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1
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,115
[SIGHING DEEPLY]
2
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:17,485
OH, WILL THIS NEVER END?
3
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,920
WE'VE BEEN WAITING
IN LINE FOR A MONTH!
4
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:23,224
DICK, DO RECALL
NINA AND I
EVEN INVITING YOU?
5
00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,093
WELL, AT LEAST THERE'S
A KISSING BOOTH AT THE END.
6
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,061
THAT'S SOMETHING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
7
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:28,796
THERE'S NO KISSING BOOTH
AT THE END.
8
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,764
AND I SPECIFICALLY SAID,
"DON'T COME.
9
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,934
YOU'LL BE BORED,
AND YOU'LL ANNOY US."
10
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:37,505
OH, GOD! I NEED CAFFEINE
OR I'M GOING TO FALL ASLEEP.
11
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,241
UH, NINA, BE A LAMB
AND FETCH ME A CAPPUCCINO.
12
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,611
I'M HERE TO GET
CLAIRE VOLK TO SIGN
MY BOOK AND THAT'S ALL.
13
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:46,780
WHAT IS THIS OBSESSION
WITH CLAIRE VOLK
AND HER SIGNATURE?
14
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:50,218
IT CAN'T BE HEALTHY.
IT C BE HEALTHY!
15
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,419
CLAIRE VOLK'S
FIRST BOOK
16
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,087
TAUGHT ME
TO LOVE MYSELF
17
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,656
DURING SOME REALLY
ROUGH TIMES.
18
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,558
SHE'S A FULLY
ACTUALIZED PERSON
19
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,593
WITH SO MUCH
TO SHARE.
20
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,229
THERE ARE 2 THINGS
I'M CERTAIN ABOUT.
21
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,730
SHE IS NOT
FULLY ACTUALIZED,
22
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:06,066
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
23
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,869
THERE ISN'T
A HUMAN BEING ALIVE
24
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,171
THAT COULDN'T BENEFIT
FROM THIS BOOK.
25
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,306
OH. HERE, LET ME SEE IT.
26
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:15,176
"A ROAD MAP
TO PERMANENT HAPPINESS."
27
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,477
I'LL GIVE
THE INTRO A SKIM
28
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,512
AND GET BACK TO YOU
WITH MY THOUGHTS.
29
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,748
UH! BALONEY.
30
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:21,782
CRAP.
31
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,551
NONSENSE.
32
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,085
MORE CRAP.
33
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,056
INTERESTING.
34
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:32,025
HMM.
35
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,261
NEXT.
36
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,095
HI. I'M MARY ALBRIGHT
37
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,197
AND I HAVE BEEN WAITING
A LONG TIME--
38
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:38,031
MISS VOLK!
39
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,000
IN THE LAST FEW FEET
OF THIS LINE
40
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,970
YOU HAVE CHANGED
MY LIFE FOREVER.
41
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,139
WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO SIGN
YOUR BOOK?
42
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,041
BOOK, NOTHING!
SIGN MY BREAST.
43
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:56,049
AND SEE IF YOU CAN
USE THE NIPPLE
TO DOT THE "I".
44
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:35,155
COME ON.
I WANT TO HEAR
YOU SAY IT.
45
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:38,392
OHH. I LOVE YOU, TOO.
46
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,761
WELL, WHO WAS THAT?
47
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,630
TOMMY.
48
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:45,933
HOW'S HE DOING
AT COLLEGE?
49
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:49,069
OH, TERRIBLE.
HE SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT A FRATERNITY
50
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:53,841
AND BEING HAZED BY GREEKS
AND IT'S HELL WEEK.
51
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,175
HE DOESN'T KNOW
IF HE'S GOING TO MAKE IT.
52
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,211
HELL WEEK?
HELL WEEK?
53
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,912
HE COULD BE IN
MORTAL DANGER.
54
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,414
FAMILY MEETING!
FAMILY MEETING!
55
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:02,450
LOOK, DICK. I CAN'T.
I GOT TO GET UP
TO TOMMY'S SCHOOL.
56
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,551
HE COULD BE DEAD ALREADY.
57
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,352
NOW?
58
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:07,488
BUT I WANT
TO SHOW YOU
MY NEW BOOK.
59
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,323
LISTEN TO ME.
I WILL DO ANYTHING
TO KEEP TOMMY
60
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,759
OR ANY MEMBER
OF THIS FAMILY
FROM BEING KILLED
61
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,394
EVEN IF IT MEANS
KILLING YOU
62
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:16,330
OR ANY MEMBER
OF THIS FAMILY.
63
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:22,836
HARRY, ALL THROUGH
OUR TUMULTUOUS
EXISTENCE
64
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:23,937
ON THIS PLANET,
65
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:27,107
WE HAVE BEEN
ENSLAVED BY OUR
NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.
66
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,109
MMM. THAT'S SO TRUE.
I GOT TO RUN.
67
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,978
[SPUTTERING]
68
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,012
ARE YOU HAPPY?
69
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:32,480
YES.
70
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,281
REALLY HAPPY?
71
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:33,981
YES.
72
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,617
REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY HAPPY?
73
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,719
NO.
74
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:42,022
WITH THIS BOOK,
WE ARE GOING TO
MASTER OUR EMOTIONS.
75
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,157
NO MORE UPS
AND DOWNS,
ONLY UPS.
76
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:46,927
FROM NOW ON,
THE QUEST FOR
PERMA-HAPPINESS
77
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,963
MUST BE OUR FIRST
AND OUR ONLY
PRIORITY.
78
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:53,367
CALM, CALM.
HAPPY, HAPPY.
79
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:57,170
OK. I PAID TO GET THAT LEAK
IN THE KITCHEN ROOF FIXED.
80
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,939
NOW ONE OF YOU GOT TO
GO UP AND PAINT THE CEILING
81
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:03,444
OR I'M KEEPING
YOUR SECURITY DEPOSIT.
82
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:07,281
OK, HARRY, YOU PAINT
THE CEILING, I'LL GET
HAPPY FOR BOTH OF US.
83
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,455
TOMMY! TOM--
84
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,424
OH, MY GOD, TOMMY.
85
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,793
THEY'VE BRAINWASHED YOU
INTO THINKING THE FLOOR
IS YOUR TEETH.
86
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,228
SALLY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
87
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,930
OK. I CAME
TO SAVE YOUR ASS.
88
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:27,067
NOW, JUMP ON MY BACK
AND I'M GOING TO BUST YOU
OUT OF THIS DEATHTRAP.
89
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,268
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
90
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:32,806
HELL WEEK. YOU TOLD HARRY
YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT.
91
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,875
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
92
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,510
TOMMY?
93
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,578
TOMMY, ARE YOU IN THERE?
94
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,348
SALLY! I MEANT
I WAS AFRAID
95
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,750
I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT
INTO THE FRAT.
96
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:47,755
THE FRAT. RIGHT. OK.
97
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:52,059
WELL, THAT WAS WORTH
A 4-HOUR BUS RIDE.
98
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,662
SALLY,
THIS PLACE HAS
THE BEST PARTIES,
99
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:59,533
THE NICEST GIRLS,
AND SOME OF
THE SKANKIEST GIRLS.
100
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,502
WHICH IS WHY
THE FRAT BROTHERS
101
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,671
ARE PUTTING
US THROUGH
A SERIES OF TESTS...
102
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,773
TO MAKE SURE NONE OF
THE WEENY GEEKS
GET IN.
103
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:11,011
OH, I SEE. SO YOU'RE WORRIED
'CAUSE YOU'RE A WEENY GEEK.
104
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,614
NO! I MERELY HAVE
SOME CONCERNS
105
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:19,353
THAT THE FRAT
SELECTION PROCESS
MIGHT NOT BE SCIENTIFIC.
106
00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:20,153
I JUST WISH I KNEW
107
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,923
WHAT THE PLEDGEMASTER
HAS PLANNED.
108
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,960
TOMMY, YOU KNOW,
I MIGHT BE ABLE
TO HELP YOU HERE.
109
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,930
AS IT HAPPENS, I'M NOT
JUST A MASTER OF ESCAPE,
110
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:34,334
BUT I AM ALSO A MASTER
OF GETTING INTO PLACES
111
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:41,274
AND...SNEAKILY SECRET
FINDING.
112
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,176
INFILTRATION?
113
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,012
THANK YOU.
INFILTRATION.
114
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,848
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE NOT A GEEK.
115
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,253
OH, DICK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
116
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,888
HOW INTO THIS BOOK
YOU ARE.
117
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,591
IT'S WONDERFUL.
I AM SO PROUD
OF YOU.
118
00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:00,961
OH, THANK YOU, MARY.
NOW, CLAIRE VOLK SAYS
THAT I DON'T NEED
119
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,996
ANY AFFIRMATION
BUT MY OWN,
120
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,266
SO I'M GOING TO PRETEND
THAT I SAID THAT.
121
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:10,704
NOW. THE BOOK SAYS
THAT STEP ONE
TO PERMA-HAPPINESS
122
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,873
IS THE FORGIVENESS CEREMONY.
123
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:13,641
SO, AHEM.
124
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,374
SHOULD I GO FIRST?
125
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:17,778
NO, NO, NO.
I'VE BEEN SAVING UP.
126
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:24,017
I FORGIVE NINA
FOR EATING MY LUNCH TODAY.
127
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:27,855
DICK, NINA DID THAT
BECAUSE YOU ATE
HER LUNCH.
128
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,623
MARY, IS THIS
A FORGIVENESS CEREMONY
129
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:33,060
OR A WHO ATE NINA'S LUNCH
INQUISITION?
130
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,361
YOUR TURN.
131
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,129
I FORGIVE...
132
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:39,467
MY MOTHER FOR MAKING
A MESS OF MY CHILDHOOD.
133
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,233
UH!
134
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,870
BUT YOU'RE STILL MAD.
I CAN TELL.
135
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,005
IT'S DICK, ONE.
MARY, ZERO.
136
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:46,373
DICK, THIS IS NOT
A COMPETITION.
137
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,641
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSING.
138
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,043
OK. IT'S--IT'S MY TURN.
139
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:53,614
I FORGIVE YOU, MARY...
140
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,750
FOR THOSE 5 POUNDS
YOU PUT ON LAST CHRISTMAS.
141
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:57,350
DICK!
142
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,418
NO, NO.
143
00:06:58,452 --> 00:06:59,152
IT'S DONE.
144
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,722
COME ON. YOUR TURN.
145
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,026
I FORGIVE...
146
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,695
THE WORLD...
147
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,062
FOR ITS CAPRICIOUS--
148
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,097
THAT MAKES ME
THINK OF ONE.
149
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,399
NO, YOU DIDN'T
LET ME FINISH.
150
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,400
FORGIVE ME?
151
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,434
YES, BUT--
152
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,137
OK, THEN IT'S
MY TURN AGAIN.
153
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:25,012
I FORGIVE THE WORLD
FOR ITS CAPRICIOUS...
154
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,616
WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO PUT
ON THE END OF THAT, MARY?
155
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:31,051
OH, DICK, MAYBE WE SHOULD
DO THIS THING SEPARATELY.
156
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,554
THE THINGS I'M
TRYING TO FORGIVE ARE
SNOWBALLING ON ME HERE.
157
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,855
BUT, MARY!
158
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,456
I WAS GOING
TO FORGIVE YOU FOR SNORING,
159
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,025
FOR--FOR CHEWING
WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN,
160
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,193
AND FOR A LOUD
PHONE VOICE.
161
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,695
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO MISS ALL THAT?
162
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,396
I DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS ANYMORE.
163
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,231
COME ON, MARY.
164
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,499
NO, NO.
JUST GO AWAY.
165
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:46,734
IMPATIENCE, TOO.
166
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,569
NO, GET OUT.
167
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,005
I FORGIVE YOU.
168
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,474
GET OUT!
169
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,215
HEY, HARRY.
170
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,884
HERE'S THE PAINT
AND BRUSHES FROM WHEN
171
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,019
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO HELP ME PAINT
MY APARTMENT.
172
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,722
HMM. THANKS FOR HURRYING OVER
TO HELP ME, NINA.
173
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,591
HELP NOTHIN'.
I CAME TO GET MY
HUNDRED BUCKS BACK
174
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,761
FROM WHEN YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO HELP ME
PAINT MY APARTMENT.
175
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,195
YEAH. HOW'D THAT GO?
176
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,897
WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU
NEVER EVEN SHOWED UP--
177
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,398
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
178
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,067
I GOT A CEILING TO PAINT,
179
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,937
SO EITHER PAY ME
THE HUNDRED BUCKS
YOU OWE ME OR GET OUT.
180
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,741
NO, YOU OWE ME,
SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
SO FIRED UP ABOUT?
181
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,877
WELL, IT'S NOT EVERYDAY
THAT DICK GIVES ME
AN ASSIGNMENT.
182
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,045
AND I WANT TO PUT
MY HEART AND SOUL INTO IT.
183
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,381
YOU KNOW?
MAKE IT A LABOR OF LOVE.
184
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,983
HARRY, IT'S A CEILING.
185
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,517
PICK A COLOR
AND SLAP IT ON.
186
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,486
I CAN'T JUST PICK ANY COLOR!
187
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,856
IT'D HAVE TO SPEAK TO ME.
188
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:47,260
IT'D HAVE TO REFLECT
THE GOLDEN RAYS OF SUNLIGHT
OFF MY CHEERIOS IN THE MORNING
189
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:52,833
OR STIR MY INTEREST
AS I STARE UP AT IT
WHILE DICK'S TALKING.
190
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:57,638
HI!
191
00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,140
HI THERE. HI.
192
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,742
YOU KNOW, I WAS WALKING
ACROSS CAMPUS
193
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,343
ON MY WAY
TO A CAMPUS BUILDING,
194
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:08,081
AND I THOUGHT I'D JUST
SWING BY AND ASK YOU WHAT
YOUR HAZING RITUALS WERE.
195
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,817
OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.
196
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,518
I'VE TAKEN A SOLEMN VOW
197
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,421
NEVER TO REVEAL THE SECRETS
OF THIS PLEDGE BOOK.
198
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,123
YOU TELL ME,
I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU.
199
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,826
LET ME WALK YOU
THROUGH IT.
200
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:46,253
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
201
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:49,289
HOW CAN PAINT
THAT TASTES THIS GOOD
202
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,859
LOOK THIS BAD?
203
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,431
ALL RIGHT, LINE UP!
COME ON. LINE UP!
204
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,534
OK, LADIES, WE'VE GOT
A NEW ASSISTANT
PLEDGEMASTER.
205
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:02,836
HER NAME'S SALLY.
206
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:06,273
WELL, STAN IS HALF-RIGHT.
MY NAME IS SALLY,
207
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,777
BUT FROM NOW ON,
YOU'LL ALL KNOW ME AS...
208
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,478
OW! OW! OW!
209
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:15,182
THAT'S RIGHT.
SALLY OW OW OW!
210
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,316
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
211
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,284
I'M BUCKY.
212
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,853
OH, MY GOD.
YOUR PARENTS
ARE SO CRUEL,
213
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,189
BUT GUESS WHAT?
YOU AIN'T SEEN
NOTHIN' YET.
214
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:22,856
AAH!
215
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,191
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
216
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,558
I'M JIM.
217
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,259
NOT ANYMORE.
218
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,028
FROM NOW ON,
YOUR NAME IS ROSE
219
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,163
AND YOU'RE
A 78-YEAR OLD
GRANDMOTHER.
220
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:34,702
GO RUN 6 MILES
WITH A WALKER.
GO, GO, GO!
221
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:35,803
WHAT'S YOUR NAME,
TOMMY?
222
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,938
I'M TOMMY.
223
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:42,142
Stan: EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME!
224
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,276
DO YOU GUYS
KNOW EACH OTHER?
225
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,446
UH, NO, NOT AT ALL.
I NEVER MET HIM
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
226
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,381
NO SPECIAL TREATMENT
HERE.
227
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,250
SHE'LL TREAT ME EXACTLY LIKE
SHE TREATS EVERYONE ELSE
228
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,619
SHE DOESN'T KNOW, RIGHT?
229
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,421
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT,
RIGHT?
230
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,488
YEAH.
231
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,289
OK.
232
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:56,757
REALLY?
233
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,992
[WHISPERING]
Yes!
234
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,227
ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
235
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,596
ONE QUESTION.
YOU WEARING BOXERS
OR BRIEFS?
236
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,132
BOXERS.
237
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,736
WRONG ANSWER.
AAH!
238
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,778
MARY, YOU'LL BE
HAPPY TO KNOW THAT
239
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,880
I'M DEEP INTO STEP 2.
240
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,081
I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
ELIMINATED
241
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,150
ALL THE NEGATIVE
RELATIONSHIPS
IN MY LIFE--
242
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,119
JUDITH, STRUDWICK,
THE CHANCELLOR.
243
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,055
I'VE EVEN STOPPED YELLING
AT THE LITTLE VOICE
244
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,322
THAT COMES OUT
OF THE CLOWN'S HEAD
245
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,759
WHEN I'M
AT THE DRIVE-THROUGH.
246
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,626
WOW, YOU'VE REALLY GROWN!
247
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,863
YES, I HAVE, MARY.
248
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,865
I'M ALMOST
PERMA-HAPPY DICK.
249
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,800
OHH!
250
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,902
ANYWAY, YOU'RE HISTORY.
251
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:43,536
WHAT?
252
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:44,404
YEAH, YOU'RE GONE.
253
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,006
I CAN'T BE IN THIS
RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE.
254
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:49,576
TOO MANY UPS AND DOWNS.
255
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,678
YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME
BECAUSE OF THIS BOOK?
256
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,414
YEAH. I'M AFRAID SO.
257
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,921
NO.
258
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:02,823
I KNOW IT'S HARD, MARY.
259
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,525
NO, IT'S NOT HARD, DICK.
IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING.
260
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,860
WHAT?
261
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:11,198
WELL, WHAT I'VE LEARNED
FROM THIS BOOK IS THAT
262
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:17,838
"ON THE FERRIS WHEEL OF LIFE,
I AM THE CARNY HOLDING
THE THROTTLE."
263
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,808
I CHOOSE NOT TO BREAK UP
WITH YOU.
264
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:21,942
REALLY?
265
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,410
CAN YOU DO THAT?
266
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,945
YEAH.
267
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,379
YEAH. I MEAN, I THINK
"YOU HAVE A TENDENCY
268
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,816
"TO UNDERESTIMATE THE--
THE SICKNESS
269
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,418
OF THE CODEPENDENT
RELATIONSHIP,"
270
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:35,388
AND WE'RE IN ONE, MISTER,
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING
ANYWHERE.
271
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,557
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
I NEED TO, UH...
272
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,893
"STEP OFF
THE DESPERATION
TREADMILL
273
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,162
"AND FROLIC THROUGH
THE FOREST
OF SOLITUDE
274
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:45,632
WITH MY SELF ELF."
275
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:48,235
SELF ELF?!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
276
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,336
FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
277
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:52,372
IT IS THE SPRIGHTLY
INNER HAPPINESS THAT
YOU ACHIEVE
278
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:55,575
WHEN YOU SPEND TIME
WITH YOUR LOVING
AND SUPPORTIVE SELF,
279
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,544
BUT YOU WOULD KNOW THAT
IF YOU'D READ THE BOOK.
280
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,312
I'M AT THE HELM.
I'M AT THE HELM.
281
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,513
Dick: CALM, CALM.
HAPPY, HAPPY.
282
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,582
I'M AT THE HELM.
I'M AT THE HELM.
283
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,117
CALM, CALM,
HAPPY, HAPPY!
I'M AT THE HELM.
284
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,153
I'M AT THE HELM.
I'M AT THE HELM!
285
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,359
GRANDMA ROSE, GET ME
ANOTHER BEER
286
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:15,295
YES PLEDGE MASTER SALLY!
287
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,836
PERMISSION TO SPEAK WITH THE
ASSISTANT PLEDGE MASTER
288
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,504
AND PUT THIS THING DOWN?
289
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,874
DENIED AND DENIED.
290
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,509
COME ON SALLY!
291
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,512
OH!
292
00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:33,580
THAT IS HIGHLY UNSEEMING.
293
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:34,681
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
294
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,748
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
HELPING ME OUT
295
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:36,950
THAT IS WHAT I'M DOING.
296
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,451
I'M HELPING YOU
BUILD CHARACTER.
297
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,520
I JUST WANT YOU TO HELP ME
GET INTO THIS FRAT.
298
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,254
AND YOU WILL.
299
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,122
I WILL?
300
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,623
OH, YEAH!
IF YOU GET THROUGH
HELL WEEK.
301
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,158
IF I GET THROUGH?
302
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:45,993
TOMMY, LISTEN TO ME.
303
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,694
I TOOK AN OATH
HERE, OK?
304
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:52,765
I MUST UPHOLD
THIS FRATERNITY'S
HALLOWED TRADITIONS.
305
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,235
I THINK YOU'RE JUST
ON A POWER TRIP.
306
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,472
THAT'S A BIT
DISRESPECTFUL, PLEBE.
307
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,573
WELL, GUESS WHAT?
308
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,375
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU.
309
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,877
MAYBE NOT,
310
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,778
BUT I KNOW WHAT
YOU ARE AFRAID OF--
311
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,480
ME.
312
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,949
MAYBE SO,
313
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,150
BUT ANYTHING YOU
PUT ME THROUGH
314
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,218
ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER.
315
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,386
OK, SO YOU'RE SUPPORTING
MY INITIAL ARGUMENT.
316
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,721
THEN I RECANT.
317
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,123
IF YOU RECANT,
THEN YOU QUIT.
318
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,290
THEN I QUIT.
319
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:18,591
OH, YOU ARE
SUCH A COWARD.
320
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,693
YOU NEVER DESERVED TO BE
IN THIS FRATERNITY.
321
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:21,561
OH, REALLY?
322
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:22,996
WELL, HIT ME WITH
EVERYTHING YOU GOT.
323
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,231
20 PUSHUPS NOW!
324
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,265
HOW ABOUT 10?
325
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:28,735
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!
326
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,578
JEEZ, AREN'T YOU DONE YET?
327
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,981
MADAME, THESE THINGS
TAKE TIME.
328
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,484
DID YOUR REPUTATION
AS A GIN-SOAKED
GOOD TIME GIRL
329
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,319
HAPPEN OVERNIGHT?
330
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,489
NO, IT HAPPENED
OVER SEVERAL NIGHTS.
331
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:53,660
AND IT REALLY STUCK
AFTER THAT CONVENTION.
332
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,663
LOOK, I DON'T NEED YOU
NAGGING ME, OK,
333
00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:00,733
WHEN THIS HAS BEEN
MOCKING ME DAY AND NIGHT!
334
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,602
STOP IT!
335
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,937
SHUT UP!
336
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,805
YOU SHUT UP!
337
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,308
WHAT'S THAT?
I DIDN'T THINK I HEARD YA!
338
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,342
EEW!
339
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,944
EEW!
340
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,447
WHOA!
341
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,084
IT'S FINISHED.
342
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,286
HEY, THAT--THAT'S GOOD.
343
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:22,622
SO YOU GOING TO PAINT
THE GARAGE NEXT?
344
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,291
IMPOSSIBLE.
345
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,994
I'VE GOT NOTHING
LEFT TO GIVE.
346
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,802
AHEM!
347
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,270
UH-UH, NO, NO.
348
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,973
JUST THE ONE.
349
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,815
HEY, GOOD-LOOKING.
350
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:50,517
HAVING A GOOD TIME?
351
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,552
OF COURSE.
352
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,488
QUITE A DIFFERENCE, EH?
353
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,125
NOW THAT YOU'VE ELIMINATED
ALL THE PROBLEM PEOPLE
IN YOUR LIFE,
354
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,328
ONLY THE HAPPY ELITE
REMAINS--YOU...
355
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,196
AND ME.
356
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,798
I GUESS.
357
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,967
IS SOMETHING WRONG, DICK?
358
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,170
WRONG? WHAT COULD BE WRONG?
359
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:13,573
NO ONE'S CONTRADICTING ME.
NO ONE'S TELLING ME
TO LOWER MY VOICE.
360
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:17,010
NO ONE'S TOLD ME
NOT TO LICK THE SALT
AND PEPPER SHAKERS.
361
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:20,180
I'M CALM AND--AND--AND...
362
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,915
I'M HAPPY.
363
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,118
IT'S BORING, ISN'T IT?
364
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,986
WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IT IS.
365
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,355
YOU KNOW WHY?
366
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:31,158
BECAUSE THERE'S NO CONFLICT
HERE, DICK,
367
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,825
AND I THINK
YOU NEED THAT.
368
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,294
WELL, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
369
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,395
ARE YOU SO SURE?
370
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,364
WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE.
371
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:38,931
YOU KNOW WHAT?
372
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,034
YOU'RE NOT HAVING
A GOOD TIME HERE,
373
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,403
AND FRANKLY,
NEITHER AM I.
374
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,605
YOU KNOW WHOSE
FAULT THAT IS?
375
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,307
YOURS?
376
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,743
IT'S THE BOOK'S FAULT.
377
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,213
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!
378
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,848
I SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOU
AND NOT THAT STUPID BOOK.
379
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:58,185
I ALMOST THREW AWAY MARY.
380
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,920
YEAH. AND SHE'S THE ONLY
GOOD THING YOU'VE GOT GOING.
381
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:06,193
HA. YEAH, NEVER
A DULL MOMENT WITH MARY.
382
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,494
WE'D BETTER GET OVER THERE.
383
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,330
YEAH. I'M WITH YOU.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE--
384
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,166
OH, BY THE WAY,
385
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,334
ABOUT THE CHECK.
386
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,803
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I'LL GET IT.
387
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:17,937
YOU GO.
388
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:21,541
THANKS, DICK.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST!
389
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,243
NO.
390
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,812
CHECK PLEASE!
391
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,818
THIS IS GOOD.
392
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,153
WE JUST HAVE
TO GET THROUGH
THIS LAST TEST
393
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:34,921
AND WE'VE MADE IT.
394
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,790
SHE KNOWS HOW TO BREAK ME.
SHE'LL BREAK ME.
395
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,326
TOMMY, RELAX, MAN.
396
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:40,960
YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING
SHE'S THROWN AT YOU.
397
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,895
YOU'RE RIGHT. I HAVE.
398
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,164
I'M A MOUNTAIN.
399
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,199
I AM A MOUNTAIN!
400
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,169
STAND UP, PLEBES!
401
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,538
HI, LADIES.
402
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:56,876
BOY, ARE YOU IN
FOR A TREAT TODAY!
403
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,480
I HAVE 3 TASTY POPOVERS
RIGHT HERE.
404
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,316
LADIES LIKE POPOVERS,
DON'T THEY, LADIES?
405
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:04,384
HUH?
406
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,486
OK. HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS.
407
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,556
ONE IS CHERRY.
408
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,023
HUH?
409
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:15,495
ONE IS APRICOT.
410
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:19,732
AND ONE MAY
OR MAY NOT BE SPIDER.
411
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,800
UHH!
412
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,702
I HAPPEN TO KNOW
THAT ONE OF YOU
413
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:26,473
IS PATHOLOGICALLY
AFRAID OF SPIDERS.
414
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,575
DON'T WORRY, TOMMY.
IT'S JUST A PSYCHE-OUT.
415
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,877
NO ONE WOULD ACTUALLY
PUT A POISONOUS SPIDER
IN A POPOVER.
416
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:31,844
POISONOUS?
417
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,680
DID SHE SAY POISONOUS?
418
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:34,414
LADIES...
419
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,148
AHEM!
420
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:38,651
TAKE EAT OF THE POPOVER!
421
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,258
MMM!
APRICOT.
422
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:45,625
OH!
423
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:46,326
SPIDER?
424
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,762
NO, CHERRY!
I HATE CHERRY.
425
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,433
CONGRATULATIONS, MEN.
THAT'S FANTASTIC!
426
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,067
YOU'VE JOINED
THE FRATERNITY!
427
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,669
[CHEERING]
428
00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:00,240
SADLY, EVERYONE
EXCEPT TOMMY.
429
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,542
TOMMY, BITE THE POPOVER...
430
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:06,179
AND JOIN THE COVENANT
OF YOUR BRETHREN.
431
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,514
YEAH, COME ON, TOMMY.
DO IT.
432
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,081
YOU CAN DO IT!
433
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,551
I CAN'T DO IT!
434
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:14,987
All: BITE IT! BITE IT!
BITE IT! BITE IT!
435
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,956
BITE IT! BITE IT!
BITE IT! BITE IT!
436
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,391
BITE IT! BITE IT!
437
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:21,060
WAIT!
GUYS, LET ME EXPLAIN.
438
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,729
SALLY IS MY AUNT,
439
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,697
AND I WANTED TO GET
INTO THIS FRAT
SO BADLY,
440
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,633
THAT I DID WHAT ANY
OF YOU WOULD'VE DONE.
441
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,167
I ASKED MY AUNT
FOR HELP,
442
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:29,802
BUT NOW, SHE'S GONE MAD
WITH POWER,
443
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,038
AND I THINK WE NEED
TO KICK HER OUT.
444
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,306
RIGHT?
445
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:36,042
BROTHERS, UNITE!
446
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,314
GET THE WEENY.
447
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,428
MARY!
AAH!
448
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:55,928
WAKE UP,
UP, UP, UP, UP!
449
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,196
WHAT? I'M SLEEPING!
450
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,631
HENCE THE DEMAND.
451
00:19:58,665 --> 00:19:59,799
I'M HERE FOR A FIGHT!
452
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:00,567
WHAT DID I DO?
453
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,368
NOTHING
454
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,602
BUT LET'S FIND SOMETHING
455
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,404
OR, OR, BETTER YET,
SOMETHNIG I DID
456
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,939
THAT'S A MUCH RICHER AREA.
457
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:07,940
IS THIS FROM THE BOOK?
458
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,542
OH, FORGET THE BOOK!
459
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,110
THE BOOK JUST WANTS
TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
460
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,612
AND YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE HAPPY?
461
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,714
NOT ALL THE TIME.
IT'S NO FUN.
462
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,048
I NEED CONFLICT.
463
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,618
IT MAKES ME FEEL.
IT MAKES ME LEARN!
464
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:19,986
SO COME ON, BRING IT.
465
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,322
NO, I DON'T WANT
TO DO THAT.
I'M HAPPY.
466
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,089
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
467
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:23,723
YES, I AM.
468
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:24,724
YES, I AM.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
469
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:25,892
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM!
470
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:29,128
YES, I AM!
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
471
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:31,431
THIS IS THE FACE
OF PEACE AND
TRANQUILITY--
472
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,900
PERMA-HAPPY MARY!
473
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,338
OH, GOD, YOU'RE SEXY
WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY.
474
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:38,771
KISS ME.
475
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:39,506
MMM!
476
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,841
MMM!
477
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,779
AH, SO TOMMY IS
REALLY BUMMED
478
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,315
HE DIDN'T GET
INTO THAT FRATERNITY.
479
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,650
GOOD! LET HIM
FEEL MISERABLE NOW.
480
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,185
THAT WAY, HE'LL APPRECIATE
HOW GOOD HE FEELS
481
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:54,354
WHEN HE FINALLY DOES GET IN.
482
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,422
AH, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
483
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,425
I REWROTE THE BY-LAWS.
484
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,626
YOU KNOW, IT'S WEIRD.
485
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,662
IF A HUMAN WANTS
TO BE RICH OR THIN
OR HAPPY,
486
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:04,797
THEY GOT TO READ ABOUT
HOW TO DO IT
IN A BOOK.
487
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:08,935
YEAH, BUT ALL
THE NEGATIVE CRAP
SEEMS TO COME EASILY.
488
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,903
THERE'S NO BOOK
THAT TELLS YOU HOW TO BE
489
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,205
SELFISH, STUPID OR OBNOXIOUS.
490
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:17,176
HEY, MAYBE YOU
SHOULD WRITE ONE.
491
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,346
WELL, I COULD,
BUT I'M TOO LAZY.
492
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,648
YEAH.
33740
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