Original subtitles

[music]

Ms. Cora will be here shortly.

She's gonna be looking after things during the day

while your father and I are gone.

Why do we need a babysitter?

She's literally going to college.

Yeah, I mean, I can look after things.

You tried to get Philip to pretend he was stuck

in a well so you could get money from donations.

And it would have worked, too, had he not punked out.

You had me out the back digging a hole all day!

We needed a well!

I don't know why you're complaining.

You didn't even finish!

It was 20 feet deep and you didn't even give me a shovel.

I was doing it with a spoon, man!

Whew, these kids are soft, soft as hell.

Okay, there is a pan of lasagna in the oven

for dinner tonight, okay?

Okay, what about dinner for tomorrow?

There's another pan of lasagna in the refrigerator

-for tomorrow's dinner. -Okay, well, what if you

decide to stay an extra day?

Mm, there's another pan of lasagna in the freezer.

You can heat that up.

Dang, that's a lot of luggage.

You sure you're only going for the weekend?

Yeah, you know, this boy done have abandonment issues

ever since we left him at that playground at McDonalds.

-Mm-hmm. -Best two hours of my life.

You have to worry about him locking on to your leg

every time he saw a cheeseburger.

Cheeseburger? Don't leave me, man.

We are definitely going. Look...

Your father and I have been planning

for this trip for months. And we are not

to be disturbed, okay? Okay.

I know that's right. Two nights, three days

on the tropical island without the smell

of old folks' ointment.

-And nobody calling me Daddy. -Except me, Zaddy.

-Ew. -That is disturbing.

[music]

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

[music] [doorbell]

Cora, we got a lot of stuff to do today.

We do. Lord, bless our day.

-Cora? -Huh?

I can't believe you let me go off and forget my lunch.

What do you mean I let you forget your lunch?

It's your lunch. You shoulda

-remembered it yourself. -See, this is exactly why

I need an assistant right here.

Well, you coulda had an assistant

if you wasn't so cheap. You didn't wanna pay.

-Cheap? -Yes.

I resemble that remark.

-It's resent. -Whatever it is, Cora.

And anyway, I paid my assistant $20 an hour.

Mr. Brown, you paid him with made-up money.

What? Brown bucks is just as good

-a money as anything else. -He couldn't spend 'em nowhere

but at your house, Mr. Brown.

He had to shop for groceries outta your kitchen.

Well, Cora, Brown Mart offers everyday low prices

for good, quality products.

-Ooh, hey baby. -Oh, hey.

Ooh, that wasn't no happy greeting.

So, what's going on with you?

Yeah, who put hot dog weenie water in your Kool-Aid?

I'm sorry, I'm just annoyed that I got turned down

-for another internship. -Oh, it's okay, sweetheart.

You'll get one eventually. It'll work out.

Well, I need one soon. It's a requirement

for my senior year to graduate next spring.

-Paid or unpaid? -Unpaid.

-I just need the credit. -Oh, well,

just so happen I'm looking for an intern.

-You do internships? -Yeah, I am what you call

a intern logistical corporate director supervisor ensemble.

More like cheap executive officer.

Cora, why don't you be the director

of being quiet? Thank you so much.

Well, you know what? I gotta go dispense medications

to the residents anyway.

Cora, you don't know nothing about being no nurse.

Well, I'll have you know Leah left detailed instructions

and it'll be fine. I got this.

-Oh, okay. -So what all would I have

-to do as your intern? -You will, uh, file stuff,

uh, answer the phone, and get my lunch.

That sounds more like an assistant.

Assistant, intern, tomato, ketchup,

it's all the same stuff. You want the job or what?

Yeah, I'll take it. When does the job start?

20 minutes ago. You're already late

on your first day. Docked.

But you're not getting paid.

Okay, what I need you to do is I need you

to file a couple boxes of paperwork.

-Okay, you got it. -Yeah, you don't need no help?

No, I can handle a couple boxes.

Okay, get to it. It's good to have you on board.

-All right. -[Mr. Brown] Thank you.

[music] [doorbell]

Well, ain't got nothing to do now, I got an assistant.

That's what people with assistants do,

they don't never do nothing.

They just ask the assistant to do everything.

[slurping] Oh, I'm tired

of watching you already.

These are the last of the couple boxes.

-Oh, thank you. -Oh, who's working for UPS?

Oh, she work for the original Brown.

-This is my intern. -Oh, you're his intern?

[laughs] Blink twice if he's holding you

against your will, okay?

I wish I could blink twice and make you just disappear.

So, how do you want these organized?

Okay, I want these files organized in two,

uh, three different categories. Okay, the first category is,

-uh, pay immediately. -Okay.

Second category is put something on it.

Third category is you ain't fittin'

to get a dime outta me.

Fittin' to get a dime outta me, got it.

-[Mr. Brown] Right. - Think about it,

them boxes probably empty like your damn head.

-Are you following the train... -Shut up.

-Following the train... -Shut up!

Oh, this right here. These are my important files.

That's where I keep all my brilliant ideas.

-Braces with windshield wipers? -Yeah.

You never have to brush your teeth again.

Right so, where's the battery to power these?

Oh, I'm still working the kinks outta that concept.

Which reminds me, I gotta go to the house and get my lunch.

Oh, we have food. Mom made lasagna.

Oh, no, no, I need some brain food.

Something to make my brain work. Ooh, I made a big old pot

-of jerk possum. -Mr. Brown,

-you eat roadkill? -No, the road didn't kill it.

My neighbor did. He caught him coming

in his trash just like that. And then the thing

just fell over. I drug him in the house,

put him in some water, boiled him, put some gravy on him,

put some potatoes on him. Whew! That's good.

You didn't take the fur off?

I...I got...that's what I'm tasting.

Okay, besides gagging, what should I do while you're gone?

Uh, I need you to file all of this stuff right here.

I need you to hurry up and do it pinto.

You mean pronto?

Okay, see, that's finna' be a problem.

See, ' cause what you're not finna' do is you're not

finna' sit here and look me in my face

and try to correct me like you're the boss.

I'm the boss. That's the problem.

You've been, all day you been doing this.

You need to be doing this.

You're going like this, and you need to go...

Thank you. Now, I need you

-to get this stuff done, when? -Pinto.

Thank you. Ooh, these kids don't know

how to...that's why you always getting fired.

I'm going home and I'm gonna bring some possum back.

I'll see you in a minute. [music]

-Hey, so how's it going? -Great.

Mr. Brown is teaching me his filing system.

-Oh, I bet that's an adventure. -And then some.

So why didn't his last assistant work out?

Oh, they didn't, um, they didn't speak the same language.

-Oh. -Yeah.

Eduardo spoke good English. The problem was Mr. Brown.

-Hm. -But you hang in there.

[doorbell] -Hey, y'all.

Mom? Dad?

Shouldn't you guys be on a plane to a tropical island right now?

Nah, the island got hit by a major storm.

Hurricane Rashida came through and shut everything down.

Mm-hmm. I hadn't been so annoyed

by a sister since Stacey Dash.

Are you guys gonna get a room somewhere else?

[sighs] No. We prepaid for that trip.

Ugh, our tropical vacation will now be a tropical staycation.

Yep, but the same rules apply. We not here,

and we do not wanna be bothered.

Okay.

Mm-hmm, I told you these Christmas lights was gonna

come in handy again.

Is that why you keep them up until after MLK Day?

Oh, yeah, yeah. This is our I Have a Dream tree.

Yeah, now look. I know this ain't

the romantic getaway that we planned.

But I think we can make the best of this.

-Mm-hmm. -There you go.

-Put some in there. -Mojitos.

You trying to get me tipsy, boy?

No. I'm trying to get you drunk.

-You been drinking. -You drunk.

-Why is it so dark in here? -Uh, I don't recall

saying enter. -Uh, Mom, I need help.

-Your mother ain't here. -She...she's literally

-right behind you. -Boy, that's

your imagination, all right? We somewhere on the beach.

Look, look, Mom, it's gonna be real quick.

Jeremy and Leah are not in right now.

Please leave a message at the tone, beep.

-Now, where was I? -I think you were trying

-to take advantage of me. -Mm-hmm.

[knocking] Ugh, we gotta lock that door.

I need your help. I think I might have

-gotten myself into something. -You know what?

That's funny. That's funny.

'Cause right now you blocking me from getting into something.

Okay, look, I'm working as Mr. Brown's assistant,

but he has me doing all of these crazy filing systems,

like alphabetizing his notes based on the color

of the outfit he was wearing that day.

And he wears a lot of colors in one day.

I mean, if that's part of the job, sweetie,

then you just have to roll with it.

I wish I never agreed to be his assistant.

The point of an internship is to prepare you

for the real working world, sweetheart.

And sometimes that includes working for colorful bosses.

Yep, and she means that literally.

Leave.

You need to figure out how to use your skills

to make it work and be the best assistant

-he ever had. -It's a pretty low bar.

You know, one of his assistants was

on America's Most Wanted while working for him.

-Hey. -But you're right.

I think I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

I know what you could do. Haul ass.

[music] Mm-mm.

[music]

You almost finished with my stuff?

What y'all done did with my files?

What you do...somebody done stole my files!

Call the po po! Where my files at?

Y'all do something! Somebody done broke in

-and stole my files! -Mr. Brown,

-Mr. Brown, calm down. -We weren't robbed.

Ain't no calm down. I bet you it was

an inside job. The butler did it, didn't he?

Mr. Brown, no one stole your files.

Really? Whew, you about

to give me a heart attack. What y'all do?

-Y'all shrunk 'em? -I got rid of 'em.

What?

Mr. Brown, your files are safe, okay?

Philip helped me scan them and upload them to the cloud.

The cloud? Why y'all put 'em in the clouds?

This way's less messy 'cause there's no physical papers

and you can have access to them at any time you want.

Okay, I gotta rent a helicopter every time I wanna go up

and get a piece of paper? And do I need

to wear a mask to get 'em out? And what if it rains?

Mr. Brown, not in a cloud in the sky.

The cloud is a bunch of servers in a data center

that's located around the world.

They're on my computer.

Why you just didn't say, "They're in my computer?"

Why you gotta say, "Mr. Brown, they in a data center

-all around the world"? -Okay, look.

-What do you think? -Okay, let me see it.

Oh, so I just click right there and go?

-Oh. -Okay.

I got to admit, I was a big skeptic.

But y'all got it done. Don't think I'm some old fart

that don't know nothing about technology,

'cause I know this kind of stuff.

[beeping]

Yeah, that's one of the investors that wanna invest

in my ingenious ideas. Yeah.

Do me a favor and pull up the tiger stripe leisure suit.

Okay? I gotta go take this call.

-All right. -Oh, and by the way...

-You're doing a great job. -Thank you.

I know you was gonna do it. When I first looked

at you in the face, I said, "She can do it."

Did you hear that? I'm crushing this internship.

No, what I did hear is that he has

a tiger striped leisure suit. He probably look like

a husky Tony the Tiger.

Okay, now to just pull up his little file.

-Oh my God. -Oh God, the tiger print's

-worse than we thought? -The files are gone!

What? That's impossible.

We uploaded them to the cloud. They're in the cloud.

-They should be in the cloud. -Stop saying cloud, okay?

I need to find this file or I'm dead.

Okay, okay, okay,

what happened to the original files?

The garbage man picked them up from the curb 30 minutes ago.

-But why did you do that? -I was trying

-to be a good intern! -Well, you can

kiss that credit goodbye. That credit's gone,

just like the original files. Just like Mom's cooking skills.

Just like Dad's swag. Just like Miss Anastasia's

-acting career. -Okay, I got it!

[music]

[moaning] [knocking]

[Vinnie] I know you're in there! I can smell hot wax,

mojito, and baby oil.

Look, maybe if we just pretend to be quiet and sit still,

he'll go away like a Jehovah's Witness.

[Vinnie] I'm not gonna fall for the Jehovah's Witness bit.

I ain't stupid.

Damn it, Vinnie, what you want?

Where's Leah? I'm having a medical emergency.

What's wrong, Grandpa Vinnie?

Well, something's funny, okay?

For the last couple hours, okay, I been feeling kinda bloated

and my breasts are real sore, they're swollen and sore,

-just sore, you know? -Bloating and sore boobs?

Yes, just, like, really sore.

-Am I having a stroke? -Nah, man.

I'm pretty sure that's just PMS.

Just like a man to think everything has

to do with the period.

You should be fine, Grandpa Vinnie.

Just go drink plenty of water, put your feet up.

And what about a bubble bath? 'Cause I really feel

-like taking one. -Yeah, go for it!

Can I use some of your scented oil?

-Yes. -And that thing for the back?

Goodbye.

-Yeesh. -Yes.

-Can we get back to business? -Come on now.

-My God. -Mm-hmm.

What you got for me? [laughter]

[knocking]

Hey, hey Leah, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, y'all.

I gave Vinnie Ms. Geraldine's estrogen medicine by mistake.

-What? -I don't know how it happened.

But, you know, Vinnie was just whining about his special pills

and in some kind of way I got 'em all mixed up.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold on. What did you give Ms. Geraldine?

You didn't?

I know I did, I did. But look, look.

She seemed to be fine, though. She just keep riding around

on her scooter and I can't get her to stop

so I can just see if she's okay.

All right, look, baby, I'm sorry, but I need

-to go make sure she's okay. -Please.

Come on, come on, Cora. I don't know what's wrong

-with her, but we gonna see. -Okay, okay.

-[Leah] I'll be back, baby. - We'll be back, baby.

-[Leah] I'll be back, baby! - We'll be back, baby!

Please tell me you found them.

Nope, but I did find a video of you reciting

-love poems to Lil Uzi. -Give me that.

Look, I'm really impressed that you found that many words

that rhyme with "Uzi".

-Those are personal and private. -Well, excuse me.

What words do rhyme with "Uzi"?

Are you sure there's nothing else you can do?

Yeah, those files are gone.

I'm wishing we could rent a helicopter

and go up to the cloud and get 'em.

Ah, not me. You know, heights make me

a little, a little woozy. Woozy, Uzi?

[laughs]

Oh, sweet Sandra and young Philip.

What are you two lovely children doing?

[sighs] We're in the middle of a crisis.

Oh, what's your problem? Maybe I can help.

We lost some files on the computer.

Oh, you know, when I misplace something,

I like to sit still and just think about

the last place I saw it.

Well, I don't know if that'll work but I'll

give it some thought. -Whatever you think,

-whatever you think is best. Would you two kids

like a butterscotch? -No thanks.

Are you sure you don't want a butterscotch?

-We're good. -Okay.

Good luck on your little situation.

-Butterscotch. -It's fine, thank you.

Okay, last chance for butterscotch!

-Please, please. -No, thank you.

Okay, praise the Lord.

Well, maybe Grandpa Vinnie was on to something.

Look, I'm desperate. I'll try anything.

Okay, now think back. What is on that file?

The file says what? Focus...

I can't if you don't shut up.

Wow, somebody's a little moody! Moody, Uzi?

Oh my gosh, I'm in the zone.

I'm not getting anything.

[sighs] Okay, maybe you have to think like Mr. Brown.

-What makes him tick? - His brain food.

His jerk possum.

I think you know what you have to do.

-No. -Yes.

[Sandra] No, anything but that.

[gagging]

-Oh, no. -This is all you.

Yep, that's you.

I can't go through with it.

Oh, you done got my food all ready?

Yeah, you done started reading my mind.

See, that's what makes a good internship.

You're a good intern. I like you.

No, Mr. Brown, actually I'm not. I was so excited about

putting your files on my computer,

I accidentally deleted them.

-You what? -I'm sorry.

-I understand if I'm fired. -Okay, no.

You not fired. It took a lot of courage

to say I did wrong. I'm not gonna fire you.

Look, we're sorry. We looked everywhere for 'em.

Y'all look in the trash can?

The garbage man picked them up already.

No, I'm talking about the trash can on the computer.

Found 'em.

Whoop there it is. I'm a genius.

Told ya, I'm with this new stuff.

I got all the latest technology. I know all about all this.

I can work computers and everything.

That reminds me. Can you take my portable camera

by the place and get it developed for me?

Get me two prints. Thank you so much.

Y'all want some of, you want some of that possum?

Oh, you know what, I just ate. I'm so full.

-Really? You sure? -I'm so full.

-Just taste a piece of it. -I'm stuffed, really.

You know what?

Philip hasn't eaten anything today.

Nah, I'm full.

Butterscotch all the way to the top.

Okay, well that's more for me.

All right, I'm gonna go back.

[music] [knocking]

[sighs] Come in. I don't even know why

we got a door.

Hey guys. I'm sorry to interrupt you guys,

but can you two please come with me for a second?

Is Grandpa Vinnie and Ms. Geraldine okay?

Oh yeah, everybody's fine. They fine.

I just need...I need you to come with me.

It won't take long. Just a second.

Thank you.

We coming. Come on, baby.

Surprise!

Wow, this is awesome!

Well, we just wanted to do something special for you

and say we're sorry for interrupting your staycation.

So we wanted y'all to have a little bit more private time,

so Mr. Brown got all of us a suite at the hotel

so you guys could have the house to yourself.

Now, go ahead, we're gonna put your...

Welcome to your own...your own private island

called Hanawanalaya.

[laughter]

-Y'all enjoy each other. -Enjoy!

Thank you. Aw, this is really awesome.

It is. But why didn't they just

-give us the hotel suite? -Right?

[doorbell] Mm-hmm.

-You hungry? -Mm-hmm.

Well, I got some lasagna. And lasagna, and lasagna.

Nobody want no more of that damn lasagna.

-Cheers, baby. -Cheers.

-I love you. -I love you too.

Do we have to stay out here? Can we go back to the room?

Yep. We trying to get that other lay.

You trying to get laid. [laughter]

[music]

[music]

[music]

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