Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

- MOTHER, HAVE YOU SEEN MY BLUE VELVET WARM-UP SUIT?

- ISN'T IT IN YOUR EXERCISE DRAWER?

- WELL, NOW, HOW WILL I KNOW THAT UNLESS YOU GO OPEN THE DRAWER AND LOOK?

- HONEY, CAN'T YOU DO THAT YOURSELF?

- WELL, YES, BUT THEN WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF ME ASKING YOU TO DO IT?

- I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE SATURDAY

COOKING AND CLEANING AND PLUNGING TOILETS--

- I WANT MY WARM-UP SUIT!

- HEY, ARE YOU GUYS FIGHTING?

- NO, DEAR. YOUR FATHER'S JUST BEHAVING LIKE AN ASS.

- WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW. YOU MARRIED ONE.

- YES, I DID, AND I'M STARTING TO REGRET IT!

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? IT'S TIME TO FEED MY STOMACH!

- FEED IT YOURSELF! [DOOR SLAMS]

- WELL, BRAK, IT LOOKS LIKE ONCE AGAIN I AM THE WINNER.

- [HUMMING]

- HOW'S IT GOING, GIRLS?

- HEY, HEY, HEY, ZORAK, WHO'S THAT GUY WITH YOU?

- ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I AM MOBAB VON HOFFMAN.

PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD OF ME.

- I SURE HAVE-- JUST A SECOND AGO,

WHEN YOU SAID, "I AM MOBAB VON HOFFMAN."

- HEH HEH HEH! YOU'RE NOT VERY BRIGHT, ARE YOU?

- WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

- AH, THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT MEETING NEW PEOPLE.

THEY'RE NOT AS SMART AS I AM.

- HEH HEH HEH HEH! AIN'T HE A RIOT? I MET HIM AT THE CLUB.

- YES, THE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB. GENTLEMEN ONLY, PLEASE.

- CAN I JOIN? I'M A GENTLEMAN. WATCH THIS.

[BRITISH ACCENT] ALLOW ME TO PEEL YOUR BISCUIT, GRANDMAMA.

- I'M SORRY, BUT ZORAK TOOK THE LAST AVAILABLE MEMBERSHIP,

FOLLOWING THE UNTIMELY PASSING OF COLONEL NOSEWORTHY.

- HEH! YEAH.

IT TOOK HIM ALL NIGHT TO DIE. HEH HEH.

- BRAK, TELL YOUR FATHER THAT HIS PUPPETS HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

- THEY'RE NOT PUPPETS, THEY'RE MARIONETTES!

- NOT ANYMORE.

- AHHH!

AND WHO IS THIS VISION OF EXQUISITE BEAUTY?

- FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK.

♪ THAT'S MY MOM ♪

♪ SHE GOES BY THE NAME OF MOM ♪

♪ "M" IS FOR HER RAZZMATAZZ ♪

♪ "O" IS FOR THE WAY SHE TALKS ♪

♪ THE OTHER "M" IS THERE BECAUSE ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T HAVE A MOM WITHOUT "Ms" ♪

AH!

- WHAT A LOVELY NAME--

"MOM."

HOW IT ROLLS OFF THE BEAK,

LIKE SWEET SPRING RAIN

KISSING THE PLUMP, RIPE SKIN OF A NECTARINE

AS IT BEGS TO BE PLUCKED AND DEVOURED.

- OH, WHAT A WONDERFUL COMPLIMENT.

I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN WHAT ONE SOUNDED LIKE.

- OH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

JUST YESTERDAY I SAY YOU WERE A LUCKY WOMAN... TO HAVE A MAN LIKE ME.

- YOU SELF-CENTERED BOOB.

YOU HAVE THE BRIGHTEST STAR IN ALL THE GALAXIES,

BUT YOU CAN'T SEE PAST YOUR OWN GREASY MUSTACHE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.

MOTHER, MY MUSTACHE NEEDS GROOMING. HOP TO IT.

- OOH! - COME ON.

I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

- OH, DEAR LADY, LET ME TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ALL THIS.

I'LL SHOW YOU THE WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE.

- COME TO THINK OF IT, I COULD USE A LITTLE TIME AWAY

FROM...SOME PEOPLE.

- WELL, YOU'RE NOT TAKING BILLY WHISKERS.

HE STAYS WITH ME.

- BAAA!

- MOM, ARE YOU REALLY GOING AWAY WITH THIS GERMAN GENTLEMAN?

- WHY, YES, DEAR, I THINK I MIGHT,

AND I'M NOT SURE WHEN I'LL BE BACK.

- OH, I GET IT.

- SHALL WE GO, MY DARLING?

THE UNIVERSE BECKONS.

- OOH, MOBAB. THE PLAYER HAS PLAYED.

- DAD, SHE'S GONE!

WHEN I SAID I GOT IT, I WAS TRYING TO LOOK SMART!

BUT I'M NOT SMART! I DIDN'T GET IT AT ALL!

- BRAK, STOP BAWLING.

SHE PROBABLY JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR,

PREPARING TO CRAWL IN AND BEG ME TO TAKE HER BACK.

OK, SHE'S GONE.

[WAILING]

- IT'S YOUR FAULT, ZORAK.

IF YOU HADN'T BROUGHT THAT BRUTALLY HANDSOME GENTLEMAN INTO THIS HOUSE,

I'D STILL HAVE A MOMMY!

- AND I WOULD STILL HAVE A ROBUST WOMAN

TO CARRY MY COFFEE BEANS TO THE ROASTING FACILITY!

- I FEEL SO ABANDONED!

WHO'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF US TILL MOM GETS BACK?

- WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

- HMM. I WONDER...

- AND HOW ARE THE MEN IN MY LIFE TODAY?

- FANTASTIC. I GREW 6 INCHES LAST NIGHT.

- OH, YOU!

- I GREW 6 INCHES, TOO, MOM!

- I NEED NEW PANTS.

- WHO'S FOR JOHNNYCAKES?

- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

- WHY, I'M TENDING TO THE NEEDS OF MY LOVED ONES.

- COME ON! WE'RE GETTIN' OUT OF HERE!

- MAMA! DON'T LEAVE ME!

- GOOD-BYE, SON.

- AW, MAN!

THAT'S THE SECOND MOM I LOST, AND IT'S NOT EVEN LUNCHTIME!

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I'LL TELL YOU, DAD, IN SONG.

♪ GOOD OLD MOM ♪

♪ WITH COOKIE CRUMBS IN HER HAIR ♪

♪ I MISS HER SO ♪

♪ WHO'S GONNA ACID-WASH MY JEANS? ♪

♪ WHO'S GONNA PORK MY PORK AND BEANS?

- ♪ WHO WILL RINSE MY MUSTACHE CLEAN? ♪

♪ WHEREFORE ART THOU, MOM? ♪

- I'VE ALWAYS SAID THERE'S NOTHING QUITE AS ROMANTIC

AS STROLLING THE 42nd MOON OF DYMEXION

DURING THE SEASON OF GLARNENNA.

DON'T YOU AGREE, DARLING?

- YES, IT--IT'S ALL BEEN VERY NICE,

BUT I REALLY THINK THAT I SHOULD JUST--

- ♪ MY LOVE ♪

♪ SHE'S A VERY SEXY LADY ♪

♪ THE KIND YOU CAN TAKE HOME TO MOMMY ♪

♪ WILL YOU MARRY ME? ♪

- MR. VON HOFFMAN, I CAN'T MARRY YOU. I'M ALREADY MARRIED.

- UNHAPPILY, I MIGHT ADD.

- DON'T LET APPEARANCES FOOL YOU.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH.

- THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM TO ACCOMPANY ME ON THIS ROMANTIC JUNKET?

- I WANTED TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS.

I--I'M SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.

NOW, IF YOU COULD JUST TAKE ME HOME TO MY FAMILY--

- OH, NO. THAT WOULD BE QUITE UNACCEPTABLE, THANK YOU.

I HAVE PLANS FOR US.

HA HA HA HA!

BIG, BIG PLANS.

HA HA HA HA...

- OH, DEAR.

- BRAK, HAVE YOU FINISHED STRAIGHTENING UP THE KITCHEN?

- AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN DIDDY. [FLIES BUZZING]

- AND THE, UH, LIVING ROOM-- IS IT STILL ON FIRE?

- YEAH, BUT I THINK I MIGHT HAVE IT CONTAINED.

- WELL, THEN, I THINK WE'RE GETTING ALONG JUST FINE WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER.

DON'T YOU? HEY, LOOK AT THIS:

"HANDSOME MONSTER STEALING WOMEN."

- HEY, DAD, THAT LOOKS LIKE MOBAB!

- IT DOES, DOESN'T IT? OH, LOOK!

THE EXPLODING CIRCUS IS COMING TO TOWN, ONE NIGHT ONLY!

I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO THAT.

- DAD, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? MOM'S IN DANGER!

WE HAVE TO SAVE HER!

- AI!

- HEY, GIVE ME 10 BUCKS.

- ZORAK! MOBAB HAS MOMNAPPED MOM!

WE NEED TO KNOW WHERE HE LIVES, RIGHT NOW!

- AH, CERTAINLY.

I THINK I COULD PROVIDE YOU WITH THAT INFORMATION.

- THANKS, BUDDY. I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU.

- I WOULD THINK A GENTLEMAN OF MY STATURE

WOULD REQUIRE A FEE OF, SAY, $50 TO FUND MY EVENING'S ENTERTAINMENT.

- ZORAK, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MY MOM'S LIFE HERE!

- SO WE ARE, SO WE ARE.

IT'S ALWAYS HARD TO PUT A PRICE ON LIFE,

ESPECIALLY ONE'S MOTHER.

SO HOW ABOUT 75 BUCKS?

- I HAVE $3.00 IN CHANGE. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

- YOU, SIR, HAVE A DEAL.

MOBAB LIVES IN A COZY LITTLE CAVE,

AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO GET THERE. YOU GOT TO GO ROUND...

- HEH HEH HEH HEH!

AND SO, MY DARLING, ANY MOMENT NOW,

YOU WILL EMERGE FROM YOUR COCOON,

TRANSFORMED INTO MY IDEAL WOMAN!

AND YOU'LL BE MINE, ALL MINE!

HA HA HA HA!

- OH, HELLO THERE, HANDSOME MONSTER!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ME TO THE PICTURE SHOW?

I'LL SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME.

- BRAK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- BRAK? OH, NO!

MY NAME IS GLORIA--

G-L-O-R-I-A.

- BRAK? - WHAT?

- WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF I HAD SUCCUMBED TO YOUR ADVANCES?

ARE YOU PREPARED FOR MY KIND OF LOVE?

- WELL, I WASN'T GONNA LET YOU SCORE OR NOTHIN'--

- THAT'S A TERRIBLE COSTUME. TERRIBLE.

I CAN SEE THE STITCHING.

- WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME! WE DID THE BEST WE COULD!

- WELL, YOUR PLAN, SUCH AS IT WAS, HAS FAILED.

MOM IS MINE NOW. YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

NEVER! HA HA HA HA!

AH.

- OH, MOTHER, IF ONLY YOU WERE HERE,

I WOULD PEPPER THE CHEEK OF YOUR CHOICE

WITH SPECIAL KISSES OF SADNESS AND REGRET.

- [SIGHS]

- FOR MUCH LIKE THE MELON

WHO DOESN'T STOP TO THANK THE FERTILIZER

FOR MAKING IT FAT AND DELICIOUS,

I HAVE NEGLECTED YOU.

- [MUFFLED GRUNTING]

- WHAT WAS THAT? - I HEARD NOTHING.

- [MUFFLED GRUNTING]

- I DIDN'T HEAR THAT, EITHER.

♪ LA DA DEE DEE DEE... ♪

- AAH! MOBAB!

- W-WHY, MOTHER! WHAT A SURPRISE.

HEH HEH HEH!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING YOUR INK CHANGED TODAY.

- YOU'VE GOT A WOMAN IN THERE!

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT COCOONING IN MY HOUSE!

- I'M 35, MOTHER!

I LIVE IN YOUR BASEMENT! I'M LONELY!

- WELL, NO WONDER YOU'RE LONELY! LOOK AT YOU! NOT A HAIR ON YOU!

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, MOTHER? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE AWAY MY TINY PIES, ARE YOU?

- YOU HAVE SEEN YOUR LAST TINY PIE, YOUNG MAN!

- OH, PLEASE DON'T, MOMMY.

I'LL SING YOUR FAVORITE SONG. AHEM.

♪ YOU KNOW HOW YOUR SONNY BUNNY LOVES HIS TINY PIES ♪

- AW, SHUT UP!

- DAD, DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID?

THERE'S A WOMAN IN THAT COCOON! YOU THINK IT'S MOM?

- WELL, SHE IS A WOMAN.

HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TALK TO

ABOUT GETTING ONE OF THOSE PIES?

- WE NEED TO GET HER OUT OF THERE.

- I'M NOT TOUCHING THAT THING.

- BUT, DAD-- - MY BACK HURTS.

[RUMBLING, CRACKING]

- IT'S HATCHING, DADDY!

- UH-OH.

- MOM?

- YOU KNOW, MOTHER, I MEANT EVERYTHING I SAID BACK THERE.

- [SQUAWKS]

- HEY, DAD, HOW LONG YOU THINK MOM'S GONNA BE LIKE THIS?

- I DON'T KNOW,

BUT I THINK I'M GOING TO BUNK WITH YOU FOR A WHILE.

- HEY, LOOK, THERE'S MY SCHOOL.

- YES, AND OVER THERE'S THE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB.

- I RODE WITH COLONEL NOSEWORTHY

IN THE HABERDASHERY CAMPAIGN.

[CLEARING THROAT, STAMMERING]

- SCREW YOU!

- [CHUCKLING] WHAT A SPORT!

WHEN I SAID THAT I RODE WITH COLONEL NOSEWORTHY

IN THE HABERDASHERY CAMPAIGN, YOU TOLD ME TO SCREW ME!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--

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