Original subtitles

OH, LOOK, DICK! A FORTUNE-TELLER!

OH, LET'S GO IN. IT'LL BE FUN!

FORTUNE-TELLER!

IF THIS SO-CALLED FORTUNE-TELLER CAN SEE THE FUTURE,

WOULDN'T SHE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PREDICT

THE DECLINE OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?

OK, SO YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN PSYCHICS,

BUT YOU DO BELIEVE IN THE LOCH NESS MONSTER?

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE LOCH NESS MONSTER.

I BELIEVE NESSIE IS A FRIENDLY SEA SERPENT

WHOSE FRISKY DEMEANOR

HAS BEEN MISINTERPRETED AS MONSTER-LIKE.

OH!

OK, THANKS!

MRS. DUBCEK!

WELL, HI!

OH, RITA IS AN UNBELIEVABLE PSYCHIC.

WITHOUT HER, MY LIFE WOULD JUST BE A MESS.

UH-OH! I'M LATE FOR MY A.A. MEETING.

OH, COME ON. LET'S GO IN!

WELCOME! IT'S $15 EACH.

I GUESS THAT'S REASONABLE.

THE UPKEEP ON CRAPOLA MUST BE PRETTY HIGH.

LET ME GO FIRST.

HI.

YOU'VE BEEN SAD RECENTLY.

KIND OF.

GENERALIZATION, MADAME RIPOFFSKY.

YOU'RE HAPPY WITH SOME THINGS,

BUT I'M SENSING YOU'D LIKE OTHER THINGS TO CHANGE.

THAT'S TRUE.

YEAH. AS OPPOSED TO THE PEOPLE WITH PERFECT LIVES

WHO COME INTO YOUR DESPERATE LITTLE SHACK FOR GUIDANCE.

DICK, YOU'RE SPOILING IT.

OH, EXCUSE ME. PLEASE... CONTINUE, MISTRESS FRAUDINI.

IT'S OK. SOME PEOPLE HAVE SCIENTIFIC MINDS,

AND IT'S HARD FOR THEM TO PROCESS PSYCHIC PHENOMENA!

OH, PLEASE! SCIENTIFIC PH--

HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS A SCIENTIST?

HOW DO YOU THINK?

I CAN SEE THAT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND

ARE FROM 2 VERY DIFFERENT WORLDS.

YES.

DIFFERENT WORLDS? MARY, I THINK WE SHOULD GO NOW.

ONE OF THESE DAYS, HE'S GONNA UP AND LEAVE YOU...

STOP IT!

AND GO BACK TO WHEREVER HE CAME FROM.

OH, COME ON, MARY! MARY! UP, UP, UP!

DICK, TAKE IT EASY!

COME ON! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RUINING MY LIFE,

YOU HEARTLESS, EVIL PROPHETESS!

ARE THERE ANY MUTUAL FUNDS

THAT YOU ESPECIALLY LI...

NEVER MIND! YOU BITCH!

GUYS! GUYS!

I'VE JUST HAD THE MOST DISTURBING EXPERIENCE!

MARY DRAGGED ME IN TO A PSYCHIC DOWN ON WATER STREET

WHO PREDICTED THAT WE'D BE LEAVING THE PLANET!

WHOA! WAIT A SECOND.

A PSYCHIC? THOSE PEOPLE ARE FOR REAL?

WELL, THIS ONE IS. SHE IS GOOD.

WE'RE NOT LEAVING THE PLANET, ARE WE, DICK?

WE COULD BE CALLED AWAY AT ANY SECOND,

AND I CAN'T BEAR THE THOUGHT OF MARY GROWING OLD ALONE.

I WOULDN'T WORRY, DICK.

MARY'S NOT ONE TO KEEP HER PANTIES COOL FOR TOO LONG.

YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE IS EXTREMELY RESILIENT.

MMM...SHE'S A SLUT.

BUT SHE COULD SPEND YEARS SEARCHING AND ATTRACT ONLY LOSERS.

WELL, WHAT CAN YOU DO? YOU GOT NO CONTROL.

THEN I'LL TAKE CONTROL!

I WILL DEDICATE MY LIFE TO FINDING MY SUCCESSOR.

I DON'T KNOW, DICK. IF I WERE MARY,

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO FIND ME A NEW BOYFRIEND.

BUT I MUST!

ANYONE WHO KNOWS DICK SOLOMON

KNOWS THAT HE IS COMPLETELY SELFLESS.

AND WHEN I FIND MY WORTHY REPLACEMENT, AND I SHALL,

HE WILL WAIT PATIENTLY IN THE WINGS,

AND AFTER I'VE GONE,

HE WILL LOVE MARY AS ONLY I KNOW HOW.

OH, THAT'S SWEET!

THANK YOU, HARRY.

NO, NO. I MEAN THIS CINNAMON SPARKLE SYRUP.

IT'S SWEET!

AW, POOR DICK. THAT PSYCHIC REALLY MESSED WITH HIS HEAD.

WAIT A SECOND, HARRY.

IF THAT PSYCHIC KNOWS WE'RE LEAVING THE PLANET,

THEN SHE KNOWS WE'RE ALIENS.

AND IF SHE KNOWS THAT WE'RE ALIENS,

SHE KNOWS THAT I'M AN ALIEN.

ALL RIGHT. WE GOTTA CHECK HER OUT,

AND IF SHE'S FOR REAL, WE HAVE TO KILL HER FOR SECURITY REASONS.

WHAT IF SHE'S NOT REAL?

WELL, WE KILL HER FOR SPORT.

NINA!

NINA! OH, GOOD!

LISTEN, I'M, UH, I'M WORKING ON A PROJECT,

AND I NEED YOUR HELP. SIT DOWN, DEAR.

NINA, HOW DOES A LONELY SINGLE WOMAN LIKE YOU

FIND COMPANIONSHIP?

I'M NOT LONELY, DR. SOLOMON. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

SURE YOU DO. SURE YOU DO.

BUT, UH, LET'S PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T, SHALL WE?

HOW DO YOU GO ABOUT FINDING A LOVER?

IF I HAD TO, I'D TRY A CHURCH GROUP,

THE PERSONAL ADS,

OR MAYBE EVEN THE INTERNET.

AND YET, WITH ALL THESE BRIGHT IDEAS,

YOU STILL REMAIN MISERABLE AND ALONE.

IT'S SUCH A PITY.

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON I'M MISERABLE!

OH, BUT...NO!

UH, NINA! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I'M ALMOST ENGAGED!

SO, HAVE YOU ALSO STRUCK OUT AT SINGLES BARS?

EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, AND I DO,

HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH OF HORNY, DRUNK GUYS HAS NEVER BEEN MY SCENE.

SO, IF YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT,

IT JUST MIGHT WORK!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

OH, AND, UH, NINA, IF I WERE YOU,

I WOULDN'T RULE OUT THE BARS.

THOSE DRUNKEN HORNY GUYS MIGHT JUST OVERLOOK

THAT SOUR PERSONALITY OF YOURS.

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

[JIGGLES DOORKNOB]

OH, NO! THE DOOR'S LOCKED.

SHE KNEW WE WERE COMING.

SHE IS FOR REAL!

RELAX, HARRY.

LET'S NOT JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS. LOOK!

THERE'S A NOTE ON THE DOOR.

"BE BACK AT 12:30."

SEE? 12:40 NOW?

SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE'D BE LATE.

I THINK YOUR WATCH IS FAST.

OH, YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT!

I SET IT 10 MINUTES FAST

'CAUSE I FOUND THAT I WAS ALWAYS...

RUNNING LATE.

YEAH. UH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING. UM...

OUR BUS IS GONNA PICK US UP AT THE, UH...

BUS STOP?

UH-HUH. HARRY, DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THOSE...

TOKENS?

OH, MY GOD!

AAH! AAH!

DICK, WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE?

EVERYONE HERE IS HALF MY AGE AND TWICE AS GOOD-LOOKING.

MARY, YOU COULD JUMP BACK INTO THIS GAME IN A SECOND.

YOU'RE TOUGH COMPETITION FOR ALL THESE WOMEN.

THANK YOU, DICK.

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK

MORE THAN ANY OF THEM,

AND THEY KNOW IT.

NOT TO MENTION YOU COULD DRINK

MOST OF THESE MEN UNDER THE TABLE.

YOU ARE NOT A LOSER.

LOSER? I NEVER SAID I WAS A--

MARY, REPEAT AFTER ME, "I AM NOT A BEAST."

OH, DICK!

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW A LOT OF MEN FIND ME VERY ATTRACTIVE.

IN FACT, THERE'S A GUY OVER THERE WHO'S BEEN CHECKING ME OUT.

WHAT? WHERE?

OH, GOOD EYE!

STAY HERE! LOOK PRETTY! I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OH, DICK! PLEASE DON'T START A FIGHT WITH THAT GUY!

EXCUSE ME.

YOU SEEM LIKE AN INTELLIGENT,

FAIRLY WELL-GROOMED YOUNG MAN.

OH! AND I SEE YOU WORK OUT!

DUDE, DON'T TOUCH ME.

HEY! LEXUS KEY CHAIN! WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING?

I'M TALKING HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME WITH HER FOR?

YOU SEE THAT HOT BLONDE SIPPING ON A PIÑA COLADA?

WELL, RIGHT BEHIND HER

IS AN EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONAL WOMAN

WHO COULD USE A MAN LIKE YOU,

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANT TO PARTY?

EXCUSE ME. YOU WORK WITH THAT GUY?

YES, I WORK WITH DICK. WHY?

LET'S NOT CAUSE A SCENE.

WE DON'T WANT YOUR KIND HERE.

FIND YOUR JOHNS IN SOME OTHER BAR.

WHAT?!

HEY! HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

DICK, THEY THINK I'M A HOOKER!

A HOOKER?!

YEAH, MARY!

YOU STILL GOT IT, BABY!

OK, OK, OK. LET'S FOCUS HERE.

HOW DO YOU KILL SOMEBODY WHO CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE?

WE'LL HAVE TO DO IT...

UNPREDICTABLY.

RIGHT! LIKE AN ACCIDENT.

BUT HOW DO YOU PLAN AN ACCIDENT?

NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T,

BUT YOU CAN ACCIDENTALLY PLAN

TO ACCIDENTALLY KILL SOMEBODY.

BY ACCIDENT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

LIKE, SHE COULD BE ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH,

AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY

RUN HER OVER WITH YOUR CAR.

THAT'S A GOOD PLAN!

EH.

OH, NO. IT'S NOT GONNA WORK, THOUGH.

I MEAN, IF WE ALREADY PLAN IT,

IT'S NO LONGER AN ACCIDENTAL PLAN.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE IT WAS A GOOD ONE.

OH! I GOT A GREAT ONE!

SHUT UP, HARRY! DON'T SAY IT!

THE ONLY WAY THIS PLAN WILL WORK

IS IF I DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT

UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND.

OF COURSE!

IT'S PERFECT!

SO, THEN. I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

SURE.

SEE YOU AROUND. YEAH.

OR NOT.

OR NOT. YEAH.

HELLO. RUTHERFORD HARDWARE?

YES. YOU HAVE AN AD HERE

FOR SOMETHING CALLED A STUD FINDER.

DOES THIS THING...

DOES THIS THING REALLY WORK?

YEAH. GOOD, BECAUSE I NEED A MAN WHO...

HELLO? HEL--OH!

IDIOT!

DR. SOLOMON, WEREN'T YOU ALREADY WARNED ABOUT SKIPPING CLASS

TO MAKE PHONY PHONE CALLS?

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TEACH CLASS TODAY.

WELL, WHEN THIS KIND OF "EMERGENCY" HAPPENS, YOU SHOULD LET ME KNOW.

THERE'S A VISITING LECTURER WHO'S DYING TO SUBSTITUTE FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN REPLACE ME?

YEAH. HIS NAME'S GARY HEMMINGS.

GARY. DON'T LIKE IT, BUT A NAME CAN CHANGE.

TELL ME ABOUT THIS GARY.

IS HE QUICK-WITTED, WELL-TEMPERED, VIRILE?

UH, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GO GET HIM.

DOES HE LIKE TO SEE SNOWFLAKES

FALL ON THE FACE OF HIS BELOVED?

WILL HE WIPE AWAY THE SLEEP FROM HER EYES,

ONLY TO BE BLINDED

BY THE SUNSHINE OF HER FLAWLESS COMPLEXION?

DOES HE HAVE JUST THE TINIEST OF CRUSHES

ON HARRISON FORD?

DR. SOLOMON. NINA SAID YOU WANTED TO SEE ME.

IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO A MIRROR!

MY GOD! YOU'RE GORGEOUS!

GARY.

YES?

I'VE LIVED IN RUTHERFORD FOR 5 YEARS NOW.

I AM ARGUABLY THE MOST CELEBRATED PROFESSOR AT PENDLETON,

AND I AM DATING A MAJOR HOTTIE.

NOW, DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A LIFE THAT GARY HEMMINGS COULD LEAD?

WELL, YES, PROFESSOR.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE WHERE YOU ARE.

GOOD. BECAUSE, GARY, I COULD BE CALLED AWAY AT ANY MOMENT.

YOU NEED NOT KNOW WHY.

AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, I'LL NEED THE RIGHT MAN

TO STEP IN AND TAKE MY PLACE.

ARE YOU OFFERING ME A FULL-TIME POSITION?

POTENTIALLY.

IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW YOU AND MARY HIT IT OFF.

MARY? I HAD NO IDEA DR. ALBRIGHT WAS SO INFLUENTIAL.

HEMMINGS, GET YOUR HEAD INTO THE GAME!

IF MARY DOESN'T LIKE YOU, NONE OF THIS WILL WORK!

WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE SHE LIKES ME.

AFTER ALL,

THERE'S PLENTY OF SOLID EXPERIENCE UNDER MY BELT.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE IT WILL STAY UNTIL I'M GONE, ALL RIGHT?

UNTIL THEN, I SUGGEST YOU FOCUS ON FLOWERS,

CHOCOLATES, AND CERAMIC FIDDLE-PLAYING CATS.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT'S APPROPRIATE?

OK. I CAN SEE I'M WASTING MY TIME HERE.

GOOD DAY, SIR.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I CAN DO THAT.

I CAN PLAY THE GAME, SIR.

OH, IT'S NO GAME.

YOU'LL SEE THAT TONIGHT WHEN THE THREE OF US DINE,

AND LET THE PIECES FALL WHERE THEY MAY.

OK. THAT'S GREAT.

GOOD. OH, AND, GARY?

YES, SIR.

BE A LAMB AND FILL THIS UP FOR ME, WILL YOU?

YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL NOWADAYS.

THANKS FOR WAITING.

I CAN'T FIND MY TAROT CARDS.

GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

HMM.

OK, BUT A GUY WALKING AROUND

WITH A BOTTLE OF HONEY,

I SURE HOPE THAT NO ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!

UHH!

OH! AW! AAH!

OH, I'M SO SORRY! I'M SUCH A KLUTZ!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOW, SALLY!

OK! WHAT?

RELEASE THE KILLER BEES!

AAH!

I DON'T HAVE ANY KILLER BEES.

I KNOW. I KIND OF THOUGHT THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.

AW, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME THE PLAN, MAN.

WELL, YOU TOLD ME NOT TO!

OH, THERE SHE IS!

YEAH. ISN'T SHE A VISION?

SHE'S A LOVELY WOMAN, SIR.

SHE'S A FOX.

HI, DICK!

OH, MARY!

AND DICK'S FRIEND, WHO'S JOINING US ON OUR ROMANTIC DATE.

MARY ALBRIGHT,

GARY HEMMINGS, A BRILLIANT PHYSICIST.

I'VE TAKEN HIM UNDER MY WING,

AND I'M GROOMING HIM

FOR HIS MOST IMPORTANT CHALLENGE OF ALL.

NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, DR. ALBRIGHT. YEAH.

OH, BY ALL MEANS, CALL HER MARY,

OH! OR PUDDIN'-NOSE.

OR DR. ALBRIGHT.

GARY, ARE YOU GONNA GIVE US

ONE OF YOUR TRADEMARK SMILES?

PLEASE, SIR. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME NOW.

COME ON. IT'S FOR MARY!

COO COO COO COO COO COO COO COO COO COO!

OK!

THERE IT IS! YEAH.

DICK!

SO, UH, DR. ALBRIGHT, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AN ANTHROPOLOGIST?

OH!

OH, YEAH! WHAT AN INTERESTING QUESTION!

GARY, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR JUST A MOMENT?

HEMMINGS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE SUCH A LOX!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!

EVERY WOMAN WANTS SPARKLE!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DICK, THEY'RE PLAYING OUR SONG!

WELL, IT COULD BE GARY'S SONG, TOO, MARY.

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

WELL, HE'S, UM, UH...

DANCING WITH YOU!

UH, GARY, TAKE OVER. I'M A LITTLE WINDED.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

DON'T MIND DICK. HE'S, UM, EH...

ECCENTRIC.

YEAH.

MOST BRILLIANT PEOPLE ARE.

YOU'RE A BIT ECCENTRIC YOURSELF, DR. ALBRIGHT.

REALLY? HEH!

LOOK AT THEM.

MY GIRLFRIEND AND HER FUTURE LOVER.

AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL?

IT'S A PERFECT MATCH.

YOU'VE DONE WELL, DICK SOLOMON.

TOO WELL!

HI. I'M SALLY, AND THIS IS HARRY.

WE'D LIKE TO GET A READING.

I'M NOT TELLING YOU YOUR FUTURES.

I SHOULD HAVE YOU TWO ARRESTED!

OH, PLEASE. WE'RE NOT HERE FOR US!

WE WANT TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE!

MY FUTURE?

WELL, SURE. I MEAN, OUR LIVES ARE SO BORING,

BUT WE'D KILL TO HEAR YOURS!

MY CUSTOMERS ONLY ASK ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT MINE.

OH, WE CARE! OH, WE CARE!

AW!

BLESS YOUR HEARTS! HA HA HA!

I SEE A SAD LITTLE GIRL FROM A SMALL FARM.

BLAH BLAH BLAH! HOW DOES IT ALL END?

EXCUSE ME?

WELL, JUST SKIP THE MIDDLE

AND GET TO THE END.

HOW DO YOU DIE?

DIE? YEAH!

WELL, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A CLEAR VISION OF MYSELF DYING

DURING A PASSIONATE NIGHT OF LOVEMAKING.

NOT A BAD WAY TO DIE, HUH?

Sally: HA HA!

NOT AT ALL! HA HA HA!

BUT A HORRIBLE WAY TO KILL, RIGHT, HARRY?

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S GONNA BE TRICKY. YEAH.

[SPRAYS BREATH FRESHENER]

I MEAN, WHO KNOWS WHAT LIES BENEATH THAT MUUMUU?

DICK!

WHA-WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?

DICK, THIS PSYCHIC IS DANGEROUS TO THE MISSION.

HARRY IS MOMENTS AWAY FROM MAKING LOVE TO HER...

TO DEATH!

GOOD PLAN. YEAH.

BUT FIRST I HAVE TO TALK TO HER.

UH UH UH!

THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR TALK

DURING MY 2 1/2 HOURS OF FOREPLAY.

OH, NO, NO!

I COMMAND YOU TO SUSPEND THIS EROTICIDE

UNTIL I HAVE SPOKEN TO RITA!

I HAVE TO FIND OUT WHEN WE'RE LEAVING THIS PLANET!

WHY?

I FINALLY FOUND

THE PERFECT REPLACEMENT FOR MYSELF.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT!

IT IS GREAT, FOR MARY,

BUT WHEN I PLANNED THIS SELFLESS ACT,

I HAD NO IDEA HOW IT WOULD AFFECT ME!

IT'S HEARTBREAKING!

I'VE GOT TO FIND OUT

HOW MUCH TIME I HAVE LEFT WITH MY BELOVED.

WELL, WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY, DICK?

10 YEARS?

THAT QUICK? 10 SHORT YEARS? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?

WELL, IT COULD BE 10 MONTHS.

10 TINY MONTHS? I'M AS GOOD AS GONE ALREADY!

WELL, DICK, YOU FOUND YOUR REPLACEMENT.

FACE IT! FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE JUST A TEMP!

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE ONLY THING STANDING BETWEEN MARY AND TRUE LOVE

IS ME!

OH, IF ONLY I'D SEEN THIS COMING!

DAMN YOU, RITA!

I WANT TO KILL YOU MYSELF!

BUT HOW DO YOU KILL SOMEONE WHO CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE?

MMM! I GOT YOU COVERED.

[SPRAYS BREATH FRESHENER]

[KNOCKS]

DR. SOLOMON, YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

OH, YES. GARY, PLEASE SIT DOWN.

THANK YOU.

LOOK, THERE'S NO NEED

TO DELAY THE INEVITABLE, GARY,

MY SON, MY BROTHER, MY PROTEGE...

ME!

YOU MEAN I'VE GOT THE JOB?

WHEN DO I START, SIR?

MARY'S LAST CLASS STARTS AT 3:00,

SO IF YOU CAN COAX HER TO A HAPPY HOUR AT 5:00,

YOU SHOULD BE IN THE SACK BY 7:00.

WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE.

I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH DR. ALBRIGHT JUST TO GET THE JOB.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SLEEPING WITH MARY IS THE JOB.

WELL, PART OF IT, ANYWAY.

SHE LIKES TO SHOP, TOO.

I JUST WANT TO TEACH PHYSICS.

THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED.

WE HAD A DEAL!

HEY, GUYS! CHICKEN JERUSALEM IN THE CAFETERIA!

DR. ALBRIGHT,

YOU MAY BE A HANDSOME WOMAN,

AND I WOULD CERTAINLY LOVE

A POSITION HERE AT THE UNIVERSITY,

BUT I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU!

GOOD-BYE!

OK. THAT'S FAIR.

DICK...

GUESS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

[SIGHS]

THEY CALL IT CHICKEN JERUSALEM

BECAUSE THEY MAKE IT WITH JERUSALEM ARTICHOKES.

ANYWAY...

WHY DOESN'T GARY WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME?

OH, BECAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT,

AND NOW I DON'T KNOW

WHAT'S GONNA BECOME OF YOU WHEN I'M GONE!

OH, MY GOD! DICK, YOU'RE NOT DYING, ARE YOU?

NO, I'M NOT, BUT WHAT IF I DID?

THAT PSYCHIC SCARED ME.

SHE MADE ME THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU

IF I WEREN'T AROUND ANYMORE?

I THOUGHT GARY COULD REPLACE ME,

BUT NOW I DON'T WANT TO BE REPLACED!

YOU'RE NOT SAYING THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO FIX GARY AND ME UP?

YES! IT'S THE HARDEST THING I EVER HAD TO DO!

LISTEN, YOU.

THAT PSYCHIC DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

YOU HAVE MANY, MANY YEARS AHEAD OF YOU,

AND I WILL BE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE.

AND AFTER THAT, I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE.

MARY, YOU'D RATHER BE ALONE?

AFTER YOU, I'M DONE!

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

HOW COULD I EXPECT YOU TO EVER SETTLE FOR ANYONE ELSE

AFTER BEING WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME?

I'VE RUINED YOU.

MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW.

AFTER SO LONG ON THIS PLANET,

I'VE FINALLY LEARNED MY MOST IMPORTANT LESSON OF ALL.

OH. WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED DICK AND LOST DICK

THAN NEVER TO HAVE HAD DICK AT ALL.

STILL, I'LL PASS.

OH, BY THE WAY, DID YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT SECURITY RISK?

Harry: I'M ON TOP OF IT!

OH, HARRY! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED?

NO, NOT YET. I JUST CAME DOWN TO GET SOME WATER.

WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?

I DON'T KNOW! SHE JUST KEEPS GETTING STRONGER!

LOOK! NOW, JUST REMEMBER, HARRY.

THE ENTIRE MISSION IS COUNTING ON YOU,

SO KEEP IT UP!

EASIER SAID THAN DONE!