All language subtitles for The Neighborhood s05e16 Welcome to the Jungle.eng

(scratching)

Calvin.

Calvin.

Calvin!

Yeah, what? What?

What?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
Did I wake you?

You could've woke
the dead, Tina.

Do you hear that scratching?

(scratching)
What? That?

Shh! Don't talk!

(scratching)
That.

I don't know. M-Maybe
it's a spider or something.

Spiders don't make noise.

All right, well, it sounds like
it's coming from the kitchen.

It's got to be
Malcolm and Marty.

At 5:00 in the morning?

With all that legal weed
out there? Absolutely.

I don't know, Calvin.

It-it sounds like it
could be an animal.

Could you just go look?

Hey, I'll look
when I get up, okay?

Oh, baby, I don't...
All right.

(whimpers)

(grunts)
(sighs)

(scratching)

Mm-mm, mm-mm,
mm-mm, no, no.

Baby, please.

I cannot sleep with that.

Just-just go check it out.

(sighs) Fine.

I mean, you know...

But once I brush my teeth,
that's usually it for me.

(grumbling)

So much for gender equality.

Thank you, baby.

CALVIN:
Whoa! (crashing)

What?!

Get out! Get out of here!
What, what, what, what?

Get out of here!
What, what? (glass shattering)

Oh, you picked the
wrong house tonight.

Babe?

Babe, you good?

(crashing)
Give me back my slipper!

Slipper? Oh. All right.

Well, it sounds like you got it.

(crashing)

* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *

* Welcome to the hood. *

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God.

What was it?
I don't know, baby.

Either it was a large raccoon
or a small panda.

Well, did you have
to make this big a mess?

I didn't do it. That thing did.

Look, babe, when I came in here,
that's when he saw me.

And then we squared off, right?

Now, he had eyes
as red as the devil.

So then, so then I hit him with
the two-piece. Hey, hey. Hey.

Hey. So then, but he's like,

"Oh, what's up?
What's up with that?"

Then I was like, "Oh!" So then,
so then he came at me, right?

So then I grabbed him,
I was like, ugh,

and I put him in a full nelson.

And I was choking him,
he's like, "Aah!"

And I was choking him. But then,

but then he flipped me
back over.

So then he started choking me,
and I was like, "Get off me."

But his hands was too small
to go around my whole neck

so he couldn't get
around my whole neck.

So then I hit him
with the Ice Cube,

I was like,
"Yo, we got a problem here?"

Right? So then,

then he came running at me.

I grabbed him, I flipped him
around here,

and I field-goaled him
out the front door.

Whew.

Oh, my God!

There's footprints
in my lasagna!

Well, what does
the pest control guy say?

Well, nothing, babe.

I'm still hearing
the hold music,

but I ain't mad because
they playing the Whispers.

Calvin.

Can you call another company?

Babe, I'm a half hour
invested on this one.

If you can't get a pest
control guy on the phone,

I'm calling a Realtor, and if
he answers first, we're moving.

(stammering): Wait, hold on.
I'm not doing this.

Whoa-whoa-whoa, bab-baby...
I'm not doing...

Representative.

Representative.
Representative.

Agent.

Operator.

Person.

Yes, English.

Or Spanish? Nosotros!

* *

Don't mean to
be pest-imistic,

but, uh...

it was definitely a raccoon.

So we're going to put down
like 16 bear traps?

We could, if you sign
a waiver saying

we're not responsible for
anybody losing a leg or a child.

Well, we don't have a child,
so where do we sign?

Tina, what are you doing?

You're just throwing
all this food away?

I'm not eating
raccoon-touched food.

Have you ever seen
a raccoon wash his hands?

They actually do.

There's this great video
on YouTube where...

Oh, oh, yeah,
I seen that.

'Cause they look like little
people. They like... (humming)

(both laugh)

You mind if
I check inside?

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, go ahead.

Uh, look at all this
food you're wasting.

You know, Tina,

I recently
started composting.

Yeah, I know.

For a man
with a job,

you spend a lot of time
digging in my garbage.

Tina, did you
get my text?

Probably.

Child, I didn't look. What?

(laughs)

School's canceled today
'cause of the fires

up in the mountains.

Air quality is
unsafe for the kids. Oh.

That never happened
in Hickory Corners.

We had closures for blizzards,
tornadoes, frogs.

Frogs?

After the tornadoes,
it would actually rain frogs.

Gemma, where are you from?
The Book of Leviticus?

We had really nice Octobers.

I know today was
the day you were going to post

the casting decisions for the
spring musical, but you'll...

Wow, a raccoon
did all of this?

Calvin helped.

Hey.

PEST CONTROL GUY:
Okay, it's looking like

your point of entry
is your chimney.

We can put a mesh cap
at the top to inhibit access.

Ooh, let's put two in
for safety-- and electrify it.

So this mesh thing
is gonna stop the raccoons?

And Santa Claus.

(laughs)

'Cause, you see, 'cause...

the chimney is where...

that's where Santa comes down.
Yeah.

Hilarious. I get it.

Truth is, if they want in,

they're gonna find
another access point.

Best thing to do is
to figure out what's

attracting them
in the first place.

Some new food source around--
fruit trees, dumpsters?

Dave!

Dave?

Do you know what
your compost is doing? Ooh!

I have been waiting
for you to ask me that.

I'm returning
organic waste to the soil

instead of letting
it rot in landfills.

Well, guess what.

It's attracting raccoons.

Aw. You know, composting brings

all the creatures together.

Not "aw." One of them
broke into my house,

and now I don't have
a left slipper.

What am I supposed
to do with one slipper?

Huh?

Hello, Mr. Raccoon.

Come get your other slipper!

* *

Mama, where's all the food?

I'm not keeping any food
in this house

after some rodent
trampled all over it.

Well, actually, uh,
raccoons are not Rodentia,

they are Carnivora.

Which is kind of a misnomer

because they're
omnivorous, so...

(chuckling)

Yo, Marty.
Read the room.

Wait, so are you saying
there is no food in this house?

Looks like you'll
have to eat at home.

But we don't have
food at home.

I mean, we knew this day
would come.

You think you'll be ready
for it, but you're not.

Okay, look, we're all going
to need food, all right?

Why don't you guys
go pick up some takeout?

Oh, okay.
MALCOLM: Okay.

Got you, Mama.
Whatever you want. Uh...

Credit card?

It's our treat.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Hey.

About those auditions

for the spring musical.

You know that seventh
grader Cooper Brockwell?

You were probably wondering
if he's the same Brockwell

as in the school's Brockwell
Performing Arts Center.

I wasn't wondering.

Oh, good.

But he is.

Oh, so wait a minute.

Are you saying that I have
to cast this Brockwell kid

because his parents
paid for the theater?

Grandparents.

His parents paid
for the library.

And no, of course
I'm not saying that.

You should cast
whoever's the best.

Great.

Was Cooper the best?

Oh, no.

I'm just glad you don't feel
any pressure to cast him

just because, without
his grandfather,

there wouldn't be
a musical at all.

You know, now I'm feeling
a little pressure.

No, don't, don't, don't.

It is a nice theater,
though, isn't it?

Oh, my God.

(groans) It's always just one
thing after another with you.

Remember when you installed
those solar panels?

Yeah, I reduced
my carbon footprint

and I cut my
utility bill in half.

Wrong. You caused a blackout,

and I had to stop a mob
from beating your ass.

And what about when you
started collecting rainwater?

We were in a drought.

I decreased my
water consumption.

And this neighborhood
was swarming with mosquitoes.

The kid down the street
got bit in his eye.

I had to stop his daddy
from beating your ass.

Okay. Well, to be fair,

that was the same guy
from the blackout, and...

I think he has
anger issues.

Okay.
(alarms blaring)

Oh, look, it's one of
those emergency alerts.

It says that there's a...

mountain lion loose
in the neighborhood.

Wait a second.
You guys got an alert?

I didn't get an alert.

(alarm blaring)

It's telling us
to shelter in place.

You all are getting this?

It's only my phone
that doesn't care about me?

Remain indoors until
Animal Control

can find and
sedate the lion.

Ha! You ain't got
to tell me.

Yeah, with Black people,
you just need two words,

"mountain" and "lion,"
and we ain't going out there.

* *

REPORTER: 100-year-old Bernice
Truck has always had a dream.

There's a mountain lion
loose in the neighborhood,

and all the local news
wants to talk about

is a 100-year-old
lady who's skydiving.

I mean, at this point,
what's she really risking?

Baby, don't say that.

Hold on.

Grover's home.

Our son is in
our house alone.

No. What? You can't go
out there, Gemma.

There's a mountain lion.
Are you crazy?

See? That's why they
need those alerts.

Okay, Gemma, look,
let's not panic.

All right, he's fine.

He's in the house.
The doors are shut.

Grover knows not to open
the door for strangers.

What about mountain lions?

Okay, well, Gemma,
if Grover doesn't know

not to open the door
for a mountain lion,

we have bigger problems.

Grover. Grover, can you hear me?

Hey, Mom.

There's a mountain lion
on the loose.

I know. I got
an alert on my phone.

You got to be kidding me.

Yeah-- my phone wants me dead.

Grover.

Stay inside.

Don't open the door
for any person... or animal.

We'll be over as soon as we can.

So, first I don't get to go

to school because of a fire,

and now I have to hang out
in my house

without supervision
for who knows how long?

I know, sweetie.

Poor little thing.

If this is
the House of the Dragon,

then where's the dragon?

This is nothing but ladies
taking baths.

Mom would definitely say
this is not appropriate.

But Mom's not here.

And we will also have the
Carolina pulled pork sandwich.

Oh, yeah, bread on the side
so it doesn't get soggy.

Yeah, uh, bread on the side.

Extra sauce,
also on the side.

Extra sauce, please.
Mm-hmm.

On the side.
On the side.

Don't let it
touch the bread.

And we will also have
the full rack of ribs.

Oh, is that more
Memphis style or Texas style?

They are pig style, Marty.
Okay.

Oh, ask if their coleslaw
is more soupy or dry.

Would you hold on
for one second, please?

No, I will not
ask them that.

They about to spit
in our food, man.

You cannot be this
high maintenance, Marty.

You are not pretty enough.

They don't know
how pretty I am. Please.

(phone beeping)
(groans)

Oh, great, see, now that's
Mama calling.

And she is worse than you are.

Man, I ain't got time for this.

I'm gonna just
finish this order.

Hello? Yes, that
will be all, please.

Oh, no, ooh,
ask if their lemon pie

has more whipped
cream or meringue.

I'm so sorry.
The call dropped.

I just saw you hang up.

That's why it dropped.

Okay, well, please call me
back when you get this, Malcolm.

CALVIN: I mean, them mountain
lions is getting close.

Look, babe, that's
the Johnsons' house.

No.
What?

Uh, the Black Johnsons.

I can tell because they leave

their Christmas lights
up all year long.

Mm. I kind of like it.
It keeps me in the spirit.

It's March. There should
not be a Santa on that roof.

Somebody's getting hangry.

Dave, I don't know
what the hell that means,

but I am not in the mood.

I am hungry and I'm angry.

I'm starving, too.

You know what?

Some of those boxes
you threw out were sealed.

I'm getting some Triscuits.
Ooh. What?

Will you see if there's
anything sweet in there?

Like a...
Like a scone or an clair?

David, I'm going to the trash.

I'm not popping by the bakery.

Something knocked
over our trash cans.

Oh, no. The raccoon is back.

Oh, no, this was way
bigger than a raccoon.

Oh, my God.
It's the mountain lion.

Before we all die,

I just want to make
it clear that,

Dave, this is
all your fault! That's right.

How so?

Because your composting

attracted the raccoons,
which made Tina

throw out our food,
which drew the mountain lion

right to our front door.
Mm-hmm.

I should've let
that man beat your ass.

You should've.

I can't leave our son alone.

I don't care what's out there.
I'm going to be with my son.

All right, honey. Wait.

(helicopter blades whirring)

(man speaks indistinctly
over speaker)

What were they saying?

Whatever it was,
it translates to

"Get your butt back
in the house, woman."

Look, Grover's alone.

He must be so scared.

Okay.

Now let's find out

why I'm not allowed
to watch Euphoria.

* *

Yo...

What is with
all the helicopters?

It's got to be a police chase.

I hope it's still on TV.

(laughs)

I hope it's not us.

Yo.

Look at all this trash.

Uh-oh. Somebody's gonna have
to clean all this up.

Not it.

Hold on, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

Are you really going
to be that juvenile?

(sighs)

Yes.

No!

Malcolm!

Hey, hey. I got the food.

Are you crazy?

Why didn't you answer
the phone when I called you?

There's a mountain lion
loose out there.

Out where?
I didn't get an alert.

Oh, it's not just me. Yes.

Where's your brother?

He's out there cleaning
up the garbage.

Oh, my God. Calvin,
go get my baby.

I'm on it.

I'll go with you, Pop.

Oh, no, you won't. Uh-uh.

You could get killed.

I'll go.

Yeah, go ahead, Dave.
Go, go.

Go!

Daddy!

Don't let me go out like this!

Oh.

I've never been to Japan.
I've never whitewater rafted.

There's two or three more
Avatars coming out.

Well, what do you do
with a mountain lion?

I think you're supposed
to punch it in the nose.

That's a shark.

DAVE:
Okay. All right.

Uh, stay perfectly still.

That's a T. rex.

Well, I'm hearing
a lot of noes.

Why don't you
throw out some ideas?

Okay, okay.

Marty, what you got in the bag?

It's a Carolina
pulled pork sandwich.

Bread on the side,
sauce on the side.

You are your mama's son.

All right, you know what?

I got this. Okay? Come on.

All right, everybody
just stay still. (growling)

Hey, big cat.

Hey there, Mr. Lion.

How you doing?
You want some barbecue?

(roaring)

Whoa!
(groans) Mama. Okay.

N-Nice smile.
Nice smile. I like it. Okay.

All right. It's good barbecue.
Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Okay... You eat meat, right?

You're not one of those
vegan L.A. lions, are you?

Go! Get in there!

We haven't tried this
particular place,

but it did get
four stars on Yelp.

It's a mountain lion,
not a food critic.

Okay.

Go, go, go!
Shut the door, go shut it!

Go shut the door!

Whoo!
Oh!

Whew.

We got him!

Don't mess with the dynamic duo.

Duo?

Dave, I went face to face
with a mountain lion.

All you did was shut the door.

Oh, my God, Daddy.

You saved my life.

You guys are my Blackman
and Robin.

If the TV news comes by,
you got to say that.

Which one am I?

* *

REPORTER:
...where the mountain lion was sedated

and will be released
back into the wild.

Coming up after the break,

a 100-year-old woman dies
in a skydiving accident.

And there you go,
little bro.

Oh.
Now, just so you know,

uh, I wanted to
come out there

and save you,
but, uh, you know,

Mama wouldn't let me.

Aw. It's okay, Malcolm.

Sometimes fear immobilizes you.

I said Mama wouldn't let me.

It's okay to be afraid
of lions, big brother.

I still look up to you.

Grover, don't you
want any food?

Thanks, Mom, but...

I'm good.

Poor kid must
have been worried sick. Aw.

Look, I know today
has been crazy, and...

we didn't get a chance to talk

about the whole
school musical thing.

Oh, it's fine. Today reminded
me of what's really important.

Don't worry about casting
that Brockwell kid.

You're in charge.
You cast whoever you want.

Oh, thank you.

But I totally
understand, you know,

you're under
a lot of pressure,

so I will put Cooper
in the musical.

He can be townsperson
number two.

Townsperson number two?

His only line is,
"Here comes Shrek."

But it's your call.

(mouths)

Hey, Dave. I know I'm
hard on you sometimes, but

you really stepped up
out there today.

Thanks for having my back.

That's what best friends
are for. And you know what?

I am going to share
some of the fruits

of my composting with you.

Grew these in my garden.

Uh...

I'm not going
to eat a strawberry

you grew in the trash.

You're missing out.

It's so... It's so...

It's so good.

(disposal crunching)

What? You're not gonna
compost that?

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