly... yeah?

[ominous music]

The monsters got Nibbles.

Game over, man. Game over.

We should have stayed in group

and listened to pig talk about himself.

[gasps] - Don't say that!

Don't you ever say that!

All right, we're going to be fine.

If we just stick together and stay calm,

I'm sure we'll find Diablo,

and Nibbles, and Tchotchke.

[screams]

And Tabitha.

Maybe we should--

and I'm just spitballing here--

scream and run in all directions.

[all screaming]

[tense music]

[groggily] Great job, Tabitha.

[panting]

♪ ♪

Whew.

[both scream]

Oh, it's you.

Shel, could my inability to admit I was wrong

have gotten everyone killed?

Don't beat yourself up-- not everyone.

Oh, now it's everyone!

[gasps]

[growls]

[roars]

[sighs]

This is a nightmare!

We're trapped with a pack

of gigantic multicolored animals.

I don't know how Kevin got mixed up with these creatures,

but I do know he's in danger.

[sniffs] You smell that? Kevin is close.

We have to find him before he ends up

like that great kisser we met in the luggage cargo.

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

Mm, very garbage-forward

with hints of hepatitis C.

Uh, guys?

[all yelling]

[rock music]

[all yelp]

[groans]

Oh, no! [yells]

- [roars] - [screams]

[yelps]

Our boat!

[all gasping]

[both grunt]

[both sigh]

[yelps] Small Fun Raccoon, take my handlike paw!

[grunts]

[exciting music]

No!

[cries]

And just like that, Small died.

[suspenseful music]

[groaning]

Diablo? Shel? And the rest?

You're all alive!

Which I knew all along.

Where are we?

We've been taken

to the basement monster's nest

to be used as living prey for the larva hatchlings

that were implanted inside us...

I'm assuming.

So... anybody want to finally admit

they screwed up?

Hmm, yeah, anybody?

Anybody? No?

Well, I guess no one screwed up, Tabitha.

What a weird question. [bottle clatters]

♪ ♪

[all scream]

Look, it's Tchotchke.

I told you! We're saved!

all: Yay!

Followed by a bunch

of terrifying basement monsters.

We're doomed!

all: Boo!

What's Tchotchke doing?

He's trying to tell us something.

Guys, I'll interpret. I'm fluent in Tchotchke-ese.

Don't be scared.

These are my friends, my discarded friends.

They are...

♪ ♪

And...

[all scream]

You see, every year,

thousands of animals are adopted

on National Pet Adoption Day.

But hipsters often adopt exotic animals

just to have something to post on social.

Soon after my friends were taken in,

their owners lost interest.

They lived as nomads like that Frances McDormand movie

no one saw but pretended to like.

Ah!

[thunder crashes]

I found some of the survivors

and snuck them here under Jill's house for safety,

where they've since lived in secret.

That is literally the saddest thing

I've ever lost interest in halfway through.

Why didn't you tell us, Tchotchke?

Being abandoned creates trust issues,

so they made me keep their existence a secret,

which I understand because I, too,

am a glazed doughnut.

Oh, sorry, I misinterpreted.

I, too, am a discarded pet.

all: Aww.

[thunder booming]

Kevin? [sniffs] Kevin?

[intercom dings] - Buckle up, Furries.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride, but we're going to get you

to your convention safely and on time.

[sniffs] Smell that?

[groans] My bad.

Turns out, flying makes me nervous.

[gags] - No, I'm saying

I smell Kevin above us.

Come on.

[snoring]

[sniffing]

Oh, my God, this creature ate my Kevin!

Now he's really never gonna come home.

[thunder booming]

[tense music]

Aw, we should probably give up.

No, Small Fun would have wanted us to continue,

is something you say in these situations.

Plus, look over there.

[thunder rumbling] - [growling]

You really think I can do this?

Oh, not at all.

Small Fun was the one who believed in you.

Then he died.

But at this point, I mean, we're here, right?

You're right, we are here!

♪ Climbing a ladder to confront the dog ♪

[roars]

- [snoring] - [yowling]

Kevin's dead!

D-S-Q-P, dead!

[gasps]

Uh, excuse me, ma'am. - Oh, my God!

Kevin's still alive inside that mutant freak.

- Can I get a Diet Coke? - And he's thirsty.

Poor guy is being digested alive,

and there's nothing I can do about it.

[gags]

[bell dings]

Hand me that puke bag.

I have a better idea.

I'm coming, partially digested Kevin!

[groans, retches]

[thunder rumbling]

Tchotchke, why have you never told us

you're a discarded pet?

I've always felt great shame.

You see, I was bought by a mystery celebrity--

let's call him Pustin Peeber--

who paraded me around as a trophy pet.

But the second he learned

he couldn't travel with me to Orlando,

I was tossed away like garbage.

[somber music]

That's heartbreaking, Tchotchke...

and exactly the kind of thing

we could have addressed in therapy.

[overenunciating] And none of you have to worry.

Your secret is safe with us.

See? You didn't have to terrorize and kidnap them.

This group is my family. We can let them go.

Sorry, upstairs pets.

[all gasp]

We've been listening to your group

through that vent for months,

and we've heard Honey talk about loving yourself

and being worthy of happiness.

Well, we deserve a good life too,

the kind of life you upstairs animals have.

So we're going to take your lives,

like in that hit movie "Us"

we also heard through the vent.

[all gasp] - Any last words?

What are you?

I'm a ferret put on steroids

to look like a poodle.

People do that to smuggle us in the country.

Find out more here.

BRB never!

[thunder booming]

Oh, God. Tchotchke really let us down.

The water's rising. What do we do?

I don't know, but it's not my fault!

I didn't do anything wrong.

And I'm never wrong, never. Never, never, never.

- Honey's broken. - Not to worry.

Max has probably seen the discarded pets by now

and is on his way to rescue us.

I mean it is amazing how fast you can go from,

"Oh, my God, I'm talking to Nic Cage,"

to, "Oh, my God, someone get me away from Nic Cage."

Nibbles, you get it.

But we probably shouldn't count on it.

[grunts] I can reach you, Diablo,

but your paw's gotta go.

Wait, what? Just chew through the rope!

Okay, fine.

Quick, untie the rest of us.

[grunting]

I can't do it!

I guess now is a good time to tell you

that I don't have any top teeth.

- Eww. - Yuck.

Diablo, climb through those vents

and open the door on the other side.

No way, it is too scary and dark in there.

And what about the vent monsters?

They are way worse than the basement monsters!

[thunder booming]

You got this, Chief!

He's just as scared of you as you are of him...

is also something I've heard people say in these situations.

He's just as afraid of me?

- [growls] - [grunting]

Listen, buddy. I get it.

I know what it's like to be scared.

But giving in to that fear has turned you into a giant dingus.

Underneath all that sky drama,

I bet you're a really good boy.

And I'm sure if we got to know each other, we'd be friends.

So what do you say?

Friends? - [roars]

[screams, grunts]

[electricity crackling]

So... no Frisbee?

Mine was blue.

Ew, ew! [gagging]

[both screaming]

Kevin, hold on!

Don't let him digest you!

[thunder rumbling, electricity crackling]

[grunts]

[ominous choral music]

[triumphant music]

[bell dings]

Kevin, you're still alive!

We killed the beast!

Chico? What are you doing here?

I love you too!

[intercom dings] - Uh, this is your captain.

One of our engines is out,

so we have to turn around and head back to Burbank.

Oh, great. Guess we're going home.

We're going home? Together?

I did it.

I saved you, and I won you back.

No hard feelings, man. I get it.

If I had a mouth your size, I'd eat him too.

- [screams] - I don't want to die!

- I'm too young to go. - Oh, guys.

I'm so sorry that my fears

are preventing me from saving all of you.

Wait, no, Diablo.

You can't die thinking this is your fault.

It's my f--

it's my f... ault.

That's right, because of my hubris,

we're all going to die.

See, Honey? Was that so difficult?

Wow Honey, finally admitting

you were wrong about something was really brave.

And if you can be that brave, then maybe I can too!

I'll be back! [panting]

Thank you, Honey!

Because of you, I am overcoming--

- Go! - Hurry up!

Jeez!

Hurry!

[grunts] Don't drown yet!

I'm coming!

That's what she s-- [gurgling]

[grunting]

[tense music]

[all gasp]

- Thank you! - Diablo, you saved us!

Saving us was the easy part.

Believing he could save us, that's the work.

You're welcome.

So now I've got Nic Cage showing up all the time.

He wants to get matching tattoos.

It's like, I know you're lonely, but, dude,

isn't there some Coppola you can talk to?

Max, get away from those animals!

They're basement monsters!

Actually, they're discarded pets

who have no homes and just want to be loved, but still!

And they want to replace us and take over our lives.

Even Diablo's life.

It's time to go to war.

Yes! Yes!

- Attack! - [yowls]

Discarded pets, fight back! [all yelling]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time-out.

Just so I understand what's happening,

you guys are not you guys?

Exactly.

And you want to kill them

because they're loved and they have homes?

- Exactly! - Okay, cool, cool, cool.

As you were. [all yelling]

Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt again,

but what if instead of having a bloody battle

that's probably gonna ruin the couch,

I could find you discarded pets a home

with a famous lonely bachelor

who could really use the company?

What do you think?

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

Hey there, little guys.

You sure look like you could use a loving home

with lots of dark secrets.

[laughs] What do you say?

I love you, Nic Cage.

You're not monsters.

The humans who discarded you are.

Don't get a pet you can't take care of...

or a dinosaur skull you can't liquidate.

[upbeat music]

Small Fun! Huh, you're alive!

Thanks to this bag.

I don't know why they call it single-use plastic,

'cause it held a tuna fish sandwich

and saved my life.

[birds chirping] - [gasps] I did it!

The giant barking dog in the sky is gone!

[chuckles] I did it!

Yay, and I accomplished my thing too.

And now we have nothing to be scared of ever ag--

[both scream]

Bento. [all cheering]

That's nice, Jen and Gabby.

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