Original subtitles

- Oh my God, this is such a surprise.

A promotion?

So unexpected.

I had no idea this was coming.

I did work so hard.

Thank you.

Me?

I would love a corner office.

I accept.

Thank you so much.

I never saw this coming.

To my promotion.

Babe, did you get up early to wish me good luck?

- Wish you luck? For?

- The promotion.

- Oh right, the promotion.

- Junior executive event planner.

It's gonna be me, right?

- Oh, totally. It's yours.

- Oh, God.

I feel like Molly Ringwald

at the end of every movie.

I'm like, all my dreams are coming true.

- You're such a geek for those movies, aren't you?

- I know, I know.

And they're super problematic,

but I can't help it.

I love them and I love you.

Okay, bye.

- Wait, babe,

can you help me stretch this canvas real quick, please?

- Oh, look, I would love to,

but I like, I can't be late again.

- Oh, come on.

No, it'll take like five minutes.

I'm feeling inspired.

You know what happens if you start painting

when inspiration hits.

Come on. - I know, I know.

And I don't wanna like

stifle your genius or anything.

But I- - I need you.

Come on.

It'll be quick.

- I mean, it's so unfair.

I know that being late is a no-no,

but you're really gonna fire me over it?

- Well, did they fire you for being late

or did they fire you because you like-

- For talking back to my boss.

I know.

But I was just so like overheated and emotional,

and I was just like really, really, really upset.

I mean, that was my job.

You know, I was late because of you.

- We're all grownups here.

You gotta be responsible for your own decisions.

- God, I know, okay?

This is just the worst day of my life.

- Well, at least one of us had a good day.

I just heard back from the gallery,

and they're gonna give me my own show.

- Oh my God.

Really?

Babe, that's amazing.

I'm, I'm so proud of you.

I always knew that you were gonna make it.

- I know.

That's why it makes it so hard

to tell you the other thing.

- What?

What other thing?

- I'm moving in with Sandra.

- The gallery owner?

Babe, it's sweet of you

to try to make me laugh, but...

Really?

Really?

♪ I couldn't help myself

- There should be a rule where you're not allowed

to lose your job and your boyfriend on the same day.

- There is.

It's called decency.

- Oh.

- You know, it was all working out fine

when he couldn't afford to pay rent.

But as soon as his career starts taking off-

- Are we surprised?

- Sofia!

Comfort me.

- I'm just saying, this is nothing new.

Your last three boyfriends-

- Four.

Todd.

- Oh, ew, Todd.

I forgot about Todd.

See? This is what you do.

You take strays in and you clean them up

and then change their litter.

- Oh, god. I need more alcohol.

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

The next time that I think that a guy is cute,

you're gonna step in,

you're gonna interfere,

and you're gonna say veto.

- I am a million steps ahead of you.

I already have a plan.

- "A Guide to Marrying Rich."

- It's super legit.

The author, Margaret Dumont,

she went from being a secretary

to marrying one of the richest men in the country.

- This book is ancient.

- Yeah, so is the Bible.

- Where did you find this thing?

- Some lame Tinder date.

This guy took me to a used bookstore.

Like, is that even a date?

Anyway, thankfully I found this book

and it was like, yes, universe, I hear you.

- Yeah.

You hear the call of the 1950s.

- 1967.

- How is this even a thing?

You don't need a man to have your dream life.

- Says the girl that screwed up her dream job for a dude.

Look, I'm not gonna be a bartender forever.

And I am super sick of living

with seven other wannabe models

in a two bedroom apartment.

Yes, we're all tiny,

so it's really only like living

with four people, but still.

And I'm not gonna get ahead.

Like my biggest paying gig was that JC Penney catalog,

and that's just sad.

- Well, it would be nice

if someone could pay my rent

because lord knows I can't afford it.

- So we sublet our apartments.

- No, I can't.

I need to find a job.

- How?

You work in a very competitive industry

and you just got fired.

No one's hiring you.

- Aren't you supposed to be making me feel better?

- We're going away for the summer!

- You can't take the summer off.

You're employed.

- Oh, right.

Hey, Cass.

Yeah.

I quit.

- What?

Sofia, what are you doing?

- I am betting on myself

just like the book says.

You're only 25 once.

And do you know what we are?

- 26.

- Yeah, we are behind.

We need to get off our asses

and take charge of our lives.

- What? By leaving New York?

- Oh God, no.

Oh no.

We're going to the Hamptons.

My aunt has a timeshare there.

We'll live there for the summer

and come back with rich husbands.

- Okay, wait.

You actually think that both of us

are gonna meet rich dudes

and get them to marry us before Labor Day?

- Well, according to Miss Dumont,

hell yes.

- Oh, she did leave a key. - Under a frog or something.

- Ah, there you go. - Should just leave a key

under a frog ornament like every other

old retired person. - I'm sure there's a key

somewhere inside.

Are you good? - Yes.

You good with these bags?

- I am. - Buddy, need a little help?

There you go.

- This is why we need rich boyfriends too,

because they will have people to carry things.

- You know, we're only here for the summer, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- So you should take the loft.

It sort of feels like you're sleeping in a tent up there

and I know you're into that sort of thing

and you know I'm not.

- Happily.

So, I hate to always be the practical one,

but first thing's first,

we're gonna find jobs, right?

- What for?

We have a free place to stay.

- Oh, I don't know, maybe food.

- Soon we'll have rich boyfriends

that'll pay for all our meals.

- How soon?

- This is it.

The place to be and be seen.

The Zane Hotel and Beach Club.

Everyone hangs out here.

- So why does that sign say for hotel guests only?

- Oh, it's to keep out the tourists.

- Oh, you mean us.

- No, they want hotties like us here.

- Uh-huh.

- Let's go down to the beach.

That's where they keep all the rich husbands.

- Should you take those stupid things off?

- Absolutely not.

According to the book,

a woman must always wear high heels.

Never wait for a man to put you on a pedestal.

Do it yourself and he'll get the idea.

Oh, shit.

- Are you okay?

- Oh, I'm fine.

I'm Sofia.

- Hi, Sofia.

I'm John. John Fuller.

- Oh, John, thanks for lending me your lap.

- Anytime.

- I just might take you up on that.

Of course, you'll have to buy me a drink first.

- Okay, let's get you going, all right?

- Darling.

- Yes, okay. You good?

You ready?

Yeah, great. Awesome, okay.

- Oh, thank you. - Take care of yourselves.

- Thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you so much.

- Thank you.

- Okay, let's go.

That was embarrassing.

- Embarrassing or strategic?

For your information,

I just met John Fuller, major trust fund,

and number 74 in Forbes list of Rich Under 30.

That's right, Mama did her homework.

- Hey, dummy.

What have you been doing all day?

You know what? Don't answer that.

All right, first the bathrooms.

The beach has been unattended.

What's going on?

Hello?

What is this?

- It's a towel.

- Wrong.

It's a dirty towel.

You know where I found it?

With the clean towels.

- Okay.

- No, it's not okay.

Let me break this down for you, dummy.

- Oh, my name's Doug.

- Do you know how many guys want this position, Doug?

More than you're probably capable of counting.

So you separate these towels,

like your job depends on it,

because it does.

- I wonder if our kids will have blue eyes like me

or brown eyes, like John's.

- Hi, can I take that?

- Oh.

He's cute.

- Veto.

- Come on.

- He's a towel boy, Eliza.

- I'm unemployed, Sofia.

- Look past the towel boy there to your left.

That's Rich Hawthorne.

He's an orthopedic surgeon,

and he just bought his own 4.8 million townhouse

on East 74th.

- I don't know.

I'm just not into the whole chiseled thing.

- Yes, you are.

- How does he get his hair so perfect?

- Ooh, there's John.

- What's up guys? - What's up man?

Our future husbands, they're friends.

- I told you I did my homework.

It's literally meant to be.

Think about it.

Okay, "A Guide to Marrying Rich."

His name is Rich.

He is rich.

- Yeah, yeah. I got it.

Okay, fine.

I'll go introduce myself.

- Don't you dare.

According to the book,

the first time a guy lays his eyes on you

has to be memorable.

Ooh, I got it.

Okay.

You go for a swim, you get a cramp,

you start to drown, and he saves you.

And then your bikini top comes off in the process.

- I think the fake drowning is memorable enough.

- Not as memorable as tits.

Just saying.

- Help.

Help.

I'm drowning.

Oh, the water.

It's so rough here.

And I'm not as strong as swimmer as I thought.

I'm in a rip tide.

Help.

I'm in a rip tide.

Help. Help.

- Your top!

- What? - Take off your top.

Tits!

- I'm not doing that. No.

Help.

- Hey, daddy-o.

Hey, Doug.

What do you say you cut out of there early

and meet me for some lunch.

- I'm working, remember?

Well, you're working too hard.

- Oh, says the hardest working guy I know.

- I'm drowning.

I'm really drowning this time.

Help.

Help, I'm drowning. - Dad, I gotta go, Dad.

- Help.

Help, I'm drowning.

- Okay I'm coming.

- Help, I'm drowning.

I'm single and drowning.

- I got you, I got you. - What are you doing.

- No!

- Help! - Okay.

- Help, help!

Not you.

- No!

- Look, okay.

Feet on the ground.

Then on and up.

Okay.

Wonderful.

The shore is right there,

there's some towels that I can grab you.

- No, it's not...

That's okay, I'm okay.

- So you're pretending to drown?

- Um, uh.

Okay, this is embarrassing,

but my friend Sofia over there,

yeah, she told me that this would be

a really great way to meet a guy.

- Oh, well, I mean,

I'm one of those.

- Uh.

- Veto, veto, veto, veto!

Veto!

Veto!

- Yeah.

Not you.

You're not the guy.

- Ouch.

- Yeah, it's just, you know,

you're not really my type.

- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.

- Okay, so what is your type?

- Oh, you see that chiseled guy over there?

Yeah, that's kind of my thing.

- Okay, so you owe me.

Start flailing.

- Help!

Help!

Can we get some help here?

- Help! - I need help

saving this woman! - Help, I'm so cold!

- A little help over here?

- We're drowning!

- I'm drowning too!

We're drowning.

I'm struggling to save this woman.

Help us!

- Are you okay?

Are you good?

You all right?

- Uh, yeah.

I am so good.

- I'm Rich.

- Eliza.

- I hate that all the rich guys

go back to the city during the week.

It makes our timeline so much crunchier.

- Well, I think it's a good thing.

We can't spend all our summer

trying to get these guys to fall for us.

We need to work.

Otherwise, we're gonna spend our summer

eating out of people's garbage cans.

- Eliza, it's the Hamptons.

There's lobster in those garbage cans.

- Oh.

Let's go.

- No way. Absolutely not.

This skin does not do greasy environments.

- We've tried literally everywhere else.

Okay.

Come on, Sofia.

- Can you read?

- Yeah.

Can you write?

- Totally.

- Can you carry a tray?

- Yeah.

- You're hired.

- Okay.

- It's a dream come true.

This isn't exactly the chic Hamptons couture

I pictured wearing this summer.

- Oh, you'll be fine.

Order up.

- What are you staring at?

- I know you.

- Definitely not.

- Yeah, I know I definitely do.

- Well, I don't know you.

- I'm Ryan.

- Mm-hmm.

- You look like a model.

- Yeah, I am actually.

- Like a famous model.

See, I knew it.

What the hell are you doing here?

- Research.

I got this big job.

They want me to be like a normal person or something.

- Oh shit, that's cool.

Nice.

Hey, wait there for a second.

- Oh my gosh, how dare you.

- Hi, are you ready to...

Oh.

- Ah, well hello.

- Hi.

- Are you really gonna take my order

or are you just pretending to be a waitress?

- What I'm pretending is that that whole drowning thing,

it just never happened and that we've never met.

You feel like playing along?

- Hi, nice to meet you.

I'm Doug.

- Eliza.

I like what you're wearing.

It's very Ducky.

- Yeah.

You know, most people assume I'm a Blane

but I got a secret dorky or Ducky thing happening.

- Wait, you know, "Pretty in Pink?"

- Not every word by heart, but.

- Well, I know every single word.

In fact, the only movie

that I've seen more times than "Pretty in Pink" is-

- "Say Anything."

- Get out of my head.

- "Say Anything" has got to have the best

moment of any '80s movie ever.

- You mean when John Cusack

shows up at Ione Skye's house

even after she says that she doesn't love him?

- But he doesn't believe her

and he stands outside her window

holding that boom box above his head

with Peter Gabriel singing "In Your Eyes."

Ah, what?

- It's just we're not supposed to like that anymore.

- What?

- You know, because the whole

guy shows up at a girl's house

in the middle of the night-

- It was sunrise.

- Uninvited, even after she said

that she didn't like him.

- Oh man.

Yeah.

- Oh, my whole world just.

- I know.

I know, it's been a long road for me.

- I mean, I did stop watching "16 Candles"

at some point for obvious reasons, but-

- Well, I promise that this is just as obvious

if you have a vagina.

It's heartbreaking.

- The problem is, when I'm heartbroken,

all I wanna do is watch those movies on a loop.

- I know. It's vicious cycle.

- Eliza.

Your order's up.

What do you think you're doing?

- I was just talking.

Oh my God.

Sofia, you don't actually think that I'm into him.

- You said he was cute.

- And you vetoed it and I respect that.

He is 100% in the friend zone.

- Okay, good.

Just make sure it stays that way.

- I don't know about you, but I could use a drink.

- Why don't you just get on the train, go home,

and give up now?

Chapter three.

Desirable women never pay for their own cocktails.

- This is the first night

that I don't smell like french fries.

I wanna have a good time and I wanna drink.

Who cares if I pay for it?

- Margaret does.

- Oh, we're on a first name basis now.

- Don't mock the book.

- What are you saying?

That just by reading this book,

men are gonna drop out of the sky

and buy us cocktails.

- Looks like you ladies need a drink.

What are we having?

- Well, we both enjoy sex on the beach,

but we don't know you well yet.

So martinis.

- You are very fit.

- Well, I try to run every morning before work.

- Oh, what time do you usually get to work?

- 6:00. - Wow.

You are unlike anyone I've ever dated.

Not that we're dating.

Okay, I'm gonna take this drink

and put it in my mouth so I stop talking.

- So, tell me something about you.

- Okay.

I am from Queens.

That is the borough where JFK is.

- Sounds kind of familiar.

- Okay, good. You're following.

My parents are public school teachers.

Oh, good for them.

- Yeah, it's a noble profession or so I've been told.

- Have you ever thought about teaching?

- No, that's not my calling.

- What's your calling?

- Event planning.

I know it sounds, by comparison,

like completely insignificant,

but I totally love it.

I mean, okay,

taking a space that's blank

or worse generic,

and turning it into like an experience

for whatever really.

I mean, you hope that the event is worthy,

but even if it's not,

the work is like always changing.

It's part customer service,

part visionary, super creative.

- Wow, you are really passionate.

- Is that not how you feel about orthopedic surgery?

- Nope.

But it's a good job.

Yeah.

- It's nice that your parents

were so cool with you just doing your own thing.

- I take it yours weren't?

- I mean, I never really pushed back.

- Eliza, can I talk to you?

- Right now? - Mm-hmm.

- I'll be right back. - Okay.

We have to leave right now.

- What? Why?

- Chapter number one.

Always leave a guy wanting more.

And frankly, I'm drunk and horny

and I'm gonna screw John in the parking lot

unless we go right now and ruin everything.

- Oh, come on.

I'm having such a good time.

Are you gonna doubt Margaret?

I would never.

Well, can I say goodbye first?

Or does Margaret think

that makes me look desperate and undesirable?

- No, you're good.

Just make it breezy.

Okay.

- Look at you.

Wow.

- Look at you.

Hey, you work at a bar too.

- Trying to learn as much

about the hotel business as possible.

- Cool.

- Something you should know.

Don't bother the customers.

- You're not bothering me.

That boy does not know he's in the friend zone.

- Hey, Doug, you're a friend!

Friend zone!

I didn't think that a guy could be

all the things that Rich is.

I mean, he's handsome, he's successful, and so charming.

And I really can't get over his hair.

It's so like perfectly coiffed.

God, I hope he doesn't think that I blew him off.

- Oh, are you kidding me?

It's perfect.

That book is a miracle of literature.

Think about it.

You and Rich and me and John.

- Mm, yeah.

Tell me about you and John.

- Well, he's just so loaded.

- Oh, okay.

Please tell me that there are other things

that you're attracted to about him.

- Yeah, like he's totally hot for me.

- Of course he is.

Every guy's hot for you.

- I know, right?

Did I tell you you could leave the bedroom?

- Something you'd like to share?

- Oh, okay.

So there's this whole chapter in the book

about how guys won't buy the cow

when they can get the milk for free.

And you know me, I've always-

- Dabbled in the dairy distribution business.

- No, I just sleep with guys I'm into way too soon.

- So you're using him?

- Yeah.

Oh, like he minds.

- Oh, wow.

Well, at least you and John will have a romantic story

to tell your grandkids one day.

Mm-hmm.

- You know, it's so tough being a modern woman.

I don't know if I should feel like Cinderella

or if I should file a stalking report.

- Well, I would've called,

but you left without giving me your number.

And you did mention that you were staying on Bay Lane

and hey, did you know that Bay Lane

is like eight miles long?

I think I pissed off a lot of your neighbors.

Wanna go for a ride?

- I think this car cost more than my parent's house.

- It was either this or my Ferrari.

But I didn't want you to think I was trying too hard.

I actually wanted a Prius,

but my dad talked me into this.

- Mm.

I hate to say this,

but I think your dad was right.

I mean, you recycle, right?

- Religiously.

- Yeah, so you offset it.

- So if you're not turned off too much by the Bentley,

do you want a ride to the Movers and Shaker's

event next weekend?

- Are you asking-

- Yes, I'm asking you out.

- Okay, next question.

Who's moving and who's shaking?

- It's a big annual fundraiser.

- Oh, that's cool.

What's the cause?

- No idea.

But it's always for a really good cause.

- Oh my God.

This reminds me of that scene in "Pretty in Pink"

when Andrew McCarthy asks-

- "Pretty in Pink?"

- The movie.

You've never seen it?

- Should I?

- I mean, yes.

But it's one of those things

that you probably should have

watched when you were younger

'cause if you watched it now,

you'd probably be like, huh,

and that wouldn't be good for us.

So, I don't know.

Maybe my answer is no.

- No, don't watch the movie or no to being my date?

- Oh, hell yeah to being your date.

- Good.

- So?

- Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

- Tell me! Tell me!

- Okay, he invited me to move

and or shake with him next week.

- Oh, my god.

Movers and shakers.

- Yeah, that, yeah.

- John called me while you were gone

and he asked me to go with him.

What did I tell you? Never doubt Margaret.

- Never.

- Always leave them wanting more.

- Always!

- Can you see it?

Eliza Hawthorne.

- Oh God, you're so ridiculous.

- You've gotta start planning your wedding now.

Visualization was a big part of Margaret's philosophy.

- Oh, I'm visualizing.

I'm just not changing my last name

to suit a 1950s manual.

- 1967, bitch.

- Yeah, I'm still a feminist.

But what was that part in chapter four

about always letting the man pay?

- Oh, if you want to pay, you know, just for funsies,

you have to give the man the cash

so he can pay the bill.

- Okay, that makes total sense.

I know, so smart.

- Hey.

- Sorry, I forgot something.

♪ I wanna hold on to this forever ♪

See you next weekend.

- Okay, bye.

♪ Don't stop

♪ Don't stop

- What are we doing here?

This place is way out of our league.

- We can't exactly wear our Salty's uniforms

to the biggest event of the season.

- Okay, you're right.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

What about this? - Hate It.

- Okay, me too.

No.

Trash.

Oh, a little bit.

Huh?

- Love it. - Right?

- Love it.

- Okay, where's a mirror?

- Over there.

- Okay, oh my gosh, okay.

Hello, gorgeous.

Mm.

Oh, goodbye, gorgeous.

Have you seen how many zeros

are on these price tags?

Yeah, like, we should go.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.

We charge the dresses,

keep the price tags on,

and then return them the next day.

- Isn't that stealing?

- No.

Think of it as borrowing with the intent to return.

- Wow.

Margaret really did think of everything.

- Actually, I came up with that one.

- Oh, Sofia.

- I know. Thank you.

You're great.

- I'm so smart.

- Okay.

- Let's take another look, gorgeous.

- Okay, I mean.

- I really like the green for you.

It brings out your eyes.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- Killing it, Trace.

Ah, the party.

Right, I'm working.

- Oh my God, everyone's looking at us.

It's like we're the bells of the ball.

- It really does feel like a fairytale.

- Come on, let's dance.

- You know, as important as my modeling career means to me,

I think being a stay-at-home mom is even more important.

So I'd totally give up my career,

as hard as it would be.

And, you know, it's a lot of work to keep up

with a 4,000 square foot plus farmhouse style home

in Connecticut on a minimum of two acres

while chasing after 3.5 kids and a Carlton doodle.

How about you?

- I'm not really a dog person.

- Oh, I was just kidding about the doodle.

- I'm not sure if I want kids either.

- Oh, I know.

They can be such attention sucks.

- No, I like kids.

I just think the planet's overcrowded.

- I was thinking the same thing.

It's like we have one mind.

- Can I get you another drink?

- Oh, I don't wanna get too drunk.

I'm worried I might make a move.

- Oh, no.

Don't do that.

What do you say after the party,

we go back to my place?

- I, um.

I, um.

I mean, okay, look.

I really like you,

and I would love to like, you know.

It's just, I don't think that I'm ready

for like, you know.

But it's not that I've, like, never you knowed

or it's not like I've you knowed a ton either.

I guess it depends on how you define, you know.

- Are we talking about sex?

- Yeah, that's, yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.

- I just wanna spend more time with you.

My parent's house has eight bedrooms,

and you can pick any one you want.

And if you happen to end up in mine,

I won't kick you out.

- Oh, you're so kind.

- Oh, dear.

You forgot to take off the price tag.

- Uh, um.

I really have to, um...

I'm gonna be right back.

I just have to...

Sorry.

Sorry, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No!

No.

It's not stealing.

It's borrowing with intent to return.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Whoa.

- Doug?

- Are we doing the garbage grabbing scene

from "Back to the Future?"

- This isn't an '80s movie moment.

Oh, god.

This is an '80s movie moment.

And I'm the leading lady

who let her world get turned upside down

because she's pretending to be something that she's not.

- Okay, well,

why don't we get this leading lady

out of the dumpster, huh?

Because it looks pretty uncomfortable.

- It's really gross in here.

- Yeah, it looks pretty gross.

Come on.

Careful.

Watch your step.

Oh, what is that?

Okay, let's get out quick.

Hold your breath.

Yeah, I don't remember Doc Brown being in his boxers.

- It's laundry day.

- So why exactly were you in the dumpster?

- Because I let my friend Sofia

convince me to buy a dress

that costs more than my rent.

And now the tag is somewhere in this dumpster

and I can't find it

and now I can't return the dress

and they're probably gonna send me to debtor's prison.

And I know that those don't exist anymore,

but they'll probably build a new one just for me,

because I'm a total idiot.

- You could Poshmark it.

- I'm gonna Poshmark you

if you don't stop trying to silver line

an unsilver lineable situation.

- Would you relax?

As soon as Rich proposes,

you'll tell him the story

and have a big laugh,

and then he'll pay for the dress.

I mean, hell, if you asked him to,

I'm sure he'd buy you the entire dress store.

- There's no way.

Not after I ghosted him last night

and didn't say goodbye to him on the first night.

- Margaret says-

- No, Sofia,

at some point you're just rude.

And it's so tragic because I really, really like him

and I really, really like how it felt last night

getting all dressed up, you know,

with all those fancy people,

doing all those amazing things,

and having this gorgeous guy flirting with me.

But leave it to me to end up dumpster diving.

Like there's a reason

I end up with losers my whole life

is because I am one.

You're not a-

Oh.

Eliza, this is a loser.

- Sofia.

Rude.

- Nice to see you too.

- Sorry about her.

You're not a loser.

I mean, I don't think.

Maybe you are, I don't know.

- I'm not.

- What are you doing here?

- Well I thought you might want this.

- Oh my God. Oh my God!

You found it.

- Happy to help.

- Guess this is a bad time.

- Oh, Rich, no.

He was...

- I should go.

- Okay.

But Doug, you actually saved my life this time.

Thank you.

- These are for you.

- Oh, thank you.

- I got them because I was worried

maybe that I was pressuring you

to come over to my place after the party

and that's why you bailed

but I guess it was to hook up with that guy, so.

- Doug?

No, he's just a friend.

Really.

I didn't blow you off.

I mean, well, I did,

but I didn't mean to.

It's a, it's a really long story

and it doesn't, it's doesn't matter

because these are the most beautiful flowers

I've ever seen in my life.

- Okay, I just, I feel like I'm getting some mixed messages.

So, just that we're clear,

are you into me?

- I am so, so into you.

And I've just been getting some advice lately

that I actually think is really bad advice

and so I think we should just probably

get naked instead right now.

- Okay.

- All right. - Okay, we can do that.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay.

- Sorry, I just got this thing with my hair.

- Oh, your hair.

No, I get it.

It's so perfectly coiffed.

I don't, are you okay?

- I'm good.

Come here. - Oh!

- Alrighty, so where do we-

- Oh, upstairs, yeah.

Are you sure you're good to carry me the whole way?

- Yeah.

You're taking off already?

- Yeah.

But I can't wait to see you next weekend.

- I can't wait to see you.

- What do you say Saturday

you, me, all day, all night on the yacht?

- I'd say that sounds entirely all amazing.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- I swear to God, if you take one more picture of me,

I'm gonna shove the camera up your ass.

- Promise?

- Gross.

Why hasn't John made a move yet?

- Can we not talk about John right now?

- Okay, I guess.

But just so you know,

I am always thinking about him.

- Oh, really?

Always?

- Mm-hmm. - Really?

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, let's see if we can fix that.

- Some condom...

Oh my God!

Um,.

So, tonight, 9:00?

- I'm sorry, are you talking to me?

- Okay.

- Sofia.

- It's fine.

He likes it when I'm mean.

Besides, he's serving a purpose.

If it weren't for Ryan,

I'd never hold out for John.

Things are just so hot between us.

- Wait, what?

He made a move?

- Yeah, like so, so many.

Except unlike some people,

I'm staying strong

and following Margaret's advice.

At least, you know, until he asks me to marry him.

- Well, I'm glad that I didn't wait with Rich.

Although, to be honest,

the sex was a little underwhelming.

- Shut your mouth.

- I'm not saying that it wasn't good.

I'm saying that it wasn't, you know, magic.

- Magic doesn't exist.

You know what does?

A townhouse on East 74th.

- I know. I know.

But if that part doesn't work.

- Hmm, get yourself a Ryan.

- Or a Doug.

Who, funny enough-

- Salty, the hair cream is doing wonders.

Hi.

- Hi.

Whatever you want, it's on the house.

- Ah, that's okay.

- Oh, it is the least I can do

after you saved my credit rating.

- Well, if you really wanna make it up to me,

are you busy tonight?

- She's busy.

Ah, very busy.

- Ah.

Because they're showing "The Breakfast Club"

at the Revival House in West Hampton.

- Oh my God.

I've never seen it on the big screen.

- Then you haven't really seen it.

Wanna meet there?

- Oh, no.

That's not gonna work.

I don't have a car.

One, because I can't afford one

and, two, because this city girl can't drive, so.

- Then I guess we'll have to do something about that.

- Okay.

- All right, hands up, cover, cover.

- Okay. - Okay, here we go.

- I'm nervous.

What's happening?

What are you doing? - It's a surprise.

Just go with it. - I don't know.

I don't know. - Just go with it.

- Okay, okay. - And stop, stop, stop.

Open.

Huh?

- Whose car is this?

- No idea.

But...

- You're stealing a car?

- Well, now, technically you're stealing a car.

- Absolutely no, I am not.

- Oh, yes you are.

- I don't drive, remember?

- Of course I do.

That's why I'm gonna teach you.

Go.

- Oh no.

♪ Call me Chris Columbus

♪ Riding the ocean blue

♪ I'm leaving home looking for something new ♪

♪ It's never been done before

♪ Leaving my familiar shores in search for me ♪

♪ In my F150

♪ Call me Ford Explorer

♪ Got the rims painted black

♪ I'm not paid, but I can pull off that ♪

♪ And now I'm trying to get the house to match ♪

♪ Long nights in Vegas

♪ When you party like you're famous ♪

♪ In God's hand

♪ That's paradise

♪ When anytime we'll do the birds and the bees ♪

♪ That's what it feels like inside ♪

♪ It's paradise

♪ When you're living your dream ♪

♪ Making money that's so green

- Okay.

- Hold on, Dougie.

♪ It's paradise

- You really got the need for speed, I think.

- I think I'm ready for NASCAR.

- One step at a time, Eliza.

It's pretty incredible, isn't it?

- Yeah.

It's beautiful.

Wait, what do you think you're doing?

- What do you think I'm doing?

- No, we're just friends.

- Why?

Why can't we try something, Eliza?

- Because I'm with Rich.

- What is so great about Rich?

- Um, basically everything.

- Oh, come on.

- What?

He's smart, generous, chiseled.

- Oh, which we both know is your thing.

- And he's also-

- Oh, he's got boat loads of money.

Yeah, I know.

- Whoa, that's not what I was gonna say.

- You're telling me if Rich had nothing to his name,

you'd still be into him?

- Of course I would.

Who do, who do you think that I am?

- Look, Eliza.

No.

- Eliza wait.

- Here you are.

Watch out, it's sandy out there.

- How perfect is this?

A gorgeous, sunny afternoon

and we coincidentally have the day off.

- Hey, you better hope Salty doesn't find out

that you are the one who filed the complaint

with the health inspector.

- So what?

You two aren't even friends anymore?

- No, we're not.

He accused me of being a gold digger.

- What an ass.

- Yeah.

- So you do know if you don't hit it off

with Rich's parents at this dinner,

then there's no gold for you, right?

- It's not about the gold.

- It's a little bit about the gold.

And that's all right.

I mean, think about all of the Dougs over the years

that you've given everything to.

You just-

- I know, I know.

God, I hope his parents like me.

- Good thing chapter seven

is entirely devoted to meeting the parents.

- Lay it on me.

- Okay.

So you know the way you are.

Don't be that way.

You should have very few opinions.

Don't talk about politics, religion,

or anything if you can avoid it.

- So just sit there and act like a mute?

- No, don't be silly.

You should look at Rich adoringly.

Say adoring things about Rich.

And remember,

it's much more important

to be interested than interesting.

- Hey, Dad.

- Eliza, get your head in the game.

- I am, it is.

It's just...

Did I tell you that Doug kissed me?

- What?

- Okay, calm down.

You literally tickle Ryan's undercarriage

with a peacock feather every night.

- How do you know about the feather?

- I live in a loft.

There's very little insulation.

And the point is,

it was good.

- No, no it wasn't.

That is the fear talking

because things are going so well with Rich

and you are literally about to have

the life of my dreams.

- Okay, aren't you working at the life of your dreams?

- Yes.

But things are moving a little slower

with John than I'd prefer.

We'll catch up.

I'm just so happy for you.

- Uh-huh.

- And she loves '80s movies as much as I do,

although she's given me

a brutal, brutal education on the message.

And why isn't she your girlfriend?

- Because she's into somebody else.

Doug, you listen to me.

If she's really in love with someone else,

you shouldn't compete with him.

That's just bad manners.

But if you think that's the girl for you

and you don't fight for her,

well that you'll regret forever.

- So how was your week at work?

Anything interesting happen?

- Do you know about the Nasdaq?

- Of course.

I have one of their handbags.

You know what I love about us?

The fact we don't even need to talk

shows just how comfortable we are with one another.

- Why you would choose to work at a private hospital

when you could work at a major university is just-

- Paul, enough.

He doesn't care about the accolades.

- Or the grants or the labs.

- I'm good with just focusing

on my little practice, honestly.

You guys shot for the stars

and you know I respect that about you,

but it's not like I did anything crazy.

I didn't become a public school teacher or something.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Eliza's parents are both teachers.

- Oh, how sweet.

- What do you think, Eliza?

Is Rich selling himself short?

- Oh, I think that Rich is perfect

just the way that he is.

I'm just gonna run to the lady's room real quick.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Whoever heard of a bathroom

that doesn't have a window you can crawl out of?

What kind of dump is this?

- Would you relax?

His parents probably love you.

Just keep smiling and let them do all the talking.

- Looks like you remembered

to take off all your price tags tonight.

- Yeah, I did.

And tonight's already been a total disaster.

So, if you could just not pull anything else off of me,

that'd be great.

- Meeting the parents for the first time, huh?

Just be yourself, dear.

They're either gonna like you or not like you,

but if they don't like you,

better they don't like you because you're you.

- Thank you for that totally unsolicited piece of advice

but we already have all the wisdom we need.

- Oh dear God.

Do people still read 'A Guide to Marrying Rich?"

So much for the second wave of feminism.

- That's what I'm sayin'.

Look, my parents love teaching

and all they ever encouraged me to do

was to find something that I loved enough

that I could do it for free

and then try to make a living doing that.

And sure,

I could have pursued a lot more things

that would've earned me a lot more money.

But at the end of the day,

I chose event planning

because it's what I really wanted to do.

And then I did unpaid internships

and paid internships

and I worked myself to the bone.

- Well, with that much drive,

I'll bet you're very good at it too.

- I'm great at it, honestly.

But it's because I love doing it.

And I think you have to spend your life

doing what you love.

- I couldn't agree more.

- So, if Rich wants to work at a county clinic,

I think that he needs to do what makes him happy.

- Well, disagree on the county clinic thing,

but of course we want Rich to be happy.

- You know, I like your spunk.

We could use a little bit more of it around here.

So, here is to seeing more of you.

- I hope you're okay with staying here tonight.

I felt weird about staying at your house

with your parents there.

I didn't want them to think I was-

- First of all, my parents know that I have sex.

- Oh, weird.

- Isn't that crazy?

But more important,

you made such a good impression

you couldn't get them to dislike you

even if you tried.

- I don't know.

I'm pretty good at turning people off.

- All I know is you're very good at turning me on.

- Oh.

Oh, sorry.

Your hair?

- No, it's all good.

- Oh, okay.

They really did like me?

- No, they loved you.

And I don't blame them

because I do too.

- Wait, you-

- Yeah.

I love you.

- I love you too.

- Son of a bad dog.

- What are you doing here?

- Well, I thought about it

and I felt really bad

about what happened the other night.

So I came here to tell you I was sorry

but then I thought if I opened my mouth again

I might say the wrong thing or, you know.

I figured it was safer all taped up.

But you gotta admit, the Duct tape,

that was really cute.

I mean, who does that?

Come on.

There it is.

Look, Eliza, I really am sorry.

I had no right to say those things.

I never should have kissed you.

It was a real Bender move.

Look, if you and Rich are happy-

- We're in love, actually.

- Totally cool with that.

I just, you know,

I want my friend back.

- I do too.

- So, we good?

- We're good.

- So, now that we are friends again,

I have something to do tomorrow

and I could use a friend's help.

- Okay, wow.

So first you make me steal a car

and now we're stealing a boat.

What's next, Dougie?

A Learjet?

- One of the members of the beach club

is in Europe for a few weeks.

So he hired me to keep his boat in tip top shape.

That means we're gonna give it a workout

by sailing it to his house in Montauk

and turning around.

- How do you know how to do all of this?

- Oh.

I was a pirate.

- Oh.

- Well, more like a stow away on a pirate ship.

- Arg.

- I worked in a marina on the summers off from college.

- Okay, got it.

Is it not the most beautiful day?

- Yeah.

It's gonna be good.

one sec, one sec, I got it.

Okay, here we go.

Are you okay?

- Yeah.

I'm so sorry that it's so crazy.

- No, I can't believe that you knew what to do.

Thank God.

I can't believe we made it.

- Are you okay? - Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Let's get some lights on.

God, it's freezing in here.

Let's get you warm.

You okay?

- Yeah.

- That's better.

- Yeah.

- Here.

- I can think of worse places

to wait out a storm.

- Whoo.

Maybe I should find us some warm clothes.

I hope

'Cause there's a chance I could get it again

and I'd love to take you to Block Island.

Oh, you'd love it.

What?

- Um, nothing.

I'm just feeling kind of nauseous.

- The waters were a little choppy.

Probably just seasick.

- Yeah, seasick.

Or I'm feeling incredibly guilty

and horrible about Rich.

- Right.

Right, right, Rich.

Well, you'll feel better as soon as you tell him.

Let him down easy.

- Wait, I don't know if that's what I wanna...

Honestly, I don't know how I feel.

- You seemed to know exactly how you felt last night.

- Yes.

Obviously I like you, okay.

And last night was...

- What?

But there was a storm

and a fire and a house in Montauk.

So I don't know what we were supposed to do.

- Okay, come on.

Eliza, we're both adults here.

- I know.

And I have to take responsibility

for my own actions, okay.

I already learned this lesson.

It's just I really care about him.

- And me?

- I really care about you too.

- And this has nothing to do with his Bentley or-

- No.

And if it did, this would be a lot easier.

He's a great guy and he's kind

and he genuinely cares about people

and he loves me

and I can't just blow him off,

because I love him too.

- Seriously?

- Maybe.

I don't know. I don't know.

- Well, when you do know,

do me a favor, let me know, okay?

- I'm telling you, the sex was otherworldly.

- Of course it was. He's broke.

He's gotta bring something to the table.

- Is that a thing?

Are rich guys bad in bed?

- Well, they don't have to be good.

- I dunno what to do.

- Sex has just clouded your brain.

Everything's misfiring.

Don't do anything stupid.

It was just huge mistake.

- Why is it a mistake for me

but it's okay for you to sleep with Ryan?

- Well, because Ryan's just a piece of meat

that I don't give two craps about.

- Ouch.

- I'm kidding, kind of.

What's that?

- It's a...

- That's like the worst picture of me ever.

- I don't think so.

I think it's,

I think it's perfect.

But I guess that explains that.

- What?

- The girl I thought you were

versus the girl you actually are.

- Let's just talk this out by the fridge.

- Screw you.

- Yeah, that's exactly the idea.

- Not anymore it's not.

- Thanks a lot.

- How is this my fault?

- Well, it's not my fault.

- See, that's what I can't do.

I can't pretend that everything is not my fault.

I did this.

I have to own it.

I have to tell Rich the truth.

- Has the book taught you nothing?

What place does the truth have in a relationship?

- I agree with Eliza.

- Of course you do.

Look, if you tell Rich what happened,

he'll break up with you.

And I have put too much effort into your relationship

for it to fall apart now.

Plus the book says

that it's perfectly okay for a woman

to have a few secrets about her past.

- Don't tell my chef I was here,

but sometimes you just need a great cheeseburger.

Apologizing for eavesdropping,

but when I wrote "Secrets About Your Past,"

I didn't mean secrets about your present.

- You're Margaret Dumont?

- Unfortunately, I am.

- You wrote "A Guide to Marrying Rich."

- I did, but it was a long time ago.

And to be candid,

I didn't know what I was talking about.

Nothing in that book

is sound advice even 50 years ago.

Except for the part about always wearing a hat.

Who knew the havoc sun damage would cause?

- You're wrong.

We both followed your rules

and now we both have rich boyfriends

who are very handsome and we've never been happier.

- Oh, speak for yourself.

My life is a mess.

- Trust me.

I played by the rules in the book

and I was never truly happy,

never truly in love.

- Let me get that for you.

- I missed you a lot this week.

I couldn't stop thinking about you.

- Actually, I have something

that I wanted to talk to you about.

It's kind of important.

- Hold on one second.

Here they are.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

Wow, it's such a surprise.

- Oh yeah, my parents are in town

and they're joining us for brunch.

- Okay.

- It's my fault.

I insisted in horning in because, well,

I wanted to ask you a little favor.

- Oh, what could I possibly do?

- Well, it's our 30th anniversary in a few weeks

and we just decided to hold a big bash

for all our Hamptons friends.

- Wow. - What she means is

she's been talking about this for months

and I finally agreed to it.

- Okay.

- Eliza, I would love it

if you would help me out.

- Oh, wow.

And I'm not taking no for an answer.

- Oh my.

I...

So as they are set up,

how do you feel about the numbers?

- Well, it's good, but really,

I'm just concerned that the guest list is gonna grow

because it always does.

And then we won't have room for the dance floor

or the bandstand and-

- Unless we do 12 tops instead of 10 tops.

- That could get a little tight.

- Right, but not necessarily.

I'm thinking a Moroccan theme.

So a night in Casablanca.

So we'll do shared platters

and tajines on the tables

so we don't have to worry about serving

and the whole thing will feel

just a lot more cozy and intimate.

And then to offset the white of the hotel,

long sheer colorful drapes.

- And what about large colored candles on the tables?

- Absolutely.

And Persian rugs line the floors.

- I love this idea.

Eliza, you are just fabulous.

- Oh, thank you.

Okay, so the bandstand, yes.

We'll build it up towards the back.

- You know, we really miss you at Salty's.

It's just not the same without you.

- Okay.

- No, really.

The new chef smells like feet.

I'd never sleep with him.

- Seriously?

This is your way of trying to get me back into bed?

- Is it working?

- No.

- Fine.

Do you know why Ryan is being such a tool?

- Maybe because he's a human being

with actual feelings.

- I don't think that's it.

He better not be screwing someone else.

- Hello, sir.

The blue looks great on you.

- You gotta stop looking at him like that.

- Like what?

- Like you care.

You need to sweep that mess under the rug

where no will ever find it

or I promise you it will bite you in the ass.

- I'm not gonna say anything, okay?

- No, it's not you I'm worried about anymore.

It's him.

He's probably gonna show up to your wedding,

singing some stupid Air Supply song at the top of his lungs.

- Okay, so what am I supposed to do?

- Just go over there and be a bitch.

If you have any problem with that,

pretend you're me.

- Okay, okay.

Be a bitch, be a bitch.

Okay.

Hey.

I don't know how else to say this,

but whatever this is, it's over.

- Because you're with him?

- Yeah, I am.

- So you don't feel anything for me?

- Not like that.

- I don't believe you.

- Well, you don't get to tell me

what I want or how I feel.

So, I don't want you.

So, goodbye.

- Bye, Eliza.

- You're doing a great job.

Okay, all right.

- Hey, bus boy.

I need a word with you.

Come with me.

- Oh.

Oh, my God, Eliza.

I don't believe it.

I knew you'd be good,

but you are so much better than good.

- Well, thank you for letting me

play with an unlimited budget

in one weeks time.

- Well, I just-

- Unlimited.

- Honey, you haven't had your martini yet.

Let's go get that.

Oh, and Eliza, the owner of the hotel, David Zane,

flew in for the event.

- You're kidding.

- No. I'll introduce you later.

He's gonna love what you've done.

- That would be amazing.

- Rich, honey,

don't let that girl get away.

- I won't.

- Oh.

- Sofia, I'm so happy my nephew's finally met a girl.

- Thanks, Becky.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Aunt Becky.

That's right.

- I hope I'll be seeing more of you.

- Oh, thank you so much for that.

She totally bought it.

- Bought?

- Us, like being a thing.

- We are a thing, aren't we?

- I mean, well technically I'm

gay. - Gay.

Yeah, I know.

Nobody turns this down.

- That cook certainly doesn't.

You're head over heels for him.

- I am not.

- Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

- Don't quote Yoda at me at a time like this.

John, mm, I love you.

- Sofia, please.

- I'm at least in love with the idea of you

and I think that is the foundation

for a long-lasting marriage.

- You don't seriously want us to be together, do you?

- Why not?

I mean, maybe you didn't get the memo,

but basically everyone's pan now

and no one cares who you sleep with,

especially not me so long as you marry me

and make me very, very rich.

- My Aunt Becky cares,

which is the only reason I care.

She's in charge of my trust fund, so.

- So what are you saying?

- Look, we're both benefiting from this arrangement.

You're a fantastic dance partner.

- So are you.

- And if we could grab dinner, say,

once every quarter with Aunt Becky.

- I want you to buy me something very expensive.

- How about a boat?

- Make it a yacht and we're good.

- I really need to talk to you.

- Wanna get us tipsy?

- You know I do.

- I really need to talk to you.

So, this whole time I've been getting speared.

- I kind of saw that coming.

- And also I think I'm in love with Ryan.

Of course you're in love with Ryan.

He's perfect for you.

He adores you more than you adore yourself.

And what more could you really ask for?

- I've gotta go find him.

How do I look?

- Yeah, like a million bucks.

- Which I'll never have.

- Yeah, but I think I will.

So, you know, what's mine is yours.

- Wait, is this what you wanna talk to me about?

- Yeah.

So this is a thing.

Rich's mom told him to never let me go

and then he held onto me with some sort of vice grip

and said that he won't and so, Sofia-

- Oh my god.

- Yeah, I think this is happening.

- And it's what you want?

- Of course it is.

- So you definitely don't love Doug.

- What?

Why are you asking me that?

This whole time you've been-

- I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

It's just, I was, wrong.

The book was wrong.

Margaret's said it herself.

- Okay, but just because you're ready

to run off with Ryan...

Okay, Rich is amazing

and I could see our whole future together.

It's one where I get everything,

like the career and the townhouse and-

- The guy.

Rich is the guy you want.

- Yes.

- Then I'm so happy for you.

I'm a little bit jelly, but I'm mostly happy.

- Eliza, I think Rich wants to show you

something on the lawn.

Okay.

This is it, okay.

I think I, I just gotta go to the bathroom.

I just gotta go pee like really quick.

But, um, I can be right there.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

The moment is now.

Rich, I didn't expect this.

Oh my God.

Oh my.

I do.

Yes.

Yes.

- Trying to convince yourself you wanna say yes?

- Margaret?

Wait, no, I, I just,

I just want the moment to be perfect.

- Oh, what a crock.

Where's the sex appeal in perfect?

Sweetheart, I've given a lot of bad advice in my time.

But what I'm about to tell you,

you can take to the bank.

You can't marry someone you don't love.

- I do love him.

- If you say so.

But I'll tell you what,

I've been there done that six times over.

All I'm saying is make sure

you've got that magic going for you.

- What we have, Eliza, it's magic.

I love you

and I want to keep loving you forever

if you'll let me.

So, Eliza.

- Okay.

- Will you marry-

- Sorry, would you stop?

Okay, just, sorry.

Would you,

would you just come up, come up here?

Yeah, sorry.

Rich, you are such an amazing guy.

- But.

- But I don't think that what we have is magic.

But that's not to say

that I don't think that magic doesn't exist

because I think that it does.

It's just that what it takes to make magic

is messy and sweaty,

and dirty, and sticky.

And you are just like so clean.

- So what you're saying is I'm too perfect?

- Kind of, yeah.

I mean, you are so nice

and generous and handsome

and what you do like, this is so impressive.

And I'm embarrassed to say this,

but I feel like I just got like

swept up in the fantasy of...

Shit.

I think I need to sit down.

Nope.

Okay, I'm good. Yeah.

I've just,

I've been where you are a lot.

It sucks to think that the person that you love

might be using you.

- So, what?

You were just here for the fancy dinners

and the once in a season event

that you got to plan

and now that you've got everything that you wanted,

you're out?

- That is one really horrible interpretation

of what happened.

It's awful.

And I'm sorry that that's even on the table.

You probably won't believe this,

but I really did love spending time with you,

like a lot.

It's just that I feel like I don't even know you.

- Because we haven't spent that much time together.

- But I feel like you don't really know you either,

apart from who your parents want you to be.

And I know that you don't wanna take advice

from a girl who's-

- Breaking your heart.

- But please just go out there

and find that thing that makes you happy.

Like really happy,

like what you geek out for,

and just go chase the hell out of that.

- Okay, well,

I'm gonna see about returning a ring.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Haven't you ever heard of consent?

- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, no, totally.

No, yeah.

It's just, well, I was,

I was talking to John and...

No, it, it's not about, it's, it's...

This picture.

It's, it's not the worst picture of me.

It's, it's just, this picture is me.

I'm not who you think I am.

I'm not a big fancy famous model.

I'm a girl from Nebraska

who's terrified of ending up back where she started.

I left saying I was gonna make something of myself

and look at me.

I've nothing.

- Hey.

That's not true.

Come on.

You were, you're a big deal.

- I'm really not.

I'm not.

- Not sure about that.

- I live with like seven other models.

It's gross.

It's just not cute.

It's...

This is from my JC Penney shoot.

Why do you have this?

- My mom orders the catalogs

and she goes through them

to tell me what to get her for Christmas

and then I go through them for material.

- Mm-hmm.

- It's for my mood boards, okay.

Anyways, I'm back home for the holidays

a few years ago and there you were.

I thought, "Man, this is the most beautiful girl

I've ever seen."

And then I met you.

It's crazy.

And I got to meet her.

I thought, "That's the girl

that I wanna spend the rest of my life with."

- I'm sorry I was so mean.

- You're sorry

and do you wanna be with me?

- Yeah, I do.

Oh, we also have a yacht.

- What? - Yeah.

- Since when?

- Like five minutes ago.

Okay.

- Aw, you guys.

Has anyone seen Doug?

Okay.

Oh.

- Wait a minute, you're Eliza, right?

- Uh, yeah.

- David Zane.

- Oh, you're the guy who owns the hotel.

- That would be me, yes.

Really excellent work you did here.

I've never seen this place look better.

- Thanks.

- You know, I'm always looking

for a talented event manager if you'd be interested.

- You know what?

No.

- Eliza.

In this case, and in this case only, no means yes.

- No, it doesn't.

No means no.

I would never work for you, Mr. Zane.

Because I've seen the way

that you talked to one of your employees earlier.

Yeah, you called him bus boy.

But that's not his name.

His name is Doug.

And he is more than just his job.

You know, everyone here is.

And you know what?

It's people like you

that make people like us

feel like we have to act a fool

just to get a little piece of what you've got.

But what you've got, it ain't a lot

because what you've got makes people forget

the most important thing,

which is how we treat people.

So I'm gonna find Doug

and I'm gonna tell him that I love him.

And.

And I'm taking this with me.

- Is that a boom-box?

- Okay, plot twist.

The woman is the creepy stalker.

- The woman is the one who needs to apologize.

But if this crosses a boundary,

then I will totally turn it off.

- What is that music?

- It's not Peter Gabriel.

But let's just pretend it's a powerful love song.

- Is this the moment for a love song?

- God, I hope so.

- I'll just put this down.

It's over with Rich.

- Good.

I didn't think you guys were good for each other.

- We weren't.

You need to know that I've been burned

and meeting you,

I got scared because I thought,

"Well, here I go again,

I know how this ends."

But the thing is,

even if you take me for everything that I have,

which is almost nothing,

so it would be a really dumb scam if you did,

but even if you let me take care of you

while you're becoming whatever wonderful thing

that you're gonna become,

and then you leave me brokenhearted,

I'm gonna be upset.

But it will all have been worth it

because every cell in my being is telling me

that I have to be with you

because when I'm with you, I'm me.

I love you, Dougie.

And if you can forgive me,

I don't know what that means,

or like where we go from here-

- It doesn't matter.

I wanna go there with you.

- Does that mean?

- You know I'm crazy about you.

- So, you know what's sad?

I could have provided us

with a nice little life right here in the Hamptons.

The douche that runs this hotel,

he offered me a job and I told him off.

- What?

You told him off?

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it was kind of epic, honestly.

But I, but I was doing it to defend you.

- Huh.

So, do you want that job?

- Oh, are you kidding?

It was a dream job, but.

- Okay, then it's yours.

I don't think my dad will fault you

for telling him off in defense of his son.

- Wait, what?

- My name's Doug Zane

and in two weeks I start as vice president of operations

for Zane Hotels.

- Are you, are you kidding me?

- I made my dad promise not to blow my cover.

I just wanted to spend the summer

learning as much as I could

and I knew that there was no way

I could get the real deal

if everyone knew who I was, so.

- So you're telling me you're-

- Loaded. Yeah.

Don't hate me.

- I mean, I don't know.

You did lie to me.

So it may take me some time to get over this and...

Okay, I'm over it.

I'm over it.

- Hey, dummy.

What do you think you're doing?

You're on the clock.

I hope you don't think

you're gonna be working here next summer.

- No, I hope you don't think

you're gonna be working here next summer.

- Excuse me?

- He kind of owns the place.

Yeah, just found out myself.

Doug Zing, Ya.

- See ya, Eric.

Would you like to partake

in this rhythmic ceremonial ritual?

- Ah, do fish under the sea dance?

- We are by the ocean.

It's sand!

I'll try.