Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

DARLING, LOOK AT MY KNEES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK I'VE SEEN YOUR KNEES, DEAR.

WELL, YOU NEED TO LOOK AGAIN

AND LOOK VERY CLOSELY THIS TIME.

ONE OF THEM IS SHAVED.

DO YOU LIKE THE SHINY SMOOTH ONE

OR THE HAIRY JUNGLE ONE?

I...DON'T KNOW.

HONEY, WHAT IS ALL THAT MONEY

DOING ON THE TABLE?

OH, I TOOK OUT A $30,000 LOAN

TO BUY A NEW STEREO FOR MY DEN.

$30,000 FOR A STEREO?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

WITH JOY, I AM.

THIS BABY IS THE LATEST IN

SLAMMING DIGITAL SURROUND SOUND...SOUND.

WELL, THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU'RE TAKING THAT MONEY BACK.

[SOFTLY] How about if I take you back

to your parents in a box?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAID LET'S SLEEP ON IT.

HEY FELLAS, HOW'S IT HANGING?

WHOA! HOLD THE PHONE, JACKSON.

DAD, WHAT'S WITH THE KNEES?

THEY'RE FREAKIN' ME OUT, MAN--

WITH THE SHORT PANTS AND THE KNEES.

WHY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM?

OH-OH, NOTHING.

IT JUST LOOKS LIKE I WALKED INTO

THE KNOBBY-KNEE CIRCUS.

Dad: WHAT?

♪ STEP RIGHT UP, PLEASE ♪

♪ AND BEHOLD THE KNOBBY KNEES ♪

♪ OF THE KING OF THE KNEE BONES ♪

♪ BETTER STAND BACK 20 FEET ♪

♪ OR THESE KNOBBY KNEES WILL EAT YOU UP ♪

THAT'S ENOUGH!

♪ ONE IS BALD AND ONE IS HAIRY ♪

♪ HIDE YOUR CHILDREN IT'S TOO SCARY! ♪

BRAK!

I'VE HEARD QUITE ENOUGH FROM YOUR OPINIONS.

HOW DARE YOU WALK INTO THIS KITCHEN

AND RIDICULE THE KNEES OF YOUR FATHER.

YOU HAVE HURT ME AND MY FEELINGS.

AH, I WAS JUST FUNNING YOU, DAD.

I ACTUALLY THINK YOUR KNEES ARE PRETTY COOL.

TOO LATE! YOU MADE THE KNEES CRY.

I CAN FEEL THEIR TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY SHINS

AND FILLING MY SHOES.

YOUR KNEES ARE NOT CRYING, DEAR.

NO, THEY PROBABLY ARE, MOM.

I WAS PRETTY HARD ON THE OLD BOY'S KNOBBERS.

TOO LATE FOR REMORSE.

GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR ONE YEAR.

Brak: WHAT?

DID YOU SAY WHAT?

I GUESS YOU WANT TO MAKE IT TWO YEARS.

NOW, GO.

DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT AGAIN?

3 YEARS!

ALL RIGHT, I'M IN MY ROOM.

CAN I COME OUT NOW?

Dad: NO!

CAN I HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT, LIKE A SANDWICH?

Brak: PERHAPS A BOLOGNA SANDWICH?

OH, OF COURSE. IN 3 YEARS!

OH, MAN. YOU'RE KILLING ME, MAN.

HONEY, I THINK YOU REALLY OVER-REACTED THERE.

IN WHAT WAY? WHAT DID I DO?

WELL, LET'S SEE...

YOU JUST SENT BRAK TO HIS ROOM FOR 3 YEARS.

UH, I KNOW.

NOT EVEN THE MOST FAMOUS DOCTORS OF

MILITARY SCIENCE CAN EXPLAIN IT.

UH...RIGHT.

DO YOU WANT TO LET HIM COME BACK DOWN?

NO, LET HIM SPEND THE NIGHT UP THERE.

THAT'S WHERE HE USUALLY SLEEPS.

THEN TOMORROW MORNING, IF HE HASN'T DONE SOMETHING FOOLISH,

LIKE STOLEN MY STEREO MONEY AND USED IT TO BUY MATERIALS

TO BUILD A ROCKET SHIP TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME,

WE'LL LET HIM OUT OF HIS ROOM

AND ROLL HIM IN PANCAKES.

Narrator: LATER THAT NIGHT WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WAS ASLEEP.

THE FOLLOWING SOUNDS WERE HEARD:

[HAMMERING]

AH, MOTHER, OF ALL THE NIGHTS I HAVE SLEPT,

LAST NIGHT WAS THE BEST OF THEM ALL.

AAH! MY SON HAS RUN AWAY IN A ROCKET SHIP.

UH, I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.

[DOORBELL]

♪ COME IN!

GREETINGS. I AM SPACE GHOST,

HEROIC WARRIOR OF JUSTICE.

OK, THAT'S FINE WITH ME.

I'VE COME TO ARREST YOUR SON, BRAK.

WELL, YOU JUST MISSED HIM.

HE RAN AWAY FROM HOME IN A ROCKET SHIP.

HMM. THAT'S DISAPPOINTING.

MY PLAN WAS TO ARREST HIM AND THEN GO RUN SOME ERRANDS.

CAN I HAVE SOME OF YOUR FOOD?

WAIT A MINUTE. WHY WERE YOU GOING TO ARREST BRAK?

BECAUSE HE IS A CRIMINAL.

HE'S COMMITTED MANY CRIMES

IN THE FUTURE, WHERE I COME FROM.

EVEN THOUGH THE SHOW TOOK PLACE IN 1966.

WHAT SHOW?

MY ACTION- ADVENTURE SHOW.

IT WAS WILDLY POPULAR IN THE PAST WHERE IT TOOK PLACE,

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SET IN THE FUTURE.

HEH. OF COURSE IN 1994 I ALSO

HAD A TALK SHOW IN THE FUTURE,

AND BRAK WAS MY FRIEND.

WELL, NOT REALLY MY FRIEND--

MORE OF AN ASSOCIATE,

UNLIKE 1966, WHEN HE WAS A CRIMINAL IN THE PAST.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT I HAVE SAID TO YOU?

AH, YES.

BUT, MOSTLY NO.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY

YOU WANT TO ARREST OUR SON.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL GO GET MY TAPES.

THEY'RE IN THE PHANTOM CRUISER.

THAT'S WHAT I RIDE AROUND IN.

I BELIEVE YOU.

THANK YOU.

I'LL GO GET THE TAPES.

I BET THAT LITTLE MAN DIDN'T THINK I COULD

BUILD A ROCKET SHIP AND SURVIVE IN OUTER SPACE.

BUT I DID, AND I HAVE

FOR 3 GLORIOUS MINUTES NOW.

♪ A-BOOM-BOOM-PISH BOOM-BOOM-BA-PISH ♪

♪ A-BOOM-BOOM-PISH BOOM-BOOM-BA-- ♪

♪ OUTER SPACE, SPACE, SPACE ♪

♪ I'M NOT AFRAID OF SPACE, SPACE, SPACE ♪

♪ EVEN WHEN IT'S IN MY FACE, FACE, FACE ♪

♪ I DIDN'T GET OFF YOUR SPACE ♪

HEY, THERE'S ZORAK.

HEY, ZORAK, YOU LIKE MY NEW ROCKET SHIP?

YOU WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE?

NO.

COME ON, I'LL LET YOU DRIVE.

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WILL.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE WHAT THIS TANK WILL DO.

Zorak: HA HA HA!

YOU SEE, WHAT YOU'RE WATCHING NOW

OCCURRED IN THE DISTANT PAST.

1994?

NO, NO. THAT WAS THE TALK SHOW,

WHICH IS ALSO IN THE FUTURE.

SO IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET?

NO, IT HAPPENED, BUT AFTER WHAT YOU'RE SEEING HERE.

THIS IS MY ACTION- ADVENTURE SHOW.

Mom: OH, LOOK. THERE'S BRAK.

YES, THAT IS YOUR CRIMINAL SON.

SHE MUST DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE

SO THAT SPACE GHOST WILL NEVER FIND HER.

OH, DEAR, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS VOICE?

DOES HE HAVE A COLD?

NO, MA'AM, THAT'S HIS CRIMINAL VOICE.

PLUS, REMEMBER, EVEN THOUGH THIS SHOW

IS IN THE PAST, IT'S SET IN THE FUTURE.

COLDS HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED.

LISTEN, MR. SPACE GHOST.

THE WAY I SEE IT, FROM WHAT YOU'VE TOLD US,

BRAK IS NOT ACTUALLY A CRIMINAL.

OF COURSE HE IS.

BUT WHAT YOU'VE SHOWN US HERE IS

JUST A TELEVISION SHOW, RIGHT?

AND A VERY SUCCESSFUL ONE, I MIGHT ADD.

IN THE PAST.

EXACTLY.

BUT SET IN THE FUTURE.

COLDS HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED.

BUT IF IT'S A TELEVISION SHOW,

ISN'T BRAK JUST AN ACTOR PLAYING A PART?

THE PART OF A DEVIOUS CRIMINAL.

YES, BUT IT'S STILL ACTING, ISN'T IT?

IT'S NOT REAL.

IMPOSSIBLE.

MADAM, I AM A HEROIC WARRIOR.

I THINK, PERHAPS, IF WE WATCH

SEVERAL EPISODES OF THE TALK SHOW...

WHY, WHAT'S THE POINT?

IT'S JUST MORE MAKE BELIEVE.

YES, BUT IT'S SET IN THE FUTURE.

OH, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

IF IT DIDN'T MATTER, WOULD I BE ABLE TO DO THIS?

MOTHER, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU CHASED AWAY THE BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD.

OH, LOOK, HE'S COMING BACK.

WELCOME BACK, SPACE GHOST.

I WAS JUST TELLING MY WIFE

YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

REALLY? THAT'S FUNNY.

I WAS JUST IN THE FUTURE TELLING

MY ASSOCIATE, MOLTAR, THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU.

REALLY?

YEP. THEN I FIRED HIM.

AH, HA HA HA!

I SAID, "GET OUT!"

AH, HA HA HA!

Zorak: HEY, LOOK AT THAT BUCKET-HEAD DOWN THERE.

LET'S PICK HIM UP AND ROB HIM.

I DON'T WANT TO ROB HIM.

WHAT IF HE'S NICE?

RIGHT, WE'LL JUST BEAT HIM UP, THEN.

YOU GOT A HAMMER IN THIS TUB?

GET IN.

UM, OK.

WELCOME ABOARD, STRANGER.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MOLTAR.

WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT?

[MUMBLES]

NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO CALL YOU CALVIN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, CALVIN?

I WANT TO CALL HIM BUDDY.

HEY, BUDDY!

WHO ARE YOU GUYS?

I'M MARVIN, AND THAT'S SHACKLEFORD.

WE'RE FAMOUS ICE SKATERS.

MAYBE YOU HEARD OF US.

YEAH, I HEARD OF YOU.

YOU DID?

ENOUGH OF THIS B.S.

WE'RE GOING TO BEAT YOU UP. RIGHT NOW!

YOU COULD DO THAT, OR WE COULD

GO DOWN THERE TO THE STATUE PLANET.

THERE'S STATUES EVERYWHERE, MAN.

YEAH, LET'S GO TIP THEM ALL OVER.

HEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

AH! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAID.

WE CAN'T DO THAT. IT WOULD BE A CRIME.

YOU HEAR THAT, CALVIN?

IT'D BE A CRIME.

YEAH, RIGHT.

TO CRIME! HA HA!

CRIME ROCKS!

OH, NO.

[ZORAK AND MOLTAR LAUGHING]

SO I SAID,

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU PRESUME, SIR.

THESE TEETH ARE BRUSHED."

HAD YOU BRUSHED THEM?

OF COURSE NOT.

HA HA HA!

OH, MAN.

SPEAKING OF HEAT, LET ME TELL YOU

A STORY ABOUT A FISH I ONCE CAUGHT

IN A 37,000 DEGREE LAKE.

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN FISHING.

SURE HE HAS.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

I WENT WITH HIM. IT WAS IN THE FUTURE.

YOUR HUSBAND AND I CAUGHT SEVERAL LARGE FISH.

I'M SURE WE DID.

OR SHOULD I SAY, I'M SURE WE WILL.

IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST TIMES I'VE EVER HAD,

UNTIL SOMEBODY SUGGESTED WE GO SWIMMING.

OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

YES, GREAT FUN.

JUMPING INTO A 37,000 DEGREE LAKE ARMED WITH

NOTHING BUT TINY FUTURISTIC UNDERWATER FISH-GRENADES.

IT WAS MY IDEA.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENS?

LUCKILY, THE EXTREME HEAT

CAUSES THE LAKE TO EVAPORATE,

AND WE FALL ONTO A SOFT CUSHION OF

BEAUTIFUL MERMAIDS WHO KISS US VERY, VERY MUCH.

END OF STORY,

OR IS IT?

THAT IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING

I'VE HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I WANT YOU TO LEAVE,

AND I WANT YOU TO FIND OUR SON.

YES, I HAVE TO GO.

I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE GOOD PARENTS

AND WILL DO A FINE JOB RAISING BRAK.

JUST REMEMBER-- IT WON'T WORK.

HE STILL BECOMES A CRIMINAL.

[BEEPING]

SPACE GHOST HERE.

WHAT? ICE SKATERS?

ON THE STATUE PLANET?

OH, NO.

UH, LOOK, I HAVE TO GO.

YES, YOU DO.

WILL I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN, SPACE GHOST?

NO.

WHAT ABOUT THE FISHING?

OH...UH, RIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

[WHISPERING] In the future.

WHEW! I THOUGHT HE'D NEVER LEAVE.

WHY DID YOU LET HIM IN?

THAT MAN WAS INSANE.

WELL, THEN, WHY DID YOU

KEEP LAUGHING AT HIS STUPID JOKES?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU EVEN INVITED HIM TO LIVE HERE.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO KILL US.

DID YOU SEE HIS EYES-- THE EMPTINESS?

THOSE WERE THE EMPTY EYES OF DEATH, MOTHER.

I WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

THANK YOU FOR NOT NOTICING.

MAN, YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOING TO

BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

I WAS ON THE STATUE PLANET

WITH MARVIN AND CALVIN,

AND THIS MAN IN A YELLOW CAPE SHOWS UP AND SAYS,

"HEY, YOU CRIMINALS, STOP OR I'LL SHOOT," RIGHT?

SO WE STOPPED, AND HE STARTED

SHOOTING AND BLOWING UP

STATUES AND SAYING STUFF LIKE,

"THIS IS FUN! THIS IS GREAT!"

UNTIL THE STATUE POLICE CAME AND TOOK HIM AWAY.

WELL, WE'RE BOTH JUST HAPPY TO HAVE YOU BACK, HONEY.

AH, YES, WE ARE. NOW, GO TO YOUR ROOM!

Space Ghost: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS I'VE SAID TO YOU SO FAR?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT I HAVE SAID TO YOU?

[ECHOING] THAT'S DISAPPOINTING.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

HMM. THAT'S DISAPPOINTING.

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