Original subtitles

It's recording right now.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I was thinking, at the beginning of the movie,

we could have--

I was missing people who were--

They're setting up and they're--

You know, they're just doing their thing.

Where do you want me during that?

Hi, I'm Regina, and I'm an addict.

Hi, Regina.

As many of you know, a year ago, my ex-boyfriend

needed a place to crash 'cause of his spleen surgery.

And I let him move back in,

outta the kindness of my own heart.

But two months in, the aforementioned dirtbag

kicked me outta my own place

and took my little dog, Parranda.

Yo, I love that dog so fucking much.

Yo, and it's all true.

I even remember the day that he kicked her out.

Hi, Regina.

Yo.

He, uh...

he evicted me from my own apartment.

And he took my dog, Parranda.

So I got high.

And I know we're supposed to say,

"no matter what, we don't use,"

but this was not in my realm of no-matter-whats.

- Oh. Oh, my God. - I know.

- I'm so sorry, yo. - Thanks.

- Can I give ya a hug? - Yeah, sure.

In case it isn't totally clear, that's me, Dev,

and I'm absolutely in love with this woman.

No one is ever gonna come between us.

After that, she managed to fit in her deadbeat boyfriend,

that fuckin' dog,

and high theater in every one of her shares.

As many of y'all know-- 11 months ago--

Seven months back-- About a year ago today--

My ex-boyfriend piece of shit-- Oh, that piece of shit--

Fuckin' piece of shit-- Piece of shit--

Just manipulates people and uses them

for their fucking convenience. Russell, though--

Decided to kick me out of my own apartment.

After I opened my arms and my house--

'Cause of his spleen surgery or some shit.

His bum-ass spleen surgery. And what the fuck is a spleen?

He kicked me out and took my dog, Parranda.

Parranda was how I proved that I could stay clean.

If I could take care of him, I knew I was recovering.

Yo. In case you didn't know,

this is a meeting for addicts in recovery.

What she's doing right now is called...

You share until the time is up.

Meetings happen all the time in all sorts of places.

Once you've been to a few meetings,

try to get two things, a Higher Power and a sponsor.

A sponsor is like your guide.

Once you've been in the program for a while,

you might sponsor some people yourself.

Get a few "sponsees" of your own.

Your Higher Power could be anything--

God, Buddha, dogs, a fuckin' doorknob.

If there is a Higher Power,

it definitely brought me and Regina together.

The people in these rooms, honestly, they saved my life,

and they'd do anything for me.

And I'd honestly do anything for them.

And this guy--

Hey.

- What? - I love you.

Okay.

Hey, I said I fuckin' love you, asshole.

- Okay. - Say it back.

You're my boy.

Hey, fuck, wait, no, say "I love you."

I, I...I appreciate you.

He's been with me since Day One.

When I had one day clean, he had two.

We've been fuckin' inseparable since.

You know, what I really wanna do...

is kill Russell.

You know, I do have a confession to make, though.

I got a gun. It was a gift, though.

It's not like I went and bought it.

It was given to me. But it felt so good shooting it.

And all I was thinking about was Russell, yo,

about shooting him with that fucking gun.

I literally dream about it.

I have so many ways in my head. I could fuck up his tires.

Or I could just poison him, kill him in his sleep.

It's all I can think about, is wiping him out.

Seriously.

That's what he deserves.

Wanna go back to my own fuckin' apartment,

get my fuckin' dog back and kill him.

Yeah, but...

"Instead, I pray for Russell."

I pray for him.

Higher Power, by your will, not mine...

I pray this motherfucker gets everything he wants,

everything he needs in life.

That's what the fuck I pray for.

He'll die in God's time. Just die in God's time.

He will die in God's time. He'll die in God's--

God's time. What the fuck is God's time?

God's time. God will take care of it.

I have faith he'll die in God's fucking time.

Oh, and let's just get one thing straight, alright?

I am not the hero of this story.

I'm not the superhero, okay? Whaddya want?

You want me to blaze down Fifth Avenue in a costume,

jammin' to my own fuckin' theme song?

♪ Oh, my

♪ Oh, oh, oh, my

♪ Oh, oh, oh, my

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Oh, my

♪ Yes, it is

♪ This is the moment of my life ♪

♪ This is, this is, this is it ♪

I'm so fuckin' lucky, Rico.

You have reached Dev's phone.

Uh, I'm not here to get it right now,

but that does not mean that I do not care.

Yo!

Guess who?

It's me. It's 8-fucking-15!

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna go with me

What's up, my guy? What's happenin', man?

What's happening, king? What?

Why the long face? - Whatever.

We got a little bit of time to go, okay?

We got a lot to do. - Yeah, we got a lot to do.

Alright, yeah. I'm sorry, bro.

I got a little-- teeny little dust-up.

Saw this guy, bro, on a historic nod.

No lie, he was doing a downward dog with no hands.

He needed my help. - He needed your help?

- Yeah, he needed my help, bro! - Really?

Why? - Well, as fate would have it,

this dude goes down like a fuckin' shit ton of bricks.

Hits his head, the blood's spurtin' everywhere.

And all these idiots on Fifth Avenue,

they got no idea what to do. They're, "Oh! The blood!"

So I'm just there, just trying to staunch the bleeding.

But, you know, he's pissed.

But this is what matters, you know, connections...

connecting with people on the street.

Vibing.

So this big crowd saw you save this guy's life?

Oh, yeah. Huge. Huge crowd, bro.

Massive. Yeah. Yeah. - Wow. Eventful morning.

And they gave me a medal. I didn't even know they do that,

for just random acts of good Samaritan stuff, you know?

But what if, bro? Okay, what if?

What if this guy actually needed my help

and I hadn't stopped to help him?

Honestly, he probably didn't need it.

So I'm a bad guy?

I'm a bad guy for doing the right thing?

Luca? I'm a good guy!

You're not a good guy... today.

I mean, this is not good. What the fuck is this, man?

She told you, you gotta cut your hair.

You didn't do the one thing the casting lady said you gotta do.

There's gonna be hundreds of people going for this role.

Don't you think they're gonna look like firefighters?

Look at him. Look at him!

He's so fuckin' disappointed.

Back in the day, I actually used to get fucked up all the time.

And back then, I was actually late to everything.

I was actually a bad guy who did actual bad things,

okay, all the time.

But today, I have changed. Alright? I'm a good guy now.

I do things for the right reason.

So I'm so fuckin' sorry

if I'm five fuckin' minutes late to this.

I'm grateful for you. - You're welcome.

Can we go to the park and rehearse now?

I've been waiting to go to the park!

I'm excited to go to the park!

- I'm so fuckin' lucky, Rico. - Why's that, Donny?

'Cause I got great friends.

I got you, I got the boys in the firehouse,

and I got Nicole.

What? What is that face, bro?

I'm not making a face, bro.

- You're making the face. - Weird flavor.

And you know what? The boys at the firehouse,

they finally let me in on what B-A-N means.

No fuckin' way! No matter the call--

- Even a real nasty job... - Even if we ain't got no gear.

Bust in and save each other.

- Butt Ass Naked! - Butt Ass Naked!

There's no way we are getting a callback for this fucking movie.

I mean, look at him.

You really, really got me, right?

Look at me. Do I look like Rico,

the veteran firefighter from Staten Island to you?

No, I don't.

I look like Dev.

I look like fuckin' Gollum with more hair.

You sure I can trust you?

What? - Nothin'. Nothin'.

I, uh... - Your line is just,

"What are you on about--" - Oh, fuck, fuck.

It's the guy. - What are you talking about?

The guy who's been chasin' me, man.

- What guy? - Just chill the fuck out.

The guy who wants me dead, bro.

- What fucking guy? - He came here to kill me.

I can't even fucking follow these threads in your life,

you motherfucker.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Hi, family, I'm Maria and I'm an addict.

- Hi, Maria. - Hi, Maria.

I haven't lost someone like that in a long time.

A long time.

I used to come home to her every fuckin' day.

She would always be there for me.

Like, she knew not to be wandering around

when I come home.

She'd be waiting right there with her crazy teeth,

and she'd look at me.

Amazing, you know?

- Bro, was this about his cat? - Shh.

- Hey! - Shut the fuck up!

She was my ride or die.

Yeah, I just feel grateful that my Higher Power,

which I choose to call God,

has kept me clean through all this.

You know, I feel-- I feel, uh, mad-blessed.

You know?

Yeah, um...

Thanks for letting me share, y'all.

Thanks for sharing.

Yeah.

- Dev, addict. - Hey, Dev.

Thanks for sharing.

I actually remember the day that my dog passed on.

My parents told me that he passed away really peacefully,

stretched out on the lawn in some type of medicated haze.

But the truth is, this dog did not die peacefully.

Actually, "peaceful" would probably be

the furthest from the truth.

He was high as shit on benzos and phenobarbital,

whatever the fuck he found

at the bottom of the trash can,

tripped, fell, and landed in our pool

and was unable to make it out.

He had a sailor's grave.

I'm sorry.

I know this is fucked-up, alright?

Like, I know dogs and cats-- your beautiful cat's

probably in the arms of fuckin' angels right now.

But I'm so tired of hearing about this idea

of a conscious Higher Power, right?

A conscious God.

And "the rooms"-- Of course, they've got a solution.

They got a solution for everything.

They got a little corny saying.

"Well, if you don't believe in God,"

let these rooms be your Higher Power.

Let the people in these rooms..."

Yo, at least you could take care of your cat, Anthony.

At least you could be there for her.

I know I said all that shit was corny, but it's true.

You guys are my Higher Power.

Russ, can you just fuckin' listen to me?

It's just a quick trip outta town

to take care of my abuelo.

Okay?

Please?

I promise to bring Parranda back in one piece.

Come on, it'll be good for him. It'll be good for him

to get some fresh air back in Puerto Plata.

Think about it.

Are you high right now?

No, I'm not fucking high right now!

Are you kidding me?

Are you serious-- I'm in a meeting right now, bro.

I got seven months clean, alright?

I'm doing the fuckin' work!

I'm workin' steps with Michelle and everything.

Please just--

Russ, come on, work with me.

Hello?

I'm really excited about this, um, callback

that I have today.

It's... It's, like, a real part.

You know? And...

I told myself that if I didn't get things, like, going

with my acting career by the end of this year,

I was gonna quit.

So, I'm feeling...

Uh...

I'm feeling...

Nervous?

No.

No, I mean, I feel like I got it,

you know, I got this, so...

thanks for letting me share.

Thanks for sharing.

You know, in this concept of "shares,"

there are some that are naturally talented.

There are some for which greatness is thrust upon them.

And there're some who, you know,

they're getting there,

and they will get there.

Maybe.

Alright, well, we got time.

Does anybody else wanna go?

Go 'head, baby.

- Regina, addict. - Hi, Regina.

First of all, thank you for your shares.

You know, I do a lot of shit to deal with my anger issues.

I come to these meetings, I share,

I get real, honest.

I lie.

I put holes in the wall.

I scream at my mother.

I fight with my brothers.

None of it is enough.

I still don't feel clean.

I'm still alone, with no real friends.

And a lot of rage.

All I wanna do is fuckin' get all my shit back, all of it.

That's what these feet tell me to do right now.

So you know what?

I'm gonna kill him.

That's it. Thanks.

- Thanks for sharing. - That's it?

Bro, she didn't say, "God's time."

She didn't say, "God's time." - What?

- She didn't say, "God's time!" - Shut up.

Yo.

Yo, she always shares the same fuckin' thing

at every meeting, right?

10 out of 10 times, fuckin' 7 days a week,

9:00 a.m. on the dot, she says, "I wanna kill him.

I wanna kill him.

But I won't. I will pray for him.

I will pray that he will die in God's time."

- God's time. -"God's time.

"I pray that he will die in God's fucking time."

- In God's fucking time! - She didn't say that.

She didn't say that, and yet everybody in here

seems to be just fuckin' chillin'.

Get up! Uhh! Wait.

She said it. She said exactly what she said.

I don't need to look deeply into it.

She just said, "I'm gonna kill Russell.

That's it. You're gonna fuckin' kill Russell.

She's gonna fuckin' kill Russell! Fuck!

Regina.

Regina! Hey!

You okay? - I'm fine.

- You sure? - I'm fine.

Oh, you don't look like your normal angelic self.

I'm serene. Clean and serene, baby.

You look like you're in a dark spot.

Like you're going to a dark place--

Mi amor, listen. I'm going to a good place.

Okay? Like one of them Elysian Fields,

rolling hills, horny fauns and fountains and shit.

You like that, right? - Hey-hey, wait, wait!

Hey! Sorry.

Yo, I...I just don't want you

to take your will back in your own hands. Okay?

I don't want you to do something you'd regret.

What the-- Dev, Jesus!

Hurt someone else. So it's like--

I'm just going to D-R, okay?

Just to get away from all my shit here.

But that's our little secret, okay?

Okay.

Shit!

Fuck. Regina!

Regina! Regina!

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hey, Luca. - What's goin' on?

Something going on with Regina.

- Relax. - Yeah, we need to do something.

We need to find her.

She just fuckin' disappeared into thin air.

All we gotta do is we gotta rehearse and cut your hair.

She said she was gonna kill somebody.

That's how she finished her share.

Have you ever heard her say that before? Tell me, huh?

Um, I haven't.

But I've heard you share your dead dog story

eight different fuckin' ways,

and I think, just 'cause you got a crush on her,

maybe you're reading too much into it.

What? Bro, I don't-- It's not about a crush, okay?

I think maybe you're getting a little--

What?

I just mean, Regina, she says shit.

She gets excited, that's all.

Bro, I'm not supposed to tell anyone this,

but I'm gonna tell you, alright, because I trust you.

She told me she's leaving town tomorrow.

She-- She's not leaving town.

She would tell-- She's not just gonna leave town,

not without saying anything.

You know what?

Okay.

Hey, Maria, how's it going?

I just was wondering if you happened

to have Regina's number.

Of course I have her number.

But why?

Well, she-- It's serious.

- Luca, you know about this? - Know about what?

Baby, if you want those digits,

you're gonna have to ask her yourself,

just like every other boy who's chasing her tail.

Oh, I don't know if I can actually do that

because she's leaving town tomorrow.

She is not leaving town. What are you talking about?

Maria, what if I told you someone was in danger,

and you giving me this information

can help save someone's life? - Okay. Whose life?

Who's relapsing? - No one's relapsing.

You know in her share, right, she always says,

"I pray that Russell will die in..."

She didn't say that.

So I think she's gonna take her gun and murder him.

Sweetheart, she was just sharing.

God, people share to grow, to vent,

to hear the sound of their own voice.

And anyway, where would she get a gun?

How would she get a gun?

You know how difficult it is to get a gun in this city?

You know what? You're right.

Gotta be honest with you.

Told a little lie back there, told a little fib.

I'm sorry for that.

But the truth is, there is something secret,

something secret that's actually very, very wrong.

Somebody relapsed. - Who? Regina?

- Her sponsee. - Carly?

Yeah. Carly relapsed.

Regina doesn't know yet, so, just wanna tell her.

How do you know? Who you playin' telephone with?

Carly's actually Luca's cousin.

He heard from the family there's real struggles--

- Who's struggling? - No one's struggling!

...relapsing now...

Whoa. Alright, now stop. Regina's not relapsing.

No, no, this is what I'm talking about.

All of a sudden, Regina's sponsee hears

that people think that she relapsed and then bang-bang,

there's her excuse, there's a real relapse,

there's the danger. So yeah, basta, no more of this

"Regina relapsing or leaving town."

- Okay.

Who's this-- Santo Domingo? What's that?

What are you-- Is she okay? She's leaving town?

You said, her grandpa--

See?! I'm the liar.

This-- This is gossip. - Alright, shut up.

Look, if you'd just, literally, give us her phone number,

we'll be out of your hair. It's okay.

Luca, if Regi is leaving town and Carly needs her help,

then I'll give you clowns the number, okay?

Um, well, if Dev could give Regina a call,

then maybe we could stop someone from doing something stupid.

Okay, well, get a pen. I don't have a pen.

Honestly, tellin' 'em that Carly's my cousin

and she relapsed, that she relapsed?

That's fucked up, bro.

I did it for a good reason, okay, bro? It was noble.

Fuck. Phone's dead. Yo. Can I get your phone?

- No, I'm texting. Hey! - Step the fuck back!

No, I will break this relic in half, motherfucker!

I will fuckin' destroy it.

- Alright, fuck, Jesus. - I swear to God.

We're doing something together. We're trying to save somebody.

I might've lied, but I lied for a good reason. Okay?

Call me a fuckin' hipster with this typewriter

strapped around your waist.

Wait, you have her number? You have her fuckin' number?

Why'd you make me look like such a fucking idiot

if you had her number, bro? - What? Nah, I don't--

"Nah?" It's right here, dude! It's saved. "Regina."

Oh. Nah, I don't know if that's her.

- You text her? - No.

You fuckin' text her? He texts her?

Bro, I don't think I texted with that.

I mean, maybe we texted once or something, but I don't--

Hey, Regina, it's Dev.

I know you were expecting Luca, but it's me.

Don't kill Russell. Bye. - What? Dude.

Dude, don't "What? Dude" me, bro.

Why would you fuckin' make me stand up there

like a fuckin' clown, bro?! - Alright.

Okay, alright, I'm sorry. - You made me lie to Maria,

of all these elders in the fuckin' community!

Spit my fuckin' mouth out!

Bro! Why couldn't you just tell me the truth?

Why was that so hard to tell me that you knew the phone?

I knew I had it. I just didn't want you freakin' out.

Oh! You didn't want me freakin' out.

Well, guess what? I'm freakin' the fuck out!

I know. I'm sorry. Whaddya wanna do?

I can't rehearse. I'll tell ya that much.

I cannot work on this fuckin' rehearsal

until I know she's okay.

Fine. Let's go check on her, then.

What do you mean, "check on her"?

She's not answering her phone. How are we gonna check on her?

I don't know where the fuck she is.

- I know where she works, okay? - You know where she works?

Why do you know where she works? - I gave her a ride once.

- Where's she work? - Upper Westside.

What is she doing on the Upper Westside?

She's a life coach or some shit.

What the fuck is "life-coaching"?

Let's fucking go!

Yo, bro, you can't fuckin' park here, man.

Let's go! Fuckin' go!

Where you from? I got it, I got it, Shawn. He's fine.

Come on, she's up there. Check on her.

Shouldn't we both go up?

No, I'm not gonna interrupt Regina

while she's life-coaching. No.

Come on, you gotta be smarter than that, man.

- I'm writing it down. - And this wife of yours,

I'll tell ya this much, she's not making you happy.

I know. I'm prioritizing.

- Hello? - Hello?

- Lui? What is it? - Yeah.

Why didn't you pick up earlier? Today is a very important day.

- What? I was busy. - I gotta focus on my audition.

Can you just tell me-- - Why are you on my ass?

Can you just answer me one question?

Are you leaving town?

Lui, I'm fine. Okay? It's all good.

Okay, but that's not an answer, "It's all good."

Alright, ya, Lui. Ya, ya, ya.

We're not in one of your acting classes, okay?

What about my acting class?

We're not in one of your acting classes

your big brother pays for.

Ya, that's it! - Yeah, you love my acting.

Come on. You love my acting.

You know you love my acting. You love how I act.

Can you fucking answer my question, though, please?

Just, quickly, are you leaving? - I gotta go.

I'm at work.

What's that? What, are you doing blow right now?

It's all good, babe. I'm at work.

I gotta go. I gotta go.

- Come on. - What the fuck are you doing?

Here, hold this. And listen to me.

For once in your fuckin' life, shut your mouth, okay?

Goddamn it, Robert, I am so sorry I'm late.

- Oh, hey, hey, hey. - How are you?

- Who are you here to see? - I'm here to see Mr. Goldstein.

You're new, right? - Uh, yes?

Yeah. Okay. So I am Mr. Goldstein's Shabbos goy.

Hey, pay attention. We gotta go.

- Mr. Goldstein in 17-C. - What?

I can't call him 'cause of the Shabbos.

Hello, who's there? Not Mr. G.

It's the Sabbath. - Shabba what?

Wait, what does that mean? Stop.

On the Sabbath, Jews, Jews like these kind of Jews,

they can't push buttons or do stuff,

so they get a gentile, a non-Jew,

a goy, to do that stuff for them.

- Hey! - It's okay. Come on.

Bro, I'm gonna get fired if I do this.

Sorry, but, um...

isn't the Sabbath on a Friday and Sat-- and Saturday?

Yeah. But Mr. Goldstein is extremely observant.

He follows the lunar calendar. He won't even open the door.

So that's what you're doing here.

- Tight-tight-tight-tight-tight. - Yeah.

And he's with you? Who's he?

That's my assistant, Manuel.

Yo.

Hey, Manuel. I'm sorry.

Hola, Manuel.

Hola, Robert.

Manuel?

Thanks for your help and blessings onto you.

Now, please.

That was some fucking acting, bro.

How do you know all that shit?

Remember Hanna, the Hasidic girl?

Yeah.

Um, the-- the two Shabbos goys came in,

and they wanted to find your husband, so I let them in,

and I'll be able to open those for you--

Do I look fucking Jewish?

Through your fucking gratitude, bitch.

Regina!

Where the fuck is she?

Regina, I don't wanna bother you,

but I am inside the rich guy's apartment right now.

What are you doing?

Be ready to call the cops.

It's gotta be Sydney.

I will deal with you later, you sack of shit!

Regina. Regina!

Close those Goddamn doors before those fuckers go--

Freeze! - Hey! Whoa, whoa, hey!

This is a big misunderstanding, lady. Relax.

How long have you been fucking my husband?

What?

How long have you been gay-fucking my husband?

Listen. Ma'am, ma'am-- Gah!

- Don't fuckin' do that! - Get away!

You'll be alright. You okay?

- Yeah, yeah. - You'll be okay.

I look like a fuckin' devil just fucked me in my eyeballs.

I'm gonna go.

I hope she better be killing him today, man.

I've been pepper-sprayed before,

but, like, this shit, never point blank.

Hi, Michelle. Hi, yeah. Yeah, I called you earlier.

- She was 6 inches away-- - Thanks for calling me back.

I'm talking to you right now. This particular brand of mace,

it felt like someone was fucking shooting a blob into my cornea.

- Can you hear me right now? - Who the fuck is he talking to?

Who are you talking to?

It's Michelle, it's Regina's sponsor.

I know who Michelle is.

Michelle's a legend in the community.

She wants to know why we need to find Regina.

Fucking make something up, bro.

Yeah, yeah, one second. I'm-- I'm here.

I can't. I can't lie to her.

Tell her the truth, then.

Tell her she's gonna fuckin' blow Russell's brains out.

I'm not sure that is true.

There you go, Mr. Shabbos boy, but fucking can't do this.

Lui, I can't hear you, sweetheart. Hello.

- Hey, Michelle. - Dev, that you?

- Yeah, it's Dev. How'd ya know? - Jesus Fucking Christ,

the two of you are trying to find Regina.

We were just wondering where she was.

She told me she was gonna be at a recovery in the afternoon,

some meeting in the Bronx.

- Yes, fuck, yeah. - Is it good?

- Feels better? - Yes. Yes.

Oh, yeah, much better. Much better.

- Hi. Are you canceling? - Hello, Mrs. Levy.

Hello, Mrs. Levy? - Hi, Luca?

Yeah. Dev and Luca for the callback today.

- Are you two on your way? - Yeah.

Yeah, I really hate to do this--

Luca, I need to know if you're canceling.

There's been an emergency.

Can I reschedule the callback for tomorrow?

I can't-- Oh, my God.

I can't hear a word you're saying--

Hello? Hello?

I think she heard me.

Fuck, I really wanted that callback.

- Fuck, bro. - We gotta go help her.

I know.

That's what I've been saying, but don't look.

Don't look, but the guy that's been chasing me, he's here.

The universe is trying to fuck me in the ass.

And not in a pleasant way.

Dev, I don't need you busting into the meeting,

looking like you smoked some crack, okay?

Yo. What's up with this guy chasing you?

So I was in the city,

and this fuckin' dickhead just cuts me off, bro.

Yo! What the fuck are you doing?

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Fuck you, Mowgli-ass motherfucker!

Fuck you, you fuckin' four-wheel-truck fuck!

Why don't you go to your cave,

you can fuck your 72 fuckin' virgins!

I'm not even Muslim, you motherfucker,

you Islamophobic cunt!

So I took it to the next level.

I threw a water bottle in his car,

but it wasn't a water bottle filled with water,

it was a water bottle filled with my own piss.

What the fuck!

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

Why'd you have a bottle of piss?

Had a little cottage industry going.

Freeing parolees from the Draconian laws of the oppressor,

with my grade-A, super clean, minty piss.

Damn. This piss really rocks.

Minty Piss is not responsible for any golden--

Do you sell your piss to parolees?

- I donate. - It sounds like you "donated"

it to this guy's fuckin' leather seats.

Yeah. I kinda did. Alright.

Yo. Listen, do not cause a scene during this meeting.

And when it's over, we're gonna go confront Regina.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Alright.

Wonderful. Wonderful.

Which may be surprising to some of you,

'cause there's been some...

bullshit passing along.

But that's what it is, bullshit.

I'm five months clean.

Coming here really feels like home to me.

And now I feel like somebody's just robbed me in my own house.

Why would someone in the program want to hurt me?

I didn't fuckin' relapse.

Losing my job, quarantine, this whole protesting...

I stayed clean. - Holy shit.

- What? - That's Carly.

That's Regina's sponsee. She's talking about us.

Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?

You can fuck those guys and the fuckin' rumors.

Thanks for letting me share.

- Thanks for sharing. - Thanks for sharing.

- Leandro, addict. - Hi, Leandro.

Let's do the secretary's report first.

Is there anyone who didn't get to introduce themselves

or is new to the meeting?

This is not to embarrass you.

This is for us to get to know you.

We can't help you if we don't know who you are.

Alright. How 'bout you two mooks over there?

I've never seen yas before. Come on up here and get a hug.

No, sir, very good.

Thank you very much.

Come on. Keep coming back.

- Keep coming back. - It works.

- Dev, addict. - Hey, guy.

Hey, Dev.

- Hi. Luca, addict. - Hi, Luca.

Dev and Luca, these are the guys

who spread those fuckin' rumors about me.

- You mean these two idiotas? - Yeah.

Are you kidding me?

I don't wanna disturb the atmosphere,

so I'm just gonna leave. Okay?

I don't want any trouble.

Yo. Lui, don't you fucking leave!

Wait, wait, Regina! "Lui"?

Baby, baby, this is a program of recovery.

We got no room for these clowns.

We're gonna figure this all out, guys.

What are you gonna do with her?

You lied about her relapse. What else?

Jesus Christ, I was doing it for the greater good.

- Get the fuck outta here. - Fuck you, Phil.

Hey, get my fuckin' name outta your mouth,

you Munster-cheese-smellin' motherfucker!

Smell like fuckin' cheese? You smell like the fuckin--

- Get the fuck outta here. - What are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey! Don't you wanna see this?

Where you goin'?

Come over here. Come on.

I got Carly in there fuckin' breakin' down,

like it's the end of the world.

Why are you lying about her?

- Are you asking me why I'm-- - Yes.

Why are you lying?

You're doing cocaine.

You fuck-- You relapsed.

And you're fuckin' your client, and I hear you're leaving town.

Are you leaving town?

Lui, what the fuck are you talking about, huh?

You ain't no fuckin' Cassandra.

- What? - Cassandra, the oracle.

You can't tell the future, Lui.

I didn't lie about leaving.

I just didn't tell you.

Oh, you didn't lie, you just didn't tell me.

Okay. - Yeah.

So you just didn't tell me that you were gonna relapse

and that you were gonna fuck your client,

and that maybe that you're leaving town.

Do you even know how to use these?

- No, I fucked up. - Obviously.

You fuckin' love this, huh?

What?

Playing these games.

You're leaving these little breadcrumbs,

telling Dev that you're leaving town...

- No, no. - ...just so he'd tell me.

You love this.

Right?

Este juegito.

What I fuckin' love is...

I love you.

Shut the fuck up. You don't love me.

You love when I come and save you.

This ain't some movie, Lui.

You gotta grow the fuck up.

Por que ya llego la hora.

No more hiding me from Dev. No more little acting games.

You gotta dry out.

You're addicted to me, papi.

Okay?

We're gonna look back on this and laugh,

like, "This is how we met."

- Yo! - Right?

Come here.

I got this. Just stay and clean up.

What exactly do you think is going on?

What do I think's going on?

I know what the fuck is going on, Regina.

You didn't say "God's time." - Okay!

"Okay?" You always say fuckin' "God's time," seven days a week.

"I have faith that he'll die in God's time."

- Okay, so what? - So what?

- I'm fuckin' here to stop you. - From?

From doing the deed.

Runnin' up in that apartment with a hot pistol,

taking your dog back by any means necessary.

You know...

...blowin' Russell's face to smithereens.

I care about you, yo. - Mm.

I'm worried.

Mi amor, why are you bugging right now?

Come on, I say the gun thing for embellishment.

I don't even have a gun. That's just my share.

I'm just venting.

Like a metaphor.

Like Captain Ahab wouldn't be Captain Ahab

without his harpoon, right?

- So you don't have a gun? - Of course not.

You're manipulating what you're seeing.

And we only manipulate shit when we're desperate, right?

So what you desperate for, Dev?

No, no, what do you really want from me?

I'm not desperate.

You are, babe.

You sound high right now.

Like you're addicted to this.

Addicted to me?

Yo, listen.

I'm really sorry we missed that callback.

Mm-hmm.

I don't even think she was gonna kill anybody.

Just me being a fuckin' idiot.

She laid it all out.

She doesn't even have a gun, man.

I'm sorry, Luca.

I led you on this fuckin' wild good chase.

She did say, uh...

I was desperate for her.

She actually said I was addicted to her.

Wait.

What?

Yeah, yeah, she said something like,

"You're totally addicted to me."

You're addicted to me, papi.

Is she fuckin' playin' me?

No, bro, she's not playin' us.

I was over-zealous. - No.

I was seeing shit that wasn't there.

No, Dev, you had it right this morning.

I did?

Fuck, did she tell you that because she knew you'd tell me?

Bro, you sound like an insane person.

No, no, no, Dev, she lied to you on purpose.

I taught her how to shoot. - What?

We went to New Jersey, and we shot my dad's gun.

She's got my dad's gun.

- Your dad's gun? - Oh, fuck!

She's gonna use my dad's gun and blow up her life!

You're telling me she lied to me on purpose?

Yes.

Because she knew I would tell you?

Because what she really wants--

What are you looking at down there?

- I'm looking for Regina. - She really wants to try

and murder her ex, for us to stop her?

Yes. She wants us to fuckin' save her.

What the fuck don't you get? You gotta talk to her.

Her mom hates me. I can't do it.

You gotta distract her. - What do you need from me?

What the fuck do you need from--

- Say you're Manuel. - Manuel?!

- No, wait-- - Manuel, motherfucker!

Why do you keep on calling me Manuel?

That doesn't help.

That's not my fucking ethnicity, you dipshit!

Just fuckin' distract her

while I go get my dad's gun, okay?

Bro, no! Fuck.

Oh, look. And she loves amusement parks.

Use it. Use it. - Amusement parks?

Use it. Use it. Use it, Dev.

Well, hello there, ma'am! My name is Manuel.

Is your daughter Regina home?

Lo siento. No comprende.

Es Regina en el casa?

She no home.

She leaving the country in the morning.

Please leave. - Lo siento! Lo siento!

No soy Latinx.

Soy de Knoxville, Tennessee,

y mi mama es in India. - Stop.

Stop. English, please.

Well, I'm here on behalf of the city.

You? The city?

They're hiring anybody these days.

Your daughter, she's qualified for a very specific,

specialized tax rebate, one that can actually

be exchanged for a trip out... - Okay, no, thank you.

...to Sandusky, Ohio. Cedar Point!

Cedar Point, Ohio, the amusement park, mijo?

The one and only. Why else would you go to Ohio?

Please, please, please don't send me to voicemail.

Hi. Hey, mamita.

It's me. It's your baby boy.

I'm, uh, I'm outside your house.

And I-- I just wanted to talk to you and tell you...

...I love you so fuckin' much.

So... where you say you're from?

Tennessee?

Yes. Knoxville.

You got quite the memory, Ms. Reyes.

Dollywood.

Dollywood? You know about Dollywood?

How can I not know about Dollywood?

It takes Dolly herself,

and it puts her into a theme park.

Exactamente, mijo.

In the bones, the steel of the structure, if you will.

Exactamente. Sí.

Yeah.

Regina.

Mamita.

But everyone wants to talk about Six Flags.

- Six Flags. - Tu me entiendes?

- Oh, yeah, right. - Yo no quiero franchise.

Yo quiero independiente.

You don't want a franchise when you go into a theme park.

You wanna be wowed.

You don't want some cookie-cutter repeat.

So, how did my daughter apply to this?

Well, it was a program for people in recovery.

People in recovery?

Uh... addicts.

People who are addicts.

Excuse me?

People in recovery that are addicts.

The program, it's a program for people that are in recovery,

that are addicts,

that are committed to positive social life practices,

you know, in their occupation of choice.

Life-coaching, osteopathy,

multi-vitamin sales people.

Oh.

I see. - Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know she put that information on papers

for the government, you know?

Well, not the big government, not the all-seeing eye.

For the city.

But she found that grant quickly.

She's-- She's adept. - Yes.

Yes, very resourceful.

And-- And where did you say this-- this

specific log float was?

- Quien sabe. So many times. - They're at every one.

Gone so soon, Ms. Reyes?

I miss you already!

Que demonios?

Did you need any help, Ms. Reyes?

You're a very nice man, Manuel.

And you work very late for a city employee.

Well, my boss, es un asshole--

Enough!

What is that smell?

It smells like leche podrida.

Like rotten milk!

Diablo! Que haces aqui!

How do you know my daughter?!

Calm down. Don't fucking run.

Dev, my dad's gun wasn't there.

Tell me again why the fuck she has your dad's gun?

She's definitely on the way to fucking kill him.

What the fuck are we gonna do? - I don't know.

Do you have Russell's address?

Of course you do! Of course he fuckin' does.

Why can't he just tell me, huh? Why can't he just say it?

Why can't you just say it?

Yo! Yo!

Yo, we can't just bust into Russell's apartment!

We gotta call the cops!

Bro, I swear to God,

it's like we're living on different fuckin' planets.

Alright, yeah. What the fuck are we gonna do?

We're just two regular people. - You know what? Go 'head, bro.

Call Lieutenant Pagliacci on a Regina

coked out of her mind,

with a piece that's not fuckin' hers.

Meanwhile, me, your ethnically ambiguous buddy,

your fuckin' sidekick, is gonna end up locked up in the slammer

in three fuckin' hours.

Come on!

Fuck.

Shh. What the fuck is he listening to?

The door's open. He must be home.

Or she already got to him.

Regina.

Yo. Let's just get the fuck outta here.

This is a bad idea.

We're here.

Alright? Let's fuckin' do this.

Hey, Russell?

You left your door open, king.

What the fuck is this room?

Regina.

Jesus.

Regina.

Yo. I know this sounds like one of my crazy conspiracy theories,

but I think Russell knows the guy,

the guy that's been chasing me.

Don't you move, Russ.

Where's Parranda?

- Mamita? - Lui?

What the fuck are you doing?

Fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Regina?

Dev!

What the fuck?

Oh, fuck, she shot me!

- Oh, bro, bro! - You shot me.

I swear to God, I thought I killed you!

It's not fuckin' funny!

- Did she fuckin' kill you, bro? - No, I'm not dead, man!

- Did she fuckin' kill you? - I'm not dead, no.

Let's go!

Fuck!

I said I was fucking sorry, Lui.

Stop apologizing.

Dev, just get me to the hospital!

- I'm trying, here. - I got you.

I'm right here. - It's fine.

It's all good. It just grazed my fuckin' arm.

You don't gotta perform, buddy.

I watched you wean off Suboxone, you son of a bitch.

Alright? You can weep.

Okay? Take some breaths.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, stay awake.

I love you, motherfucker. - Wait. Is he breathing?

- Wake up. - Is he breathing?!

Is he breathing?! - Wait, I can't tell.

Just fucking stop. Chill out.

Chill out. - Guys.

- Oh, my fucking God. - I'm not gonna fuckin' die.

I'm just tired. - Okay.

From what, chasing her all day?

I love you, buddy.

So you've been chasing me all day.

Hell yeah.

And then you wanna say you ain't desperate for me, right?

Stop with that.

I'm not desperate, okay? I'm not an addict.

I'm not addicted to you.

Any of that. - Okay.

So then what are you?

I'm your friend, alright, trying to do the right thing.

I know it sounds like a foreign fuckin' concept.

You act all fuckin' prickly,

but, if you were in my position, you'd do the same thing.

Oh, I wouldn't wait on it, babe. I'll tell ya that much.

Don't hold your fuckin' breath.

So you really believe that?

That we're friends?

Yeah.

What the fuck are you doing?

Oh, fuck.

Where the fuck is this E.R., y'all?

I see some doors up there. You can drop us off.

Oh.

Are we here?

- Are you fuckin' serious?!

- What, you want some, pissboy? - I fuckin' knew it!

What you gonna say when you go in?

- You gotta make a meeting. - What are you gonna say?

What are you gonna do about this shit?

What are you gonna say when you go in?

I don't fucking know! I'm gonna tell 'em I got shot.

Well, if you say you got shot, then I will fucking shoot you.

Uh, okay.

What the fuck is wrong with you two? Huh?

"Okay?" - Get the fuck outta my car.

Gladly! Fuckin' sicko human.

You're gonna make a meeting, right?

You love all this shit.

Just tell me you're gonna make a meeting.

Just fuckin' say it to me, even if it's not true.

Fine. I'll make a meeting. Okay?

Fuckin' stop!

I don't know what you're so pouty about, bro.

Oh, woe is me, laying in my little bed.

I'm a Victorian invalid.

I hate to be that guy, but you're the one

that taught her about how to use the gun, bro.

The Lui Gun Safety Course?

Is that the one where you show someone

to always keep their finger on the fuckin' trigger?

You listening to me? - Shut up, bro.

This is your fault. This is all your fault.

We had a fuckin' plan.

We were supposed to rehearse, make our fuckin' audition,

and everything was finally lining up.

What the... What the fuck?!

What the fuck, man?!

And everything had to come together for us

to get these roles.

You think that this whole--

was just one big coincidence or something?

No, man.

Couldn't wrangle you, could I?

This is your fault.

You got me shot, you had to play fuckin' hero,

you had to chase Regina.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You fucked it up. You fucked up the plan.

You miss this audition so bad?

You wanna see how it would've gone?

Wanna give it a dry run?

Yeah, sure, Donny, I'd save you.

- You'd really save me? - Yeah.

Yeah? Are you sure I could trust you?

What's this all about, huh?

What are you going on about, Donny?

This, you know--

Nicole sleeps real well at night knowing you got me like that,

that you're such a good friend to me.

What are you trying to say?

Friend, you don't need it. Try--

You know the lines. Just say it.

What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to say...

...you're not the kind of friend you think you are.

Friends don't keep secrets like you do.

Good stuff.

Come on, I can't do this right now.

What the fuck are you doing here?

Did you follow me here? - I did not follow you.

Are you stalking me now?

You can't get over me or some shit?

I'm here to see a doctor. I'm not after you.

Yo.

Wait up.

Do you hear that?

Sounds like somebody's having a meltdown.

It's New York. People cry.

Why won't you just tell me where Parranda is?!

He's stayin' at my boy's house. I couldn't bring him here.

You!

You know when I know you're lying.

- What is he doing here? - I don't know!

He's got a pain in his spleen or some shit.

- It's the guy. - Yeah, this is the fucking guy.

- Did you set me up? - Nobody set you up, stupid.

- You know this guy? - The guy! The fuckin' guy!

I know who the fuck you are, Lui.

You're the guy. - This guy is Russell, Dev.

- Yes. He's Russell. - Huh?

- Russell is the guy! - No fuckin way.

- You are the fuckin' guy! - You are the guy.

I don't know who the fuck you are, bro.

Don't pretend you don't know me, motherfucker.

I gave justice to your Islamophobic trash-ass.

I rained my urine all down your face

and your automobile. - Oh. That was you?

- Yeah, it was me. - I'm gonna fuckin' murder you!

Yo! Where the fuck is Parranda?!

Where is he?!

Whoa.

Whoa. - Where's Parranda?

- Regina. - Lui.

Mamita, listen to me. Give me the gun.

- Shut the fuck up. -"Mamita"?

I just gotta say, I knew you two were fucking.

You know what? I wasn't fucking her!

Alright?! We were making love!

And I'm sorry that you fucking called dibs on her or whatever!

- Dibs? - I never said that.

All I wanted you to do was tell me.

Don't you fuckin' get it? That's all I wanted!

I didn't give a fuck about the dibs!

I don't give a fuck about the owning, bro.

- Yo!

No! No! Don't shoot me.

I didn't start this shit. You!

You threw piss in my fucking car, man.

And you? You were fuckin' my girl!

I wasn't.

You were cheating on me!

You were coked out all the time.

You were so fuckin' high all the time.

I can't leave Parranda with your crazy ass.

- He was my dog! - Look at you!

You're high right now!

Don't you guys get it?

I'm here because I can't take it anymore.

My body can't take this fuckin' grief.

I'm losing it.

I swear to God, I'm fuckin' fallin' apart.

I lost my best friend.

Parranda is dead.

What?

Parranda's dead.

No.

- Regina! - Goddamn it.

Fuck you, Russ!

You fucking liar! Where is he?!

Dead. He's dead!

You're fucking lying, yo!

How?

How?!

Skin cancer. Skin cancer. Skin cancer.

The doctor said it was gonna cost

so much fuckin' money anyway.

It's a dog!

Oh, my fucking God, Russ!

- A dog. - Are you kidding me?!

Parranda wasn't even yours to begin with.

You gave him to me... as a gift.

No! Wait! Regina, please, please!

Yo. It's no coincidence

everyone's here right now, right?

That's what these feet--

She's gonna fuckin' kill Russell!

This is my moment.

This is go-time for Dev.

Guys, guys, guys, listen to me, listen to me.

I have a very particular vantage point of this entire situation.

Okay? No one else needs to get hurt tonight.

Alright? Let me be the voice of reason.

We've all gone through enough.

- Excuse me? -"The voice of reason"?

I got this, okay?

Yeah.

- Oh, God. - What?

- I can't-- - Wait, wait, wait!

Where the fuck are you going? It's my time to shine.

Ya, ya, okay, ya!

Enough.

Hey, mamita, I'm so sorry about all this.

I'm fuckin' sorry about this, but this is not Russell's time.

This is Russell's time.

Y'all don't get it?

Dev was right, for once.

This isn't a big coincidence.

My Higher Power made you locos think

that I was actually gonna kill him,

just so you'd chase me, just so I'd shoot you in the arm,

just so I'd be right in this fuckin' hospital garage,

waiting for him.

What if your Higher Power wants something else?

You always said I was the one good person in your life, right?

- Shut up. - Then why am I here?

God did bring me here.

He brought me here to save you.

Save me?

Why do you idiotas keep thinking I need saving?

'Cause you need saving.

Alright, Lu...

you don't know what I need.

You don't even know me.

And you've never given me what I needed.

- Yo-- - Shut the fuck up, Dev.

You keep your narcissistic nose out of my asshole.

I'm not a character in Dev's World,

and you definitely ain't a character in mine.

You made me lose my fuckin' job.

You almost made Carly relapse.

And you scared the shit out of my mom.

You the opposite of a hero, right?

You a fuckin' villain. Me entiendes!

This won't come off!

Oh, how the fuck is there so much blood?

No, no, you wanted this, didn't you?

I don't wanna do this anymore.

Hey, hey.

Let's get you to the hospital. - Fuck off!

Fine.

Yo.

Who the fuck is calling you now?

Hello, Mrs.-- Mrs. Levy, hi.

No, no, no, no, you didn't-- you didn't wake me.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, um, yeah, we can both make that time.

Listen, thank you so much.

Okay. Bye.

Dev. - Yo.

If you think in infinite timelines

I'm gonna show up with you to that fuckin' callback,

you're even stupider than I thought.

Listen, I know you think I'm shit at acting or whatever,

but I really need you

to, like, keep it together for me right now.

You dense fuck.

It's not about the acting. Okay?

It's about you being a shit friend.

Alright, listen, I get it, you're upset,

okay, but I need you to hold it together

until we do this callback.

We don't gotta be friends, we just gotta act like friends.

Okay?

You don't even have to get a haircut.

You wanna hit me?

Go 'head, fuckin' hit me.

Get it outta your system.

Do whatever you gotta do.

But please, come with me to the callback.

You know what, man? I'ma go.

Hello, baby. How you doin'?

Can you actually write some of these down?

- Hey. - Hey. What's up?

What's going on?

It's a little-- I dislocated it. It's fine.

Can I help? - Yeah, sure.

Thanks. - Thanks.

Hope you feel better.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- Hey, babe. - Hey. How are ya?

- Are you okay? What happened? - Yeah, yeah. No.

What's good, what's goin' on? - Hi, honey.

Yeah, no, I just-- I dislocated it.

It's nothing. - Listen. Listen.

I need you to take better care of yourself.

I don't wanna see you get hurt. Yeah.

- It's-- No, yeah. - What happened, old man?

I was fuckin' around with Dev, slam-boxing and,

'cause I hurt it when I was a kid, so sometimes it pops out.

And where is Dev?

I don't know, actually.

I don't think he's coming today.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

So I was on the train and I saw this guy nodding out.

And that was, like, the first time that it dawned on me.

I was like, "Damn, that used to be me."

I used to be just like that guy.

And I would not only just be in that position not now,

I would look at people going to work,

walking their dog,

living that straight-- you know, straight path

and, I'm like, "Fuck these people."

Now I'm getting my ass here at 8:00

after working with a client at 6:00.

I got to be somewhere at 2:00. You know?

Like, fuck, actually...

It shouldn't be something that makes me angry,

but the details matter.

And it gives me such a rage, such an anger.

I gotta check myself, you know?

'Cause the seventh step, it tells me to be humble.

So, I gotta right-size this big head of mine.

Yeah, that's it. Thanks.

Thank you for sharing.

So, uh, we got time.

Does anybody else wanna share?

Go 'head.

Uh...

Hi, uh, I'm Luca and I'm an addict.

- Hi, Luca. - Hi, Luca.

It's been a minute since I went swimmin'.

You know, like, at the beach?

And over the summer, this friend of mine,

she kept promising me that we'd go swimming.

And she kept postponing it

'cause of all this, like, um... crazy shit

that was going on in her life and I thought that I was...

I thought I needed to help her.

And I told my sponsor about it,

and he said that she doesn't need my help, you know?

I just wanted her to bring me to the beach, you know?

I just wanted her to bring some joy into my life, you know,

but she never did.

She just made a lot of stuff up.

And the whole thing, the whole... relationship,

left me feeling kinda like, um...

...like, unimportant,

like a real fuckin' asshole or whatever.

But honestly, I fucked up, too. I fucked up.

And I was fucked up 'cause, I don't know, I didn't--

Like, I brought her home to my mom,

and I-I called her "my friend."

And she's in the room, so she's struggling, and I--

And I said she might be clean, but she's really not recovered.

Anyway, I don't think we're gonna go swimming.

Not now, anyway.

And then I had this friend,

and I mean, he was kinda like this girl,

except he really did need me to help him.

He was a fucking infant.

I'd practically babysit the guy

and make sure he wipes his own fuckin' ass.

I mean, he's a real fuckin' burden to me.

So sometimes I'd lie to him.

And I don't mind making him feel like a fuck-up.

And you know what? I-- I--

I fuck-- I want to make him feel small,

'cause that's what I think he deserves.

And I'm a fuckin' asshole, you know?

I wish he would fuckin' hurt me back.

I wish he would punch me in my fuckin' face

and crack me in my jaw, or something, to show me

I'm a fuckin' piece of shit.

But he wouldn't.

If I told this friend that I wanted to go swimming,

see...

...he'd fuckin' be there for me.

Butt Ass Naked.

I love you.

I love you, bro. I f-- I love you, okay?

I fucking love you.

- Can I hug you? - Yeah.

Come here.

- I love ya, man. - I love you, too.

Nice haircut. - Thanks. I did it myself.

Ah, fuck. Alright.

That was a lot.

Guess I don't have to share like that for a couple years.

Thanks for listening.

- Thanks for sharing. - Thanks for sharing.

Well, uh, we got time.

Anybody else wanna share?

- No, I'm good. - Okay.

With that, we have a really lovely way of closing.

Oh, hey, girl.

You good?

- Hey, everybody. - Hi, Regina.

You wanna share, baby? We got three minutes left.

Nah, I don't think I should.

I only got one day clean today.

Hey, family.

I'm Regina, and I'm certainly an addict.

- Hi, Regina. - Hi, Regina.

Y'all, um...

Y'all know that newcomer glow,

when you got, like, 30 days clean and you feel clean?

I'm so fucking ready to feel clean.

I obviously don't have that-- that glow right now.

But I have faith.

Faith that it'll come.

Faith...

that it'll come...

...in God's time.

Feeling dejected by reality?

Although God's Time does not treat COVID,

it may alleviate...

Side effects may include obsessions with Regina,

tangential b-plots, and characters whose decisions

may seem irrational upon cursory viewing

but are entirely true to their personalities, desires,

and astrological signs.

Hey, what's up, y'all?

Brett Underwood here, executive producer of GT.

GT!

Which I like to call "God's Time,"

you know what I'm sayin'?

I just wanted you all to know the energy,

the blessings that have ensued,

that have manifested through this whole situation,

this lituation, if you will. You know what I mean?

It's crazy, you know?

Because what we're making here, it ain't no movie, yo.

It's a vibe. It's a vibe.

Like my man Gary V says, you know,

hustle hard and sell wine online at a steep profit

for my family's, you know, burgeoning wealth.

"God's Time, the limited series,"

I'm thinking Starz

because it's gonna be a little risqué, you know what I mean?

Lot of full male frontal nudity,

it's gonna be a very important piece of this pie.

And it's gonna be fuckin' crazy, yo.

It's gonna have laughs, it's gonna have giggles,

it's gonna have screams, it's gonna have timelines.

It's gonna have multiple quantum leaps.

Dev finds himself in the neolithic era,

fighting for his paleolithic bride.

Luca, caught in the grips of a...

...Japanese mad scientist in 2042.

But it all comes back to God's time.

It all comes back to the love that we share,

the energy that we're holding together.

I hate when he talks to the fuckin' camera.

I'm trying to do a scene and this motherfucker goes off

for 10 minutes on his fuckin' word jumbo mumbo.

Titanium bones.

I've got a sneaking suspicion

that there's some type of pyramid scheme going on.

Surgical grafts made from the skin of pig bladders.

And we are not a PSA for the FDA or Health Department

or the various other accoutrements of government.

Hyper-capitalists, gig economy, fuckin' ethnostate.

Anyways--

- Fuckin' do, Dev? - Dev's gotta figure this out.

Dev's gotta figure it out.

Oh, that piece a shit, yo.

- What? - Watch the camera.

Jesus Christ.

- How do you feel about God? - God? Love Him.

He comes to me in the form of, like, a...

like a street cat, but, like, anthropomorphized.

Kinda looks like a furry.

He's very attractive, this God of mine.

My Higher Power is Mark Cuban from "Shark Tank."

Do you have piss on you right now?

I don't have piss on me, bro.

Oh, chill! - I just need to check.

Let me see.

Wait, wait.

Wait, wait, I feel something in here.

I feel something in here. What is that?

What is that?

- You see, no piss! - I guess not.

Smells like piss, though.

Fuck it, come on.

I thought I did have piss in here.

What's that?! What's that?!

- No, no, no! - What is that?

- Hey, hey! - Oh, that's fuckin' dripping!

- Damn-- - Don't interrupt my share.

Three. Two. One.

- Go home! - Bye!

Go! Bye! Thank you.

We really appreciate you, but go.

Alright? Get out. Shoo. Bye.

Go back there and yell at your friends.

They still haven't left! They still haven't left!

- Yo! - I said leave!

Go! - You still here?

Go on, get out!