Original subtitles

♪

♪

We are getting there!

Hey, Gena! How's it goin' over there?

-I'm a little light-headed! -Well, keep it up!

You're needed in the food truck ASAP!

Cool.

There no room in the budget for a balloon pump?

Did your mom just put together the greatest fun fair

in the history of St. Celine's?

-Yeah. -Yeah, she did!

KATE: Holy shit!

This is the fun fair you were supposed to help with?

This is the fair I did help with, if anybody asks.

How fun is this, guys?

Look, I know, I like it back here too,

but the WiFi is off now, and we're at the fun fair.

So let's have some, shall we?

NATHAN: Oh, hey, there's Lionel.

Hey, Lionel!

Great. That means Anne's here too.

What are you gonna say to her?

You know what? I'm a grown-up.

I'm gonna say my piece, she'll say hers.

We'll both be fine.

That's very mature of you.

It's... pretty sexy.

I'm a sexy mature lady!

LIONEL: Well, if it isn't the beautiful Foster family

here at the fun fair!

Lionel, how are you? Where's Anne?

LIONEL: Uh...

Yeah, she's actually at home.

Ironing.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I'm sorry, what?

We both know you do the ironing, Lionel!

She's avoiding me, isn't she?

Well, I came here as an adult,

mature, sophisticated, bat mitzvahed.

But Anne clearly wants to be a baby.

Well, boo-hoo, wah-wah-wah, big baby want to stay home,

pretend to iron in her little play castle!

Oh, big baby wants to take a nap?

-I don't know what's-- what...

Did you make sure that she had a clean little baby vagina

before you put on her diaper?

-Did you clean her tushie? -Kate!

-Sorry, but she's being ridiculous.

If she's a baby, that makes you the babysitter.

Remember that.

What's your hourly rate, you little bitch?

Okay.

[marching band music]

Welcome, one and all,

to the St. Celine's spring fun fair!

[applause]

HEADMASTER: First off, don't forget to sign up

for the grand finale,

the Mummies vs Daddies three-legged foot race.

Winner gets one year free tuition!

-What? -[crowd gasps]

I'm... I'm kidding, of course!

That would never happen. But please sign up.

Oh, and um, an enormous thank you

to parents Kate Foster and Jenny Matthews

for their gruelling work putting this day together.

[applause]

Well, Kate didn't do shit!

-Well, I found the sponsor, didn't I?

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank

our generous sponsor, Wynston Publishing.

PAUL: Hey...

Be sure to stop by the Wynston booth

to get your very own...

book worm hat!

NATHAN JR: Did she just put a penis on her head?

NATHAN: Yep.

CHILD: Mommy, I want one of those!

Let the fun begin!

♪

Hey-hey! Look who it is!

-Hey! -Oh, boy.

Now, these... these are supposed to be...?

These are book worms.

Uh-huh. You know they sorta...

Look like penises?

Why do you think I was so eager to get rid of 'em?

Would you like a hat, Ella?

Uh, don't you dare put that on my child's head!

Also, thank you for your patronage.

-Of course. -[phone buzzing]

Oh!

Oh, shit. Uh...

Stay with Auntie Sloane, okay?

-You got her for a sec? -Yeah.

SLOANE: Hey, how about...

KATE: Did I not ask for a day off?

I'm sorry, but I knew letting this go on any longer

would make you even more mad.

Go on...

-So, remember that woman from Salubra, Janine McNulty,

-tried to poach us? -Uh-huh.

-How would you feel about us reaching out to her?

Not great!

Because we kinda already did.

Without consulting me?!

The team wasn't exactly thrilled to hear you dropped Fronterra

so suddenly, for no reason.

I... I have my reasons.

She doesn't get to be mad at us! We're mad at her!

Shh! Anyway...

[clears throat] We left Janine a message,

so I just wanted to let you know before she calls us back.

Don't you dare commit to anything else

without my sign-off, okay? And also, leave me alone.

It's the fun fair! I intend on having fun.

♪

♪

Here you go.

Hey!

You think we could get a fan in here?

Well, you got a fan right here!

Look at you go!

Not in the mood. I feel like I'm dying.

Well, you can't die. You're too important!

Anyway, I will put a fan on the list.

Please don't forget to introduce me to the headmaster today.

Okay? Remember, "This is Gena,

"the mom doing all the free labour

"in hopes of her son attending your school"?

I-I'll even make her a special hot dog!

-Of course! It's top of my list.

After the fan. Before the fan...

You know what, never mind, I will do both.

KATE: Jenny! You texted "911"?

JENNY: Oh!

People need me, see?

Keep up the great work.

Wipe that forehead.

I... But...

Hi!

-KATE: Hi. -Hey!

Uh, so, I signed you up for the three-legged race,

and I don't want to hear a word about it, since--

I didn't do anything, I know.

But, look, you didn't need me!

I mean, you should throw more events!

Well, I would, but you fired me.

That wasn't your job at Kate Foster PR--

You know what? It doesn't matter.

Listen, I was gonna talk to Charlie about

whatever's going on between him and Zoe.

That would be great.

I mean, Zoe's just been such a sweetie-pie, perfect gem.

I mean, she's really just trying her best with him.

-JENNY: [chuckles] -KATE: So cute.

[chuckles] Okay, I will see you at the race.

-Alright!

Uh, why is Charlie holding your bag?

-My assistants take turns carrying it.

-Um, okay, Anna Wintour, get it!

♪

♪

Hey, not really giving off fun fair energy,

are ya, big guy?

Really? 'Cause I'm having the time of my life.

Oh boy, okay.

You're still mad, I get it.

-Do you get it, though?

I took your advice and it destroyed my relationship.

[sighs]

-Now Julian's posting all over social media

him with just random guys, so that's great.

Okay, first of all, unfollow him.

Hot tip, thanks.

I, uh...

I'm really sorry.

But honestly, screw Julian.

Listen to me.

You've got this heart that is so big,

and it's gonna scare some people.

But those are not the people for you.

There are plenty of gay fish in the sea.

I checked.

But if you're too busy mopin' around and starin' at your ex,

those fish are gonna swim right past you.

How's about we go get you a hot dog

and you learn how to eat your feelings like an adult?

Throw in some ice cream...?

Come on!

♪

MAYA: Hey! You guys want a family photo?

A family photo...? Yeah, I'd say we do!

We don't even have one of those yet!

-[chuckles] -Um...

Okay, what should we be? Pirates?

Look, we could be a family a' pirates!

PAUL: No, no pirates? Okay, okay.

Uh-- Ohhh!

Astronauts! We could be an astronaut family!

Uh...

There's a carrot family in there somewhere too.

PAUL: Are you serious?

Gosh, there's so many families to choose from!

We could be a-- I dunno, carrot family, I guess?

Is this the carrot? No, this is the pumpkin deal.

-Rock star? -Could you....

Could you hold Owen for a second?

I-I think my phone is ringing.

Uh, just...

uh, one minute.

Hello...?

♪

They said it was easy...

-You know what to do. -Yeah, yeah.

-Hey, Lionel. -Oh...

Uh, hey, guys.

Oh, okay. I, um...

I-I want to apologize about my outburst earlier.

All the baby talk... [chuckles]

That was unwarranted.

I get it. Uh, my wonderful wife can...

really push people's buttons.

Well...

She can be so headstrong, it's impossible.

[sighs] But it's also kind of what makes her great, you know?

Although she is really putting me through the ringer.

I bet.

Of course, you can relate to the whirlwind that is Anne!

This one time I bought these pleated khakis

and she called me Katharine Hepburn for a month.

What the fuck?

LIONEL: Okay...?

-So, is it true you guys got a spider?

Yeah.

-You wanna see a pic of her? -I do!

Oh, so check this out.

[laughs] Holy shit, how many legs is that?

It's eight, yeah.

Alright.

What's going on?

Is there somewhere we can talk privately?

Privately?

♪

Salubra wants to hire us.

Salubra Pharmaceuticals made an offer?

-Oh, a huge one.

Really?

MO: They're not just looking for help on some new pill.

They want a full company acquisition.

-They want us to be their in-house PR department.

Offer expires in 24 hours.

There's nothing but grown-ups in here!

Oh, gross! Wait your turn!

Ugh.

Jesus Christ.

Huh.

♪

PAUL: "Pa, pa," come on.

Pa...

Pa, pa. Pa...

What are you doing?

Uh, what's it look like I'm doing?

It looks like you're teaching Owen to say "Papa,"

which is confusing.

I was teaching him how to say my name, which is "Paul."

Pa... Paul!

PAUL: What is going on with you today?

First you ghost me at the photo booth and now this?

And what would be so wrong with me teaching him

to call me "Papa"? I take care of him like a papa.

I live with him, like a papa.

What are you so afraid of?

Here. You take him.

He just pooed, by the way.

♪

♪

KATE: Okay, if we let Salubra absorb us...

that means Kate Foster PR...

-Disappears completely.

The brand, the logo, the client base...

Every relationship.

MO: We give it all up.

But in exchange, we reach the mountaintop.

What does that look like?

RICHARD: Huge pay bumps, company stock...

-Unlimited paid vacation!

I could go to Christina Miller's bachelorette!

If I hear about this bachelorette one more time--

Oh, never having to go out and solicit work again.

The business comes to us.

Well, there is that, right?

No more pressure to hit quotas, to keep the lights on.

The part of the job I hate!

And we still get to be us.

McNulty said she wants to bring our scrappy energy

and apply it to...

more pills.

MO: I'd go work for her myself, but she's very clear,

it's the four of us or none of us.

And you all want this?

With every bone in my body.

MO: I mean, I do.

Sure do.

Okay, this is too much pressure.

I'm sorry, guys. Not right now.

Generational wealth, Katie! Think about it!

KATE: I just need a second!

We really should give the kids out here a chance.

♪

GENA: [sighs]

The food truck is taking a 15-minute break.

Feels like now is a good time, make that headmaster intro?

Right! No problem.

Okay... follow me. Where is that woman?

Zoe...?

Why is she by herself?

GENA: Um, hello?

Just gimme a second! Christ!

Hey, baby girl, are you okay?

What happened to your assistant?

He quit.

HEADMASTER: Jenny Matthews...?

Is that St. Celine's most esteemed event planner?

Depends who's asking!

I'm kidding! Yes, it's... me.

I want to introduce you to Leora Tobias.

Maybe you've heard of Tobias Events?

She has been absolutely badgering me

to meet the mom who put this together.

'Tis I!

LEORA: This thing is adorable.

You did this all on your own?

Fully, completely.

-So, do you do freelance, or...

Um, for now, I do. Yes.

-We've been trying to find someone

more versed in the kids and family space.

Feels like you'd be a great fit,

if that's something you're interested in!

Holy shi-- Yes.

Yes, I could be very much interested

in something like that. Um--

LEORA: Let me just get your information, here.

LEORA: Thank you.

HEADMASTER: Thank you!

There you go!

LEORA: Perfect! Enjoy your day.

Thank you.

LEORA: Nice to meet you.

You too!

♪

[cicadas buzzing]

Um...

I'm afraid of old elevators and getting sick.

Looking like a fraud.

I'm afraid of a lot of things, but not you.

You're wonderful.

Okay?

Just hearing you say "family" a hundred times, it just...

unlocked something in me.

So, this is...

about your mother.

Probably.

My whole family fell apart after she died.

And now here comes along another family.

And it feels like it might be a good one.

So I guess that's what I'm afraid of...

Wonderful things being taken from me.

So I hope that answers your question.

I forget what I asked.

If you just bear with me...

I plan to.

Why?

'Cause you're hot.

[laughs]

-And you're rich. -[laughs]

And you're amazing.

But this guy's not so patient.

Earlier today he was calling me "Father Dearest."

I begged him to stop.

"No, Father, no!"

♪

Can you take the penis hat off first?

Jenny!

Racer reporting for duty. Let's do this!

Who are you sticking me with?

Oh, you're not racing.

What? I thought...

I thought I had to participate.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

♪

Yup.

I deserve this, okay.

JENNY: The rules are simple.

The first team to smash the button and send Kate

into the freezing dirty water...

Hello, hi!

...wins!

Couldn't have warmed the water up a hair, huh?

Feels a little bit like you filled it with ice cubes!

Can't thank you enough!

[quietly] Alright, you bitch.

Hey, Gena Morris!

Please abandon your sweaty little truck

and report to the starting line.

I have someone I want you to connect with!

-Headmaster? -My ankle!

Let's go, race partner!

You're a champ, babe!

-I know she's your wife and everything, but, uh...

I came here to win.

So, we cross that finish line, she gets dunked, hard.

-I'd expect nothing less!

-[phone buzzing] -Oh.

[sighs]

Well, look who decided to answer my texts!

Did baby learn to use a cell phone?

How's the ironing going?

Fine.

What, you're... you're really ironing?

ANNE: Yeah.

No, okay. Uh, cool.

Just so you know, I'm about to be revenge dunked.

Could have really used my three-legged race partner,

thank you very much!

I don't know what any of that means.

I didn't come to the fun fair because I needed a breather,

and I didn't want to get in an argument

in front of our children and their teachers.

Then don't!

I don't know why this has to happen

every time we have a disagreement!

Recklessly pushing pills on people isn't a "disagreement"!

And have you thought about what future clients are gonna think?

I dunno!

I mean, Salubra Pharmacy was pretty interested!

What are you talking about?

They want to hire us, in house.

And pay us a boatload for it too!

Like, dissolve KFPR?

Well, that's not happening.

Yeah, we're-- we're weighing it out.

-ANNE: Excuse me? -Well--

ROSIE: [sighs and clears throat]

It's late. Any thoughts?

Oh, great. You guys too?

Look, there is a time and place for both of these conversations,

and this dunk tank ain't it!

Are those your co-workers?

Don't tell me they're at the fun fair!

KATE: Yeah, that's right!

They're here, you're not. It's the upside down.

We gotta figure out what we're gonna tell them.

Tell who what?

Please be quiet.

How about "suck it"?

How about you stay out of it?

My business is none of your business!

And, guys, can you not see that I'm moments from being plunged

into hose water?

I can't think about this right now!

We're not leaving until we get an answer.

Fine, you wanna stick around?

Blend in, join the race!

RICHARD: Pfft! Not me.

I think I slipped a disc in that bouncy castle thingy.

-Fine.

But if we win, we're going to Salubra.

-There you go. -Yeah, mm-hm.

No, I didn't say that--

HEADMASTER: Racers, assume your positions!

♪

♪

Well, now they're comin' for me. You happy now?

On your marks...

Get set...

Go!

-[crowd cheering] -Oh!

Oh Jesus, here they come. Alright.

You put your whole life into that company

and now you're just gonna throw it away?

I'm not throwing it away, Anne! I'm levelling up!

Uh, more like selling out!

Out foot, in foot, out foot, in foot!

-Oh, shut-the-fuck-up foot!

-BOTH: One, two, one... -NATHAN: Woo!

We're actually pretty good at this!

-Ooh, yeah, brother!

Why do you get a say in this, anyway?

Because I don't want to spend the next decade

listening to you gripe about big pharma.

No way, no thank you!

And what about Ram?

Uh, well, uh... Ram turned out to be bad news,

so I cut ties with him after he kissed me.

He kissed you? What?

Well, you sure as fuck left that part out!

We're ahead! We're winning!

-We're good! -We're winning!

What? No, let's go!

-No, I pulled something! -Hustle!

-I pulled something! God, I pulled something!

-Don't be a bitch! -Aah, no, Rosie!

You're not even trying! What is your problem?

My problem is I said I'd help for an intro!

Instead, you told the headmaster you did everything!

I even watched you get a job! You're the worst, Jenny!

You've always been the worst!

LIONEL: Ooh, teamwork, brother!

I think we're gonna win this!

-Oh my God, we're gonna win! We're gonna win!

I didn't tell you about Ram

because I knew you'd react like this!

Honestly, I don't give a shit about the Ram thing.

You say yes to this, and everything you wanted

your career to be is dead in the water.

Dead in the water? I'm nowhere near the water!

-[loud smash] -[Lionel and Nathan screaming]

Hello?

What the fuck? Kate!

[people cheering]

You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.

I found it!

Anne?

Anne, are you--

[Lionel and Nathan screaming]

Yes, yes!

-[both laughing] -Oh!

♪

[shutter snapping]

♪

♪

Hey, sweetheart, let's go home.

Come on.

Come on, honey.

Okay. Okay.

♪

[breathes air]

Nothing. Fuck.

[phone buzzing]

What the... fuck?

Hello?

ANNE: Who won?

Our husbands.

Mm, first time for everything.

Look, I'm sorry, dude. I don't wanna fight.

It's just sad, that's all.

Then why?

Because I've had like a front-row seat

to your ambition for, like, 20 years.

Exactly.

I have spent my career trying to get somewhere.

And if I do this...

I think I'm there.

ANNE: You're right about one thing.

Your business is none of my business,

and as your friend,

I have your back no matter what.

I just want to make sure you're sure.

♪

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