Original subtitles

(Tommy Voiceover) LAST TIME ON 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN.

DEAR MARY. SHE SAVED ALL THE LOVE LETTERS I SENT HER.

WAIT A MINUTE. I NEVER SENT HER ANY LOVE LETTERS.

APPARENTLY ANOTHER MAN HAS BEEN

SENDING LOVE LETTERS TO MARY.

A MAN NAMED SCOOCHIE.

THE LETTERS! SCOOCHIE?

WHOA!

NO! SCOOCHIE! REVEAL YOURSELF!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

NO! STOP! PLEASE DON'T KILL HIM!

LIAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M SCOOCHIE.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN WRITING ME LOVE LETTERS

FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS? I...I THOUGHT YOU'D FORGOTTEN ME.

FORGOTTEN YOU? ONE OF MY MOST CHERISHED MEMORIES

IS THE 2 OF US COMMINGLING ON YOUR BUTCHER BLOCK. I MEAN--

NO! NUH-UH. I'M SCOOCHIE.

MARY, THIS MAN'S AN IMPOSTER.

NOW, WE KNOW THAT THE REAL SCOOCHIE

IS A MASTER OF VERSE,

SO WHY DON'T WE SETTLE THIS WITH A LITTLE

OFF THE CUFF VERBAL JOUSTING?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NO, NO, NO...

TO ME, OFF THE CUFF VERBAL JOUSTING IS A DISH BEST SERVED...

WRITTEN IN ADVANCE.

ARE YOU DECLINING MY CHALLENGE?

[BOOS AND HISSES FROM CROWD]

NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.

LET THE VERBAL JAMFEST BEGIN!

BUT, UH, YOU GO FIRST.

OH. VERY WELL.

[SOMEONE GRUNTS IN PAIN]

OF ALL THE HOURS IN A DAY, THE ONLY TIME IS YOU.

YOU ARE THE BEAT OF MY BREATH. YOU ARE THE WINE IN MY BLOOD.

YOU...ARE MARY.

OH!

OH!

WHATEVER. [CLEARS THROAT]

I WILL NOW DISPATCH MY FOE...

WITH AN ELEGANT HAIKU.

Mary: OOH.

5 SYLLABLES. 7 SYLLABLES. 5 SYLLABLES.

I KNOW THAT!

I'M SO SICK OF YOU! YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.

WILL YOU STOP IT, PLEASE?!

WELL, YES, THAT IS TECHNICALLY A HAIKU,

BUT IT'S A RATHER-- RATHER PEDESTRIAN ONE, ISN'T IT?

NO, NO. THAT WAS AN ACCIDENTAL HAIKU.

WHAT? NO, I WANT ANOTHER TURN!

OH, DICK, DON'T BOTHER.

I KNEW YOU DIDN'T WRITE THOSE POEMS.

GOOD NIGHT.

CALL ME, SCOOCHIE.

OK. OK.

YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS!

WHAT'S OUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

Both: ARTHUR 2: ARTHUR ON THE ROCKS.

WELL, FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS!

"ARTHUR"?! "ARTHUR"?!

YEAH! THERE'S A PREQUEL!

WELL, WHO KNEW? THIS IS GONNA ANSWER

SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT ARTHUR 2!

YEAH. LIKE THE "2."

* ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'LL FIND HER *

* SOMEONE THAT TURNS YOUR HEART AROUND *

FAMILY MEETING!

All: HEY!

I'VE GOT HORRIBLE NEWS. BRACE YOURSELVES.

LIAM NEESAM IS BACK.

LIAM WHO-SAM?

OH, YEAH, REMEMBER THAT ALIEN WHO CAME HERE TO DESTROY EARTH,

BUT THEN HE DIDN'T, 'CAUSE HE THOUGHT

DICK WAS SUCH A GREAT HUMAN BEING?

DR. LIAM NEESAM. YEAH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT

THE OTHER LIAM NEESAM.

YOU KNOW, THE PLUMBER?

COMMON MISTAKE. OH, YEAH.

WELL, IS HE BACK TO DESTROY THE WORLD?

HE'S BACK TO DESTROY MY WORLD.

LIAM IS SCOOCHIE!

All: WHAT?! YES!

AND SCOOCHIE IS FROM TEAM X!

NO WAY!

A PROBIE WASN'T ENOUGH FOR HIM.

NOW HE WANTS TO STEAL MY MARY.

OH, COME ON, DICK. NO ALIEN WOULD TRAVEL

ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

JUST TO BOFF MARY ALBRIGHT.

SALLY, THAT IS SO CRASS!

I PREFER TO THINK THAT LIAM IS HERE

TO MAKE SWEET, GENTLE LOVE TO MARY.

THAT'S NICE.

THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

DICK, LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING I'D BE SURPRISED

IF THIS WASN'T A PART OF SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER.

YOU KNOW, YOU MAY BE RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S UP TO, BUT WHATEVER IT IS,

I WON'T HAVE IT!

IT'S TIME FOR DICK SOLOMON TO FIGHT BACK!

RIGHT AFTER ONE PIECE OF BLUEBERRY PIE. WHO'S WITH ME?

OOH, I AM! NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.

AND OF COURSE "LIAM" SPELLED BACKWARDS IS "MAIL,"

AS IN THE LETTERS WITH WHICH I CORRESPOND WITH YOU,

AND OF COURSE, THE HOMONYM OF MAIL IS MALE,

WHICH I FIND FIERCELY APPROPRIATE.

LIAM, YOUR WORDPLAY IS DAZZLING.

THANK YOU. AND OF COURSE, AN ANAGRAM OF LIAM

IS MALI, A SUB-SAHARAN COUNTRY WITH AN UNFORTUNATE CLIMATE.

AND ANOTHER ANAGRAM IS LIMA, CAPITAL OF PERU

AND HOME OF THE INCAN CIVILIZATION.

AND, OF COURSE, IF YOU LOSE THE "M,"

ADD A "B" AND SCUTTLE THE LETTERS AROUND, YOU GET...

BALI.

OH!

THAT'S A NICE WORD. EXOTIC.

WELL, THINK OF IT LESS AS A WORD AND MORE...

AS AN INVITATION.

OH, LIAM, THAT'S... THAT'S SWEET, BUT I...

I'M STILL... TECHNICALLY GOING OUT WITH DICK.

OH, DEAR. LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING I MUST GET OFF MY CHEST.

I THINK OF YOU AS ABSOLUTELY EXQUISITE,

AND YET YOU PERSIST IN GOING OUT WITH A MAN

WHOSE NAME DOESN'T SPELL ANYTHING OTHER THAN DICK.

BUT HE'S SO SWEET.

OH, WAKE UP, MY LITTLE PUMPKIN SEED.

HAS HE EVER TAKEN YOU OUT TO A DECENT RESTAURANT LIKE THIS?

OH, WE GO TO NICE RESTAURANTS SOMETIMES.

OH.

BUT HE ALWAYS BRINGS A FLY TO PUT INTO THE SOUP

SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO PAY.

WELL, DON'T WORRY, MARY.

THE ONLY FLY THAT I HAVE WITH ME TONIGHT

IS THE ONE ON MY TROUSERS,

AND YOU WON'T FIND THAT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR SOUP.

LIAM, IF YOU BROUGHT ME HERE BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD SCORE, WELL...

WE'LL SEE!

OH, THIS IS AWKWARD.

RUTHERFORD IS SUCH A SMALL TOWN

THIS WILL POWER THE RUMOR MILL FOR MONTHS

SHH! SHH!

I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATION WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

OH DICK, I FEEL SO SAFE WITH YOU

WILL YOU SHUT UP?!

MY AFFECTION FOR YOU IS ONLY PART OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE.

NOW, THE OTHER REASON IS TO MAKE YOU A JOB OFFER.

A JOB OFFER? DOING WHAT?

GOOD QUESTION, MARY.

I'M GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY

TO DO GROUNDBREAKING ANTHROPOLOGICAL RESEARCH.

THE ONLY SNAG IS THAT, AT THE START...

I CAN ONLY PAY YOU A HIGH 6-FIGURE SALARY.

OH, THAT'S ONE, MAYBE 2 FIGURES MORE THAN I'M USED TO.

WHY ME?

BECAUSE I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE

I'D RATHER WORK SIDE BY SIDE WITH OR...

ON TOP OF.

OH!

OH, THAT RAT!

HE'S USING HER MIND TO GET TO HER BODY. THAT'S SO...

RAT-LIKE!

DICK...

OH...HERE'S YOUR SANDWICH.

DICK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

OH, I'M, UH... HAVING DINNER WITH JUDITH.

IT'S A DATE, MARY.

SHH! SHH!

ARE YOU SPYING ON ME?

AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

GETTING A JOB OFFER FROM LIAM?!

YES! AND I ACCEPT!

WHAT?!

OH, BUCK UP, DICK.

LOOK, UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY...

I GET THIS ONE FOR YOU? HMM?

[FLY BUZZING]

[FLY BUZZING]

BON APPETIT!

THAT'S SO MUCH NICER THAN THE FLY I BROUGHT.

COME ON, SALLY, IT'S STARTIN'.

WE'VE WATCHED THIS MOVIE,

WHAT, 9 TIMES NOW?

AND LIKE THE WINE ARTHUR DRINKS,

IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER WITH AGE.

YOU KNOW, I WISH I HAD A LIMOUSINE.

AND A BUTLER.

AND A SHAMELESS CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY.

OH, YEAH.

All: * SOMEONE WHO TURNS YOUR HEART AROUND *

* THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW... *

All: HEY!

I WAS RIGHT.

LIAM'S SOLE PURPOSE ON EARTH IS TO WIN MARY.

SO STOP HIM.

SITUATION SOLVED. NOW HIT PLAY.

NO, BUT HOW?

HE'S BETTER THAN ME AT EVERYTHING.

OH, MAN. YOU'RE SCREWED.

WELL, MAYBE HE ISN'T.

LIAM STILL THINKS THAT DICK IS A HUMAN.

AND AS A HUMAN, DICK IS NO COMPETITION.

BUT DICK IS NOT A HUMAN.

SEE, IF LIAM KNOWS THAT DICK'S AN ALIEN,

THEY'LL BE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH.

HE'LL HAVE TO RESPECT HIM, AND THEN HE'LL BACK OFF ALBRIGHT.

THAT'S BRILLIANT.

SO, I'LL JUST TELL HIM.

AS LONG AS YOU REALIZE THAT BY TELLING HIM,

YOU MAY BE FORFEITING YOUR INHERITANCE.

OH, THAT'S ARTHUR.

YEAH, SEE, IT ALL COMES BACK TO ARTHUR.

* WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT

* BETWEEN THE MOON

* AND NEW YORK CITY

(knocking on door)

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

TIME TO COME CLEAN.

TIME TO BEAR MY SOUL.

TIME TO TELL YOU THAT I, LIKE YOU, AM AN ALIEN.

IMPOSSIBLE. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

GOOD LORD. SO YOU ARE.

GOOD NIGHT.

NO, BUT, UH...

NOW THAT YOU KNOW I'M AN ALIEN,

YOU'LL STOP SEEING MARY, RIGHT?

WHY SHOULD I DO THAT?

WELL, BECAUSE OF THE ALIENS' CODE...

WHICH STATES THAT ALIENS CANNOT STEAL GIRLFRIENDS FROM OTHER ALIENS.

YOU JUST MADE THAT UP.

I DID NOT. DID.

DID. DID NOT.

DID NOT. DID TOO.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

WHO ENFORCES THIS CODE OF YOURS?

BEFORE I ANSWER THAT, MAY I ASK YOU:

WHAT IS THE SINGLE THING THAT FRIGHTENS YOU THE MOST?

OH, I SUPPOSE A SHARK ATTACK.

WELL, COINCIDENTALLY,

THE CODE IS ENFORCED BY A SQUADRON OF SHARKS.

SHARKS? OH, I LOVE SHARKS.

BUT YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU HATED SHARKS.

WELL, I MUST HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD THE QUESTION.

STOP WORRYING. I DIDN'T COME ALL THE WAY TO EARTH

FOR YOUR SLOPPY SECONDS, AND SINCE YOU'RE AN ALIEN,

I CAN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

YOU SEE, I'M USING MARY AS A COVER FOR MY MASTER PLAN

TO DEVOLVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS INTO MONKEYS.

OH, WHAT A RELIEF.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HERE TO SLEEP WITH MY LADY.

HEH HEH HEH.

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT MONKEYS?

I'M GOING TO DEVOLVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS INTO MONKEYS,

YOU SEE, AND THEN TURN THE EARTH INTO

A GIANT THEME PARK CALLED "PLANET MONKEY WORLD."

PLANET MONKEY WORLD?

BUT THAT'S APPALLING.

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?

I WEEP FOR HUMANS.

HAS MARY AGREED TO THIS?

YES, ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T KNOW ALL THE DETAILS,

LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD, ET CETERA.

I'M SORRY, LIAM,

BUT I AM TELLING MARY ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.

IN THAT CASE, I SHALL BE FORCED

TO TELL HER THAT YOU'RE AN ALIEN.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

YOU'VE HAD MORE TIME TO THINK THIS OUT THAN I HAVE.

THIS IS AWFULLY GOOD, YOU KNOW.

WELL, THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

AS YOU REPRESENT OUR TARGETED ALIEN CONSUMERS,

ANY SUGGESTIONS YOU HAVE IN THIS FOCUS GROUP

WILL BE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED.

BACK IN A MOMENT. THANK YOU.

NOW, REMEMBER...

DON'T HOLD BACK.

IT'S VITAL TO THE SURVIVAL OF THE HUMAN RACE

THAT YOU TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU HATE THIS PLAN.

OK. YEAH, GOT IT. OK.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU PLANET MONKEY WORLD.

[ALL BOO]

WOW. MMM.

LAME. LAME!

WELL, HEAR ME OUT

I MEAN PLANET MONKEY WORLD IS BASED ON A SIMPLE PREMISE,

MONKEYS ARE FUNNY

IMAGINE YOU'RE BEING DRIVEN IN A CAB BY A HUMAN BEING

NOW IMAGINE THE CAB DRIVER IS A MONKEY

PICTURE BETHOVEN'S FIFTH OF CARNEGIE HALL

BORING.. NOW

PICTURE IT PLAYED BY 120 CLASSICALLY TRAINED MONKEYS.

HA HA HA

YOU GO TO A STORE BUY A MONKEY WRENCH AND IT'S SOLD TO YOU BY A MONKEY

AWFULLY HANDY.

NOW, ANY QUESTIONS.

YES.

UH, WILL THE MONKEY'S HAVE MONKEY BOOBS OR HUMAN BOOBS?

GOOD QUESTION. GOOD QUESTION.

MY GUT TELLS ME HUMAN.

NICE. OH, DAMN.

HARRY, YOU HAD YOUR HAND UP?

OH, NO. TOMMY COVERED IT.

JUST HOW DO YOU PLAN TO TURN THE HUMANS INTO MONKEYS?

WITH THIS APEMAKER 3000, A SPECIES TRANSMORPHING DEVICE.

NOW, WHO WOULD LIKE TO COME UP WITH

SOME IDEAS FOR THE NEW TERRITORIES OF PLANET MONKEY WORLD?

All: I DO!

NOW, WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO

IS WE'RE THROWING MONKEY-RELATED WORDS INTO EXISTING NAMES.

YOU SEE? SO, MISSISSIPPI BECOMES BANANA-SIPPI,

OR MISSOURI BECOMES BANANA-SOURI.

SEE? APPARENTLY SIMPLE. WHAT ABOUT CALIFORNIA.

OH, I KNOW! MONKEY CALIFORNIA.

IT'S A BIT ON THE NOSE ISN'T IT, DICK?

BANANA-FORNIA.

VERY GOOD. TOMMY'S GOT IT.

IT'S A LUCKY GUESS.

IT'S NOT A LUCKY GUESS.

YOU JUST PUT BANANA IN FRONT OF ALL THE NAMES.

WELL, NOT NECESSARILY. BANANA IS A COMMON THEME,

BUT WE LIKE TO MIX IT UP A BIT.

ANYONE ELSE?

OK, UM, HOW ABOUT OPPOSABLE-THUMB-SYLVANIA?

THERE YOU GO!

DIAN-FOSSEY-CHUSETTS.

MARVELOUS!

CRAP-THROWER-ZONA.

YES, WE MAY HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP A BIT, BUT I LIKE THE IDEA.

UH...NORTH MONKEY-KOTA.

NO.

SOUTH MONKEY-KOTA.

BRILLIANT! VERY GOOD

LOOK I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL I GET TO NAME A TERRITORY

SO LET'S GET A COFFEE RUN GOING IT MIGHT BE A LONG NIGHT

NEW MONKEY-EXICO?

Liam: NO, NO, NO.

CURIOUS GEORGIA.

MARVELOUS!

AND ON A FINAL NOTE, MY FRIENDS, MY COLLEAGUES,

ON THE BICYCLE THAT IS MY SUCCESS,

YOU ARE THE TRAINING WHEELS

GUIDING ME DOWN THAT BIKE PATH

TOWARD MY DREAM.

COULD SHE BE ANY MORE POMPOUS?

YES. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER FIRST DRAFT.

SHE COMPARED HERSELF TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN,

AND HE DID NOT COME OFF WELL.

MAYBE IF WE LEAVE NOW, SHE WON'T NOTICE.

AND IF EVER ANY OF YOU NEED

A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION, CALL ME.

DICK, YOU MISSED MY FAREWELL SPEECH.

LISTEN, MARY, I...

I THINK IT WOULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE

FOR YOU TO TAKE THIS JOB WITH LIAM.

THIS IS SO TYPICAL.

I FINALLY GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOME MONEY

AT A JOB I LOVE,

AND YOU WANT ME SHACKLED TO THIS FLEABAG COLLEGE

AND A DEAD-END RELATIONSHIP.

OH REALLY?! DO PEOPLE IN A DEAD-END RELATIONSHIP

BUY AN AB-ROLLER TOGETHER?

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF LIAM.

NO, MARY. I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT.

LIAM IS...NOT WHAT HE APPEARS TO BE.

OH, RIGHT. HE'S NOT SUAVE OR BRILLIANT OR INCREDIBLY ROMANTIC.

MARY, IF THOSE THINGS WERE IMPORTANT TO YOU,

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING!

I'M NOT A MIND READER, YOU KNOW!

FACE IT, DICK.

I'M TAKING THIS JOB.

IT'S MARY ALBRIGHT'S TURN TO CLIMB TO NEW HEIGHTS.

OH, MARY.

WITH 4 HANDS AND A PREHENSILE TAIL,

IT'LL BE A FAST TRIP.

OH, THIS IS HORRIBLE.

WE'VE GOT TO FIND SOME WAY TO STOP LIAM.

HIS PLAN WILL OBLITERATE HUMANITY.

IF ONLY HE WASN'T SO COLD-HEARTED.

IF ONLY HE CARED ABOUT PEOPLE AND EARTH LIKE WE DO.

WAIT. TOMMY, THAT'S IT!

LIAM IS IN A HUMAN BODY,

HE MUST HAVE HUMAN EMOTIONS.

WE CAN EXPLOIT THAT.

YEAH, IF WE GET HIM TO FEEL SYMPATHY FOR HUMANS,

MAYBE HE'LL THINK TWICE ABOUT TURNING THEM INTO MONKEYS.

FOCUS GROUP, PLEASE. FOCUS GROUP.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK? $7.00 TOO MUCH FOR THIS?

$7.00?

I'LL TAKE 2.

LIAM.

PLANET MONKEY WORLD IS A FANTASTIC IDEA,

BUT IT'S MISSING SOMETHING ESSENTIAL.

NOW, DON'T SAY BLUEGRASS MUSIC,

'CAUSE THAT'LL BE COVERED AT THE COUNTRY MONKEY JAMBOREE.

NO. NO, NO, YOU'RE MISSING THE REAL EARTH,

LIKE THE HAPPINESS IN A CHILD'S EYES

WHEN A LOVING PARENT TUCKS HIM IN SAFE AT NIGHT.

OR THE WONDER OF 2 YOUNG LOVERS

AS THEY STROLL DOWN THE BEACH

DREAMING OF WHAT IS YET TO BE.

OR THE QUIET CONTENTMENT OF A COUPLE IN THEIR AUTUMN YEARS

AS THEY SIT AND REFLECT ON A LIFE WELL SPENT TOGETHER.

OR HOOKERS.

CHEAP, PAINTED HOOKERS.

I SEE. YOU'RE...

YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING FOR HUMANITY

SO THAT I'LL BAG THE WHOLE MONKEY WORLD PLAN.

WELL, LET ME JUST CHECK.

NO. NOTHING. SORRY.

WELL, WE TRIED.

I GUESS I'M GOING TO GO WATCH ARTHUR.

BEFORE ARTHUR TURNS INTO A MONKEY.

WELL, I'M OFF.

GOOD-BYE, LIAM.

THE GREATEST PRIVILEGE ONE HAS ON EARTH

IS THE CHANCE TO FEEL THE BOND OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

I'M ONLY SORRY THAT YOU NEVER GOT TO FEEL IT.

YUCK. WELL, UM--

[ARTHUR THEME PLAYS]

WHAT'S THAT SONG?

OH, THAT'S THE THEME FROM ARTHUR.

OH, IT'S CATCHY.

ANYWAY, YOU WON'T FIND ME FALLING

FOR ANY OF THAT SENTIMENTAL NONSENSE. NO, NO.

ARTHUR, EH?

YEAH. HE'S A RICH MAN WITH A DRINKING PROBLEM.

HUH. WELL, ANYWAY, WHEN I SET OFF TO DO SOMETHING, I DO IT.

* ARTHUR, HE DOES AS HE PLEASES *

YOU SEE? JUST LIKE ARTHUR, I DO AS I PLEASE.

* AND DEEP IN HIS HEART HE'S JUST *

* HE'S JUST A BOY

I'VE ALWAYS FANCIED THAT AT HEART I'M A CHILD.

TELL ME, HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM, HAS HE?

* HE'S SHOWING HIMSELF A PRETTY GOOD TIME *

WELL, WITH A HEALTHY ATTITUDE LIKE THAT,

HE MUST HAVE A REASONABLE CHANCE

OF BEATING THIS ALCOHOL THING.

I MEAN, IS HE IN IT ALONE? WHAT?

OH, NO, HE'S GOT THE LOVE OF LIZA MINNELLI TO HELP HIM THROUGH IT.

YOU KNOW, THAT HAPPENED TO ME RECENTLY.

THIS IS EXTRAORDINARY. THIS SONG IS ALL ABOUT ME,

AND SUDDENLY I FEEL THIS ODD MIX OF JOY AND SORROW,

OF HOPE AND DESPAIR, OF TRIUMPH AND TRAGEDY.

YEAH. IT'S--IT'S...

LIAM, THAT'S-- THAT'S HUMANITY.

BUT IT'S WONDERFUL.

DOES THIS MEAN THAT--THAT...

YOU'RE SCRAPPING PLANET MONKEY WORLD?

OH, SCREW PLANET MONKEY WORLD!

I MEAN, I FEEL SO ALIVE!

GUYS, WE DID IT!

WHOO!

HARRY.

OH, DICK?

LIAM!

ARE YOU HERE TO SAY GOOD-BYE? WANT A HUG?

NO. I JUST CAME BY TO LET YOU KNOW THAT PLANS HAVE CHANGED A BIT.

THEY HAVE? HOW?

WELL, I'M LEANING TOWARDS GOING AHEAD

WITH THIS PLANET MONKEY WORLD THING AGAIN.

BUT--BUT WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

OH, LAST NIGHT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

I FELT THINGS HERE I'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL, BUT I SLEPT ON IT, AND...

IT DOESN'T REALLY HOLD UP, YOU KNOW.

SO, PLANET MONKEY WORLD IS A GO.

I THOUGHT I'D START HERE AT PENDELTON.

HAVE YOU GOT A CAMPUS MAP ANYWHERE?

UH...UH...

[FALSETTO] * ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU FIND HER *

* SOMEONE WHO TURNS YOUR HEART AROUND *

* AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IN LOVE *

OH, I'M OVER ALL THAT ARTHUR NONSENSE.

I THINK HE'S A TERRIBLE WANKER.

AHA!

I'VE GOT YOU NOW.

THAT'S NOT THE REAL DEVOLVER.

DO YOU THINK I'D BE STUPID ENOUGH

TO GIVE YOU THE REAL DEVOLVER?

THIS IS THE REAL DEVOLVER.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL. CAN I SEE IT?

MM-HMM.

AHA!

I'VE GOT YOU NOW.

I SAID, "DO YOU THINK I'D BE STUPID ENOUGH

TO GIVE YOU THE REAL DEVOLVER?"

THE REAL DEVOLVER'S IN MY PANTS POCKET.

UH, SEE?

ARE YOU SURE THAT'S THE REAL DEVOLVER?

WHAT?

WELL, YOU SAID IT WAS IN YOUR PANTS POCKET,

BUT THEN YOU GOT IT OUT OF YOUR JACKET POCKET.

SO I DID...

IT'S RATHER EMBARRASSING.

I SEEM TO HAVE LOST TRACK

OF THE REAL DEVOLVER.

DO EITHER OF YOURS SAY "REAL DEVOLVER"

ON THE TOP THERE IN YELLOW LETTERS?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.

HOW ON EARTH DID THAT HAPPEN?

WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE?

I TOOK THE LABEL OFF,

AND I PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE.

DO YOU WANT ME TO, UH, HOLD THAT ONE FOR YOU?

YES, IF YOU WOULD.

UM, OH, I REMEMBER.

THEN I TOOK IT OUT OF THE FRIDGE,

AND I PUT IT IN THERE 'CAUSE I HAD MY WALLET

IN MY PANTS POCKET, SO IT'S IN--IT'S IN THE...

OH, COULD I HAVE THAT?

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

GOOD-BYE, LIAM.

OH, I SAY...

OHH!