Original subtitles

Mm. There are 5,000 channels on this damn box

and I can't ever find what the hell I want.

E-S-P-N.

Just a regular goddamn remote.

I told you what you need to do.

You need to cut all of that off.

You know, the cable, the electric, the gas.

All of it, just... cut it off.

Nigga, you know I'm not doing that.

Why not?

'Cause I ain't no hipster living with his sister's

girlfriend's cousin picking boysenberries or some shit.

Nigga, I'm rich.

Plus, you can't stream everything.

What can't you stream?

You know, man, shit like the news.

- Huh? - The news, my nigga?

- This nigga said "the news." - Are you 80 years old?

Yes, nigga. Yeah, the news.

Yeah, I watch that.

I want to stay informed and shit.

That's why I watch CNN.

Isn't CNN that place where you take your kids

to play in the fountains?

Look, you want to know if somebody died, TMZ.

You want to know if someone's canceled, Twitter.

You want to know what's going on in the Black community?

Shade Room comments section.

- Exactly. - Or Lipstick Alley.

- Right. Right. - Yo, y'all heard about that Crank Dat Killer?

Crank Dat what?

Wait, man, Wait. I heard about this theory.

Most of the Black murders that have occurred

in the past year and a half have all been linked

to a common denominator.

All the victims made "Crank Dat" dance videos

back in the day.

- What? - Yeah.

I-I didn't believe it either, but...

this dude on Lipstick Alley, man, he did his homework, man.

He cited his work and everything.

Yeah, I mean, I believe him.

Soulja Boy just better watch his back,

that's all I know.

Yeah, it's a good thing none of us made "Crank Dat" videos,

'cause this guy seems pissed.

And whoever did, man,

they better watch their back.

You know, I bet you he got tabs on 'em and everything.

Yeah. The FBI wants to talk to anybody

who's been to the Pool Palace, you know,

in the past ten years.

No, I heard the killer got,

like, white glasses like Fabo.

He come in, he like...

- He got a knife. - Yeah, and with the...

You all right, man?

Hmm?

♪ Ah...♪

♪ Soulja Boy off in this ho♪

♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll♪

♪ Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy♪

♪ Then Superman that ho♪

♪ Now watch me crank that Soulja Boy...♪

Look, man, it was 2007, all right?

I-I trapped in the parking lot of GreenBriar

the entire summer.

It was hot, it was boring.

I must've ate about a hundred Pretzelmaker pretzels, man.

Of course I fucked around and made one of these videos, man.

Look, if you sold drugs in Atlanta,

you made a "Crank Dat" video, okay?

So me and my homie J-Berg, we recorded this.

And this has been on the Internet the entire time?

Man, J-Berg posted that shit.

I would call his ass and tell him to take it down,

but then the nigga would have my phone number.

Plus the nigga's probably dead.

Gotta be real with you, uh, even I don't like this.

But, you know, look, it got 25 views,

so you could be in the good.

The killer may not have even seen it.

Nigga, I ain't worried about no

goddamn "Crank Dat" killer, man.

Hey, look, see if you can get this scrubbed

off the Internet, Earn, all right?

The last thing I need is niggas hyped over this story

finding my ass, all right?

All right.

♪ Then Superman that ho...♪

- Mm. - You know,

when you look deeper into it,

spiritually it's a little deeper.

You see, our roots...

kind of deal with dancing.

No, you don't gotta do that. This is bad.

It's real bad.

♪ Slime♪

♪ Okay, shit, I just woke up in an animal♪

♪ I just woke up in a Lambo♪

♪ Flawless baguettes and an orange Richard♪

♪ I just had bust down a cantaloupe♪

♪ Niggas want beef and I'm tryna be vegan♪

♪ But fuck it, bae, bring a can of smoke.♪

Whoo!

'Aight, 15 minutes to record a track.

That gotta be a record.

Man, why is it so hard to get sneakers nowadays?

Me and Darius are trying to get these

Nike Miracles, man.

The shit sold out in, like, 30 seconds.

Yeah, man, resellers got the game fucked up, man.

Might as well be shoe gentrification.

Hey, why don't you just call Nike

and have 'em send you a pair for me?

I already did. They told me to go to hell.

It is what it is, man. Sorry.

Hey, man, bounce that track back from the top.

- Hey, Paper Boi. - Yo.

There's a guy in the next room over

that wanted to pop in and say what's up.

Some guy named Doug?

Yeah.

Yeah, tell him it's cool, man.

You can tell him it's cool.

Who? Doug? What?

Nigga, man. No, some--

- He's a rapper: Some Guy Named Doug. - Oh.

He always trying to get me on a track with his ass and shit.

Man, I mean, he a cool dude,

but his music sound like ass, nigga.

- Yeah, his music does suck. - Yeah.

Great guy, though.

Aw, there he go.

- Ha ha! Paper Boi! - Ah...

What's going on, Some Guy Named Doug?

I knew I heard you in here. What's good, man?

Oh, man, you know, laying it down, babe.

Shit, you in here cooking up?

You know, you know, on the regular, man.

Yo, we should get on a song together.

Oh, man, man, I would love to do that, man,

but I'm on my way out, man,

and the system just crashed, my nigga.

- Wow. Really? - Yeah, man.

Well, what you been working on? Play me something.

Oh, man, I can't 'cause the speaker's busted, too, man.

Oh, you can just email it to me.

And the motherfuckin' Wi-Fi down, too.

- All this shit connected, nigga. - What?!

I've been trying to tell these niggas to get a router.

Damn, every time, man.

Look, one of these days

we gonna get on a song together.

- Hey, man, I'm down. -'Aight?

- Yeah. - One day.

- One day, nigga. -'Aight, man, I'm-a call you.

- Hey, you could text. - Okay, I'm-a text you.

- Yeah, yeah. - I got some new beats, too.

- Fire! - All right. Yeah.

- I'm-a send it to you. - All right, you do that.

You do that, you do that you do that.

That's cool.

I gotta get a new phone, nigga, like, immediately, 'cause...

- Doug's a nice guy. - He's-he's incredibly kind, man.

- Hey, you back this up? - No, we done.

Oh, shit, it's smoking like a motherfucker, man.

Oh, man.

We ain't gotta pay for that, right? Like...?

No, we ain't gotta pay for that.

All right, I'll catch you later.

- Hey, man, hit me when you get home. - All right.

Shit, man.

What the fuck was I thinking?

Babe.

Babe! We're here.

My bad.

You should, uh...

you should go home, get more sleep before work.

No. Not with your little brother and sister

running around.

Babe, we gotta move out of your mom's place.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

You know, I support your rap career and everything,

but maybe it's time you thought about

getting a real job, like a career.

Just in case the rap thing, you know...

Look, baby, remember how I told you about

how Big Sean got discovered?

Yeah.

You said he rapped for Kanye

outside of a radio station or something.

Exactly.

All I need is one opportunity.

And I'm gonna be prepared for when that moment comes.

Just have faith.

Please?

Okay.

I promise you that everything's gonna be okay.

All right, take care of Mommy, Little Juanita.

So who is this guy?

Uh, he is but a man with many shoes.

The neighborhood knows him as Shoe Man.

So he's kind of like Sock Man, except for shoes.

Yeah, but Sock Man had an actual store.

This-this is a van.

No, man, this guy's legit.

Shoe know what it is. Yes, sir.

Hey...

Hop in, gentlemen.

All right.

Get that door for me, champ?

- Oh, yeah. - Appreciate you.

So how can I help you boys?

We want to get the... the Nike Miracles.

- Yeah, they're sold out... - What size?

11. Right?

- 11 for you, too? - Yeah, 11.

I got 11, 10 and a half.

- Last two. - Ah.

Really?

Damn, that's surprising.

They usually don't be having any 11s.

Whoa!

- Yes. - Really?

- Yes. - These legit?

Yeah, they real. That's why they call me the Shoe Man.

- All right. - Damn.

Um, how much?

Nothing, really.

Just let me see you two kiss.

- I'm sorry? - What?

Just let me see y'all two kiss in the backseat.

- All right. I mean, that's easy. - Wait. No, no, no.

Wait. Hold on.

How much for the shoes, man?

How much money do you want?

I don't need money, man. Everybody got money.

Yeah, man, look, it ain't that big of a deal.

We just knock this out. Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.

- I don't want to kiss you. - Be on with our day.

Look, I know you're not gay, bro.

That's not the point. Okay?

I don't want to kiss my friend for shoes.

So, what, you want to kiss a stranger?

- I don't understand what... - I don't want to kiss

anybody, Darius.

Damn, y'all back?

I'm gonna need an answer, fellas, I got a line.

Do you need to look at 'em again?

Nigga is stupid.

Trash.

- MAN [over phone]: Hello? - Hello?

Hey, hey. Hey, Soulja, man, what's up, man?

Paper Boi? What up, brah?

Oh, you know, man, I'm coolin', coolin'.

Hey, hey, I got a dumbass qu-- I got a dumbass question, man.

Yeah? What up?

Um, you heard anything about this "Crank Dat" killer stuff?

Are you serious? Of course I have.

I got more "Crank Dat" content on the Internet than anyone.

Too much to count.

I basically invented YouTube.

Yeah, definitely.

You lucky, man.

Lucky you ain't got a bunch of

"Crank Dat" videos like me.

Oh, you know what?

This shit. Back in the day, man, I did, actually.

What?

What are you saying, man? You made a "Crank Dat" song?

Yeah, man, but... I ain't call it that.

I called it the "Crank Dat Jimmy Neutron."

- You know what I'm saying? - Nigga, what?! That was you?

Yo, you gotta skip town just like me then.

Wait, you serious?

If I was you, I'd be on the way

to my safe farm right now.

Safe farm? What the hell is a safe farm?

A farm that's safe.

If you don't got a safe farm, you good as dead.

You know...

"Like a good nigga,

safe farm is there."

Nigga, what the fuck is you talking about?

I don't know, man. I'm tired, I'm scared.

Yo, get all the Soulja-tendo game systems. All of 'em. Look,

you are not safe, man.

I don't care who you are,

you got a "Crank Dat" video out there,

you better watch your back.

I gotta go.

But...

Where the hell are my glasses at?

Safe farm.

So what's up, fellas? This kiss ain't gonna French itself.

French ki-- Nah, you didn't say that before. French?

I'm sorry, it's just an expression I'm trying out.

Okay, we got a couple questions.

Uh, right?

How long a kiss are we talking here?

- Eight minutes? - Eight minutes?

- No, man. Come on. - No. Come on, man, that's...

- That's a whole, like, Animaniacs. - That's fine. Then let's haggle.

Yeah, that's a make-out...

Well, let's haggle, then.

A peck on the lips.

What, you kissing your grandma? Nigga, please.

- Two minutes at least. - Man, fuck this.

- Man, fuck these shoes. - Okay, hold on.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. All right, look.

Well, but-- Let me and him discuss this one-on-one, please.

And we'll definitely come back with an answer for you.

It better be worth it.

I know it is.

Man, do what you want, man. I'm not doing it.

What do you mean you're not doing it, man?

What I'm supposed to do, just kiss myself?

I can't...

These things are worth $10,000, man.

- I've seen it online. - Then pay it.

Pay the $10,000 online.

I'm not gonna pay $10,000 for something I can get for $200.

That just-- The principle of that--

Exactly. It's the principle, okay?

I get it, okay?

I like sneakers. You like sneakers.

But like a lot of Black men,

we put an excessive amount of value in them, okay.

Is it really worth our dignity?

There are only a thousand in the, like,

- in the whole world. - Man...

You've seen me wear $900 loafers

that would get me roasted at any

- Black high school in Atlanta. - Yeah. True.

I've seen billionaires walk into

very important meetings wearing some dirty Vans.

I've seen you wear a paper towel around your head

and make it look cool, like Jadakiss.

That was a fun summer, huh?

I'll kiss you if you want for these sneakers,

but I think we're above this.

I think you know I'm right.

Mm.

I think we should do it.

Hey, Shoe Man,

two orders of Nike Miracles, please.

Let's do this.

Y'all ready?

Hey, how you doing today?

Uh, can I get one soft pretzel?

Paper Boi?

I'm gonna give you two extra pretzels.

Don't tell nobody though.

Mm, can I get you on my Instagram Live?

Hell no.

Um...

- Hey, can I ask you something? - Mm-hmm.

How you know it was me?

Only famous people trying to blend in

come in dressed like that.

You're the only nigga in here with a hat with no logo on it.

You know how hard it is to find a hat without a logo on it?

See?

That's Chris Evans.

Hmm.

Free samples.

Free samples.

Free sample? Free sample?

Free sample.

Try our Bourbon Street chicken?

Nigga, everybody already knows what that taste like.

Free sample.

Hey, Roberto.

Hey, Chartreuse.

Free samples.

Free samples.

You heard Paper Boi here?

Like, for real?

- Mm-hmm. - Where?

My homegirl Tiffany said his fat ass was getting

a pretzel at Pretzelmaker.

You...

Okay, this is it. This is it.

I-- Yo, I got to go spit for him.

- Mm. - Cover me.

Nigga, I work at Sbarro!

Oh!

Hmm.

Turn right.

Turn right.

You have reached your destination.

Paper Boi!

Shit.

Oh, shit!

Mm.

I'm s-- I'm sorry. Sorry.

- Fuck. -♪ Running it out♪

♪ Come in correct or I come at your neck♪

♪ Yeah, ooh, Paul Wall♪

♪ All of my dawgs, ball to the death♪

-♪ Ball to the death♪ -♪ Ooh, yeah, I want it all♪

♪ Money, the power and the respect...♪

- Can I help you? - What?

Can I help you?

Yeah. Uh...

Uh, can I see, um,

one of these digital display belt buckles, please?

Really? I got to be honest with you,

last person I sold one of these to was a crackhead.

Maybe you'll start a trend.

You want one of those gold belt buckles down there, too?

Tell the truth.

You're a crackhead, right?

Oh, shit!

Get out the way!

What the fuck?

What the fuck is going on here?

Come here.

♪ Ayo, yo, my life's like a movie, my eyes are like a Uzi♪

-♪ Jacuzzis...♪ - Nigga, get the fuck out the way!

So you boys ready?

All right, uh, yeah.

Ready to do this?

- You said three seconds, right? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

♪ Then I finally found you♪

♪ All my life...♪

Out of mind.

Just be in the moment.

♪ And I hope that you feel♪

♪ The same way, too♪

♪ Yes I pray that you♪

♪ Do love me, too♪

♪ I said you're all that I'm thinking of...♪

♪ Said I promise to never fall in love...♪

Two Nike Miracles, please...

Oh, oh...

What...?

♪ For sending me your love, I cherish every hug...♪

Bro...

- Uh... - We're already implicated.

Yeah, fuck, then let me grab...

Oh, shit! Shit, man!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Hey!

Just shoot that motherfucker, man!

Paper Boi, get in!

Get in!

Come on.

Go, go, go, man! Go!

Go, nigga, go, go, go!

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Oh, shit! Yes, yes, yes! Oh, my God!

Man! Some Guy Named Doug, bruh!

Oh, you saved my life, man!

You saved my motherfucking life, nigga!

Oh, God! Ah, that shit was crazy back there, man!

Brazy!

But it's all good, man. Don't even--

- Don't even trip. - Oh, my God, man!

Oh, God.

Look, man, I owe you one. For real, man, I owe you one.

Oh, God.

What was you even doing out here, my nigga?

It was fate, I guess.

- Right place at the right time. - Hell yeah, man.

I'm actually, uh, headed to the studio.

Yo.

Yo, yo! We got to get a song together!

Today, man! It's fate, man, come on.

We got to do it. Today's the day.

And I just made a new beat this morning.

Want to hear it?

Yeah.

Bet you'll go crazy on it!

You're gonna go crazy in the studio, man!

I can't wait to have a song with Paper Boi!

Man, this about to go amazing!

Hey, man, yes!

: Paper Boi. Paper Boi.

About to be the song of the year.

Let's get it.

Hello?

Hey.

Ah.

Okay, I see you out here, boy. Nice, man.

You actually, you know, got a green thumb.

Yeah, man, you think?

I was thinking about buying a farm, man.

Oh, for real?

You know, like they say.

"Like a good nigga, safe farm is there."

That's a good idea actually.

Oh, yeah, uh, you know what? They found

that, uh, "Crank Dat" killer.

- Word? - Yeah.

Here, right there.

Man, he thick though. It's weird for a serial killer...

- Right? - Yeah.

That's crazy, brah.

Yeah.

What you end up doing today?

Aw, man, you know, I don't know,

went to the mall.

Ran into a nigga I had beef with from high school.

- Mm. - Yeah, really? What happened?

I think that nigga's still mad, man.

Yo, man.

Those are nice sneakers.

- It's about time you noticed. - Sorry.

Good looking though, yeah.

I had to do a little something for them.

It was worth it.

What's this nigga talking about?

It's your boy Paper Boi on the track.

Hey, you ain't got to say my name on the track.

What the hell is that?

Is that you and Some Guy Named Doug?

All right, tell me when, nigga.

All right, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah...

- Yep. Yep. - Damn.

Okay, yeah. It's trash.

♪ With Paper Boi and Some Guy Named Doug...♪

Yep.

♪ I be feeling kind of lonely♪

♪ Sometimes I be crying on my rollie♪

♪ Sometimes all my fame, it can make you mad... ♪

How do I catch the rhythm on it? There's not really a rhythm.

You know what, man? That's the thing.

I don't, I don't really know.

It's more sound than music.

Yeah. Yeah, it is, right?

♪ Play this for your grandmama when you in the whip♪

♪ Come on, Paper Boi, get on the track♪

♪ All right, chill, yeah, man, hold up♪

♪ Uh, yo--♪

♪ Paper Boi's in the studio right now♪

♪ Man, you holding your finger up, I don't know♪

♪ What the fuck, all right, yeah, uh-huh, yeah♪

♪ P-A-P-E-R♪

♪ Boi, he right here right now♪

♪ That's my dawg, y'all♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, snap♪

♪ You crazy for this with Some Guy Named Doug♪

-♪ Yep♪ -♪ Okay, that was kind of hard for real♪

-♪ I ain't gonna even l-- hey♪ -♪ Uh-huh♪

♪ Some Guy Named Doug♪

♪ Sometimes I be feeling kind of lonely♪

♪ Sometimes I be crying on my rollie♪

♪ Sometimes all my fame, it can make you mad♪

♪ But all this money, that'll make you glad♪

♪ I'm an actor now♪

♪ Hey!♪

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org