Original subtitles

Previously on Young Sheldon...

(chuckles) Well, I will watch this and let you know.

She was totally hitting on you.

All she did was rent a movie.

Yeah, and then she laughed and she touched your arm.

That's textbook flirting. I wasn't trying to.

All I'm saying is you're not tied down.

I'm getting parenting advice from a woman

whose 17-year-old son got my daughter pregnant.

Grow up, call your daughter, and make it right.

Now.

Well, I need... I said now.

I was gonna say

I need the phone number.

Do you have a pen?

ADULT SHELDON: Every culture has its own traditions to celebrate

important life events:

bar mitzvahs,

quinceañeras,

baby's first Comic-Con.

My favorites are funeral and baby shower.

They're the only two thrown in your honor

you're not expected to attend.

(whispers): Love it.

Oh, and after we do gifts,

we could take pictures holding Mandy's belly.

(scoffs) No.

Okay.

Here's one.

We can fill baby bottles with juice

and see who can drink it the fastest.

Don't go drinking out of my bottle. Why?

'Cause it ain't gonna be juice.

When is this thing anyways?

Sunday.

Oh, shoot.

I got a date with Amber. I got to cancel.

You ain't invited.

But I'm the dad.

No boys allowed. Southern Living says so.

Who is Amber? A girl I'm seeing.

Does Mandy know?

Know what? Oh, nothing.

It was actually her idea.

What, Amber? Oh, yeah, I know.

She's divorced. What?

Don't worry, she ain't old.

It's just she got married too young.

Okay. Uh...

So, Mandy,

have you given any thought

to which friends or family you want to invite?

Well, given the circumstances,

I'm thinking maybe we keep it small.

'Cause your friends don't know about this?

They don't know about this. They don't know about that.

They don't know about any of it.

Can I invite your mom?

Um...

That's a no.

Well... (sighs) we would love to have her,

but it's totally up to you.

(sighs)

Fine.

Great.

Is it great?

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

Oh, I thought of another game we could play.

First, you melt chocolate in a diaper... Keep thinking.

We're coming up with games to play?

Because I have a good one: intelligent animal technology.

For example, if rhinoceroses

were intelligent, how would they type?

This is for Mandy's baby shower.

Oh. I don't want to go to that.

(chuckles) Thankfully, it's for ladies only.

Yeah, even if you're the father.

Why do you want to go?

Well, I'm gonna be at the birth, but I can't go to the party?

How do you know she wants you at the birth?

Who's gonna catch the baby?

GEORGE SR.: You may not want to be there.

It's a rough one.

George.

Oh, you're right, dear.

It's a beautiful event which I will never forget.

Wait, you said it was beautiful

and then made a face to imply that it wasn't.

So, which is it?

Oh, my God, Sheldon, it's disgusting.

He could've just said that.

Pretty good game Sunday,

if you want to watch with me instead. All right.

You should invite Mandy's dad and brother to join you.

It might be awkward. Don't really know them.

That's how you get to know them.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, I don't have to watch football, do I?

No. Please don't.

Sweet.

Hi, Jim.

Hey, Mary. Good to see you.

You looking for some tires?

Actually, I'm looking for your wife.

Oh.

You're not gonna yell at her again, are you?

No, no.

Okay, you sure about that?

'Cause I wouldn't mind seeing it.

(sighs) I just wanted to drop off an invitation

to Mandy's baby shower.

Oh. Well, that's-that's real kind of you.

And George is hoping that you'll come over

and watch the game with him and Georgie.

Huh. Well, that sounds like fun.

And your son is welcome, too.

All right, well, you know, Connor ain't all that much

into football or baseball. (chuckles)

Or, shoot, anything with a ball, really.

Well, if you do come,

I know that George is making brisket.

(slaps counter) Brisket and football? (chuckles)

Well, you drive a hard bargain. (chuckling)

Hello, Mary.

Hi.

All right, well, I'm gonna go help, uh...

somebody.

I want to apologize

for getting off on the wrong foot last time.

Oh. You mean when you called me a terrible mother?

The important thing is you and Mandy are talking again.

Mm-hmm.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop off

this invitation to her, uh, baby shower.

Thank you for including me.

Of course.

(sighs)

You'd think her own mother would know

she was having a girl.

Well, Georgie wants it to be a surprise,

so she's barely told anyone.

She told you.

Barely.

Um...

you know what'd be great is

if you could come and help us plan it.

I'd like that. Thank you very much.

Then it's settled.

All right, please, uh, say goodbye to your husband.

Well, you can tell him yourself.

He's hiding behind that stack of tires.

Bye. (chuckles)

(knock on door) It's open.

Hello. (groans)

I was wondering

if I could have access to the lab on Sunday.

I'm not here on Sunday. Where will you be?

If I tell you that, you might go there.

Well, I told you where I'll be: the lab.

How about this? Here's the key. Go nuts.

But I'm a minor. I require adult supervision.

I won't tell anyone.

I will. I'm quite the tattler.

Then you'll have to wait till Monday.

But I'm trying to get out of the house on Sunday.

Why? The father and the brother of the woman

my brother impregnated are coming over to watch sports

with my brother and my father.

So you're trying to avoid a male bonding experience?

At all cost.

You know, son, as scientists,

we're often teamed with people that we don't know.

The ability to bond and build relationships,

that's-that's an essential skill.

So you're suggesting I use this gathering

as an opportunity to better those skills?

Exactly.

Very well. I'll give it a go.

Great. Would you like to join us?

I can't. Why? Where will you be?

So, I was thinking we could do something sweet and simple,

like a garden party.

Oh, that sounds good.

I know Mandy doesn't like to make a big fuss.

Since when?

That girl has always wanted to be the center of attention.

Oh, well, I guess you would know. (chuckles)

And garden party sounds lovely,

but maybe we could do something a little more fun.

Like princess

or "around the world"-- you know, all the places

she was gonna go, but now she can't

'cause she ruined her life.

I like princess.

Oh, great. I know this wonderful bakery

that makes a cake that looks just like a fairy-tale castle.

I was gonna make my German chocolate cake.

She's having a girl, not starting World War II.

Castle cake it is.

Yay.

Hello.

Ugh, nerd movies are over there.

No, I need to bond with Mandy's father and brother,

so I'm looking for movies they might've seen,

so that we can engage in some testosterone-rich banter.

Okay, I can help you.

A lot of dudes have been renting this.

"Bingo.

He's every family's best friend."

Are you tricking me?

No.

Glad I asked. Ring me up.

That was fun. Thanks.

That was fun. Thanks.

(chuckles) Are we still on for Sunday?

(sighs) Sorry, can't. Mandy's having a baby shower.

You're going to that?

No, but I promised I'd hang out with her dad and brother, so...

Is it weird to talk about this stuff?

Would it be weird if I talked about my ex-husband?

Depends. What would you say?

(sighs) I don't know.

Maybe that he's six-four, weighs about 240 pounds,

got a short fuse.

Yeah, I don't want to hear that.

Well, I'm fine if you want to talk about your situation.

Oh, great, 'cause I need some advice.

So, should I get Mandy a present?

You mean, like a baby gift?

Or for her. You know, like, "Thanks for making the effort"?

(scoffs) I don't think I would engrave that on anything,

but... could be sweet.

Cool.

You were just playing about your ex being that big, right?

But the divorce was a mutual thing? He wanted it, too?

He ain't in there, is he? (laughs)

Hey.

I hate that woman.

Your mother? Eh, she ain't gonna live forever.

Mandy's mom.

Oh. Yeah, that one we're stuck with for a while.

I extended an olive branch

to make her feel part of the baby shower,

and then she just took over the whole dang thing.

All right, I'll run her over with my truck.

I'm not ready to laugh yet, George.

When you are ready to laugh,

I have got the movie for you.

Bingo. It's for men,

but I think you'll get it.

(barking)

Anybody home?

Hey.

What's with all the pink?

Uh, it's 'cause...

it's my party, and I'm a girl.

Makes sense.

So, uh, what are you doing here?

You know you're not invited to the shower, right?

I know. It's just, everybody's bringing presents

for the baby today, so I wanted to bring one for you.

Georgie, thank you.

Open it.

Okay.

Sorry for the Christmas paper. That's all we had.

It's beautiful.

Look inside.

What am I looking at here?

It's the sonogram of our little girl.

I'm not an idiot. (chuckles)

(sighs)

That is the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

I-I... I love it.

Good. It was actually Amber's idea.

Oh.

Well, that's very thoughtful. Thank you.

And thank her.

I will.

All right, well, I'll let you get back

to your party. Okay.

You look great, by the way.

(sighs)

(door closes)

(knock on door)

Hey, Jim.

Good to see you again. Hey, come on in.

Yeah. Thanks for having us. This here is Connor.

Hey, Connor. Good to see you. Hey.

Good to see you again, Mr. McAllister.

Georgie.

Oh, you got some paint on you.

Been doing some work around the house?

(stifled chuckle) No.

I'm a painter.

Yeah, yeah, he's always in his room

painting stuff, until you ask him to paint the garage.

(both laugh)

You're hilarious.

All right, sorry. Uh... (clears throat)

He's an artist. Cool.

Like, the, uh... the guy on TV that paints the clouds.

Uh, my stuff is a little more, uh, abstract.

Oh, sure.

That means it doesn't look like stuff.

(chuckles) I hope you're a starving artist

'cause I got a brisket

on the smoker out there with your name on it.

Connor, uh, is also, uh,

a-a vegetarian.

(stammers) No problem.

We got beans. That's a vegetable.

Right? (chuckles) Come on.

This cake is amazing.

To look at, sure.

I prefer cakes for eating.

What's your problem?

What's your problem?

So, Audrey, is this your first grandkid?

Yep.

You must be excited.

Sure.

Can't say I'm thrilled with the circumstances, but...

Amanda's always done things her way.

I have a lot of grandkids.

At some point, you just stop caring how they got here.

I'm gonna get some punch. It's nonalcoholic.

Oh.

You coming down?

In a sec.

You're not missing much. It's real awkward down there.

(chuckles)

Something wrong?

No.

Is it your mom?

'Cause something's definitely wrong with mine.

No, she's fine.

Well, she's a nightmare, but, uh, that's not it.

Pretty.

Yeah, Georgie got it for me.

There's a sonogram of our baby inside.

Good for Georgie.

Yeah.

Good for Georgie.

I got to tell you,

I think the Cowboys are gonna take it all the way this year.

Not really into football.

Seriously?

That's cool. You like cars?

Not really.

Music?

Yeah.

Great. Who do you like?

The Smiths.

I don't know them.

Guns N' Roses?

(scoffs) Corporate rock sellouts.

Yeah, well, sellouts who kick ass, so...

Hello.

Sheldon, this is Mandy's brother, Connor.

Are you watching the game? Because I heard the Cowboys are

going to go all the way this year.

It's okay. He don't watch football either.

Great. I learned who Troy Aikman is for nothing.

GEORGE SR.: So, Connor seems like a good kid.

Oh, yeah, yeah, he's a good kid.

From another planet.

Oh, I got one of those.

Georgie's little brother.

Is he a 22-year-old art school graduate

with no prospects of ever holding down a real job?

(chuckles) Actually, he's a science genius

who started college when he was 11.

Let's just talk about the brisket. Mm.

All right, Missy, you're first.

How much do you think the baby's gonna weigh?

Uh, I'm gonna say...

Hmm.

18 pounds.

(laughs) Ooh, ouch.

Too much? Too much.

But then again, Georgie was a big'un.

How big?

Almost ten pounds.

Ten pounds?

She walked like a cowboy for months.

(laughs)

Both my children were normal weight.

Well, good job.

MEEMAW: My turn.

Mm-kay, the belly button's still got a little give.

So, I'm gonna say...

a quick and easy six pounds, two ounces

gonna slide right out of there.

(chuckling) (sighs) I love you.

So, Connor, what was your sister like as a kid?

Um... we really didn't get along.

Mm. Yeah, she was older

and loved picking on me.

The same thing with me and Georgie.

Once, she replaced my toothpaste with a tube of hemorrhoid cream.

(laughs)

Remember when I used to sit on your head

when you'd watch Star Trek?

I do.

Guess what I did when they'd fire their phasers.

You don't need to say it.

I farted.

(George Jr. laughs)

Hilarious.

MANDY: Okay.

(gasps) Oh, a nursing bra.

"Includes removable pads to prevent leakage."

Wow.

Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.

Mine dripped like a faucet.

Wait, I have a question. Please ask it later.

All right, next present.

Okay.

That one's from me.

(whispers): What leaks? The boob? Later.

(chuckles) What's this?

We set up a nursery in the guest room.

You can move back in.

Can we not talk about this now?

What's the problem? You're gonna need help.

Who do you think's been helping her this whole time?

And I appreciate it, but you're not her family.

We're that baby's family.

Georgie's right across the street.

Oh, yes, I'm sure a teenage boy is gonna be a lot of help.

(laughs)

You don't know what you're talking about.

Georgie has been there for me the whole time,

and you come in at the last minute

with a store-bought castle cake,

and-and you think that's gonna make up for everything?

Okay, I can see you're a little emotional.

Yeah, I am a little emotional right now,

and you being here isn't helping.

You do not get to bad-mouth Georgie.

He's gonna be a better parent than you ever were.

Damn.

Now, if someone would help me up, I would like to storm out.

Thank you.

So, who wants cake?

MAN: Bingo, it's a subpoena.

How's a dog supposed to read a subpoena?

Look how gritty this is.

Frank Miller really brought a whole new aesthetic

to comic books.

Hmm. I've never really thought of it that way.

ADULT SHELDON: I was doing it. I was bonding.

Now, would you please put it back in the bag?

Oh. Sure.

ADULT SHELDON: And I was great at it.

(laughs) 14 hours of smoke and love.

Trying not to drool.

Jim, Connor, we're leaving!

All right, hon, but the brisket... AUDREY: Now!

I'll make you a doggy bag.

AUDREY: Jim.

Poor bastard.

(sighs)

Hey.

I didn't know you were here.

Just checking out the loot.

This is amazing. Why don't all bras do this?

Take that off.

Well, that's what's great: you don't have to.

Look at this.

The father of my child.

Ooh, nipple cream.

Maybe I should've went to this party.

Sounds fun.

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