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This is us.

The Böttcher family.

My son Thomas, a real estate agent, and his girlfriend Anna...

an aspiring actress,

with their daughter and my granddaughter, Paula.

-What? - Thomas thought Paula would be a boy.

-He announced another name as a joke. -Adolf.

-His humour takes some getting used to. -Very funny.

This is my daughter Elisabeth, a teacher,

and her husband Stephan Berger, a literature professor.

You are the incarnate proof of an ailing educational mandate.

Fuck you!

I won't take that from someone who named his kids Cajus and Antigone!

And then there's my adopted son,

René, an often misunderstood creative soul.

You think I'm gay.

I'm not gay.

However, René is no longer just my adopted son,

he is much more.

We've fallen in love and are now a couple.

Yes, seriously.

I'm with Dorothea.

-I was just as surprised as the others. -Dorothea who?

Your mother.

After my husband Paul's death, this new love just felt right.

Since then, Thomas has had strong emotions towards Rene'.

Tempers have calmed in the meantime

and the family can turn the page on that chapter.

Screw you all!

I've invited everyone to our house on Lanzarote.

Because we have some news.

FAMILY AFFAIRS

Boy, that was rough.

-Oh, laugh it off. -I can't.

-The landing was horrible. -Now where do I get my suitcase?

-At the baggage conveyor? -It weighed eight kilos at home.

Then, at the airport, it was 8.3.

Too heavy for carry-on. Something's fishy.

I bet Lissy messed with your scale.

I'll weigh it again and get my 30 euros back.

-They picked on the wrong guy. -Or the right one.

Right, I'll get a rental car, okay?

How could they be so idiotic as to leave my suitcase in Cologne?

Probably so I can't weigh it.

Wicked landscape.

-Like the moon. -Wait until you see the house.

It's the most beautiful place on earth, right?

-Yes. -Dad loved it. He worked here for weeks.

I sat on his lap,

we looked out at the vineyard and he said, "This will all be yours."

-Excuse me? -Yes, okay. And Elisabeth's.

And he said, "One day you'll sit here with your son and say the same thing."

-I have a son and a daughter. -That's different.

Oh, really?

-Shame Josefa isn't around anymore. -Who's she?

Our housekeeper.

-She'd have cooked something yummy. -Sadly, she passed away.

Aha! There's such a thing as the EU Flight Compensation Regulation...

Any idea what Mum wants to tell us?

-No. -I hope she's not ill or something.

No, she would have just told me that on the phone.

They hope I'll call the 1.99 euros a minute hotline, that's four marks!

Just to get my property back!

Or she's giving you a living will. My parents did that.

Mum's only interested in papers to roll joints with.

-This scam is their top revenue earner. -What then?

They probably want to announce they're marrying.

Then I'd prefer her to be ill.

I'd like to get through one family gathering without any drama.

-Thomas? -Yes!

8.3 kilos!

I can't believe it.

-Hey! -So glad that you're finally here!

-Isn't the weather just a dream? -Hey.

Man, it's such a shame Paula isn't here.

Sorry it took so long. Stephan had trouble with his bag.

Now that's his only corduroy suit.

Joke all you want, but I would like to put on fresh clothes.

-It'd smell better too. -Yes, get it out of your system.

The laugh is always on the loser, huh? I can give you some eau de toilette.

It's not that bad.

-I'll take the luggage up to my room. -Your room?

Oh, no. That's out of the question.

-Why is that? -It's René's refuge.

-His refuge? -Yes.

-In my room? -No one's allowed in, not even me.

Okay.

Cool, then we'll take the guest room, obviously.

-And us? -Upstairs is nicer.

-Those are the Queen's quarters. -What's she doing there?

And if we share the guest room?

Usually not a problem, but we're working on Paul.

-Paula's brother. -He wants a boy.

-A real child. -Stop!

Yes, when I have an heir.

-But you're welcome to watch. -No thanks.

I'm sleeping in the hammock anyway.

Here. The dining room.

Our bedroom. But what I really wanted to show you are the little windows.

They're post/gas.

Girls used to receive their admirers by them a century ago.

They could only see each other's faces.

-That's how they met their husbands. -Tinder in the 1800s.

The canarios taught me that. It comes with living here.

You learn Spanish, hear stories.

-You're all set here. -Thanks to Dorothea. Come on.

Mamacita.

Strange not having the little one around.

I'm like, "Fuck! Where's Paula?"

I'm sure that's normal the first time your baby isn't with you.

-Relax. -I'll try.

It shouldn't be an issue with this view. It's awesome.

What is this anyway?

Socos, to protect the vines.

Winegrowers only need patience. The vines grow of their own accord.

No need to water them.

It only takes patience to reap life's sweet fruits.

Wicked!

Where are our family photos?

It was time for something new. A breath of fresh air.

Not all that ancient stuff.

-And you like those, or what? -René likes them.

Hands off!

Mum, who is the girl out in the garden?

Josefa's daughter.

That's Lucia?

No way.

She's all grown up now.

She looks after the vineyard and helps in the garden.

What about that other gardener lady? What's her name?

René.

Gardening isn't for him. He's got sensitive hands.

I could've guessed that.

-Ibérico de balleto. -De bellota.

Yes, like I said. It's a typical ham from here.

Thanks, Rene, we've been here a few times.

How nice that we're together again. Almost like the good old days.

Mm! The bouquet.

Cajus and Antigone are in England? Shows you how big they are.

-At a private school. -Wow, great.

-It must be expensive. -The dumber the kids, the more you pay.

The others, not Cajus and Antigone.

You still don't have Wi-Fi, huh?

We enjoy the solitude and each other's company.

-Just in case Cajus and Antigone call. -That'd be a first.

All the more important not to miss it. Ah, there's mail.

-For me? -No, for Dorothea, but not Böttcher.

-Who then? -Just put it there.

Apparently another Dorothea lives here. Dorothea König.

Anyone know her?

I got a letter like that too recently. Elisabeth Bregner-Böttcher.

Bregner-Böttcher.

Strange that something like that can happen in the digital age.

It's not a typo, but a Dorothea with René's surname.

True, that's a little different.

-Who is it from? -Bonn clerk's office.

That is strange. The clerk's office really should know.

Why are they even writing you?

-We'll tell you that later. -Don't keep us in suspense.

Out With it.

Ham, anyone?

Now I'm curious too.

Only tax offices work there. They address correctly too.

-What could it be? -Keep us in suspense.

Right.

We wanted to announce this later with a glass of champagne,

but since we're at it anyway...

we got married.

Ta-da!

-What do you mean you "got married"? -Yes, what do you mean?

It...

Well, they tied the knot, entered holy matrimony.

That's right.

When? Where?

In May. Here, it was very romantic.

-On the beach. -Fuck. I knew it.

-Just like that? -No, not just like that.

René proposed to me, first, with the whole works.

But you married without the works.

-At least without us. -Oh, just leave them.

You leave me! My mother marries my brother and I'm not invited.

Stepbrother.

Okay, I didn't want any drama.

If it's any consolation, I wasn't invited either.

I can understand you, but me?

-What's that mean? -You socked René.

-When you found out about them. Forgot? -Nose is still crooked. Right, René?

-I think it's awesome. -Me too.

-Congratulations. -Thanks.

-Thanks. -I mean it.

-Congrats. -Thank you.

Congratulations. But I am a little offended.

Dorothea wanted to invite you, but, Thomas, your disdain is obvious.

Elisabeth, since we've been a couple we barely speak.

So what? We're family, you invite family.

Oh, don't be so formal. We'll do it next time.

Ha-ha!

It's not my fault we didn't speak. I could've used someone to talk to.

-You found a stand-in. -Not now, Stephan!

However it may be, we just wanted to celebrate our love.

Oh, God, I'm going to barf.

What are you grinning about?

-Glad you got out of buying a gift? -You're so worked up about the wedding.

The thing with her surname got lost in the shuffle.

-What do you mean? -Dorothea König.

-The letter's addressed wrong. So? -They don't do that.

The clerk's office always addresses letters right.

-Not in this case. -Stephan's right.

The name is right. Dorothea took my name.

Well, König, not René.

What?

Yes. My name is now Dorothea König.

After taking my dad's wife, you go and take our name now too?

René didn't take me. I gave myself to him, with abandon!

-Mum, stay out of it. -I don't like to meddle.

However, this is about her.

No! It's about Dad, about our family!

Paul has been dead five years, but I'm not.

And, if you've forgotten, I wasn't born a Böttcher.

And nothing's in a name.

-Don't get literary on him. -Mum.

With all due respect, at your age you don't change what counts.

A marathon runner doesn't trade numbers just before finishing.

Just before finishing? Charming.

If I, as a liberated and grown woman, decide to change my surname

and to take my husband's,

then I have a right to, don't I?

Good. And now the marathon runner's running off to check on the meat.

I'm coming along. Cool down by the time we get back.

Now I'm supposed to calm down.

Get a grip. It's just a surname.

Well, you can't exactly say "just a surname".

No, why not? The surname's everything.

A surname is what remains of us. A surname says it all about a person.

Büchner, Seghers, Magritte.

To name some Thomas knows, Goethe, Mozart, Picasso.

Or Beckenbauer, Graf, Nowitzki, to name some Stephan knows.

Mum didn't compose operas or win Wimbledon.

Still, her surname is what remains.

Stephan's right, it's stands for identity, family and one's history.

Mum's tombstone will say "Dorothea König".

She was Böttcher nearly her whole life, our mother, Paul Böttcher's wife.

At least it still has an Ö in it.

But it's nice you two agree. That was worth it.

Am I the only one who senses something?

-What do you sense? -Something's up. Can't you tell?

Family photos and name, gone.

They secretly marry and put us in the guest room.

You see? Suddenly we're guests in our own house.

You're put up in the guest room, I'm sleeping in the hammock.

Next year we'll have to ask if we can come at all, and guess who?

-The Queen. -It's a seizure of power!

He's back on Adolf again.

But for something like that, René is far too...

-Naive? -No. Far too...

Pragmatic?

He has a heart of gold. Not everyone here does.

You'll see.

-Here you are. -Hey!

-Show the pictures of Paula. -Oh, yes.

Come here.

-I can't wait. -Yeah.

She looks more and more like you. The nose!

A real Böttcher.

Not to upset you, but her surname's Wittmann.

-Like me. -Once we marry, she gets her real name.

Böttcher. So...

Was that a proposal?

-Maybe. -Maybe you'll invite me.

Of course. I can already see the invitations.

"Getting married! Anna and Thomas Wittmann."

Yes, that'd be funny.

-Why funny? -I'm not changing my name.

-Who is then? -As it should be.

You.

You're against Dorothea doing it but want me to?

-It's totally different. -No.

-She's my mother. -Don't you want to be a Böttcher?

It seems no one wants to be a Böttcher but me. ls there a negative connotation?

Like Hitler or Stalin?

-Not yet, but you're working on it. -I just like Wittmann better.

As an actress I'm already known by that name.

The ("D isn't good for an international career.

That's right. Imagine them pronouncing it wrong at the Oscars.

Hello.

Oh, hello. How are you guys?

Oh.

Oh, poor girl. Hold on.

I'll give you Anna. One sec.

Anna.

-Your mother. -She has this number?

I gave it her because of the bad reception.

"I gave it to her." Thanks.

There's a spreadsheet full of emergency numbers and she calls us.

-You made an emergency list? -My assistant did.

I'm too busy.

-Lots to do, huh? -Yeah, I'd like to be home more often.

Maybe you work too much.

Your assistant said you got another promotion.

I only hear such things from her.

We're like friends with how often she has to blow me off.

Yes, I've got the Chinese now too.

Wow!

It must feel good being so successful.

I've got something on the job front too.

I applied for the dean's position.

Dean! Sounds important.

They haven't decided yet.

The chances are very good.

And do you earn more as dean?

It may shock you, but it's not always about money.

-Say people who don't have enough. -We have enough.

We did have to crunch numbers before enrolling Cajus and Antigone.

Damn private schools, expensive as hell.

They look like Hogwarts and make money vanish.

-If you have any. -I earn very well. Period!

Much better than a PE teacher, for example.

As you said, it's not always just about money.

Yes. And how do you like the wine?

Yes, good.

Yeah, a bit sweet maybe.

It's from our vineyard. It's a science in itself.

I can imagine. You're really throwing yourself into it.

Oh, no. Lucia helps us. She studied viticulture in Tarragona.

And we invested a lot. Barrels, grape press, filters.

Funny.

It has a nice new name.

A new name? What's it called now?

-El Rey. -"El Rey." The king.

Look, it even has a cute little clarinet on it.

Oh.

Nice.

And how are you doing now that you've stopped working?

Oh... Good.

Very good even.

It couldn't have been an easy decision.

I mean, the clarinet was your life.

Now Dorothea is my life.

And what do you live off of? Obviously not the wine.

We do just fine.

The Königs do just fine.

With the Böttcher's inheritance.

Sorry, but that's not so. She didn't inherit the money from Dad.

-Where's it from? -Rent from the house on Tegernsee.

Which is meant for Mum's retirement,

not for yours.

And if I hadn't looked after you, Dad couldn't have worked 24/7.

Yes, that's how the division of Labour was back then.

It's the same for you even today.

Paul and Dorothea compiled that wealth together.

Yes, the Böttchers, not you and Dorothea König.

Couldn't it just have worked out, for once?

Is it a bellyache? Refined sugar and milk bread all clay will do that!

-She's lactose intolerant. -It's a fever.

-Oh. -Yeah.

Now my dad is driving to a pharmacy and he's night-blind.

He doesn't see much at any time of day.

Why didn't you pack the fever syrup?

-Why didn't you? -I don't even know what it looks like.

Amazing that you think that's a good argument.

The battery's dead.

Thomas will take care of it.

-The dock is in the hall. -I know. It always has been.

-Wine anyone? -No, thanks.

-I don't think it's bad at all. -It's our own wine.

Precisely.

Stephan once got laxative suppositories instead of throat tablets.

-The opposite. -Tablets instead of suppositories.

What's worse? Suppositories in your mouth or throat tablets in...

It was the pharmacist's fault, not mine. We all make mistakes.

Yes.

Except your colleague.

How many more quips do you want to drop?

I'll drop what I want.

What's this all about?

-I'd like to know that too. -I'll explain.

-Let's call it good. -It's not good. Why call it that?

My wife, your sister-in-law, your daughter your... whatever.

In any case...

Elisabeth is partial to another man.

"Partial"? Is this Shakespeare?

To simplify, she's involved with another man.

Really?

It's not my business, but you surprise me.

Don't react like he wants you to.

They're reacting as people react to such things.

Upset, incredulous, disgusted.

Disgusted? Bullshit! If so, because you're telling everyone.

I should be ashamed because she's cheating?

It's been eating at me too long. I'm getting ulcers. Dorothea!

Dorot... Nothing to say about your daughter's moral decay?

Moral decay? Sounds like I'm a streetwalker.

At least you'd bring money home.

Is this about that PE teacher?

-You know about it? -Elisabeth and I talk now and then.

You've already raved about him to your mother? Great!

-Why didn't you bring him? -Sadly, he was busy.

She didn't rave about him.

It's just that being candid helps.

-For inner balance. -Nothing against yin and yang.

I just don't want my wife sleeping with another guy.

That phrase, "my wife", it sounds so proprietary.

That's no good for personal development.

When you're married you can't go around...

developing.

The came fiesta.

Humping for balance.

Humping? Who says that anymore?

-Sorry. Fucking. -Stephan!

You're doing it, not me!

They should all smoke more pot.

Don't you tell me how to express myself.

No! No!

Why "no, no"? Stephan!

Our PE teachers were all frustrated ex-soldiers.

The Latin teacher wouldn't have been so cliché.

I get wanting someone with a feel for his body.

-You get it. See how low you've sunk. -What are you saying?

It's no surprise you don't appreciate a relationship's intellectual aspect.

I hope that guy gives it to Elisabeth real good.

Anna!

I don't judge you, but you have a family.

Yes, the poor children.

-They have nothing to do with it. -They notice you on the phone!

No, they don't. They're on the phone themselves.

Yes, the first signs of neglect.

She's getting so shameless.

At first "B. Seifert" showed up on her phone.

Now it's just "Benny".

You check her phone?

-That's off topic. -Benny Seifert?

I should've moved out already, but then I'd pay double like an idiot.

-Is he good-looking? -Are you seriously asking that?

What's that got to do with morally assessing this?

Can one cheat with pretty people but not ugly ones?

-Sorry, I'm just curious. -Well, she goes to Pilates twice a week.

She used to go twice in early January.

Legs, bums and tums.

-Same thing with a dumber name. -I did wonder if you'd lost weight.

Yup.

Legs, bums and tums, the sound of it!

-Who does LBT? -Elisabeth.

-I can't tell. -Thanks.

-Elisabeth has another. -Another bum?

-Oh, God! -Another man.

-She doesn't. -She does!

-You do? -Anna, that'll be your parents.

-Ah! I'll go. -Leave it! You'll just argue.

Enough! I'm not here to be put in the clock.

You two stop now or I'm going to bed.

It's been ages since I've seen you. You can't.

No, you can't. Your bed's in the living room.

Or Rene lets you sleep upstairs in his suite.

-I can't that's my... -Refuge.

But this whole house is a refuge. Why do you need one inside it?

Do you have a chest in it that's a refuge in a refuge in a refuge?

-How silly. -Silly?

The secretiveness is silly. What's up there? An S&M studio?

-What do you think of me? -You don't want to know.

Okay. It is our S&M studio.

Please don't go in there, our spiked chokers might injure you.

Why not just let Lissy and Stephan sleep there?

-I'm sleeping in the hammock. -And me on the couch. Gladly!

Know what? I think we should check it out.

-Excuse me? -I'm going up.

That's out of the question!

-Thomas! I'm warning you! -We should all calm down.

-Coming from you! -No!

What's this all about?

-The sick bastard. -Huh?

Dude, what the hell is going on?

-Did you do this? -It's sicker than we thought.

He baby role-plays.

-You've got it wrong. -Got it wrong?

Mum probably puts a nappy on him. Oh, God!

Absolutely sick.

-It was supposed to be a surprise. -I'm surprised.

-This is what you did all these weeks? -It's not done.

And now the door's broken.

-We have some time. -What's that mean?

-I don't get it. -Surprise!

You're not having a baby?

-What? -Yes.

-Shh! Shut up. -We want a child.

Shut up! Want another broken nose?

Don't be so childish!

Mum, you're 68, you can't have kids.

The news showed a 64-year-old who had quintuplets after hormone treatment.

Or a 65-year-old had quadruplets.

That's why it was in the news, because it's not normal.

Are you already pregnant?

-Naturally? -Nothing about this is natural!

-Well, the fact is... -I already know too much.

I don't want to know.

Didn't you say you were here without child?

-Anna ? Hello ? What's going on ? -Mum!

Are you fighting now or what?

Here. Salt and pepper.

There you go.

So good!

Thanks.

-We'll replace the door. -It's my door too.

-You're so childish. -It's okay.

I'll repair it myself.

You've outdone yourself again.

It's exquisite, your came siesta.

Came fiesta.

Again, out of curiosity,

biologically speaking...

-I'm already in menopause. -Too much information.

-Pull yourself together. -Of course Dorothea can't have children.

Sadly.

And she doesn't want to either. My body was ruined after two kids.

The breasts I had! They were never the same.

-Sorry, dear. -I like them ever more.

Oh, God! Happy place! Happy place! Happy place...

-So... -Happy place, happy place...

We're using a surrogate.

I see.

-What? I didn't hear it. -Don't cover your ears.

I usually don't want to hear him, but I'd like to know.

We're using a surrogate.

Okay. I'd rather not have heard that.

How... i don't know much about it. How should I picture that?

-Not at all. -Finally I can explain something to you.

A friend did it. The man donates sperm and it's done artificially.

Via injection or what?

Artificial insemination is an option, but quite expensive.

-It can be done traditionally. -Traditionally?

What do you mean by traditionally?

-Well... -Well what?

Sex.

Sex? Who?

-René. -René?

With whom?

Preferably with a fertile woman.

So are you having sex with another woman?

It is cheaper.

-You just married! -Him sleeping with Dorothea bothers you.

-And so does him not sleeping with her? -He's cheating.

Now stop it!

He's not cheating.

We decided on doing it this way together.

And I'd like to be there.

I think it's very natural.

We considered adoption, but it's hard when you're over 40.

-For good reason. -Mum isn't just over 40.

She's also over 50, and over 60.

Have you thought about the child having old parents?

I'm not so old, and Dorothea is in the prime of life.

-I think you're mistaken. -68 is above average.

-For a mother. -Yes, that's right.

But it is René's greatest desire.

I love him, so I'm aiding in that.

And what else does René desire?

You may not understand, but I never had a real family.

-You had us. -Yes, and I value that.

But a child, my very own family, would complete me.

You should've found a younger woman, not one who could... who is your mother!

If René doing this is okay for Dorothea, what's your fucking problem?

Yes, exactly.

Now everyone just relax.

-Paul and I had an open marriage too. -What?

-Ah! -What was that?

We didn't go screwing around all the time.

Just sometimes.

You never told us that!

-How do you explain that to kids? -I'm 47!

-And Paul is dead. -Yes, Dad's dead.

And since then things have gone to hell. Open marriage, fuck a duck!

-Now I've got a headache. -I feel sick.

I have painkillers in my toilet bag.

Sure.

Pass me the...

-Potatos? -Yeah.

Patatas.

Oh man.

Um... Hello. Sorry, I...

Yeah, it's...

a madhouse.

Casa de crazy-crazy.

Yeah.

Man...

You're so grown up. I didn't recognise you.

Your mum, I really...

I really like your madre.

Yes, well, her real name's Böttcher.

Can I help?

No clue what you just said. Yes.

But... May I ask a really stupid question?

Save it.

If you've already planned it out, with a surrogate and all,

are you sure you'll find someone who'll do it?

-Or is there an agency? -There are agencies for everything.

-For partners, surrogates, affairs. -Isn't it illegal?

It is a legal grey zone, but luckily we have someone.

-Uh-huh. -You're serious about this.

-In Germany or Spain. Where? -No, here on the island.

-You've already seen her. -Oh!

Come and join us. That'd make at least one normal person.

It is already very...

-Late. -Si, late.

Next time show me the grape press...

Good.

Well, then...

-What? -There's news.

What is it now?

Is Mum having herself made into a man?

Close.

Guess who their child's surrogate is going to be?

No clue. Do I know her?

You were just checking out her arse.

Lucia and...

Yep.

Why? Is she doing it for money?

-She doesn't want money. -She's just going to give you her baby?

Heavy, giving up your baby.

You dream of it!

It's not like that.

Luci'a's lesbian.

-Nonsense. -She is.

-She doesn't look it at all. -You need to work on your homophobia.

You hit on her and she bats for the other team.

-I didn't hit on her! -Lucia wants a child too.

That's difficult without a man's participation.

But then she won't give you her child when it's born.

-Yes, that's why we have an agreement. -I can't wait to hear this.

We'll raise the baby together.

Luci'a's going to move into our house.

Our house?

Yes, we're going to put an addition on.

Wow.

-Sounds sensible. -It sounds sensible to you?

Uh, yeah.

Everyone gets what they lack and everyone's happy.

-I'm not happy. -I'm sorry about that.

But that's your problem and not ours.

-Do you have a name? -We have a favourite.

And that is?

Guess.

Adolf.

Enough.

Quit while you're ahead, although it's too late for that.

No dessert?

-Know where I can get smokes? -Of course!

That didn't exactly go as planned.

Don't take it to heart.

We have to give them time.

You're right.

As always.

I admire your composure.

That's because of your life experience.

And because of my hash cookies.

Hash cookies?

Crazy evening, huh?

There always has to be drama in this family.

Hey, your PE teacher,

is it right that his name is Benjamin Seifert?

-Yes, why? -It's funny. I know a Benjamin Seifert.

He was two years ahead of me in school and is a PE teacher.

Really?

I always thought he was great.

We even went out together.

Until I got sick of gay bars.

It was a big deal when Benny came out in school.

It was really brave because he played football.

I'm sure there's a picture of him on your school's website.

Okay, okay, okay. You win.

He's gay. There's nothing going on between us.

People usually act like they're not having an affair when they are,

but you're doing the exact opposite.

It's strange.

Yeah... it's complicated.

Seems it.

At first, I just liked to talk to Benny, without any kind of ulterior motives.

And then Stephan was suddenly jealous.

I liked that.

Liked it?

No idea how it is with you, but we've been married 19 years.

I've become like a prop to Stephan. I'm just there.

I'm taken totally for granted, like a house plant.

Except I don't even need watering.

And that's changed since you've had "not-a-thing" with Benny?

Yes, he's completely changed. He shows emotions.

But shitty emotions.

Yes, shitty emotions.

But it's better than none at all.

It's his way of telling me that he loves me.

Okay.

And why not tell him the truth now?

No, because then everything will be the same as ever.

As you wish. No worries, I won't tell anyone.

I won't tell anyone about your little secret either.

-What do you mean? -That you're on the pill.

I saw them in your toilet bag while looking for painkillers.

Eureka!

Shit!

Shit!

Those arseholes!

Oh, it's you.

Everything okay?

Everything's dandy.

-What are you wearing there? -Hm?

Pyjamas. I borrowed them from René.

You look good in pink.

What are you doing out here?

I was trying to get reception, and got it.

Unfortunately.

Not good news?

Another chance to poke fun of me. I didn't get it.

The dean's job.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

No, you're not.

Yes, I give you a hard time, but of course I'm sorry.

Thanks.

But that doesn't do me any good either.

And why didn't you get it?

They selected someone else. A biology professor.

-She's 10 years younger. -A woman, that's harsh.

Sex is irrelevant. I didn't lose at arm wrestling.

Aargh! It all makes me so sick.

I thought your career didn't matter to you.

It's not about my career.

What then?

Well...

recognition.

I want to be challenged again.

Everything's over so fast. It's all downhill from 50.

You think the world's at your feet

and suddenly you're too old to reach down for it.

That's...

That's deep.

And I thought you were doing it for the money.

Of course money's a factor.

I don't know how we're supposed to pay for that damn private school.

Are things that tight?

-I took out a loan. -What?

Elisabeth can't find out about it.

It's complicated, or I'd have asked Elisabeth

to feel Dorothea out about...

About?

About an advance on the inheritance.

They say it's better to gift it than bequeath it.

I mean, how much is this place worth?

It's... No idea.

It depends how big the property is.

I don't want a second child.

If acting doesn't take off soon, that's it. It's downhill from 40.

-Sorry. -It's all right.

Things probably go downhill for teachers from 30.

So we have a deal?

-Not a word to anyone. -Deal.

Not a word to anyone.

656,

57, 58...

59.

-Bigger than I thought. -Uh-huh.

Yes, but oh well. René will get most of it now that they're married.

-What do you mean? -Yes, well...

It's called a "community of accrued gains".

Those esoteric romantics won't have a prenup.

You're right.

-Do you have reception? -I pay good money for it.

"The surviving spouse inherits

half, while the other half is divided among the children."

That means René gets half

and Elisabeth and I each only get a quarter?

That's why he married her.

And if they have a child, then...

then Elisabeth and I will only get...

a sixth?

That miserable bitch!

What?

-What?

I was just thinking.

That means that René

will get half as the widower

and as an adopted child

he'll get part of the other half too.

-I can't believe it. -That'll leave you with...

just an eighth.

Keep laughing. Same goes for you two.

Hold on. Like this. It's tricky.

-It was lovely. -Yes.

-Sleep tight. -You too.

You know what?

I'll give you the money.

-What? -For the kids.

-What? -So they can...

keep going to Hogwarts.

What? No!

I'll look even dumber in front of Elisabeth.

Her brother has to get me out of a jam. No!

She doesn't need to know.

I'll give you as much as you need and we won't talk about it.

I... i don't even know what to say.

You don't need to say anything.

Maybe just thanks.

Thanks.

I feel...

I don't know, but today I feel so...

lighter than I've felt in a long time.

But the thing with Lucia is a shame. Don't you think?

Yeah.

-What's a shame? -Well...

that she's lesbian.

Oh, I don't care.

The moon!

Has it been up there the whole time?

Nope.

I'm envious.

-Of the moon? -Of you.

You have a gorgeous young job,

a well-paid wife.

A sweet little girl,

and a boy's coming soon.

Ah, not yet.

But soon.

With your testisterone.

That's not quite what it was either.

Ah, ha-ha-ha.

It has such amazing energy, this tree.

I'll let you in on a secret. Yeah?

But...

I...

have to give nature a bit of a helping hand.

With pornos?

I take the blue pills.

-Blue pills? -Mm-hmm.

Since the birth,

I've been a bit...

traumatised.

I mean, my little girl came out of there and...

I can't put my...

Erectile dysfunction.

But, the blue pills...

have to keep me going.

Yes, son and heir.

I don't have any brothers.

And if I don't have a son, then that's it for the Böttchers.

That's all she wrote for our name.

-Thomas? -Yes?

I feel very close to you right now.

I love you.

I love you too.

But don't tell Anna.

-That we love each other? -Mm-hmm.

-And about the blue pills. -Right!

All right.

No.

She'd take it personally.

And inhale...

And...

exhale.

It's so good to do something for myself.

Inhale.

Right? This exercise has given me a new feel for my body.

Exhale.

The only sport I do is kids' gymnastics.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Buenos dias, Lucia!

Buenos dias, René. Que tal?

Inhale.

Where does Lucia live?

In Josefa's old house. For now.

-Was Josefa married? -No.

Inhale.

-And Luci'a's father? -Exhale. Dead.

-I see. -I don't.

Why doesn't she do something worthwhile? See the world, realise her dreams?

-Her life's ahead of her. -She loves this island.

She can be a vintner here. Why give that up?

I need to talk to her and show her what's possible.

She's young, pretty and has a trade.

Why ruin all of that with a child?

Really?

-What? -You just insulted your wife.

And all mothers.

You know exactly what I mean...

Well, you know...

I'm not talk...

Keep it up. Inhale, exhale.

Listen here, my whole life revolves around our daughter.

-You don't seem attracted to me anymore. -Nonsense!

-And you want another child? -One, two, all the same physically.

-You're incredible! -I got up nights and gave her your milk.

When you had your random auditions.

You really think I pumped that milk?

-I don't know. -Thomas!

A person can't pump that much milk. Did you see ever me pumping milk?

-No. -See? Because you weren't there!

It was just powdered milk.

What?

Are you nuts?

Paula will get allergies!

Nonsense! It was three years ago, does she have allergies?

That wasn't agreed. We discussed this.

Yes, we did. You tell me what to do with Paula, when and how.

But I'm the one who has to do it because you're off in Florida.

-That was business. -Golfing?

-Golfing is business! -And breastfeeding's my little pleasure.

What?

Aw, nothing. I...

I think you should be grateful to Thomas.

Grateful?

Your child is a kind of gift.

The perfect excuse.

For what?

Your lack of success.

No need to place the blame somewhere else, like with yourself.

Oh, no. What is it now?

Oh, Professor Hammock is lecturing on my lack of success.

Stephan, Anna was really good in that commercial.

Spoonful by spoonful

Yum. yum, yum, yum!

Well, it wasn't for cigarettes.

-I'm going stick a cigarette in your... -Anna!

Oh, sorry! You're best buddies after last night.

What did you do out there anyway?

You were walking around counting out loud.

Did you measure the property?

-Nonsense! -Maybe.

You measured it? Why?

Well, because we...

for purely mathematical reasons.

What was the result?

A bit over 30,000 square meters.

31,500.

And 60.

Someone knows the exact size.

It can't hurt, just in case.

I didn't know that. How do you?

It's in the land register.

Why do you know what's in the register?

It's obvious, after seizing power

he wants to conquer Lebensraum in the south.

-Stop comparing me to Hitler! -Admit you're out for the inheritance.

I just want to be informed, like you!

Hah! I knew it! He's following through on his scheme!

Until we're out. You want to replace Dad entirely.

-That's what you want. -Thomas, get a grip!

Yes!

No.

It's true.

But not like that.

I don't want to supplant Paul. That's impossible.

But do you know what I've heard my entire life?

"Poor René." "Look, René's here too."

"He only has Paul to thank for that."

But Paul isn't alive anymore. Sadly.

And now your mother loves me.

Even if it's hard, you have to accept that.

I don't have a "scheme".

I just don't want to be a second-class brother.

And most of all...

not a second-class husband.

-But you're not a second-class brother. -Depends, if you only discuss money...

Huh? We're not talking about money.

Who's talking about money?

-Do we need money? -I thought you had the dean's job.

Yes, he has the dean's job.

You're lying again.

-You're making that face. -Stop that!

"Yes, he's going to be dean."

It's true. He did it again.

-You're not going to be clean? -Let's change...

No, this interests me. He was just shooting his mouth off.

I...

I'm not dean. They chose someone else.

A woman.

Not that that matters nowadays.

I'm sorry.

You would have deserved it.

And don't worry about school fees. I'll lend it to you.

We...

No. We'd take out a loan first. Honestly.

You already took one out, without telling me.

People!

Come help me make breakfast.

Try the quince jam.

It's exquisite! It sweeps your worries away.

Not to kick you when you're down,

but maybe you shouldn't throw stones,

when you're on a thin branch yourself.

When you're on a thin branch, you actually should throw stones.

It lessens the chance of the branch breaking.

You should not throw stones though, when you're...?

In a glass house.

-So clever, yet so broke. -Anna, stop!

But one thing does console me.

Your faith?

The fact that I'm not the only problem child here.

Stephan!

-You betrayed me first. -Children, eat more and talk less.

No, your wife saw through me.

-What's up? -Nothing's up.

That's right, nothing's up.

Especially for Thomas, he needs blue pills.

You prick!

Since Paula's birth it's nothing doing down there without it.

-Is that true? -No, of course not. He's joking.

I only told you that to cheer you up.

So much gallantry doesn't suit you, but not getting it up does.

Who's the loser here?

"I'm broke, thanks for lending me money. I love you."

No wonder Elisabeth's screwing around.

-Punch him in the face! -Don't tell your husband to hit mine!

Since when have you been on his side?

Why are you deceiving your husband?

-What was that? -Anna's on the pill!

-What kind of pill? -Ecstasy, of course.

"The pill" usually means birth control.

-Thanks a lot. -Sorry. Self-defence.

-That makes no sense. -They never do.

Things only "make sense" in English. It's an Anglicism.

Here's another Anglicism.

-That's simply English. -But...

-But we've been trying to get pregnant. -Drug industry's dream!

Just shut your damn face!

I don't want another child.

Paula keeps me busy enough, and, honestly, you too.

Yeah, but that's something we decide together, right?

Yes, together, not just you.

Why do we have sex all the time?

Some people just have sex, but there has to be a mutual attraction.

Oh, you two have some issues, huh?

Not as bad as the sick shit going on between you two.

Hello!

How about we all just chill a bit. Hm?

This place is full of so much natural beauty.

Isn't this grand?

It's like the rushing waves want to tell us a mysterious story.

Sure, we have our problems, but "sick shit"?

What did you mean by that?

Maybe there are things you don't know.

Like?

Want to tell him yourself, or should I?

What about our deal? Is it off, or what?

Think about what you blurted out about the pill.

Okay, fine.

Benny Seifert is what we thought René was.

-A clarinettist? -Gay!

He's gay. We've got nothing going on. I feigned it.

Feigned it?

But Why?

You could've told me and everything would've been normal.

That's the difference between us. For you normal is good, for me it's bad.

-Normal is bad? -Yes.

-Okay. -It means you're uninterested in me.

It means you treat me like your housekeeper, it's crap!

Then tell me that instead of driving me crazy for weeks.

I have! I've told you millions of times.

Insinuations, obvious hints, rabid tirades, the whole shebang.

But, as the irony of fate would have it, a lit professor who believes in words

doesn't react to them at all.

And so you invent an affair with a gay PE teacher?

There was no one else around.

Is he really gay, or is he heterosexual and involved with his adoptive mother?

-I've heard that happens. -He is gay.

I went to school with him.

I can't believe how dishonest you all are to each other.

I can't remember raising you like that.

Dorothea's right. You have to open up, or everything just piles up.

-As open as the door to the baby's room? -It was meant as a surprise!

Mum, do you think it's different in other families?

-I sure hope so. -Let's say, Lucia's family.

Do you think Lucia and her mother had secrets?

Or her father?

Do you have something specific in mind?

No, I'm just facilitating the openness Mum is so desperately pleading for.

Elisabeth, I can imagine you're very agitated,

but we had enough turmoil this morning.

But then everyone has to be candid, or can you lie if you're a certain age?

There's a difference between lying and letting something rest.

What are you talking about?

We're not talking about anything.

Can you stop speaking in riddles?

Well,

last night I was relegated to sleeping on the sofa because...

Yes, get to the point.

I lay awake in the moonlight and my eye caught a photo album,

with family photos of us,

Mum, Dad, little Elisabeth, Thomas and René.

The good old days, us vacationing on Lanzarote.

-Dad still had very thick hair. -How nice.

Yes.

And then there were other photos.

This time with Dad, with thinner hair,

and, surprisingly,

with our housekeeper.

Him with Josefa, bathing, in the garden, hiking.

And then Josefa suddenly got

rounder and rounder from photo to photo.

And suddenly there's Dad playing lovingly with a little girl.

-Oh! -"Oh" what?

-I don't believe that. -What? Talk sense.

The girl in the photo is Lucia.

Dad played with the lesbian? Why?

Lucia is Dad's daughter!

Lucia is our half-sister!

You hit on your own sister yesterday.

Dorothea, is that true?

-Lucia is Paul's daughter? -Is that so... important?

Is it important?

I do everything to step out of Paul's shadow,

to find my own place in life, to have my own family,

and the prospective mother of my child is Paul's daughter?

Yes, that is important!

That is strange.

But...

it was your idea, and Lucia was taken with it right off.

And why not? This way it stays in the family.

Cut the family crap.

If Paul has another child it affects the inheritance.

But that's obviously secondary.

None of this can be true.

I'm shaken.

Me too!

And disappointed, Mum. You lie, Dad lies.

The whole family lies.

Aren't you overreacting a bit?

Our family doesn't exist at all.

It's all a big fake.

Well...

I'm fed up.

I don't like to say Thomas is right, but in this case...

Mum, how can I ever trust you again?

And you clearly don't trust me at all, or you'd have told me.

It's just sad.

I'm going to go with them.

Maybe you should do a DNA test to be sure.

I want to go home immediately.

Maybe we can rebook.

I feel so incredibly dumb.

Oh, nonsense! You couldn't have guessed it.

I am and remain the second clarinet.

-Try to see the good in it. -Which is?

Your child would be related to the family in the truest sense.

-Genetically and all. -How sad for us.

So you're disappointed?

Yes.

I expected more honesty from you, Mum.

-More honesty? -Yes!

Says the man who hides his erectile issues from his wife?

Because it's so unmanly to have a weakness, right?

Why is that? Why do you have such a screwed-up idea of masculinity?

Oh, and of femininity.

Because it scares you shitless to think about your weaknesses?

Honesty.

Yes.

But people who are honest to you get punished.

Like your wife, who doesn't want to admit your child stresses her out.

She's allowed. Children are terribly stressful!

Look at you guys.

And you're no better. Feigning an affair to mess with your husband?

If you want to draw him out of his shell really go screw someone else.

Oh, don't panic. You know how fast she'd run back to you?

Or do you really think she wants a buff PE teacher?

No, she wants an unfit literature professor.

You'd know that if you paid her a little more attention.

Put down "Effi Briest" and "Minna von Barnhelm"

and interpret your own wife's act.

Then you won't have to worry about money on your own.

You're disappointed by Paul and me?

Unlike you, we were honest with each other.

We were there for each other.

We forgave each other's weaknesses instead of playing stupid games.

And you.

What about me?

If you don't want to be treated like a child, don't act like one.

-I don't get it. -I wanted a partner.

Not a lifelong child.

Instead of an equal partnership,

you've gradually given up your own life.

And the reason I support your desire to have a child

is so you have more in your life than me.

-Wouldn't a dog have sufficed? -I'm allergic.

I'm sorry, but no one in this family is perfect.

No one belongs on a pedestal, not me, not Paul, nor any of you.

It's no reason to be shaken.

On the contrary, be relieved.

Families aren't important because everything's perfect,

but because things are not all perfect

in this life.

Oh, I have one more question.

Who the hell ate all my hash cookies?

I'll bake new ones.

Strange family.

And we dummies marry into it.

We're strange too.

Yeah, maybe a little.

The rest of the week was more laid back,

but not because of my cookies for once.

Stephan pulled out all the stops

and Elisabeth finally got the attention she deserves.

Take a seat.

First a glass of champagne.

Thomas and Anna are rediscovering what they share.

We'll see how long that works out.

Plans for a second child are on hold.

And René vented his anger

until he found his inner balance.

Nothing beats a few lovely days

in the bosom of one's dearly beloved, imperfect family,

which now also includes Lucia.

As so often following a journey, you're a bit wiser afterwards.

Crazy!

By the way, Rene' put his clarinet away quickly,

and he had little time to grow wine either.

We're busy with something else now.

A year later, our wish for a child came true.

And this time we needed two first names.

And so, the drama continues

for the Königs, for the Böttchers,

and for the Bergers, as it does for the Müllers,

the Meyers and the Schulzes.

No Limits Media 2021 Subtitles: Nathan Fritz et al.