Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

* *

- Pujara leans forward and punches it through

the covers, and he's beaten a chasing Hazelwood.

That's a glorious stroke,

and it's going all the way to the rope.

- I don't like it

- All due respect, Agnes,

you're not exactly flush with options.

- I don't like you either. - You got good company there.

You are looking at a remote seaside church

in 2022.

I mean, they could stack the pews with gold bullion,

and no one would come looking.

And this isn't even the church. It's the church office.

It's kinda like a island off the coast of an island.

- I still don't like you. - Hey.

Hey, did you take your hat off when you were in there?

- Yeah. - Why?

- The church.

- I know what the building is, man.

I'm just asking why you took your hat off.

- You can't have your hat on in church, mate.

Very disrespectful.

- Mate, if this gets busted, I am moving into a two bed cell

at Indigo Valley Maximum Security

with my sister. Yeah?

And we have some historical issues that,

well, that might prove slightly uncomfortable.

- I'm very sorry to hear that, but, look, if this gets busted,

I get busted, and there is a much worse fate

waiting for me than a family prison cell.

- So let me get this straight.

You don't wanna disrespect the God

that you don't believe in, is that right?

- I didn't say I don't believe. - So you do believe in him?

- Mate, I'm not gonna get into the complexions of my beliefs.

All right? All I'm saying is that when I get up there,

I'll be happy I did.

- What, took off your hat? - Yeah.

- After filling his sacred house of worship

with illegal tobacco.

- Exactly - Five grand a week.

- That'll be three grand a week, altar boy.

And you'll get it at the end of the month.

- Storage, safeguarding, and dispatch for a month

of high personal risk with nothing upfront, huh?

- Fine, five a week. - Upfront.

Nothing like a Christian contraband deal

before breakfast, eh, Agnes?

- You have a sizable pair of balls for a priest

I'll give you that.

* *

You're not gonna tell me, are you?

- Tell you what? - Who you really are.

- Me? I'm the reverend

- [laughs]

[cheery vocal music]

* *

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- Catch me a fish.

- Cummins strides in to bowl, over the wicket,

and Pujara pounces on it, pushing it out past

extra cover, and it will be picked up in the deep.

Nathan Lyon doing the honors.

Just a single to take Pujara into the 60s.

Pat Cummins scratching his head.

Attack or defend, what can you do?

- [grunts] - Is the pitch going to crack?

Where's the downpour coming from?

Who's he going to throw the ball to?

Who can stop the bleeding?

So Hazelwood approaches again, and he's slapped over cover,

one bounce to the rope, and this is fast becoming

a humiliation for the visitors...

* *

- Here we go folks, VIP guests.

Fair pay! Fair pay for a fair day!

Fair pay for a fair day! Can I hear it?

Fair pay for a fair day!

Fair pay for a fair day!

- You've come to join us, Sarge.

I've gotta a spare chair for you.

- I'm okay. Thanks, Keith.

- Moving on to arrests? Bold move, Officer.

- Amy, it's your dad.

* *

- And sends it down the leg side

and Pant has a little push behind square,

and finds a glance that will carry all the way down

to the boundary. No man out there, easy runs.

- Thanks, Aidan.

- Yeah. Of course.

- Okay, well, he wanted to be cremated.

- We can talk about all of this later, Amy.

- We're in the middle of a heat wave, Piper.

Leave him there any longer, he'll turn

to a sausage sizzle.

Put him in the cool room at the bar for now.

- I'll talk to the new rev,

get things moving for the funeral.

- Good morning, Daisy. - How'd you sleep?

[donkey braying]

- What the hell is that and why is it here?

[donkey braying]

- How'd you sleep?

- Yeah, fine, good. Thanks for asking twice.

- I had the weirdest dream.

- Super excited to hear about that,

but, look, if that is your donkey out there,

then I feel like there's a conversation coming

where we're gonna have to lay down some roommate rules.

- You were working with Agnes, and it felt so real.

I want in. - Excuse me?

- Whatever you're doing, I want in.

* *

- How old are you?

- Old enough to know that I wanna get out of here.

And 300 bucks is not enough.

- So you're blackmailing me? - No, I'm just trying to help

- Out of the goodness of your own heart or--

- 500 bucks a week. - Yeah.

So you know, that is blackmail, and you can forget about it.

- There is no way you can pull off being a reverend,

and if you can't do that, there is no Agnes deal.

You need me.

- I think that I can manage to read from an old book

for an hour a week. Thanks, kid.

Oh, hi. Please do come in.

- Daisy, could we have a minute?

- Look, if this is about the livestock out there, I--

- Victor Petris passed away this morning, Rev.

- Right.

- So the Palm Sunday service today will be little somber.

And then we need to get started.

- Get started? - Funeral preparation.

- It could be huge.

- It could be meaningful, Peter.

- Of course. - No, no.

I mean, I--It's not like I knew the guy.

I can't bury him.

- It's your church, and you will be presiding.

- Rev, the whole town is in mourning.

- Consider the opportunity here.

Consider the people coming through our doors.

- Consider the grieving friends and family, Peter.

[quirky music]

- Problem, Rev? - Um, no.

I--can--can you just give me one second?

* *

- All right, here's the deal,

you don't say anything to anyone

and you help me get through whatever busts in

are apparently unlockable front door.

- Oh, I thought it was just reading

from an old book once a week

- And I thought I saved your ass

from the bogans yesterday.

Hello?

- How much?

- Your first job is to get me out of doing a funeral, hm?

- How much? - 50 bucks a week.

- 500. - Ah, no, 300,

and I won't charge you rent.

- How long? - As long as it takes for me

to get paid and get the hell out of this place.

- I mean, but you're doing that funeral.

- There is no more bullshit hour anywhere,

anytime than a funeral. They are lies.

Murders and tax avoiders are suddenly the Dali Lama?

It's propaganda.

Look, was the dead guy even a Christian?

Did he want a church funeral?

And who thought to put the clergy in all black?

I mean, they must have sent them all over the world.

Some of those places had to have been hot.

I mean, you'd think somebody would've learned their lesson.

- First things first, Palm Sunday service.

Consider it the warmup you so very badly need.

- Look, what's with Palm Sunday?

I mean every Sunday has to be Palm Sunday around here, right?

I mean they're everywhere.

And--and the donkey, I mean, come on, what is that?

Some sort of alternative mode of transportation for you guys?

- Palm Sunday is where Jesus rides into town on a donkey.

- Right. - So I hope you are better

at donkey riding than you are with the Bible.

- Wait, what?

* *

Wait a second, this is the hardware?

- Oi.

- That actually makes a lot of sense now.

Hey, so, like, Renee does actual hardware stuff too.

Like, she could change the locks on the manse?

- Yeah. - Oh, thank God.

Wow, that looks delicious. Are you kidding me?

This has been here the whole time?

- Hey, Renee. - Oh, morning, Daisy.

This the new rev?

- Guilty. - Ah, good to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. - Go on, grab a seat.

- Great. - Thank you.

Prayers.

Prayers will keep you out of trouble.

So if anything happens, just start a prayer, yeah?

- Someone else will do the eulogy, right?

- Stop, the funeral's tomorrow's problem.

And if you don't get through Palm Sunday,

you won't be here long enough for the funeral.

- Okay, so go. - Our main issue is Peter.

- Yeah. What is up with that guy?

- Peter lives in fear of the church being closed,

and he really knows his Bible,

so he'll know that you're a total fraud.

Just stick to the scripts.

I know it'll be boring as,

but he can't argue with the book.

- Yeah, fine, yeah, got it. Boring's fine.

- Just--just let me handle Peter.

Okay? I reckon I can get rid of him.

- Yeah, fine, whatever.

Wait, you were kidding about the donkey, right?

[soft dramatic music]

- [sighs] Mate.

Words.

Irreplaceable.

Hey Les, is--is this gonna affect opening hours?

Everybody's in terrible shock,

but people wanna know.

- Better ask Amy. It's her bar now.

- What are you talking about?

- Your dad left the place to you.

It was always the plan. I got the boat.

- He was your boyfriend. - He was your dad.

- Funeral is tomorrow. - Amy.

Amy, this place is his legacy.

It's--You're not gonna sell it, are you?

- God, Lester, shall we get him in the ground first?

- Your dad was connected to everyone, you know?

It's--this place can keep that alive.

* *

- Cheers, Vic.

* *

- Oh. [chuckles]

happy Palm Sunday. Happy Palm Sunday.

- Good on you, Peter. - Morning, Francis.

Good morning, Francis.

[quirky music]

Anywhere you want, gents.

There'll be a few more coming, I'm sure.

- Hey, come on. Come on

* *

- Just one minute, Rev.

* *

- All right. Uh, good morning.

Um, today's reading

is gonna be

from page...

page 344.

It's just about halfway down.

David was the father of Solomon

whose mother had been Uriah's wife.

* *

Jehoshaphat the father of Jehoram...

* *

Ahaz the father of Hezekiah...

* *

Coniah and his brothers... - Reverend!

- At the time of the exile to Babylon.

- Just give me one! One!

- And Mary was the mother of Jesus

who is called the Messiah.

Amen.

So...

Let us pray. - Reverend!

- Dear God, we pray to you for...

- Pause the sermon! - Pizza.

Hot, fresh food for the hungry...

* *

And heat for the cold.

- Mack!

[knocking intensely]

[grunts]

Amen.

- [gasps]

[upbeat music]

* *

- Aidan made that, didn't he? - Yep.

- I'm fine.

- Thought you could use a hand with the funeral.

- No.

- There's a lot of admin when someone dies.

- Thank you for your concern, Officer.

- I'm happy to make a call or-- - I said I'm fine.

- Grief is-- - Yes, Piper.

Please tell me what grief is.

I'd love to hear a police perspective on it.

- I know you and your dad were close.

- Was that before or after he walked out on me and mom

and then shacked up with someone else straight away?

Because that just makes life in a small town so easy.

- I do remember, mate. - Do you?

Because all I remember is you leaving

about three minutes later.

Go on. You've comforted the bereaved.

You've done your job.

You can go and put that in your police report now.

- You know that's not why I'm here.

- Honestly, Piper, I have no idea why you're here.

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- How short can a funeral be?

Yeah, just--just give me a ballpark here.

- You know, I'm not actually a reverend myself.

- Yeah. You signed up for this, kid.

- Victor was popular.

You're gonna have to get it together

or questions will be asked.

- Is that coffee? - Hey, Harry.

- Hey, Daisy. We got a problem.

The power's off again, Rev.

- Yeah, it sounds like you need an electrician

more than you need a-- well, me.

- The fridge is off at the bar.

- Okay, so warm beer. British tourists will be happy.

- Vic's in the fridge. He's gonna start to smell.

- Uh, yeah, well, so why are you telling me, man?

- Who should I be telling? - I don't know, the undertaker?

- Yeah, that's, um, you.

Plus, you know, you did knock over the power pole.

- Didn't somebody fix that?

- Ron's been trying to put it up,

but it keeps falling over.

- Hey. Hey, what's up?

Cam, what's up?

- Hi, Sheriff. - Is it life or death?

- Uh, it's--it's kind of both.

Um, I need the hearse.

- We've had that discussion, Reverend.

- No, I get it.

You've got a job to do, but so do I.

And apparently today, it's escorting a corpse

to the crematorium.

- Get someone else to do it. - Okay, yeah.

Fine. Can you do it?

Or you know what? I'll ask Lester.

Apparently, he's been drinking since, like, 9:00 a.m,.

but he knows the roads pretty well, right?

And--oh, you know what? I got it.

I'll just tie him to the back of Cameron's bike,

and we'll drag him. - [chuckles]

So, officer, instructor, excuse me.

How am I doing?

- Two hands for beginners. Ten and two.

[upbeat music]

- [grunts]

- You okay? - Yep. I'm great.

So, tell me, um,

Victor was kind of a big deal around here, huh?

- Really big. No part of this town

Vic didn't have something to do with.

But quietly, you know? He just got things done.

- So, like, in terms of the--the service,

it's, like, a-- a lot of interest?

- Oh, yeah. Pretty much a state funeral.

- Great.

Is there, like, a law against

working AC in cars around here?

- No, but there is a law against speeding

in a designated school zone. When you get to your next turn,

slow down and indicate and take it.

- Indicate what? - Use your blinker.

- Oh, right. Yes, looking both ways.

- Just pull over.

- Wait, what are you doing?

- Your miles to kilometers conversion

needs some serious practice.

- Little fast, huh?

Maybe I just need a couple more lessons.

* *

- Or I could put probation plates on the hearse.

You can drive it like a teenager.

* *

I'll take it from here, Rev.

- What? Really?

- Really.

Out you get, junior.

* *

- Can I see 20,000 to start me off?

- Yes.

- 20,000 at the front. Can I see 22?

22, the far left.

Can I see $25,000. [phone ringing]

25 in the back.

Can I see 30,000? 32,000. 32 over here.

- Rev Mack, how are you? How are the people?

How's the weather? What's happening?

Tell me everything. - How do I blow off a funeral?

- Oh, boy. A funeral already.

That's a-- that's a double ouchie.

- Yeah. Is there any way out of it?

- Well, did they ask you already?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that ship has bolted, my friend.

I mean, it's a small town.

You don't show, questions will be asked.

It'd be just plain weird. - All right.

Well then, Mackenzie, I'm gonna need you to run me through it.

- Oh, that's a big ask over the phone.

- Or I can screw it up,

and they'll kick me out of Clump,

and we both get hunted down and executed.

- Actually, they're not that hard.

I mean, it sounds like you're grieving, right? 325?

- I cannot believe they put you in charge of a congregation.

- Okay, listen to me,

slip a little Baileys into your coffee,

and you will sail right through the wake.

- 38,000 going once.

- Hey, listen with art older is better, am I right?

- Where are you?

- And what's, like, a good amount of art to buy?

Because some of this stuff... [chuckles]

I'm gonna tell you, it feels like it's overpriced,

and, honestly, I don't even think it's that accurate.

- I have no idea what you are talking about,

but if I am bankrolling some pathetic attempt

to win back your wife, I swear I am gonna make you regret it.

- You know what? I'm gonna go with older.

Yes, it feels, you know, classier,

more sophisticated. Thank you, Paulo.

- Mackenzie, I promise you-- - Paddle up over here.

55 Gs. Shut it down.

* *

- Uh, hey, Cam. - Oh, hey, Rev.

- You getting into grave robbing?

- Funeral. My dog.

- Right. Yes, in the graveyard

- Thought we give everyone a chance to say goodbye.

- I put 2:00 p.m. on the signs,

so people should be here. They all knew Guinness.

- I mean, grief really affects people in different ways.

- Anyway, he deserves a proper sendoff, Rev.

I'm gonna put him between Reverend Sukmar

and Reverend White. Yeah, they both loved Guinness.

I just--

[shovel thuds]

I think that's Reverend Sukmar actually.

Sorry.

[soft dramatic music]

* *

Used to wait for me when I got home from school.

He slept beside me.

This one time, I went away on camp for a weekend

and when I came back, he nearly lost his mind.

It was like he was just-- he was just sitting there

waiting for me to come back.

Still loving me even when he wasn't looking at me.

Hey, Rev, maybe--maybe you could say a few words.

- Yes, yes, of course. Of course.

God...

we deliver into your care Guinness...

* *

Who never stopped loving Cameron...

- Even when I was on camp. - Even when he was on camp.

* *

- [sighs]

So a couple of hymns, a reading or two,

I'll say some nice things about the guy,

short, simple, done. Boom.

- Yeah. You got it.

- What is up with that thing?

I mean, Chicago is below freezing

for most of the winter.

You hardly ever see anybody using one of those anymore.

- You need to make it Victor's. - What?

- To land the funeral.

Keep, you know, the readings and the hymns.

That's all fine, but you need to make it Victor's funeral.

Specifically his.

- I didn't know the guy. - Yeah.

Well, when my mom died,

we lit sparkles on the beach at night,

and she loved beach fires,

so we made one that the whole town held high.

That's all I remember

and really all that mattered.

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- Sorry, I didn't know that your mom was dead.

- You never asked.

- What about your dad?

- Night, Rev.

- Night, kid.

- And so it comes to pass that Marshall Kegan

is entrusted into your greater care, oh, Lord.

All the tender care and steadfast joy

that he gave to those he loved throughout his own life.

It's important to remember, young man, that we carry those

who pass in our hearts forever. Your dad was a good man.

We'll remember him that way, always.

* *

- Oh, my God! My--

[sighs]

Don't--don't you people have houses of your own?

- Just dropping off his ashes. - How did you get in?

- With a key.

- I changed the locks, like, yesterday.

- Yeah, all good. Renee gave us all the new ones.

[quirky music]

* *

- Wait, Amy.

Amy--Amy can you tell me about your dad?

- Okay, sure.

He woke up one morning, realized he was gay,

and then ditched my mom to run off with a fat barman.

* *

That work?

- I don't know that I'm gonna start there.

- Let's just focus on scattering the ashes.

He wanted to be in the water.

- How about you just write down some bullet points

and you leave them in the kitchen, please?

- People liked him. - Anything else?

- He liked fishing and cricket.

- Oh, good, well, it's gonna be short at least.

- I'm sorry. I haven't prepared an essay,

but maybe when your dad dies, you'll understand.

- Well, I was 12 and a little more preoccupied

with baseball cards, but I get your point.

Amy, your dad wasn't perfect. I get it.

[soft dramatic music]

But believe me, there are truly bad fathers out there,

and if he wasn't one of 'em, then you should do it right.

* *

You wanna leave those in the kitchen?

I'll find somewhere safe in the church to keep 'em.

- Yeah.

* *

- [screams] [donkey braying]

Oh, no.

- Well, now we're screwed.

- Yeah, no kidding.

I'm about to give my first funeral

in front of an entire grieving town,

and I've just spilled the ashes of the deceased

on some wooden steps because of a donkey.

and I have nothing to say about the guy,

except for the fact that his name was Victor

and he liked cricket.

So please tell me that you got something to add to that.

- He was Lithuanian. - That is good.

I can use that. Please more, more.

- He--he supported the Indian team.

- Good, yeah.

Good, still cricket, just even more specific.

Hey, why India?

What do you think?

We could--uh, we can burn some of the palm branches?

- No, no, human ashes are very different.

We're animals. We have bones.

- Animals have bones, huh?

- You did go to school right, Rev?

* *

- I got an idea. Come on.

[upbeat music]

I don't know, kiwi, ham, and broccoli.

- Ugh.

- Got a little salty, little sweet.

- No way.

[knocks]

Hello?

* *

- Yeah. Okay.

* *

- Hey.

- Hey. Hey, Rev.

- Hey, buddy.

So, listen, Daisy and I were thinking

that maybe you would like to give Guinness

a proper sendoff. What do you think?

- You think you can get a couple people to come along?

- Cam, I think I can get the whole town there.

How's that?

- Yeah, that'd be really great. - Also, I'm just curious.

Do you know anything about cricket?

- Like crickets? Yeah.

Yeah, they're orthopteran insects

with six legs or maybe eight.

- Never mind. - Oh.

* *

- Hello. [knocks]

Anybody home?

Ah, hi. You must be Tropical Tess.

- Yeah. - You still doing pizzas?

- No. - Ah, it didn't catch on, huh?

- No.

- Ah, I mean, you were probably just

ahead of your time with

the lychee cheese beetroot explosion.

- Cream of the cheese offsets the sweetness of the lychee.

- And then-- then you got the beetroot.

- Exactly.

- Does your oven still work?

- Yeah. - You just got the one or?

- Six ovens.

- Okay. Tess, I'm gonna level with you.

This is gonna be an unusual request.

- My condolences.

Vic would've been thrilled to see you here.

Don't forget we're back open Sundays.

Open Sunday mornings again.

Expect to see you both here and you two.

10:00 a.m. Sundays. We don't just do funerals.

- [sighs] Oh, jeez.

* *

- Hey.

- Uh, look, if you're gonna arrest me

for some sort of traffic violation,

can it wait, like, an hour? I've got a--a thing for Victor.

- I got you a temporary driving permit.

- Really?

- Slow down, stay left, and watch out for wildlife.

- Yeah, can do. Um, thanks.

- So where are the ashes? - Huh?

- The ashes, they can't find them in the church.

- I mean, right.

They--they--they wouldn't. I mean, they're on the way.

- From where, Chicago?

- No, I--It's-- it's kind of a thing.

Traditionally, the ashes are the last to arrive.

It's the entrance of the deceased.

- So you're all set?

- No. Mm-mm.

I am about to send a guy off to heaven,

and I got more questions than answers about him.

- Like what?

- Well, I know that he's a--

was--he was a Eastern European immigrant

who lived in Australia,

but everybody keeps talking about how he rooted

for the Indian cricket team. - [chuckles]

- Care to shed any light on that?

- Yeah, yeah, I can.

- Come on, man.

- Hey, Rev, everyone's waiting. It's gotta start.

- Yeah, okay.

Come on, Cam.

[discordant organ music]

* *

- Oh, thank God.

- Grab a seat folks.

And so it has come to pass that Victor Petris

is entrusted into your greater care, oh, Lord,

that which we cannot imagine here on Earth.

Victor was...

Sorry.

Does this seem weird to anybody else?

[upbeat music]

I mean the--the-- this outfit,

the book, the--the building, it--I mean,

we're here to celebrate a guy that hadn't set foot

in this place in, I don't know, was it years?

* *

All right, everybody, on your feet.

* *

Yeah, up. Let's go.

* *

Follow me.

- * Coming up on only *

* To hold you under *

- Now, come on everybody. This way.

[Band of Horses' "The Funeral"]

- * And coming up only *

- You think Vic will mind, Rev? - Not at all pal.

* *

- * And to know you is hard *

* We wonder *

* *

* Ooh, ooh *

* *

- I didn't know, Victor. I know that he didn't say much.

He was a bit too busy

being thoroughly absorbed in fishing and cricket,

the two slowest and most uneventful sports

in the history of the world.

I mean, at least with fishing,

you get something to eat, right?

Cricket, I am reliably informed,

features five-day games

that routinely don't even have a winner.

Victor rooted for the Indian cricket team.

A group of people competing in a sport

that he had never played for a country

that he had never even been near.

But Victor rooted for India because he knew

that when Australia won,

a few million people were happy for an afternoon at a barbecue.

But when India won, man, a billion people

would party in the streets for a week.

When India won global happiness just shot through the roof.

He never been to India. He'd never met her people.

But somehow from--from across oceans,

he felt the power of their collective joy.

Now I am not gonna stand here

and pretend that I am into cricket

or that I'm really into fishing for that matter.

[people cheering]

But Victor loved all of you,

even when you weren't looking.

* *

And I can get into that.

* *

- * I'm coming up only *

* To show you're down for *

* *

* And coming up only to show *

- Nice touch.

* *

- * To the outside *

* The dead leaves lay on the lawn *

* *

* For they don't have trees *

- [whispers] You get to be a fish.

* *

- * Ooh *

* *

* At every occasion *

* I'll be ready for the funeral *

* *

- You must be hungry. - Thank you.

He would've loved that.

* *

I'll be right back.

* *

- * At every occasion *

* I'll be ready for the funeral *

* *

* At every occasion *

* One billion day funeral *

* *

- Oi, you lot, who wants a drink?

[all cheer]

- This one is on Victor.

[all cheer]

- That was beautiful.

* *

- See you, Guinness.

- What's up with the bathroom being locked again?

- Because there's someone in there.

- Who?

- At least is getting them to church, kind of.

- Yeah. - I've got something for you.

- Really hope it's not whatever is on this toast.

- At least look at the pictures.

[quirky music]

- Thanks.

- I'm only in this for the cash, bozo.

* *

I'm gonna turn in early.

- Night, kid.

- Night Rev. You did all right today.

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- I guess it's gonna be a while until we talk then, eh, Dad?

Maybe I can tell you some stuff anyway.

* *

- He's in Australia.

- What are you waiting for? - Yeah.

[dramatic music]

* *