Original subtitles

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THE APE WOMAN

- Also St. Theophilus, Mother. - Yes, that's right.

- Can we start, Father? - I can never remember your name.

- Antonio, like St. Anthony. - How nice.

Press this button to use the megaphone.

See?

- All set? - Excuse me, Father...

- May I say a few words? - Yes, Mother Superior.

Dearest seniors... Don't take off your hats, you'll get cold.

You'll now see pictures of the missionary father,

then you will present the tinfoil and postage stamps

we collected to aid the poor black children.

My dears...

My dears... these images that you're about to see

are evidence of an apostolate,

painful, glorious, but necessary.

God weeps as long as there is one pagan on the earth.

- Quiet! Silence! - God weeps for the pagans!

Hey! Silence, this is a serious slide show.

Silence. Quiet!

- Next one, next! - Right away, Father.

A missionary with a beautiful black gal!

Look at that!

Look at the scary people!

Being a missionary ain't bad!

Silence!

That's a good camera. German. I had one like it, I bought it in Monte Carlo.

But this one's in better condition.

- Know how to work this? - Of course.

I've used more complicated devices.

Well then, I'm going to get some food.

- You take over then. - Go ahead.

- Do these next. - Don't worry, I'll handle it.

The missionary father is next.

Bloody!

Reflect on what I'm saying. Bloody!

Excuse me. May I? Hello.

Anna.

- Hello. - Who are you?

- The projectionist. - Who sent you?

- Mother Superior for luncheon. - What's "luncheon"?

- Food. - We're still cooking.

- Self service. I'll do it myself. - Peppers, potatoes, fish

- I don't like fish. What's this? - Help yourself.

- There's grilled meat too. - Mind if I taste it?

- Too hot. - Grilled meat, have some.

If Mother Superior sent you, eat up.

Yes, thanks. You carry on working, I'll serve myself.

Stop staring and chop! Antonia, finish cleaning, hurry.

- Some bread, please. - Here.

Is that cheese? Let me have a taste.

- Here's the bread, it's good. - Just a bit.

- We have lots. - I'd love some wine.

- Without wine, I can't eat. - Of course, I'm sorry.

Shut off the stove!

- Shoo! Hasn't he eaten? - He's a baby...

He only drinks milk.

- Your wine. - Thanks.

- Make room for him. - Sunday I'll take you dancing.

I'm married with 10 children. If my husband heard you, he'd kill you.

Impressive. You can still dance if you have 10 children!

We'll go dancing.

- With my friend too. - I'll take you all out.

- Dance the polka. - The polka?

- That's old-fashioned now. - Oh well

- I'll teach you the Hully Gully. - I know it, but she...

You know it? Good!

We'll bring your friend too... Right, miss?

Miss, hear me?

Don't you want to come dancing on Sunday?

Is she deaf? Miss, I'm talking to you.

Who do you think you are, Sophia Loren?

Come here.

She has hair all over her body and her face.

- Her mother is crazy. - Crazy?

Be quiet! Sshh...

All hairy?

- It can't be that bad. - She thinks so.

Hairy woman, virtuous woman.

Look what you've done!

Now she's crying because of you.

- What did I do? - She's crying.

I didn't know it would offend her. Miss, I apologize.

- Miss. - She's crying now.

Miss.

Miss, I'm sorry.

I didn't know it would offend you. I apologize.

- Will you forgive me? - Yes.

Now that I have apologized, can I see you?

Come on, don't be a baby. I'll stay here all night.

- You can't hide all night. - Show him your face.

Leave me alone.

She's under my protection.

- What is your name? - Maria.

Maria, show me your face. Just for a second.

You must be kidding. I didn't see anything.

Let me get a good look.

Why are you taking such liberties? We don't know each other.

Turn around and let me see.

I was expecting something much worse.

It's just a bit of beard, nothing else.

I've seen much worse.

It's not worth interrupting my meal for that.

See, he's not terrified.

He's affectionate, he likes you.

He'll marry you...

She has hairy hands too.

Her body's hairy too, like an ape.

Like this...

Why are you crying?

Am I terrifying you? Listen up...

Who has a beard, you or me?

So I'm the one who should be afraid.

Why are you running away? Mind your own business!

Stop it! Be quiet, come on.

I won't hurt her. Turn around.

Let me see. Why are you crying?

- Here, blow. - You're bad.

Blow your nose. Blow.

- You're a unique person. - I am an orphan.

I have some ideas whirling in my mind...

You're beautiful, stupendous.

Come into the light so I can see you better.

- How old are you? - I don't know.

- You don't know? - No.

- You've been here long? - I don't know.

Wouldn't you like to get out of here? Be honest...

- No, I've never gone anywhere. - Why not?

Because you're ashamed and... Can you leave us alone?

We're having a serious talk.

I have a room here, I eat every day...

You're here because you don't know where to go.

I'll make sure you're not ashamed anymore. Look at me.

Wouldn't you like to live like others and leave with me?

I know you'd like that. You're lucky you met a genius like me.

I'm a genius, understand?

- I'll help you get out of here. - But...

- Do you know what an artist is? - But I'm happy here!

- Peeling potatoes? - I can't go out!

Why not? I'll turn you into an artist.

People will want your autograph and will admire you.

I'm an entrepreneur. Do you know the Equine Brothers?

I was their manager.

Antonio!

Antonio!

Coming!

Hold your horses!

I brought the tree but these wretches won't let me through.

- What is all this stuff? - Ma'am, please.

- What is this? - That's my business.

Do your job and I'll do mine.

- Where are you putting this tree? - In my garage.

Talk one at a time, please!

- Talk to me. - Okay.

- Where are you putting this tree? - Live and let live!

What does live and let live mean?

I'll explain if you let me speak.

Are we talking about tax stamps and excises?

- We're all above board. - Shall I go to the precinct?

Shall I summon the sergeant? Let the tree through.

Come on...

- What the hell! - Come on. Make way!

Hear me? This area is full of money, millions!

Don't worry. Go on.

- Like it, Antonio? - Come on.

Careful, nice and easy!

Antonio, 20,000 liras! Look at those beautiful branches!

- 20,000 liras! - Yes, I understand.

Lower the trunk!

Stop!

- Put the tree in the hole. - Give me 20,000 liras first.

- Where's my 20,000 liras? - Don't you trust me?

- Trust is optional. - Put the tree there.

Alright, put it there.

Don't break the branches. It's important.

Maria, Maria.

Get up, the tree's here.

Maria?

What are you doing? Don't peel potatoes in the morning.

And don't cover yourself. I'm used to it by now.

- I'm ashamed. - There's no need to be.

The tree's here, let's get to work.

Give me 20,000 liras.

- I have nothing. - Don't be silly.

I know you have money hidden under the bed.

- I have nothing, I swear. - You're so pigheaded.

For every 1,000 liras you invest, you'll earn 10,000.

Don't you trust me?

How do you know I have money under the bed?

I know everything, my dear.

Give me the money, they're waiting.

I'll give it to you, but if you throw me out

I can't return to the home without money...

Why would I throw you out? Nonsense...

We have to work, that's all. Another 10,000 liras.

We have to practice your act.

What are you making with those peeled potatoes?

- Minestrone. - Good.

- How's everything? - Fine.

- Is it planted well? - Beautiful job.

Do you like it? It's original.

Now give me a nice gift.

- Here, 10,000 liras. - We said 20,000!

- You stole the tree. - So what? I took a risk.

- Relax. - You pay the boys?

- No, pay them 2,000 liras. - Nonsense!

Get lost. That's what the tree's worth.

- So what if I stole it? - Don't be pretentious.

- Don't call me again. - Let's go!

Let's go!

Disgraceful!

In distant Africa...

- Maria! - Hold on.

- Come here. - But I'm cooking.

Leave the potatoes, this is more important!

Hey, don't attack me... Stay calm.

Come on, climb the tree! Up! Up!

You don't get it.

You are the ape woman. I captured you in Africa.

You are wild. Wild!

You have to try to attack me when I say "Up!" with the whip.

Then jump in circles and climb the tree.

- I was making minestrone. - Who cares!?

We have the tree now, let's practice your act.

The sooner you learn, the sooner I can return your money.

Come on, don't make me angry. Try and learn.

It's a show. We have to practice your act.

People are going to pay to see things,

they don't want to just look at your face.

You have to learn to climb,

and act like a sort of Tarzan.

Come on, try to climb. I tried myself, it's fine.

Hang from the branch, and dangle. Come on.

I can't

I can't do it!

- Antonio! - All you do is make minestrone.

It hurts!

Go on.

Well done.

Help!

No, shoulders up and dangle your arms.

- Like this? - No, that's a ghost!

A rag doll! Come on, look at him!

- Look at how he eats... - He's not doing anything.

What do you mean? Look at him.

Hey you. Move, do something. Get busy!

Come on, try to imitate him.

Hey, are you trying to piss me off?

Get up and do something!

Come on!

Bastard... Now he's moving!

You want us to stone you. What are you laughing at?

The chimpanzee is dangerous. He has the strength of 50 men.

Imitate him.

Move like a rubber band

and then react like a chimpanzee. Understand?

- Expose your face. - Here?

Yes, don't be afraid. No one is here.

There's a big difference

your nose is too straight. Go like this...

No, put your tongue between your teeth.

- I can't. I'm embarrassed. - Look at him now.

- Do what you did before. - He doesn't do anything.

Do what you did before or I'll stone you!

- Young man, what are you doing? - I'm joking around.

- Throwing stones at the animals? - Big deal.

That chimpanzee is like a cat, he never moves.

- He has rheumatism. - What?

- Rheumatism. - No...

- He jumped like a cricket. - Because you threw stones at him.

- Come with me. - Where?

- To the manager. - Why?

- Come along. - Nonsense

I paid 200 liras, I brought a tourist...

- You're right, but I'm not wrong. - Come with me.

The animals are supposed to perform!

- Hit them in the head. - Please come with me.

I don't feel like arguing. Hands off. Go where?

- To the manager. - Nonsense!

- Quit fussing. - Come on!

Please excuse me, ma'am. Yes, I'll come.

- And I'll get you fired. - Good, go!

Go do your job!

I told you not to say a word,

I dress you like an Arab so you won't be recognized, don't talk!

You'll have to learn your act without the ape.

I wanted to learn, but the ape wouldn't move.

Don't cry, please. Apes don't cry.

- I'm not crying. - You're not being smart.

Your brain is hairy too!

When entering the dense forest,

I had to take off my shoes and walk barefoot.

In order to make my words more relevant,

I'll show you the place where I found the ape woman.

Here. Here, in central Africa. Three months of searching.

Three months in the virgin forest to track down the ape woman.

Stop it!

Three months, barefooted...

Be quiet, I said!

Stop!

Sorry, she's like a wild animal.

Stop it.

As you know, the ape woman is a libidinous creature. Come along...

Look at these six depictions,

made by one of our city's most famous painters,

of my odyssey.

Six images he has reproduced impressionistically and faithfully,

depicting the six most important moments

of the ape woman's capture.

My hair stands on end just at the thought of these moments.

Look at this: "Struggle with the Lion", three hours.

"Struggle with the Wild Crocodile", four days in the water.

"Escape from the Cannibal". Observe.

This is a cannibal that ate the foot

of my loyal and faithful servant, but I alone escaped.

What? Stop! Slave, protect the people.

Sorry, the freak is agitated today.

Back! Get down!

Down, I say!

Back, the freak is tired. She needs rest.

It's best she go into the pit. Get down there.

Good, good.

Attention, ladies and gentlemen. Careful.

Get into the cage. Please, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't get too close. She's nervous.

I'll cage her now. Stay there.

No cigarettes.

I said no cigarettes! Do you want her to be nervous?

Do you want to end up like Bubu? Stay calm.

Slave, keep the people back. Stay put, stay there.

What did I say, ma'am? What did I tell you!

Calm down. Return her purse.

Return it! Do you want me to kill you, filthy beast?

Pick it up, ma'am. Don't be afraid to pick it up.

I warned you to be careful. Do you want to end up like Bubu?

This is what happened to Bubu when he upset the ape woman.

Now get into the cage.

Now be a good ape and hop into your cage.

Inside, do you understand?

Go...

Dirty beast.

Close it.

Good, good. Come here.

I'll give you a treat.

You may all come closer to the cage.

The ape woman is almost completely tame.

You can also ask questions and she will answer in our language.

- What is your name? - Maria.

- How old are you? - 65.

Liar, like all women. What do you eat?

- Bananas! - And not tobacco, understand?

Ladies and gentlemen, if you want to touch her hair

to ascertain it's real and authentic, come forward.

- Slave! Bring alcohol! - Yes, master.

And cotton wool, because you need to be disinfected first:

An ape's hair is very delicate and she might take ill

due to some microbe.

So disinfect well, please. Here you go.

You? Anyone? Come.

- Does anyone want to... - Be brave. Come on.

- Bravo, sir. Very good. - Disinfect your hands well.

Good, this way. Touch.

Touch her, but be decent. Feel how soft she is?

Better than beaver or chinchilla!

An Indian emir wanted to buy her to make a coat out of her.

Softly, softly. Look out for your watch.

Don't pinch her.

Enough. I am sorry but according to police regulation,

I can't display the freak during episodes of rage.

Goodbye, folks.

Goodbye, ladies and gentlemen.

Go fetch the cigarettes.

- Good morning, explorer. - Cheers, peasant.

Another day another dollar

Antonio, the cigarettes.

You get the lion's share, I get peanuts.

- That's fine. - Let's go.

Open the cage.

Antonio, top of the day. Bye.

Maria, not too bad today. I'd say we made about 8,000 liras.

I am very happy.

I liked the cigarette trick, too.

What is this?

Antonio.

Will you get angry if I tell you something?

- What? - Swear.

I swear.

- Why don't we change? - Change what?

The touching.

Some perverts get too handsy.

Who cares.

I don't like them touching me that way, I'm a upright lady.

Quit obsessing!

For them you're not a woman, you're a freak.

You're the ape woman. Make me some coffee.

- It's already made. - Don't touch the money.

Leave that to me.

It doesn't bother you when they touch me?

I always disinfect you with alcohol.

You're fine.

- I don't like the smell of alcohol. - It's not that bad.

This is the greatest find of the century.

In one month, I'll repay all the money you lent me.

Every last cent.

Then I have big plans in mind

I want to buy two new spotlights to create amazing lighting.

And I want to add music too.

Get the sheets.

- Maria. Maria! - Here.

I have an idea...

Know what we should do? Have some photos taken.

- Of you. - Yes.

Then we'll sell them to people. In costume...

Tomorrow I'll call the photographer, and we'll do it immediately.

New ideas are essential.

And don't throw the banana peel in my face.

- But you told me to. - Yes, but not in my face!

I said throw the banana peel, but not in my face!

- Never mind, I can't sleep. - No blanket? You'll be cold.

Don't worry about it.

Also, you need to stop biting the people.

What if someone gets mad and punches you?

Do something else, lick their arms.

- That's disgusting. - A woman's arm...

Not every single person.

Pretend. Here, try it on me.

What do you want?

I don't understand you... You have everything you want.

You're a free woman. I took you out of that home,

I freed you from your complexes. You can look everyone in the face...

What do you want?

Me, nothing. We only talk about work.

And what do you want to talk about?

Nothing.

Go... go to sleep. I have to think.

Goodnight.

Sit, please. Sit here.

The professor will see you right away. I'll go fetch him.

Sir, please remove your hat.

Sorry

I don't like this place.

Don't shout, I told you how to behave in other's homes.

- I'm afraid. - Of what?

He's a researcher of freaks.

Just what we need. We need him for publicity.

Look at this fancy place I've taken you to!

Not even in your wildest dreams. From rags to riches!

Yes...

Antonio.

- Antonio. - He's coming. Get up and greet him.

Folks, I'm pleased you have accepted my invitation.

You must be Mr. Antonio. A great pleasure.

Please sit, Mrs. or Miss...

- Miss. - My pleasure.

I didn't know there were other people in my city

who dealt with freaks.

Sorry, have a seat. I forgot my manners.

People don't usually understand the appeal

of my research on freaks.

- From a biological point of view. - Certainly.

My servant tells me that you discovered her in Africa.

Yes, in the forest.

I devoted my whole life to the study of these beings, you know?

- Would you like a closer look? - Oh yes.

No problem... Maria.

I named her Maria. Show him your face.

Maria, show him your face. I apologize...

The girl is still a bit wild.

It's been a real task to tame her...

Come on, Maria, show your face.

- Take a look. - May I?

Excuse me.

- Extraordinary. - Feel the softness.

- Extraordinary. Excuse me, may I? - Go ahead.

You've found a rare fortune.

Rare. Extraordinary, extraordinary...

Perhaps the girl would be more at home in the garden.

There are bushes. Some fresh air...

The professor would like to see you in the garden, or on the terrace.

Is that all right? Maria?

She doesn't answer, but she's happy.

- For her own good. - Yes, indeed.

- Okay, Maria? - Follow me, this way.

Come on.

This way.

The most ancient sin of the world!

Sure...

A beautiful, beautiful palace. My compliments.

- You like it? - The terrace is really fantastic.

Yes, it's an 18th century facade. Do you like it also, Miss?

Of course.

Excuse me, I'll draw the curtain.

I don't like the peering eyes of these shirtmakers.

This man is crazy.

He's a true gentleman. You just can't tell.

Remember what to say? Where were you born?

- In the forest. - But where?

In the virgin forest, in Africa.

- Who discovered you? - You.

- Come this way. - Yes, thanks.

- This is my small garden. - Your own personal jungle.

Very kind.

I'm sure you and I will come to an agreement.

Of course.

Come, Miss. Don't be afraid.

Consider me a friend.

Look how green, marvelous!

And to think that we are in the heart of the city!

- May I? - Over here.

- Sit. - Thank you.

This is my favorite corner. In this green garden...

And then there is water. Hear the water flowing?

I like it so much.

May I remove your hood? I would like to see...

- May I? - Go ahead.

I see that the hair continues...

Indeed, that's what's so special,

she's not just a bearded woman.

She's more like a chimpanzee.

Her whole body is covered in a forest of hair that...

Could I possibly see that?

Some more? Absolutely.

Maria, the professor needs to see some more

to better analyze, shall we say, the phenomenon.

There. See?

You can see the hair on the whole body, on the arms...

Let me see, let me see.

I gave her an undergarment. Like a woman.

Can you turn around?

Turn, turn.

Good, good.

Wait. I would say a cross between a quadrumane and a Negro.

I don't believe so. I don't think so.

Because of the light hair?

Perhaps an explorer and an ape...

- Well, maybe. - An ape, perhaps.

Can I see some more of her muscular makeup?

Yes, certainly.

The professor would like to analyze more. Take it off.

- No. - No? Take it off.

- No. - Don't upset me.

- Excuse me, but... - Perhaps you should insist.

She's an animal, but she has some modesty.

- Try. - Don't make me upset!

- I said no. - Why? What's wrong?

- There's nothing special to see. - Never mind...

Come with me.

All freaks display a form of shyness,

as if they were human beings. It's natural.

I get the impression that this freak

has yet to begin her sexual life.

- Come again? Excuse me? - I'm saying she's pure.

- She's not had sexual relations? - No, I guarantee it.

- For sure? - I promise you.

Well, perhaps you could leave the freak here with me

for a few days, so that I can study

her true emotional state and developmental ability.

- Understand what I mean? - Yes, I understand very well.

Look... What I mean is

I am prepared to hand over my freak for scientific studies.

But you have to understand that she and I

have an act to perfect.

We work every day...

Asking for compensation? I'm willing to compensate your losses.

It's not a matter of material loss,

but rather an artistic loss,

stopping the show would cause real damage,

not to mention the 20,000 liras a day that I earn.

20,000 liras? All right.

But if I were to need more time to study her,

in that case...

That would cause a real damage, stopping my show for a few days...

In that case, the show would no longer exist

I am always prepared to hand over the freak to science,

but in that case, I would not know...

The show would no longer exist, you know?

You'd be asking me to hand over the girl for a personal

yet scientific study...

It would be her first time. Can you guarantee that?

- 100,0007? - For three days?

- For two. - Not three?

I have already explained that I'm open to anything but...

All right. It's a deal then.

We should see how the girl feels about it.

Certainly. I'll talk to her.

You assure me that in two days...

If I were to need more time

- 150,000. - All right.

- I'll get you a check. - I'll tell her.

- See how she feels about it. - All right.

- Maria. - What?

I had a talk with the professor.

He wants you to stay here for a few days.

- I don't want to. - Don't start arguing.

He wants you to stay here so he can study you better.

He'll pay us. And you know we need a lot of money.

- Yes, but I'm not staying. - Don't talk back!

- Why do I have to stay? - Because.

- But why? - Because this is our job.

You have to do it. The professor is kind.

- Why don't you want to stay here? - Because I don't.

- You stay with me. - Yes, but...

- Then why not with him? - It's not the same.

- Why not? - Have you seen how he touches me?

What do you mean? He's touching you as a professor, a researcher.

- Don't you know you're a freak? - I'm a woman.

Don't shout! I said you have to stay here.

- No! - I'm in charge of you.

I said you'll stay. Look at me.

- I won't stay! - You will!

- I won't! - We'll get money!

- You have to stay. - I'm leaving! Leaving!

- Quiet. - I'm leaving!

- Don't shout. - I'm leaving because you're a pig!

- Smile for the professor. - He is also a pig!

- Be quiet! - Two pigs!

I'm leaving!

- Where are you going? - Two dirty pigs!

- Excuse me, professor. - I'm leaving!

Come here! Come on!

Come back!

- Don't shout! - I'll be right back.

- This is my home... - The freak is nervous.

No scandals. Please, no scandals in my home!

Go now. I want nothing to do with you.

I'll immediately bring her back.

That damn ape!

I'll kill you! I'll destroy you!

- Idiot, you idiot! - Antonio!

- What? - Maria sent this.

She wants her suitcase and her bank book.

She sent this and wants her money? Here's what I'll do!

And the contract? She can't just break a contract this way.

On a whim? No way!

I didn't do all this for nothing!

Tell her she has 24 hours to come back.

- Don't shoot the messenger. - Or I'll press charges.

For breaking the contract.

Maria told me to return with the suitcase and bank book.

Is that what she said?

Then tell the girl she has 24 hours to return here

if she wants her suitcase.

- Forget the bank book! - Ouch, my arm.

What do you want? This is my business!

I'll tell on you! Mother Rosaria!

Her bank book? She's got some nerve...

But she'll have to return here.

- Mother, I insisted... - Come in, Mother.

The suitcase and bank book, now!

Wait, let me explain.

No! No chitchat

suitcase and bank book!

- He wanted to beat me! - Nonsense.

- Nudity! What a horror! - No, no nudity. I guarantee it.

- No nudity, no way! - What a scoundrel!

Listen, I won't tell the police

because it repulses me to say these ugly things.

- But if you persist... - I'll give you the book and suitcase.

But as for the professor, you have to believe me!

- Believe you? - I had no idea

the professor was like that!

- Quit laughing, you bastard! - You are a monster of wickedness.

What you did to that poor creature is unequivocal.

- Unequivocal. - It was the professor.

It was a misunderstanding.

Where are you going? Leave the suitcase!

- Ignore him, Baron! - Leave the suitcase!

I bend, but I don't break!

Come in.

- Jesus Christ be praised. - Praise be. What is it?

I'm Antonio Setola. Do you remember?

- I know all about you. - First, I have to apologize.

- Don't bother. - Please forgive me.

I have to absolutely speak to you.

Don't killers get a trial too?

I bring you this small offering

in memory of my poor blessed mother.

You can give it to the old folks, or for mass.

Nobody could interpret better my mother's desire.

It's 10,000 liras, a small sum, that's all I can offer.

Please.

Thanks.

Mother, I have to talk to Maria. I absolutely must talk to her.

- Maria is calm. Leave her be. - But I am not calm.

I feel guilty for something I didn't do.

I feel guilty for something I haven't really done.

I can't eat, sleep, or live anymore.

- Mother Superior, lunch. - Coming.

Have a taste.

You were very rude a few days ago.

- Yes, whatever. - Very good, thank you.

- Thanks. - Do you realize what happened?

- I do. - There are moral obligations.

- Yes, I know. - You are not Maria's family.

And therefore she cannot live with you, a single man.

I am prepared to do everything. I can adopt her.

Know how many old men come here to adopt

young girls of 14 and 15 years old?

First of all, I'm not old. And Maria's not a child.

- Excuse me, Mother. - But what guarantee can you give me?

- You are a bachelor. - Well

I will take on every responsibility.

I offer every guarantee, Mother.

No, just forget about her. Maria is a good, sweet girl.

Forget about her.

It's impossible. Really impossible.

- Is the microphone ready? - Yes.

Good. Ready?

As you walk toward the front door you'll sing.

You'll sing the song I taught you, "The Bride".

- From the church to the house. - I don't want to sing.

- Why? - Everyone will laugh, I'm your wife.

And my wife must do as I say! Come on.

You can't just do as you please like before. Sing and smile. Come.

- Hooray for the newlyweds! - Hooray!

Turn on the microphone.

Turn it on.

"The Bride". One, two...

White and bright

I'm embarrassed.

White and bright.

The bride goes out.

White and bright.

The bride goes out.

Thank you.

Hidden in the crowd.

Behind the tears.

Undecided

I see my dreams die.

Touch me and bless me!

So beautiful! You look like a holy saint.

On the altar she is crying.

Hey, show some manners for God's sake!

Everyone will say they're tears of joy.

While her heart is shouting.

Ave Maria!

Where are you going? We have to go this way.

Keep singing.

Ave Maria!

Steady.

Hold steady.

Let's go back! Dessert for everyone! Let's go!

- For everybody! - Antonio, let's go home!

Hey! What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- Have you gone crazy? - I am your wife.

Wife, my foot. We're business partners.

- I'm your wife! - You've drunk too much.

- I'm a woman! - Now let's stop this.

I'm your cook too, I make minestrone, act like an ape,

I climb on the tree

- I don't like it. - Stop it!

I do everything you tell me to.

I sing, I climb, I show my ass.

Anything you want. But I'm your wife!

You know why we got married. Nothing has changed,

things are exactly the same as before.

You're too smart to not understand.

Enough, I have to sleep.

Tomorrow will be like any other day.

Will you knock it off!?

Come on, Antonio.

- I'm tired! - Come!

Maria, stop behaving like a child.

Antonio, come.

Come.

- Come. - Never mind.

Don't you understand you're not like other women?

I am not a woman, I am a freak.

Come to bed, Antonio.

For a man it's different, understand?

You are still like a child and can't understand certain things.

But you see, you have to adapt.

We're married... let me go sleep in my bed.

- Come. - There's no room.

The bed is small. Too small.

Tomorrow, I'll buy a nice big bed

and then maybe we'll see. But now...

Let me go. I'm going.

And tomorrow I'll ask for an annulment.

- What? - I'll ask for an annulment.

Is that what they taught you in that awful place?

Don't you realize that love between me and you...

Yes, I love you, but like a sister.

It's not the same thing.

I understand.

But when this morning you told me to sing, you said:

"You are my wife, sing." And I sang.

Since you're my husband you have to sleep here.

All right, wait.

I don't understand what goes on in your head.

Annulment... Have you gone crazy?

Yes, we are married, but certain things must be taken slowly.

Look, I'll lie down right here,

I'll be close.

- But it's uncomfortable. - No, I like hard surfaces.

- But you will be cold. - No.

Antonio.

I love you. You don't understand anything.

- Antonio, are you asleep? - Yes, I'm asleep.

Antonio.

- What? I was sleeping... - Handsome.

- What do you want? - Come.

- Pure insanity... - But why?

I already told you. You and I are like brother and sister.

But it's not true. We are husband and wife.

- Oh no... - Oh yes...

- Come on, let me sleep. - Come here.

Come here.

Yes:.

- Tomorrow we'll get a big bed. - Come.

- I'm not prepared. - Come.

Pure insanity...

Pure insanity, really.

- You really are pushy. - I'll scooch over.

- There's no room. - Yes.

You're pigheaded, you know.

You're tickling me.

Mr. Antonio!

Mr. Antonio.

- Marcello Pompa. - A pleasure. My wife.

A pleasure, ma'am. Come along.

Impressive variety shows...

Look, this is Saloon Margherita.

The greatest Neapolitan variety shows performed here.

From Pasquariello to Donnarumma. Hear the music?

The commendatore came here to sign us.

We're in, the money is ours. Don't worry.

- But I don't know how to sing. - You know how to sing very well.

Don't underestimate yourself, darling.

Wrong! Absolutely wrong. In Paris this stuff won't work.

Get out, leave him be. Need anything, commendatore?

- No, thanks. - Have you seen the freak I brought?

- Maestro, "The Bride." - Excellent!

She's beautiful just like that! Really beautiful.

Excuse me, Maria knows a lot of songs,

but unfortunately the maestro only has "The Bride".

- Would you like to hear it? - Just a bit.

She's a bit nervous, forgive her.

- No, it's fine. - Thanks. Shall we?

- Yes. - Thanks.

Maestro, "The Bride".

Silence.

Bright and white.

The bride goes out.

While hidden...

A hairy angel! Beautiful! Beautiful!

- Beautiful voice, right? - Parisians are bored.

They are fed up with sex. Sex, sex, nothing but sex.

They want something sensational, more intense.

Like her. We'll prepare a great act for them:

The hairy angel.

And I am ready to immediately sign a contract

for exclusive rights of your wife.

But commendatore, we must do this act together.

We work as a couple. I'm the one who created the act.

My wife doesn't work alone.

Listen, we now...

All I want is for her to get naked a little.

- Completely naked. - No, look

I'm sorry but my wife doesn't strip.

- My wife won't strip in Paris. - Be quiet.

- We can come to an agreement. - It's all wrong.

Mine is a scientific act. Sorry, goodbye.

- We're going. - You'll regret it.

No, we're not on the same page. It's a matter of moral principle.

We are a regular church-married couple.

- French mentality is different. - Leave me be.

This is important! I am also Italian, as you.

Very Italian. Bear with me...

- Listen to me. - No, don't bother.

- My wife will not get naked. - Allow me to persuade.

Kind lady, come along. Let's start by sitting here.

- Get some chairs, now. - Immediately, sir!

Sit here. Sit, please.

Have a seat, commendatore. Okay?

Ma'am, let me be frank, striptease is not

- I'll leave you alone, sir. - a serious thing.

In Paris, there are women who strip:

Mothers of family, honest wives...

- Yet they strip anyway. - I don't think it's a dirty deed.

But I am a woman. My husband decides for me.

- No, we decide together. - Looking for me?

Yes, dear. We'll hire you both.

You think I should let my wife go around like this?

- Why not? - No way. We're going.

Look, come on. Bear with me one minute.

Look. I'll show you, okay?

Now tell me, what is so wrong

with being seen this way? Nothing, nothing at all.

She's a figurine. A figurine of flesh.

- Listen, what should I do? - What do you do?

- I do some Afro-Cuban dances. - Good.

Later you'll do an Afro-Cuban dance for me.

- Pasquale, don't get too excited. - See?

I don't want my wife wiggling her butt in Paris. Never!

But I didn't say she had to get totally nude.

No... just think of all the money.

All the money that you would earn.

The publicity in Paris alone... a creature like this

would become famous worldwide, worldwide!

An act that the whole world will want to see.

While here in Naples, you are lost.

The money! The money!

Hair and beard treatment. Does the lady also want a massage?

Right away. I'll massage your brain just as you like.

It feels soft like a child's brain.

- Will I get used to life in Paris? - For sure.

- That city frightens me. - People are the same the world over.

We'll be living like royalty there,

with a proper contract, a real gig.

There you are. Does the lady have other orders?

Let's remove this.

Watch out for the hairs...

If the nuns knew I'm going to Paris to strip...

What do you care what the nuns think? You're married to me.

I can't believe how lucky I am.

Believe it!

How many times have I told you what a genius I am? How many?

- Yes, but I am sad. - Why?

Leaving this house now that we fixed it up...

This house sure did cost me some sacrifices.

And the theater...

Come.

Ladies and gentlemen, the show will now begin!

Here is the forest.

So much effort, so many sacrifices.

You remember the ape woman?

All over now.

A new life!

This is the life of the artist: One day here, then to Paris...

Then, one day to New York, who knows.

Let's get into our big bed.

How'll I fare in Paris? I've never been out of Naples.

You'll get used to it.

Our nice big bed.

Plus, you'll have me. We'll be living in hotels too.

- Will we also go to America? - Sure.

To America... everywhere.

Meanwhile, we have a nice photo in the newspaper.

How impressive.

"France Soir", a million copies are sold.

- A million photos, imagine! - A million!

- What's written there? - "Look at the brave man

who married an ape!"

Father!

Father!

Father!

Father!

You must die!

No.

No...

Come...

No!

No!

Go away!

Devil!

Look...

Strumpet.

Look...

No...

Go away.

Come here.

Yes...

Yes...

Yes.

Yes...

Shit!

And there you go!

Bravo!

Bravo!

And here is the ape woman!

Hello everyone! Must have been the oysters.

- How's it going? - Not bad, thanks.

The legion of honor! Franceschina, how are you?

- Forget Franceschina, go! - Yes, I'm going.

Neapolitan...

Hello!

Hello! What's good today?

- The usual for me. - Of course.

- Maria, how's it going? - Fine.

You remember me? I am Antoine.

- Remember? - Yeah.

- Is work good? - Yes, thanks.

Good sandwich, eh? Good, good.

Chicken croquettes, like yesterday. With a little watercress.

- I like that a lot. - Okay.

The duck tonight is really disgusting.

Goodbye miss. Do a good job.

Ah, your bouquet! The bouquet, mademoiselle!

Just five minutes of rest.

- Mademoiselle, your bouquet. - Thanks.

May St. Lucy protect my eyes.

- Bye, Antonio. - Bye, bye!

- Finally. Where were you? - I was just over there.

- Yes, messing with the black girl. - She's a colleague.

Yes, a colleague... They're all colleagues for you.

- I want to know what she said to you. - Nothing.

"Bring me the bouquet." So I brought it.

- You Kissed her. - Nonsense!

I don't kiss colleagues.

Hurry, we're late.

Women here have a different mentality.

Understand? You are different from the others...

Yes, but I don't kiss anybody.

Right, don't kiss anyone or let anyone kiss you.

- What is this? - Antonio!

- Come on, already! - I'm coming! Jesus...

Oh there, little piggy

I don't feel well this evening. This double lineup kills me.

- I have a bellyache... - Hang in there.

Tomorrow we'll call a doctor.

You always exaggerate. It's probably the oysters.

No, it really is my belly...

The weather here sure is awful.

Always grey. It makes me so sad.

There's a cemetery too.

That must be the doctor. Give me this.

Here, get ready. Can't you take out those curlers?

It's not right to let the doctor see you in curlers...

Be right back.

- This is the doctor. - Hello.

- Come on in. - Go In.

Come in.

- Good morning, ma'am. How are you? - Hello.

So-so. Thank you, Elvira.

- What's he saying? - He says: "She's a monster."

- Sorry, ma'am. - We know that already.

No need for him to say that.

She doesn't understand French.

Excuse me, ma'am. The doctor wants to know if it runs in the family.

He's asking if your father was the same.

Tell him we're worried about her stomach, not her face.

- The vomiting, the nausea. - You understand, doctor?

They're worried about the stomach issue, not her face.

Ma'am, don't worry,

with a purgative you'll be as good as new.

- What? - She must undress.

Okay.

- Sir, please... - Yes, yes.

Miss, come.

What is it?

- What's he doing? - Nothing.

What doctors do.

All right.

Don't look. Don't look.

It's not right to look. We'll make a bad impression.

Are we being punished? I am her husband after all.

Mademoiselle!

Have you had sexual relations with the lady?

Certainly, she is my wife.

- Are you sure? - Of course. Didn't you know?

Yes, but I didn't want to say anything.

- I am a discreet woman... - Yes or no?

Yes, doctor. They have had relations.

Good, thank you.

- It hurts, doctor. - I'm sorry.

What a drag!

Tell me, miss, have you had sexual relations?

Me? I am single. I wouldn't do such things!

Sir, the lady is pregnant.

Oh, the lady is pregnant! Wow! Congratulations!

Hear that, Antonio?

I'm expecting. Are you happy?

- Very happy. - Congratulations.

A little kiss. Don't get worked up.

- This way, please. - A towel.

I am really happy for you, dear beautiful lady.

Quickly, miss.

- Sir, come here. - What?

He says he needs to talk to you because the situation is serious.

Obviously, the case is rather unusual.

- Ask how much. - Three. But that's not the issue.

Thank you.

You are a man, so you must understand the situation.

- He says you are a man... - Excuse me...

- And... - It's not...

SO easy.

And the issues are quite difficult to foresee.

He says it's best we go talk in the hall.

Let's go out there.

Be back soon, okay?

- So? - Mademoiselle, tell him...

- Translate for me. - Hold on.

The circumstances are unusual,

the child could be a monstrous maniac.

- Poor lady! - A monster, for sure.

What did he say?!

She must be taken to a clinic

because a monster will be born.

The baby will be like its mother, with hair on its face.

A monster! A monster!

Poor lady, such a good person and so nice!

Life is cruel...

Will you tell him that he needs to decide.

I could give them the address for an abortion clinic.

I am a lady and won't say these things. No!

I am a good woman.

Shoes are the last thing I want to be dealing with now!

- Damn! You irritate me! - Go pick them up.

Will you translate what the doctor said, please?

- I am a good woman. - I know that.

But just tell me what he said!

She has to have an abortion, that's what he said.

I've never had to speak such words.

To think, I never even got married

- and now I'm talking about abortion... - Is it true?

Yes, sir. You do what you want,

but I don't see any other solution.

- But it's impossible in Italy! - In Italy perhaps...

But here it can and should be done.

See you later... if you choose.

- Maria. - Yes, Antonio.

You know, perhaps that thing can't go on.

What did you say?

- The doctor says you have to abort. - Abort?

But that's crazy! Why should I abort?

Because... Because you know why.

Because it seems that... the baby would have trouble.

Why would it have trouble?

Dunno... Maria, you know how things are.

The doctor said it and he knows best.

Doctors are also wrong.

And even if it has trouble, it would still be ours.

Yes, I know. You think I don't know that?

Don't you understand? I'm not the one suggesting it.

- It was the doctor's idea. - The doctor is a monster.

The doctor is a monster...

Be reasonable, Maria.

I'm happy we're having a child also, but what if it's born

and is a mess. Then what?

- But it won't be a mess. - What we want doesn't matter...

We have to think about the child.

- It will be a mess. - Then I am also a mess.

But I'm happy anyway. I found you.

I got married to you. I am happy.

- You're not happy with life? - Yes, I'm happy.

So?

It's not so easy to find a man like me, believe me.

- Why? - Why? Forget it.

- Here. - Pasta with butter all the time.

You know I don't digest French butter, it's so heavy.

But there's nothing else. Here.

Oil, make it with oil.

I'll eat it plain.

Go on, eat.

- Eat, eat! - I'm not hungry.

I'm not hungry... Why won't you eat?

She serves anything, but won't eat anything. Eat!

- You like butter. - I don't like it. I don't want it.

You think I haven't thought about it?

It would be our lucky break. Don't you believe me?

You and the child, both hairy. We'd make a lot of money.

You're a pig! You only think about business.

About money! You're the monster!

Stop it, now! Stop it!

Wretch!

You're hysterical. I forgive you because you're hysterical.

Go away, monster. I'll handle my child alone.

I'll bring it to the doctor.

I'll take care of it and do everything.

You threw pasta on me. You're hysterical.

No, I am not hysterical!

I'm a mess.

I'll go away with my child.

To Hotel Sayonara, it's beautiful and comfortable.

- As you wish, Antonio. - Good.

Turn right here.

Antonio, turn right.

- Why right? - To ask the saint for a blessing.

I told you that's just a superstition.

Superstition? Carla, the lady who delivered milk,

had a paralyzed hand and went there...

- Must we really go there? - Yes, I beg you, please.

Good morning. What do you want?

- Good morning. - I want to request some prayers.

- First and last name? - Maria Semola.

What's he writing?

- Address? - Hotel Sayonara.

- Quit joking. - Worse than a precinct.

What do you want? We pay taxes, you know...

We keep records. If you want to complain, go to City Hall.

What sad eyes you have. Are you Muslim?

- Muslim? - Who've you brought here?

A Muslim? I only pray to saints in heaven.

What's all this about? Name, address...

- Is there confusion in heaven? - No, the confusion is here on earth.

I pray only to Catholic saints. Go sign, with faith.

Amount of offering?

- How much? - One hundred.

We just returned from France. We only have francs.

100 francs.

Let's see the exchange.

They sure are organized.

Are you calculating the exchange rate?

Sailors come here from all parts of the world.

We can't exactly go to the bank every time and change money!

Don't worry.

We must document everything or they'll complain.

The documents prove everything. Ask their motive, too.

- Motive? - For the salvation of a child.

Excuse me...

Is this child dead, alive, or not yet born?

- Not born yet. - Who are the prayers for?

Saint Anthony or the Madonna?

How beautiful...

What do you think?

I would say both. It's better.

Well, what'll it be? St. Anthony or the Madonna?

Both.

I beg you.

- Leave father to pray. - It's an urgent matter.

- I do what I can. - Come away, ma'am.

Thank you.

Maria.

- Look at that beautiful child. - You are crazy.

Do you like it? I cut out a lot, you know?

I was at the news agent and got a bunch.

Here's one with a baby bottle that is very beautiful. Like it?

- Stare at this picture. - Do I need to?

Certainly, it's a matter of suggestion.

If you want your child to be born this beautiful

you must stare at the photo, don't let your eyes rest.

I know about these things.

I'm looking at the photo but I'm not calm.

But you have to be calm. Darling, think about nothing else.

Don't think. You have enough to do looking at the photo.

Don't worry.

Who knows what your mother thought when she was pregnant with you?

- Hey, is it kicking yet? - Strongly!

Goodness!

This hotel is expensive. We'll end up penniless.

Knock it off. Where will our child be born?

In the streets? At least here there is some elegance, sun...

Don't worry yourself with things like this.

Look at the square, the view, have a good time, understand?

- Yes. - I'll think about the rest.

- But I am worried. - I'll find a way to make money.

We're paid up to the end of the month here.

I've practically already sold the car.

But you need the car, Antonio.

Who cares.

I didn't have it before, I don't have it now. Who cares?

Maieroni's coming soon.

After the baby's born, we start working again.

- Of course. - No need to fret.

- How are you? - Fine.

- I'm losing hair. - A bit.

It's fine, the doctor said that happens with pregnancy.

It'll grow back, don't worry.

Know what he said? He had a bald female patient once,

during pregnancy, her hair grew a lot... like a mane.

Stay here.

I'll hang this up and be right back.

Come with me.

- What's he look like? - Don't fret, he's normal!

Given his mother's condition...

He's a beautiful baby, there he is.

- The third one. - Him?

Yes.

- He's normal! - I told you.

- Can I go near the incubator? - No.

- Isn't he a bit small? - Don't worry...

He's alive and will grow fine.

Come along, come console your wife,

she's more worried than you.

Hi!

I saw him, he's beautiful!

Beautiful. Tell your wife that he's fine, he's normal.

He's fine, small but fine.

He looks like me, small.

He doesn't have any hair?

Not at all, smooth as a billiard ball.

Just like I told you. Are you happy now?

Of course I am. I'm his father.

Now we're a family, we have to get to work.

- Yes... - Work!

Away with all of these hairs.

Look, I'm hairless here now.

Who cares? It'll grow back thicker and stronger.

- I have no more hair. - It'll grow back even better.

You'll see.

How odd, I feel...

- It's so strange. - Why?

I'm not used to seeing you without a beard.

It's normal, you met me when I was hairy.

Don't worry.

I'll give you some massages and make the beard grow back,

even better than before, we'll get right to it.

By the way,

Maieroni sent a telegram.

- Look, London! - London?

It says "The Ape Woman" in English.

The Ape Woman...

How lovely!

You're sure it'll grow back? I feel strange

as if I were naked.

No...

No...

Real nice...

Like it?

Listen, Maria

I know that Antonio is good

like you say,

but this cannot carry on.

This isn't a restaurant!

It's been two months, two months!

This can't go on.

What can we do, Sister?

I thank you on behalf of myself, my wife, and this innocent child.

It's not our fault!

Let me finish...

It's not our fault this disaster happened.

You call this a disaster?

Come here!

It's a miracle, a real miracle!

A real miracle... let's thank the Lord for this miracle.

If she hadn't lost the hair we'd be in London for our show now,

instead of mooching off of nuns for a plate of food.

What show!?

Show, my foot!

Mother Superior almost had a syncope when she heard about the show.

A syncope!

- Yeah, sure. - In any case...

You're a father and a good man,

and the show is over, it's gone, so

enough! This cannot go on.

- It cannot. - Fine.

Fine, I'll find a solution.

- Dear God help me... - Antonio...

Have some meat, it's good and will do you good

- I lost my appetite. - Why?

Because I don't want to be a charity case.

Don't be silly, you love steak.

Maria, I will take a dive and find any way possible...

Calm down, I'll make you a sandwich.

Sure, sure, just eat something now.

Sister, don't treat him that way.

He's not to blame for this situation.

Work, work, you've never wanted to work.

Have you ever worked? For 30 years

I've worked for 30 years.

Here, Antonio.

Bye, darling.

Bye, love.

I'd better go, sweet Jesus...

- Some wine? - No!

We're just a bunch of wretches

without a cent to our name.

We could use the help of a saint...

- A plate and a fork. - We serve food too.

A quarter liter of wine.

- Nobody wants the pasta and beans. - Take a seat.

- Hello, Mr. Antonio. - Good day.

Some olives too.

- Have a glass with us? - We have pasta and beans too.

- Gladly, thanks. - Prosit.

Thanks.

I'd like to introduce my friends, we were waiting for you.

They want you to be their manager.

You can work your magic.

Father, mother, daughter, and uncle.

Baron, what'll I do with them?

They're not good enough.

Can they do anything else, like sing?

Nothing, they're just freaks.

Not good enough, sorry.

It's not enough nowadays.

I need to talk to you... alone.

Wait over there for me.

- We're really sorry. - What is it?

- Do you have a decent suit? - Yes.

I have a nice, white suit, fits like a glove.

- It's a perfect fit... - Which one?

The one from the wedding!

- The silk one? - Yes, double-breasted.

Perfect, then you need to come wearing that suit.

We have an important task...

- Enough, please! - I'm ready and willing.

I admire you.

- Do you need my visiting cards? - Is there a coat of arms?

Of course, by right of blood!

Then bring them.

- I'll go fetch them. - Go get changed.

Be right back.

- Got the visiting cards? - Of course.

It's my last one, but I'll gladly sacrifice it.

Show the doctor when he arrives.

- Of course. - Here he is.

Goon...

- Excuse me, doctor. - Here again, Antonio?

May I introduce myself? Baron Rossi.

- Nice to meet you. - He's my lawyer.

I asked around, you had no right! No right to transform my wife.

- Give me a break! - Me?!

I did it for the sake of your wife's humanity.

Humanity?

You were to deliver my son, that's all.

Who asked you to remove the beard?

My wife and I liked it,

we had a happy life.

Tell him all the damage I suffered.

Indeed, profoundly damaged!

Shame on you, on both of you!

I don't want to see you again!

- I'll call the police next time. - The police?

Know how my wife and I live now?

We live on charity!

You're to blame! I would've been in London now.

In London!

And what if I liked my wife more with a beard?

- Tell him, attorney! - Indeed

I get it Antonio, from man to man

go to work, provide for your family

instead of being kept.

- Want to work? - I've always worked!

Good, wait here.

Baron, come on, say something!

- Never mind, let it go. - Let it go?

I'm the only one talking.

Speak up as my attorney.

I can touch on the moral issue,

but you have to step in when dealing with financial issues.

- I stepped in at the right time. - Sure...

Take a look and see what he's doing.

He's writing.

- Wonder what he's writing. - That I don't know.

He's coming, he's coming.

- Maybe it's an accession. - Maybe.

And don't come back again!

Let's see...

An accession...

Port authority? He expects me to work at the port?!

I'm an artist!

From Paris to the port...

You clowns!

Clowns!

- Antonio, come on, help out. - Coming.

Over here.

Stand here.

Here!

Come on. Are you ready?

Let's go!

Come on!

Careful.

- Put your hand here. - Come on, pull!

Pull, come on!

Come on, up you go.

Move it!

Go on!

Careful!

Where are you going?

Don't be afraid.

Come on!

All right...

Let's be quick.

Come here.

Antonio, let's go eat!

- Hi. - Hi, Antonio.

How are you? What's wrong, son?

- I brought this since it's chilly. - Good.

Food's in the bag.

Come on.

Let's sit down.

Over there.

- What's he crying about? - I don't know.

Let's sit here, come here, son.

- Over here. - Here you go, darling.

- Does he still have worms? - Dunno...

- He might be tense. - Come here.

Come to daddy...

We'll get rid of those worms.

Like it? It's cashmere, only 3,000 liras!

I like your belly!

- Did you bring "France Sow"? - Yes, here.

There's hot broth in here.

Open it for me.

There's nothing, not even in Paris.

Maieroni's done.

What's so funny?

I'm pleased.

Well pleased is well served.

You've calmed down? Hungry, darling?

Here, have some.

It's good.

THE END

The story, all names, events and characters in this production are fictitious.

Any resemblance to real life events is coincidental.

Subtitles © Chain Production 2021