Original subtitles

[grunts in effort]

-[scream] -[growls]

-[animals chirping] -THUNK: Well, the good news is

we're getting some quality hangtime.

-Yup. We just gotta hangtough.

-That's the spirit! Can't get hungup on the small stuff,

like being eaten by a scorpulion.

EEP: Maybe we should keep it positive, Dawn.

DAWN: Right. I bet we're delicious.

-So what do we do now? -Ooh!

We hangin there. Nailed it!

-Have we reached the screaming part yet?

-Yeah, we're there.

-[screaming] -[roaring, snapping]

-Oh no! Who will save us?

[barking]

[growls]

ALL: Douglas?

[snarls]

[growls]

-[snarling] -[barking]

[roars]

-[smack] -[slow-motion roar]

[barking, panting]

[all screaming]

ALL: Whoa!

[laughter]

-[happy grumble] -DAWN: Good boy, Douglas.

-No. He's the bestboy.

ALL: Douglas! Douglas! Douglas! Douglas...

-[mumbling] Huh?

Oh, Douglas! I just had the craziest dream about you.

-[grumbling] -[Thunk laughs]

I'll tell you about it in the morning.

Looks like you're busy saving the world in your dreams, too.

Because heroes like you never rest.

[grumbling]

[voracious eating]

* Let's live wild, the world's our own *

* We built this wheel now it's gunna roll *

* You know a spark becomes a fire wherever we go *

* Whoa-ho-ho *

* Stuck together, stuck, stuck together *

* It's an evolution for worse or for better *

* To find some unity *

* For all humanity *

* Because we're stuck together *

* In one big family tree *

[chittering]

-I bet Belt cracks first.

-No way! Belt is all about self-control.

But I think we know who's gonna lose. Hint, hint.

It rhymes with "rash."

[chattering, squeaking]

-Sash! Don't do it! You're better than this.

[disappointed chittering, squeaking]

-Now, that'sa great place to keep your snacks.

-They're not holding our snacks. It's a test of discipline.

Whoever can keep the treat on their nose longest wins.

-Cool. Can we play? Douglas is totally disciplined.

-Yes! Default win! The sweetest victory!

-Wait, wait. What does discipline mean again?

-It doesn't mean hungry. -No? Well, either way,

Douglas is still the best pet on the farm.

-Uh... yeah. Sure. The best.

-Don't get me wrong. Douglas is great,

but "best pet on the farm" great? I don't know.

-He's the best at lots of things.

Eating. Sleeping. That.

-He's a real triple threat.

-Did you hear that, Douglas? You're a triple threat.

That's at least five threats. [grunts]

-But seriously, we all know which pet

is the best on the farm, right?

ALL: [simultaneously] Chunky! Sash! Belt! Douglas!

-Okay, maybe we don't all know.

-But I know how we can find out.

-So are you gonna tell us or...

-In through the nose, out through the mouth...

[Grug breathing loudly]

-[loud inhale] Hey, do you hear that breathing?

-Yes! It's you! And it's in through the nose,

out through the mouth. You're all mouth.

-Mom! Dad!

-What? What's the matter? Is everything okay?

-No, everything is not okay!

We have a huge problem!

-Oh no! Did your father singe his eyebrows off again?

-Phil's done that before?

-Yes, and he looked like an adult baby.

-[screams] -It's not that.

We need to know who the best pet on the farm is.

So, just tell everyone it's Chunky, and we can move on.

-Or we could just move on now.

-I get your hesitation, Ugga,

because, obviously, the best pet is Belt.

-It's okay, Mom. They can handle the truth.

It's clearly Sash.

-And by Chunky, Belt, and Sash, they all mean Douglas.

[whimpers]

[laughs] Attaboy, Douglas!

I'd like to see the other pets around here

get their heads stuck in a beemu nest

and slam into a tree like that.

-As fun as that sounds,

let's do absolutely anything else instead.

-Nice try. So, tell us... which one is it?

-I think they're all the best.

-Or the worst. Either way, it's a tie.

-[protesting] -That's just an answer moms give

when they don't wanna give a real answer.

-Pick a side, moms!

-We need to know now!

-Well, how are we supposed to answer that? It's impossible.

[sings high note]

- Unlesswe have a contest

to pick the best pet!

Pit them against each other, have challenges

that test their loyalty, their intelligence...

-And their special talents!

Like making people laugh! Do the pie thing, Belt.

[chittering, splat]

-Ooh! And Ugga, you and I can be the judges!

We'll watch them try their best

and then we'll tell them what they did wrong,

no matter how petty! Won't that be fun?

-Fun? No. But, it's gonna happen anyway

because there's no stopping this disaster. So, I guess I'm in.

-I'm in, too! Wait, what are we doing?

-Then it's settled!

Go get your pets ready, kids!

Because we're gonna separate the best pet

from the other inferior pets

based solely on our opinions! [coughs]

-Oh, that'swhat we're doing.

-Yep. Whether we like it or not.

-Come on! Let's pit our pets against each other

in a competition they don't understand!

[cheering]

-Okay, Douglas. I know competing,

or trying in general isn't really our thing,

but we've gotta prove that you're the best pet on the farm.

-So let's get you ready! -[growls]

[panting]

-Hm... -[grumbles]

Yeah, I don't know what to do either.

-EEP: 298! -[barks]

-299! 300! -[grunting]

-Alright, that's it, Chunky! -[growls]

Now that you're warmed up, let's get serious!

-Whoa.

I have no idea what they're doing,

but if it works for them...

[straining]

[groaning]

One! [gasps]

So let's never do that again.

-DAWN: Okay, Sash. -[barks]

Find the strawpeary.

* *

[chittering, squeak]

That's five in a row!

[laughs] You really are the smartest!

-[whines] -[Thunk grumbles]

-Okay, watch closely.

* *

[giggles]

-Come on, buddy. You can do it. -[sniffing]

-Find the bug nugget. -[whines, barks]

Hey! Where are you going?

Oh, attaboy, Douglas!

Working smarter, not harder.

-I like it. Huh? -GUY: Keep it going, Belt!

[chittering]

Well, you've mastered juggling papynapples.

Should we move on to flaming axes?

Ah! I was kidding. Put it out.

-[laughs] Now, thatis talent.

But what's your talent, buddy?

[panting]

Hm...

Ah! You beat me again, Douglas! Way to go.

-You're a stare master. -[barking]

Okay, you got this contest in the bag.

Time for a pre-game nap.

[grunting]

[both snoring]

-298! 299!

300! Ah!

Still time to call this off.

Chunky is a lock,

and there's no shame in avoiding shame.

-Chunky might be strong, but can he do this?

[chirping, chittering]

* *

-Or this?

[squeaking, chattering]

-Greetings, children!

The olive-adoes are ripe and ready for picking.

It's backbreaking work in the blazing hot sun.

-You'll love it! -[smashing]

-What on flat Earth is wrong with Belt? -[chattering]

[gasps] Has he been poisoned?!

-No. He's spinning plates!

We're having a contest to pick the best pet!

And Belt's gonna win.

-A pet contest, hm? How interesting.

-Don't worry, Dad. We won't bother you.

I know you don't like pets. Or animals in general really.

-What? Absurd. I love pets!

EEP: No, you don't!

You called Chunky a natural disaster of filth and fur.

-In jest, Chunky! You know I'd never insult you.

And then admit it. -And after all these moons,

-you've never once hugged Sash. -[chittering]

-[squeaking, squawking] -PHIL: Ew...

Because...

I didn't want her to get too attached to me

and abandon you!

No, pets are my passion.

That and cutthroat competition.

But more the pet thing. And, to prove it,

I'm going to win this pet contest

with my pet Zenithees!

-You have a pet named Zenithees?

-Yes, but he's shy.

That's why you've never seen him. But you will!

As soon as I convince him to make an appearance.

In fact, I'll get him right now.

Don't start without me!

-Clearly, there is no Zenithees. -Clearly.

-So we're starting without him? -Clearly.

-You have been selected as a potential candidate

to represent me, Phil Betterman,

in a best-in-farm pet competition.

So, tell me! Are you a beast

worthy of the name Zenithees?

-[clucking, deep squawk] -Excellent!

Now, dazzle me!

[goat scream]

Eh. Next!

-Welcome to the first...

-And definitely last.

-...Best Pet on the Farm Contest!

-Are we seriously going through with this?

-Absolutely!

And, as we all know, a good pet is loyal.

They stick by you no matter how many times

you make fun of their topknot.

-Hope. Pets. Not Phils.

-Right. And they stay by your side,

even in the face of temptation.

[chittering] So, for the first challenge,

we'll see if your pet will stay by your side in the face of...

delicious ribs.

-[cart squeaking] -Did someone say ribs?!

Because I got ribs right here!

And I didn't eat any of them! You can check!

[burps] Actually, don't.

-So the pet that can resist these ribs the longest will win!

-Ah! -[barking]

-And Douglas is out.

-Oh, so is Thunk!

-So is Grug! I call dibs on the ribs!

[all voraciously eating]

-Maybe we should start before everyone is out.

-Don't rush me, Ugga. And... go!

-You got this, Chunky. -[growling]

Eye of the tigerangutan.

[slurping]

-I think you mean Belt's got this. -[chittering]

-Yeah, if by Belt you mean Sash! -[excited chattering]

Because there is literally no way she can lose.

-Sash is totally gonna lose.

That's why I'm Team Chunky. Go, Chunky!

[whining, growling]

-Chunky, no!

[snarls]

-I knew Chunky would break. He's no match for ribs.

That's why I'm Team Belt. Go, Belt!

-Come on, Belt! You're stronger than you think.

[squeaky yell]

I was wrong! You broke my heart, Belt!

You broke my heart!

-Woo! You got whip-Sashed! -[chirping]

-Impressive. And talk about loyal.

-She sure is.

It definitely helps that she's a vegetarian.

[chirping, chomping]

-Yeah, but so is Belt! Or was.

[chirping, chewing]

-Yes! Sash wins! -Huh.

Because she's a Betterman! And she's the best pet!

Not that I have a favorite because I'm a judge.

A fair, impartial judge.

-Obviously. -I knew Sash was gonna win.

-And in summation,

that is why I believe you are the perfect creature

to be my pet. So, do we have a deal?

-[monkey shrieks] -[gasping, grunting]

A simple "no" would have sufficed!

Oh, wait! This is a simple no

-in your language! Next! -[shrieking continues]

-A good pet is smart.

When they're up against an obstacle,

they always figure out how to get past it.

Instead of letting a pipe leak for moons and moons

because they can't figure out how to fix it!

-Right. Because that's a pet issue, not a Phil issue.

-If your pets wanna quit while they're ahead,

or should I say behind, I'll totally understand.

-Uh...

-Too much? -Dawn, this is a contest!

There's no such thing as too much.

-Ooh, good. Then get ready to live inside a bearacuda

'cause me and Sash are gonna feed you to one!

-Good! Like the energy! Also a little scared of it.

-Okay, buddy. Even though

you've never done an obstacle course,

or much of anything, I believe in you.

-So, for the second challenge,

you'll take on this obstacle course!

The first pet to cross the finish vine wins!

Unless I decide otherwise because I'm a judge.

-Is that how judges work?

-And go! -[roars]

[cheering]

[barks, whines]

[groaning]

-Sash is definitely taking this one.

-Uh-huh. 'Cause Sash is winning.

-No! 'Cause Sash is winning!

And she won the last one, which means Sash is a winner,

and I always pick the winner.

-Except in the last challenge, when you picked Chunky.

-At first, but then I said Sash was gonna win

because Sash was winning.

[chirping]

[yawns]

-Uh, Belt knows there's more race, right?

-Belt has a plan. Don't worry.

[barking, whining]

-Chunky! This is important!

Stop playing and start climbing!

[roars]

-[wood cracking] -[vines creaking]

-[Chunky grumbling] -[Sash chirping]

[grunting, shrieking]

-Told you Chunky was gonna win this thing.

-Sure, because you've said that about all the pets.

[snarling, roar]

[chittering]

[squeaking]

[chattering]

-And that was Belt's plan. He may be sloth slow,

but when it counts, he'll make you a Belt believer.

-[chattering] -I declare the winner

of this challenge is Belt!

because I'm a judge, and I say so.

-And because he actually won. -GRUG: Yes!

I called it! That's how you pick a winner!

-By picking them after they win?

-But Belt didn't win!

He didn't do any of the obstacles!

-All I said was "first pet to cross the finish vine wins."

I didn't say how. And as a judge,

my word is law!

-And as the other judge, my word is "sorry."

-And Belt's word is "dance." Victory dance!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

[grunting, chattering]

-We need to step it up, Douglas.

[snoring]

As soon as you wake up.

-So, you want to be my Zenithees, eh?

-Of course you do! Who wouldn't? -[growling]

But to earn that honor, you must prove yourself worthy.

And how does one do that?

By mindlessly obeying my every command.

[growling]

[panting]

-Next! -[roars]

-Finally, the last challenge is the talent show!

It's my favorite because this is when my judging really shines.

-So, to be clear, this pet contest is all about you.

-What do you mean? A talent show has it all.

Music, dancing,

and a platform where my opinion has ultimate power.

Besides, it's what I wanna judge,

-and I'm the judge. -You mean we're the judge?

-Yeah, we're the judge. -You're not a judge.

-[laughs] Good one!

-[laughs] This isn't even fair.

Belt has so much talent.

They may not let him leave the stage.

-Don't be so sure, Guy,

because Sash is gonna bring the tree house down.

-Yeah, well, Chunky's gonna set the tree house on fire!

[grumbling sigh]

-What? But, where will we live?

-Not a real fire, Dawn. It'll just feellike it.

-Oh... In that case,

Sash is gonna blow the tree house up,

grind it into dust, mix the dust into dough,

and bake some tree house bread!

-Well, I hope you and Guy are hungry

'cause when Chunky wins,

you two are gonna eat that tree house bread

for loser lunch!

-Hey, what about us? Don't sleep on Douglas!

Just because Douglas is sleeping.

-Wouldn't dream of it. Ha!

Okay, Belt. It's showtime.

-Wait, Belt is playing drums? He can't.

Sash is playing drums!

-Exactly! Right after Belt. Good luck.

[Belt chittering, squeaking]

-Well, this challenge is over before it even started,

'cause Belt is gonna win this one for sure!

-Will you please stop doing that?

-Doing what? Cheering for whichever pet is in the lead

because all I care about is being right?

-I'm not doing that. -UGGA: Hm...

[skilled drumming]

-Dawn! What are you doing?

-I'm turning this into a drum duel!

May the best sloth win!

-Judges?! -I'll allow it.

-I don't care. -Drum duel it is!

[drumming]

-So who's gonna win now, Grug?

-Belt. No, Sash.

No, Belt! No, Sash!

[drumming intensifies]

[both panting, sigh]

[gasps] -Oh no! They beat themselves down.

-Ah, they went too sloth! -Whoa.

They were really good! Hey, Dougboat,

I know were gonna stare your way to the top,

but I'm starting to think we need to go bigger.

Do something inspiring.

Something that'll make those judges wanna be better people.

Something no one else can do.

-But, what? -[Doug grumbling]

[singing high note]

Okay, Mom and Dad and other Mom!

Get ready to have your minds blown.

-Thunk, honey, what exactly is Douglas' talent?

-He can sleep through anything. Watch!

-[snoring] -[banging]

[chiming]

[loud blowing]

[goat scream]

[loud chewing]

[howling]

-[chiming] -It doesn't matter how loud it gets!

He just keeps sleeping!

-[blowing shell, goat scream] -I have to admit, it's pretty impressive!

[wind chimes chiming, blowing shell]

-And the wind chimes are a nice touch!

-This is Douglas' to lose

'cause he's definitely gonna win!

-Mm-hmm!

[panting, growls]

-Okay, Chunky! Let's see what you got.

Chunky's good at lots of things,

but I'm not sure the stage is one of them.

So, if you need a snack break, now's your chance.

-Good call 'cause Chunky's going down. -[click]

Huh?

[soft music playing]

[gasps]

[purring, growling]

-Since when does Chunky know how to dance like that?

-That's not dancing. [sobs]

It's a celebration of life through movement.

And that's my expert opinion as a judge.

-[crying]: I told you Chunky would move us to tears!

-[crying]: It's just so beautiful!

* *

[roars]

[applause, cheering]

-Bravo! -[growls]

-Well, I think it's pretty obvious

who won the talent show.

At least to me because I'm a judge.

-Guy and Dawn, sorry your pets couldn't drum up a victory.

See what I did there? [grunts]

Up top, Chunky! [laughs]

-So? Who won the contest?

-Who's the best pet?

-Yeah! All the pets won a challenge!

Well, except Douglas.

Sorry, Thunk. -It's okay. It's not over.

HOPE: Nope. It's over.

And now the judges will decide

who won after we confer.

-We will? -We sure will!

Let's confer, whatever that is.

Do we need logs? I'll go grab some.

-[panting] -Aw.

I really thought we'd show 'em, Douglas.

I guess I was wrong. [laughing]

Aw, you're right, pal.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Because even though you didn't win,

you'll always be the best pet to me.

PHIL: Stop the competition!

A true champion has just arrived!

-Too late, Phil. The contest is over.

It's in the judges' hands now,

-which are my hands! -And mine.

And I'm ending this as soon as possible.

GRUG: If you want in, you'll need a log!

PHIL: Nonsense!

Those other pets are unfit to share the same air

with my domesticated wildling.

Behold, in all his glory...

Zenithees! [growling]

[roars]

-Phil! You brought a wild tigerangutan onto the farm?

Have you lost your mind?!

-Yes, with pride!

Because I have tamed this savage beast with love!

Now, watch as Zenithees performs

an exotic ribbon dance to prove his pet supremacy.

Okay, Zenithees. Time to bring the wow!

Now, remember to smile and keep those toes pointed.

The judges will be looking for that.

And a-one and a-two and a--

[roars]

-Yeah, Zenithees is definitely winning this one!

-You might actually be right this time!

[all growling]

-[chittering] -[nervous laugh] What do we do now?

-What we always do in situations like this.

We fight!

-Yeah! Eye of the tigerangutan!

-[snarls] -Or Chunky handles it.

-Works for me. -[roaring]

-[smack] -[slow-motion roar]

[screaming]

[panting, gasping]

[growling]

-So, what's Plan B? -We run?

-That would work. If we could run through rock.

-Okay. Is there a Plan C?

[barking]

-[barking] -[confused snarl]

-No. But there is a Plan E. "E" for Douglas!

-I think you mean Plan D, T-bone.

-No. Plan E. -Yeah, but D comes after C,

and Douglas starts with a D.

-Not following you. -Here, I'll show you.

So I said, "What's Plan B?"

And then Eep said it was too late.

And then Dawn was like, "Is there a Plan C?"

And then you'd say, "No, but there is a Plan D

-because D is for Douglas." -[growls]

-No, that doesn't work at all. -[barks]

[barking]

But Douglas willsave us!

If he could do it in my dreams, he could do it in our reals!

-Um, not sure that's true.

[barking]

-Is this how it happened in your dream?

-[laughs] Oh, no. This is way better!

[barks, groans]

I know you got this, Douglas!

Even if it looks like we're doomed!

[panting, shaking]

[growls]

[tires squeal, engine revving]

[barks]

[crumbling]

[curious growl]

[all gasp]

[grunting]

-[all cheering] -[barks]

* *

[cheering, chattering]

[laughs] Douglas, you did it. You saved us!

-You're a good boy, Douglas. -No. He's the best boy.

[happy bark]

-Well, that settles it.

Now we know who the best pet on the farm is.

-We sure do. -No doubt about it.

-Yep. Couldn't be more obvious. -[chittering]

ALL: Sash! Belt! Douglas! Chunky!

-Which means they're all the best pet.

Just like I said from the beginning.

-I said that from the beginning.

-Pie to celebrate? Great idea, Hope.

-I didn't say that!

-[cheering] -Stay away from my pies!

-Oof! That went so much better than I thought it would.

-Well, that didn't go exactly as planned.

But, hiccups aside, I think it's safe to say that,

as a pet, Zenithees is--

[roars]

Out for vengeance! Next!

* *

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