All language subtitles for Waitress.2007

(drumroll)

(rousing orchestral fanfare
playing)

(fanfare ends)

(piano playing lullaby)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

WOMAN:
Hon, you've put it
off long enough.

What?

You know what.
You know what.

Negative.
Negative.

Come on, negative.

Come on!
Dear Lord, please
protect our Jenna

from the hell of unwanted
pregnancy.

I don't need no baby.
I don't want no trouble.

I just want to make pies.

That's all I want to do,
make pies.

I thought you weren't sleeping
with your husband no more.

He got her drunk one night.

I should never drink.

I do stupid things
when I drink,

like sleep
with my husband.

Oh, no!
(gasps)

Looks like a pink line
is forming. Shit.

One line
or two lines?

One line or two lines?

Two lines! The control line
and the other line,

the bad line, the "yes" line.
Let me see that now.

Two lines, two definite lines.
There's no mistaking them.

(knocking on door)
MAN:
What's going on in there?

We have customers!
Where are my waitresses?

Hold your balls straight, Cal.
Jenna ain't feeling well.

CAL:
What's wrong
with her?

It's none of your business,
you blowhard.

I'm fine, Cal!
We'll be right out.

CAL:
Hurry up!

(sighs)

Hon, you okay?

Shh.
I'm inventing a new pie

in my head.

Tomorrow's blue plate special.

I'm calling it
"I Don't Want

Earl's Baby Pie."

I don't think we can write that
on the menu board, hon.

Then I'll just call it
"Bad Baby Pie."

What's in it, honey?

It's a quiche of egg and Brie
cheese with a smoked ham center.

Sounds good, baby.

I ain't never going to get
away from Earl now.

(hard rock playing)

You going to tell him?

I'm not sure.

If my plan comes true and I
can make my big escape from him

in a couple months,
maybe he never even has to know.

Are you sure
it's his child?

You know everything I do.
I ain't never cheated.

Ah...
I'd never do that.

Eh...
I feel sorry
for you, Jenna.

I mean, I'd do
anything

to meet a man, and Becky's
husband is a senile fruitcake.

Dawn!
Well, I'm sorry, it's true.

But now here you are,

married to this handsome guy.

Who's got very good hair.

Who's got very good hair.

And pregnant with

a little girl.

How do you know it's a girl?

We don't know it's a girl.
But neither of us

would trade places with you for
one second.

Now would we, Becky?

No, we wouldn't, Dawn.
No, we wouldn't.

Except, just once
in my life,

I'd like to be able to make

a pie half as good

as Jenna can make a pie.

Yeah, me, too.
JENNA:
Oh, come on.

So what if I can make
a decent pie?

Who cares?
Look at this, Jenna.

As you can plainly see,
my right boob is much higher

than my left boob

and Dawn here has

pasty, pasty skin.

I'm stuck in a marriage
to Droolin' Phil the Invalid,

and Dawn eats TV dinners alone,

but still, we wouldn't
rather be you.

I do have pasty, pasty skin.

(car horn blaring)

Yeah, I know, you're here.

See you tomorrow, honey.

Good luck.

And if you do tell him
you're...
Shh!

Hey.

Hey.

(heavy metal playing)

BECKY:
Hiya there, Earl.

We all just agreed
that your hair is
super attractive.

Hooray for you.

Woo-hoo!
Woo-hoo!

I don't care if she
is a pie genius.

I wouldn't trade places
with her.

No, me neither.

(hard rock playing)

You don't look happy to see me.

Are you happy to see me?

Yeah, I'm happy to see you.

Even brought you a piece

of today's special,
"Kick In The Pants Pie."

Cinnamon spice custard.

You don't give me a kiss.

Well, give me one.

There. That's more like it.

Where's that money

you made today?

Right here in my pocket.

Well, now, hand it over.

Not much here, is there?

Slow day, you know.

Yeah, you been having
more and more of those.

I'm really not sure it's worth
you working there anymore.

I think I might rather have you
be at home

making me pies all day long.

(chuckling)

You didn't ask me

how my day was.

How was your day?

Ask me like you

care about it.

How was your day, Earl?

Well, you know, Johnson's
on my case again,

about the mortgages
and everything.

But I don't make the bank
policy, and I told him that,

but he doesn't listen.
(hard rock fades)

(dreamy lullaby plays)
JENNA:
"I Hate My Husband Pie."

You take bittersweet chocolate
and don't sweeten it.

You make it into a pudding

and drown it in caramel.

(hard rock resumes)
You're not
listening to me.

Yeah, I am.

What I say?

You were bitching
about Mr. Johnson.

What were the exact
words I said?

Well, I mean, I can't repeat
them verbatim...

You don't listen to me!

Hurts my feelings.

Please just say you're sorry

so I can let you out this car
so you can make my dinner.

I'm sorry, Earl,
for not being able

to repeat your words
verbatim,

something I should be
able to do.

Whenever I need it.

Whenever you need it.

All right, then.

You look handsome
tonight, Early.

Thank you, honey.

(chuckles)

It's been a long time since
you called me Early.

I like it.

And you look pretty tonight.

Maybe a little tired is all.

You're not eating
your spaghetti pie. Why not?

I'm thinking I want to borrow
some money from you.

And my answer to that,
of course, is no.

There's a big pie Bake-Off in
Jonesville in a couple months.

And I'd like to go.

And my answer to that,
of course, is no.

Prize money is pretty good.

(fork clatters)
Why do you need money?

I give you everything
you need, don't I?

Absolutely.

You want for nothing,
don't you?

Yes, Earl, I want for nothing.

I mean, your pies ain't bad.

But what's so important
about that when you got me
to take care of?

That's a good point, Earl.

(chuckles)

(snoring)

(crickets chirping)

(door creaks)

(woman singing
aria in Italian)

(door creaks open)

WOMAN:
Jenna Hunterson.

(knocking at door)

MAN:
Hello, Mrs. Bunterson.

Hunterson.

Who are you?

I'm your doctor.

Oh, wow, you brought me a pie.

How nice.
You know what?

I've only been here a few weeks,
but already I am genuinely

impressed with
the hospitality
of this place.

You're not my doctor.

Lily Mueller is
my doctor.

This pie is for her.

It's Marshmallow Mermaid,
her favorite.

Well, she's
semiretired now.

Just sort of happened this
morning. She kind of quit.

We didn't have time
to call anybody.

But Dr. Mueller delivered me.

I mean,
she's been my doctor forever.

I really liked and trusted her.

Maybe you could really like
and trust me, too?

I've never even seen you before.

Yeah, I just
got hired.

Long story, making it short,
this is still

Dr. Mueller's practice, I'm
the junior doctor on staff.

Um, just moved here from
Connecticut two weeks ago.

Dr. Mueller had a class
over the summer

and I was a student of hers,
and is this story boring you?

No... yes.

Sorry, anyway,

it's nice to meet you.

What's your name again?

I'm Dr. Jim Pomatter.

Okay.

And you are?
Jenna Hunterson.

Jenna Hunterson.
It is nice to meet you.

So... What seems
to be the problem?

Well, I seem to be pregnant.

Good.

Good for you.
Congratulations.

Thanks, but I don't
want this baby.

Oh, well,
we don't perform... uh...

No, I'm keeping it,

I'm just telling you I'm
not so happy about it,

like everybody else might be.

So maybe you can be sensitive
and not congratulate me

and make a big deal
every time you see me.

I'm having the baby,
and that's that.

It's not a party, though.

Got it, okay, not a party.

Uh, well, then,
why don't we, um...

we'll have to do a blood test,

make sure you're
pregnant and then we'll check

for diseases, hormone
levels, stuff like that?

Sounds like a plan.

Okay, well, the nurse
will be right in.

Um... don't go anywhere.

(door closes)

Nowhere to go.

(knocking at door)

Come in.

Hi, Jenna, have a seat.

Okay, I'm going to give
you this pie now, Dr. Pomatter.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much.
Look at that.

You know what? Just push-push
all of those off onto the floor.

Go ahead, push them off.
That's fine. Just...

I'll get to
those later.

(sighs)

Well, un-congratulations--
you're definitely having a baby.

Un-thank you.

So for the next eight months,
if you need me, I'm here.

If you have any questions,
just give a call.

We'll be doing some tests.

All of which I'll tell you
about before they happen.

And I'm going to give you

a prescription for,
uh, prenatal vitamins.

And do you have any,
uh, questions for me?

What kind of questions?

I don't know. Concerns
about your pregnancy?

Do's and don'ts?

Anything you're wondering about?

Exercise, sex...

I don't really
do much

of either of those things, so...

Okay, any diet concerns?

Not really. I mean,
just eat healthy, right?

Eat healthy, um, avoid certain
cheeses, certain fish...

The receptionist,
she can give you a
list of good and bad

foods for your pregnancy,
general do's and don'ts.

Okay.

And here is
your prescription.

I'll just... sorry.

And, uh, it was very nice
to meet you, Jenna.

And I'll want to see you again

in about three weeks.
Okay.

Okay.
(banging thud)

I do have one question.

Shoot.

How pregnant am I, exactly?

Very pregnant.

There's really only one degree
of pregnancy, so to speak.

No, I mean, uh,
how far along am I?

Uh, about six weeks,

give or take.

Yeah, that was Earl getting me
drunk that night, all right.

(country music plays)

CAL:
You're late.

By six minutes. I'm sorry.
The bus was late.

Why doesn't your damn husband
buy you a car already?

'Cause he don't want
me goin' nowhere.

And you, late again.

You are inches away
from being fired, missy.

Oh, just try firing me,
you old bucket of cheese.

Who you calling a bucket
of cheese, you heifer?

Now get to work before
I fire your ass.

Calm down, you
psychotic ape.

(door opening)

Hey, what are you doing?
Close the door!

How's the doc?

Fine, it was fine.

New doctor, a man.

A man, wow.

Is he single?
Maybe he's good for Dawn.

No, I think he was
wearing a ring.

Weird guy, nervous.

From Connecticut.

Hey, honey, could you do
me a favor?

What?

Old Joe just came in
and sat in my station.

Could you take him?
I can't deal with him today.

You're better with him
than I am.

Yeah, sure, I'll take him.

Thanks, hon, you're a trooper.

Oh.

What? What's wrong?

You okay? You going
to be sick?

I'm okay.
(moans gently)

Just nauseous for
a second.

(knocking at door)

CAL:
Hurry up, let's
get to work!

(country music plays)

(patrons conversing
indistinctly)

Hi, Joe.

How you doing
today, my friend?

What can I get you?

This is my pie diner.

I own it.

I know you do, Joe.

And I think it's warm in here.
I know I'm warm.

I'll tell Cal, hon.

They keep all my businesses
too warm on the inside.

My gas station, my supermarket,
my Laundromat...

But this is my favorite
business.

Joe's Pie Shop.

I'm Joe.

And I will not tolerate it being

too damn warm in here.

I hear you, Joe.

Turn the air on.

Yes, sirree, bub.

Okay.

I want two glasses
of water, no ice.

Two glasses, no problem.

Two glasses.
Right.

No ice.

And I want the "Bad Baby Quiche
Pie" with tomato on the side,

on its own plate.

No potatoes with that?

Did I say anything
about potatoes?

Where'd you get potatoes from?

No potatoes, tomato.

On its own plate.

Salt and pepper.

That everything?

No.

I want orange juice.

But don't bring that first.

Bring the water first.

Bring the orange juice
with the meal.

Okay, listen to my horoscope
before you skedaddle away.

"Aquarius...

Smooth sailing today as Mars
enters your inner circle."

Whatever the hell
that means.

"The ones you love will listen
carefully to you today,

just make sure you're careful
with what you say."

Hmm.
I don't have ones I love.

Want to hear yours?

Uh, I'm Aquarius, too, hon.

I don't have ones
I love either.

Just ones I live with.

Excuse me, I feel like

I'm going to be sick.

(toilet flushes)

(sighs)

(tap running)

You okay, sweetie?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Good. Listen, um, I have
a five-minute blind date tonight

with an insurance
salesman named Pete.

Five foot 10, 37,
all his hair, nice picture,

loves fishing.
Five-minute date?

Can't the guy pay for
the whole thing?

Yeah, see, um, I have this idea.

I'm meeting men through
personal ads,

but I just give them
five minutes.

Whether or not we
like each other,

we just have five
minutes together.
Huh.

That way, you know, if
the guy makes me sick,

I don't waste
a whole evening.
Anyway, I'm supposed

to meet this guy at
7:00 at Banshee's.

I was wondering if you would
do a full makeup for me

here in the bathroom,
before I leave?

A full makeup for
five minutes?

Well, yeah, it's very important
to make a good first impression.

I mean, wh-what if he's
Prince Charming?

There is no such thing.

Whatever.

Will you do that for me?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, would you also make me

your "Falling In Love
Chocolate Mousse Pie"?

That is my favorite pie.

What the heck, I'll do
it during my break, okay?

You are the queen

of kindness
and goodness.

(bluesy music playing)

(patrons conversing
indistinctly)

You with child?

Shh, quiet.

I've seen that look on
a woman's face before.

Name was Annette.

I made sweet love to her all
through the summer

of 1948.

She got that sick look

on her face like you had
all through the fall.

I almost married her right up.

She lost the baby, though.

Close call.

When you due?

Shh, Joe...

Don't want Cal to hear.
You can't lose my job.

I'm trying to save money
so I can leave my husband.

Why, what's wrong with him?

Hey, there's no salt and pepper

on the table. I asked
for salt and pepper

and no ice in my juice glass.

Can't you get nothing
I say right?
I'll go get

your salt and pepper and juice
with no ice.

But you got to promise me

you'll keep your mouth shut
about this baby.

What baby?

Good man.

BECKY:
Honey, Earl's
on the phone.

Tell him I'm busy.
You don't talk to him,

he might come over here
and cause a scene again.

Yeah, okay.

Can I ask you
a question?

Is it my imagination,

or is my left one drooping
down even more today?

I'm starting to feel
like something Picasso
would have made.

Do me a favor, hon,
get Old Joe some O.J.--

no ice-- or he'll
bite your head off.

And some salt and pepper.
You got it.

Hello, Earl.

Good, good.

No, I-I am glad you called.

You picking me up tonight?

No, that's fine, I'll ask
Becky to give me a ride.

Yes, I know you work hard.

Earl, I've got to get back.

We're busy here today.

Okay.

Bye.

I love you, too.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Mm.

"Falling In Love Pie."

BECKY:
Oh, pretty
outfit, Dawn.

Thank you.

It's a little tight
in the butt, I fear.

Oh, no worries.
Men like a little meat
back there, don't they, Jenna?

I have no idea
what men like.

Speaking of
more meat,

does Earl have any clue at all
that you're pregnant?

No, he don't notice, and
I'm never going to tell him.

I'm just going
to run away.

Wow.

How much money
you got saved?

Not much, $1,200

and I can save
another couple hundred

before the Jonesville
Bake-Off.

How much is that
prize money?

$25,000, hon.

Wow. What pie you
going to bake?

I'm not sure.

I was thinking I'd make one
of my real unusual ones,

like my mama used to make.

One where you wouldn't think
the ingredients

would all go together,
but they do.

Huh.

Dawn, you're beautiful.

Your skin looks like
a normal person's.

Thank you.

I know what you should do

with that prize money, Jenna.

You should open
your own pie shop.

Oh, yeah.

You should have your own little
pie shop somewhere.

Somewhere where they could
really use a little pie shop,

like Europe or New Jersey.

Wow, my own pie shop.

Jenna's Pie Palace.

Jenna's Pastry Heaven.

Okay, back to reality
for a minute.

Hey, can you give me
a ride home, Becky?

Earl don't want
to pick me up tonight.

No, take the bus.

I can't drive you.
I've got somewhere to go.

Oh, where you going?

I can't tell you that.

What?
What?

Yet! I can't tell you

that yet.

Why not?

Got to go!

You have fun on
your five-minute date.

Use a five-minute condom.

Hey, wait
a minute.
Bye.

Hey!

(wry chuckle)

(door closes)

(sighs)

Well, whatever it is,
I hope it's good.

Go look at yourself, hon.

This guy's not going
to know what hit him.

(giggles)

Go on.

Oh!

Look what you did.

You made me almost pretty.

What do you mean
"almost pretty"?

You're lovely.

Look at yourself.

Oh...

Hey, sweetie?
Hmm?

You think you can drop me
off at the bus stop
on your way to Banshee's?

Yeah.

(dreamy lullaby plays)

"Baby Screaming Its Head Off

in the Middle of the Night
and Ruining My Life Pie."

New York-style cheesecake,
brandy brushed,

with pecans and nutmeg.

Hello.

Jenna?

What?

Hi. Dr. Pomatter.

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

Oh, my car wouldn't
start this morning--

God knows why.

Got to take the bus home.

Where do you live?

Uh, Stanton Grove.

Oh, it's nice over there.

Yeah, yeah, it's nice.

If you like trees, which, you
know, who doesn't like trees?

It's a long walk.

Do you mind if I sit down?

Not at all.

Thanks.

So you're a waitress.

I'm a waitress.

Where do you work?

Uh, a little diner
off Highway 27.

Joe's Pie Diner.

Oh, wow.

Sounds like a veritable
factory of pie.

(chuckles)

I've never been there.
Is it... is it...
is it good?

Yes, it's very good.

We make all the pies
there fresh.

Breakfast pies, dinner pies,
27 different varieties of pie.

And a new one that
I create every day.

I was just inventing a new one
in my head when you walked up.

Did you make that marshmallow
pie that you brought me?

Yes, I did.
"Marshmallow Mermaid Pie."

I invented it when I
was nine years old,

in my mermaid phase.

That was probably the best pie
I've ever tasted in my life.

That pie,
it was...

that pie was biblically good,
that's how good it was.

That pie could win pie contests

and ribbons and things.
It was...

Thank you.

Yeah.

You know, there was a pie diner
right near where I grew up.

And I used to go there every day
after school.

I had a mad crush on this
waitress named Beatrice.

She looked tragically cute

in her uniform,

and years later, I was doing my
residency and she came in

with an emergency ovarian cyst.

I actually treated her.

Wow.

That must have been
something for you.

Well, she was at least
50 years old by then.

Life does funny kind
of things sometimes.

Yes, it does.

Yes, it does.

You want to hear something
else kind of funny?

When I saw you sitting here
alone in your uniform,

I... I had a flashback.

You made me think of her.

You kind of remind me
of her

when she was younger.

Wow. What a thing to say.

Yeah, sorry,
it was a compliment.

No, I know.

That's why it made me
uncomfortable.

You're blushing.

Sorry, I shouldn't
have said that.

No, it was a nice thing
to hear. I...

Nobody ever notices me
in that way.

Well, somebody
noticed you that way--

otherwise you wouldn't be in
the condition you're in.

Oh, him?
Yeah.

He don't count.
He's just my husband.

I'm kidding. Of course he
counts. He's my husband.

(chuckles)
Oh!

Oh, here's the bus.

Call me whenever
you need me, Jenna.

I'm here for all your
questions and concerns.

(rock music plays)

Please?

Please?

Please?

Please?

Come on, honey.

I-I feel sick in my stomach.

You know, it's
been over a month.

I feel about as sexy
as a tree stump.

You ain't never
been sexier.

Am I imagining it, or are
your boobies getting bigger?

Like they grew a size
practically overnight.

That's crazy, Earl.

I got to be with you
or I'm going to die.

Come on, baby,
kiss me back.

Move up, baby.
Come on, honey.

Say something
sexy to me.

What do you want me to say?

(groaning)

(sighing)

(sighs)

That was...
That was great.

That was great, baby.
Mmm...

Wasn't it?

Yes, absolutely wonderful.

(yawning)

(country-pop playing)

♪ We'll meet at 3:00
by the sea ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ Flow ♪

♪ We'll nervously shoot
the breeze ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ Flow ♪

♪ We both got
nowhere to be ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ Flow ♪

♪ You make my heart
skip a beat ♪

♪ Let it flow ♪

♪ Flow ♪

♪ It's like lovin'
when she smiles ♪

♪ Tastes just like
pumpkin pie ♪

♪ And the storm clouds
will fill the sky... ♪

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.
I don't want you as my waitress.

I want her, Dawn.

That lady right there.

(mouthing)

Oh, well, I'm sorry, honey,

but you're sitting
in my station.

All the tables in Dawn's
station are taken.

No, but I don't want you.
I want her.

Well, if you want to eat
in this diner,

you got to sit here,
and I've got to wait on you.
She a good friend of yours?

What can you tell me about her?
What's she...

What are her likes and dislikes?
What does she look for in a man?
Uh, honey,

I'm just here to bring you pie
or coffee or something
like that.

I don't dispense romantic
advice.

What if I paid you?

Excuse me, I'm
going to go

talk to Dawn for a minute,
see if she won't

come deal with
you herself.
Oh, that'd be wonderful.

♪ She tastes just
like pumpkin pie ♪

♪ The storm clouds they fill the
sky, and I've arrived... ♪

(groaning)

You've got to help me.
What is going on?

That guy, his name is Ogie,

short for Oklahoma.

I was supposed to
meet someone named
Pete last night.

Instead, he sent Ogie.

It was the worst five
minutes in my life.

I made the mistake of
telling him I work here.

JENNA:
How could a five-minute
date be that bad?

He took me through
the entire medical

and psychiatric
history of his family.

Oh, no.

And he told me he
wants to marry me.

Oh, no!
Marry me!

And he's not giving
up, not ever giving up,
that's what he said.

First guy that pays any
attention to me in years,

and he turns out to be
the mad stalking elf.

I'm telling you, Jenna, your
makeup job was too good,

and your "Magic Love Pie..."?

I'm sorry.

What am I
supposed to do?
You go over there

and you tell him you're not
interested.

I told him
that last night.
Tell him better.

Come with me.
I can't. I've got
to go throw up.

Fine, I'll just
go over there myself.

I'm a very persistent
man, Dawn.

I know what I want.
I know what makes me happy.

Blah, blah, blah.

I'm a tax auditor.

I make $31,000
a year plus bonuses.

I drive a very
nice compact car.

I eat at all the
best restaurants

within a 50-mile radius.

I love my mother.

What else do you need
to know about me?

How to make you go away.
You can't.

You can't make me go away.

'Cause I don't take
no for an answer.

I'll just keep coming
back and coming back

till finally
your resistance is weakened.

'Cause we were meant
to be together, Dawn.

You don't know me!

Oh, yes, I do.

You're Dawn.

And you inspire poetry in me.

Here's one I'm making up
right here on the spot.

"Dawn, can I bring you joy

"like you brung
me sunshine?

Can I hold you a minute
and it turns into forever?"

Do you like that one?
No!

Okay, how about a spontaneous
tidbit that rhymes?

"All my life
I've met harlots,

"but you are a queen...

da, da, da, da, da, da, da...
something between..."

I... I got to work on that one.

Leave me alone.

I can't leave you alone...

'cause I'm in love
with you, Dawn.

And you're going to be my wife.

Listen to me.

You make me sick!

I think you're nothing
but a crazy little freak,

and I wish you would
go away and die!

(gasping)

(sobbing)

(mutters)

I... I...

(sobbing)

Oh, I'm sorry, hon.

Jenna.

You're always
on the phone.

Sorry, this is important.

Yeah, what's so important?

Can I please have
some privacy?

Hi, uh, is Dr. Pomatter there?

This is, um, Jenna Hunterson.
I'm his patient.

(humming tune)

Hi, Dr. Pomatter.

It's Jenna Hunterson.

Um, listen, I'm sure
it's nothing,

but you said to call
if I had any concerns.

And this morning, um, I'm
bleeding a little bit.

No, no, it's very, very light,
like spotting.

Come in to see you?

Okay, uh... tomorrow morning?

You in at 7:00?

Oh, okay, then.

Glad you're open so early
so I won't be late for work.

Thanks.

See you then.

Who are you seeing
at 7:00 tomorrow?

Not telling you, 'cause
you don't tell me your
secrets neither.

Oh, so this is a secret.

No, I'm just going
to see the doctor.

There, that's
my big secret.
What's yours?

Can't say.
Not yet.

Why the hell not?
Well... (gasps)

Hey!
Hey!

Don't you
have customers?

How come you can't never say
one nice thing ever

like, "How are you, Jenna?"

or "Nice to see you
today, Jenna"

or "Great apple pie today,
Jenna"?

All you ever say is stuff like,
"Don't you have customers?

Get out of the kitchen.
Get back to work."
Don't you have customers?

Get out of the kitchen.
Get back to work.

♪ ♪

(doorbell rings)

Hello, Jenna.

Hello.

Here. I brought you
some "Peachy Keen" tarts.

Wow, thanks.

You're welcome.

Where's everybody else?
Uh, I came in
a little early

to see you.
Nobody else is here.

Oh.

That's why I'm opening the door
for you.

I see.
So come in.

Now, you say the bleeding
was very mild?

Yeah.

And has it stopped?

Yeah, I only saw it
the one time.

Okay, good.

Well, you can
get dressed now

and, uh, meet me in my office
when you're ready.

You, you're not going
to examine me?

No, no need. No.

Just get dressed
and we'll talk.

Okay.

(door closes)

Hi.

Hi. Come on in. Sit down.

Oh, my God.

(chuckles)

Mm.

Well, am I okay? I mean, is
something wrong with me?

No.

Mm!

No, there's nothing wrong
with you.

Uh, light spotting
is a perfectly normal symptom

in early pregnancy.

Were you concerned
about a miscarriage?

Not really.

Is that everything
you have to say?

Um...

yes.

No.
Well, what?

I...

Nothing.

Um, you can go now.
Uh... I'll see you

at your next regularly scheduled
appointment, and again, don't

hesitate to call...
To call you if I have
any questions or concerns.

Exactly.

Why'd you have me come
all the way in here

if spotting's a perfectly normal
symptom

in early pregnancy?

I mean, I had to get up early,
take a bus, walk five blocks,

just to hear that spotting
is a perfectly normal symptom?

I have no response to that.

And what time does this office
normally open, Doctor, 8:30?

9:00.

9:00?

So-So you came in here two hours
early just to tell me

that spotting is a perfectly
normal symptom?

Well, it would
seem that way, yes.

Good-bye, Dr. Pomatter.

Good-bye, Jenna.

I think you're strange.

I'm not sure I want you
to be my doctor anymore.

You make me uncomfortable.

I'm sorry, Jenna.
I'm really sorry.

Whatever it is I do,
I will not do it anymore.

You should not be uncomfortable
at this time.

You're doing it again.
How? What did I...?

I don't know, you know, that
nice-guy-talky thing you do.

You just... Oh, forget it.

Damn! My purse!

You forgot your pur...

(gasps)

Hey!

Don't walk away
from me.

Well, what do you want?

I want to see
you again.

I want to talk
to you somewhere
outside of here.

Maybe we could have
a coffee or something.

I can't have coffee.
It's on the bad food
list you gave me.

What kind of doctor
are you?
Well, you don't have
to have coffee.

You could have water
or fruit juice.

That's a bad idea.

I'm married. You're married.

I'm pregnant.

You're my doctor.
Uh...

You're right, it's crazy.
It's unethical

on my part. I...

(choir chanting
over classical orchestration)

Wait!

No kissing in the street.

I have a very jealous husband.

He'd kill you

if he ever saw us.
He don't like when other men

even look at me.
Is he large?

He's large enough,
and he drives

right past here
on the way to work.
Well, maybe we

shouldn't be standing
in the street then.

I've got to go
make pies.

It'll take me time to walk
the five blocks,

wait for the bus.
I don't want to be late.

Cal gets mad
when I'm late.
Let me drive you.

No. Yes.

Please.

Well, thank you for the tarts.

They were
unbelievably
delicious.

"Delicious" is not even

a good enough word
for what they are. They...

I mean, what you do
with food is...

unearthly.
It's sensual.

Does anybody
else appreciate...?

You're welcome.

So, um...

Do we...? I mean, what do we...?

Dr. Pomatter, I'll call you
Can I...

if I have any questions
or concerns.

(engine starts)

(dreamy lullaby plays)

"Earl Murders Me 'Cause I'm
Having an Affair Pie."

You smash blackberries
and raspberries

into a chocolate crust.

"I Can't Have No Affair
Because It's Wrong

And I Don't Want Earl
To Kill Me Pie."

Vanilla custard with banana.

Hold the banana.

Don't you have no home?

Excuse me. What?

I'm wondering if you have
to sleep outside my diner,

'cause maybe
you don't have no home.

I have a home.

Right,

and a bad husband, I remember.

You got lipstick
all over your face.

What?

Your lipstick
is all smudged,

like someone gave you
a good one.

I'm going inside now.

Once you're done wiping away
all your indiscretions,

I'll be sitting in my booth

wanting fresh-squeezed
orange juice, no ice,

and a "Spanish Dancer Pie"

with potato crust.

(sighs)

Here you go.

"Dear Elizabeth..."
Do you know this column?

It's for the
lonely hearts.

"Dear Elizabeth.

"My husband fell in love
with another woman

"from his workplace.

"I want to kill myself.

(laughing)

"I want to write

"the perfect suicide note

"that would let him know just
how much pain he has caused me.

(laughing)

"I'm wondering if you can
dispense any advice

"on composing
a suicide note

"that would harm
my snake of a husband

"and his slut
girlfriend
the most.

Yours truly--
Betrayed in Biloxi."

(chuckling)

Elizabeth just gives her
some nonsense

about not killing herself.

I love living vicariously

through the pain and suffering
of others.

I don't believe for one second
you're as mean as you play.

You tip me better
than anyone.

Oh, what do you know?

Bring me more water
for this empty glass.

Mm-hmm.

(Wagner's "Ride of the
Valkyries" plays)

BOY:
No!

WOMAN:
No. No.

Mommy!

What did I say?

No.

All right,
now stop it,
sugar, please?

Okay, you can have
chocolate milk, okay?
(screams)

I'm sorry. You can have
as much chocolate
milk as you want.

(laughs)

Okay, all right,
you little...

Okay.

Jenna, come on.

Listen, you can have
chocolate milk, okay?

Here, darling,
we bought you something,

a present.

That's sweet.
You shouldn't have.

Open it.

Okay.

Oh, it's a book.

What a Mama
You're Going to Be.

Oh, look at that.

We know you didn't initially
have a strong happiness

about this whole baby thing,

but she is coming
anyway.

We don't know it's a she.

We figured we'd give you
something

that every woman
is supposed to read.

And every woman
is supposed to read
something like that...

we think.

Well, thanks.

You best read
and absorb it.
Hey, you know,

I was thinking. Have you ever
heard about those people

who sell their babies
for lots of money

through,
like, lawyers and stuff?

Jenna, you can't sell your baby.
That's a horrible thought.

I was just thinking,

if I did, I might
make enough money

to finally get away from Earl.

I mean, at this point, the baby
is the only real financial asset

I have if I don't win
that pie contest.

I am going to pretend
that you are not saying this.

Not everybody wants
to be a mama, Dawn.

That don't make me
a bad person.

You're not getting
any more affectionate

towards that little baby?

Not at all?

I respect this baby's right
to thrive.

I do nothing harmful to it.

I don't drink,
I watch my diet, but no.

I feel nothing
like affection.

Maybe that man
smothered all the
affection out of me.

I don't know.

Well, I got
to get back to work.

Yeah, uh, breakfast crowd's
heating up.

Yeah.

Hey, thanks
for the book.

All right.

Jenna, there's all these
cool things to do in here.

Um, there's a little scrapbook
section in the back,

where you can put pictures
of your pregnant belly
as it develops.

Oh, and there's a place where
you can write your first letter
to your baby.

Oh.
Right here.

Right in the middle.

Okay, Dawn, thanks.

First Letter To My Baby.

First letter.

OLD JOE:
Where's my water?

Dear baby...

Dear baby,

if I was writing you a letter,

it would probably sound
something like an apology.

I know everyone deserves a mama

who'd want a nice baby
such as yourself--

who was also a good wife,
a fine member of society.

And I can't rightly say
that I'm any of that,

and I'm not sure the world
is such a fine place

to be bringing you.

Many of the people I've met
are not worth meeting.

Many of the things that happen
are not worth living through.

And you shouldn't take it
personal, baby,

if I don't seem like all the
other mamas-to-be,

jumping all over themselves
with joy.

I frankly don't know
what I got to give you, baby.

What if I leave Earl and don't
win that contest next week

and don't have no money?

What the hell am I going to do
with you then?

(Earl groans)

You sure is getting
fat, baby.

(chuckles)

All my life, baby,

the only thing I ever want
to do is run away.

What kind of mama is that?

I wish I could feel other
things, baby.

Like excitement
that you're with me now

or faith
that I'll be a good mama,

even if my life
ain't such a good place

and the world as I see it
ain't so pretty

like they'd have you believe
in this book.

Anyway, I'm writing
this letter to you.

It sounds more like a letter
to me, don't it?

Love, Mama.

(horn honking)

Where you going, Jenna?

Nowhere, Earl.

I-I mean, to work.

Then why you got a suitcase?

(groans)

Earl!

Shut up and get in the car.
(sobbing)

(sniffling)

Pie-baking
contest, huh?

Yeah, I was just going
to go up there and win
and surprise you.

No, you're lying.

You ain't never gone to
a contest before in your life.

You're lying to me.

Earl, don't...

Why you lying to me?

I'm pregnant!

(tires squealing)

When was you going to tell me?

After I won the pie contest.

Well, you ain't going
to no pie contest.

You know what?
You ain't going nowhere.

Here's the thing, wife--

What if you decide to love
the baby more than you love me?

Women do it
all the time.

They have a baby and then
it's to hell with the man.

You're jealous of the baby?

No, I don't get jealous.

It's below me.

I'm just talking it out.

I'm talking my feelings out.

And I know how
women get.

And I'm just not sure I want
that happening.

I'd tell you to
get rid of it,

but I want you
in the same place

as me in the hereafter,
if you know what I mean.

Maybe if you promise me

that you wouldn't love the baby
more than you love me.

You know?

That you'd make
a real effort to love me more.

If I need something,

you'd keep taking care of it.

You'd hold on to me more.

I come first-- not any baby.

Well, can you make
Early that promise?

Absolutely.

Then say "I promise."

I promise.

Say "I promise I will not love
the baby

more than I love you, Early."

I promise I will not love
the baby

more than I love you, Early.

How about that?

We're going to have
ourselves a baby.

A baby boy.

I bet it happened that night
I got you all drunk.

(chuckles)

Where you going?

Gotta throw up.

(woman singing Italian aria)

WOMAN:
Mrs. Hunterson, the
doctor will see you now.

(door closes)

Hi there.
I'm Nurse Norma.

I'll be helping Dr. Pomatter

with your ultrasound
examination today.

You have any questions?

This is where we look at
the baby's heartbeat?

Yes, among other things.

You nervous?

No. Do I seem nervous?

Yes, you do.

That's normal.

Everybody's nervous before
their first ultrasound.

I'm not nervous, though.

Okay, you're not nervous.

(knock at door)

Come in. I'm dressed.

Hello, Doctor.

Hello, Mrs. Hunterson.

How have you been feeling?

Fine.

No problems?

Nope.

You had no questions or concerns
this past month.

No, I certainly did not.

Okay, well, lie back.

Uh, Norma, would you get
the lights for me?

All right,
this isn't going to hurt at all.

It's just going
to be a little cold.

(rubber gloves snapping)

Here we go.

All right.

Okay, just a little pressure.

Now what are
we looking at?

Ah, there we are.

We are definitely
having a baby.

You want to see?

I guess.

Just look at
the screen.

There.

Everything looks great.

You see that little...
that flickering

right there
in the middle of the screen?

Yeah.

Right there.

That's the heartbeat.

Congratulations, Mrs. Hunterson.
Glory be. Hallelujah.

Uh, Mrs. Hunterson
doesn't really like
to be congratulated.

Oh, sorry.

Huh.

Don't really look like
much at this point.

Certainly don't look
like no baby yet.

Well...

Ah, thank you, Norma.
That's all we need you for.

All done here.

(door opens)

Well, there you have it.

Yeah.

So I guess we are officially
forgetting about that nonsense

that happened last month?

Yes, we officially are.

I want to apologize for it.

I almost called you
just to apologize.

I mean, I was so
stressed out at the time,

taking on all
those new patients.

I hadn't been sleeping well.

My judgment was not
what it normally is.

I want you to know
that'll never happen again.

From now on our relationship

will be strictly a medical
and professional one.

(clattering)

Jenna, no.

Not with the door open.

(choir chanting
over classical orchestration)

JENNA:
Dear baby.

P.S. I'd want to be able to
teach a baby such as yourself

the difference between good
and bad, right and wrong...

(knocking at door)

...but it seems I'm not fit
to teach nobody nothing.

NORMA:
Dr. Pomatter,
you still in there?

You got a phone call.

I'll be right
out, Norma.

Mrs. Hunterson needs
to be weighed.
Would you take care of that?

And you can get dressed.
I'll see you in my office
in a few minutes.

Don't do that again.

Okay, what? Okay, I won't.

Kiss you, you mean?

No, not that.
I didn't mean that.

I mean don't go away for
a full month and not call.

No questions or concerns.

Don't do that.

This is craziness, Dr. Pomatter.

Please, call me Jim.

No, I won't.

Okay, don't.
Just Dr. Pomatter's fine.

Dr. Pomatter, this is so...

I don't want to have another
conversation

about how crazy this is

or how sorry I am,
or how bad

my judgment is, or how I'll
never touch you again.

Not only would I be lying, but
every time I start saying

those things, all that happens
is you attack me.

You're right.
Have you been taking your

prenatal vitamins
every day?
Faithfully.

Any bad morning sickness?

Not too bad, no.
No more spotting?

No more spotting.
Good, I'm going
to want to see

you again on Friday
for another appointment.

Do you have time in the
afternoon?

Do you get a lunch break?

Yeah, but I'll have to ask Becky
to drive me.

Ask Becky to drive you.
Noon.

Tell the nurse at the
desk on your way out
that you want to be fit in.

I have to go to St. Mary's now
and deliver a baby.

Because that's what I do.

Okay.

Are we on the same page now?

We're on the same page.

Good, then.

(banging desk)

I wish it were Friday.

(funky rock playing)

♪ I want a girl with a mind
like a diamond ♪

♪ I want a girl who
knows what's best ♪

♪ I want a girl with
shoes that cut ♪

♪ And eyes that burn
like cigarettes ♪

♪ I want a girl with
the right allocations ♪

♪ Who is fast and thorough
and sharp as a tack ♪

♪ She's playing
with her jewelry ♪

♪ She's putting up her hair ♪

♪ She's touring the facility
and picking up slack ♪

♪ I want a girl with a short
skirt and long jacket... ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I want a girl
who gets up early ♪

♪ Gets up early ♪

♪ I want a girl
who stays up late ♪

♪ Stays up late ♪

(shouting)
♪ I want a girl with
uninterrupted prosperity ♪

♪ Who uses a machete
to cut through red tape ♪

♪ With fingernails ♪
♪ Hey! ♪

♪ That shine like justice ♪
♪ Ho! ♪

♪ And a voice that is dark ♪
♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Like tinted glass ♪
♪ Ho! ♪

♪ She is fast, thorough ♪
♪ Hey! ♪

♪ And sharp as a tack... ♪
♪ Ho! ♪

JENNA:
Dear baby.

At first, it was really
just about the sex...

♪ I want a girl with a short
skirt and a long... ♪

♪ Long... jacket... ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na,
na-na-na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na,
na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na,
na-na-na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na,
na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na,
na-na-na, na-na-na... ♪

Jenna, the doctor is
ready for you now.

WOMAN:
Hi there.

Oh, Dr. Mueller,

how are you?

I thought you retired.

Semiretired.

I'm just out of retirement
for the day, my dear.

Dr. Pomatter and his wife
had to fly back east

for a funeral
this morning.

Oh, he flew back east
with his wife?

How you feeling?
You doing okay these days?

I'm fine. Just fine. You know,
knocked up and everything.

Yes, I heard.

How's it working out
with Dr. Pomatter?

Oh, he's a great doctor.

Is he coming back soon?

I don't really know.

I think so.

Today we're going to do
some blood work.

It's standard stuff.

Just to see how the
baby's developing.

I don't care.
Do I have to do it?

Yeah, you have to do it.

You may be a little
weak afterwards,

so you should
call your husband

or somebody to come
pick you up.

Yeah, I'll call him.

Is that pumpkin pie for me?

Kind of.

It's just something
I invented.

(whispers):
"Naughty Pumpkin Pie."

(horn honking)

JENNA:
Hey,

you ever going
to tell us your
secret, girl?

Yes, I am, when I'm ready.

DAWN:
I've got a
secret, too.

BECKY:
You, Dawn?

Yes. I have a boyfriend now.

(gasping)
JENNA:
No!

Yes.

Well, who is he?

Tell us
everything, honey.

You're never going to believe
it, but, um... you know

that guy came to the diner
that day, wouldn't leave?

Name was Ogie?

Ogie, the stalking elf?

Yeah, I remember
that guy.

What about him?

Well, it-it's him.

(gasps)

Well, that is
wonderful, Dawn!

Isn't it, Jenna?

Yeah, that's wonderful.

How'd that happen?

Well, you know,
he was true to
his word.

He didn't
never give up.

His cousin Pete
gave him my number.

He called
me, like, 30
times in one day.

I thought I might
kill him.

But he got to me.

He did?

Yeah.

Well, he's so passionate.

He writes me
these spontaneous poems.

Spontaneous poems.

Yes, they are poems that just
occur to him right on the spot.

Last night he said
to me,

"Dawn, your face is a brilliant
moon in my empty room."

Aw...

"Your love is
like a beating drum,

ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum."

Hmm.

And yeah, I know what you're
thinking, that he's not...

so pretty... but

he grows on you.

And anyway, he's it,
'cause nobody else wants me.

Well, honey, you probably
shouldn't be with someone

just 'cause nobody
else wants you.

Yeah, well, you are.

And you wouldn't
know it

to look at him,
but he is a sexual dynamo.

Wow.

No, you wouldn't know it.

JENNA:
Well, Dawn,

I sure hope it's
making you happy.

You don't mean that.

Yes, I do.

Nope.

I know what you're thinking,
'cause you called him an elf.

Only 'cause you initially
called him an elf.

You're jealous.
No!

You are.

Because you have the most mean,
controlling husband

in the world,
and you are stuck there!

But I have found someone
who loves me to death!

Well, let's hope
not to death.

And I am happy!

Good.

When the fruit pies go in,
would you put this one in
with that one?

I'm going to go and clean up
now and set up my station.

We'll see you out there!

Don't say nothing.

I wasn't gonna.

I'm not in no position
to judge nobody.

Neither are you.

I hope I didn't hurt her
feelings too bad.

She'll be fine.

Hey, is Cal
inside yet?
Yeah, I saw him.

Think it's time for me
to tell him about the baby.

You got the oven
under control?

I do.
Wish me luck.

Wishing you luck, honey.

Well, uh...

What?

It seems I'm almost
five months pregnant.

Yeah, so?

So I just thought
I should tell you.

I already knew.

You did?

Yeah, I thought
everybody knew.

Oh, who told you?

Nobody told me.
Nobody needs to tell me.

I mean, look at you.

What'd you think?

I thought you went
and got fat?

Truth be told,
as long as you
can carry a tray

and fill a pie tin,

I don't care if
you give birth
while doing it.

Well, I'm relieved.

I'm not such a
bad guy, maybe.

You're not such
a bad guy, maybe.

Well, get out there
and get to work, Jenna.

Come on. We ain't
got all day.

I'll get to work.

(bluesy music plays)

♪ Don't make me beg
on my bended knees... ♪

How you doing today, Joe?

Same bastard as yesterday,
Jenna.

How are you?

Same train wreck.

And how's the baby doing so far?

So far so good, no problems,
no birth defects,

no diseases, whatever.

Good, good.

How's the bad husband?

Just awful.

And the lipstick smudger?

The lipstick smudger?

The dog on the side.

The affair.

(whispers): Shh, Joe,
I'm not having no affair.

Okay, you're not having
no affair.

Want to hear your horoscope
before I give you my order?

No.

Too bad, here it is.

"Aquarius.

"If, indeed, you're having
an affair,

"it might be a good time
to step back,

"look at your life

and reassess things
a bit."

It don't say that in there.

Yes, it does.

It says, "Even if you have a
miserable, snake husband,

"you probably shouldn't be
having no affair,

"'cause it's beneath you

"and could make you seem
like a common hussy.

"Not to mention the pain

you could cause
other people."

You're just making that up.

This afternoon I want the
"Singing Tuna Fish Casserole"

no pickle on the plate.

Well-done Frenchie fries

with melted Swiss cheese
and gravy on their own plate,

and "Jenna's
Special Strawberry

Chocolate Oasis Pie."
You got that?

I got that.

Give me a smile, Jenna.

Nobody makes strawberry
chocolate pie the way you do.

Wednesday's my favorite day
of the week,

'cause I get
to have a slice of it.

I think about it
as I'm waking up.

Could solve all the problems
with the world, that pie.

You're making
too much of it.

It's just a pie.

Just a pie?

It's downright expert.

A thing of beauty.

How each flavor opens itself,
one by one,

like a chapter in a book.

First the flavor
of an exotic spice hits you,

just a hint of it.

And then you're flooded with
chocolate, dark and bittersweet,

like an old love affair.

And finally, strawberry;

the way strawberry was always
supposed to taste,

but never knew how.

In fact,

I tell you what.

Forget all the other stuff
I ordered.

Just bring me the damn pie.

That's all I want.

I don't care if it's not

a well-balanced meal.

Just bring me the pie.

Old Joe'll maybe not have much
longer to live, you know?

Then I better bring you the pie
right away.

Yes'm, you better.

CAL:
I love you!
Oh!

I love your breast.
I love your breast.

I love this breast! Mmm!
I like this breast, too!

Oh!
(shrieks)

Uh, there's my order, Cal,

and I'm going
to need a slice of Oasis.

Gonna go throw up now.

Jenna.

Whoa!
No, Cal!

Jenna!
Hey!

(sighs)

I didn't
plan it, Jenna.

It just happened.

He's got such
nice, strong hands.

Your poor husband.

My poor husband
wears a diaper,

curses constantly
and sleeps in a
separate room.

So why don't you
just divorce him then?

I can't just leave
a sick, crazy, old man.

What kind of person
would do that?

I don't know.
What kind of person
has an affair with Cal,

who's married to Ethel,
who we see all the time?

He says she's awful.

Maybe anyone
you stay married to

for 15 years starts
to seem awful.

But we know Ethel.
She's not awful.

She tells Cal
not to yell at us.

Hey, you're supposed
to be my friend,
not Ethel's.

Having an affair
is a terrible thing to do.

It destroys people's lives,
and I don't want
you messed up with all that.

(knocking at door)

DAWN:
Jenna, there's
this cute guy here

to see you.

He says he's
your doctor.

That's perfect.
Just perfect.

What are you doing here?

You can't just
come here.
I had an hour to kill.

I wanted to see you.

Did you make this pie? It's
bliss. Of course you made it.

I got to get back to work.

When can I see you again?
Dr. Pomatter,

I've been thinking.

I think we need to end this.

No.
Yes.

Why?

Because I feel like
a bad person,

and I can't live with that.
Jenna...

No, don't say anything.

Don't get all nervous and sweet.

Don't talk me out of it.

Just, please, finish your pie
and go. Please.

I'm sorry.

(country music playing low)

(humming melody)

Last piece.

Sold out even faster
than usual today.

Good on us.

Thanks.

Cal...

Yeah?

Are you happy?

I mean, would you call yourself
a happy man?

Well, if you're asking me a
serious question, I'll tell you.

I'm happy enough.

I don't expect much, give much,
I don't get much.

I generally enjoy
whatever comes up.

That's my truth, summed up
for your feminine judgment.

I'm happy enough.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

(humming)

OGIE:
Good evening.

Good evening.

I'm just waiting on Dawn.

Hmm.

Taking her to Stanton
for a steak dinner.

Gonna be asking her
to marry me.

Wow.
Yeah.

There you are.

Dawn, if I had a penny for
everything I loved about you,

I would have many pennies.

(gasps): He's-He's making me
a poem right here.

Penny for your teeth,

penny for your nose,
penny for your eyes, penny

for your hair, your navel,
penny for your odor.

A dollar for your heart.

Aw, Ogie, thank you.

That sure is sweet.

You two have a good time,
you hear?

Oh, we will.

Bye.

Where we going?

Waiting for Earl?

Yeah.

Hey, I'm real sorry
for what I said before.

Listen, I love
you no matter
what you do.

Okay.

Okay.

I forgive you.

Good.

Good.

'Cause this
is my little adventure.

Your little adventure?

Yeah.

I'm having me a little adventure

after many years
of lots of nothing.

You love him?

Cal?

I don't know.

But I love it.

I love having someone
to look pretty for.

I love waking up and having
something to look forward to.

Something fun
and sneaky and sexy.

He love you?

He kind of likes me.

He kind of hates me.

It's fun.

It doesn't sound very fun.

He makes me forget

about my invalid husband,
my loneliness,

the dreadful misplacement
of my bosoms.

Becky, I don't know how
to tell you this,

but your bosoms are fine.

There ain't nothing wrong
with them.

It's all in your head.

What are you
talking about?
Are you blind?

This one's way up
here in Maine,

this one's dangling
down here in Florida.

(horn honking)

All right, well, I'll
see you tomorrow, honey.

No, you won't.
Tomorrow's Thursday,
my day off.

Then I'll see
you Friday?

Yeah.

(both chuckle)

All right, bye.

Bye.

Hey, Porky.

Hey.

Why don't you
treat me like a man?

I don't feel like it.

"I don't feel like it."

Well, what makes you think
you have that option, hmm?

Earl.

Stop.

Come on.
Don't tell me to stop.

Hmm, come on.

I feed you.

I pay for this house.

I put clothes on your back.

Come on, just do
what I tell you.

I won't get too mad.

Earl, that hurts, come on.

I love you, baby.

I don't care if you're fat.

You're my sweet thing.

(dog barks in distance)

(engine turns)

(dreamy lullaby plays)

JENNA:
"Pregnant, Miserable,
Self-Pitying Loser Pie."

Lumpy oatmeal with
fruitcake mashed in,

flambé, of course.

(doorbell ringing)

What are you doing here?

I took the whole day off.

I don't know.

I wanted to see you.

You look awful.

Thanks.

I mean, you look sad.

You look really sad.

It's taken you a long time
to notice this,

but, uh... I'm not a happy
woman, Dr. Pomatter.

And I don't want you to save me.

I don't want to save you.

Don't want to be saved.

Can I come in?

No.

Yeah.

So, what now?

I don't know.

I thought maybe you could
teach me how to make a pie.

Seriously?

Seriously.

I could do that, sure.

Come here.

(gentle pop music plays)

♪ You can look at the menu,
but you just can't eat... ♪

Dear baby.

I hope someday, somebody
wants to hold you

for 20 minutes straight,
and that's all they do.

They don't pull away.

They don't look at your face.

They don't try to kiss you.

All they do is wrap you up
in their arms

and hold on tight without an
ounce of selfishness to it.

♪ And she wants you ♪

♪ We want everyone ♪

♪ And you want her ♪
(laughing):
I got it.

♪ And she wants you ♪

♪ No one, no one ♪

♪ No one ever is to blame... ♪

And now the berries.
Berries.

Okay, I'm finished.

I can't let
the chocolate burn.

I love watching you.

Once the chocolate's
all in, you'll pour
the berries on top.

JIM:
I'll pour the berries on top.

Mama used to call this
"The Lonely Chicago Pie."

She made hundreds of
different kinds of pie.

They all have real strange
names, like "Car Radio Pie"

or "Jenna's First Kiss Pie."

Now the berries-- you do it.

Okay.
Mm-hmm.

You know, Mama would keep me in
the kitchen with her,

and teach me everything
she knew about baking.

She'd sing to me so sweetly.

♪ Baby, don't you cry,
gonna make a pie ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie
with a heart in the middle ♪

♪ Baby, don't be blue,
gonna make for you ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie with
a heart in the middle ♪

♪ Gonna be a pie
from heaven above ♪

♪ Gonna be filled
with strawberry love ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry,
gonna make a pie ♪

♪ Hold you forever in
the middle of my heart. ♪

You are so beautiful.

No, I'm not.

You are.

I'm fat.

You're pregnant.

You've got a little baby
growing inside you.

There is nothing
more beautiful.

It's an alien
and a parasite.

It makes me tired and weak.

It complicates my whole life.

I resent it.

I have no idea
how to take care of it.

I'm the anti-mother.

I don't want to talk
about that no more.

I want to know what the
hell you're doing here.

I'm learning how to make
"Lonely Chicago Pie."

No, I mean what you're doing
here, living in this town.

My wife.

She just finished med school and
we came here for her residency.

Are you happy with her?

No, don't answer that.

I'm happy right now.

Being here with you.

That's a good answer.

You make me feel calm.

You make me feel peaceful.

I don't feel that much.

I tend to be neurotic.

And you're so beautiful.

Keep going.

And so sexy.

More, please.

And I could find
the whole meaning of life

in those sad eyes.

Wow.

Dear baby.

Somewhere in the space
between the pie baking

and Earl eating it
later that night,

began the most intimate
conversation of my life.

About my mama,
about how much she loved me,

how sad she'd be to see my life
turned out like this.

About Earl and how he changed
after we married,

became someone I feared.

About how lonely it is to be
a woman so poor and so afraid.

And then I was addicted, baby.

I was addicted
to saying things

and having them matter
to someone.

Mm.

I've never had a real
best friend before,
except for my mama.

You feel like a best friend.

I have something for you.

A present.

A present for me?

Yes, for you.

I hope this is not
some damn baby thing.

No. This is for you.

(phone ringing)
Mm-hmm...

Excuse me.

Hello.

Okay.

Okay.

Yes. No, Mrs. Hesdra,

I think that'll be fine.
No, just keep taking

the painkillers I gave you
a-and stay on the antibiotics.

Oh, my God.

No, no, that's fine.

No, just...

Right. If you have
any more problems,

just call me in two days.

Okay. You're welcome.

Take care.

(hangs up)

Do you like it?

It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

I had it made for you.

It must have cost a fortune.

No, not really.

You shouldn't
have done this.

I can't buy you nothing back.

I don't want you
to buy me anything.

Why'd you give this
to me, Dr. Pomatter?

You know why.

No, I don't.

Because I am falling

head over heels...

(fiddle and banjo playing
"Here Comes the Bride")

(sobbing)

MINISTER:
We're gathered here today

to celebrate the love
between Ogie Anhorn

and Dawn Williams...
to join them together

in holy matrimony for the
rest of their natural lives.

Can I say something?

Sure.

Spontaneous wedding
poetry, right now.

The title is "Yes."

Dawn, every time I look
at you, I think yes,

yes, we're driven
by true love.

Yes, I'm more than
just he who audits.

Yes, I'm poetry and I'm sex,
and I'm living a dream.

I am, from now on,

whoever you need
me to be.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, Ogie.

(applause and cheering)

(up-tempo country music playing)

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Sugar, sugar, sugar ♪

♪ Oh, darlin', darlin',
darlin' ♪

♪ Honey bee bop is on my mind ♪

♪ Honey, bee bop,
sweet, sweet, smile ♪

♪ Honey, bee bop,
look in the eye

♪ Honey, bee bop,
rock-and-roll style ♪

♪ Honey, bee bop,
oh, yeah... ♪

This reminds me
of my third wedding.

Terry Lynn Lemon.

She had big ones.

Joe, that's not a very
respectful thing to say.

I'm just pointing out
her good qualities.

She was nasty.

I'm going to invent

a special pie for you called
"Old Joe's Horny Past Pie."

Have to wait a bit, I'm afraid.

I'm going in the
hospital next week.
Oh.

Liver stuff.

Got to have a piece
of it removed.

Maybe I'll even die.

Don't be stupid.
You won't die.

(pop ballad playing)

If I'd ever met a girl
like you, Jenna,

my whole life could
have been different.

You don't even know
what you are deep inside.

You're not just
some little waitress.

You understand
what I'm saying?

Not at all, no.

I'm saying, my whole
life I spent lost.

If a sign said "go this way,"
I'd go the other way.

Time after time after time.

I turned the wrong corner,
made the wrong choice,

went the wrong way, like
a chicken without a head.

You understand?

You was a chicken
without a head?

Pie lady, listen to me.

This life will kill you.

I'm saying...

make the right choice.

Start fresh.

It's never too late.

Start fresh.

I ain't got no money, Joe.

Who the hell does anymore?

And I'm about to have me a baby.

I know you are, Jenna.

I know you are.

I was just dreaming
a little for you,

'cause... all my
dreams is gone.

(horn honking continuously)

Oh, no.

(clattering)

(gasping and murmuring)

(music stops)

Jenna...

I'm very upset with you.

I'll be waiting in the car.

You have 30 seconds to get your
ass in gear and join me.

30 seconds!

(door slams)

You wasn't exaggerating.

Your husband is terrible.

DAWN:
Jenna...

Honey, congratulations.
Okay, Jenna.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

Earl...

No, you don't
say nothing.

You don't say one word.

Not one word.

You just sit there.

Earl, that hurts.

Open the cabinet

where the coffee
and the sugar jars are.

I don't want...

Just open it!

What is that?

Jenna, what is that?

Money.

It's all over
the fucking house!

In cabinets, in drawers,

under chairs, in closets!

Money hidden all
over my house!

(whispers):
I'm sorry...

Yeah, after everything
I've done for you...

you go and hide
money from me?

I'm sorry.

(sobbing)

You're the only thing
I ever loved, Jenna.

And you're the only person
to ever belong to me.

And you having a
secret from me,

it tears me up.

Why was you hiding money
all over the house?

I don't know.

Tell me you was going
to buy me a present.

I was going to
buy you a present.

Tell me you was going
to su... surprise me.

I was going to surprise you.

Just hold me.

(sobbing)

(sniffles)

Truth is, Earl...

Truth is, I was saving
that money...

for the baby.

I was going to buy
some nice things--

a crib,

toys, layette--
it was all for the baby.

It was for the baby?

Yeah, so I could
buy a crib.

Yeah.

Baby, I want us to...
I want us to be happy.

I want us to be happy, Jenna.

(sniffling)

Dear damn baby...

If'n you ever want
to know the story

of how we bought your damn
crib, I will tell you.

Your crib was bought
with the money

that was supposed
to buy me a new life.

Every time I lay you down
in that damn crib,

I'm going to think,

"Damn baby, damn crib.

Me stuck like a pin
in this damn life."

(car door closing)

Hey, guess what, sugar?

We got enough money
left, I can buy me
a nice video camera.

Film you being pregnant,
the birth, film the baby.

Maybe when you get a
figure back we can make

a few nasty tapes,
if you know what I mean.

Sounds wonderful, Earl.

Sit up for me, Jenna.

(Velcro cuff tearing)

I wish I could stop everything
and run away with you.

Me, too.

Where could we go?

I would go in a second.
I would drop everything.

Make it go away.

What?

Everything else in my life.

That's a normal reading.

Jenna, get dressed.

Meet me outside.

I'll be there in 10 minutes.

We're going someplace.

We might even run away.

We'll figure it out.

I mean it.

(boy laughing)

(Wagner's "Ride
of the Valkyries" plays)

WOMAN:
Don't you spray me!
Don't you dare spray me!

Hunter, no!

No! No!

What did I say?

(boy laughing)
Hunter, no!

Nobody ever tells you beforehand

how ridiculously hard
it's going to be.

Come on, Hunter.
(laughing)

Dr. Pomatter, I believe
my water just broke.

(inhales deeply, then exhales)

Hey, sweetheart.

Oh, Dr. Pomatter, this
is my husband, Earl.

Oh, hi.
Hi.

Nice to meet you, Doc.

Excuse me, but could you
get up from that chair

so I could sit next
to my wife?
Right.

I would have brought you

some candy or flowers,
but I didn't have no time.

That's okay, Earl.

I need you to rest now, Jenna.
Big moment coming soon.

I'll leave you folks
to your privacy. Excuse me.

Dr. Pomatter...
Yes, Jenna.

I just want to make sure we're
clear about one thing.

What's that, Jenna?
I want drugs.

I want massive amounts of drugs.

I want the maximum
legal limit of drugs.

Noted and understood.

Oh, do... do you belong here?

Yeah, I'm kin.

Joe, hi!

You having
your surgery today?

Later this afternoon.

Cal told me you were here.

Here, I bought you this card.

It's silly.
Look at it later, after all

the fuss is over.

Thanks.
Put it right next

to you on the nightstand.
I will.

I remember you.

You're the husband.

Yeah, I'm the husband.

Lucky for you, I didn't take
money out of Jenna's check

for all the damage you did
in my diner at that wedding.

Don't say nothing
smart-ass.

I'm leaving.

Give me a hug first.

Absolutely not.

(breathing heavy)

(groans)

Earl, if you don't

put that stinking camera away,
I'm going to smash it.

(chuckles)

Earl!

All right, all right.
(laughing)

(breathing heavily)

You're doing great, sweetheart.

You're doing great.

What am I doing?

Try and steady
your breathing, hon.

Hi. I'm Francine Pomatter.

Jim's told me
so much about you.

He thinks you're just
a terrific woman.

So you must be.

Did I mention my wife
is a resident here?

I think you might have
mentioned that.

He's so proud of me.
He tells everybody.

She going to be here
through the whole delivery?

I mean, are all the residents
going to be here?

No, no, they were
just here

to witness the
administration
of the epidural.

So I'm clearing
the room now.

So everybody out.

She's
fully dilated, Doctor. I think
it's time for her to push.

Let's go.

NURSE:
Five, six, seven,
eight, nine, 10...

(Jenna screaming)

One, two, three, four,
five, six,

seven, eight, nine, 10...

JIM:
That was a good one, Jenna.
That was a good one.

One, two, three,
four, five...
We're getting close.

Good, good.
...six, seven,
eight, nine...

Good, we're almost there.

We're almost there, sugar.
One, two, three, four,
five...

...six, seven,
eight, nine, 10.

I don't want no baby, Earl!

(baby crying)

JIM:
Oh, it's a girl.

EARL:
How do you like that?

Would you like to
cut the cord,
Mr. Hunterson?

Yeah. Why not?

(baby crying)

(applause)

NURSE:
Would you like to hold your
baby, Mrs. Hunterson?

Mrs. Hunterson.
Did you hear me?

Are you okay?

Mrs. Hunterson?

(crying continues)

Give her to me.

(baby stops crying)

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

(soft ballad playing)

♪ Nope, your world won't
never know ♪

♪ More than your name ♪

♪ Take out the judgments
that we know ♪

(laughs)
♪ You'd feel the same way ♪

♪ How many times
I've been to this place... ♪

Hey.

Do you remember
what I said?

Don't you go loving
that baby too much.

I don't love you, Earl.

I haven't loved you for years.

I want a divorce.

(laughing)

That's not a funny joke.

We got this
new baby here.

Shouldn't be making jokes
like that.

I want you the hell out
of my life.

You are never to touch me,
ever again.

I am done with you.

If you ever come
within six yards of me,

I will flatten your sorry ass,
and I will enjoy doing it.

Now hold on a second.

♪ Give it away ♪

♪ Give it away ♪

(cooing)

♪ Give it ♪

♪ Give it away... ♪

Lulu-- that's your name.

Little Lulu.

We're going to have so much fun,
little girl.

We're going to have

so... much... fun.

♪ Give it away... ♪

♪ Give it away... ♪

(door opens)

BECKY:
Jenna, sweet,

you got to wake up.
Hmm?

DAWN:
We got to wake you.
It's time to go.

Earl's refusing to pay,
so they're kicking you out.

Oh, I can't go home.
You gonna come stay

with us for a while till
you get back on your feet.

You could stay with us,

but I thought Phil's convulsions
might frighten the baby.

Oh, I got
to see that baby!

Oh, a beautiful baby girl!

BECKY:
Oh...

Look at that little girl!

Cute little girl.

Little, tiny baby girl.

Lulu, the love of my life.

Hon, we have some
bad news for you.

Old Joe was admitted
to the hospital

same day you were.

No, I know, he came by

to see me.

Well, he's not
doing so well.

In fact, he went
into a coma

and they don't think
he's going to recover.

No! Oh, poor Joe.

I know you like him.

You're probably
the only person alive
that likes him, though.

Becky!

I'm sorry,
but he's a scaly old gator.

No, he's dear.

He came in,
he gave me this card.

Where'd I put that?

I set it down
right over here.

Look at the baby.
Look at that.
She's so cute.

Oh, the tiniest
little hands.

Look at the little nose.

Oh, she's pretty.

Jenna, she's real pretty.
Jenna, she's...

♪ Little girl, little girl ♪

♪ Little baby girl ♪

♪ We love that baby girl ♪

♪ She's the cutest baby in... ♪

♪ ♪

(chuckles)

(coughing)

Is it a nice card?

Yeah, it's okay.

He made me a drawing.

You want to see it?

Yeah, okay.

Oh.
Hmm.

Isn't that nice?

Yeah.

It's pretty nice.

Jenna?

Jenna, where
you going?

Oh, they're kicking me out.

Uh, ladies,
would you mind

if I had a minute
alone with my patient

to talk to her
before she leaves?

Oh...

Okay.
Okay.

Thanks.
Here, Becky, take her.

Oh, goodness.

Come here, baby.
Come here, little baby.

You come see Aunt Becky.
You come see Aunt Becky.

Oh, my goodness.

Thanks, ladies.

Okay.

Look at you.

Dawn, look
at her face.

I know what
you're thinking.

No, I don't. That's a lie.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking...
I could never thank you enough

for everything
you've done for me.

I'm thinking
your wife's around

and you probably
shouldn't kiss me.

The way she
looks at you,

so much trust.

So that's it?

It's over?
I don't have any say in this?

We could have
a big drama here that gets
drawn out for a couple years,

makes everyone miserable.

Or we could just end it
right here, you know?

No body count, just say bye-bye.

I'm saying bye-bye.

Dawn, wheel me off
now, okay?

DAWN:
Off? Okay.

Wheel me off.

Wait, wheel me back.

Here...

Take this.

Okay, wheel me off again.

DAWN:
What the heck
was that all about?

Oh, nothing. I just had
an affair with him.

(gasps):
Your doctor?

Yeah, and he's married.
Nice lady, too.

Jenna!

I just ended it for good.

Here, give Lulu to me.

Okay. Go see
your mommy.

(whispers):
Hi!

Geez, I never seen a baby
this beautiful.

You ever seen a baby
this beautiful?

No.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie
with a heart in the middle ♪

♪ Baby, don't be blue ♪

♪ Gonna make for you ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie
with a heart in the middle ♪

♪ Gonna be a pie
from heaven above ♪

♪ Gonna be filled
with strawberry love ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry,
gonna make a pie ♪

♪ Hold you forever
in the middle of my heart. ♪

(chuckles)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(dreamy lullaby plays)

Bye!

Bye!

Bye, y'all!
Bye-bye!

How do you say "good-bye"?

Bye, bye, bye!

Bye, bye, bye!

(laughing)

Bye-bye.

Bye!

Bye!

You want to walk?

♪ ♪

Bye!

Bye!

♪ When the world
is gray and bleak ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ I will give you every bit
of love that's in my heart ♪

♪ I will bake it up
into a simple little pie ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie
with a heart in the middle ♪

♪ Baby, don't be blue ♪

♪ Gonna make for you ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie
with a heart in the middle ♪

♪ Gonna be a pie
from heaven above ♪

♪ Gonna be filled
with strawberry love ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie ♪

♪ And hold you forever
in the middle of my heart ♪

♪ Baby, here's the sun ♪

♪ Baby, here's the sky ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your light
and I'm your shelter ♪

♪ Baby, you are mine ♪

♪ I could freeze the time ♪

♪ Keep you in my kitchen
with me forever ♪

♪ Gonna be a pie
from heaven above ♪

♪ Gonna be filled
with strawberry love ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ Gonna make a pie ♪

♪ And hold you forever
in the middle of my heart ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Gonna bake a pie
from heaven above ♪

♪ Gonna be filled
with butterscotch love ♪

♪ Gonna bake a pie
from heaven above ♪

♪ Gonna be filled
with banana cream love ♪

♪ Baby, don't you cry ♪

♪ Gonna bake a pie ♪

♪ And hold you forever ♪

♪ And hold you forever ♪

♪ And hold you forever
in the middle of my heart. ♪