Original subtitles

Hello, my name is Jack halford.

I've come to sign my will.

Ah, right.

Ah, mr halford, at last we meet again.

Perhaps I should read it through.

Well you're more than welcome to,

but the wording is exactly

as we said it would be, three years ago.

Have your circumstances changed at all since

mrs halford passed on?

No, no, no, nothing's changed.

Then sign it!

Thank you.

I have to see him now.

Blunt, you and I need to talk.

We have discussed this, mr hepple.

If you wish to speak to me,

you must make an appointment and wait your turn.

I have been waiting for ten years.

Then ten minutes won't make any difference, will it?

Excuse me, who do you think you are?

Detective superintendent Pullman, who are you?

The cat is dead, blunt, the cat is dead.

What cat?

♪ It's all right, it's okay [upbeat music] ♪

♪ Doesn't really matter if you're old and grey ♪

♪ it's all right, I say, it's ok ♪

♪ listen to what I say ♪

♪ it's all right, doing fine ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine ♪

♪ it's all right, I say, it's ok ♪

♪ we're getting to the end of the day ♪

You know those stories about dotty old ladies

who leave their house and their money to their pets?

Thought it was an urban myth.

Well, that's exactly what Harry's aunt Dorothy did.

The last of the lucky cats passed on last week.

And as cats tend not to leave wills,

it means the estate is back up for grabs.

And where does that leave you legally?

Well, we're not entirely sure.

The obvious solution would be

for Harry and his sister Caroline to split everything,

but there's a third claimant.

Another family member?

No, a Dale hewson has been the housekeeper and cat-sitter

since Dorothy died, he thinks he's owed.

And what do you think?

I find it ironic that any of them think they have a claim

considering Dorothy lay dead for two weeks

before any of them even noticed as her beloved cats ate her.

Bloody hell.

I'm sorry, look this is your appointment...

Were there any suspicious circumstances

surrounding the death?

Actually, there was an investigation,

but I don't think it came to anything.

I don't suppose you can remember

the name of the investigating officer?

Jack!

What?

It can wait.

All you had to do was sign.

- I just need a bit more time. - Why?

- I just do. - Oh!

February '96, Caroline baker visits her aunt Dorothy.

And when she gets there,

the door's locked and the curtains are drawn.

She rings the doorbell no joy, so she rattles the letterbox.

And it's then she notices the smell.

Aunt Dorothy, I presume?

And 30 cats.

But she doesn't call the police, she calls the rspca.

She's more worried about the cats than the auntie?

Apparently, anyway they break down the door

and find Dorothy dead in her favourite chair.

Well, at least some of Dorothy, the cats had got hungry.

Serves her right for having them.

See, a dog would have raised the alarm, got help.

Not that stupid thing of yours.

Scampi is not stupid, just gets a bit confused.

I wonder where he gets that from.

Can we just get back to the case?

Told you, Jack, there isn't one.

The old lady just slipped away in her sleep.

The cat thing is revolting, but it's not criminal.

The original investigation was inconclusive.

Because there was nothing to investigate.

Sandra, there's more to it than that.

The way the nephew was behaving.

I'm sorry, the answer is no.

There's just not enough evidence.

Ok, fine.

Why were you at the solicitor's anyway?

Getting his will signed.

Guv, this is Liam Donnelly.

He's the rspca inspector who found the body.

He was a friend of Dorothy's.

There'd been a lot of complaints

about the cats from the bloke next door.

So I'd been helping her bring down the population.

Liam thinks the death was suspicious.

When the door was kicked in all the cats came flying out.

And that's when we realised

what had happened to poor Dorothy.

It's very tragic, but it's not suspicious.

No wait, the reason she got so many complaints

was because she let those cats run wild.

She let them run all over the place.

She always left the kitchen window open for them.

But that day the kitchen window was shut.

There was just no way for them to get out.

That's why they did what they did.

Someone must have shut that window.

To delay the body being found.

I told this to the police, but they weren't interested.

Yes well, thanks Liam thanks for coming in.

Don't worry, we're going to look into all this.

Jack, a word.

It's not enough.

Dr lau performed the autopsy on Dorothy

and he's gonna take us through his findings.

You said you wanted more evidence.

No, I wanted you to drop the case.

Have I had a wasted journey?

Yes.

Not at all, and thank you for your time, doctor.

Right.

I concentrated on time and cause of death.

Oh, poor old bugger.

The first was fairly straightforward.

There was considerable insect infestation.

The fatter the maggots,

the longer they'd been on the corpse.

She died sometime on the 9th,

two weeks before she was found.

And only a day after she was last seen alive.

Cause was more problematic.

Given her age, my usual hypothesis would have been

she died of untreated pneumonia.

But there was nothing in her

recent medical history to suggest it.

Her toxicology screen ruled out poisoning.

And there were no broken bones,

so I didn't think she was beaten.

So she wasn't murdered, then?

No, I didn't say that.

I'd only ruled out beating and poisoning so far.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Luckily, her feline friends hadn't got as far as the brain,

so I cracked her skull and I found haemorrhaging

in the bony part of her inner ear.

It's an indicator of asphyxiation.

So she was suffocated.

Maybe, we couldn't look for the other indicators.

But you suspect foul play?

Suspect, yes.

Prove, no.

It's too speculative.

You can say that about any case.

It's all speculation until we prove otherwise, am I right?

Old people die, Jack.

And I know you don't want to hear this,

but sometimes they pass away unnoticed.

Sandra!

- No bowls! - What?

At the crime scene.

If you have a pet, you always leave out

bowls of food and water.

Dorothy had over 30 cats, there'd be bowls everywhere.

So what?

Doctor lau said that the cats had eaten

most of the physical evidence.

Maybe somebody was banking on that.

Which is why the kitchen window was locked.

No food, no way out, nature had to take its course.

This was a murder.

Expensive cats' home.

Yeah, that's gotta be one and a half, two million.

Depending on the state of it structurally, of course.

You can check for damp when we get in, Gerry.

Morning.

Hello.

Jonathan, thank you for coming.

I wasn't looking forward to explaining

the ins and outs to the family.

It's very straightforward, they can't carve up the spoils

until our investigation is complete.

Yes, that all sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

I'm not sure the hepple family

will be quite so laid back about it all.

Are they inside?

Actually they're in the middle of a funeral.

Sorry?

For the cat, shall we?

[Upbeat music]

What the hell is that?

That will be the neighbour, Tim cuswell.

Dorothy had a few problems with him over the years.

I'll go and have a word.

I'd rather not go into the cat house, anyway.

Why not?

I'm allergic.

- [Upbeat music] - Hello, mr cuswell?

My, my, that's a lot of noise for a little dog.

Trueman, trueman, that's enough!

I'm sorry, it's a private party.

Yes, a very loud one.

Could you just...

No I couldn't, I'm celebrating.

And I don't care what anyone says!

Who are you, anyway?

One of hepple's lackeys?

No, my name's Brian Lane.

I'm part of a police investigation

into the death of Dorothy hepple.

Why didn't you say that in the first place?

Come in.

Ah, that's better.

Dorothy even planned the flowers, white chrysanthemums only.

Just so you know, the couple are Caroline,

that's Dorothy's niece, and her husband Peter.

Harry you know,

that chap there is Dale hewson, the cat-sitter.

So, this is quite a party.

It's a celebration for me getting my life back.

Every last one of those murdering moggies

is in the ground.

And we couldn't be happier, could we trueman?

I understand you and Dorothy didn't get along.

I loathed the woman.

I did mention I'm part of a murder investigation.

Oh I didn't kill her, I wanted to though.

Why?

Stay where you are.

Excuse me, what are you doing here?

Harry, who are these people?

Detective superintendent Pullman.

I'll be heading up an investigation into your aunt's death.

I'm sorry, until that's happened

all her assets will be frozen.

What, I've got a house to put on the market and sell.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

She couldn't have been that bad.

Have you ever wakened to find your lawn

covered in cat muck?

Pigeon guts on you doorstep

have you ever been kept awake

by the shrieking of copulating cats?

And it's not just now and then, it was every miserable day.

I get your point.

And every day there were more cats.

I kept hoping that she would be too old

to go out searching for strays.

But, then her bloody niece

started bringing them round for her.

It just never stopped.

It's all there every scratched fence post,

every plant that they've dug up, every fouling incident.

So I see.

And the notes.

Mrs hepple used to love firing off her little notes.

Don't be fooled by the nice handwriting.

Some of them were quite rude.

Did you never think about moving?

The house was on the market for two years with no offers.

The bottom line is,

would you want to live next door to a cat's home?

[Soft music]

Now this must have been where she was found.

You really shouldn't be in here.

I'm sorry. We're just looking.

I've kept this room just how Dorothy liked it.

All her little knick-knacks and whatnots.

Yeah, nice.

It's all rubbish, really, not worth a penny.

But Dorothy loved them.

Not that that means anything to that lot out there.

All this would be in a skip if they had their way.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

The final straw was when boycott was murdered.

There's a file about it

The vet took the picture.

My god!

One minute he was playing happily in the garden

and the next, blood everywhere.

He'd been clawed to death.

By Dorothy's cats?

You must have been devastated.

Incandescent.

I tried to have it out with her.

I banged on the door, I shouted through the letterbox.

But there was no answer.

If it's all right with you,

I'd like to hang on to these for evidence.

Do you want the physical evidence too?

- It's all dated. - It's poo.

Every pile of cat dropping

I've found on my lawn over the last ten years.

Very graphic.

Aren't you going to take it?

Not just yet, don't want it thawing out, do we?

Good thinking.

How much longer are we expected to wait?

You've no idea what we've been through.

Particularly my wife.

It's disgusting.

No, you're all disgusting.

Dorothy wouldn't have wanted all this carry-on.

Despite her death, Dale always seems to know

what my aunt would have wanted, it's an amazing talent.

Someone has to protect her interests.

We all know whose interests you're looking out for.

That's enough Harry, haven't you realised

they think one of us killed aunt Dorothy.

She didn't die in her sleep like we all thought.

She was murdered, someone killed her.

Rubbish.

- Harry. - Leave him.

You know what he's like, come on.

How'd they take it?

Over the moon.

- Heel, heel! - [Upbeat music]

Now, scampi, listen, this is your last chance with Esther.

So come on, let's get this right.

Are you listening to me, now stay, stay.

Stay.

Stay, oh scampi, bloody hell!

Heel, come on, heel!

Heel!

I think he's got add, attention deficit disorder.

Rubbish.

No, I mean it, he's got all the signs.

Then maybe it's time we admit that he's too much for us.

And give him to somebody who can cope with him.

Meaning I can't cope?

Look at the state of you.

He's got problems, Esther yes.

That doesn't mean we've just got to dump him.

If he goes, I go.

How did that old geezer...

Morning!

I got him to through fax all the paperwork

on Dorothy's will.

During the last 12 months of her life,

she re-drafted it six times.

Crikey, do we know why?

No, seemed to depend on who was flavour of the month.

One was in favour of Caroline, one for Harry,

one split between the two of them.

But then two weeks before she died, the cats got lucky.

No wonder Caroline and Harry were pissed off.

A fortnight earlier they would have been in the money.

Look at this.

It's a cat.

Do you know why their tongues are all rough?

Because they're covered in sharp points,

for stripping meat from bones.

Fascinating.

They've also got teeth that are designed

for cutting and shredding.

And retractable claws for pinning down prey.

And people keep them as pets.

Any of that relevant, Brian?

Yes, know thy enemy.

Look, Dale was the only one who ever listened to Dorothy.

He knew everything that was going on,

I'd like to question him.

Ok, and whilst you do, find out where he was

whilst Dorothy was lying dead,

'cause that's the bit that gets me, where were they all?

Jerry you and I had better go and interview

the loving niece and nephew find out if they had any alibis.

Mr hepple.

Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?

Coming to see you.

At my place of work, I don't think so.

Make it quick, the markets are about to open.

Where were you for the two weeks

before your aunt's body was found?

In Singapore, on business.

Can you prove that?

How, it was over ten years ago.

What about company records, when did you fly out?

I can't remember.

Was it before or after Sunday 9th February?

I don't know, I'll check, ok?

Now, are we done?

I hope you're giving Dale the third-degree as well,

and not buying his mincing little act.

Did you always resent him so much?

I couldn't talk to Dorothy without him being there.

What did you want to talk to her about?

Family business.

The will?

We heard that she was making changes.

But it was her money.

It was family money, and it should have stayed that way.

I don't care if that sounds mercenary.

In my job you learn not to be ashamed of money.

Or the desire for it.

Tosser!

♪ I dream my dreams away! ♪

Let's do a bit better on this one.

♪ Any time you're lambeth way, any evening, any day ♪

♪ you'll find us all ♪

Get ready!

♪ Doing the lambeth walk ♪

♪ every evening, every day ♪

I want everybody to join in, and I mean everybody!

♪ You'll find us all ♪

♪ doing the lambeth walk, oi! ♪

We're your last customers, Doris love,

get yourself home, put your feet up.

Thanks, Dale.

Thank you.

So, where were you at the time of the murder?

Fuengirola, I've been going there for years.

I need a bit of winter sunshine come February

so I book the same fortnight every year.

I flew out on the Sunday morning.

- The 9th? - If you say so.

You know, I very nearly didn't go.

Deep down, I knew I'd be flying back to tragedy.

Really?

There'd been rows.

Caroline and Harry had being trying

to browbeat poor Dorothy.

Going on about the will, well, I wasn't having it.

Nobody cares about the elderly any more.

That's why I do my bit here.

Well, you're certainly very well thought of.

I hope so.

I love my singsongs and pensioners' lunch club.

And my Wednesday whist drives, you should come.

Thank you.

So you do all this voluntarily?

It's a labour of love.

But how do you cover your expenses?

The solicitors have been providing me

with a little allowance for looking after the cats.

Just enough to cover the bills.

But obviously that's stopped.

So things are a little tight.

But something will turn up, it always does.

Well, look at the time and I haven't even packed up yet.

Let me give you a hand.

No need for that.

No, no, no, I insist.

I was spending so much time humping my equipment around

that they let me have a cupboard.

That was kind of them.

Just pop it there, I'll see to it.

Oh, well thanks for your help.

Thanks for your time.

And don't forget Wednesday whist, you'd be very welcome.

Mr and mrs baker are not at the pet shop.

Apparently, we can find them at the London cat extravaganza.

You are joking?

Brilliant, can I come?

You hate cats!

How many times, know thy enemy.

[Upbeat music]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I remind you

to please keep all aisles clear of travel cases.

You can't come in here you're allergic.

It's all right, I've taken an antihistamine.

Might be a bit sneezy,

but it should prevent a full respiratory collapse.

That's a comfort.

Don't these people have jobs?

Or lives, for that matter.

I'll catch up with you later.

Ok.

Hello, Caroline.

Oh, what do you want?

Can we have a word?

Now, I'm busy.

Yes, so are we.

Well, I'm sorry, but the judges are here.

Look please this is Pearl beauty rising sun's big year.

She's up for best in show, I just need ten minutes, please.

- Ok. - Yeah, we'll get a coffee.

If we can find one without cat hair in it.

[Murmuring]

Bless you.

- Can I help? - I hope so.

I'm looking for something for my dog.

It's ok, not everyone's anti-canine here, how can I help?

Well, it's herbal tablets,

supposed to help with discipline problems.

I know what you mean, doggy ritalin.

It's great, it's not licenced in this country, though.

Never mind, thanks anyway.

I've got a contact who might be able to help.

Oh, yeah?

Give me a call tomorrow, I'll sort you out.

Thanks, Peter.

See you soon.

- Well done, rameses. - You're such a star.

- You won. - Came 2nd.

Oh dear, I'm sorry darling.

I really thought we'd done enough this time.

There's always next year.

Well if you're over your little disappointment,

I wonder if we might have that talk?

Yes, what do you need to know?

We've spoken to Harry.

Now he says he was away on business

at the time of your aunt's death.

Probably, he was always jetting off somewhere.

The only time we saw each other was at aunt Dorothy's.

And then he'd always be snapping at Dale

or moaning about all the cats.

You see what I don't understand Caroline,

is why it took two weeks to discover her.

Why didn't you go and visit her?

We had an argument.

About the will?

No, about me.

She resented our relationship.

Why?

She just kept sniping at me,

saying I wouldn't amount to anything.

I lost my Patience one day

I told her I never wanted to see her again.

I didn't know that that's exactly what would happen.

She could be so unreasonable.

But she didn't deserve to die all alone.

She pushed everybody away,

it's not your fault, sweetheart.

She even sacked Dale.

[Ominous music]

If Dale really had been working

on getting his feet under Dorothy's table,

then he wouldn't have been very pleased when she gave him

the push just before his holidays would he.

No well, he'd have the motive, but what about opportunity?

He was catching a flight, remember?

Is that your best card?

Oh, sorry, I wasn't concentrating.

Thank you very much.

Dale had a key so he could have killed her at any time.

Perhaps on his way to the airport.

Then all he had to work on for the next two weeks

was his tan and his alibi.

That wouldn't have been an impulse killing

because he'd been sacked.

Be more your well organised, cold-blooded job.

Well maybe he had it planned all along.

He'd got her to change the will.

Now all he had to do was bump her off.

It would be very hard to prove.

Perhaps...

Thank you very much indeed.

That's another hand to Brian and myself.

Yay!

Excuse me could someone tell me, why are we playing whist?

It's an old woman's game.

Which makes it highly appropriate from where I'm sitting.

I just wanted to remind myself of the rules.

It's a good game, nice and gentle.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Have you asked him yet?

Asked him what?

Who he's leaving it all to.

No!

I don't know, could be the widow and orphans' fund

for all I care, he hasn't got any family, has he?

No, but what if his circumstances have changed?

How do you mean?

A woman.

Bollocks!

Don't be so bloody stupid!

Now there's a sight to gladden a man's heart.

I am not in the mood, your dog's been at it again.

He's had everything out of the kitchen bin

all over the floor.

Oh, scampi, why do you do it?

Maybe he smelt bacon rind after breakfast.

Well, he must have been hungry then.

Hungry, the way you spoil him?

He's going to have to go.

I've seen that woman again.

She's desperate for a nice family pet.

It's for his own good.

Rubbish!

You've had it in for my dog ever since Gerry gave him to me.

Oh, he's your dog, is he?

He's our dog whenever his mess needs cleaning up.

Hang on we didn't have bacon for breakfast, we had muesli.

And anyway, you always throw the rind out for the birds.

Excuse me, you're not at work now.

You put it there deliberately, didn't you?

I know a fit-up when I see one.

I'm ashamed of you, Esther.

Well, what am I supposed to do, he's running us ragged.

When are you going to realise we're too old for all this?

Don't say that, don't you dare say that!

No.

I daren't leave him alone with her.

She's a desperate woman.

So will I be if you bring that bloody dog in here.

If it's not house-trained, then it's not office-friendly.

Gerry hurry up, I want to talk to Harry hepple at home.

Yeah all right, where's Jack this morning?

He's gone to see someone called Betty.

Has he?

Ooh, I like his style.

On the job while on the job, I told you there was a woman.

She's helping him with his enquiries.

You're gonna have to stop obsessing about Jack's will,

it's obviously a very sensitive issue.

I don't see why.

How about I give you the third degree about your will?

My arrangements are very simple.

Oh yes, leaving it all to a good cause?

Listen, when you've got three ex-wives

and a bunch of kids, you are the good cause.

Come on!

Well let me drive, 'cos we're gonna get there

a lot quicker, aren't we?

Not necessarily...

Hello, what are you doing here?

One of your chaps called me in, I don't know what for.

Which chap?

Good you're here, now in you come.

- Brian Lane. - Brian.

He's helping me with my enquiries.

What enquiries?

You'll see, I've had an idea.

I hate it when he has ideas, makes me very nervous.

I want to talk to you about your specialist subject, cats.

Ok.

Now, Dorothy had over 30 cats stuffed into that house.

Do you think they could have turned violent en masse?

You mean like a hunting pack?

That's it.

No, not really.

Let me show you something.

His owner reckons he was attacked by cats.

No, a cat didn't kill this dog.

So what did?

I'm not sure.

Judging by the wounds, I'd say a large dog.

Certainly as big as a doberman,

but definitely not a common or garden moggie.

[Woman] Yes.

Hello, could we speak to Harry hepple, please?

[Woman] Oh, for god's sakes!

I'm not going to tell you lot again.

Harry hepple doesn't live here any more.

If one more bloody bailiff comes to this door.

We're not bailiffs, i'm detective superintendent Pullman,

this is Gerry standing.

Harry hepple told us he lived here.

Told you, the man that ruined my life.

Thanks to him this address is a credit black spot.

Ten years I've been here and I still get

a couple of calls a week from people looking for him.

If you know how to get hold of him...

Could you tell us where we could find...

Er... guv'nor?

Thank you.

What can I get you?

A latte and an explanation, please.

I was let go from the bank at the beginning of '95.

What for?

I'd had a pretty meteoric rise.

But the higher you get, the harder it is to keep excelling.

The hours get longer, the pressure gets higher,

targets unobtainable, I burned out.

Everything started to slip.

When I got called in to see the boss I knew what was coming.

Why didn't you tell anyone?

Because I still thought I could stage a comeback.

Even when my phone was being cut off,

my house was being repossessed.

It wasn't until I came home to find

the locks had been changed...

That's what pushed me over the edge.

You had a nervous breakdown.

Where were you when you were supposed to be in Singapore?

Milford grange psychiatric hospital under heavy sedation.

Which means I could barely get out of bed,

let alone murder my aunt.

Why didn't you tell us this before?

I was too ashamed.

So ashamed that you'd rather be thought of

as a suspect than let anyone know?

You don't understand.

If you work in finance, you see plenty of people go under.

You just never think it's going to be you,

that you could be so weak.

You weren't weak, you were ill.

The only weak thing you did was not talk to your family.

You should tell them what you've been through,

especially Caroline.

It's lovely to have a visitor.

We don't get many these days.

Lillian, this is mr halford, he's friends with Dale.

He wants to ask some questions.

That's probably as much as we'll get from her today.

So how long have you ladies known Dale?

Ages, everyone knows Dale.

How long has he been coming here?

I suppose since lil had her stroke.

He's been a rock, he really has.

And he won't take anything for his trouble either.

You offered him money?

Of course I did.

Even if it was to pay for his petrol

when he's been running me around, wouldn't take a penny.

But I've got a plan.

Oh, really?

That'll be him now.

Only me!

Look at this, a party.

Now I've just been telling your friend

that you are a naughty boy, Dale.

Really?

I've been telling him how I keep offering money,

and you keep insulting me by turning it down.

And as I've told you before, it's me that's insulted.

Well, I've decided something.

I want you to take the breakfast set.

Breakfast set?

Dale admired it the first day he came.

His old mum used to have one just like it.

It brought back lovely memories seeing it.

But I really can't accept it.

Of course you can, can't he, Lillian?

Well, if you absolutely insist.

Come on, let's get a box.

[Upbeat music]

Keep a lookout.

[Grunting]

Very nice.

Bloody hell!

Well what am I supposed to do with it?

- Sorry mate, sorry. - Thanks a bunch, mate!

Hi there, do you often do business around here?

I've got the shop, but there's certain items

I don't like to keep there, there you go.

Oh, at, hang on, the instructions are...

In Spanish, that's ok I got a translation.

Just give one to your dog every night after his tea.

Smashing.

So, what do I owe you?

50 quid.

How much?

Well, they are imported.

There we go 50 quid.

So if I want anything else, you'd be the bloke to see?

You've got my number.

What's in the box?

Nothing.

Do you have other animal interests?

Depends.

- Have a look at this. - [Ominous music]

Oh it's lovely.

It's going begging.

It was for that bloke but he changed his mind

when he realised it needed looking after.

No?

That wouldn't be a problem for you, would it?

You go the extra mile for your pets.

Well...

So what do you think?

Go on, I'll take it.

Excellent, that'll be 200 quid, please.

- What? - 150.

I thought I was doing you a favour.

How much have you got?

- 80. - Done.

Lost something?

Don't you need a search warrant to do this?

That or permission from the owner of the building.

And as you don't own the community centre...

Look, I'm not a thief, these are gifts.

You've seen it with your own eyes, mr halford.

All I've seen is a thieving little toerag

who worms his way into old ladies' lives,

so that he can help himself to anything he fancies.

Do you know how much this breakfast set is worth?

I've no idea.

Of course you have, don't give me that.

It's Clarice cliff from the '20s

complete set, good condition,

Betty must have looked after it.

How much?

In auction I'd be looking

for at least three grand, maybe four.

Think what Betty and Lillian could have done with that.

Well, if they're stupid enough.

You bastard.

Oh, save it you can't arrest me, I haven't broken the law.

My ladies handed over their stuff

with smiles on their faces.

Dorothy was different, though.

She was the big one, wasn't she, she must have been.

You spent months making yourself indispensable.

So you put all that work in and then

just at the crucial moment Dorothy sacked you.

That must have made you crazy.

She didn't even write me one of her little notes.

Instead she sent round toady little Peter

to do her dirty work!

Peter baker?

He told me my services were no longer needed

and refused to say why.

So I thought, sod it! I'll drown my sorrows

in Spanish Brandy and suntan lotion."

And you didn't stop on the way and have it out with her?

I was going to sort it out when I got back.

Go round with a straw donkey and an apology.

That would have been enough?

It always had been before.

You've seen me work, and it is bloody hard work!

Listening to the old dears banging on about

rationing and mangles!

Handing out the hankies when they get all

sniffley about their dear departed.

It'd be easier to smack 'em over the head,

but that's just not what I do.

Now, if that's it, I've got a whist drive to run.

I don't think you have.

No wonder Dorothy preferred cats to people.

She was surrounded by liars, Dale, Harry.

Yeah but neither of them were murderers.

Yeah well, we're not finished yet.

There's still Caroline, Peter, we'll get there.

And then you'll have to find another excuse.

For what?

Come on Jack, for not signing your will.

- Why are you putting it off? - [Ominous music]

Well, I'm certainly not planning

to leave it all to my new girlfriend.

Oh, you heard?

Anyway, it's none of our business.

When Mary died,

there seemed to be nothing to do except paperwork.

I had to take her name off everything,

joint accounts, bills, deeds, insurance...

Oh, it just went on.

And now the only thing left with her name on is my will.

When I sign the new one, I'll sign her away.

Come on, buy me a drink!

Listen to this, Tim cuswell's incident log from the 8th.

10:14, Peter baker arrives

and parks in the street blocking access to my drive.

10:32pm, Peter baker departs after excessive engine-revving.

So what's Peter baker up to?

Everyone needs a hobby, mine is smoking.

[Upbeat music]

- Just popping out, guv'nor. - Your funeral.

Brian!

What's that?

Phelsuma madagascariensis grandis.

A giant Madagascar day gecko, she's called boudicca.

And should it be here?

Well, no, as the name suggests she should be in the

humid environs of the Madagascar jungle.

Then what's it doing on my desk?

Well, she needs constant temperature.

And our office is full of draughts.

How does it feel about water?

I mean, can it swim?

Do you know, I've no idea.

Why don't we find out?

I'm just about to go to the ladies'.

You can't do that, it's evidence.

Well then, maybe we should bag her up.

Oh, look, you've frightened her, coo-ee, good girl.

Is that you, Brian?

Yes it is, love, but I'm not stopping.

Now listen, this is just temporary.

I'm putting dinner on the table in a minute.

I won't be long.

Listen, can you give scampi one of these with his tea?

I'll see you.

Bri...

[Soft music]

He said he'd cracked the case

and could we meet him here with an open mind.

An open mind, now I'm really worried.

- Morning. - Morning!

I'm glad you could make it.

Look, can we just get on?

So...

We've ruled out Harry and Dale as suspects.

Leaving cuswell, Peter and Caroline, we know that.

Just get to the point.

Right, now as we know, the day after Dorothy died,

cuswell's dog boycott was attacked.

By the cats.

No, actually, by a large unidentified mammal,

and our new suspect.

- He's gone again. - Obviously.

Now, the day before Dorothy died mr cuswell

logged three separate visits from Peter baker,

on his own.

I thought Dorothy loathed Peter.

Why would he come here on his own?

Well not just for a visit, that's for sure.

On each separate occasion he was seen to unload

certain items into this shed.

Come and have a look.

Here this sound-proofed and fortified shed.

- Bless you! - Thank you.

Now look at this wall and this door.

Good lord!

Peter baker's always bragging about his contacts.

And how he can get hold of anything pet-wise.

So how about a big cat, say a lynx or an ocelot.

You're joking.

I've never been more serious.

Exotic animals are big money.

I think Peter went for the the big payday.

And realised he'd bitten off more than he could chew.

'Cause the cat escaped,

and took a lump out of boycott as he went.

What do you think?

I think the cps will laugh me out of a job

if I bring this to them.

It's all perfectly logical.

Physical evidence, Brian.

Good, I knew it would come in handy.

Why does it have to be my desk?

Put some newspaper down.

How long was he collecting these for?

Years, look at the labels.

Wait!

We're only interested in the ones from February '96.

Oh well, that's something, I suppose.

Are you sure you can tell the difference?

When you've stepped in

as many of these as I have, yeah you know.

Right, here we go.

Yeah, that's a cat, domestic cat.

Here's a cat that needed more roughage in its diet.

Cat.

Hello, well that's neither cat nor fox.

And I'm pretty certain it's not a dog.

I'd have to send it to the lab

to be more specific than that but

I think we've got a winner here.

Peter baker, I'm arresting you under suspicion...

Peter, Peter, what's going on?

What's happening?

It's locked.

Come on Peter, you're not doing yourself any favours.

[Birds chirping]

What's he doing?

Ok!

Stay with her.

Peter baker!

I'm arresting you under suspicion

of the murder of Dorothy hepple.

You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence

if you do not mention when questioned

something you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may be taken in evidence.

Peter?

I'm sorry, Caroline.

I didn't realise how strong it would be

or the noise it would make,

I only ever brought in small animals.

When it woke up in the shed it went mental,

throwing itself against the walls.

Is that when Dorothy came out?

I was trying to hold the door shut

when she surprised me, next thing it was out.

It knocked her to the ground.

She was screaming at me, someone was gonna hear.

You only had to cough and cuswell was around, complaining.

I put my hands over her mouth and eventually she went quiet.

Yeah, 'cause she was dead.

It was an accident.

No, no, it ceased to be an accident

the moment you decided to cover your tracks

by dragging Dorothy into the house leaving the cats...

No, that was my idea.

Don't listen to her, it was my fault.

But that's not true.

It was me that got the cats inside

and shut the kitchen window.

It was me that locked the door and drew the curtains.

I didn't want to be alone again.

And if Peter had admitted that that's what he'd done,

they'd have taken him away from me.

We didn't do it for the house or for the money.

We did it so we could stay together.

[Soft music]

That was Liam.

The lab confirmed that the scat sample was from a big cat.

He sounded quite excited.

Of course, they've been trying to prove

the existence of the UK big cat for years.

We've just given them the evidence.

No, you did.

That was an amazing bit of detective work Brian, well done.

Oh, any of you could have put it together.

No, we're sane.

So who do you reckon is gonna get the hepple fortune now?

None of them hopefully, they're all liars and cheats.

Just a normal family, then.

Right, who's ready for a drink?

You'd better count me out.

I've got an appointment with Jonathan blunt.

Are you going to sign?

Yeah, I think so.

Do you want a witness to make sure you do?

No thank you anyway, beneficiaries can't be witnesses.

- [Screaming] - [Upbeat music]

Brian!

Esther!

What you doing?

I lifted the towel and that was...

Oh, no!

Don't panic.

Is it poisonous?

I don't know, it's probably just somebody's pet.

I don't care what it is, just get rid of it!

Get rid of it, get rid of it!

Scampi, here!

And as for you, murderer.

♪ It's all right, it's ok ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if you're old and grey ♪

♪ it's all right, I say, it's ok ♪

♪ listen to what I say ♪

♪ it's all right, doing fine ♪

♪ doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine ♪

♪ it's all right, I say, it's ok ♪

♪ we're getting to the end of the day ♪

♪ high tech, low tech, take your pick ♪

♪ 'cause you can't teach an old dog a brand-new trick ♪

♪ I don't care what anybody says ♪

♪ at the end of the day ♪

[Upbeat music]