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bernie mac!

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so let me explain something to you

about the mac man.

I love who I am.

I love what I've become, and most of all

I have nothing but respect for those who have followed me.

I will do things for dollars and cents.

I owe my craft to my fans and to all the people

who've been following me all those years.

See, it's not what you do, it's how you do it.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

I'm a comedian.

People know me as bernie mac.

That's why I'm gonna open up a day care center.

When I retire from comedy,

i'm gonna prove to you that I'm trustworthy.

I will fuck your kid up.

You ain't got to fill out no application.

The first three months free.

You don't need no hidden videos around the house

to see what the fuck is goings on,

'cause when you come to pick your kid up,

i'm gonna look you in the eye

and tell you what the fuck is goings on.

When you come to pick your kid up

and he's got a knot on the corner of his head,

and you say, "what happened to my son?"

i'm gonna tell you.

I took a hammer and slapped the fuck out of him!

What the hell is this?

What'd you think--

Come on!

Come on! Come on!

What was his real name? Bernard mccollough.

Mccollough. Mm-hmm.

There's nobody like him. One of the greatest comedians of all time.

Can make a joke out of anything that anybody said.

His timing was impeccable. He was the big daddy.

Whenever the guy got on stage, he just killed.

I'm in a bar minding my business, cooling out,

just being cool like I am, chillin'.

Woman gonna come to me, they just ask you

the goddamn thing they wanna do.

She said, "mac." I said, "yeah, that's my name."

"can I ask you question?" I said, "yeah."

She says, "does pussy taste like pumpkin pie?"

made me mad as hell.

Said, "don't ask me no damn question like that.

I ain't never had no pumpkin pie."

Kick it!

You don't understand.

You might call it the most famous

eight minutes of comedy ever

is the def jam "i ain't scared of you, motherfucker" show.

This cat came on the stage and was like,

"i ain't scared of you motherfuckers!

Kick it!" what the fuck?

Who the fuck is this?

He didn't plan on doing that that night.

That was not his intentions at all.

Chris tucker went out on stage

and killed it, standing ovation.

Then there was another guy that went on stage

and he got booed out the gym.

The guy walked past me. His face was down.

Right then martin lawrence couldn't even get the audience

back in order.

He said, "fuck it, let me bring the next one out.

Shit, wish you luck, whoever it is."

Bernie was backstage, "i'd come too far for this."

And he's there, "i ain't gettin' booed today,

young fellow."

I said, "man, they mean."

I said, "this is new york. You never know."

When bernie comes out, what he's reacting to

is what they did to the other guy,

so when he comes out and says,

"i ain't scared of you motherfuckers,"

it's not a joke.

He's telling the truth.

They thought that was part of his joke.

He said he was saying it for real.

Like, "i ain't scared of y'all.

Whatever you do, I ain't scared of you,"

and from that, it just went on,

and they let him go on through his act,

and they just loved him.

Kick it!

You don't understand.

I ain't scared of you motherfuckers.

We knew how important that 5-minute set

was gonna be for your life.

Like, we knew that that was a game-changer.

I told kid capri that every time I say "kick it,"

he was right on time when I cut it off.

I said, "you don't understand."

He was like, "i killed it. Oh, I killed it.

Wait till you see it."

So he put the tape on, and we watched it,

and I was literally, like, "i don't get it.

It wasn't funny. I don't understand, why--"

and he was, like, "oh, see, that's the problem.

You don't understand. You don't know comedy."

And I was, like, "no, it just wasn't funny."

Well, I ended up being wrong because that ended up being

his big catch phrase.

And I love sex. I love it.

Can't do shit no more, and I'm blessed.

I'm big boneded. I'm heavy structured.

I'm hung low.

If I pull out my shit, this whole room get dark.

Kick it!

You don't understand.

I ain't scared of you motherfuckers.

At that particular moment in time,

the world got to see him, and the world embraced him,

and we rode with him from that very moment on.

My dad was born and raised in the city of chicago,

which he never hesitated to tell anybody.

As he always said, "i'm from chi-town."

Chi-town.

Chi-town.

My town.

No other way. No other way.

He was a proud chicagoan.

It was the script he wrote for his life,

and he carried that with him like a badge of honor.

Bernie's old-school black, you know,

and, uh, chicago was his life.

Soon as he finished work, it was crazy, like.

He'd finish shooting his show, 12, 14 hours,

jump on the plane, go right back to chicago.

I'm like, "man, you know, they got places out here.

You can stay a few days.

You don't have to put the pressure on yourself."

"i'll see you next time, little brother."

Chi-town.

He became my chicago guide.

I got to town. I called him.

We played golf together.

He took me to all his spots around chicago.

Was he a good golfer? no.

Because he was the king

of talking about how great he was.

Bernie's like a lot of guys that play golf.

They enjoy it.

They hit, like, three good shots,

and they think they can play golf.

No, he actually, he talked a great game of golf.

Couldn't play a lick.

Well, first of all, the proper thing to do

is have confidence.

You must have confidence.

It's not if you miss the ball,

looking good when you do it.

oh!

That was foul. That was foul.

Bernie's the only person that ever hit me with a golf ball.

When we were playing together in chicago

I made the mistake of walking in front of him

down the fairway

'cause I had out-driven him by about 30 yards,

and I was walking down the fairway,

and next thing I know,

felt like somebody shot me in the back.

Knocked me to my knees, brought me down.

I was saying, "you're trying to kill me."

But he was fun to be out there with. Good.

Whenever he was working for the movies,

he would stay out here

for however many months the movie filmed.

I would've loved to have been able to kind of sit in

some of his co-stars' trailers, pick their brain.

I wanted to see what it was like to work with him.

And then they would always-- You know,

when you see him in passing, they'd always come up, like,

"ooh, your dad is great,"

and I'm thinking, "yeah, you just don't know him."

I really enjoy seeing bernie on the big screen,

to go from stand-up to becoming a tv star

to becoming a movie star.

It was just, like, whoa, you know what I mean?

It's like it can really happen.

I beg your pardon, sir.

You must have me confused with someone else.

My name is ramon, as you can see right here.

I really found him to be much more skilled as an actor

than I would've anticipated just based on

finding out that he was primarily a comedian.

He has the capability of being so truthful and honest.

He was able to connect to those emotions

and portray them truthfully, and that's all acting is.

He had a natural feel for-- As an actor and as a comedian.

The kind of comedy that bernie did

really made it possible for him to make that transition

into being a dramatic actor.

Black man can't earn a decent wage in this state. That is absolutely--

You gonna try to throw me out on the street? I don't want to throw--

I'm trying to do my job, sir. Do your job. What you want from me, man?

Want me to get on the table and dance?

Like me to shine your shoes? Want me to smile at you?

You definitely won't let me deal the cards.

You might as well call it white jack.

Your father had-- Did one gesture.

To this day, I've never seen anybody else do that.

He did it in the movie a couple times, go--

yep. Nobody did that.

Like, "get out of here." yep.

And it endeared me to him.

This big guy with this one little gesture.

The best characters are they start somewhere

from something that you have and that you bring to it.

And, clearly, bernie just brought his flair.

Yeah, right. Horrible thing to say.

You sir, of all people know that we at the ngc

have always supported the hiring of colored--

No, I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

Okay, come on, sit down.

Sit down. You better talk to him.

Those were well-constructed scenes

that were played very easily,

and there wasn't really a lot of discussion about it.

We just did it, you know, and it was like jazz.

Everybody had the chops, and everybody was in the pocket.

Being on the set with him and carl reiner

and elliott gould, and they just had stories.

And we would just sit around sometimes

and be 15, 20 hours late shooting because--

And steven, too, the director,

he would want to hear them, too,

so we'd just all sit around, and he would just tell stories.

They all genuinely liked each other,

and they never-- Whenever we were shooting,

nobody would ever leave the set.

They would always collect and start telling stories,

and there are few people that tell stories better than bernie.

I remember bernie talking to carl reiner a lot.

I think he really respected carl's work.

Bernie mac. Mr. Reiner.

What's up, reiner?

You're looking good there, sir.

This is my mentor. This is my storyteller.

We had a lot of conversations backstage at the--

Doing "ocean's eleven, twelve".

Ten, eleven--no eleven, twelve and thirteen.

I remember on "ocean's twelve," "chillax" became--

Was a word that like went through the crew like wildfire,

that that was something that he said on the set one day,

and it just entered the lexicon immediately.

It's a bernie macism. A bernieism.

There was a million of them.

There was just, you know, "i walk alone."

"i'm dying of the loose balls."

"i'm from chi-town."

"wrong hole pimp."

"somamabitch."

"i'm paddling upstream in a downhill world."

"you got the look, but you got to get the joke."

"you ain't what the owl left on the limb."

"i'm on the 50-yard line, but I'm first and goal."

Be like, "what?"

so many times when bernie said something

didn't make any sense on paper,

but everybody knew what he was talking about.

I mean, you were either along for the ride or you weren't.

He said, "man, if I go broke, that means broke's in style."

It's like--

My dad grew up on the south side of chicago.

I wouldn't say they were dirt poor,

but they were pretty poor.

Our house was on 66th and blackstone,

but the city tore it down when the rats took over.

We moved to a new place on 69th and morgan in englewood.

Right above a church called burning bush baptist church.

Somewhere along the line,

maybe during the move to our new digs,

we lost daddy.

You know how you tell if you're a poor person.

You look in the fridge

and there's nothing there but bologna,

you were talking serious poor, but that bologna was good.

You eat it real slow, make it last, you know.

Yeah, we was poor, but here's the thing,

I didn't think nothing about it.

I thought life was good.

I thought how sweet life is.

He recognized where he came from.

He was, I think, appreciative of it.

When you grow up with nothing,

when you have nothing, you know, those--

You appreciate so much more when you've worked for something

and you receive the rewards of that.

Bernie didn't just-- Nothing was handed to him.

He had to work for it all.

He saw his own path out. He wasn't telling jokes.

He was telling stories, and he was just, you know,

talking, coming from the heart

and just letting you see, letting you in.

He could dig back to wherever he got his comedy at,

whether it was his grandma or his uncle.

Everybody's got somebody crazy in their family,

everybody.

My brother was crazy.

"hey, bernie." I said, "what?"

"help push this refrigerator on these people down there."

I said, "who the fuck you gonna push the refrigerator on?"

"don't worry about it.

You don't know 'em, you don't 'em."

"push, motherfucker."

I said, man, "this shit ain't right."

"shut up, push."

I said, "i ain't gonna push hard, man.

This motherfucker heavy. What the fuck you got in here?"

heard somebody say, "me."

He's a working-class guy, you know,

and so he wasn't above you, you know,

and I just think he said those things that everybody thinks

but they can't articulate.

Police brutality has its place.

No, police brutality, I mean, has its goddamn place.

Like that cat that carjacked and then shot at the police.

Oh, if I catch you with my car, shit.

You supposed to kick his ass.

You kick his ass.

I mean, what you supposed to do if somebody carjacked you

and then shoot at you, discuss it?

I'm kicking your ass...

On nbc.

He never forgot where he came from.

He was a good husband, he was a great father,

and he allowed those things to bleed into his art.

Women run everything.

I'm serious, they run-- They do.

And what they don't run, they trying to run. Shit, man,

I ain't gonna lie to you.

I ain't gonna sit up here and put this cool daddy thing.

I'm scared of mine. I don't know what it is, man.

I weigh more than her.

I know I hit harder than she did.

That's the most frustrating thing

to be scared of somebody who can't whip your ass.

I don't know what it is.

So I-I got--I call home and everything,

and I say, "hello."

I said, "don't ask me a god damn thing,

just pay attention."

I said, "don't worry about where the hell I am.

I'm in my skin.

I'll be home, god damn it, when I get there.

When I get there, I better have something to eat,

and it better be hot, and it better be good.

You think I'm bullshitting?"

I said, "let me speak to your mama."

He absolutely adored his wife.

He talked about rhonda constantly.

I never seen a guy talk about a new woman that much.

I mean, like, so...

Let alone a woman he's been with for 30 years.

So I met this girl named rhonda

my senior year.

She was a friend of my buddy, big nigger.

In high school, I didn't like him.

I didn't like him. I didn't like his looks.

I just didn't like him, but I did notice

all the girls liked him.

Then when I really got to talk to him I said

he was really a nice guy.

He's a charmer. He was funny.

I said, "oh, I see why they like him."

We started eating lunch together

and started hanging out,

and we were just primarily friends.

And I said, "well, I kind of like this guy."

So I said, "well, i'll tell my mama.

I have somebody I want y'all to meet."

I said, "his name is bernard mccullough," I said,

"but one thing, mama," I said, "he's real dark."

I said, "so don't you say anything,"

'cause my mother's very outspoken,

and she'll just say whatever's on the top

of her head, so I wanted to forewarn her.

You know, do not be offensive,

just come on in and say "how you doing?"

and she's like, "i'm not gonna say anything.

You know I'm not."

I said, "no, that's why i'm telling you not to."

She's like, "okay, I promise. I won't."

So he rang the doorbell.

I opened the door, and my mother,

she was coming past the hallway,

and did she not say, "oh, my god,

rhonda said you was dark. Oh, my god!"

and I said, "mama."

She said, "well, he is."

And I remember him saying, "yeah, I'm dark,

but you ain't never seen nobody pretty as me, have you?"

and she fell out, and from that moment,

my mother was in love with him.

I remember visiting your home and see right in the foyer

this huge black and white picture

of your mom and he at the-- At their prom.

What a beautiful story, you know,

what a beautiful life that is.

He found the girl he loved, and he loved her.

So I want to say to my lovely wife,

thank you for 21 years of happiness... Whoo!

And she was with me when I was just me,

and I want to say I love you. I love you, too.

Thank you. All right!

And that's for real. This is not for the camera.

At the time that he and my mom married in 1977,

he was working for general motors,

and after that he just had all kinds of odd jobs.

I didn't have steady work, you know,

but I never was shamed about taking work.

It was by the time he got to wonder bread,

I believe I was like 12,

I was like in the seventh-- Sixth or seventh grade,

and he hated that job.

I said, "rhonda, I quit today.

I've done everything that everybody always wanted me do to

all my life.

I'm a comedian.

If I don't do this, i'm gonna die."

He wants to do this.

now, If he doesn't make it,

he's always gonna look at me and say,

"you stopped me from my dream.

You prevented me from doing this,

so I said, "well, I don't want to be the one to block that."

If he's gonna do it,

i'm just gonna have to give him my blessings

and let him go and do it.

His wanting to support his family

I think was the biggest, biggest, biggest drive for him.

It's not just trying to get by

for the sake of your family, it's trying to get by

and pursue a dream.

Back then, there wasn't like a lot of--

There were black comics, but you were literally

like in the negro leagues or the chitlin circuit

or whatever you want to call it.

You were either a superstar or nothing,

totally at the bottom of the barrel.

Sometimes with comedians you can just be known

on just our--just the black people will know you.

He wanted the world to know who he was.

Bernie played to a black audience.

At the same time, there was probably

600 white comedy clubs,

and...

When I say white comedy clubs,

I call them white comedy clubs because, you know,

if you're in new york city and you have a comedy club,

and new york's half black,

and you don't book any black acts,

that's like having a "white's only" sign up, you know?

You had to have a name behind you.

You had to have like a def jam or something, you know,

behind you unless you did the white circuit,

and the white circuit, you know,

the bernie macs and the joe torrys weren't accepted.

Mr. Bernie mac live.

I started doing comedy in the comedy clubs in 1977.

Couldn't wait till I got my face on that doggone wall.

I couldn't wait till they called my name

when I walked through the smoke filled room

and the little, small tables,

and pulled that mike out that hole.

How you doing, my brother? What's your name?

I did small markets.

I did secondary market,

places where a lot of people don't want to go.

He did a number of small clubs around town.

One was called spices.

There was the cotton club

where we really built a real big following was a small club

called miltreneir's.

Every tuesday night, right here at miltreneir's.

It's on me, the mac man

with the mac man band, the macaronis

ain't nothing phony.

Tell it like it t.i. Is.

We're gonna have a good motherfucking time tonight.

Tonight!

He would start the show with a big music number.

Come on.

Come on!

He would start and stop the band.

It was real cool.

Then he's stop finally, welcome everybody to the show.

Guess who we got in the house, man. Who's that, man?

The little baby. Tiny. The little baby?

You got shaq o'neal in the house.

What's up, shaq?

Shaq came into my office, and my daughter shook his hand.

It was like a little finger in his hand.

And he gave me a shirt, I swear to god,

I got it framed.

I had a frame. I was like a quilt.

I'd like to see your dick, man.

And I ain't gay, I ain't gay, man.

I ain't gay, I just want to see if it fit.

Everybody, y'all, was at miltreneir's

and that was the place where I got my chops, y'all.

Show business is not easy.

It's the hardest working business there is.

You know, you really have to scrape and dig

to get--to get anywhere in show business.

And he did it in a way that's harder than anything,

coming up through clubs.

Those are the hardest places because you have to--

That's like a brick at a time.

It's like really, literally, starting from the ground up.

Watching him I'd say as a veteran, as a professional,

you kind of learned how to, you know,

how to go outside chicago, outside st. Louis,

outside of your geographical knowing

and expand your humor, and we went around the country.

It was, like, his jokes-- He didn't change them.

Were they white, black or whatever crowd we had,

it was, like, universal, so watching him

was watching him kind of like, say, communicate his humor

to the different parts of the world

without just being geographically set.

His big breaking point was in 1990.

He won the miller lite comedy search,

which was a really big contest in chicago,

and that was a huge deal.

Everybody got through with their routine,

and they were getting ready to announce the winner,

and I had told everybody,

I said, "he got this, he got this."

Mr. Bernie mac.

I did a hallelujah dance. I jumped.

I was-- I was in the aisles.

I did a holy ghost dance and everything,

and I remember--and I was screaming, "yes, yeah,"

just screaming.

That's bernie's wife.

Damon wayans said, "do you know her?"

and he was like, "yes, that's my wife."

The prize was $3,000

in which I put in my daughter's name for college,

the biggest payday of my life.

I think from that moment, it just kind of skyrocketed.

The bernie mac variety show consists of

a lot of different source of entertainments.

We have singing, you have dancing,

you have comedy.

I got juggling acts. I have tap.

I have different fans of entertainment.

We love bernie mac. yes.

Bernie mac is really, really funny.

Right there on the money.

I put together another show,

"midnight mac."

Went to hbo, pitched it, hbo bought it.

The show was before its time.

Hi, sweetheart, how you doing? Okay.

What's your name? Tyretta.

Tyretta, another one of those fucked up names.

Why couldn't you be margaret or some shit like that?

I've been practicing ventrilicuilism. What's that?

That's when you got a dummy... Mm-hmm.

And you talk with the dummy. oh.

And I'm good, y'all.

Bring it on, come on. Bring it on.

Bring it up.

This is little bernie. Little bernie.

This is little bernie. Okay.

I'm gonna fuck you all up, tonight, man.

Here my debut.

I've been practicing ventrilicuilism. Ventrilicuilism.

Ladies and gentlemen, little bernie.

Damn, you said I only had to be in that box for 15 seconds.

I've in there for over an hour.

It's like an oven in that box. You the motherfucking--

What's wrong with you? You lost your mind or something?

Shut the fuck up or I'll drop you motherfucker. I'll drop you.

Reg, reg! Fuck off.

Do right. Go on and do right.

I was an opening act for bernie

probably for about five steady years.

I met ali in '77.

He opened up as my opening act.

Good friend of mine who writes for me and chris rock

and who wrote this movie "head of state."

How does being bail bondsman qualify you to be

the vice president of the united states of america?

That's right, I am a bail bondsman.

People come to be when they in trouble,

like the united states.

We bail people out. We bail out mexico.

We bail out the savings and loan.

We bail out the airline industry.

Now you asked me, sir,

what qualified me to run for vice president.

When the country's in trouble, I bail them out.

Hold that thought. We have a caller from detroit.

Go ahead, caller.

Hey, mitch, mitch, what you looking round for?

It's reggie, mother

where my money at, man? Don't call me that bullshit. You see I'm on tv.

He should've played the president

'cause he was the president of the set.

Everything gravitated to bernie,

so when you say "cut," you know, movie sets,

things have to be set up, it's a lot of downtime,

and I'm over here talking to the dp,

thinking about, "okay, the next shot's gonna be this,

and we're gonna get a crane and then--"

but everybody would be crowded around bernie.

And bernie would just be telling stories, man.

There's a scene where somebody goes,

"what is your feelings about nato?"

and bernie goes, "nato jones is a good man.

What's your feelings about nato? Do you know nato?"

I mean, he adlibbed the whole thing.

What about nato? How do you feel about nato?

I never met nato. I don't know nothing about it.

I don't talk about people behind their back.

Nato is the north atlantic treaty organization.

Oh, I thought you were talking about--

I know this guy named nato jacobs.

But you have to know these things.

If you're running for public office. Do you know nato jacobs?

I don-- Do you know nato jacobs?

I know what nato is. Do you know nato jacobs?

I'm sorry, I haven't met the gentleman.

That's what I said. Didn't I say that?

You don't nothing about nato. I don't know nothing about nato.

That was all him. It wasn't in the script.

It was just bernie doing bernie.

It takes a lot of balls to cast a guy that's funnier than you

in your own movie.

Mr. President. Mr. Vice president.

You the man. No, you the man.

When we went to dreamworks to tell them that

we wanted bernie for the role of the vice president,

basically, their question was, "who was bernie mac?"

now... As luck would have it,

that particular week,

bernie was on the cover of "tv guide."

He was appearing on "oprah."

I think they had originally-- You know,

it wasn't too long before they had just come off

of "the kings of comedy" tour.

So literally, at that moment, bernie was one of,

if not, the hottest comic in america.

Please welcome bernie mac!

This ain't jay leno. They know you.

The disconnect, for what it's worth,

from, you know, the executive suites

to what's actually happening down the streets was that far.

The cast and directors were like,

"yeah, his vernacular we just--mm...

Yeah, you know,

it's kind of hard to understand what he's saying.

He's big, he's dark, he didn't speak,

you know, like people were used to,

so those might have been things that were his--

You know, they could have been detrimental to his career.

I'd certainly been at enough network meetings

where you bring his name up, and they'd go,

"i don't think--nobody can understand that guy."

"can people understand him?"

it's like, there's a whole bunch--

There's 5,000 people in here laughing,

they seem to be understanding.

2 million black people in chicago know what you said.

I know a good 15 million people who understand him perfectly.

I know the first thing you said--

"that's a black motherfucker that came out here."

I know I'm a black motherfucker. I know I'm black.

I thought I'd really shock y'all this evening, you know.

Thought I'd wear all black and some blue contact lenses,

i'd have fucked y'all up.

You know you're a black mother

when you put fingerprints on charcoal.

The darker you are,

the less people wanted to deal with you,

or you were ascribed a whole bunch of behaviors.

So, like, that whole, like, that for him to say

"i'm so black I leave fingerprints on coal,"

like, there's a whole slew of jokes like that

among black people, which--I mean, you know,

comedy comes from pain.

There's a bitterness about those jokes,

and in fair-skinned people who could pass for white

had a whole 'nother journey.

Then as he, you know, started getting popular

and getting more roles,

those would be the directors, like,

"yeah, we want--bring your vernacular with you."

Don't change that. That's--mac it out.

Be bernie mac."

So it was hilarious, like, wow,

who would have thought all those years ago

you lost that part because they were like,

"eh, his vernacular, eh, no."

And that's the very thing that made him who he was.

Man, you ain't never heard of no black irish.

Black irish? That's right.

Who do you think invented the msrib, lucky charms?

huh? Shamrock shake.

He was so quick, he could just, you know,

you'd say something to him

and then he'd throw something out to you,

and you're like, where did that come from?

Give me your papers. What?

Your papers!

Let me tell you something, you got a whole bunch of nerve

to ask me about my doggone papers.

My family suffered, man, for lack of potatoes,

foot and mouth disease, canker sores,

circumcision. Circumcision?

That's right, my wife just had a set of twins, man,

they're both leprechauns. Leprechauns.

Get the whiff. Irish spring.

You don't believe that, you can wipe your ass

with a 4-leaf clover.

I don't know if he ever even stayed on script.

Quite possibly, maybe never even said

one of the words that was written, so...

Anytime that we could be close to bernie

was a good scene for us.

We were always trying to be right by his side.

We're like, let's not block him over there.

We need him over here.

You know, we want him in the middle of us.

I'm serious. Who y'all talking about?

He needed time for his plan, so he set up shamus.

And then turned him loose on dylan.

I think you're onto something, angels.

Damn! So carter's a bad guy!

What's so funny about his humor is he tells the truth.

You know, that's why you laugh.

And, um, he makes you believe

or he makes you understand things that

you wouldn't have otherwise understood,

because he's laid it out in truth to you.

Got my sister's children living with me now.

I'm about to go crazy like a motherfucker around here.

See my sister's on drugs. I ain't ashamed to tell you.

Some of your family members fucked up, too, around here.

I call that rock star comedy.

That's--we were like the rolling stones of comedy.

It was private jets

and everybody had their separate limos.

And it was wild time.

I remember driving up--

When we were doing madison square gardens

and they said the kings of comedy sold out,

and I remember all four of us...

All but just pinching ourselves 'cause we couldn't believe

that we were in madison square garden.

I will fuck your kid up.

I will fuck a kid up.

That was--that to me-- Him downstairs.

It was classic 'cause everybody knows kids, man,

you know what I mean?

It's like, them kids are in everybody's house, you know,

two, four and six.

Shit, come help me babysit these motherfuckers.

When people find out i'm his daughter, that--

The first thing they ask, like, "how are those kids?

How are they?"

he was so mean, but it was so funny.

If he would have did it any other way

it wouldn't have been funny at all.

It was just like,

I mean, there was people that were literally crying,

like crying because they felt so sorry for the characters

he was doing.

We could see the kids, we could see the little boy,

we could see him standing, and, I mean,

he drew a vivid picture with that joke.

I came in the house the other day at 1:30 in the morning,

the 2-year-old gonna send the faggot downstairs

for some milk and cookies.

I'm going upstairs, he coming down,

he gonna walk past me like I'm a visitor.

I said, "where you going?"

he said, "to get some milk and cookies."

He said it so funny, I wanted to hear it again.

I said, "get some what?"

he said, "some milk and cookies."

I love the motherfucker but he's a--well, you know.

I told him, I said, "man, it's too goddamn late

for some damn cookies and milk, man.

Take your puck ass upstairs and get some rest."

That's how I talked to him. Fuck that time-out shit.

Oh, my god, I can't believe he just said that.

It kills me.

And he's just like, unabashed with it.

And that's the best shit ever.

It's great that batted clean-up

because he put his stamp on that.

We toured for three years.

And when we shot the movie, you know,

it was good to have, you know, someone with the cache of spike,

you know, come be involved.

But for us it was just, it was another set of shows.

He's the one that got it started.

He's real good. He's real funny.

I'm looking to crack my sides to see him.

And I know he's gonna be funny.

We shot it twice.

So we had to wear the same outfit the next night

that threw a lot of us off like, I mean,

you know, 'cause, again,

we were very serious about our clothes

and it was always about who shows up in what.

It used to be hilarious 'cause we would wait on the elevator

to see what bernie was wearing.

We would all try to get to the elevator to get down there

to see what bernie was gonna have on.

And you could see people going...

You know, white people at the ritz

ain't never seen no shit like this.

Who is this, huggy bear from "starsky & hutch?"

but you couldn't tell him he didn't look good.

You couldn't tell him.

He would buy, like, five of the same pair of pants

in different colors,

the shirts to match and the shoes,

all the shoes to match the pants.

People make assumptions when people come on stage.

The audience makes assumptions about who's funny

and who's not immediately, and you look at bernie,

and you go, "oh, this guy's gonna be funny."

He had like, these, airbrushed jeans on that was kamikaze.

He had everybody on his jeans.

Thomas jefferson, kid 'n play, it was ridiculous.

Some black shoes, a white shirt,

with a colored collar, and he had a hankie in one hand,

he was black as fuck.

I think it might have been an s-curl.

I don't know, bernie. It might have been s-curl.

His hair was always done.

And then I got to go to so and so

whose my nails person.

And this person does my feet, like--

This is before he got famous.

This dude loved a damn manicure.

Very meticulous and particular

about his nail, his manicure.

When we were working on the second film,

and we were trying to figure out how to introduce everybody,

that whole idea of him being in the nail salon came from him.

He really liked to have his nails looking sharp.

Fix me up! Shine my shoes!

Do my nails! My hair all right?

You mine, everything in this goddamn motherfucker!

You mine. You mine.

The whole nine yards.

And don't ever goddamn forget!

Walking on with your goddamn self.

Talks to me like i'm crazy.

Macaroni! Macaroni!

I'm gonna call you one more time.

Pay attention!

Come on.

Do it again

it was before the term metrosexual.

We couldn't call bernie metrosexual.

Now that's one thing you wouldn't get away with.

There's something about guys with big muscles,

it seem like the bigger the muscles,

the more effeminate the clothes. Okay.

You know, they got tank tops. I'm working out the other day.

Somebody's titty sticking all out

belly showing, pink--pink-- Pink shorts on.

Pink! Pink!

He asked me, can I spot him. Hell, yeah, can't Miss your ass.

The good thing that bernie was very brave about

was taking from his own life,

situation with his sister and the kids,

and I was like, wow.

To dramatize that in this way

and find the humor in that.

You're going to bust her head till the white meat shows?

That's--they're my boys.

Mr. Mac-- Come on, look.

Mr. Mac, between that and the profanity,

hold on, I don't use no profanity

in front of those children.

Possibly was a little bit ahead of its time, you know?

When you look at the dynamics of that family--

When he first went on fox

I was like, do they know what they got?

Do they know what they're gonna--

Bernie mac is talking about spanking kids

and locking them up and, you know,

people are so sensitive and politically correct.

Can we to-- No, you can't touch nothing.

Matter of fact, don't even look at it.

When you walk past it, close your eyes.

It's like w.c. Fields.

It's like, "get away kids, you bother me."

You know, it's like, i'm being mean to a kid,

and it's really funny.

You got to be really funny to be mean to a kid

and then be funny.

You keep on talking to me with that attitude, little girl.

I may not be your daddy,

but I'll whoop your ass just like your daddy.

And you'll go to jail like you was my daddy, too.

oh.

A lot of the teenage issues that I had on the show

was stuff that I was going through in real life.

Didn't I tell you don't touch nothing without my permission?

You didn't say the phone.

I didn't say the phone?

You said, "don't touch the tv, vcr, the dvd,

your old school, your new school

and your heavy rap.

But you never said we couldn't touch the phone.

Technically, she's right.

I mean, he was like the father in the middle of a hailstorm.

A lot of the scenes where we would be going toe to toe

was mostly just us adlibbing.

It was probably some of the best stuff that we had together,

when we would just feed off of each other.

What he allowed them to do was he allowed them

to connect with him, like, "take this ride with me.

How do you feel? How do you see it?

Let's do it."

And she was like, "yeah, I'm already ready."

He would say something and I'd be like, "vanessa's a goner."

Yeah. Oh, vanessa, you shouldn't have said that, girl.

You're gonna get it, girl.

I wanted to have an opportunity to play with bernie,

play with, really, a master in his craft.

Mama, why don't you let us take care

of the funeral arrangement?

I mean, it'd do my heart real good, please.

Oh, no, no. You're such an angel.

But dee's taking care of everything.

That's right. It's gonna be beautiful, mama.

I'm still waiting for daddy's check from the government, man.

You know how slow they can be.

Maybe you don't remember.

You big time and everything now,

but could you float me for a minute, man?

He did not just say that.

He did not just ask me for money.

The cousin dee was his brainstorm.

He was like, he didn't name names, either.

Well, maybe he did, but I won't say the name.

But he did say,

this is a real human being you're playing.

I said, how big can it be? He goes,

"you can't go big enough."

Look like somebody's shop class project.

Thing can't cost more than $200. Come on, man.

Well, what do you suggest, dee?

Bernie, when biggie died, r.i.p.,

they put the brother in a gold coffin.

Well, we do special requests but it can get a bit expensive.

Hey, man, hey! My father died.

Now I know we ain't up in here to pinch pennies,

ain't that right, bern?

I said, "hey, bernie, I want to try this.

You know, is that cool? I think this'd be funny.

And he said, "man, if you want to slide in here

and do the splits,

i'll be right behind you, like, "

you know, I said, that's bernie, that's him. That was him.

Then I looked at out at the camera when he looked

I said, who are you talking to?

And he was like, "you can't--that's my thing!

You can't look into the camera."

That was classic.

I loved that. Oh, that was classic.

And we both really thought that would be great.

To just for me--I so violated his space in every scene

that then I violated his whole counsel with america.

How dare i? "how dare you, cousin dee?

That's what I do."

What you looking at?

He changed the way you shot it.

And he talked into the camera, and he did it differently.

I'm sure that was his way.

And him talking into the camera,

and saying, I don't understand what--

And it was so endearing, and so him.

He knew that if he looked directly in the face of america,

he would get them.

You ever seen a chicken with his neck wrung?

Laying to the side all lazy and weak.

That's what I'm gonna do to them kids.

Talk back to me one more time, snap,

i'm gonna snap they neck off.

He used to love to pull pranks on people.

Did he try.

Remember the time when he called everybody in

and said that he was leaving the show

and everybody was so upset and walking around-- Crying.

"oh, man, what are we gonna do?" crying!

People were crying. They packing their bags.

They were like, the show is over.

It's a wrap.

I was in my room, and I was asleep.

And I hear the door open. Like, into the suite I was in.

And I go, "hey, man, this room is taken."

He said, "i know this room is taken, it's my room."

But I didn't know who it was.

I'm like, "who the fuck is this talking crazy to me

in my room?"

i'm like, "hey, partner, this is my room.

He went, "hey, partner, it's my room."

And I put a towel on and jump up

and it was bernie fucking around,

and he started cracking up.

He came up in the makeup, and it was really a good job.

'cause his eye was black and swollen

and his lip was bust.

Whoever did the makeup did a really good job.

'cause I actually thought he had got beat up,

and that was his intention was to make me believe

that he had got beat up when he came in,

so I'm all upset.

Let me take you to the emergency room.

I was crying.

I remember we had our great niece there,

she was like three, and she was crying.

"oh, uncle bernard, oh," just crying,

and he was like, ""

and he had the three of us holding him up like

he really had gotten beaten.

And I'm like, where were you all when he got beaten up?"

where?

I was like, I'm getting ready to call the police right now.

So I had the phone, then he was like,

"no, no, rhonda, look,"

and he start peeling off the makeup.

Oh, my god.

The best way to do a prank is you got to use something

that's important to people, and since harmony and family

and all those things were important to him.

He just had this--pretended just two people on the staff

were having this incredibly bitter argument.

And you know what, the next time-- I don't care.

No, the next time you have a problem with me

you don't have to go to neil. Well, maybe I had to.

You can come to me. I don't want to bring him into it.

You can come to me. I don't want to bring him into it.

You don't have to go to neil. That's why. I don't give a flying shit.

Got plenty of people,

we've been doing this for fucking three years.

I know how to do him. Go on. Move on.

Paddy, turn the fucking lights off!

Bernie, I ain't doing this. I playing with this chick.

I ain't doing this no more. Fucking turn them off.

Come on, wanda. Come on. Come on.

We made this situation sort of blow up in front of him.

For him to--kind of go, "hey, wait, hold on a second."

Bust your balls friday!

I'm like sitting here-- I'm sitting here

now both of my p's going off.

I'm like...

Y'all scored big on that shit.

My heart's sitting up here.

I can't do this.

She talking about shit.

I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do?

I said, "vick, vick, vick, vick."

You got me, motherfucker.

The chemistry between the two of us

is very visible there on screen.

And it was a genuine thing that happened

when we performed together.

We had a great time performing.

In that studio, he was like--he was smokey,

he was luther,

he was--he was frankie lymon, he was marvin gaye,

'cause in his mind, he can sing. He can sing.

"i can sing as high as I want to.

And I can sing as low as I want to."

I think he sang all the time.

There is always a little bit of a song through his words,

you know what I mean?

Always singing. Great, great singer.

And I liked that

and I'm like, "oh, my god, look at you."

Like, his voice was great.

He was so happy in that studio.

I laughed so hard in that studio.

I was like, "oh, okay."

All right, go ahead. Knock it out.

Did you tell them that I'm white?

You're white? Stop the car!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. It was a joke, sir.

I was kidding. Yeah, sister, you funny.

Simon, I didn't mention it

'because I don't think it's gonna matter.

Oh, it's gonna matter. It's gonna matter.

When I did a scene with bernie mac

and when I walked up to him

and he just embraced me like he knew me.

"hey, what happening, brother?"

and when I didn't remember the lines,

he had everybody on the floor.

He was like, "how you gonna be in the movies,

if you can't even read?"

well, who are you? Weston thompson. That's my cab.

But if you're still down with me making your girl happy,

i'm good to go.

We just wanted to capture an american portrayal

of what's going on today.

How do we know that adam and eve weren't black?

how?

You ever try to take a rib away from a black man?

Can't stop now, baby.

Okay, what are three things that a black man can't get?

What is that?

A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.

I tell you, I'm gonna kick that boy's ass.

No, no, no!

The three months that he played my father in a movie,

he taught me enough to last a lifetime.

Bernie was a good parent to a whole bunch of other kids

that he just picked up along the way,

either by playing father to them, uncle to them,

or just a leader to them, a friend.

He just had a natural skill for good parenting.

I'm one of the greatest. Hitters. Alive.

We worked on "mr. 3,000" together.

There was a scene where i'm at his house

and we're sort of dancing, and sort of flirty, coy,

him being charming and knowing that he's all that,

or thinking that he's all that, and he is.

You need to relax, old man, before you pop a valve.

You need to sit your ass down. And why's that?

'cause you out, sucker. Right here. He's out!

Right here, baby.

Bernie was so open to ideas.

I had an idea about

how to shoot this silly little piece we did.

And he was completely open to it.

He could have shot me down, but he said, "let's try that,

and then see what happens, and he left it in.

And I really respected that.

That was his first, like, major starring role.

It proved that he did have some acting chops,

and that's the one regret that I have about his career

is that I wish he'd gotten to have that

one really break-out role

where he really got to show people

what he was really capable of.

Because I still don't think people really know

that he really did have a range on him.

I would have loved to have made another movie with bernie mac.

I've always been sort of looking around

for a really interesting cop film to make,

and I thought bernie would be great,

you know, playing a dramatic role.

You're writing stuff you know, like,

bernie would be perfect right here, uh, man.

But there's only one bernie.

I was preparing for a film that I'm filming right now.

I went to go do some research in west texas

and I go to odessa, and one of the girls comes up

and she's, you know, this white woman,

I would say, chatting me up,

and we're talking, she's like,

"you know, I just want to know, like,

out of all the people you worked with,"

she's like, "what was it like to work with--"

and I was like, she's gonna say like tom cruise,

or jude law or you know, jim carey,

she was like, "what was it like to work with... With...

Bernie mac?"

and I was like, "yes!"

I was like, "i love you so much right now."

She was like-- And she was just waiting,

like, she was holding on, waiting.

She wanted so badly to know what it was like

to work with bernie.

And she was like on, you know, "what was it like?"

and I was like, "you know what? He was the loveliest man."

And she goes, "ah, I just knew it.

I knew it. I just knew it."

And I said, "and his hands were soft."

She's like "i knew his hands were soft."

Like, she was just like--

I was like, "they're always lotioned."

She's like, "i love a good-smelling man."

Like, she was just like- She was so happy

to hear that bernie was such a lovely person.

I just--you know, I Miss him a lot.

Sometimes, like, I'll hear his voice on something,

and I'll be like, "oh, my god.

Oh, man."

I Miss his friendship.

I got off a plane in europe, and the first thing they said,

"hey, man, we Miss bernie mac."

I Miss his honesty.

Even if you had just met him, he would always make you feel

like you had known him for years.

I Miss his compassion.

What an inspirational story,

you know, to see somebody who actually made it happen

which was an affirmation that your dreams can come true.

I Miss him.

All those qualities in him,

um, I'm sure that have been really inspiring

to the black community, and, um, so he gave a lot

with the little time that he was with us.

He left us with a lot.

It's so weird, just like, even now

you know, his number's in my phone right now.

And I won't get rid of the number, it's like...

It was his vibe that I remember more than anything else,

just that I was always happy to see him.

I always felt like he--the molecules shifted

in a really good way when he was around.

He wasn't always trying to get the spotlight shining on him,

just the opposite.

He was happy that he could sit back and be supportive

and let other people do their thing.

That's--that's rare.

To have somebody who's so full of life,

and who is so engaged in life,

and then they leave you so soon, it never really makes sense.

You kind of like--

That's why people want to keep talking about him,

because it doesn't seem like it's time for him to have gone.

Life is sometimes very unfair.

And the adage that only the good die young

sometimes it hits you right in the face.

Bernie that was one that mm, lord.

It's definitely a honor to be here

to pay respect to the family and my brother bernie.

This dude is a very, very popular guy.

Y'all know y'all was calling me like, "say,

let me get four tickets to the funeral, man."

I was like, "now that don't make no sense right there."

He's still the hottest ticket in town.

It is true that the good die young.

Fifty years is not enough time.

And, um, the thing that I can say about bernie

is this that, um...

The hardest thing for a black man to do

is to be an individual, is to stand on your own

and to say what you mean,

and to not be influenced by anybody,

to make your own mind up and your own way.

And bernie mac was a man, believe me when I tell you.

He stood on his own. He said what he believed.

He used to always say, "i don't care if you like me.

I like me."

Bernie ran what we call a anchor leg.

He was our closer.

You know, in a relay you give the stick to the next dude

and you give the baton to the next dude,

and you save the fastest cat for last,

just in case you get behind.

Every night, we handed that mic to b man

because no matter how funny the three of us was,

bernie has something else for 'em.

Man...

Nobody wanted to follow bernie mac.

I'm not a fan of funerals,

so at the end of bernie mac's ride, that's it.

That's all. It's all over.

Ye-e-e-ah!

Here I am, motherfuckers! Here I am!

Ye-e-e-ah!

You don't do your material around a lot of comedians.

That's like stealing in front of the police.

You don't do it.

They mean well, but they sit on the side,

"ooh, that's funny,"

next thing you know, you see it on hbo or something.

You'd be sitting at home. "that shit's mine."

But ain't anybody gonna believe. First come, first served.

You know, so when you do new stuff, you never--

I'm telling you, for you comics coming up,

never bring your stuff out

in front of a house full of comedians.

You'll never work a lot.

Especially established comedians like myself?

You'll never work a lot.

You make sure you keep that.

I want that question to be asked on the couch.

"they be stealing your shit for real?"

yep, yep.