Original subtitles

(laughs) (grunts)

Give me my ten points!

I'm not giving you anything, cheater.

I'm offended by your accusations.

Yeah, and I'm offended that you used a marker to try to change

four dots to five.

Innocent until proven guilty, right Judge?

That marker's hanging out of your pocket.

- (doorbell ringing) - Damn, I hate a snitch.

Dad, Dad, Dad!

Finally found a sport that I like!

Can you sign this permission slip for tryouts tomorrow?

Yeah, I can sign it!

Y'all hear that? My boy an athlete.

Yeah, yeah, and I'mma train with you.

You know your Daddy used to get it in, right?

- (laughing) - Thanks, Dad.

So, what is it, uh, basketball?

- No. - Football?

- No. - Soccer?

- No. - Well, what sport?

It's lacrosse.

- Lacrosse?! - (laughing)

I don't know nothing 'bout no damn lacrosse!

You know, I once dated a woman named Lacrosse.

Lacrosse Simpson was her name.

Ironically, she was cross-eyed.

And, and how's that help me with this?

Ain't nothing like having a woman that can watch your back

and hers at the same time.

Who even plays lacrosse?

Nobody black.

Not true, Jim Brown was an All-American

when he played lacrosse at Syracuse.

- Woah, Jim Brown? - Mmhmm.

Hall-of-fame football player Jim Brown?

(chuckling)

No, dummy, Jim Brown the cook at the Waffle Hut.

Considered one of the greatest lacrosse players ever.

You know they only let one black be great at a white man's sport.

That's ridiculous.

If that is ridiculous then how come Tiger Woods is the only

black professional golfer we've ever seen?

You know what?

That makes complete sense, yet no sense at all.

Look, many African Americans have contributed to lacrosse,

it's one of the growing sports in our community.

Alright, well I guess I better do my research

so I can help my boy out with his tryouts.

Hmm, before you do that give me my damn 20 points.

Get up out of here.

Come on, man. You used a red marker now.

This is, this is just horrible. This, this is how you cheat?

- (chuckling) - This is some lazy cheating.

(music)

(Male Singer) ♪ No matter what you do I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

(music)

Hey!

I got an interesting phone call today.

Look, Vice Principal Johnson's toupee had gorilla glue on it

before I got there.

Okay, that wasn't what I was talking about

but we can talk about that later.

(chuckles) No need to dwell on the past.

They said you were invited to a fancy ball

and they're meeting tomorrow.

Oh yeah, the Heirs of Renaissance are having a dance.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I'm not interested.

It's a group of bougie elitist black people holding a dance

that upholds sexist values and the patriarchal system.

Okay, that is so not how they described it

on the phone, Sandra.

They just said it was a formal dance.

Did I hear someone say formal dance?

Mom wants me to go to a celebration of oppression.

Uh, settle down, Sojourner Truth.

It's just a dance.

It's being organized by a group called

the Heirs of the Renaissance.

You're going to the Ellington Ball?

You're familiar with them?

The Heirs of Renaissance is this community's oldest organization

for black people.

Why do I need to attend a dance to see the oldest black people

in town? I mean, I could stay home for that.

It's an honor to be invited to the dance.

The organization sponsors numerous scholarships

and many of its alums have gone on to highly successful careers

including moi.

You had me at scholarships.

Guess who's going?

But I told you, they're elitist.

And your parents are broke-ist.

You need every scholarship dollar you can find.

Okay, well the invitation isn't even a done deal.

I still have to pass an etiquette test

at their stupid meeting tomorrow.

Hmm, well we might be in trouble.

Don't' worry, I can help whip her into shape.

You sure?

Stop slouching!

Shoulders back, chin up!

Clearly you have this, Miss Anastasia.

(music)

Okay, 10-person teams face off as they try to get

the small rubber ball into their opponent's goal.

Instead of throwing the ball with their hands

or kicking it with their feet, lacrosse players

use long sticks.

I guess that's this thing.

It's called a Crosse, Dad.

Be careful, things didn't work out too good

with the last black man carrying a cross.

Jesus, Grandpa.

That's exactly who I'm talking about.

Alright, lacrosse games can include fast breaks, picks,

and different defensive strategies such as zones

and man-to-man--

This just like basketball except no dribbling.

Or black people.

Don't you got something to do?

Nope, called the joy of retirement.

Alright, let's just focus on the rules, okay?

I mean, Dad, I know what lacrosse is about.

You don't' have to read the instructions

like you're building furniture from Ikea.

How's it going?

I'll tell you how it's going, old dummy is trying to explain

the game to a younger dummy.

Yeah, but decrepit dummy keep interrupting.

It's called colored commentating.

Block out the color commentating,

you're doing great.

Man, I tried to give myself a crash course real quick

so I wouldn't' look like an idiot, but...

Listen, you don't' have to be perfect,

you just have to be present.

I wish I realized that with my son.

You're right.

Hopefully Leah will have better luck.

(chuckling) Me too.

(music)

I printed the guidelines from the Ellington Ball's website.

Only a stuck-up dance has guidelines.

It is not stuck up, it is cultured and refined.

Now shut your trap!

Go ahead, Ms. Anastasia.

Proper etiquette on how to accept a gentleman's invitation

to dance.

Hold up, what if I want to ask him to dance?

Oh no, there are very strict rules about that.

Only the boys ask the girls.

So much for female empowerment.

Well, it's not like you have to say "yes",

a "no" is just as empowering.

That brings me to this part, when a young lady refuses

a gentleman's invitation to dance, she cannot accept

another invitation for the same dance.

Wait, I have to miss out on a dance if I tell a guy no?

Does that mean he's not allowed to ask anybody else

to dance until the song is over?

Um...

See, this is exactly the type of sexism I was talking about!

It's not sexism, Sandra, it's tradition.

Okay, well it was also tradition to be racist

but you don't see anyone trying to protect that.

Depends on who you talking to.

How about we move on to something else?

Now, for the fine dining portion of the evening.

A young lady should know the proper order of her silverware.

Okay baby girl, where's your salad fork?

(cheering)

Very good, fabulous.

Now, where is your dinner fork?

(exclaiming)

Baby that's your, that's your salad fork.

That I could just as easily use to eat dinner or dessert.

OH no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no!

You cannot recycle a fork during a formal dinner!

Were you raised in the wild, child?!

Ms. Anastasia!

You must use your dinner fork for the main course meal!

Okay, well that's wasteful. I mean think--

(shrieking)

Okay...

As I was saying, think about all the black and brown people

who probably have to wash these dishes on an unlivable wage.

Girl, you are trying my nerves!

You need this scholarship, get this right!

Let's move on to something else.

Please!

Shoulders back, chest out, chin up!

Impeccable posture is needed for the dance floor.

Oh, we can skip this lesson, I already know how to dance.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

(laughing)

- (shrieking) - Wait a minute, wait a minute!

(panting)

Back.

This is...

the Ellington Ball,

not a Cardi B video!

Okay!

Oooh.

Try it again, try it again, one more time.

- (trilling) - (clears throat)

Oh, hmmm, sorry.

For a formal ball, one must know how to ballroom dance.

I will lead, you follow.

- Ugh. - Come on, baby.

Give it a shot.

Chin up!

One, two, three, one, two, three, one--

Ow! You stepped on my toe, Sandra!

- My bad! - Careful!

- Again. - Scholarship.

Eyes up, don't' look down.

One, two, three, one--

Ow, that's my bunion!

- My bunion, oh Sandra! - You told me not to look down.

- (crying) - Alright.

Maybe, maybe we should take a break.

Okay, you know what?

I'm done, this is way too much work for a dance

that I didn't even want to go to. I'm out.

Baby girl!

(music)

Alright, okay, we're about to get you ready.

I need you to have the speed and agility of a cheetah.

Is the boy training to play lacrosse

or to be the Black Panther?

(chuckling)

My son is about to be the LeBron James of lacrosse.

Yeah, yeah, but with a better hairline.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You got your dad's genes, don't worry about that.

- Alright, you ready? - Yes, sir.

Okay, alright, what we're gonna do, we're gonna do

some burpees, we're gonna do the ladder,

then you're gonna sprint back.

Alright cool, sound like a piece of cake.

Yeah, we're gonna do that five times back-to-back.

That's called child abuse.

No, that's called preparing him for excellence.

That's the same damn thing Joe Jackson said.

If it'll make you feel better, I'll do it with you.

That's okay, Dad, I don't want you to hurt yourself.

I better call the paramedics right now.

You know what?

Here, you keep time 'cause I don't trust this one.

The only thing you shouldn't trust is them old-ass knees.

He's right, are you sure you want to do this?

(Vinny laughing)

Am I sure?

Yeah, I'm a dog! I do this!

Alright, on your mark, ready, set, go.

(grunting)

- (laughing) - (grunting)

(panting)

- Good job, son. - (Vinny laughing)

We can take a break, if you need.

No, I'm fine.

Boy, get me some water.

Go on, go on!

Maybe you should bring an oxygen tank too.

(Vinny laughing)

Oh my God.

(grunting)

I can't believe y'all let me do that.

That boy put a hurtin' on you.

But you gotta admit, he looked good doing it.

Yeah, from what I could see before I lost my vision.

Don't worry 'bout it, I got it all right here.

I'mma put this up online.

Just imagine if he could've applied that same athleticism

to basketball.

He'd have beat your ass at that too.

My boy is playing lacrosse.

Never would have saw that coming.

Now, basketball, football, baseball, track...

Basically some respectable black folks sports.

(chuckling)

(music)

Ms. Anastasia, Sandra has something she would like to say.

Hopefully I can hear it above my broken heart and bruised bunion.

That's a good place to start.

Look, Ms. Anastasia, I'm really sorry that I stepped

on your bunion.

I mean, I had no idea--

Woah, that is huge!

That's not how we apologize.

Mom, it looks like it's giving birth to another toe.

Stand up, stand up, stand up, look, focus, focus.

Okay, um, uh, as I was saying, I'm really sorry

that I stepped on your foot. Even more sorry for my behavior.

Sandra darling, have a seat.

Watch out for my bunion.

I really need you to understand the importance

of the Heirs of Renaissance.

It was created during a time where there was so much

negative imagery about black people.

The organization allows us to promote scholarship,

achievement, excellence, and community.

Wow, I, I didn't know that.

And now you're being asked to be a part of that tradition,

baby girl.

I know the Ellington Ball has some ways of thinking

that are out of date.

No, I was totally out of line for saying that.

No, you were right.

And I plan to contact the program director tomorrow

to see if we can revisit some of those rules and guidelines.

No, I don't' want to cause any trouble.

Like the great John Lewis said, "It's good trouble."

And it took a feisty young lady like yourself

to make me see that.

So does this mean you guys are gonna take back

calling me a brat and ungrateful?

Hmmmm, nah.

You had some valid points, baby girl,

but your approach was questionable.

But we do understand if you do not wanna go to the ball.

We do?

Right,

we do.

No, no, I want to.

And if you're still interested, I would love if you would

continue to train me.

(gasps) Oh, let's do it!

(chuckling)

Oh, be careful!

Sorry again.

It's okay, it's quite alright.

Alright, are you ready?

Ready.

Salad fork.

- Oh! - Yes!

(cheering)

Bravo, bravo!

Dessert spoon.

(shrieking)

(laughing)

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

(music)

(music)

(groans)

Damn son, I've been looking all over for you.

Which is hard considering I sprained my back, my ankle,

and my eyelid.

I'm just here chilling.

Well come on, hurry up. Let's get back to it.

I got some more workouts I want you to do.

Nah, that's okay.

What you mean, "that's okay"?

Look, I promise I won't show you up again, alright?

- I'm good. - You okay?

Come on, man, don't you want to get ready for tryouts?

I decided I'm not gonna try out.

What?!

What happened? You were so excited.

I overheard you laughing with Grandpa Vinny and Mr. Reggie

and how you wish I was playing a black sport.

Come on, son, you know how we are. We just being silly.

It ain't no such thing as a black sport or a white sport,

- alright? - Really?

Okay, what about hockey?

There some black players in the NHL,

I don't know their names but there's some in there.

Okay, NASCAR?

There's a black NASCAR driver.

His name is Bubba Wallace.

What about sailing?

Okay, you got me there.

Definitely no brothers in sailing.

But in my defense, you know, black people, we got this thing

with boats and this country.

We don't mess with that.

All I know is I finally found a sport that I wanted to play

and I thought you'd be proud.

Ah son, now, now look.

When you first told me lacrosse, I was a little bit thrown off.

But then I saw how excited you were

and how enthusiastic you were about this.

Honestly, I was proud.

You mean that? Yeah!

Yeah, cross my heart and hope to die.

Or do another burpee.

So come on, man.

Let's go get you ready for this tryout.

I'm ready if you're ready.

I'm ready, I'm ready, yeah.

Love you, Dad.

I love you too, son.

Hey, hey, hey, I don't want no hug.

I need help getting up.

You gonna walk me back to the living room.

Oh baby, can you pass me the remote?

Yo, I can't move.

Everything hurts from my eyebrows down.

(laughing) Poor baby.

But spending time with that boy was worth it.

Hmm, you think he's ready for tomorrow?

What?!

He's about to crush them tryouts.

- Awww. - How things go with Sandra?

Hmm, it started out rough, you know her.

But eventually she came around.

Ms. Anastasia whipped her right into shape.

(chuckling)

So she's all ready for her audition and whatever?

Yup!

That invitation is as good as hers, honey.

Shout out to us for being dope-ass parents.

Hmm!

We pushed them and we helped them out when they needed it.

We did that!

Mom, when can we go shopping?!

I need a gown, shoes, and of course a matching bag.

Hey Dad, can you buy me a helmet, shoulder pads,

elbow pads, and cleats?

Look like we done supported and pushed ourselves

into the poor house.

- Hmm. - So it that a yes?

Yeah, this is important.

If your mom get rid of her weave we can save some money.

- (music) - Ugh.

(music)

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