Original subtitles

foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] and they were ready to die [Music] again tonight [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] realized [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] ready to die [Music] ready to die foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah yeah yeah [Music] Shadow ninja has struck again we have to track down this Renegade bastard and do it soon our honor is at stake he disguises himself as an eager family ninja and goes about murdering government officials and we get blamed for it the government has lost face and the Army's demanding Revenge a bloodbath is in the making you have a choice you can sit on your lazy cowardly asses and wait to get bumped off one by one or you can catch the shadow you must seek him out wherever he may be hiding search every house every cave behind every tree and Bush and leave no stone unturned otherwise the eager family will face a total bloody massacre what does this mean my husband [Music] am I to know where we will go [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] thank you foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] why you probably thought that I was I know what you were doing reading dirty books again Jay old fellow let me explain something just because you aren't interested in women doesn't mean I can't even think about sex now and again hmm now and again you horny bastard your brain is incapable of thinking about anything else every time I turn around you've got your nose stuck in a dirty book staring at dirty pictures and for what you get all hot and bothered for nothing ah of course you're right I need to study real women you need a Cold Shot hey what's that fireworks somebody's having a wedding no don't you remember the posters we saw in town it's a big Festival oh yeah why don't we go look it over okay let's go now hey why waste time with the stairs very funny today you're gonna do it my way we'll fly down [Music] what's the matter what's the matter aren't you man enough I hope you don't think I'm afraid to do it I just don't like to show off that's all but there's nobody watching ah there's nobody down there but the gods above would be watching me all the way down good make the gods proud of you [Music] that one looks a little strong okay here we go [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Applause] [Music] okay Charlie let's go all right all right [Music] your grandmother can make it quicker oh yeah but I show better form here we go no wait wait [Music] that wasn't that fun [Laughter] [Music] thank you [Music] thing out okay [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh wow man he's a badass [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] did you hear what he he wants us to bow down he brings nothing but the bad blood to our people come on gods let's get him [Applause] thank you [Laughter] what's this the bull devil isn't supposed to win who's next you there prepare to fall do you prepare to pull Blue Devils [Applause] here to make a monkey out of you you ugly stinking skunk [ __ ] wow I believe he means it I bet you take him not me you're not scared of him are you no way but the stilts give him an advantage that problem is easy to solve well then be my guest go ahead foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] about yourself need a little help okay so sorry hey let's go [Applause] thank you over here [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] thank you wow [Music] really come on [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you Uncle Lee [Applause] Jay where are you thank you right there Uncle oh Playing Tricks on your old Uncle leg let me guess in by climbing up the water wheel didn't you okay I guess you caught me but look I didn't even get my feet wet how about that I think even you have to admit that I'm becoming a true Master of Kung Fu oh no you aren't a true Master is one who has mastered himself like you Kung Fu just so you can show off I know okay but most of all the work in practice to learn Kung Fu if you have no intentions of using it oh I understand now you just want the recognition due to a true Master there's a very important lesson that you haven't learned yet Jay a real martial artist doesn't learn Kung Fu in order to attract Fame and glory to himself thank you Masters prefer to remain unknown they would go to Great Lengths to avoid revealing their skills or their true identity but why it isn't something to be ashamed of I can understand it's not proper to boast and brag about your skills but why make a secret of it I don't want to live that way hiding out from the world like some sort of cowardly Thief you used to say I live like a monk but now it's a thief I enjoy a peaceful life quiet and safe you don't have to be afraid of anyone I can take care of if anyone ever tries to hurt you or Rob you or bother you in any way shape or form all I can say is he just better be prepared to die enough talk about violence and debt I'm perfectly safe and I fear no one ways [Music] okay [Applause] to curb lust take a cold water bath hmm hey Charlie I've been reading about your problem in my book hey huh my what your lust lust is not a problem it's my hobby it's a problem Charlie now put that down and take a cold water bath I have no problems whatever my friend but if anybody ever had a problem it's you so why don't you go jump in the cold water it won't hurt you oh forget it will you wow look at this one this is really hot stuff it must be your ass is on fire [Applause] when the fires of passion are consuming you a cool bath is prescribed for the sake of your sanity oh that stuff is all wet Charlie you have to admit that it worked anyway you're the one who's all wet funny that's very very funny [Applause] deception can be your most useful weapon oh Charlie come here oh no I need your help I've jumped off the roof of you I've been half drowned now enough is enough I want you to shoot me huh you're wasting your breath no way I'm not kidding I want you to oh boy this is a good one I can't wait to hear the punchline this is no joke huh use my bow take careful aim and go for the kill this is one game I'm really going to enjoy [Music] not big enough this one's just right oh have you ever made a big mistake this time you have had it ready let's go okay let's go you get ready for me while I load up some Stones good luck now I get revenge for everything he's done to me oh boy hey you guys give me a hand help me load this thing here we go get this in eenie meeny miny folks ready just remember you asked for this that shot [Music] [Music] hey how am I supposed to shoot you if you keep jumping around keep trying and you may get lucky come on how's Jay doing oh he's one of my best students Mr soon and so well behaved too you should be very proud of him yes the boy is becoming a man yes time for class now yes there he is you're being very bold now's my chance to floor you but just to be sure now you're gonna get it no problem and now you'll feel the force of my revenge give up you big bonehead good morning may I help you hi Dad yeah what's an exercise I can't work um I find nothing wrong I'm not sick just a little run down I have an order I need some vitamin E oh and some raw oysters some ginseng powder and a little Spanish fly quit wasting my time Charlie I am busy you know what I really need that rat poison to end my problems [Music] get back to work there's nothing wrong with you I'm just not myself dad I'll bet it's cause you have overworked me you aren't overworked son you're just over sexed now dad don't be preachy just remember you were young once I never wanted to have you in the first place now dad you know you wanted me you needed a strong healthy son like me to carry on the family honor in an upright manner now listen I know first I go to the storm and I restart every shelf and jar in the shop and then I can go thanks there bye bye yo wait what did I do to deserve him uncle [Music] it's in the past spend a great deal of time there these days old people tend to do that you know you're always thinking about the past but you never talk about it I don't really know who you are uncle why do you always shut me out everyone has to have a few little secrets I guess I'm no different it's just that you always seem trouble when you think about the past and I just don't like to see you worry that's all in the East Alone by stormwinds from Japan sign is it an omen [Applause] way for a once in a lifetime opportunity to see a demonstration of true God skills hurry hurry [Music] with a very small sample of the extraordinary God skills from our Kung Fu Master [Applause] thank you [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you better not wander in there when Master long is in the middle of a ceremony or he might get upset and if he does you're in trouble stand ing he didn't understand you he must be deaf and dumb let him in okay Mr long might cure him [Music] his footwork is strange huh [Music] [Applause] oh I see we have a disrespectful heretic who challenges my power so be it [Music] attitude you came to insult me yeah hey wow I guess it takes an awful lot of power to beat up on some poor guy who's being held I'll lay odds you wouldn't try the same thing with somebody who might fight back do you want to volunteer you're not worth the effort of climbing down I'll get him I don't require any help hi yeah [Music] get out of here [Music] you fight like an old cow if you're a Kung Fu Master I'll bet he learned by mail do you know who I am queen of the Kung Fu fairies [Music] it forced me to use God skills against you and may I inquire who you learn your God skills from of course my father my father long teeth who just happens to be the leader of the god skills Society who taught you Kung Fu me I taught the instructor the man who taught your father heretic Hi listen you little [ __ ] if you keep falling on your ass like that you'll suffer brain damage why [Music] wow pretty underwear you're a real darling [Music] [Applause] tell me what happened to your magical powers now you're in real trouble poor Master long he's long gone yeah hey you better watch it huh do you mind mine oh please don't mention it you're gonna pay daily for this excuse my fist I can't control it it thinks you belong with the rest of the dirt on the floor you shout out die [Music] [Music] [Music] thank you now listen to me if I ever catch you impersonating a god skill Master again you have had it I'm warning you this sacrilegious insult will be Avenged by my father he better be better than you are Mr Magnificent [Music] thank you thank you good evening why are you wearing my kimono to attract your attention I'm surprised you noticed hmm it's very attractive on you I wish I could stay home maybe someday you will be able to stay at home maybe someday you'll never return but I live in Terror every time you go out don't worry akane I'm not ready to die yet we'll be back in Japan before winter I promise be careful foreign [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] what do you want I've come to take your worthless head [Applause] you're a ninja would you kill one of your own yes you Carly Trader I don't know what you're talking about who the hell are you yeah Eve you better use this last moment of your life to beg your ancestors for forgiveness to my dad what is this all about you please tell me I don't understand you have a short memory what are you talking about huh [Applause] thank you [Applause] [Music] Uncle Lee [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Applause] [Music] all right you tried to leave me out of all your fun stand back let me handle him I'll take him get away get out of here before he kills you yes get away I've got him [Music] thank you [Music] [Music] take it easy it's only me your friendly neighborhood kill a ninja oh man if you could see her face oh you [ __ ] Uncle he's been hurt huh what happened oh Uncle Lee are you okay who did this to you I'll make them sorry go get some medicine huh okay [Applause] [Music] ah there that'll fix you up real quick it's good medicine I mixed it up myself I got the herbs for my dad's shop ah yes I feel much better we'll see huh where's she out there oh here put this on Jay what's wrong Jay Uncle ever since I was a child when you came here from Japan you've been just like a second father to me I don't want to pry into your past but this man's trying to kill you and I have a right to know why haven't I good in Japan I would say I was a ninja a ninja yes I was a ninja in Japan they are considered very low class people professional Killers to risk their lives who are willing to endure Indescribable hardships and slave-like service to their masters ninja is no ordinary person he's a highly trained machine of Destruction [Music] a ninja can trust no one trusts only his own judgment he is highly skilled with weapons saucers [Music] arms [Music] but his deadliest weapon is himself uncle that man why is he trying to kill you that is a very long story to understand you'd have to be Japanese who is he I'm certain I don't know him he's a man of perfect skill huh I beat him today and he knows it he better not try any more of that [ __ ] around here no no say it's only me Jay it's only me Charlie you idiot I gotta break your neck go ahead you already broke every other bone I have what's the big idea of going around dressed up like a ninja there and you can beat me get a little practice I'll cut your balls on you bed now big deal go to bed Charlie Corners me around like he owns me I'll show him I will practice and one of these days when he doesn't expect [Music] ah you must want to be a ninja too you're all dressed up just like me not bad not bad at all hey wait a minute where'd he go [Music] [Applause] Uncle Lee watch out [Applause] pull it right there you son of a [ __ ] now then you're pretty brave attacking an old man but you'll have to get past me first [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign Hotel check in but they don't check out [Laughter] [Applause] your small world keeps getting smaller and smaller [Music] [Applause] give up [Applause] thank you [Music] [Applause] foreign [Applause] what's your hurry to leave Ninja isn't the party exciting enough for you I'm doing the best that I can sorry [Applause] [Music] [Applause] sorry that's a dead end too a ninja trying to get away you're stuck now don't you want to talk it over [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] okay okay [Music] that's it the silver dust [Music] [Music] [Applause] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] huh I'll be God damn [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] it [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] what can you eat me kind of talk is that for a nice girl only if I can eat your what does uh Bozo he's back there who are you oh you want me to say it ah okay be easier if you had a chair oh you too huh what the [ __ ] is she saying I know um um you can't stay there forever I can wait as long as you can I know ah thank you how dumb do they think I am the tea is probably poisoned good tea good did you make yourself hi Domo gumbo Dumbo hmm calling me names ah for me what is it a menu goodbye sucker [Music] [Applause] [Music] I bet you think you really had me fooled all that time don't you hey [Music] huh [Applause] [Music] he couldn't wait to take that thing home and shot to his wife I guess maybe they've never seen such a thing as a pig's ass in Japan we showed him that the Japanese aren't the only ones who've mastered the skills of kung fu where do you get that Wii stuff Charlie oh it took both of us to bring off this whole scheme so that the deception really worked remember I was the one who pulled off the old Switcheroo but I'll admit you did your part by keeping him occupied playing Chop Chop I would have given almost anything to have been there when he opened it yeah I bet he said uh how do you say oh [ __ ] in Japanese hmm well let's see what would it be well the closest word would be [Music] yo [ __ ] yo hey you speak Japanese very well Charlie yeah but oh [ __ ] doesn't come up in polite conversations very often let's don't be too cocky about him ah he won't be back he's learned his lesson he'll be back but don't worry I'll give you my solemn word of Honor that you'll be safe and I know I know I will Jay but don't let yourself underestimate this man he's good but I can handle it hey you better be hitting the sack you're gonna have to sleep now [Applause] [ __ ] Japanese [Music] thank you I bet he wasn't expecting a kerosene bath incredible how do you do it oh did he just fireproof he must be I believe it who could die oh go down I see you still remember your real name as I as I remember the voice of a dear old friend son Shiro it's good to see you I almost didn't recognize my old friend I didn't expect to find you all dressed up my old kimono today is a sort of a special occasion Oh you mean to say you were expecting my visit after all I've had another visitor from the past recently I know I followed him here to try to salvage what's left of my reputation with the egot family who does he work for why do they want us destroyed it works for no one but himself it's a personal one-man War his motive is Revenge what is his revenge about blames us for the death of his father who is he do you know his name is jenmu purse Jan boku's son God because this damn Chinese climate [Music] you need medicine I'll be right back [Music] okay climate in a minute in a minute [Music] ah you need cold medicine all right all right all right you're a rat the rat poison I'll go uncle DJ I could not say goodbye in person for fear I couldn't control my emotions my years here in China living as your honorary Uncle have brought joy to my heart and richness to my soul beyond all words I wanted only to live a simple peaceful life doing my work enjoying nature and being part of your growth to manhood I would never leave you if I had my choice but man's Destiny does not always unfold as he wishes it to you have been like my own son and while I haven't always expressed myself openly know that I feel great pride and love for you however every man's life is beset by devils some of his own making others not I go now to face my devils and I shall not return now that I go honorably Jay in accordance with the high standards and ideals in which I have always instructed you in remembrance of your uncle Lee I leave you a Memento one side of my smiling Buddha if Destiny Wills someday you may find the other side if you find the man who wears it remember it is a symbol of Brotherhood it is my own world to die Jay and you must not blame anyone else [Music] I'll call me that's it Japanese drink it down it'll cure all your problems believe me this is the strongest medicine ever made you won't believe how quick it goes to work [Music] no that bastard's gone and poisoned me hey wait don't give it to her I thought it was for you no you don't understand it's rat poison no don't don't give it to her I didn't mean for her to have it it's supposed to be for you oh no you've killed her you've killed both of us [Applause] it really was only cold medicine huh clever foreign [Applause] I have nothing against you just stay out of my way from now on [Music] [Music] um how did you know where I was it was easy Once I knew it was you okay now you've found me what do you think you can do I wonder what I came to do I will destroy you destroy me don't be too sure you can do it old man you're not as strong as you used to be fukuda would spare your life but I won't you went too far and I will have your head for it hmm you will huh you're dedicated your life to Revenge without a single thought that you could be wrong you took a sacred oath there's a ninja but only so that you could betray us you murdered my father [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] yep [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you call yourself a ninja it's you and me now [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] kill me [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I go [Applause] [Music] [Applause] what the hell is going on around here where the hell were you when I needed you who's responsible for this you know that Ninja I better find Uncle Lee from White plate wait wait you can't leave me all tied up like this there he goes folks my best buddy come on I'm happy don't be afraid ah it wasn't you then ah beautiful lady I'm in love [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] then move [Music] thank you see you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] you're making a mistake if you think I am your enemy [Applause] [Music] good technique but you still have much to learn how nowhere near as good as your father was shut up you bastard your father was not a true ninja Jen Moon he was never totally cold-blooded in his performance nobody could match his knowledge and skill nobody and yet he was not cut out to be a ninja a true Ninja must be totally obsessed to killing machine your father was too good-hearted in the midst of battle his thoughts were of his family good brother make sure my son gets this if I die today we fought in Rebellion against moggy sanso and we were beaten chenboku died honorably no braver man ever lived his friend somehow managed to escape take this [Applause] [Music] I've kept it for you [Music] through all my years of Exile I too was a rebel I did not fight against your father fought at his side [Music] I was so wrong I beg your forgiveness don't blame yourself I fled from the dishonor of defeat not from you but if you couldn't have known that and now I give you my life what what do you mean I took poisoned before I came here General but why it was my duty as a ninja to erase the dishonor of my defeat instead I ran away and went into hiding and Dishonored myself even further can't move please take this [Music] from your father's best friend [Applause] [Music] a Chinese boy tell him I [Music] thank you you can't stand it it's too much use your sword use your swords use your swords [Applause] oh my God [Music] foreign [Music] ER you killed my uncle you can't just walk away you'll pay for this I saw him on his knees begging for mercy and you just ignored it wait Foreigner call yourself a man I'll tell you what you are yeah you understand that I'm no murderer you're wrong bastard you do speak Chinese you listen to this I'm gonna kill your ass you son of a [ __ ] your stinking father was a cowardly hover you'd better watch it China man your father was a son of a [ __ ] and a coward you're determined to die aren't you for you I don't need a sword though nothing barred follow me [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] enough yeah yeah yeah [Applause] [Music] okay [Music] you better practice boy [Music] [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] huh you might as well hide behind a tennis net huh [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause] all right yeah I've never seen such endurance that guy's not human [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] laughs [Applause] I don't know [Music] good fight while it lasted the fight's only started is that so listen when I get through with you your balls are going to be so swollen you'll get flat-footed carrying him oh is that so I beg your pardon I said you big [ __ ] huh oh are you talking about me if the shoe fits wear it baby hey you're wasting my time all we're proving is that we're both unbeatable let's drop the snake fist okay no more snake fist this whole thing is senseless you know why'd you kill my uncle he took poison he asked for the sword the pain was too much for him you liar you killed him listen to me I only do what he asked me to do I did not murder him I don't believe you your uncle was my father's best friend have you repaid that friendship by killing him liar stupid fool [Applause] oh [Music] [Applause] I leave you one side of my smiling Buddha if you find the man who wears the other side it is a symbol of Brotherhood where'd you get that Buddha from the old man just before he died he wanted us to be brothers I tried to tell you go the rail's breaking [Music] I love you okay I've got you the Rope won't hold us both let me drop no rain [Music] let me drop her on both die shut up and help me swing inside of the balcony you can't do it together come on [Applause] two [Music] [Music] hahaha oh fine it's the father of that phony magician this is God's Guild this might be useful against him a Sex book is some weapon you've never fought a Chinese magician just watch wait a minute you aren't going to take them on alone you have a brother now huh believe me you have no idea what you're letting yourself in for shall we this way [Music] [Applause] you can use this one just watch How I do it [Music] [Applause] [Music] you're a real smart ass aren't you [Music] what are they supposed to be doing they're constructing the altar of magic [Music] that's supposed to be magic they haven't started yet [Music] thank you we'll use our own kind of magic and see who wins he's calling out demons to possess his Fighters [Applause] who insulted my son you insulted me you insulted my magic my magic now face the holy disciples and receive your punishment ah what a maniac his Fighters are fanatics no the weapons wow he can't be hurt by weapons they're all fakes a real weapon will stop him are you sure [Applause] what are you doing your weapon will hurt him hey give that sword to your wife for cutting vegetables [Laughter] prepare to die hey what's happening where is it [Music] why I figured it out your sword is foreign it's Japanese his magic is local not foreign therefore [Applause] I'll leave volley up to you since you have the magic weapon you wait here be careful now thank you mother [Applause] [Music] watch The Possession [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] wow pull yourself together Baldi we can't make a purse out of this yeah [Applause] [Music] hey old man you come down now let me see how you can fight if you dare big phony bullshitter he won't come down let him just keep humming himself to sleep let me teach you another useful phrase in Japanese it better be a good one fight you wait a minute what does baicha mean bite ya Let's see it means lots of rock oh you can't walk out of me now with the old man up there his army over there and me in the middle and your weapon is the only thing that gives me an even chance Firebox [Applause] ready one two three [Applause] but now he still won't come down I've got a plan [Music] [Applause] wait a minute I'll bet I could take him uh-oh he's calling up a demon you interrupt me again [Music] we have to stop him once the demon possesses the body he is invincible thank you he's using God skills oh no [Applause] long cheat watch out I thought so Charlie's dirty artwork sure took care of that why did the picture affect himself the practice of God skills demands pure thoughts you have to avoid women [Music] look out it'll knock your head off [Music] [Applause] thank you tonight [Applause] I hope you're watching and learning [Applause] that's right [Music] [Applause] okay keep him busy we have a new weapon turn his head this way wow the real thing you're welcome my pleasure [Music] let me get them back [Music] it's just like I've always said you can do battle with strength you can do battle with wits but no weapon can beat a great pair of chips [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] [Music]