Original subtitles

Dick: MARY?!

MARY!

LET ME TAKE YOUR PICTURE WITH MY COOL, NEW CAMERA.

OH, NO. QUIT IT! I ALWAYS LOOK TERRIBLE IN THOSE PICTURES.

BUT THESE ARE STICKY!

DICK, I'M TRYING TO WORK HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR NEW TOY OUTSIDE?

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN HERE.

LET'S DO THE MANY MOODS OF MARY ALBRIGHT.

ANGRY....

ANGRY...

OK, THAT'S ENOUGH ANGRY.

LET'S MOVE ON TO IMPISH.

THIS IS REALLY ANNOYING BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME.

BUT YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME.

WHERE'S IMPISH?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE ARE ABOUT TO GET INTO A HUGE FIGHT.

OH, IF THAT'S THE CASE,

I BETTER PUT IN A NEW ROLL OF FILM.

I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

ALL RIGHT, SO ARE WE ON FOR TONIGHT?

NO, UM, I THINK WE SHOULD JUST TAKE THE WEEKEND OFF.

WHAT? YEAH. YEAH.

THIS WILL BE GREAT.

UM, LET'S JUST TALK IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

AND I'LL HAVE SOME TIME TO MYSELF

AND YOU'LL HAVE SOME TIME TO BREAK YOUR NEW CAMERA.

BUT, MARY--

NINA!

DID YOU HEAR ANY OF THAT?

UNFORTUNATELY, YES.

I COULDN'T FIND MY WALKMAN IN TIME.

SO IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR ME AND MARY?

NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.

TAKING TIME APART IS WHAT HEALTHY COUPLES DO.

THAT'S WHY YOU TWO HAVE NEVER DONE IT.

BUT, NINA--

SO, DICK, WHAT ARE YOU AND ALBRIGHT DOING TONIGHT?

WHAT ALL HEALTHY COUPLES ARE DOING...

SPENDING TIME APART.

Harry: I KNOW. I KNOW.

HARRY, YOU'RE SOAKING.

WELL, I WENT FOR A WALK

AND GOT CAUGHT IN THE RAIN,

AND SO I CALLED 911.

DON GAVE ME A RIDE HOME.

WELL, I WAS GLAD TO DO IT,

BUT WHEN I FILE MY PAPERWORK,

YOU'RE A RUNAWAY GIRL WHO TURNED HER LIFE AROUND

AFTER SOME STRAIGHT TALK FROM A CARING COP.

THAT'S ACTUALLY CLOSER THAN YOU MIGHT THINK.

WELL, SEE YOU LATER, SALLY.

BYE, HON.

HARRY!

YOU WENT WALKING IN THE RAIN IN MY NEW SUEDE JACKET?!

WELL, THE GUY ON CHANNEL 10 SAID IT WAS GONNA BE SUNNY,

AND I'M EXPERIMENTING WITH THE BUTTONS ON THE OTHER SIDE.

YOU JACKASS! THOSE IDIOTS ON TV CAN'T PREDICT THE WEATHER.

BUT THEY ARE VERY GOOD WITH THE LOTTO NUMBERS.

DICK, THIS COAT COST ME 400 BUCKS.

WE ARE GOING DOWN THERE. SOMEONE'S PAYING FOR IT.

WELL, IF YOU CAN DO THAT,

THEN I'LL GO HALFSIES ON YOUR NEW BLOUSE,

'CAUSE THAT RAN LIKE A SON OF A GUN.

WOW.

THE CHANNEL 10 NEWS SET.

THIS IS ALMOST LIKE BEING THERE.

HARRY, WE ARE THERE.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

I'M A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED.

WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU FOLKS?

ARE YOU THE IDIOT WHO DOES THE WEATHER?

NO. HE'S THE IDIOT WHO DOES THE NEWS.

WAIT A SECOND. I KNOW YOU.

YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE...

I'M CHAZ MONTANA.

NO. THAT'S NOT IT.

GIVE ME A MINUTE.

CHAZ MONTANA?

THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?

YES.

OK. LOOK, MONTANA,

YOU DOPES PREDICTED CLEAR SKIES,

AND MY BROTHER HERE GOT CAUGHT IN A DOWNPOUR.

HEY, WERE YOU IN FLASHDANCE?

WHATEVER. LOOK. YOUR STUPID FORECAST

RUINED THE BEST JACKET I EVER OWNED.

MISS, WE DON'T HAVE A BIG WEATHER BUDGET

LIKE THE OTHER STATIONS.

WE JUST PULL OUR FORECAST OFF THE INTERNET.

IT'S REALLY COOL. YOU JUST TYPE IN YOUR ZIP CODE--

SAVE IT. RIGHT.

LOOK AT THAT SATELLITE PHOTO.

ANY IDIOT KNOWS THAT AN OCCLUDED FRONT

HOVERING OVER THE TWIN COUNTIES

WILL NOT GENERATE PRECIPITATION

PROVIDED THE DEW POINT DOESN'T SPIKE,

BUT LOOK, IT'S SPIKING.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, I'M TRAINED TO KNOW THAT.

YOU CAN JEOPARDIZE YOUR OWN SECURITY

BY NOT BEING CONSTANTLY AWARE OF ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS.

I TOTALLY AGREE.

NO. NOT FLASHDANCE.

YOU WERE ON THE NEW FAME!

ALL RIGHT, BOYS.

HERE IS HOW IT'S GONNA GO DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

EITHER I GET PAID IN FULL FOR MY JACKET,

OR I AM WALKING OUT OF HERE WITH THAT ACTION NEWS DESK.

I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

YOU GOT MORE KNOWLEDGE AND TRAINING

THAN ANYONE WE HAVE.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE OUR NEW WEATHER GIRL?

ME?

ON TV?

OK.

OOH, DICK, I GOT A JOB.

I'M THE NEW WEATHER GIRL DOWN AT CHANNEL 10.

ISN'T THAT COOL?

YEAH, AND I'VE GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU, TOO.

THIS IS GUY NIGHT, SO CIAO, CHICKIE.

THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

HARRY!

COME ON IN HERE, WILL YA?

HARRY, THIS TIME APART FROM MARY

IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO HANG OUT WITH YOU,

LIKE WE USED TO.

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

AH, THAT'S HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD.

OH. WELL, SHOULD I GO GET SOME BEERS?

NAH, UH-UH-UH. NO NEED.

I'VE GOT A WHOLE PITCHER OF MAI TAIS RIGHT HERE.

MARY'S FAVORITE.

LOOK. I'VE EVEN GOT PARASOLS.

THERE YOU GO.

THIS IS SO COOL.

WITH MARY, IT'S ALL ABOUT CANDLELIGHT,

BUT NOT FOR US GUYS.

THAT'S WHY I GOT PAPER LANTERNS.

YOU KNOW, I'M GOOD WITH THE OVERHEADS.

HARRY, DO YOU LOVE JAZZ?

UH...

SOFT, SMOOTH GUY-JAZZ?

[SOFT JAZZ PLAYING]

HERE. SIT, SIT.

NO. NO. NO. NO.

ON THE FLOOR. HERE. UNDER THE QUILT.

DOWN THE HATCH, DUDE.

HEY.

THIS FEELS SO RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING TO THINK

THAT MAYBE WE NEED A COUPLE OF DAYS APART.

NO! YEAH.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY WITH YOUR CAMERA?

I ALREADY BROKE IT.

SALLY?

THERE'S THE TEENIEST OF WARMING TRENDS ON ITS WAY,

BUT IS IT TIME TO BREAK OUT

OUR COCOA BUTTER AND ESPADRILLES?

ONLY I KNOW FOR SURE, BECAUSE I'M SALLY STORM.

AND WE'RE CLEAR.

THAT WAS GREAT!

NOW, THE KEY TO DRAWING IN AN AUDIENCE

IS FOR YOU AND CHAZ TO HAVE THAT WITTY, ON-AIR BANTER.

BUT IT'S GOT TO BE GENUINE. THE FOLKS AT HOME LOVE IT

IF YOU AND I ARE REALLY GOOD BUDDIES.

OK. UH, GENUINE BUDDY-BANTER COMING UP.

IN 5, 4, 3, 2...

HERE'S SALLY WITH THE FORECAST.

THANKS, CHAZ-BO. WELL, TOMORROW

THE TEMPERATURES WILL BE IN THE LOW 50s,

AND WE'LL BE GOING FROM FREEZY TO BREEZY

AS THIS SHIFT WILL BRING ABOUT

A SLIGHT BIT OF WIND

TO THE SOUTHWEST QUADRANT OF RUTHERFORD.

ACTUALLY, CHAZ, IT'LL BE MORE LIKE A ZEPHYR.

WOW. SO, A LITTLE WINDY, HUH, SAL?

OH, VERY WINDY, CHAZ.

SO YOU BETTER DOUBLE UP ON THAT GLUE YOU USE

TO HOLD YOUR WIG IN PLACE.

NO. NO, IT ISN'T.

[RING]

HELLO.

HELLO. DID YOU CALL?

BECAUSE I WAS IN THE SHOWER. I DON'T HAVE A THING ON.

I DIDN'T CALL.

A-ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE THE PHONE RANG.

HOW ARE YOU?

DICK!

WHATCHA DOIN'?

I'M WATCHING A FILM.

OH! IS IT A FILM THAT WE SAW TOGETHER

AND YOU'RE WATCHING IT BECAUSE IT REMINDS YOU OF ME?

IF YOU MUST KNOW, IT'S DEUCE BIGELOW, MALE GIGOLO.

I'M HANGING UP NOW.

NO, NO. NO, MARY, WAIT.

THERE'S... THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO ASK YOU.

WELL, QUICKLY!

WHATCHA DOIN'?

IF ONLY SHE LOOKED AT ME THE WAY SHE LOOKED AT DEUCE BIGELOW, MALE GIGOLO.

Sally, on TV: HA HA HA.

WELCOME BACK. I'M SALLY STORM,

AND THIS IS THE ACCU-WEATHER FORECAST.

SALLY, LOOKIN' GOOD!

SO, MR. HAPPY SUN WILL HIT LIKE A LEAD PIPE

ON THE SOFT CARTILAGE OF RUTHERFORD'S NOSE,

CREATING A 2.5 MILE PER HOUR BREEZE

THAT'LL TRAVEL DOWN ELM STREET,

BANK OFF CITY HALL, AND DISSIPATE INTO THE PARK.

WAIT A MINUTE.

Chaz: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BE THAT SPECIFIC, SALLY?

WELL, WAS I RIGHT TODAY, CHAZ?

WELL, YES. YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT.

EVERY FORECAST.

NO!

IN FACT, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE PREDICT THE WEATHER SO ACCURATELY.

AND I'VE NEVER SEEN A GROWN MAN THROW UP TO KEEP HIS WEIGHT DOWN,

BUT IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR YOU, CHAZ.

[RING]

HELLO.

HELLO, MARY?

WHATCHA DOIN'?

SALLY?

HEY.

I SAW YOUR BROADCAST.

WE HAVE TO TALK.

I CAN'T. I GOTTA GET THESE CHARTS TOGETHER FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

SALLY, IT'S OVER.

WHAT? WHY?

YOU'RE TOO ACCURATE.

THEY'RE GONNA BE ONTO US.

DICK, I CANNOT QUIT. I HAVE WHAT WE IN THIS BUSINESS CALL HEAT.

AND YOU'LL FEEL HEAT WHEN YOU'RE UNDER THE FBI's GIANT MAGNIFYING GLASS.

THAT'S RIGHT. THEY HAVE ONE.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS 'CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON TV.

SALLY, MAYBE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN

ABOUT THE DICK SOLOMON GOOD-TIME HOUR?

I HAVE WORK TO DO, OK?

SALLY, YOU WILL NOT--

OH, MY GOD... WHAT?

LOOK AT THIS.

WHEN THIS MOIST GULF AIR COLLIDES WITH THIS CANADIAN COLD FRONT

AND THIS ALBERTA CLIPPER HAS HER WAY,

A SERIES OF TORNADOS WILL LEVEL...

ALL OF RUTHERFORD.

OUCH.

I GOTTA WARN 'EM.

NO. YOU ARE A SECURITY OFFICER FIRST AND A WEATHER GIRL SECOND!

YOU CANNOT COMPROMISE THIS MISSION!

NO ONE ELSE CAN PREDICT THESE TORNADOS!

THE OTHER STATIONS WILL GET IT ALL WRONG!

THAT'S BECAUSE THE ALIENS WHO WORK ON THOSE STATIONS ARE KEEPING THEIR MOUTHS SHUT!

DICK, LISTEN TO ME.

AT 9:05 TOMORROW NIGHT,

THERE WILL BE A CATASTROPHIC WEATHER EVENT,

AND PEOPLE WILL GET HURT!

YOU KNOW WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HUMAN EVENTS.

NOW YOU WILL STAND IN FRONT OF THOSE CAMERAS, SMILE YOUR BIGGEST SMILE,

AND PREDICT SUNNY SKIES AND MILD TEMPERATURES!

ARE YOU ASKING ME TO TAKE A DIVE?

I'M NOT ASKING, LIEUTENANT, I'M TELLING. IT'S AN ORDER.

OK, NOW THAT THAT'S OVER, CAN WE TALK ABOUT MARY?

'CAUSE I'M FEELING KIND OF BLUE.

OH, WOW! THIS IS GREAT, DICK!

HOW DID YOU FIND OUT THAT PENDELTON HAD A BOMB SHELTER?

UH, THE SAME WAY I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE AIRPORT.

MARY AND I SNUCK IN HERE FOR A NOONER.

SO WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO,

JUST COME DOWN HERE AND LIVE WHILE THE REST OF RUTHERFORD PERISHES?

NO, NO. WE'LL INVITE PEOPLE.

WE JUST HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM

TO SPEND A NIGHT IN AN ABANDONED BOMB SHELTER

WITHOUT GETTING THEM A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS.

HMM, WELL, UH, I MEAN, THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM.

WE COULD PROBABLY PACK IN, LIKE, 20 PEOPLE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. I DO NOT WANT A SWEAT FEST.

YEAH. NO-CAN-DO, HARRY.

I TELL YOU WHAT, LET'S ALL JUST CHOOSE ONE PERSON.

YEAH. YEAH. SOMEBODY WITH PRACTICAL SKILLS

THAT WE'LL NEED TO SURVIVE.

OOH. HOW ABOUT THE PLUMBER?

I DON'T KNOW. WE OWE HIM MONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE NEED TO SAVE OUR LOVED ONES.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT,

ABOUT US NOT CHANGING THE COURSE OF HUMAN EVENTS?

OH, COME ON, SALLY. DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT SAVING MARY AND DON

WILL MAKE A BEAN'S WORTH OF DIFFERENCE?

OH, YEAH. GOOD POINT.

SO, HARRY, WHO ARE YOU BRINGING?

ME? OH!

WELL, I'M BRINGING...

FLEMPY JORGENSEN.

BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT FLEMPY DOES IS JUST SPANKY-DOODLE-DOO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO RESPECT MY WISHES?

MARY, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR AN EVENING OF PASSION,

ROMANCE, AND DRIED BEEF AS TENDER AS THE NIGHT.

I HAVE PLANS! I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES WITH NINA.

TELL HER WE'LL BRING HER ALONG.

AND THEN WE'LL "ACCIDENTALLY"

FORGET TO PICK HER UP.

OK. JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

I JUST WANT TO CHECK MY DOOR.

TELL ME IF IT MAKES A LOUD BANG.

IT DOES.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, THE FAIRGROUNDS WELCOMED BIG BESSY,

A GUERNSEY FROM TOLEDO WHO CAPTURED THE BLUE RIBBON

TIPPING THE SCALES AT 1,200 POUNDS.

OOH!

THAT IS ONE FAT COW.

BUT NOT AS FAT AS THE ONE GRAZING AT YOUR APARTMENT, RIGHT, CHAZ?

I--I NEVER SAID MY MOM WAS FAT.

HA HA HA. PLAYFUL MINX.

OK, AND NOW FOR TONIGHT'S FORECAST.

IT WILL BE CLEAR AND MILD...

WITH WINDS-- I MEAN, NO WINDS.

NO WINDS.

UH, CALM, DEAD CALM.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD NEWS FOR THE HUNDREDS OF CITIZENS

WHO WILL BE GATHERING DOWN AT THE PIER

TO CELEBRATE THE RENOVATION OF OLD DOWNTOWN.

HUNDREDS?

YEAH.

WELL, PERHAPS ALL OF THOSE CITIZENS

GATHERING AT THE PIER SHOULD BRING, UH,

INFLATABLE PILLOWS.

UH, BIG ONES THAT--THAT THEY COULD PERHAPS USE AS FLOTATION DEVICES.

INFLATABLE PILLOWS? THAT'S KIND OF AN ODD THOUGHT.

WELL, NOT SO ODD, CHAZ.

YOU HAVE ONE IN YOUR DRESSING ROOM SHAPED LIKE A GIRL.

I'VE HEARD YOU TALKING TO IT.

O-OK. THAT'S A BIG FAT LIE!

ALL RIGHT, THEN. HAVE A GREAT TOMORROW...

BECAUSE SALLY SAYS SO.

AND WE'RE CLEAR!

OK, SALLY, WHEN YOU STARTED HERE, I LIKED YOU.

OK? I WAS ACTUALLY EVEN THINKING OF ASKING YOU OUT.

BUT YOU BLEW IT, BABY.

DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG, CHAZ?

OK. YOU KNOW WHAT?

THE COY LITTLE "I JUST POPPED OUT OF AN EGG" ROUTINE

MIGHT'VE WORKED BEFORE, BUT NO.

NOW I KNOW YOU ARE A SELF-CONCERNED, ARROGANT, CASTRATING PERSON.

OUCH.

CHAZ...

LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND I GO OUT TONIGHT,

JUST, YOU KNOW, TOGETHER?

WE COULD MEET AT THE PIER.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

WELL, I THOUGHT PERHAPS WE COULD PLAY A LITTLE GAME CALLED "TWISTER."

OH!

WELL, I'D BETTER DO SOME STRETCHES.

HEY, DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE DIVIDER THINGS?

YOU DON'T REALLY NEED ONE,

'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE AHEAD OF YOU.

OH, NO, NO, NO. SEE, I WAS GONNA TAKE THEM BACK TO MY BUNKER

TO FEND OFF INTRUDERS. [KARATE SHOUTS]

OH! HA HA! COOL.

SO YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY?

WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY MORE OF A GATHERING, YOU KNOW?

JUST US AND SOME LOVED ONES.

YOU KNOW, MY SISTER'S SALLY STORM.

THE WEATHER GIRL WHO'S ALWAYS RIGHT?

WELL, SHE'S NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.

SHE DIDN'T PREDICT THAT I'D BE MEETING

A SWEET LITTLE ANGEL LIKE YOURSELF.

HEY, YOU WANNA COME?

I GET OFF AT 8:00.

NO, NO. THE PARTY'S AT 8:00.

YOU'LL GET OFF AT 9:00.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I LIKE YOU SO MUCH

I'M GONNA PAY FOR THESE STEAKS.

THANK GOD YOU'RE STILL HERE. I NEED YOUR HELP.

I'M OFF THE CLOCK, AND I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES.

WITH MARY, I KNOW.

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

NINA, YOU DO CARE ABOUT DR. ALBRIGHT'S HEALTH AND WELL-BEING, DON'T YOU?

YES, I CARE.

THEN YOU NEED TO BRING HER TO A PLACE TONIGHT

WHERE WE'LL ALL BE TOGETHER.

AND OUR LOVE WILL HELP US DEAL WITH THIS INEVITABLE DISASTER.

OH, MY GOD.

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AN INTERVENTION?

UH, WELL...

UH, Y-YES, NINA. IT'S AN INTERVENTION.

I KNOW HOW DR. ALBRIGHT LIKES TO DRINK,

BUT I DIDN'T THINK IT HAD GOTTEN THIS BAD.

IT HAS.

YOU KNOW, MY CLERGYMAN HAS A SPECIAL ROOM AT THE FAMILY CENTER.

AND I'M SURE IT'S LOVELY. BUT FOR OUR PURPOSES,

WE'LL MEET AT AN ABANDONED BOMB SHELTER BEHIND THE POLI-SCI BUILDING.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET HER TO GO DOWN THERE?

UH, WELL, TELL HER THAT IT'S THE GRAND OPENING OF A NEW DISCOTHEQUE

AND THE FREE SHOOTERS AND HOT WINGS STOP AT 9:00 SHARP.

GOTCHA.

9:00, REMEMBER. 9:00.

SHARP, NINA!

WATER, BATTERIES...

CAT FOOD?!

I'M NOT EATING CAT FOOD.

I KNEW YOU'D BE ALL STUCK-UP ABOUT IT, DICK.

SO I GOT YOU FANCY FEAST.

OH, THANK GOODNESS.

DICK! MARY!

HEY, SALLY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

YEAH. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

WAIT TILL WE'RE ALL SETTLED, MARY,

THEN I'LL EXPLAIN.

ARE ANY OF HER RELATIVES COMING?

NO. I HATE THEM.

HI! I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS REALLY A BOMB SHELTER HERE.

YES, SWEETHEART.

IT WAS BUILT DURING THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS.

NOW, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

OH, I'M CHERYL FROM THE MARKET.

HARRY INVITED ME.

OH, HOW NICE OF HIM,

CONSIDERING HE'LL HAVE TO GIVE YOU HALF HIS RATIONS.

SHE WILL HAVE THE KIBBLE, I WILL HAVE THE BITS.

HEY. ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE SALLY STORM FROM TV.

YEAH, THAT'S ME.

BE COOL, STAY IN SCHOOL.

NOW, I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD ALL LIKE TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.

YEAH.

DR. ALBRIGHT,

PLEASE KNOW THAT NONE OF US ARE HERE TO JUDGE YOU.

WHY WOULD YOU BE?

WHAT YOU HAVE IS A DISEASE.

YOU DO?

WELL, COULD WE CRACK A WINDOW?

I GOT JIMMY BUFFET TICKETS NEXT TUESDAY.

I'M TALKING ABOUT HER DRINKING.

MY DRINKING?!

NOW JUST HANG ON.

HEY, I THOUGHT YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR.

I KNOW YOU FROM THE SUPERMARKET.

YOU'RE THE WHITE ZINFANDEL LADY.

TH-THEY CALL ME THAT?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ALBRIGHT.

YOUR DRINKING DOESN'T JUST HURT YOU,

IT HURTS EVERYONE AROUND YOU.

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

I DO NOT HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM!

OH, DICK, IT'S TIME!

HIT THE DIRT, MARY!

EVERYBODY, DUCK AND COVER!

I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

EVERYBODY, JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

CAREFUL!

OH, THERE'S NO TORNADO.

NO WIND.

NOT EVEN A CLOUD IN THE SKY!

THERE HAS TO BE! UNLESS YOU--

UNLESS YOU WERE WRONG.

AW...NO...

NOW I GOTTA GO PUSH CHAZ OFF THE PIER MYSELF.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.

I START MY WEEKEND DETERMINED TO SPEND A LITTLE TIME AWAY FROM YOU,

AND I END UP IN A CINDER-BLOCK CELL

WITH YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.

I MAY HAVE PROBLEMS,

BUT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ALCOHOL!

WELL DONE, PEOPLE!

SHE'S COMPLETELY RECOVERED.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

GOOD JOB, SALLY.

YEAH, REALLY GOOD JOB.

I KNOW. I ALREADY FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.

I JUST DIDN'T FACTOR IN

THE SINGLE-BAND LAKE EFFECT OFF MIKFORD POND.

LOSER! OOH-OOH.

LOSER, WHOO-HOO.

I GUESS SOME THINGS IN LIFE REALLY ARE UNPREDICTABLE.

I MEAN, THERE ARE FORCES OUT THERE THAT ARE GREATER THAN HUMANS.

EVEN GREATER THAN US.

YEP. LIKE ELEPHANTS, GARLIC, AND SLINKIES.

YOU KNOW, HARRY,

YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO JOIN US OUT HERE ON THE ROOF.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UNPREDICTABLE.

MARY WANTING TO TAKE A BREAK FROM ME.

AND THE FACT THAT SOMETHING GOOD ACTUALLY CAME OF IT.

SO, MARY'S OFF THE SAUCE, HUH?

YEAH.

BUT WHEN SHE'S NOT DRINKING, SHE GETS A LITTLE CRABBY,

SO I TOLD HER I NEEDED TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?