Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

[PAPER RUSTLING]

- OK, DAD. I'M ALL READY. - GOOD FOR YOU.

- COME ON, DAD. DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

IT'S TAKE YOUR SON TO WORK DAY TODAY.

- OH, RIGHT. THAT.

HAVE A SEAT. LET ME SHOW YOU AROUND.

- ALL RIGHT.

- SO, HERE IS THE LIVING SECTION.

THERE'S ALSO HEALTH, THE COMICS...

OOH, LOOK, IT'S AN ADULT UNDERWEAR ADVERTISEMENT.

TOUR'S OVER! - BUT, DAD!

- WORKING. - BUT--

- AH, HERE'S MY SECRETARY.

SECRETARY MOTHER, PLACE THIS MAN UNDER KITCHEN ARREST.

HE'S STEALING SECRETS FROM NANCY AND SLUGGO.

PUT HIM IN THE FRIDGE. SEE WHAT HE KNOWS.

- SECRETARY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- NANCY AND SLUGGO WORK FOR DAD. - NO, THEY DON'T,

BECAUSE DAD HASN'T WORKED A DAY IN 15 YEARS.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES EVERY DAY?

- SO I'LL RECOGNIZE ME? - NO, DEAR.

IT'S BECAUSE YOUR FATHER IS TOO LAZY TO WORK.

- WHY SHOULD I WORK WHEN WE HAVE PIRATE RELATIVES?

I SAY LET THEM DO THE WORK.

WE DON'T HAVE PIRATE RELATIVES.

I DIDN'T SAY "PIRATES." I SAID BANKERS AND LOAN OFFICERS.

AM I TALKING TO A GHOST ON THE WALL ON A WINDY DAY, OR WHAT?

- IS THAT WHY MY LUNCH MONEY IS MADE OF WOOD

AND MARBLES WITH NUMBERS PAINTED ON THEM?

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.

EVERYBODY, OUT OF MY OFFICE!

- AAH!

DOES THAT MEAN ME, TOO? - EVERYBODY!

[MOANING AND CHEWING]

YOUR CEILING'S BROKEN.

- GET UP THERE AND FIX IT! - YEAH, WELL...

[DOOR SHUTS]

- I THOUGHT I HANDLED THAT PRETTY WELL.

- NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU'RE SETTING A TERRIBLE EXAMPLE,

LYING TO YOUR SON ABOUT HAVING A JOB.

- I'M TRYING TO SHOW HIM THAT THERE ARE BAD MEN IN THIS WORLD,

AND THAT THOSE BAD MEN DESERVE TO BE KISSED BY PRETTY LADIES LIKE YOU--

UNDERNEATH THEIR WORK SHOES.

- OOH, YOU ARE INCORRIGIBLE.

IT IS HIGH TIME YOU FOUND A JOB LIKE THE REST OF THE MEN IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, MOTHER? YOU'RE RIGHT.

I WILL BE BACK SHORTLY WITH A NEW JOB.

LOOK, A BOAT! - OH, MY GOD!

- I KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I SAID WHEN I SAW IT, TOO.

LOOK AT IT, MOTHER. IT'S SO FRIGGIN' SWEET!

- I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.

YOU GO OUT TO FIND A JOB AND YOU COME BACK WITH A SKI BOAT?!

- YES. - WHERE DID YOU GET THE MONEY FOR THIS?

- UM...WELL...

UH...WELL...UM...

THAT IS TO SAY...

- THAT WAS BRAK'S COLLEGE FUND!

- HA HA! HEY, NOW, BABY.

LET'S KEEP IT "REAL" HERE.

DOES BRAK LOOK LIKE "COLLEGE MATERIAL" TO YOU?

- ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

- COME ON, BABY. YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK SO HOT ON THAT SET OF SKIS.

- ENOUGH! YOU ARE TO RETURN THAT BOAT AND FIND A JOB

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING OR I'M CALLING IMMIGRATION.

- [SIGHS] ALL RIGHT, MOTHER.

LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

CHECK THIS OUT.

- AAH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?

- DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED, DARLING. YOU SEE, I ALREADY HAVE A JOB.

IN FACT, RIGHT NOW I AM DEVISING A PLAN TO SAVE THE WORLD

FROM AN INVASION OF THE GIANT KILLER ANT ARMY.

[COMPUTERS BEEPING]

APPROVE. DISAPPROVE. AFFIRMATIVE. DIS-AFFIRMATIVE.

MORE OF THIS. LESS OF THAT.

DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR CUT? VERY NICE!

REBUILD IT. MAG WHEELS. - I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WHO ARE THESE-- - WRONG! THAT IS NOT WHAT GIANT KILLER ANTS LOOK LIKE.

THEY NEVER, EVER WEAR HATS.

- THIS IS SO STRANGE.

- NO, MOTHER. THIS IS STRANGE.

- BANANA! - LOOK AT MY PAPER!

- DON'T I LOOK PRETTY? - HA HA HA!

- I'M BAKING COOKIES. DON'T I LOOK PRETTY?

- WHAT IS THIS PLACE-- - MOTHER, NO!

- SO, EVERY TIME I LEAVE THE HOUSE...

- EXACTLY. THE INTERNET.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

- I FOUND YOU A REAL JOB. ONE THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE, REAL SITUATIONS, AND REAL MONEY.

- BUT, MOTHER, WHO WILL DEFEAT THE HUGINATORS OF COLLOSSICON

OR THE PREHISTORIC SEA DEMONS LIVING IN OUR TIMES?

- GET TO WORK!

[LOUD GULPING]

- SO THAT'S THE HOT FUDGE MACHINE.

AND THIS IS THE SPRINKLE BUCKET.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO PUT THAT OUT.

- YEAH. I'M GOING ON A BREAK. - OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

WE JUST OPENED,

AND YOU NEED TO BE OUT HERE SO WE CAN BOOST SALES.

- WHAT'S THE POINT? THE GOVERNMENT'S GOING TO TAKE 3/4 OF OUR PROFITS

TO BUILD ROBOTROIDS TO HUNT US DOWN

WHILE WE'RE ON VACATION AND KILL US IN OUR BATHING SUITS.

- HMM.

SAY, ISN'T IT WEIRD HAVING A TEENAGE BOY, SUCH AS MYSELF,

AS YOUR MANAGER?

- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WEIRD: WHEN MY HAIR ELEVATES,

YOU CAN SEE MY BRAIN THROUGH A CLEAR PLASTIC BUBBLE.

THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WEIRD.

- YEAH, OK.

WELL, I THINK I'LL GO TO THE BACK AND EAT A SLEEVE OF SUGAR CONES.

I FIND THEM UTTERLY DELICIOUS. [BELL RINGS]

- HELLO!

I WOULD LIKE AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE OF THE HOT FUDGE VARIETY.

- YEAH. WE DON'T SELL ICE CREAM.

- WELL, WHAT IS THAT RIGHT NEXT TO YOU?

[CLICKING]

- WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

- COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT IT WAS ABOUT TO ROB US?

- UHH! I DEMAND TO SEE THE MANAGER.

- SOMEBODY THREW UP IN THE BACK.

- THERE HE IS.

- I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT.

THIS EMPLOYEE HAS TREATED ME RUDELY.

HOW DO YOU PLAN TO MAKE RESTITUTION?

- WELL, WE COULD SWEEP UP SOME OF THAT VOMIT INTO A CONE.

HOW WOULD THAT SUIT YOU?

- THAT IS EXTREMELY UNSANITARY, AND UNFLAVORFUL.

I WOULD LIKE TO FILL OUT A CUSTOMER SURVEY CARD. RIGHT NOW!

- OK. FINE. I'LL READ IT. YOU GIVE ME THE ANSWERS.

"I, THE CUSTOMER, WAS A JERK ON PURPOSE.

"I HAD A BAD ATTITUDE WHEN I CAME IN.

AGREE, STRONGLY AGREE, OR SUPER-STRONGLY AGREE."

- ISN'T "DISAGREE" ON THERE? - NO. NEXT QUESTION.

"MY DEMANDS WERE UNREASONABLE, AND I PRESENTED THEM WITH A VERY POOR ATTITUDE

BECAUSE OF MY POOR UPBRINGING ON A ROBOT FARM."

- THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SAYS. LET ME SEE IT.

[GULP] WHOOPS. SOMEBODY ATE IT.

- THIS IS THE WORST ICE CREAM STORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM.

- UH, HERE. HAVE THIS COUPON TO SHUT YOU UP.

- THANK YOU.

WHAT WILL THIS GET ME? - MY DRY-CLEANING.

- THANK YOU. I'M SORRY.

- DID I HEAR SOME GUNSHOTS OUT HERE?

- YEAH. THAT WAS ME.

- REALLY?

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA WORK OUT HERE.

OH, NO! - YOU!

[PUNCHES LANDING]

- OW! OW! OUCH! MY LITTLE...

[ZORAK LAUGHING]

- HEY, DAD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- WELL, SON, YOUR MOTHER FORCED ME TO GET A JOB.

AREN'T YOU PROUD OF THAT? - AND HOW!

MY DAD--TELLING ALL THIS ICE CREAM WHAT TO DO.

ASSISTANT TELLER OF ALL THIS ICE CREAM WHAT TO DO?

UNDERCOVER AGENT SPECIALIZING IN INVESTIGATING FLAVORS

FOR FLAVOR COMMAND DOWN AT FROZEN HEADQUARTERS?

- YEAH. I WISH.

- IT'S OK, DAD. I STILL LOVE YOU.

BRAK, "LOVE" IS A WORD THAT ONCE SPOKEN TO A WOMAN

CANNOT BE RETRACTED,

BECAUSE THEY REMEMBER THOSE THINGS

AND THEY OFTEN MARRY YOU FOR IT.

THEN THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE EXIT 42B,

TURN LEFT AND GO .2 MILES FOR THE BEST CHICKEN BISCUITS IN TOWN,

AND ALL BECAUSE THE BEST SHOES FROM THE BEST SHOE DESIGNERS

ARE ALWAYS 30% OFF.

- WHAT'S THAT MEAN, DAD?

- IT MEANS TURN YOUR HOUSE INTO CASH.

[SHRIEKING]

HOLY CRAP! THEY DO WEAR HATS.

- AAH! [BELL RINGS]

OW! OW OW OW! OW!

- AAH! DID YOU SEE THAT? THEY ATE HIM IN ONE BITE!

- I CAN'T SAY I BLAME THEM. HE WAS SWEATING PURE FUDGE.

- ALL RIGHT. I'M LEAVING.

SUCKERS!

- HE MADE IT, DAD. LET'S MAKE A RUN FOR IT.

- IT'LL NEVER WORK, SON.

EVERYONE KNOWS THE BACK DOOR MANEUVER ONLY WORKS ONCE ON GIANT KILLER ANTS.

- THEN WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

- WELL, IF THAT DAMN ICE CREAM HAD NOT TRIED TO ROB ME,

WE WOULD STILL HAVE SOME AMMO LEFT TO DEFEND OURSELVES WITH.

- CAN'T YOU GO OUTSIDE AND REASON WITH THEM?

[SHRIEKING]

- I DON'T THINK SO.

- [SIGHS] I GUESS IT'S OVER, THEN.

- WELL, TECHNICALLY, IT'S NOT OVER.

FIRST, THEY HAVE TO BREAK IN AND CHASE US DOWN.

THEY'LL PROBABLY GET YOU FIRST,

BECAUSE YOU'LL STOP TO SING A SONG ABOUT IT.

- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO-- ♪

- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

ARE THOSE SKIS?

SO, WHOSE SKIS?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHICH ONE OF US OWNS THE SKIS

OR WHICH ONE OF US LIKES TO SKI THE MOST?

'CAUSE I THINK IT'S ME BUT, YOU KNOW, CHARLIE THINKS IT'S HIM.

- WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT,

IF WE EVER FIND A BOAT.

I WILL OUT-SKI YOU ALL! REALLY!

- HE'S JUST PISSED OFF WE DON'T HAVE A BOAT.

DUDES, IF WE COULD SKI, WE WOULD TOTALLY SKI IN PEACE.

- HEY, GIANT ANTS WITH CAR-DESTROYING LASER BEAM EYES,

MY DAD HAS A BOAT.

- WE ARE GOING TO MAKE A KABILLION DOLLARS WITH THESE GIANT SKIING ANTS.

7, TIGHTEN UP!

[ROARS]

- BANANA, BANANA. - YES. HA HA HA!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

- BANANA, BANANA, BANANA... - HA HA HA!

THE INTERNET. - SUCKERS!

- BANANA. - HA HA HA!

THE INTERNET. EVERYBODY...

- BANANA. - THE INTERNET.

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