Original subtitles

¶ You tell me that the world is sinking ¶

¶ If you let it die tonight ¶

¶ Compared to this my brain stops my heart ¶

¶ And so this dagger's mine ¶

¶ Sometimes I wonder what escapes more ¶

¶ And that's that heightened shout ¶

¶ Don't tell me what I know is true ¶

¶ Cause I never want to see her face again ¶

¶ I never want to feel this so much more ¶

¶ I never want to feel like mine again ¶

¶ I don't care ¶

¶ If I don't even know at all ¶

¶ No heights, fear of falling ¶

¶ Distraction's just so hard to find ¶

¶ Wearing masks that heighten show ¶

¶ Don't tell me what I know is true ¶

- C'mon, lets go!

¶ Because I never want to see her face again ¶

¶ I never want to feel this so much more ¶

¶ 'Cause I never want to see her face again ¶

¶ I don't care ¶

¶ Oh help me gain my freedom ¶

- As I was saying, Father,

this is what we can sell with our

new development in Australia.

Sun, beaches, lifeguards, pretty girls.

Mullet Beach has everything that we need.

I really think we should move on this, Father.

- Do you know what this is, Son?

- Mud.

- Right, do you know what

you can make with it?

- A mess?

- Bricks, mud bricks.

- Bricks?

- One day, we could build a whole resort

out of mud, organic natural materials,

like an extension of the earth.

- Yes, sure.

Now Australia and Mullet Beach,

I really think that we--

- I think you'd better leave, Bobby.

Mike looks a little bit tired.

I'll look after him.

- Yes, sure, okay.

I'll get back to you later on this, Father,

when you're done playing

with your mud.

- Time for a little drinky.

Feeling any younger?

- All the time.

- I know a lot of fun things that we

can do in the mud.

¶ Oh say does that star-spangled ¶

¶ Banner yet wave ¶

¶ For the land of the free ¶

¶ And the home of the brave ¶

- Bobby.

Have you seen your father?

- Yes, he seems a little preoccupied.

- I know.

There's no way we can let him address this crowd.

God knows what he'd say,

you'll have to do it.

And by the way, have you told your father

you're going to Australia?

- No, not yet.

- I'll take care of your father.

Mr. McCain,

let's sit down,

you look tired.

- Whatever you say.

- I hope you're keeping up Mr. McCain's medication.

- Religiously, Richard, religiously.

- Ever think of the sun, Richard?

- You mean Bobby, Mr. McCain?

- No, not my son,

the sun, up there.

You ever think about it?

- Uh, no, can't say I do.

- A lot of energy up there, Richard.

All the energy we'll ever need.

- Excuse me, please.

If there's any shit off those greenies,

you know what to do.

Welcome, distinguished guests,

ladies and gentlemen, to the opening of

McCain World Resort here in Los Angeles.

Now as you can see, the award-winning

McCain architects are in tune with

today's requirements.

McCain architects have blended the

oblique lines of this resort into

the surrounding habitat.

- Yeah, who'd you bribe?

- I would now like you all to

join me and put your hands together

for the son of the developer of this

magnificent complex, Mr. Bobby McCain.

- Go back home.

- I'd like to welcome you all, ladies and gentlemen,

on behalf of my father to the latest

McCain's World resort.

We at McCain's believe that developments like

this one are an asset to the community.

- Yeah, and wreck them.

- There are those who disagree with

what we do,

- Hey, back off, buddy.

- But we feel that it is our duty

to realize the world's potential beauty spots.

That's why we're about to break ground

on two new resorts, one at North Beach, Hawaii,

and the other one in Australia.

So I'd like you all to take out your checkbooks,

and let's invest in the future.

To you all, I would like to say

aloha, and good day, thank you.

- Your speech was good,

I didn't think you had it in you.

- There's of me that

you don't know about.

- Like being an exchange lifeguard, for instance?

- I can pull it off,

have you arranged everything, the trials?

- It's done, Bobby, you'll win.

- Good.

- You will be the exchange lifeguard

on that plane to Australia,

even if you can't swim a stroke.

- I can swim.

- I heard.

- Excuse me, I'm going to

go check on my father.

- Stop annoying him, we need him.

- For now.

That little jerk bugs me.

You taking care of the old man?

- Don't you worry about big Mike McCain.

- Energy!

- Little Donna has got him

right where she wants him.

- He keeps acting this crazy,

we'll get control of the company before

those pills of yours finish him off.

- Father,

- Bobby, take a look at this.

If we incorporated a few wind generators

on the Australian site, we could save up to--

- That's what I want to talk to you about.

- Good, wind could be the whole key.

- No, not wind, Australia.

- Australia, great place,

can't wait to get back there.

- I think I should go instead of you.

I can lock up the Mullet Beach deal while

you stay here and play with your mud and

your wind, or work with them, and stuff.

I know how much you like Australia,

- Good idea.

- But I really feel that I can, what?

- Good idea, you go to Australia,

it's just what you need, a trip down under

will do you good.

- It's not a vacation.

- I realize you'll be working,

but Australia's a funny place.

It changes people, and I figure,

you need a change.

- What, there's nothing wrong with me.

- I know that,

I love those people, love 'em so much,

I married one.

- Not that we ever hear from her.

- Hey kid, don't go blaming your mother,

it was my fault that we broke up.

I figure if I had stayed in Australia,

your mother and I might still be together.

But, that's the way the wind blows.

- Good day,

Australia, Flight 115 now ready for boarding,

- Time for your candy, Mike.

- Oh, thank you.

You know, I think Bobby going is a great idea,

but I don't like this pretend lifeguard business.

If the people at Mullet Beach figure out

they're being had?

- Don't worry, they're just a

bunch of dumb hicks.

- I don't think so.

- Mike, it is a legitimate business tactic.

You used to do the same thing yourself.

Remember the time on our riviera deal?

You pretended to be a movie star.

- I don't do that anymore,

that was a long time ago.

- Now your contacts are Al and Clint Eastman.

- Contacts, Al and Clint Eastman.

- From Red Beach.

- From Red Beach.

- Now, the Mullet Beach Surf Club

don't know your real name, to them you're

Bobby Carter, okay?

- Don't know my real name, I am Bobby Carter.

Bobby Carter.

- They don't know who you are,

so try and keep it that way,

and if you have any problems, call me,

and do try and call your mother,

I know she'd love to hear from you.

- And did you pack my teddy bear to protect me?

- No, I packed these.

- Rubbers?

- Yes, if you're going to lay anything,

lay rubber first.

- I want the community to work with us.

- They will, they will,

leave it to me.

Leave it to Bobby.

- Goodbye.

- Good luck.

- Thank you very much.

Keep an eye on the old man, will you?

- Oh, we will, we will.

- Here's a little Aussie good luck charm.

- Oh, thanks.

- Oh, and me and the little lady

want you to have this.

For protection, here,

here's another one.

- Thanks.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,

goodbye Helen, thank you very much.

Goodbye father.

- Bye bye, Bobby.

- Bye, Bobby.

- All right boys, and the final

check this afternoon for the beach race,

the exchange lifeguard field race final,

kindly sponsored by our

Prince Slop of Slappers Cancer Council,

the competitors are competing for these trophies.

They have been donated by our friends

at the Red Beach council.

- I don't get it, Clint.

Why am I dressing up as a shark?

- So that all the victims in the

beltways will think that you're a real shark,

and they'll swim in.

- Why?

- So that they'll get disqualified.

Well, except the chap from Mullet Beach,

he wouldn't know a shark if he met one.

- What?

- And of course, the winners of this will

spend three months at Malibu as an

exchange lifeguard at Malibu,

and let's hear it now for our finalists

here this afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

- Look, Tim, Tim,

just act like a shark.

That way, Mullet Beach will win,

even though they're the worst team.

- Oh, we want Mullet Beach to win?

- That's right.

- Uh, why?

- Tim, Tim.

Just act like a shark,

that's all you have to do.

I've got to be in the race, remember?

Just act like a shark.

- And of course, the Red Beach team

with my nephew Clint Eastman,

being the champion of last year's challenge,

where are you, Clint?

Hey, it doesn't matter, he'll be here

for the start.

And of course, we have Rusty Mullet

from Milton Beach.

Rusty Milton from Mullet, I beg your pardon.

I beg your pardon, slip of the tongue there.

Let's have a round of applause for them.

All right, that's more like.

I'd like you to take now to the beautiful

pride of the owner there,

the Mullet Beach Surf Club club

and here are some of the competitors,

Hammerhead Hogan from the Gulf Coast,

and Butch Parson from Lyle Beach,

who will be up there to relieve him,

go boys!

- C'mon Kylie, go!

- And the Red Beach team way, way, way out in front,

by five or six meters.

- Shark!

It's a shark, everybody!

Swim, there's a shark!

- What's this, the victims are coming in,

that's got to be a disqualification,

the victims are coming in, there's gotta be.

- Shark!

- Shark!

- What's that?

That's a shark, look!

- The only ones that can win the race!

- Okay, ladies and gentleman,

put your hands together for our own

Mullet Beach champ, Mr. Rusty Milton!

- Congratulations, Mick.

Who would have thought old Rusty

had it in him, eh?

- Strange world, isn't it?

- But it's not gonna make any difference,

you and your club are past chance.

Rusty might have dragged the group to

the states, but you're still a very distant last

in the championships.

In fact, one more result like that,

and you're out of the

Certified Surfing Association for good.

That would be a pity.

- Is this you or your uncle speaking, Clint?

- You're wasting your time, Mick.

- You had your chance.

Watch your back.

- Watch my back, will you?

- Mullet Beach?

- Mullet?

- Mullet Beach, yeah.

- Mullet, yeah, sure, sure.

- Do you know where it is?

- Yeah, yeah.

First time in Australia, mate?

- Yeah, why?

- Fine, no, no worries,

no worries, Mullet Beach, here we come.

Please, hop in.

- I think we're here.

Yeah.

- Oh, right.

- I told you mate, it's off the coast, eh?

- How much do I owe you?

- On the meter.

- Six hundred and twenty-three bucks?

- All right, we'll make it an even 850, eh?

- Excuse me?

Oh, bridge toll.

Besides, I thought you guys were

supposed to be big tippers?

- Oh, you sure 850's enough?

- Eh?

- Look, I'll tell you what,

how about this?

I'm a bit of a gambling man.

- Oh, yeah?

- Look, one of yours, okay?

What do you say we flip this coin,

and we go for double or nothing?

Tails, I don't pay anything,

and heads, I'll pay you 17 hundred dollars.

Come on, American.

- American? - Yeah.

- You're on.

- All right, that's my kind of guy.

Ready?

- Yeah.

- Ooh, ouch, looks like tails, it's me.

I'm sorry, man.

But thanks for the ride, I really appreciate it.

It's a nice country you got here.

Have a nice trip back.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Memo: my father reckons they're the

greatest people in the world,

so far I've found Australians to be

nothing but a bunch of cheap incompetent hustlers.

Good day.

- What can I do for you, mate?

- I'm Bobby Carter,

the exchange lifeguard?

Looks like you were expecting me.

- Mick, sorry you missed the party.

Follow me.

- Watch it.

- Mullets, Max,

this is Bobby.

Tishi.

- Tishi. - Bobby.

- Kylie.

- Hi.

- Terry over there on the camera.

- Terry.

- How are you, mate?

- Good, good.

Where's the tower?

- What's that?

- You know, the thing the lifeguards sit on,

I mean the lifeguard station.

- We don't need them.

When the sharks attack, we can tell where they are

just by the screams.

See, look over there.

Couple of white pointers.

- Keep it clean, Mick.

You're giving Bobby the wrong impression.

- Beautiful beach you've got here.

- Wait till you see your room.

- Oh, no thanks.

I'll stay at a hotel.

- Nah, that'll cost you money.

I've never known a life saver to have any money,

especially an American one.

- Oh, right, right, yeah.

- This is much better than a hotel.

You don't get accommodations like this every day.

The world famous Mullet Cave.

So what do you reckon?

Listen, mate.

I'm going out later on, you wanna come?

- Uh, no, thanks.

I think I'll just stay here

and try and get some sleep.

You know, cab lag and all of that?

- Sure, sure, no problem.

- I feel like I'm in a '60s time warp,

this place is a dump.

Our reports about the Mullet Beach Lifesaving Club

were accurate.

How these bunch of nerds ever survived at all

is beyond me.

McCain's bulldozing this clubhouse

will be a community service.

As far as Mullet Beach goes,

well, this place is a paradise.

The company is gonna make a killing.

- Who you talking to, Bobby?

- Quick, tell him to put

his clothes on.

- Where is she, mate?

- Who?

- Come on, bring her out.

- Oh, I was just talking to myself.

- You bastard, you've cleaned the cave.

This place was a bloody tradition.

Told you the Yank was gay.

- No, it's okay, the place needed a good tug.

You can do my car later.

- You find any money laying around?

- No, but I did find enough bikini bottoms

to start a boutique.

- Here we go, I think this was a trophy of yours,

isn't it, Max?

Tough bit of training, you ready?

- Yeah, sure.

- Boat training.

- Great, with or without trunks?

- Trunks?

Oh yeah, good one.

- Hey, hey, pal!

Hey, that's the second time

you tried to run me off the road.

- Love the swimmers.

You must be the Yank.

- Yeah, Bobby Carter.

- McCarter?

- No, Carter.

Just Carter.

- Yeah, well you should

watch where you're walking, Bobby Carter, right?

- Don't worry mate,

guys always forget their names when

they're talking to Charlene.

- Look.

- Where's the Yank?

Anyone seen the Yank?

- Doesn't look like much a of a lifeguard.

- Tell me about it.

- What's the story?

- Mate, it was just a bit of routine

boat training, you know how it is.

- Routine Mullet Beach boat capsize,

no story there.

- Yeah, except for there was a shark.

- Shark?

What sort of a shark?

- Oh mate, it's hard to tell, you know.

Close up, it could have been a hammerhead.

- Did you see the shark?

- It was a great white.

- And how would you know that?

- Well, I'm an LA lifeguard.

- Oh really, how big was it?

- Oh, four feet. - Eight meters.

See,

it's hard to tell, you know.

But I sort of just hit him, you know?

Whacked him on the nose a couple of times.

- Yeah, he hit him,

and there was two of them, they came.

- Yeah, a couple of them there, yeah.

- You came at them, and you,

- Sure, a couple almost.

- Punched him in the, it was amazing.

- I'd say hairy snappers, you want a peek?

Hairy snappers.

- Sharp teeth, yeah, pointy sharp teeth.

- All right.

¶ Let's make a move ¶

¶ Let's get started ¶

¶ Don't leave me cold, broken-hearted ¶

¶ Let's make a move ¶

¶ Let's get started, ¶

¶ Don't leave me cold and broken-hearted ¶

¶ Let's make a move ¶

¶ Let's get started on us tonight ¶

¶ Hey baby ¶

- Hi, would you like to dance?

- No thanks.

¶ Don't walk away ¶

- You from around here?

- No, I'm from another planet.

- My name's Bobby Carter

and I'm from America.

- Same difference.

- You don't like Americans?

- Jeez, you're quick of the mind.

- So why don't you like us?

- American, just like that McCain bastard.

- McCain, who's McCain?

- One of your mob.

He's bought up half the land around here,

so can bung up some ugly resort

for rich folks and kick all of us out.

- Can't stop progress.

Who knows, maybe this McCain's got the right idea.

- Don't you just love telling us what's right?

¶ Sometimes I get so lonely ¶

¶ Thinking about you ¶

¶ Sometimes it hurt so bad ¶

¶ What can I do ¶

¶ I wanna love you till my heart stops ¶

¶ Till the suns stops shining down ¶

¶ Until the stars fall right out of the sky ¶

- How about it, babe?

- With you?

Are you serious?

Ever tried to sit on a skeg and twist?

- With you, you bitch.

You'd love it with a twist.

- I like a man who likes it rough.

You wanna play rough?

- Any time, baby, just let's go.

¶ Let's make a move ¶

¶ Let's get started ¶

- Well done, Charlene.

¶ Let's make a move, let's get started ¶

- That girlfriend of Mick sure

does know how to take care of herself.

- Charlene?

I taught her everything she knows.

¶ Let's make a move ¶

- Come on, let's dance.

¶ Let's get started on us tonight ¶

¶ Let's make a move ¶

¶ Let's get started on us tonight ¶

- Ladies and gentlemen,

let's hear it for the legendary Bag on Beauties

And now, and now it's official welcoming time

for our newest and best friend,

and here to welcome is the one and only,

the beautiful Karen Weist.

- Okay, it gives me the greatest

pleasure of pleasures to introduce to

all of us here and to welcome to our very own

Mullet Beach, our visiting exchange lifeguard,

direct from USA, and maybe Hollywood,

Mr. Bobby Carter.

- What can I say, welcome to Australia.

- Thanks.

Did you have a party like this last Sunday, too?

- Yeah, a bit wilder.

Hey, you wanna swap?

- Yeah, okay.

- Karen, this is Bobby,

Bobby, Karen.

- Hi Bobby, I'm Karen.

I do TV, the Big Wheel,

have you seen it?

You're the first American I've ever met,

have you been to Hollywood,

do you know Steven Spielberg's phone number?

- 'Scuse me buddy, you've got my girl.

- Oh, sorry.

- Thanks, Karen.

- Julie, excuse me, Julie?

I think we started off on the wrong foot,

and I just wanted to let you know that

I'm not here to teach anybody anything,

I'm here to learn, really.

Listen, can I get you a cup of coffee?

You're not gonna believe what you see.

Are you ready?

Oh, I think I'm out of coffee.

Let's take a walk on the beach.

- Got him a beauty.

- It looks like the club's going to

have to close at the end of summer.

- Why?

- It's Red Beach, they wanna combine

the two clubs, sort of like a surfing

corporate takeover.

They'll get our funds and better members.

- How are you involved?

- I own the club.

- You do?

- My parents bought it

when they retired.

It was just a beach house.

They've gone now, and I lease it

to the surf club.

- The club house is right on the beach.

The land must be worth a fortune.

- Yeah, I supposed so.

Al Eastman's always making me

offers I can't refuse.

- But you do.

- Sure, the guy's a creep.

Besides, I reckon he's in it

with this McCain bastard.

- Maybe McCain is not so bad.

Maybe it's--

- Bullshit.

Bullshit, the guy comes here, tries to take our land--

- All right, all right, all right, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, you're right.

I just don't want this place to change.

- But you could make

an absolute fortune.

- You don't get it, do you?

I don't care about the money.

I care about this.

I'm sorry, what do you care about?

Family?

Tell me about you.

- Well, my dad's a bit sick back

in LA, and my mom, she lives here in Brisbane.

She and my dad married when

she was really young, and they were separated

when I was really young.

And I don't remember much about her.

- Are you gonna try and get in touch?

- I don't know, I haven't seen her

in about 18 years.

- So you're half an Aussie.

- Yeah, I suppose I am.

- I suppose that is why you're half okay.

- You think I'm okay?

- Yeah, but don't wet yourself.

- Julie Thomas.

One hard-headed lady.

Arrogant, self-righteous,

hates Americans.

I think I'm in love.

- You sure can run.

- Thanks, you're not so bad yourself.

- Now listen, Bobby,

one thing.

- What?

- If you really want to look like a lifesaver?

- Yeah?

- We gotta get you a new pair of those, mate.

- What's wrong with these?

What, these, come on.

- Look at this, Mr. Surf Hero.

- Oh, hey, you're a good-looking fellow.

- Morning, Bobby.

- Good morning, Kylie.

It's not what it seems.

- Good day, Bobby.

- Morning, Tishi.

It's definitely not what it seems,

I slept on the couch.

- Sure.

- What is it, boy?

- You!

- Get him, now!

- Get that bastard off me!

Get him off.

Get the bastard off me.

Hey, just a joke.

I'm sorry, okay?

- How's the bike?

- I can flush the tank, but if I'd started it...

- Just call the bastard away.

- Killer, you know what to do.

- Have a nice day, Asswipe.

- Yuck, Captain Marvel'd be embarrassed

to wear these.

Mullet Beach green.

- Try 'em on.

- Oh, look a bit tight for the wedding tackle, hm?

- You're in the hands

of a professional, now.

- That should do it.

You going to the demonstration against McCain

this afternoon?

- That bastard.

I'd forgotten all about it,

thanks for reminding me.

- Good, we'll see you there.

Come too, if you like.

We'll need all the help we can get.

- Thanks.

This coastline is just sensational.

- Don't worry, we won't let McCain bastards

take it off us.

- You'd have to be crazy.

- Yeah.

- Well, well, well, look who's

come to check out the meeting.

Jeez, Clint, you ought to take a bath, mate.

You smell like dog piss.

- Are here now to say a few words.

- Want you to woof him,

I told you to woof him in the car,

just woof him.

- Developers are paying big bucks

to our own council to get these

building applications through.

Now, are we just gonna sit back, and let these

foreign consortiums ruin our

- Sarah.

- Public parks and beaches?

Well, are we?

- No, no way.

- I don't think we'll have any trouble

with this bunch of boofheads.

Which one's the Yank?

- That's him.

- Oh.

- So what are we going to do about it?

- Al Eastman, nice to meet you.

- You better count your fingers, mate.

- I'll see you in the title, Dooley,

say hello to your mother for me.

What's going on, McCain?

Gray said you'd be in touch.

- I've been busy.

- Well I can't talk to you here,

my office in the boat shed across the road,

but I wanna talk to you, now.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Carter.

Very nice.

- So what about our American friend,

Mr. Bobby Carter, exchange lifeguard.

Yeah, I'm talking to you, mate.

What would you do about it?

- Uh, we have the same problems at home,

I don't know what to say.

- Oh, thanks mate,

that was a big help.

- All right, well,

get off your butts, organize.

- So where do you stand, for or against?

- It's not my town,

if you wanna keep it, you do it.

- I thought we were working on this deal together.

What's the idea of going down there

and stirring up all this trouble?

- I had to say something.

- Well, they're a bunch of boofheads anyway.

Is that girl gonna sell the clubhouse yet?

- I've tried everything, and she's staying put.

She's not interested in the money.

- Stupid bitch.

- Hey watch it, pal.

- We struck a nerve.

We sampling a few of the local delicacies,

are we?

She's a very attractive girl.

- She's not gonna sell, and that's it.

I'm reporting to Gray that I

think we should consider canceling the whole thing.

- Now you wait a minute, Bobby.

I've sunk a lot of money into this.

You've been down here for five minutes,

and already you're making negative decisions.

Now you give this girl time and she'll sell, right?

- Negative?

And my friends call me Bobby.

You two better call me Mr. McCain.

- We two better call you Mr. Carter, right?

Otherwise Julie will be disappointed in you,

won't she?

- She's not gonna sell.

- You lot are bloody hopeless.

There's zone championships are starting in a week.

We might as well pack it in now.

- So what's new, we always lose anyway.

- Yeah.

- Well, why do we bother?

- Because we must.

- That's right, if you don't,

you'll lose the club.

I mean, that's what you said, right?

- Yeah.

- You lose everything?

- That's if those developers don't

get it first.

- Well, I have a confession to make.

- Jason!

Jason!

- There's a kid caught in the rip, come on.

- All right, Terry, Tishi, get the reel.

Julie, look after the mother.

- It'll be all right.

- Down.

- You've got the bell?

That's all right, I'll take it.

- Pull him over.

- Cough it up.

Come on, you're okay.

- Yeah, he's gonna be all right.

- Good boy.

- Fellas.

What's this, mate?

Christmas shopping list?

- I saw you out there yesterday,

I know you can do it.

- When it's important.

- If you wanna save this club,

it's important now.

- So what's this?

- It's a training program.

- Fifty pushups?

- And that's just to start.

Look, I'll never be as good a lifeguard

as you guys.

But the one thing I can do is, I can organize.

I can organize people into getting things done.

Now, do you wanna keep this place?

Do you?

- Yeah.

We just don't go for all the parades and shit.

- Well you're gonna have to,

if you want to survive.

That's why I made this program.

I just believe that if we all work together,

that we'll give those titles a run

for their money.

- Hey man, there's a five kilometer beach run.

- Yeah.

- What's in it for you, Carter?

- Let's just say that I owe you one.

- All righty, let's give it a burl.

- Now I have some good news, I have some good news.

Charlene has offered to help us.

- Yo, Charlene.

- Can somebody explain to me why this

good news sounds like bad news?

- Go!

Go!

Oh come on, you're just racing.

Pull!

Row!

Okay, row.

Four, three, two, that's it!

Four, three, two, switch legs.

Come on, don't quit, four, three, two,

pick it up!

Come on, pick it up!

Make the boat slide.

Put your back into it.

Move it, what are you two,

men or mice?

- Meece, girl meeces.

Cute, now 10 more.

Now for the big test, number one group,

here, through water.

Through, through!

Remember the timing.

- Well?

- I don't believe it.

A week ago I thought we didn't have a chance,

but I was wrong about you, Bobby.

- Thanks.

Well, we've only got one problem now.

- What?

- Me, I'm nowhere near as good as you guys.

- You're just as good as Rusty was, better.

- Thanks.

- Okay, Mullets, that's getting better.

Through, through.

Come on, through.

- Julie, there's something I have to tell you.

- That's it, okay you two,

swim training begins now,

two laps fro the skinnies to the cliffs.

Go.

Go.

- I don't think so, Donna.

- Aw, come on, baby,

it's good for you.

- No, thank you.

- Honey, honey, the doctor said you should.

- I hate quack doctors.

- Honey, what are you doing?

- Packing.

- Oh, where are we going?

- We're not going anywhere, I'm going.

- You?

Where?

- Australia.

- I've never seen him act like this before.

- Well, maybe we can use it to our advantage.

- How?

- I'll call a general meeting.

We'll say he's flipped out,

gone bananas.

- So?

- You get a letter from the doctor

who gave you the pills.

- That's it.

Big Mike McCain has finally lost his marbles.

His son's off, womanizing in Australia.

So it's up to his senior vice president,

- Richard Gray.

And Mrs. McCain.

- Oh, and Mrs. McCain.

To take over the running of the company,

the board will buy it.

- What about Mullet Beach?

- I'll tell Eastman to turn up the heat,

whether Bobby likes it or not.

Donna?

- Oh, Richard.

- I think we've done it.

- Richard, I think this calls for a celebration.

- Oh, I'll second that.

You know, I've got this feeling

this is gonna be a highly productive merger.

- Oh, Richard, Richard.

- So, that's about the size of it.

Our founder and managing director is

sadly unable to function competently in his position.

- Therefore, with the blessing of

Mr. McCain's wife,

and power of attorney, it is my melancholy duty

to assume control of McCain World Resorts.

Now, Mrs. McCain and I feel it would be the best

thing, the only thing,

to carry out Big Mike's plans as if he

were still here with us.

Now you've all seen the computer projection.

Oh, that coastline is some of the prettiest

on earth, and the easiest to develop.

Flat land, not much forestation,

and it's a steal, as long as we make the decision today.

Those hillbilly Aussies won't know it

until it's too late!

Carried unanimously, good.

Big Mike would be proud of you.

- One thing worries me.

- And what's that, Bob?

- Our people in Australia, that soft cock

Eastman and his son, can they handle this?

- Probably not, but don't you worry about it.

We have somebody down there as well,

and he is keeping an eye on Bobby McCain,

and Mullet Beach.

- Does Bobby know?

- No, Bob, our man is in disguise.

- Left right, left right, left, right,

left, left foot, left foot!

- Right wheel.

- Left, left foot, left foot.

- Killer, you want some?

- Left foot, left foot, left foot, left, left!

Left foot.

- And step two three, halt.

Mullet Beach crew, you have two more days

until the zone championships.

As a team, you're beginning to work together.

The improvement is beyond expectation.

However, let's not rest on our laurels.

Training for the afternoon will be

what the hell, have the day off, you've earned it.

- Oh!

Thank God.

- Come on, Killer,

hurry up, or we'll miss the party.

What is it, mate?

Petrol.

- Here you go, guys, marshmallows.

- Oh yeah, did you remember the forks?

- Oh, get out of here,

use a dirty stick like everyone else.

Hey mate, not the thongs, jeez.

- Instead of prawns, it's a little piece.

- That's not a joke, buddy.

Yeah, go and laugh.

- I've got to hand to to you, mate.

You surprise me, you're really fitting in.

- Well, thank you very much.

You're a great bunch of guys.

- Yeah, 'cause people around here

can be a bit funny when it comes to foreigners

- Oh, you've had some problems?

- No, I said foreigners.

- Excuse me everybody, it's only

two days until the championships.

Mick would like to say something.

- Even though there's still two days to go,

I reckon for the first time,

we're in with a chance.

Even though I wanna kill you two slave drivers,

I would like to propose a toast to Bobby,

and to Charlene.

- Yeah, Charlene.

- You bastard!

You two-faced lying bastard!

- Terry you idiot, what's this dickhead doing here?

- I caught him trying to torch the club.

- What?

- Don't worry, Killer and I

convinced him it wasn't such a good idea.

- Well what's that got to do with Bobby?

- Plenty, he's in it with them.

You wanna tell them, Carter?

Or should I say Mr. McCain!

- Hey, hey, hey, Terry, you drunk or what?

- Ask him!

- He's in it, all right,

he's the bloody big boss's kid.

- Shut up, pencil neck.

Bobby?

- Well?

- My name's Bobby McCain.

- What?

- I tried to tell you, I really did,

I tried to tell you a couple of times.

- I found this in his stuff.

Have a listen.

- So far, I find Australians

to be nothing but a bunch of cheap incompetent hustlers.

How these bunch of nerds ever survived

at all is beyond me.

McCain's bulldozing this clubhouse will be

a community service.

- There's more.

- Julie Thomas,

one hard-headed lady.

Arrogant, self-righteous.

Hates Americans.

- We trusted you.

- Go on, thump the prick.

- Shut up.

- Mick.

- You're friggin' a spy.

- I tried to stop that development,

you gotta believe me.

- A Yankee land developer spy!

- Terry!

Hey, hey, hey!

Terry, Terry, Terry!

Watch it, mate, watch it.

- Give it a break!

Terry, give it a break!

- Let go of me!

- Oh, shit.

- So the whole thing was a setup.

- Yeah.

- Well, at least that explains how

Rusty won the trip to Malibu.

- Yeah, never could figure that.

- Listen, I don't want that development to happen,

you gotta believe me.

- I believe you?

- All those things I said

on the tape recorder when I first got here.

- Sure.

- I tried talking to Eastman--

- Listen, Bobby, will you just shut up?

You know,

you won't be able to stay here

at the club anymore.

Hey, Mrs. B.

This is Bobby McCain,

the fellow I called you about.

- McCain, McCain, another one.

Bloody McCains all over the shop.

- What is she talking about?

- Don't worry mate, she's stark raving bonkers.

Aren't you, Mrs. B?

- No guests after eight PM,

no animals, breakfast is served at seven sharp.

- Did you get my dog dry cleaned?

- Yup.

She's also deaf as a post.

- I heard that, I heard that.

What did he say?

- He's just a son of a bitch with no friends.

She'll look after you.

- Thanks.

- Got McCains coming out of the bloody walls.

- Excuse me?

It's 11:35, you must know.

- Thank you, does that phone work?

- Yeah.

It'll be 20 dollars in advance.

- For the phone?

- Yeah, room 2D, down the hall.

- Oh, okay, for the room.

Here.

- Bloody McCains.

- Thank you!

Operator, yes.

I'd like to place a collect call

to the United States to Mr. Mike McCain

from Bobby, area code 310,

three, four, one, four, five, three, four.

- Hi.

- Father.

- Eastman's got no right, I never gave

the go-ahead!

- Well somebody did!

- Richard Gray.

Well, it doesn't matter.

I'm here now, we'll do things right.

- Listen, McCain is a dirty word at Mullet Beach.

Believe me, they don't want a high rise.

- I don't blame them, I wouldn't want one either.

- So what are you doing here?

- I've been designing the right kind of

resort for Mullet Beach.

Here, take a look at this.

Take a look at it.

Low rise, okay, no more than two stories.

Mud brick, solar and wind power

set back from the beach, they won't even

know it's there.

- This is good, this is really good.

And I thought you were,

- Nuts?

- Well.

- That's okay, I was acting a

little loopy there for a while,

I think it was those stupid pills.

Been feeling a lot better, though,

since I left LA.

- It must be Australia.

- It must be.

- I'll tell you something, kid.

There's a lot of hungry sharks out there.

- Where, at the beach?

- No, driving taxi cabs.

- You gonna see Mom?

- I don't think so.

It's been a long time, Bobby.

I'm sure she's married some Aussie cattle man,

or newspaper owner, or something.

- Dad?

- Why don't you go and find her,

my hands are tied up, right here.

- They're not gonna buy it.

- Leave it to me.

Hey, I hear you found yourself an angel.

- Found and lost.

Julie, wait, please.

- Oh, let's not do this, Bobby.

I don't wanna talk, okay?

- Please, from the first time

that I saw you, Julie.

- What, you knew I was a sucker?

- No.

Look, I know you're angry with me,

and I know I deserve it.

But at least give me the chance to explain.

- No, I won't.

Don't you remember?

I'm arrogant, hard-headed, and self-righteous,

get out of my life.

- Will you shut up!

- Shut up, everybody!

- Thank you.

Now there's a bloke here that's got

something to say to us.

He reckons he's got something interesting

to say about the McCains' development,

so here he is, what was your name, mate?

- Mike McCain.

- What's he doing here?

- Well the last time I was in Australia,

I was told that you always gave a guy

a, how do you put it?

A fair go?

Yeah, a fair go, that's all I ask for.

Is a fair go.

- All right, shut up everybody,

and give the bloke a go.

- Look, I don't blame you for not

wanting a high rise building slapped in

the middle of your best beach.

I think that's a dumb idea,

I don't want that.

What I want for us is this.

- Hey, we don't need any resort, mate.

- This is not a resort, this is a

community-owned project.

Look, I don't mean to get personal,

but do you have a job?

- No.

No.

- Does anybody else here not have a job?

Come on people, I did the research myself.

Twenty-eight percent unemployment on this coastline.

What you need is an environmentally-friendly

eco-center, powered by natural resources.

Look, look, look.

We can't for you, if you don't want it,

we won't do it.

But give it a chance, look for for yourself.

You decide.

- Well?

- Your husband is at Mullet Beach!

- And?

- Eastman says he's stirring up trouble.

He's talking about a cooperative venture.

- A what?

- Big Mike has told the people of

Mullet Beach that he'll give them back

all their land, if they go into partnership

with McCain's.

- You're kidding.

- He wants to build some kind of resort commune.

- Didn't anyone tell him, communism is dead?

- Well don't you worry about it, baby.

Because he can't do it.

Big Mike doesn't know it yet,

but he does not run McCain's anymore.

- Richard?

It's time you and I did something to

finish this, once and for all.

- Mr. Eastman, I've heard a lot about you.

- And me about you.

- And this must be your nephew, Clint Eastwood.

- It's Eastman.

- Of course.

My kid's just about the same age as you.

- Yeah, we've met.

- That was very unusual speech

you gave this morning, Mr. McCain.

- You heard it, good.

Then you can appreciate the purpose

of my visit.

I want the deeds to all the Mullet Beach properties

you purchased on behalf of McCain's.

We're giving them back.

- No can do.

- What's the problem, they're in the bank?

- No, they're right here in the safe.

But my boss told me to leave them

where they are.

- Al, I'm your boss.

- I'm afraid not, you were relieved

of command yesterday.

Richard Gray is now the general manager

of McCain's.

They reckon you're a few shrimp short

of the full barbie.

- So you won't give me the deeds, then?

- Clint and I are the only ones

who know the combination, Mr. McCain.

And I'm afraid they're no longer your property.

So if you don't mind, we have work to do.

- Good day, gentlemen.

- Mick, have you seen Bobby anywhere?

- Have you tried skinnies?

- Mick, I've been up and down the coast,

we've got to find him.

- Mrs. B's?

- I've been there, Mick.

His bags are gone.

- Look, he figures everybody hate him,

he's probably going back to the States.

- Mick, please, I wanna see him again.

- All right, there is one place

he could be.

Where are you off to?

Trying to skip out on the team

before the titles, huh?

- Bobby, I don't want you to go back

to the States.

- We need you, mate.

Let me put it this way,

either you come with us now,

or I'll let Killer here rearrange your features.

- Unless we can get a hold of those deeds,

McCain's will force Julie here to sell up

and push ahead with the old development.

- But it's your company, why don't you stop them?

- I've been squeezed out, son.

They say I'm not sane.

- Gray?

- Yeah, and my good wife is in there

somewhere, as well.

- So what do we do?

- Stall them, I'll get the company back.

If we can just get our hand on those deeds.

- Bobcat to Mullet Beach, we've got ourselves

a right dickhead.

- Take the car, it's not mine,

it's my uncle's.

- We don't want the car.

- You, I'll get you for this, you prick.

- And me too, I hope.

- Oh, Christ, the daily double,

piss off, Yank.

- Did you say Yank?

- You bastards, you'll pay for this.

- He's right, you know,

he can identify us.

- You bet I can, you're gonna

rot in jail.

- Oh, jail, I don't wanna rot in jail,

do you?

- Certainly not.

- I guess we'll have to do him in after all.

- What?

You mean?

- Unless, unless he tells us

what we wanna know.

- What are you talking about?

- The safe in your uncle's office.

- All we want are the numbers to open it.

- Oh, man.

- If that's the way you wanna play it, Kylie.

- What's this, dog food?

You gonna make me eat it?

Man, I'd eat dog shit before

I told you anything.

What are you doing?

- Oh, man.

Oh.

- Right, rub it in.

- You rub it in.

- Uh uh, don't look at me.

- Oh god, don't look,

I think he's enjoying it.

- For the last time, the combination.

- Frig you, all of you.

- It's time.

- Dinner time.

Killer.

- He still back here.

Okay, where should we hide the deeds?

- Oh, right in here.

- Is it gonna be all right in there?

- Oh yeah, sure, no worries.

- Sure.

- Taxi, taxi, Mullet Beach!

- Mullet Beach, you've gotta be kidding.

- What's he doing?

- Ah, don't worry about him,

we'll get the sea plane,

it will be quicker.

- Mr. Eastman.

- Mrs. McCain.

- Where's McCain?

- Oh, the big one's gone to ground,

and the little one's down the beach.

You see, we have these surf lifesaving titles.

- Is everything under control?

- No worries, he tried to get the

deeds off me, but I told him to,

disappear.

- Are the deeds safe?

- No worries, we're set like jellies.

- We're set like what?

- We're set like,

ah, doesn't matter, it's an expression.

- Have you purchased the clubhouse yet?

- Ah, there's the problem.

You see, the lady who owns it won't sell it.

- And what are you doing about it?

- Well like I was saying before,

we have this surf lifesaving competition,

teams from all over the country

will be here.

- I'm sure it's great, but what does

it have to do with the clubhouse?

- Mullet Beach will lose like they do every year,

and then the association will throw them out.

- So?

- So that means that there will be

no more funds, which means no more money

for the clubhouse,

no more money for Miss Julie Thomas,

she can't pay her mortgage,

she'll have to sell, no risk.

- There better not be.

- Would you like to watch Mullet Beach

go down the dunny?

- Go down the what?

- It's an expression.

¶ Now it's Christmas, everybody's having fun ¶

¶ Santa's coming round with gifts for everyone ¶

¶ And it's all because of Christmas ¶

- So what about the iron man, Terry?

- Sorry, I'm out.

- But that's your event.

- Yeah, I know, I think we can do

better than second last.

- Yeah, last.

- McCain's chance now,

you've seen his times.

- Wait, wait a minute,

I'm not taking anybody's place.

- Hey, my event, my call.

You're our best chance.

¶ Now it's Christmas, everybody's having ¶

- Well?

- Will you do it?

¶ Santa's coming now with gifts for everyone, ¶

¶ And it's all because of ¶

- Great, mate.

- Good luck.

- Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

- Welcome, to the pillow fighting championships,

and introducing the champion of all champions,

the one, the only, Griller Mark from Red Beach

the team, ,

the Griller!

And of course, his challenger from Mullet Beach,

Max Foisen.

- Come on, Max!

- You said they'd come last, you idiot!

- And they will, we still got tomorrow.

- Hey, if they do as well today,

they'll win the damn thing!

I don't like this.

I don't like this at all.

- You do realize, we're going to

get the title deeds to her property,

and that way we can piss the bitch off

out of the clubhouse, keep smiling, keep smiling.

- Fourth and tenth, they've got a punt.

- What?

- That is an expression.

- Hi.

- Who's this?

- Bobby, I've got a surprise for you.

Anne Marie, your mother.

- Bobby.

Hi, welcome home.

- I don't believe it.

- Go on, you really do--

- Thanks.

- Look wonderful, oh.

- He would have never have done it by himself.

- I'm so happy to see you.

- Eastman, I am worried about the deeds,

go get the deeds.

- No worries, Clint and I are

the only ones who know the combination

of the safe.

- Eastman.

- Clinton!

- You idiot!

- I'll kill him!

- Three cheers for Mullet Beach, guys.

- Hip hooray.

- We haven't saved the club yet.

- So, long time, Anne Marie.

- You're looking good, Mike.

- Bull, I look terrible.

If I'd stayed in LA one more week,

I'd be dead by now.

- You should have never gone back there

in the first place.

- Haven't changed, have you?

Still tell me what's good for me.

- And you're still not listening?

- You two taking up where

you left off?

- Yeah, me being a jerk again.

Sorry, Annie.

What?

- Oh, I just haven't been called Annie

in a long time.

Shouldn't you go and talk

to your wife?

- The little darling's been trying

to poison me, she and her friend.

It's over.

I hope the two of them live happily ever after.

- So did they take over the business, I mean?

- Nah, we've got them, haven't we, Son?

- Well, if you can hold on to those deeds

until you can sort things out in LA.

- Yeah, and prove that I'm not a psycho.

- That may not be so easy.

- You know, I might just go over and see

if I can find anything out.

Excuse me.

- You did a good job, Mike.

I like him.

- Chalk it up to genes.

On his mother's side.

- Hello Richard,

hi Mommy.

- Two mothers in the same bar,

pretty confusing, aye?

- Oh, not really,

only one of them is a real mother.

- What do you want, junior?

- Oh, just wanted to know

how it went with the deeds.

- We'll get them.

- Sure you will.

- Bobby, your father's no longer in

control of the company, now he can pass out

all the deeds he wants to, it doesn't mean a thing.

- Poor Mikey is gaga.

- There's nothing wrong with him,

you can see that.

- Now, maybe.

But you saw how he was acting in LA,

crazy as a loon.

- He was fine.

- He was nuts, staring at the sun,

playing in the mud, I drove him nuts.

- Donna.

- Oh, what the hell?

Who's gonna believe Bobby boy?

Big Mike McCain's son and heir?

I kept him drugged out of his brains with these.

He was crazy, all right.

- That's enough.

And no point in telling anyone,

the pills leave no trace.

No one will ever believe you, come on.

- You know, there's never been anyone else.

- No?

Three wives, several constant companions,

not to mention girlfriends.

- Are you keeping score?

- That would be a full-time occupation.

And looking at the lovely Donna,

I don't really think I could be bothered.

- Me neither.

- Aren't you supposed to be mad?

- Totally crazy.

- What's that?

- Oh my god, Kylie, are you okay?

- I've got her feet.

Easy.

You're all right.

- Some crazy guy in roller blades.

- He took the deeds.

- Gray.

- Don't worry, everything's under control.

- We've got the deeds.

We've got Big Mike.

- And I've got Big Richard.

- Welcome again, folks,

to the North Coast championships,

and what a splendid day,

and a special hi to Mrs--

- It's only a slight concussion,

she's gonna be okay, but that leaves us

without a suite for the boat race.

- What about Bobby?

- Nah, it's too close to the iron man,

we might have to pull out.

Unless?

- No way, Jose.

- Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to announce

the finals of the surf boat race,

sponsored by Skyland Drive Ins at click clack

from the back.

I'd like the competitors to please stand

by their clubs.

- Okay.

- How's your head?

- Oh, I'm all right.

- Ladies and gentleman, I'd just like

to announce that Johnny Jake from Woodbaum,

his wife has just given birth to Joshua John,

just last night, a big round of applause

for Johnny Jake and his wife Anna,

are you right, Reg, Reg?

What a beautiful day, Christmas day

on the beach, folks.

While our lifeguards are fighting for the

biggest range, and his part of the world,

the snow keeps falling down.

Now, for the rest of this course,

for the moment, are you ready, lads?

In first place, Red Beach,

85 points and leading by a

- Go guys!

- Let's hear it for the fans.

Next, the dark horse with 83 points, Bar Beach,

next, with 80 points are,

who should have been disqualified,

with 75 points,

- Keep it straight!

Clint, you idiot!

- Go.

- Bobby McCain, the great surf hero.

It's not gonna work, you know.

We've got the deeds back,

won't be hard to convince the board

your father's still mad.

- You may as well forget it, Bobby.

- Listen, Bobby boy,

Donna and I play for keeps.

You're way in over your head.

- Do you always talk in cliches?

- Well, unlike you I'm not here

under false pretenses.

- They know how I am.

And I know exactly what you two are.

Dad!

- Hello, Richard.

And how's my faithful little wife?

Pumping me full of those ugly little pills

wasn't very nice, darling.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Really?

When I got Bobby this little toy,

I thought it might come in handy some day.

- It did.

- I kept him drugged

out of his brain with these.

He was crazy, all right.

- I want both your resignations

from the board of my company, immediately.

My lawyer is drawing up the papers.

And I suggest you return the deeds.

This is virtually a confession

to an attempted murder.

- I can walk.

- Bye!

- With my nephew, Clint Eastman,

way out in front, let's hear it

for my nephew, give it right here,

I got fifty to one on him, go Clint, go!

Go, Clint go!

- Go, go!

- Come on, Bobby!

- Come on, Bobby!

Bobby!

- Bobby, go!

- All right, he's way ahead now!

- It's Clint Eastman!

- We're gonna win!

Go, baby, yeah!

- Bobby, Bobby!

- Go, yeah, we're winning!

- No, get up!

- Get him!

- No!

- Let's get out of here.

- I'm sorry, Uncle Alfie.

- And it's Al, you idiot.

- Distinguished guests,

ladies and gentlemen,

ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to announce

the winners of the Surf Lifesaving Club Title,

- Mullet Beach!

- Ladies and gentlemen, the Mullet Beach captain,

Mick Dooley!

- Come on,

- Come on, lady.

- Oh, sorry, Mr. Eastman.

- Thank you.

Thanks very much, I'd like to thank

our supporters, and of course,

the club members, thank you club members.

Al Eastman, you're a wonderful man.

- Get up, get up.

You're pathetic, just get away.

Now I think you should all know,

this could never have been possible

without the help of one man, Bobby McCain.

Bobby, up here.

- Well I'd like to take all the credit

for it, but I can't, it was a team effort, huh?

Let's give another hand for the Mullets, yeah!

- Mullets!

- I know you're all waiting to

hear about the tourist development,

and I'm pleased to announce that it will

be going ahead,

but not as first planned.

The community has passed my father's designs

for an environmentally-friendly cooperative development.

We can't stop progress,

but we sure can plan the impact for our futures.

- This is crazy, I can't believe you!

- No, you are an idiot, Al Eastman!

- Thank you.

- Sorry excuse for an American!

- Don't hit me!

- You're disgusting, and I hate you!

I hate you, I hate you!

- Give her a real one.

- Hey, come on you two.

Come on.

¶ I know you wanna be loved ¶

¶ No word passes from your lips ¶

¶ I know you wanna be seen ¶

¶ No touch comes from your fingertips ¶

¶ If there is a way to send a message ¶

¶ Better do it before I go ¶

¶ Let me help you out 'cause I can tell you ¶

¶ Everything and you should know that ¶

¶ If you wanna be the only one ¶

¶ You better say it ¶

¶ Just say it ¶

¶ They are standing waiting to sound the drums ¶

¶ I'm gonna pray that ¶

¶ You will tell me tomorrow ¶

¶ Know that nothing is sure in this crazy world of ours ¶

¶ Maybe there is no cure ¶

¶ To the silence that surrounds us ¶

¶ If there is a time to take your chances ¶

¶ This is the time to show ¶

¶ Let me help you out ¶

¶ Cause I can tell you ¶

¶ Everything and you know that ¶

¶ If you want to be the only one ¶

¶ You better say it, just say it ¶

¶ They are standing waiting to sound the drums ¶

¶ I gonna pray that ¶

¶ You will tell me tomorrow ¶

¶ Tell me tonight ¶

¶ Tell me tonight ¶

¶ Maybe tonight ¶

¶ Know that nothing is sure ¶

¶ In this crazy world of ours ¶

¶ Maybe there is no cure ¶