Original subtitles

Do you take sugar?

Huh! How long have we worked together?

Right, do you want the bad news or the bad news?

What?

Strickland's just told me that he's brought

the deadline for the audit forward.

To when?

Friday,

which means we're gonna have to start the paperwork

right now.

I can't do that!

Oh, Gerry, I think after last year,

they can do anything they like.

Our paperwork was, um,

how did strickland put it?

A total shambles.

Yeah, well it's not gonna be like that this time.

The new systems we put in place should make it easy

for us to account for every single penny we spent

the last 12 months!

Yeah, but what about our proper work?

No new cases until after the audit, I'm afraid.

Oh, I didn't know accountancy was part of our job!

Anyway,

I've gotta get upstairs to my meeting with strickland

so please, get started.

[Jack groans]

What new systems?

Humph! Buggered if I know.

And where's Brian when you need him?

Good question.

[Laid-back music]

Scampi, come on!

Oh, come on, I should be in work by now!

Ooh.

[Woman] Stop that!

Stop now!

Oh, stop!

Hello?

Hello?

You alright?

Oh!

What is it?

Look!

What, you okay?

He's, bones, human bones!

Oh my, oh god.

Leave it, scampi!

Drop it!

Come on, put that down now! Put that down!

♪ It's alright it's okay ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if you're old and grey ♪

♪ it's alright I say it's okay ♪

♪ listen to what I say ♪

♪ it's alright doing fine ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine ♪

♪ it's alright I say it's okay ♪

♪ we're getting to the end of the day ♪

Now, if I were you, I can offer that

-pathologist again, -[Woman] Mr Lane!

See where they put your-

[woman] Mr. Lane!

Do you remember the storm last week?

[Brian] Oh, yes.

[Woman] Brought down that tree, you see.

[Brian] Must've been a force 10 storm, then.

Well, normally a tree being uprooted

would qualify as a force 10 on the beaufort scale,

but if you look closely, you'll see it's diseased,

so it only took a force 9.

As the tree fell over,

the roots tore up the ground, loosening the soil-

making it possible for scampi to find the skeleton.

Yes, that's my working hypothesis too!

[Reporter] Mr. Lane?

Yes?

Are you with the police?

[Brian] Yes.

If I can just ask you a couple of questions.

No, you can't, thank you.

Bloody reporters.

Psst!

Where's Sandra?

She's upstairs with strickland.

Oh! You'll never guess what happened with me this morning.

You found a body buried on the common.

What?

You made the early edition of the local rag.

Yeah, page three and all! [Chuckles]

Come on then, who's the bird?

She's called Alice sandwell,

I met her on the common this morning.

God, look.

Esther only left this morning, he's at it already!

Can't trust anybody these days.

Oh, bloody hell, that idiot reporter says

I'm in charge of the case!

She's coming!

Here, dog. Here, here, here.

[Dog whines]

Brian, right.

Sorry I'm late.

I found a body.

Yeah, I know you did, and i'd love to hear all about it,

but I need you to concentrate on the paperwork,

'cause they've brought the audit forward.

Ah.

Yes.

Well, this body.

I thought there might be a chance I could be seconded

to the investigating team.

No, not a chance. I need you here.

So, I can reassure strickland there's no problem, yeah?

Yes, of course.

Thank you.

And Brian! Get rid of the dog.

[Dog whines]

[Telephone rings]

Hello, Brian Lane.

Yeah, well, don't put him through,

yes, sir, hello.

Now, can I just stop you there, sir?

One, we haven't yet ascertained the sex of the body

and two, I think you're labouring under the misconception

that I'm in charge of this case.

No.

Can I ask you why you wanted this information?

Mm-hmm.

And your name is?

No, it's just for the records, purely routine.

Hello? You there?

Gone.

What was all that about?

An anonymous caller wanting to know the sex of the corpse.

Strange.

I'll put a trace on the call.

That can wait!

And tell the front desk to stop putting people through

to you down here, this is not our case!

Our case is to get this audit sorted out!

Yes, sir.

So, while she's upstairs, you're the boss, are you?

That's right, well somebody has to be in charge!

So who's your second-in-command?

What?

Who's second-in-command?

Brian!

In that case, Jack, I'll need

all your forensic request forms, please.

Just give us a minute.

And Gerry, I need your time sheets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I'll need them for cross-referencing purposes.

Ah!

And while you're at it, stick the kettle on.

No.

I'm going out to have a cigarette.

[Jack sighs]

[Telephone rings]

Hello, Brian Lane.

Ah, yeah, hang, madam, can you just calm down please?

Now, listen.

I'm not in charge of the case!

I know I was in the paper but, listen, madam,

just give me your name and I'll try,

right, Jackie.

Right, got that, and I'll pass it onto the people in charge.

Thank you.

It's gone.

Where you off now?

Developments.

Well, don't leave the dog!

All be alright.

Gerry!

Oh, shit!

Given the new deadline,

I cannot stress too highly

the need to avoid last year's fiasco.

Yeah, I know that, sir.

But with Brian leading the way,

I'm sure everything will be in order

- and on time. - Oh, here he is,

leading the way.

Brian?

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm just popping these messages through

to the boys in murder.

Thanks to the gentleman of the press,

the whole public thinks

I'm running the hackdale common case.

Have you not heard?

Heard?

That there's no case, Brian.

Since when?

Since the pathologist found

that the bones were over 600 years old.

600?

A murdered mediaeval maiden, apparently.

Late mediaeval, actually.

Yes, well, the perfect ucos investigation

if you didn't have your nose to the financial grindstone.

Grindstone.

Late mediaeval.

How you doing, Gerry?

[Gerry groans]

Isn't amazing how neutral acidity in the soil

can preserve a skeleton in almost perfect condition,

for hundreds of years?

Fascinating.

Your point being?

Well, that skeleton I found this morning was a woman

dating from the late mediaeval period.

So, late mediaeval, that was,

yeah, it was probably the black death, 1347.

800 people a day were dying from the black death!

Now it's boredom.

Your point being there's no murder inquiry.

So that's that.

Not quite.

That woman who rang in earlier, asking about it,

was one Jackie small.

Not the wife of the late Bobby small,

major villain of this parish?

Could be.

She was in a hell of a state.

Now, why would the widow of a cutthroat gangster

be at all interested in an ancient bag of bones?

Maybe she thought she knew who they belonged to.

That's what I was thinking.

Someone her horrible hubby topped?

[Brian] Worth checking, isn't it?

Certainly is.

I'll go.

Hang on.

Nah, the smalls and I go way back.

I found that body.

Alright, we'll both go!

Yeah, Jack, sort that lot out for us, will ya?

And log some of these receipts for me, will you?

Oh, and if the dog does a poo,

clean it up before Sandra sees it.

Thanks, sister, see you tomorrow.

Afternoon.

Friends in high places, eh?

- Can I help you? - [Melancholy music]

I'm Brian Lane, this is Gerry standing.

Are you policemen?

Don't you remember me, Jackie?

No, sorry.

I've spent a lot of time trying to Nick your late husband.

Oh, right, yeah.

Left you a fine old legacy, eh?

Yeah.

And how much blood money does a gaff like this cost?

Are you here about the body on the common?

Yeah.

You better come in, then.

I want to confess.

To anything in particular?

A murder.

Now, why would a smart cookie like you

say something stupid like that?

Because absolution isn't enough.

I realised now I need to be punished for my sins.

Is this a wind-up?

No, I killed a girl!

When?

Seven years ago, last Christmas.

And you're telling us this

due to some religious conversion?

I can't carry the guilt around anymore.

What is this, candid camera?

I murdered a 19 year old girl named Tina Murphy-

no, she bloody didn't.

And you are?

Laura, their daughter.

Ah! Last time I saw you,

you was in court!

Ah, you're coppers.

12 year old, marching around in her own little mink coat,

while her dad walked on a manslaughter charge!

Great British justice for ya.

No, that's a novel jury for you.

What you doing here?

[Brian] Your mother's just confessing to a murder.

[Laughs] Oh, yeah?

Well, that's 'cause she's sick in the head.

No!

Look, the stupid cow doesn't know

what she's talking about,

she's on antidepressants.

Poor girl.

Chucks 'em down like smarties,

then goes on about all this rubbish.

[Jackie] They found the body, on the common.

Really?

Yeah!

[Chuckles] It was on the radio,

the body's 600 years old.

But-

[Laura] See, she's completely confused.

Jackie, do you think you're ready to make a statement?

Well, i-

no, she's not.

I think your mother can speak for herself.

No, she can't.

Can you get out now?

Go on, get out.

I'm serious you know, she's away with the fairies.

We'll be the judge of that.

So, what are you gonna do now?

Put a squeeze on her?

You what?

You know, sting her for a few grand,

to keep your mouths shut.

You've got the wrong fellas, sweetheart.

You know what? I do recognise you.

Yeah?

You're my father's payroll, along with the rest of 'em.

Just another copper for sale.

Let's get out of here.

You took your time!

- [Brian] Scampi! - [Dog barks]

[Jack] How'd you get on?

Jackie small has confessed to the murder of a young woman

called Tina Murphy.

Really?

[Gerry] Yes, really.

Trouble is, there's no outstanding murder investigation

into anyone with a name Tina Murphy.

She said she killed her in 2000

and buried her on hackdale common.

Well, haven't you brought her in to make a statement?

No, we tried.

But her daughter put the mockers on it.

Said she's sick in the head with depression.

And is she?

Maybe.

But it doesn't mean she's not a killer!

[Jack] Oh, no, no.

Here, look. Allow me.

Oh, thank god.

I tell you what.

This spreadsheet's gonna be a cracker

even if I say so meself.

Right, Gerry! Have you got those time sheets yet?

Sod the time sheets, Brian!

Gerry, we have got to get these accounts sorted out!

Strickland is breathing down our neck as it is!

Jack, this is a murder!

Yes, I know, I know.

Alright, alright. Listen.

Let's suppose that Jackie small's telling the truth,

and that poor girl is buried

somewhere near our ancient cadaver.

Scampi's already found one body.

Well, he's not bloody Lassie!

[Chuckles] No, but it's worth a try, innit?

Well, what about the accounts?

Listen, I'll stop here tonight and work on the books.

Would ya?

Yeah, it's a bit strange at home anyway

with Esther away.

[Jack] Oh, that's great!

In the morning, you can take scampi out

and I can see what I can find on Tina Murphy.

Yep.

Is that alright, boss?

[Jack sighs]

[Quirky music]

Hello!

Oh, Mr. Lane! Nice to see you again.

Hello!

What are you up to?

Oh, Rhodey bashing.

Sorry?

We're removing the rhododendron.

What, from here?

Yeah.

Oh, my Esther loves them.

Oh! Well, they're all well and good in a domestic setting

but out here in the wild,

they're a right royal pain in the neck.

Really?

Oh, they dominate the environment,

they make it impossible for the indigenous flora to thrive.

Oh, are you forestry management?

No, no, I'm a professor of biological science.

Get away.

My undergraduates have marked out the entire area.

Fantastic.

Come and have a look,

and I'll show you how we study

- the fresh migration patterns. - [Dog whines]

You know, Brian might be right!

There is no record of a Tina Murphy being murdered

or even reported missing!

Maybe nobody cared enough to notice.

Maybe.

So, no body, no missing person.

You better have another go at that Jackie small.

Yeah.

And have you got those time sheets for Brian?

Yeah, at home.

Where is Brian?

He went out for a battery.

What?

For his calculator.

Why can't he use the calculator on his computer?

Well, he insists on using his own. [Chuckles]

Present from Esther, apparently.

Anyway, strickland wants to come down

for a progress report at 3:00 P.M.

Ah, that gives me time to nip home then!

What for?

Me time sheets.

And I'll go and see if I can track down Brian.

How long does it take to buy a battery?

Ah, you know what he's like!

See you at 3:00 P.M.!

[Sandra sighs]

So, anyway, those are my sampling areas.

Now it's just a question of waiting to see what happens.

Whereas I suppose you are trying to discover

what did happen.

It's extraordinary, isn't it?

A body hidden underground for 600 years.

Yep.

I wonder how she died.

Well, I'm afraid we'll never know.

I'd love to have got me teeth into it.

But there won't be an investigation.

It's all pounds, shillings, and pence these days.

Oh, isn't there any way of finding out more?

I do so hate not getting to the bottom of things.

Same here.

Brian!

Oh, Jack, I got sidetracked-

look, I'm sorry to interrupt.

This is-

Alice sandwell.

Professor Alice sandwell.

How'd you do? Jack halford.

Listen-

[Josh] Mr. Bartlett!

[Boys laughing]

Hang on.

[Josh] Mr. Bartlett!

Would you excuse us?

Alright, Josh, coming.

That call I had traced, that was from a bartlett.

Well-

- wait, wait. - Oh, Brian!

Mr. Bartlett!

Yes?

Sorry to disturb you.

That's quite alright.

This lot yours?

Yeah, it's a community programme I help run,

most of these kids don't even realise

they've got all this green space on their doorstep.

Very commendable.

Thank you.

Mr. Bartlett, your mobile phone number,

it's 07709 00632?

Yeah, that's right.

You rang the police about the body we found.

I'm Brian Lane.

I take the boys' nature orienteering in the woods,

I wanted to know if there was any restriction

on my movements.

You wanted to know about the sex of the body.

Well, it was female.

And 600 years old, I know.

Why were you so interested in the gender?

Curiosity, I suppose.

And your reluctance to give us your name?

I was just in a bit of a hurry.

Right. Okay, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Bye.

Oh, come on boys,

at least let's try and take this seriously!

She told me not to talk to you.

Thinks I'm losing my mind.

I can't find any trace of Tina Murphy.

If she is dead, no one's missed her for seven years!

Doesn't surprise me.

She was a loner.

Worked cash-in-hand in one of Bobby's pubs.

After she started,

you couldn't keep him away from the place.

She was sleeping with him?

I didn't want to lose him.

So you killed her?

No.

Well, make up your mind!

I hired someone to do it for me.

You hired someone? Who?

Well, I don't want to say,

that's between him and his conscience.

Do you want me to investigate this or not?

He said he'd buried her someone on the common,

that's why I thought you found her!

Jackie, you're not giving me anything to go on.

Well, can't you just dig until you find her?

Just dig? What, the whole common?

It's hard enough getting them to pay me petrol bills.

Bobby dropped dead a month after I had Tina killed.

He went to the doctor's with backache,

he was riddled with cancer.

The nuns have made me realise that's part of my penance,

but it's not enough!

There's a stain on my soul forever,

and as you punish me for that girl's death-

then give me a name so I can prove it!

No.

This is about me, nobody else.

Ah!

The name, Neil Williams, mean anything to you?

Yeah. Local mp and property developer.

Went missing in 1993.

Body never found.

His business partner, Michael Evans,

was convicted of his murder four years later.

Even I remember that, it was a timeshare scam, wasn't it?

That's right.

Smarmy-looking sod.

[Brian] What about him?

I ran a check on your Mr. Bartlett.

And?

Andrew bartlett was Neil Williams' next-door neighbour.

Get away.

Was he a suspect?

No, but was he questioned when Williams disappeared.

And now he's ringing up in a flat

wanting to know the sex of the body in the woods?

And Michael Evans just spent the last nine years in jail

protesting his innocence.

Ooh, hurry up, we've got visitors.

Yes, so you see, that goes in the description column

and that in the amounts column.

[Robert] Gentlemen.

[Gerry] Oh, afternoon.

As you are aware, sir,

my team have been working round the clock

preparing for the audit,

and I'm sure they're now ready to give you an update

on their progress so far.

Brian!

Yes, well, thus far, we've accounted for all expenses

on training, on travel,

office equipment, and forensic work.

Excellent. And?

Yes, the next area we need to analyse and assess

is the dent we've made

in the centrally-funded informant's budget.

Right, well, keep up the good work.

Actually, I've designed

a rather novel data pi function spreadsheet,

which allows you to cross-reference as you collate.

Let me show it to you.

Brian, it's really not necessary.

No, no, won't take a minute.

No, but it all seems very thorough.

Oh, yes, it is, I assure you.

Well, keep at it, um, and if any discrepancies do crop up-

you'll be the first to know, sir.

Well done, Brian.

[Chuckles] You've bored him into submission.

What do you mean, it is fascinating, this stuff, look-

right, cut the crap, what's going on?

Jack.

We've got a new case.

[Jack] Two.

I turn my back for one minute!

Jackie small!

Bobby's wife?

Exactly. Now, she thinks the body is Tina Murphy,

who she had topped for screwing her husband.

The only problem is, no one's noticed that Tina's missing,

and she's hardly a reliable witness.

You said two.

Remember local mp, Neil Williams?

Disappeared in the mid '90s.

Oh yeah, the timeshare fraudster.

That's right.

And his business partner, Michael Evans,

was sent down for it.

Well, when Brian found that skeleton,

Williams' next door neighbour, one Andrew bartlett,

started to ask questions,

and we thought we'd better find out why.

Look, I know this all sounds a bit far-fetched but-

sounds like Scooby-bloody-doo.

So, uh, it's back to the paperwork, is it?

Brian.

Can you assure me that we'll be ready for those auditors?

Absolutely.

Let me show it to you.

No, you go ahead and work your magic.

Jack, go talk to bartlett,

Gerry, you and I'll go visit Jackie small.

You sure?

Oh, yes. I'm a copper, not an accountant!

Oh, and I'm stuck here.

[Gerry] They're moving out.

So, you spent a few years

trying to put Bobby small away, did you?

Yeah, trying and failing.

The arsehole bought himself out of trouble...

What's she doing?

[Laura] Oi!

[Sign clangs]

Laura, what do you think you're doing?

[Laura] That bitch is selling-

[Gerry] Yeah, I can see that!

Wants to give the profits to the bloody penguins.

[Sandra] To the what?

[Gerry] The local nuns. Take it easy!

This palace is all I've got in my inheritance!

Yeah, well me heart bleeds for ya.

[Sandra] Is your mother inside?

Leave her alone.

You stupid pigs, you're just gonna lie anyway, aren't ya?

Christ, you're your father's daughter, alright.

Jackie?

Ah, Jackie.

This is detective superintendent Pullman.

Oh, I'm too tired.

Yeah, I'm sorry, love,

but we need the name of that hit man, okay?

[Jackie groans]

Now, come on.

What was his name?

Oh, shit!

How many of these have you taken?

She's just a kid.

[Gerry] Governor.

Yeah.

I'll call an ambulance.

Come on, stay awake, Jackie, come on!

Give us a name!

[Sandra] Hi, it's ds Pullman,

-requesting an ambulance to -Jackie, come on!

Who killed Tina Murphy?

[Sandra] [Indistinct] Park gardens, w11.

- Cheers, bye. - Louis.

What?

Louis.

Louis who?

[Laura] What's going on?

Johnson.

Louis Johnson?

Um, excuse me, Mr. Bartlett?

I'm sorry to interrupt.

Right, boys. You carry on with that.

I'll be back in a sec.

It's just that we're, uh,

following a new line of inquiry

into the death of Neil Williams.

Uh, well, his partner was convicted of killing him,

eight or nine years ago.

According to our records,

both you and your wife were interviewed when he disappeared.

Ah, he was our next-door neighbour.

Were you friends?

Hardly.

In your interview,

you said you went to parties at his house.

Well, once or twice, yes,

but they were rather large affairs.

We'd barely speak to him.

So you weren't a friend of Williams?

No, not really.

And your wife?

No more than me. [Chuckles]

I wonder if I could talk to her?

She passed away.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise.

Nearly three years ago.

Brain haemorrhage.

I see.

If you need more information about Neil's death,

wouldn't you be better off talking to his killer?

[Jack] Mr. Evans.

Who are you?

Jack halford.

I'm reinvestigating the murder of Neil Williams.

What was your name again?

Halford.

Don't remember you from when they arrested me.

No, I'm new to the case.

12th of may, 1993.

I'm sorry?

That's the first time they arrested me.

I wasn't charged until three years later.

The debt of inspector Potter. That was the name.

He seemed determined to prove it was me.

And you've always maintained your innocence?

I was an architect,

I know.

Of my own downfall. [Chuckles]

Can you tell me about the day of the murder?

All I ever did was to draw out the plans for the property.

How was I supposed to know that

Neil never intended to build them?

He fooled me, same as he fooled the clients.

Mr. Evans, can you tell me what happened on that day?

The night I found out he was a fraud,

I was mortified. Horrified.

I got drunk. I'll admit that.

And I would've had to have confront him,

to tell him that I wanted no part of it.

We had a bit of scuffle, he fell over and he cut himself.

I helped him up and then he threw me out.

And that was the last time I saw him alive.

A passerby heard the shouting

and they found traces of Neil's blood on my clothing

and that's why I'm in here now.

Thanks, well, keep me informed, will you?

Cheers, bye.

How is she?

After all that, it wasn't even an overdose.

You're kidding!

No, she mixed up her pills,

the one she took was seven years out of date.

That's why she copped out.

Dozy mare.

Do you actually know this bloke?

Yeah, yeah. I've nicked him a couple of times.

He's really small fry, you know?

I could see that. Come on.

[Gerry grunts]

Gerry standing.

Detective superintendent Pullman, Louis Johnson.

Your probation officer said you'd gone up in the world.

Can we come in?

Welcome to the presidential suite.

[Gerry sniffs]

Sorry about the chairs.

[Sandra] Don't worry about it.

The chippendales are arriving tomorrow. [Chuckles]

Nice to see that

your palatial surroundings aren't getting you down.

No chance. It's not for long, anyway.

It's just until I can find a bit of work.

Legit, I hope?

'Cause.

Talking of which.

Yeah, a little bird told us that seven years ago

you did a job for Jackie small.

Who?

Come off it, Louis.

Look, I don't know what you're on about!

Jacqueline small.

Widow of Bobby.

Well, I know who Bobby small is,

but I've never had the pleasure of working for him.

Or his wife.

Ooh! Nice motor.

Cheers. It's my pride and joy.

Still got it?

I wish.

It'll suit the uniform.

Tina Murphy.

What?

Does the name mean anything to you?

No.

Come on!

Look, I wouldn't lie to you, Gerry!

So I couldn't hire you as a hit man, then?

Hit man?

Me? Are you sure?

I want a pint of whatever yous lot are on!

Tell me, what do you know about Andrew bartlett?

The next-door neighbour?

Yeah.

Nothing to say, really.

He's quite a, pleasant, sort of, chap.

And how did Neil find him?

Oh, he used to make fun of him and his wife.

He nicknamed them the stiffs.

Often wondered what he called me behind my back.

Why the stiffs?

Because they were quiet.

Decent people, Neil didn't like that.

Why not?

I remember him saying he had designs on them.

Designs?

He was a great one for seduction.

The tough of the nut, the pith of the crack,

he used to say.

And did he manage to crack Mrs. Bartlett?

Not to my knowledge.

You've been very helpful, Michael.

Thanks for your time.

You already have, haven't you?

- Evans. - Wait.

What?

Do you think he did it?

It's very early stages in the investigation.

He's a suspect.

Everybody is a suspect.

[Michael pants]

Are you alright?

Tell me you think he did it.

That might stand a chance of getting out of here.

I'm sorry, Michael, I've got to go.

Oh, this is a nice surprise!

I've brought some soup!

Oh, lovely.

Here, boy!

[Dog whimpers]

[Chuckles] So, have you found out

anything more about our body?

Yes, well, I've managed to extract a fair bit

from our pathologist.

Ooh. Excellent.

The pathologist says that judging by the pubic symphysis,

she was a teenager.

Really, that young?

Also, the spread of the pelvic bone indicates

a late-stage pregnancy.

Oh, poor girl.

The strange thing is the foetal skeleton is absent.

Well, maybe she had just given birth.

Well, she hadn't gone the full term, remember.

He also said that there was a slight Nick

at the bottom of her rib cage.

Like a knife wound?

That's a possibility.

So, maybe someone removed the baby.

[Alice sighs]

Well, the pathologist has done me a bit of a favour.

Using the precise dimensions of the skull,

he's created a digital artist's impression

of how she might've looked. Here.

Oh!

Pretty, little thing, isn't she?

We should give her a name!

How about Guinevere?

I like it.

Right then. Guinevere, it is.

Thank you, Mr. Bartlett, that's very good of you.

See you in about an hour.

Pulling bartlett in for a little chat.

Gonna rattle his cage a bit.

Good. Where's Brian?

He should be here preparing for the audit-

sh!

Doesn't like going home when Esther's away.

What is that smell?

Well, it's not the dog.

Governor?

Yeah?

This is everything I could find on Bobby small.

That's from police surveillance to press, everything, right.

Now, there's no mention of Tina Murphy

in any of the police files,

but this young woman keeps popping up in the snaps

from '99 onwards.

Tea, anyone?

Yeah, please.

I will, yes please.

Not for me.

Morning, Brian.

[Grunts] Oh, good morning-

look at this!

Lying, little toerag! He was working for Bobby small!

Oh, someone left in a hurry.

Yeah.

Oi, oi! You've been telling porkies, haven't ya?

Not me, Mr. Standing.

You worked for Bobby small.

Yeah.

- Ah! - [Dramatic music]

Oh!

Get out the way! Out, out!

Oh, shit!

Oh!

Don't worry about me, get him, get him!

Ah!

He's gone. But he dropped this.

If I could find Jackie small's number in here,

then we can prove a link between them.

Well?

Nothing.

Bollocks!

Bleeding waste of time.

I see from the payroll records that you've claimed

132 hours overtime in the last financial year!

And?

Exactly 11 hours each month.

Yeah, well, I'm a creature of habit.

Even so, looks a bit odd, doesn't it?

The same amount of hours every month?

Eyebrows will be raised.

Will they? Well, let them.

Look, I've given Sandra my personal assurance

that this will be sorted out by tomorrow,

so I need your time sheets, now!

Alright, alright-

right now, Gerry!

Alright!

There you go.

Sodding time sheets.

Oh, what a mess!

Most of these are empty.

Yeah, well, I got a bit behind doing 'em,

then I, sort of, just guessed how much overtime I'd done.

Couldn't you have varied them a bit?

Look, I'm probably losing a good few quid in wages!

You know what they call this? Fraud.

Fraud?

As I said, we're pursuing a new line of inquiry

and we're very grateful for any help that you can give us.

And as I said, I don't see how I can be of any help.

These parties you used to go to at Neil Williams' place.

Mm, what about them?

Did you ever get involved in any kind of domestic dispute

with him when you were there?

No.

You sure?

Positive.

How about Marjorie?

Sorry?

Did she?

No, I don't think so.

Lot of people seem to think

that he was a good-looking sort of a fellow.

If you like that sort of thing.

Did Marjorie find him handsome?

She never said.

She might've done.

What are you insinuating?

Nothing.

I've come here today, of my own volition,

to help you with your inquiry.

And we're very grateful.

How would like me to start making lascivious comments

about your late wife?

Look, all I'm trying to do is make sense

out of Neil Williams' life.

Well, I'd have appreciated it if you could do so

without sullying my wife's memory.

I just want to establish her relationship with the victim.

I have nothing further to add.

Neil Williams is buried somewhere near that log cabin,

otherwise why did bartlett panic when those bones turned up?

I think his wife was sleeping with Williams,

bartlett found out and did him.

Yeah, but this is all circumstantial,

we can't just go randomly digging,

we need to have more evidence to go on,

- wouldn't we? - Obviously I know that!

Yes! Why didn't I think of it before?

- [Dog barks] - What?

I know someone who might be able to tell us

where your body's buried.

Statistically, the murderer generally gets rid of a body

no more than 200 yards from the sight of the killing.

What, so, if someone was killed in that cabin,

they could be buried close by?

Exactly.

So, Alice. We want you to cast your eye over this area,

your expert eye.

Mm.

And see if you can spot anything out of the ordinary.

We're looking for any signs of ground

that might've been dug up a dozen years or so ago.

Well, I'm flattered by your confidence,

but I'm not sure that I can justify it.

We have an audience.

This environment is constantly evolving!

It's in a state of permanent flux.

We think the body was disposed of in late spring.

Ah, the common's a beautiful sight in late spring.

Covered in bluebells, native bluebells.

So, if someone dug a big hole,

it would leave a considerable bare patch?

Oh, yes, it would.

That, hang on a minute.

There is something I've always wondered about.

Come and have a look at this.

Prunus laurocerasus rotundifolia, yes,

that might provide your answer.

What, this stuff?

Yes, it's a vigorous evergreen shrub,

it grows at great speed almost anywhere

as long as it's left unchecked,

and it is definitely not native to this area.

Does it self-seed?

Oh, no, absolutely not.

So, somebody planted this?

To cover a clear patch?

That would certainly be my guess.

Alice, you're a genius.

Sandra? I think we've narrowed the field of search.

And if we play our cards right,

our friend bartlett might help us to narrow it even further.

Okay, thanks, Jack.

Keep me posted, yeah?

Right, bye!

What?

I'm sorry, governor,

I've gotta talk to you about something.

It's-

[telephone rings]

Is that you?

No!

Well, it's not me!

Hello?

[Caller] Who's that?

Uh, Louis.

[Caller] I'm just checking,

did you say eight or nine tonight?

Eight o'clock tonight.

[Caller] In the greenwood?

That's right. I'll see you there.

Where the hell's the greenwood pub?

Look it up, I'll drive.

[Eerie music]

[Gerry] Ah, not again!

[Louis] Ah!

[Sandra] Yep.

Ah.

Who are you?

Hello, Tina.

Perhaps it's third time lucky.

[Jack] He's found something!

[Andrew] Oh, god!

Come on.

Bartlett!

Run into an old friend, have we?

No, no, I.

God.

[Brian] Guinevere's baby.

Are you saying that's not you?

Yeah.

Well, I'm saying it is.

You are Tina Murphy.

That might be Tina Murphy, I'm not.

You were Bobby small's lover!

My name's pauline Webster.

Tina Murphy!

Pauline Webster.

If she is Tina Murphy, and you were paid to take her out,

what went wrong?

Don't know what you're on about.

[Knocking on door]

Yep.

Cheers.

Interview suspended at 11:30 P.M.

Well, I fancy a cup of tea.

How about you, Tina?

Sorry, who?

Can you identify that woman?

[Gerry] You owe Jackie small a refund.

And us an explanation.

I used to do the odd driving job for Bobby.

Anyway, boom, one night, he's booked me to pick Jackie up.

She was rat-arsed.

Started asking me about hiring a hit man.

Said she was willing to pay 50 grand.

Nice work, if you could get it.

I could've started a fleet of motors

with that kinda money.

So I gave her something blindly

about being a marksman in the army.

Were you ever in the army?

[Chuckles] What do you think?

So she gave you the job?

Did you ever intend to carry out the hit?

I had it planned.

But I'm no killer.

Tina is refusing to press charges,

and without her evidence, the cps are unlikely to prosecute.

I just can't believe she's still alive.

It's a miracle!

It's not a miracle.

God's answered all my prayers!

So can we stop with all this household crap now?

It's too late, I found a buyer.

What? Who?

The church, made me a very fair offer-

oh, you are not giving it to those bloody nuns!

They're gonna use this place as a retreat.

Oh no, mum, seriously, please just-

sorry, love, but my mind's made up.

She should get done

for giving everything away that dad built.

Stole.

Much as I loved him,

we all know your dad was a thieving old bastard.

We'll leave you to it.

Yeah, see ya!

See you!

Last man standing.

It's a long time since anyone called me that.

Mm.

Considering she was completely vitriolic

towards her mum over the murder stuff

when she thought she was ill,

then she was genuinely quite upset.

Look, governor.

Did you wonder why she called me last man standing?

Yes, I did.

Well, I'd just started in cid,

and everyone in my squad and I mean everyone,

was taking a backhander off of Bobby small, except me.

Last man standing.

My mates sent me to coventry.

Not one of them spoke to me.

It's the worse time in me life.

And in the end, I couldn't handle it anymore,

I gave in and put him for a transfer to vice.

I've never thought you were bent, Gerry.

Thanks, governor.

But that makes it even worse.

I've done something really stupid.

They treating you alright?

As well as can be expected.

They found Neil Williams' body

not two feet from where you were digging.

In the dark it was confusing,

the Laurel spread everywhere.

Couldn't find him.

I would like you to tell me, in your own words,

exactly what happened on the night of may the 10th, 1993.

Um, it was bad weather.

I just called by to check that the cabin was okay,

and there they were.

On the table.

I grabbed a knife from the drawer and-

you stabbed him?

Yep.

Where?

In the back.

And the neck.

How?

Sorry, i-

well, just show me how you...

Like this.

You were considerably taller than Neil Williams,

weren't you?

Uh, couple of inches, maybe.

I've just had a word with the pathologist.

He reckons that the marks on the victim's vertebrae suggest

that he was stabbed by a much smaller person.

In a, reaching up, like this.

How tall was Marjorie, Andrew?

[Ominous music]

I hope you won't be offended when I tell you

that I don't believe a word of your story.

Neil Williams ruined my life.

I was happy until he came along

with his easy charm and his appetites.

He saw right through me the first time I met him,

he told me so.

I became a challenge.

He wouldn't rest until...

You had an affair with him?

I remember the first time.

"Mission accomplished," he said.

And Marjorie found out?

I hate the word gay.

All I wanted was Marjorie

and he appeared.

How did she kill him?

Exactly as I said.

Only the roles were reverse.

But Marjorie's gone, why didn't you tell the truth?

I've worked with children all my life,

if people found out that I'd used that cabin

for some sort of sordid, sexual tryst-

you'd rather be thought of as a murderer?

And I didn't want

Marjorie's memory dragged through the mud, either.

It was my fault she did what she did.

I deserve the blame.

Strickland's gonna be here any minute,

what am I gonna tell him?

Well, couldn't we say it's a computer virus?

This isn't just about you, Gerry,

it reflects on me, i'm your commanding officer!

And why didn't Brian tell me?

Dunno.

Maybe he thought,

I dunno.

I think it's a lovely gesture, Alice,

planting a tree in their memory.

Well, let's hope it lasts for another 600 years!

And thank you for all your help.

Oh, it's been really interesting.

Alice, isn't that a rhododendron?

I thought it was the enemy.

It's a present

for your Esther, 'cause you said she liked them.

Aw, thank you!

Well, look after yourself.

I will. Bye.

Bye.

He's here.

I'm sorry, Sandra.

So, I've just been notified

that you proved more than capable of defying orders,

and taking on unauthorised cases.

With excellent results, I might add, sir!

Yes, well, I hope you show the same zeal

when it comes to preparing the audit.

Sir, I need to-

oh, Brian!

Brian.

Ah, yes, sir.

Now, I've trawled every aspect of the expenditure,

that's for all areas of the budget

and for every member of the team.

And give or take the cost of the odd postage stamp,

it's all absolutely accurate.

So here we are, sir, all the files,

including all the overtime sheets.

Yes, well, that's very kind of you, Brian,

I'll send someone down to pick 'em up.

Well done.

Get rid of the dog.

Sir.

Brian!

Did you just lie to strickland?

I was just a bit creative with the truth.

Yeah, but what about my time sheets?

I stayed up all night, didn't I?

Reworking them, using Jack's time sheets and me own,

plus a bit of ingenuity.

And now you can add master forger to your evergrowing cv.

Well, thanks a lot mate, I owe ya.

You know what, Gerry, you were right.

You've diddled yourself.

Jack and I claim for twice as much overtime as you.

Bloody typical!

That's a very nice-looking plant you've got there, Brian.

Yes, it's a rhododendron.

It's for Esther.

She's coming home tonight.

That's very thoughtful of you.

Esther will be moved.

I'll tell you what she'd really like, Brian.

Before she arrives, run a nice hot bubble bath

then get in it and give yourself a wash,

'cause you stink.

Pooh.

♪ It's alright it's okay ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if you're old and grey ♪

♪ it's alright I say it's okay ♪

♪ listen to what I say ♪

♪ it's alright doing fine ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine ♪

♪ it's alright I say it's okay ♪

♪ we're getting to the end of the day ♪

♪ high tech low tech take your pick ♪

♪ you can't teach an old dog a brand new trick ♪

♪ I don't care what anybody says ♪

♪ at the end of the day ♪