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1
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,048
[upbeat saxophone music]
2
00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:08,550
How's Churro looking,
Dr. Pocha?
3
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,343
Does she have
a hearing problem,
4
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,304
or is she a mean girl
playing mind games?
5
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,516
Let's test it out
6
00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,352
with a basic
canine auditory assessment.
7
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,355
Hey, Churro, can you hear me?
8
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,482
Kidding.
9
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,443
I did a cochlear exam earlier,
10
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:30,655
and Churro has hearing loss
because she's an old woman.
11
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:35,326
Nana says it's not polite
to discuss a lady's age,
12
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,662
unless she's a sucia.
13
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,750
Then all bets are off.
14
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,544
I knew she wasn't a puppy,
15
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,546
but seven seems too young
for hearing loss.
16
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,591
It is,
but 15 is right on track.
17
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,718
She's 15?
18
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,763
That's the most important year
in a young Latina dog's life.
19
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,515
We should throw her
a quinceañera.
20
00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,310
Yes,
like my friend Seymour Bloom
21
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,729
threw his schnauzer
a bark-mitzvah.
22
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,901
The gefilte fish
was to die for.
23
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,736
It will be so fun.
24
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,989
We can rent a venue,
choreograph dances,
25
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:17,869
and put Churro in a poofy dress
with four tiny high heels.
26
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:22,290
That all sounds so crazy.
27
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,668
Not if we put it on TikTok.
28
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,711
It will be good publicity
for the vet's office.
29
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:29,339
I love crazy.
30
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,424
We could even partner
with East LA Shelter
31
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,510
and feature dogs
that need to be adopted.
32
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,720
It will be a night
Churro will never forget.
33
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,972
Hear that, Churro?
34
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:40,308
Oh, right, you can't.
35
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,435
Oy vey.
36
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,981
[upbeat saxophone music]
37
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:54,155
♪ ♪
38
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:06,126
Ooh, nice cake.
39
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,919
{\an8}Don't--don't eat that.
40
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,005
{\an8}This is for the dogs
at Churro's quinces.
41
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:13,883
{\an8}If loving pig snout is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
42
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,845
{\an8}I'm excited about the party.
43
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,972
{\an8}I just got the invitation.
It's my first one.
44
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,140
{\an8}Oh, it's your first quinces?
45
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,308
{\an8}No, my first invitation.
46
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:24,352
{\an8}You bringing anyone?
You get a plus-one.
47
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,354
{\an8}Oh, cool.
I'll bring George.
48
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,482
{\an8}He's already going.
49
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,901
{\an8}You asked him first.
50
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,320
{\an8}No, I'm going with Mayan.
51
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,906
{\an8}So he turned you down, huh?
[laughs]
52
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:40,493
{\an8}Oscar, normal people
do not want to spend
53
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,454
{\an8}every waking moment
with George.
54
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,832
{\an8}Don't you want to branch out,
you know,
55
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,709
{\an8}like, find a date?
56
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:48,877
{\an8}But who?
57
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:52,297
{\an8}I haven't had
a girlfriend since...
58
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:55,216
{\an8}the day I met George.
59
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,720
{\an8}Why don't you let me help you
find someone?
60
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,765
{\an8}My friends say
I'm a white "hitch."
61
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,976
{\an8}You might be hearing
that wrong.
62
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:09,189
{\an8}[upbeat saxophone music]
63
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,733
{\an8}You're throwing the dog
a quinceañera?
64
00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:15,737
{\an8}You already cook for it,
65
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,614
{\an8}kiss it,
let it sleep in your bed.
66
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:20,283
{\an8}What's next, you gonna send it
to a liberal arts college?
67
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,870
{\an8}A quince is a big step up, Mayan,
68
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,040
{\an8}for a dog that was found
in a porta-potty.
69
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,834
{\an8}The whole point
is to promote the clinic,
70
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,795
{\an8}find homes for strays,
and end the night
71
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,880
{\an8}before the guests
start humping each other.
72
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,966
{\an8}Don't tell me how to party, Mayan.
73
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:40,220
{\an8}I can't believe you're
this excited about a quinces.
74
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,222
{\an8}When you were 15,
you refused to have one.
75
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,391
{\an8}Yeah, you said,
"Ew, it's, like,
76
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,977
{\an8}a total patriarchal event,
so off fleek."
77
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,648
It's for a good cause.
78
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,483
And if we're gonna find
these shelter dogs homes,
79
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,569
this quinces needs
to be big and flashy,
80
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,072
so I need all of us
to pitch in as a family.
81
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,699
Fine. I'll help.
82
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,659
It will probably be the closest
I get to planning a wedding.
83
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,204
Great, so you two
are gonna work together
84
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,289
on music and decorations.
85
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:11,001
I want a female mariachi band
86
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:14,629
who know Rihanna's
entire catalog off book.
87
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,423
They have female mariachis?
88
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,757
What do their grito sound like?
89
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,802
"Ayyy,
put that toilet seat down"
90
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,597
We wouldn't have to say it
if you would do it.
91
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,266
Well,
I we wouldn't have to do it
92
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,767
if you would just stand up.
93
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,395
Hey, there's no time
for your bickering.
94
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,896
We have a lot to do.
95
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,356
Oh, Mayan,
96
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:36,443
these decorations seem a little
over-the-top for dogs.
97
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,820
Maybe if we could be simple,
we can have--
98
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,447
A daughter who knows
exactly what
99
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,573
she wants this quinces to be,
100
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,825
and no one should dare
to question her?
101
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,662
Sure.
102
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,626
She's being so extra.
103
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,589
This is textbook "está loca."
104
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,966
[upbeat saxophone music]
105
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,139
Churro's grandparents
are working together
106
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,433
to make sure her quinces
is a magical night
107
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,018
for all our adoptable dogs.
108
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:13,646
I'm gonna put your father up
for adoption.
109
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:16,232
[high pitched] Adopt me.
I'm mostly housebroken.
110
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,778
And if you want more of this,
come to the quinceañera.
111
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,406
Or any day of my childhood.
112
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,824
What's the problem?
113
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,159
You were supposed to finish
that arch an hour ago.
114
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,327
He's not helping.
115
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,745
He's sucking the air
out of the balloons.
116
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,163
You want to deflate something?
117
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,582
Why don't you start
with your giant head?
118
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,125
[high pitched]
Cálmate, bruja.
119
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,254
Oh, that voice stopped
being funny 20 balloons ago.
120
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,882
And that voice stopped
being pleasant 20 years ago.
121
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,008
It's fine.
122
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,551
Quinten and I will handle
the balloons.
123
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,387
Did you guys meet
with the mariachi band?
124
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:48,306
Yes, The Mariachi-chis.
125
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,058
They're beautiful, talented,
126
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:53,019
and they even have a chihuahua
that plays a tiny guitar.
127
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,230
Great.
So you booked them?
128
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,898
Negative.
129
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,858
Your mom wanted
to pay them less
130
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,151
because they're female.
131
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,736
Gross.
132
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,281
It's wrong, but why should
everyone benefit except for me?
133
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:07,242
I didn't invent America.
134
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,954
I had it all set up,
but, of course,
135
00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,747
she had to take over
like she always does,
136
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,624
and now none of us get
to spend Saturday night
137
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,209
with six loud women
and a funny dog.
138
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,421
Oh, see,
that's what he always does.
139
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:20,922
He treats everything
like a joke.
140
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:24,551
And no one is laughing, payaso.
141
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,136
Well, I'm no one,
and I am.
142
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:30,432
Okay, okay,
everyone take a deep breath.
143
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,851
Not of helium.
144
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:36,021
This quinces is very important
to Churro.
145
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,940
So I'll call and smooth things
over with the Mariachi-chis.
146
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,985
And we still need to make
30 more centerpieces.
147
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,612
So, Mom, go in that corner
and make 15.
148
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:47,032
Dad, go in that corner
and make two.
149
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:53,580
I'll fix his two once
he slips into a helium coma.
150
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:57,125
Mayan, look.
I'm a Mariachi-chi.
151
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,590
[laughs]
152
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:07,344
[upbeat saxophone music]
153
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:11,639
All right, Tom, let's go
flush Jerry out of your molars.
154
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,021
When you said you wanted
to meet somewhere
155
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:21,524
with a lot of single women,
I thought you meant a bar
156
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,693
or a funeral home.
157
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,864
No better place
than cat day at the clinic
158
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,240
to meet lonely women.
159
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,535
Hey,
a cat is a great companion.
160
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,037
And it won't sleep
with your friend
161
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,289
when you go to Austin
for a weekend.
162
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,250
Let's give you the lowdown
163
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,252
on some of these
eligible bachelorettes.
164
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,212
- Brookie?
- Yeah.
165
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,463
That's Sharon.
166
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,048
She's a successful businessperson
167
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,717
who designs high-end beanies.
168
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,095
Wow, I don't think so.
169
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:56,393
Okay, Annabelle over there
was runner-up in the '97
170
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,894
Miss Mary Jane pageant,
171
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:01,773
and now she has her own line
of beard-friendly bongs.
172
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,152
Cool.
173
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,238
Yeah, no.
174
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,739
Damn.
175
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,908
You are picky for a scrub.
176
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,912
What about--oh, Jupiter?
177
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:19,082
She's a triple-jointed
yoga instructor
178
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:22,877
who teaches
sex marathon workshops.
179
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,297
Pass.
180
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,967
This man ain't right.
181
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,221
All of these women
are great options.
182
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,764
What is the problem?
183
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,600
I'm imagining us out on a date.
184
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,687
And I just don't think
George would have a good time.
185
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,357
Hey, you need to stop
letting your life
186
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,734
revolve around George.
187
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,318
Like, don't worry
about what he wants.
188
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,987
What do you want?
189
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,741
I'm never gonna find anyone.
190
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,118
Hey, you will.
191
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,455
And when you do, the connection
will be undeniable.
192
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,665
You'll look into their eyes,
and you'll know
193
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,001
that this is the person
that you were meant to be with
194
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,961
until the end of time.
195
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,796
That's what happened
with me and Mayan.
196
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,300
I thought you knocked her up
and were stuck together.
197
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,928
That too.
198
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,307
[upbeat saxophone music]
199
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,226
Five, six, seven, eight,
and turn.
200
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,936
[dog barks]
201
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,398
Beautiful footwork, Penny.
202
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,150
Alfred, chills.
203
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:31,196
Bear, you're killing me.
204
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:35,033
Great work, Gordo.
205
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,951
Take five, everybody.
206
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,830
And don't eat any poop.
207
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,041
You've got to fit
in those dresses.
208
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,835
Okay, even though
your grandparents
209
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,337
set us a little behind,
210
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,173
the balloon arch is done,
the Mariachi-chis are booked.
211
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,050
I think we might actually
pull this thing off.
212
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,679
You missed, bruja!
213
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,097
[loud thump]
Ay!
214
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,057
Okay, you got me that time.
215
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,518
What is going on?
216
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,769
Like they say,
217
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,146
never work with animals
or grandparents.
218
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:09,818
Seriously?
219
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,319
She ruined the centerpiece
that I made.
220
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,487
He was doing it wrong.
221
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:13,571
I have my own process.
222
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,698
You were sniffing the glue.
223
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,241
That's my process.
224
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:21,162
Hey, your centerpiece isn't
better than the one I made.
225
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:26,167
Oh, I'm gonna glue
your fat mouth shut.
226
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,670
- I'm gonna glue it shut.
- Oh, ahh, ow!
227
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:31,172
God, stop.
Just stop arguing!
228
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,966
- She started it.
- He started it.
229
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,551
You know what,
I should have never
230
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,760
asked you guys to do this.
231
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,554
I'm done.
Forget the whole thing.
232
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,305
This quinces is canceled.
233
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,854
Because of this?
234
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:46,980
[upbeat saxophone music]
235
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,444
[upbeat saxophone music]
236
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,821
I can't believe
Churro's quinces is canceled.
237
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:58,241
Do you know how hard it was
to teach a pug the paso doble?
238
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,163
He has four left feet.
239
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,915
I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm upset too.
240
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:09,127
I made custom evening wear
for ten dogs.
241
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,212
I saw the dresses.
242
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,006
Yeah, maybe it's for the best.
243
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,303
Quinten,
you beautiful white bitch.
244
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,931
Oh, thank you.
245
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,892
What did I do to deserve that?
246
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,811
I used your advice,
and it worked.
247
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,563
I met an amazing woman.
248
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:31,816
See, when faced
with a problem in life,
249
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,360
no matter how big
and insurmountable,
250
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,446
the answer is always
less George.
251
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,741
So tell me
about the lucky girl.
252
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,910
Her name is Gina,
253
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,788
and our connection
was undeniable.
254
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,539
We were both at 7-Eleven
at 3:00 a.m.
255
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,834
reaching for the same six-pack
of Bud Light Clamato.
256
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,586
Our hands touched.
257
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,838
I mean, it was electric.
258
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,840
She was way out of my league, man.
259
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,342
I mean, I'm, like, a 7,
260
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,803
and she's, like, a 10,
even more than a 10,
261
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,429
like, an 11,
and I was thinking,
262
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,015
"Can a 7 and an 11
even be together?
263
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,558
Can they?"
264
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:09,437
And then I looked up,
and I saw a sign, "7-Eleven."
265
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,857
And it was just meant to be, dude.
266
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,359
And then guess what.
267
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:19,572
We went home together
and dry-humped.
268
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,955
A greater love story
has never been told.
269
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,207
Move over, "Titanic."
270
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:32,377
[upbeat saxophone music]
271
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,337
♪ ♪
272
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,047
I mean,
it's been a few hours.
273
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,382
You think Mayan's still mad?
274
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,634
She was upset about a dog's
birthday party.
275
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,928
I'm sure she's fine.
276
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,723
[sobbing]
277
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,725
Okay, she's not fine.
278
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,393
[sobbing]
279
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:51,271
Mayan,
this breaks my heart.
280
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,441
You ordered McDonald's
without me?
281
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,402
Go away!
282
00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:00,739
I can't believe you ruined
another quinces.
283
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,323
What do you mean by another?
284
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,160
I only remember ruining
this one.
285
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,079
How many other dog quinces
have you thrown?
286
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:11,666
I'm talking about my quinces
ten years ago.
287
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,001
Your quinces?
288
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,128
You didn't have one
because you didn't want one.
289
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,213
I said I didn't want one,
but I did.
290
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,924
I lied.
291
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,843
Why would you do that?
292
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,428
I don't read minds.
293
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,473
And your father, well,
he doesn't read anything.
294
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,852
It was the year you guys
were getting a divorce.
295
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,438
Why would I have a party
when you guys couldn't even be
296
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,815
in the same room without
screaming at each other?
297
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,401
Oh, Mayan, I mean,
the party wouldn't have been
298
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:41,529
more dramatic or louder
than any other Latino party.
299
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:44,491
I turned 15,
300
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,659
but without
the pink decorations,
301
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:49,287
the lavender dress,
and the mariachi band
302
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:53,166
playing "Diamonds"
by Rihanna in español.
303
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,170
It was the first
of many sacrifices
304
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,047
I would have to make
after you guys separated.
305
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:05,637
Mayan,
I don't know how to say this,
306
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,682
but I believe
it's pronounced "Rih-ah-na."
307
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,977
Not now, borracho.
308
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,648
I was so stupid to think that
we could do this as a family.
309
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:20,193
The party's ruined.
The dog adoption's ruined.
310
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:24,030
And I can't find
my honey mustard.
311
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,576
[upbeat saxophone music]
312
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,870
♪ ♪
313
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,622
I've lost my appetite.
314
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,750
Mayan's tears
made this bun soggy.
315
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,296
Oh, seeing her cry
really took me back
316
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,674
to when we first told her
we were getting a divorce.
317
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,259
She was hurting so much.
318
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:46,219
We all were.
319
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,096
Maybe we should have
held it together better
320
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,514
in front of her.
321
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:52,726
Yeah, maybe we could have
yelled at each other
322
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,060
in an empty parking lot
323
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,437
and not in Mayan's
school parking lot
324
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,522
in front of all her friends.
325
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,026
I mean, I've been trying
to make amends with Mayan,
326
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,361
but I can't do that
327
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,780
unless I also make amends
with you too.
328
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,950
And I could stand
to treat you better too
329
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,744
now that we're a family again.
330
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371
But you're still going home
331
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,623
to your place tonight,
though, right?
332
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,627
Yes.
333
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:22,547
Ay.
334
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,300
I feel terrible that we've
ruined things today.
335
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,593
Do you think we can fix it?
336
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,136
No, I don't.
337
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,305
That burger's been compromised.
338
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,599
Oh,
you mean the thing with Mayan?
339
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,309
Oh, yeah, yeah,
we gotta make that right.
340
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,810
[upbeat saxophone music]
341
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:42,400
[upbeat saxophone music]
342
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,444
It's sad that we can't use
all these dresses,
343
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,321
but I guess lucky
that the church is throwing
344
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:49,032
a dog clothing drive.
345
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:50,950
Yeah, I made that up.
346
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,412
You will believe anything when
you're loopy on honey mustard.
347
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:58,833
both: Surprise!
348
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,337
Oh, my God.
349
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,133
It's perfect.
350
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,302
You got everything I wanted.
351
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,304
How did you make this happen
so fast?
352
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,515
I did everything
your mom told me to do.
353
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:17,560
[high pitched]
And we even had a little fun.
354
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,941
I had it altered and cleaned.
355
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,194
You shouldn't smell like
ground beef around those dogs.
356
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,571
Thank you.
357
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,534
[chuckles]
358
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,828
It was a lot of work, Rosie,
but it was well worth it...
359
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,497
just to see the smile
on that chihuahua's face.
360
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:43,461
[upbeat saxophone music]
361
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:46,548
Welcome to Churro's quinces!
362
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:49,592
[cheers and applause]
363
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,928
Sorry there's no churros
or quesadillas,
364
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:55,432
but we spared no expense
on dog water, so drink up.
365
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,184
[cheers and applause]
366
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,519
Now let's bring out the court.
367
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,354
Vámonos!
[whistles]
368
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:04,357
[gentle music]
369
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:09,195
♪ ♪
370
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,239
Everyone look adoptable.
371
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,615
Your life is on the line.
372
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:19,581
♪ ♪
373
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,211
♪ Como diamante brillamos ♪
374
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,297
It's happening, Churro.
375
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,716
We're finally becoming women.
376
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:33,553
♪ ♪
377
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,139
* Hay luz reflejada
en el mar ♪
378
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,391
♪ Tu alegría está en mí ♪
379
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,311
♪ Tú y yo, tú y yo ♪
380
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:43,813
♪ Como diamantes al brillar ♪
381
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,440
♪ Eres como
un estrella fugaz ♪
382
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,235
Oh, she's so beautiful.
383
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,863
Will you stop focusing
on Churro?
384
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,907
We finally figured out
this is Mayan's day.
385
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:57,452
* We're beautiful
like diamonds in the sky ♪
386
00:17:57,452 --> 00:18:00,246
[upbeat electronic music]
387
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,414
[dog barks]
388
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,500
♪ Shine bright
like a diamond ♪
389
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,502
♪ Shine bright like
a diamond ♪
390
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:06,961
♪ Shining bright
like a diamond ♪
391
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,339
♪ Beautiful like diamonds
in the sky ♪
392
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,965
♪ Shine bright
like a diamond ♪
393
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,926
♪ Shine bright like
a diamond ♪
394
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,636
♪ Shining bright
like a diamond ♪
395
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:19,349
♪ Beautiful like diamonds
in the sky ♪
396
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:22,477
[cheers and applause]
397
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:28,858
[upbeat music]
398
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:30,443
Sorry I haven't had time
to meet your date.
399
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,945
I've been trying
to stop these dogs
400
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:35,615
from desecrating the church,
and I am failing miserably.
401
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,158
I can't wait for you
to meet Gina.
402
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,618
I don't know what it is,
403
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:42,247
but I feel like
I've known her for years.
404
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:43,623
That's great.
405
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,417
I'm glad you're finally
moving on from George.
406
00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:48,670
What's up, fools?
Hee-yah!
407
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,215
Quinten, this is Gina.
408
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,926
Well, Georgina.
She goes by Gina.
409
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,431
It's nice to meet you,
George... ina.
410
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,851
The pleasure's all yours,
Macklesnore!
411
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:04,811
[laughs]
412
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,688
- Isn't she great?
- Yeah.
413
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,107
Hey, if you're happy,
I'm happy.
414
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,942
I'm never gonna get
that dry-humping story
415
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:12,527
out of my head.
416
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,033
[clears throat]
417
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,952
We just want to thank everyone
for coming to celebrate
418
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,787
the woman of the hour.
419
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,124
We're so proud of you.
420
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:29,336
You're a great daughter,
a loving partner,
421
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,338
and an amazing mother.
422
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,506
And every day
when I look in your face,
423
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,842
I see so much of Rosie.
424
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,511
You better still be talking
about Mayan like I am.
425
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:45,935
We're sorry that our problems
made you grow up so fast.
426
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,104
And we're glad
that we are finally able
427
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,565
to give you the day
you always wanted.
428
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,109
We love you so much.
429
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,028
And we know
that this day celebrates you
430
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,863
becoming a woman,
431
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,324
but you'll always be
our little girl.
432
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:02,535
So, everyone,
can we raise a glass
433
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,663
or a bowl?
434
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:09,709
To Churro!
all: To Churro!
435
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,545
If she could hear
any of this,
436
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:13,797
she'd be crying too.
437
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,924
- Oh, Mayan.
- Oh.
438
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,805
Man,
they really love that dog.
439
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:26,768
It's a good thing
you're cute, dummy.
440
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:31,106
[upbeat music]
441
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:33,441
They're playing my song!
442
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:40,615
♪ ♪
443
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,252
Come on, man, what's
with all these water bowls?
444
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,462
You have to have a beer
back there somewhere.
445
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:59,134
{\an8}Here, I got you, homes.
446
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,931
{\an8}Thanks.
You're here with Oscar, huh?
447
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,141
{\an8}I hope you don't
mind me saying,
448
00:21:06,141 --> 00:21:08,810
{\an8}but I think you're way
out of his league.
449
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,270
{\an8}I know.
450
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,272
{\an8}But he adores me.
451
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,482
{\an8}And I adore letting him do
everything for me.
452
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:16,192
{\an8}[laughter]
453
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,360
{\an8}That's what's up.
454
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,822
{\an8}Hey, no beer in church.
455
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,201
{\an8}both: I can never do nothing!
456
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:28,830
{\an8}[upbeat saxophone music]
457
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:33,430
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