Original subtitles

[music]

Who would be frightened of an evil doll?

It's only two feet tall!

Exactly.

[screams]

I thought you weren't afraid of dolls.

I'm not!

This is just such a nice shirt you're wearing.

I wanted to take a closer look at the thread count.

-Mm-hmm. -It's very nice.

-Well, I'm married. -Oh, yes.

And if she come in here, that's yo ass.

[doorbell ringing]

I'ma get the doorbell.

No! Don't go out there, sista!

Don't you know that the Black character

always the first one to be killed?

Oh, there you go! You're dead, stupid.

[music]

Son of a...

You gotta be kiddin' me.

Someone toiled papered the house! Who would do that?

Ginger Johnson.

I stole her husband way back in 1978.

And for whatever reason, she's resented me ever since.

[doorbell ringing]

Doorbell again?

How can you not outrun a doll?!

It has got teeny tiny legs! Ugh, insane.

Who ordered all these pizzas?

Oh, good! The pizza's here!

I was, I was starvin'!

You owe my fifty bucks.

For a slice of pizza?

You can keep this, then!

Wait, so you didn't order all the pizza?

Oh, just 'cause I'm the big-boned one in the room.

Yeah, you look like you eat a lotta pizza.

And you look like you anorexic.

There's a note. "Enjoy the pies, losers!

And if the cheese makes you boo-boo,

we left you plenty of toilet paper in the yard!

Sincerely,

Pleasurable Years Assisted Living Facility."

[Mr. Brown]: What?!

We got pranked by the facility across the street!

-It's on now. -You about to go clean up?

I'm goin' to get my box of fantastic pranks

that I keep for a time like this.

Shots have been fired,

and it's the official prank war is on, now!

-We gonna get our revenge. -[doorbell ringing]

Ah, another doorbell?

The demon doll done picked up a butcher knife!

Jeremy, this movie isn't based on a true story, is it?

Pleasurable Years pranked us.

Now they sendin' flowers? That don't make sense.

Maybe they want to kiss and make up.

Well, I think somebody does.

"My darling Anastasia"?

"Call me at the Ritz.

With all my love, Antonio Pennybags the Fourth."

Who is Antonio Pennybags the Fourth?

My first ex-husband...

♪ No matter what you do I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember Blood ain't ever water♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

So, how long has it been since you've seen your ex?

Since disco dance and bell bottom pants.

Whoo, that was a long time ago.

Are you nervous about seein' him?

Not at all.

Because I'm not going to see him. Not ever!

Well, why not?

A good man is like a good chocolate.

Sweet and rich. And Antonio was both.

Okay, so, what's the problem?

Ours was a whirlwind romance. We met at noon.

And were making love at 1:05.

He was fast.

Quite the contrary.

He lasted the entire seven-hour flight to Paris.

We were rockin' the cabin so hard,

I'm surprised the oxygen masks didn't drop down.

Okay, I get it.

No, I got it. Six ways from Sunday.

Wait, seven hours?!

We got married that very night.

And spent two years in newlywed bliss.

Antonio was truly my soulmate.

So, what's the problem?

That scoundrel cheated on me!

First with my personal assistant.

Then with my very own sister!

Sheesh! I hope that wasn't for seven hours.

But when he cheated with my cook,

that was the last straw.

So, wait. Why wasn't it the last straw

when he cheated with your sister?

Because it was my twin sister.

She's gorgeous,

and Antonio said he thought it was me!

Okay.

Dispose of these flowers. Post haste.

I don't want his flowers,

nor do I want his company.

All right now I know he did you dirty back in the day,

but he did fly here all the way from Paris!

I mean, just meet him for a cup of coffee,

and then send him on his way.

Philip, dear.

Could you drive me to the Ritz?

Sure. Let me just grab the keys.

Excellent.

Let's meet back here, let's say, in three hours?

I wanna show that old fool

what he's been missing out on all these years.

Look, son.

Just drop her off.

She's gonna be about seven hours.

Seven hours? Damn!

Hey! Stop cussin'.

-Damn! -Hey, stop cussin'.

Why are you in charge again?

'Cause I'm the Prank Master! I'm the king!

I-I been doin' this for decades.

He's absolutely right. The first prank was on his mama,

When she thought she was gonna have a cute baby.

Vinny, haters like you been around since the Bible days.

Cain hated Abel,

and we all know what happened to him.

H-E-L-L.

Let's get on with this, Brown. What's in the box?

In this box, fellas, is the key to our revenge.

Exhibit C.

Or one of 'em.

I know it's gonna be hard to notice...

Bam!

Who are you and what have you done with Mr. Brown?

No, no! You can't tell?!

-It's me! -Obviously it's you!

It's just a dumb wig and a fake mustache.

Only way you knew it was 'cause you seen me put it on.

This is what we gonna do. This is the plan.

We gonna wear disguises, and we gonna pose as residents.

Then we gonna interstate into their organization.

Then what we gonna do is

we gonna prank 'em from the inside!

That's brilliant!

Thank you to the Academy, thank you.

He's joking!

Again!

He's right, Brown. That's preposterous.

It worked for Ocean's Eleven !

Who are you, "George Looney"?

No, he's "Fat Damon".

All of y'all wrong! I'm "Brad Fit".

Look, I created backgrounds for all of y'all.

Reggie, here's your bio.

Your undercover name is Luther McVandross.

Let me guess.

I sing ballads, and own a burger joint.

No.

You're the ex-CEO of a computer company.

It's called IBS. Okay, Vinny.

Here's your, your profile.

Mm-hmm. You are Stinky von Ashy.

You're an ex test dummy at a deodorant plant.

The hell is a deodorant tester?

Well, what you do is when people put the deodorant on,

you come around and you sniff their armpits, right?

And if they smell like you, we know it didn't work.

Brown, I'm gonna roast yo ass so bad,

you gonna need barbecue sauce. Man, this is stupid!

What's wrong with y'all?

Why is it that I'm the youngest person here,

but I'm the most mature.

Now, look. Does anybody have a good prank

that does not require us to go undercover?

I know!

We take 'em to court, and sue for

compensatory non-economic damages.

Come pissy what? I ain't pissin' on nobo--No!

And that is not a prank. It's a lawsuit.

Okay, okay. I got it! How about I sneak over there

and seduce all the female residents?

That's not a prank.

Oh, it's not a prank now.

But it will be nine months from now.

That'd never work.

They're all menopausal, and you're shootin' blanks.

-I don't get it. -You never do.

[Jeremy]: All right, look. All right cut it out. All right?

Stop. Now, listen.

Today is their weekly luau in the backyard.

Okay, all right.

How about we go into Mr. Brown's prank box...

Water balloons.

We can fill these up, go over there, let 'em fly.

Now that's a prank! Take notes, Brown.

[music]

What happened? Did it rain?

No, man. We walked into an ambush.

We walked over there with our water balloons,

but they must have seen us comin'.

They turned the sprinklers on, and we got drenched.

No, what y'all got is... Y'all got "double pranked".

Double pranked?

Yeah, double pranked is when you go to prank somebody,

and they flip the script on you, and they double prank you.

Brilliant.

Good thing you got that book there, Mr. Brown.

Yeah, it's a great read.

He's joking!

-Again. -Again!

So, we try, try again.

No, we can't.

According to Code 4, section 9.

Anytime you've been double pranked,

the prank war is officially over.

Not only did y'all lose the battle,

y'all lost the entire war!

It's not like your pranks worked either, Brown.

My pranks work! I know how to prank people.

[doorbell ringing]

I gotta get out of these wet clothes,

I can't afford anymore wrinkles.

-Well, that was fast. -Dad, what happened...

You know what? I don't even wanna know.

You don't.

Yeah, it was fast. It was over.

They didn't even have a chance to order.

Talkin' about seven hours. I knew that was unrealistic.

So, how mad was he?

Not at all. To the contrary.

He left our little coffee date floating on cloud ten!

Oh, okay. All right, what happened?

Time happened.

Over the years, turns out the Casanova cowboy

finally wised up and holstered his pistol.

Ah. So, he's not a player anymore.

And that's not the best part.

Before I even had a chance to sit down,

he confessed that the biggest regret of his life

-was losing me. -Mm.

Then he promptly got down on one knee...

He asked you to marry him?

And I said yes!

Bam!

Whoo!

We're getting married at the Eiffel Tower,

and I'm moving into his chateau.

And our flight leaves for Paris tomorrow morning!

I'd hug you, but...

Talking about raining on someone's parade.

Well, I'll be damned.

Now I got to find another tenant.

[music]

All right, judge! Dinner is served!

Eat it while it's hot.

Here you go. One for you, one for me.

I realize you're trying to get rid of

all the pizzas Jeremy bought, but I had it for lunch.

I don't want it again for dinner.

That is not pizza. It's Italian gumbo!

It's a slice in a bowl!

Hey, you hear the news?

That we're being forced to eat variations of pizza

for the next three months, every meal?

What? No.

Ms. Anastasia's movin' to France!

-Without me? -Without me?

Yeah. And she's getting married.

-Without me?! -Without me?!

Let's be honest, guys. You didn't have a chance.

And she's remarrying her ex-husband.

This is horrible news!

Maybe she never understood my feelings for her.

I'm sure she got the hint when you asked her

could you drink her bath water with a straw.

I... I ain't never said that.

Well, her ex must be a great guy to make her drop everything

-and move across the world. -He can't be no flyer than me.

Nor more intelligent than I.

If only there were some way we could learn more about this guy.

Well, we could use somethin' called the internet.

Brilliant!

Let's see, let's see. Do the magic, son.

Do the magic.

Found him.

Busted! Look at that.

Look like he been beat with an ugly stick.

Yeah.

For once, I surprisingly, I agree with Vincent here.

And look at that gold Rolex

sitting there on the taut muscles of his athletic arms.

Now who wants a guy who's rich and also in shape?

You guys realize you're describing a great catch, right?

Okay, I must admit.

Game recognize game. This dude is legit.

Full confession, I have bit of a man-crush.

Look at that... Look at that Ferrari!

Look at that baddie, man! With the red-head with the

body-ody-ody...

Grandpa Vinny, Grandpa Vinny, snap out of it!

Sittin' there with a gorgeous blonde...

And a brilliant brunette.

Well, Ms. Anastasia did say he used to be a cheater.

Well, maybe we need to warn her

before she makes a big mistake, man!

But wait!

Maybe these photos aren't what they appear.

After all, these seemingly incriminating photos

would just be considered

circumstantial evidence in the court of law.

Right, you right.

[Philip]: Okay. I'll just do some more digging.

-That's a good idea, man. -Hello, darlings.

Whoa!

I'm sure Philip has shared the good news.

Yeah. That you about to marry a cheat.

Cheetah... of a man who raced

back into your life like a randy jungle cat.

That's one way to put it.

Anyhoo, I was hoping that you all would join me

this evening for my going-away party.

We'll be there.

Hopefully young Philip will have a surprise for you.

[Anastasia]: Oh, goody! I just adore surprises!

All right, good. Find some dirt on 'em let's see what you got.

[music]

Come on, man!

[Mr. Brown]: Tell me I can't prank nobody.

I'm the Prank Master over here.

Jeremy, help! The house is on fire!

It's burnin'! Help!

I got him!

[both screaming]

Damn it, Brown! What was that?

That is what you call a prank-ity prank-prank!

Prank Code 4, section 9.

Said I had to show you, 'cause you didn't believe me.

I got you!

Who replaced my shampoo with ranch dressing?!

Was it you, Brown?!

That's Leroy S. Brown, and the S is for

"So long, suckers, I got all y'all!"

I'll see you in court!

[sniffing]

Why does Reginald smell like an unfortunate salad bar

mixed with boot?

Anasta--is that your expensive purse over there?

Anastasia]: Where? Where?

Where is my purse, who took my purse?

I don't see my purse. What purse?

It must have been just a pillow!

-What's so funny? -I'm not laughin'.

I made you some nice "chamolisha" tea!

Yeah, 'cause I know you not gonna be with us long.

I know you like a nice warm... A spot of tea.

-Oh, how sweet of you! -[Mr. Brown]: Yes, I am sweet!

Adorable!

[screams]

A spider! A spider!

Yes, yes! I got her!

A spider! Oh, oh!

[Mr. Brown]: I got her! I got her!

I'm having a heart attack.

She's having a heart attack!

Sit down, sit down, sit down!

Your stupid prank killed her!

Come on!

You mean I killed a famous actress?!

I think it might be the all-you-can-eat

double stuffed tacos I chose.

[Jeremy]: Brown.

-I'm feelin' death! -Breathe Brown, breathe.

I'm feelin' death!

I can't die! I done killed her! I killed a famous actress!

Mr. Brown.

I can't go to jail! I can't go to jail!

-[Jeremy]: Breathe! -I can't go to jail!

-[Jeremy]: Come on, man. -I'm scared!

Brown, are you having a heart attack or a baby?

Wait a minute! She has arisen?

I didn't die. I'm an actress, darling.

And, scene.

Ha!

Okay, wait! So, you tricked me?!

I just sniffed out your elementary school prank,

and took you to university prank instead, baby!

Mm-hmm. So, wait, wait.

You tried to prank her, and she pranked you!

That's a double prank. There we go.

Prank Code 4 section 9 says, if you get double pranked,

the prank war is officially over.

Yeah, the Prank King has been dethroned!

By the Prank Queen.

I knew I should have worn my disguise.

Get out my face!

[music]

[Anastasia]: Philip, dear. You're early!

And why so glum?

Yeah, I have... I have something to tell you.

Please, allow me to go first.

I'm going to miss you terribly.

You have been such a wonderful friend to me

during my time here,

and the best chauffeur a movie star could ever want.

You know, perhaps when you graduate,

your parents might let you come and spend some time,

even if it's the summer, with me and Antonio.

I...

I don't think that's gonna happen.

Why not?

Because...

You can't marry Antonio.

Oh, I must. He's my soulmate!

I'm sorry, Ms. Anastasia, but Antonio's a cheater.

Now I understand.

No, he used to be a cheater. As in, past tense.

He has a bunch of girlfriends.

And I contacted them on social media,

and got confirmation.

Oh, that's probably just a man with the same name.

Antonio Pennybags the Fourth?

That's a common name in Europe, like John Smith is here.

Toss a rock on the continent,

and you've hit another Antonio Pennybags the Fourth.

Well...

I got a photo here of him and his girlfriend.

Just because he's in a photo with a woman in a bikini,

doesn't mean it's his girlfriend.

They're probably just friends.

Well, here's another picture of him, kissing her.

He's giving her chest compressions.

You can't marry that man.

Now I get it.

It was you two who put him up to this.

You're so jealous, you're acting like

two old buzzards! Like a couple of crabs in a barrel,

tryin' to drag me down!

Wait, wait! Where are you going?

To stay the night with the love of my life,

at his hotel.

And we're leaving for Paris in the morning.

I refuse to stay in a place

with people who would slander my fiance's name

in an effort to kill my joy!

It was nice knowing you all.

And Philip, I'm ashamed of you!

And I take back everything I said!

Au revoir! Forever!

To Ms. Anastasia!

May her life be positive, and her STD tests be negative.

-[Reginald]: Here, here. -Drink up, boys.

Slow down there, young man.

All that root beer is gong to make you wet the bed.

Don't I know it. [doorbell rings]

I'm gonna miss Ms. Anastasia's stories.

-[Anastasia]: Hello, boys. -Whoa!

Your package has been returned to sender.

Ms. Anastasia, you're back!

I showed up at Antonio's hotel room

and found him with the maid.

She was polishing something... And it wasn't his credenza.

Oh... Wait!

I am just too experienced of a woman to have been

that desperate for a fairy tale ending,

to just turn a blind eye to the truth!

You tried to tell me. All of you did!

I'm sorry it happened to you.

You know, actually, I'm not.

Because it made me realize

that I already have a fairy tale ending right here.

And instead of one handsome prince,

I actually have three!

Now pour me a drink and let me tell you about

the night I went skinny-dipping with the seven dwarves.

And they may be small, but mm, mm, mm!

Yep, I'm out.

[music]

[music]

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