Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

SAY, MOTHER, DO YOU LIKE MY NEW BOOTS?

NO, I DON'T.

LOOK AT THE DRAGONS, BABY. THEY ROCK!

WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE HIDEOUS THINGS ANYWAY?

FROM ROCKIN' STEVE.

WHO?

THIS MORNING WHEN I WAS OUT GETTING THE PAPER,

HE PULLED UP IN HIS VAN, AND HE SAID,

"HEY! WHAT'S UP, DAD, MY BROTHER?"

AND I SAID, "YOU KNOW, NOT MUCH.

HANGING OUT. GETTING MY PAPER."

THEN HE SAID, "I GOT SOME BOOTS

"IN THE BACK OF MY VAN HERE

THAT WOULD LOOK HOT ON YOU, DADDY."

AND I SAID, "WELL, BREAK 'EM OUT, ROCKIN' STEVE."

NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M SITTING HERE IN THESE ROCKIN' BABIES.

JUST TAKE THEM OFF.

THEY'RE MARKING UP MY KITCHEN FLOOR.

WELL, YOU TANGLE WITH THE DRAGONS,

YOU'RE GONNA GET BURNT.

HEY, EVERYBODY!

WHAT AN ENTRY LINE!

I DECLARE THE ICE IN THIS ROOM OFFICIALLY BROKEN!

TO YOU, SIR, I SAY, "BRAVO! BRAVO INDEED!"

HEY, BRAK, WHO'S THIS CHATTY,

LITTLE BUMPKIN YOU HAVE WITH YOU?

OH, THIS IS MY NEW FRIEND CLARENCE.

MY BRAIN CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT

MY EARS HAVE JUST TOLD THEM!

BRAK CALLED ME HIS FRIEND!

THAT'S SO RADICAL!

WELCOME TO OUR HOME, CLARENCE.

THANK YOU, MADAM.

IT IS NOT OFTEN ONE IS GRANTED THE OPPORTUNITY

TO ENTER THE DOMAIN OF HIS IDOL.

I AM TRULY BLESSED.

HE'S BEEN SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT ALL DAY.

[WHISPERING] He's a very big fan.

I CONSIDER MYSELF THE WORLD'S

MOST FOREMOST BRAKOLOGIST,

AN EXPERT, IF YOU WILL.

GOOD FOR YOU. MOTHER, WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

OH, I'M INTERESTED IN THAT MYSELF.

WHAT KIND OF NOURISHMENT IS REQUIRED TO KEEP

BRAK'S NIMBLE MIND RUNNING AT FULL CAPACITY?

UH, WHO IS THIS JOKER AGAIN?

CLARENCE, THE WORLD'S

MOST FOREMOST BRAKOLOGIST.

SAY, CLARENCE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GAZE

INTO THE EYES OF THE DRAGON?

NO, HONEY, HE WOULDN'T.

BRAK, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE CLARENCE UP

AND SHOW HIM YOUR ROOM?

OH! BRAK'S ROOM!

I DON'T THINK MY LITTLE HEART

COULD STAND THE EXCITEMENT!

IT'S TOO MUCH! TOO SOON!

Brak: YOU'LL BE FINE, BUDDY.

JUST FOLLOW ME.

Clarence: JACK COOPER IS NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!

MIND IF I TAKE SOME DIGITAL PICS?

WELL, BRAK CERTAINLY HAS HIMSELF A NEW ADMIRER.

IT'S KIND OF CREEPY, IF YOU ASK ME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S CREEPY:

A MAN YOUR AGE WEARING DRAGON BOOTS.

SIT STILL. I'M TAKING THEM OFF.

AW, MOTHER, DO YOU HAVE TO TAK--

OH, I GUESS YOU DO.

THESE BOOTS ARE GOING RIGHT BACK TO ROCKIN' STEVE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT HE'S NOT REAL BIG ON REFUNDS.

HEY, LOOK! THERE'S LITTLE FROGS ON MY SOCKS!

HELLO, MOTHER.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME GIVE

THIS LITTLE FROGGY A KISS?

[KISSING]

Mother, shutting door: NO.

[SIGHING] MAYBE LATER, BOYS.

SHE'LL BE BACK.

SHE LIVES HERE.

Brak: AND FINALLY, THIS IS MY CHARLIE'S ANGELS CLAN.

I NAMED IT THAT 'CAUSE OF THE HAT.

AND THAT CONCLUDES THE TOUR OF MY STUFF.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, IT'S ALL THAT I IMAGINED IT WOULD BE

TO THE 14th POWER.

NOW I KNOW HOW LORD MANLY FELT

WHEN HE WAS HONORED IN THE CIRCLE OF HEROES.

LORD WHAT NOW?

HE'S A CHARACTER OF MY OWN INVENTION.

I HAVE A HYPERACTIVE IMAGINATION.

THE DOCTOR SAYS I'M DELUSIONAL,

BUT MY MOM JUST CALLS IT YAMMERING.

THEN SHE SLAPS ME.

[GIGGLES]

SAY, DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU A FEW MORE QUESTIONS?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANY MORE QUESTIONS.

I'M TIRED.

[CRYING]

I JUST WANT TO ASK A QUESTION.

[CRYING]

ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD.

OH, THANK YOU.

NOW, BRAK, DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES?

BECAUSE LET ME JUST GO ON TO SAY THAT I DO.

I HAVE THEM ALL.

I OFTEN WAKE UP SOAKED IN SWEAT.

DOES THAT FASCINATE YOU,

OR WAS THAT JUST A SILLY QUESTION?

WELL, I DON'T REALLY...

BRAK, IF YOU DISAPPEARED ONE DAY,

WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO REPLACE YOU?

A-HA! ZORAK IS HERE!

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HANGING AROUND WITH THIS CRAP SACK?

OH, CLARENCE? HE'S STUDYING ME.

REALLY? THAT'S NICE.

WANT ME TO BEAT HIM SENSELESS?

BECAUSE I WILL, AND I WON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT EITHER.

IN FACT, I'LL FEEL GOOD! REAL GOOD!

I'M VERY FRIGHTENED, BRAK.

I WISH LORD MANLY WAS HERE.

[WHIMPERING]

YOU BETTER GET HIM OUT OF HERE BEFORE HIS BLADDER GOES.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO HURT HIM, ZORAK.

INCLUDING CLARENCE,

I NOW HAVE TWO BEST FRIENDS.

YEAH? WHO'S THE OTHER CHUMP?

IT'S YOU.

OH, GREAT. HAVE YOU TOLD ANYBODY THAT?

BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO

BEAT THAT MEMORY OUT OF THEM...

WITH A PIPE!

Clarence: I HAVE GYMNASTICS FOR BOYS AT 7:00.

DON'T FORGET TO STRETCH!

[CLOSING DOOR] YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE LOVE, DARLING?

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!

I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!

I WAS PRACTICING FOR MY WEDDING NIGHT.

WHAT?!

DON'T YOU EVER WONDER HOW

SOMETHING'S GOING TO SOUND

BEFORE YOU SAY IT IN A REAL SITUATION?

OH, YOU MEAN LIKE, "PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!"

OR "HOW MUCH FOR THE TWINS?"

YEAH...I GUESS.

COME ON. LET'S GO BURN SOME HAIR.

NO, I CAIN'T.

I GOT TO GO SPEND SOME TIME WITH CHARLIE.

WHATEVER. I'M BURNING HAIR.

WHAT UP, BUDDY?

THAT'S RIGHT. KEEP ON WALKING.

[DOOR CLOSES]

WAY TO TELL HIM, DAD.

Narrator: SO DAY BECAME NIGHT

AND THEN DAY ONCE MORE.

[SQUEAKING RHYTHMICALLY]

PRETTY SNAZZY, NO?

NO.

LOCK THE DOOR!

BOLT THE WINDOWS!

DO IT QUICK! HE'S COMING!

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT JESUS?

NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT CLARENCE!

HE FOLLOWED ME AROUND ALL DAY,

REPEATING EVERYTHING I SAID.

HE EVEN SAT ON MY DESK AND SANG A SONG ABOUT MATH!

I DITCHED HIM AT LUNCH, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW.

HE COULD POP UP ANYWHERE!

OH, HE'S ALREADY HERE, BRAK.

HE'S BEEN HERE ALL AFTERNOON.

[SPUTTERING]

WHY'D YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?

WELL, HE JUST MARCHED IN HERE WEARING

THAT STUPID UNIFORM YOU WEAR.

I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.

BY THE WAY, I GAVE HIM YOUR ALLOWANCE.

AND YOUR AFTER SCHOOL COOKIES.

WELL, HE WAS HUNGRY, AND HE'S SO POLITE.

AW, MAN!

I THINK IT'S CUTE THAT YOU HAVE A LITTLE PAL

THAT WANTS TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.

I DON'T GET IT MYSELF.

Clarence: HEY, EVERYONE!

BRAK IS HERE AND THAT'S PERFECTLY CLEAR!

CLARENCE, YOU'RE NOT BRAK! I'M BRAK!

ROODY-DOODY-DOO.

I'M BRAK, TOO!

I SAY CRAZY STUFF ALL DAY, AND PEOPLE LOVE ME.

SEE? LOOK AT ME!

THE QUEEN OF FRANCE IN MY BRAND-NEW PANTS!

I'M UPSIDE-DOWN IN A CAR,

DRIVING AROUND TO THE GROCERY STORE.

[LAUGHING]

OH, HOW PRECIOUS!

IT'S NOT PRECIOUS. IT'S STUPID!

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

I DON'T KNOW, OLD BRAK.

IT MAKES SENSE TO ME.

WHY DID YOU CALL ME "O BRAK?"

I GOT TO HAVE SOME WAY TO KEEP YOU TWO

JOKERS STRAIGHT, RIGHT, NEW BRAK?

I'VE GOT BOW TIES ON MY FEET.

I MUST BE WALKING WITH MY NECK!

ROODY-DOODY-DOO.

STOP SAYING "ROODY-DOODY-DOO!"

THAT'S MY BIT! GET YOUR OWN!

HOW ABOUT SPLING-BLING,

BLING-BLING, SPLEEDILY-DEE-DEE?

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHING] STOP, NEW BRAK!

YOU'RE KILLING US WITH YOUR CUTENESS!

MERCY! THAT IS FRESH!

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT OUTFIT?

WHO KNOWS WHERE CLOTHES COME FROM?

NOT ME, BECAUSE I'M CRAZY BRAK!

BLEEDA-LEEDA- LEEDA-DEE-DEE!

I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT!

WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER GO.

IT'S TIME TO RUN CRAZY IN THE STREETS.

LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA-LA.

Clarence: LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA-LA. CRAZY!

MAN, THIS IS TERRIBLE!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

OH, HONEY, IT'S JUST A HARMLESS LITTLE PHASE.

HE'LL GET OVER IT SOON,

AND YOU'LL STILL HAVE YOURSELF A NEW FRIEND.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, MOM.

IF CLARENCE CAN GET AWAY WITH BEING ME,

THEN EVERYONE WILL WANT A PIECE OF THE BRAK PIE.

[MECHANICAL JABBERING]

I'M CRAZY BRAK.

HA HA HA!

[MECHANICAL JABBERING]

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

BRAK, SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE

WANT TO BE YOU, YOU SHOULD LET THEM,

BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY TURN OUT

TO BE BETTER AT BEING YOU THAN YOU ARE?

WHAT THEN?

YOU'RE STUCK HOLDING THE BAG, MY FRIEND,

AND WHAT'S IN THE BAG?

SUGAR WOULD BE MY GUESS,

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?

I'M SHOELESS BRAK, THE CRAZY MAN,

LOO-DOO, DEE-DOO, DEE-DOO.

[CHUCKLING] DOO-DEE-DOO.

NOW, LET'S GO WATCH THE TV

UNTIL OUR MINDS FALL ASLEEP.

AMEN.

Narrator: IMAGINE THAT IT'S LATER NOW,

ABOUT 2 HOURS.

Man, on TV: YOU KNOW, NOW THAT I HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME ON MY HANDS,

I'VE DISCOVERED THE JOYS OF STAIN REMOVAL.

YOU SEE, MOST OF MY CLOTHES ARE VERY BADLY STAINED--

Dad: NO, THANK YOU.

BANANAS.

WAIT! GO BACK!

HEY, EVERYBODY!

♪ IT'S THE BRAK SHOW, IT'S THE BRAK SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME ♪

MY NAME IS BRAK.

THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT ME,

AND WHO WOULD I BE

WITHOUT MY BEST FRIEND ZORAK?

Clarence, as Zorak: MY NAME IS ZORAK.

I'M EVIL AND DUMB.

MO-HA-HA-HA!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HEY! HERE'S A CALL ON OUR BRAK HOT LINE.

LET'S SEE WHO IT IS.

HELLO, CALLER.

WELCOME TO BRAK TALK.

Zorak: HEY, YOU LITTLE [BEEP BEEP].

GET RID OF THAT PUPPET,

OR I'M GOING TO COME DOWN THERE

AND RAM IT INTO YOU THE HARD WAY!

OOPS! NO MORE CALLS FROM THAT NUMBER.

TIME FOR ANOTHER SONG.

♪ I LOVE BEANS

♪ BEANS, BEANS, BEANS

THAT'S IT! HE'S BUTCHERING MY FAVORITE TUNE!

I'M GOING DOWN TO THAT TV STUDIO AND GET MY BRAK BACK!

♪ LIMA, SOY, AND PINTO BEANS ♪

♪ LI-LI-LI

♪ I LOVE BEANS

HEY, LOOK WHO I SEE, EVERYBODY!

IT'S OLD BRAK!

HOW'S IT GOING, LITTLE BUDDY?

CLARENCE, STOP THE CHARADE.

THERE'S ONLY ROOM ON THIS PLANET FOR ONE ME,

AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME!

BUT WHY CAN'T WE BOTH BE YOU?

YOUR LIFE IS RICH ENOUGH TO SUPPORT A THOUSAND BRAKS.

BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED FRANCHISING?

IT COULD BE VERY LUCRATIVE.

CLARENCE, I'M ME, AND THAT'S IT!

NOW TAKE OFF THAT COSTUME!

HMM. LET ME CONSULT WITH MY EVIL PAL ZORAK.

ZORAK, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OLD BRAK'S OFFER?

Clarence, as Zorak: TELL HIM TO STUFF HIS OFFER!

OH, HA-HA, HA-HA!

YOU HEARD THE MANTIS.

WE DO NOT ACCEPT YOUR OFFER.

THEN WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SETTLE THIS LIKE GENTLEMEN.

OH, THIS LOOKS LIKE TROUBLE.

NOT SO FAST, BOYS.

HI. I'M RON "JAWS" JAWORSKI.

AND I'M JIM PLUNKETT.

WE TRAVEL THE GALAXY

SOLVING PROBLEMS JUST LIKE YOURS.

THAT'S RIGHT, JAWS, FOR TOGETHER WE ARE

THE QUARTERBACK JUSTICE TEAM!

Together: DOWN, SET, HUT!

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE?

WELL, MY NAME'S BRAK.

MINE, TOO.

YOU SEE, THIS GUY HERE WANTS TO BE ME,

BUT I'M ALREADY ME, AND I DON'T WANT HIM

TO BE ME AT THE SAME TIME THAT I'M ME!

IT'S PUTTING ME OVER THE EDGE!

YOU GOT IT?

HMM. WHAT DO YOU THINK, BUDDY?

HELL IF I KNOW.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.

I THINK THIS IS NOT A FOOTBALL PROBLEM.

IT'S CREEPING ME OUT, JAWS.

YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN.

THESE GUYS ARE FREAKS.

HEY, LET'S GO GET A COCKTAIL.

MY KNEES HURT.

GOOD CALL! COCKTAILS ON MY COUNT.

Together: DOWN, SET, HUT!

WELL, ONCE MORE WE'RE AT AN IMPASSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, CLARENCE?

I THINK I HAVE A SOLUTION.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BE SOMEBODY INTERESTING,

I KNOW JUST THE GUY.

[LAUGHING]

[GIGGLES]

MOTHER, WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

ASK HER WHERE YOUR PAPER IS.

OH, OK.

MOTHER, WHERE IS MY PAPER?

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY DRAGON BOOTS?

I LOVE YOUR SWEATER. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0