Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--

- HEY, ZORAK.

GUESS WHAT I'M GONNA BE AT THE TALENT SHOW THIS YEAR.

- A LOSER. - EHH! WRONG!

I'M GONNA BE A POTATO AND SING MY AMAZING POTATO SONG.

- UGH. I CAN'T WAIT NOT TO HEAR IT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? AREN'T YOU GONNA BE THERE?

- OH. I'LL BE THERE. I'LL BE THERE.

[SCREAMING]

HOO HOO HAW HA! HOO HOO HAW HA!

HOO HA HA HA!

- HOT POTATO COMING THROUGH!

- BURN! BURN!

- SO THEN I GET A LETTER THAT SAYS,

"PLEASE STOP SENDING DEVILED EGGS TO THE BISHOP."

- MAYBE YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR RECIPE, DEAR.

- MY RECIPE IS PERFECT! THE BISHOP IS A FOOL.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'LL GET IT. WHO IS IT?

- IT IS I--CLONEBORG.

- MOTHER, DO WE KNOW A MR. I CLONEBORG?

- WELL, NOW, LET'S SEE.

[CRASH]

[WHIRRING]

- I HAVE COME TO DESTROY YOU.

[BEEPING]

PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, THUNDERCLESE.

- WHOA! WHOA! HOLD ON THERE, STEELY DAN.

I AM HAPPY TO REPORT, I AM NOT THUNDERCLESE.

- HE LIVES DOWN THE STREET IN THE BIG BLACK FORTRESS.

[BEEPING]

- OUT THE DOOR AND TO THE LEFT. YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

- EXCEPT FOR THAT YOU ALREADY DID.

- PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, THUNDERCLESE.

- WELL, HE SEEMED NICE ENOUGH.

- OH. DOES SOMEONE HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND?

- NOW, HONEY, ALL I SAID WAS--

- I MAY NOT HAVE 17-INCH CLAWS, BUT WHEN I GRIP YOU,

YOU'LL KNOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN GRIPPED!

- GOOD MORNING, MOM. GOOD MORNING, DAAH!

- HA HA HA! YOU FELL.

- OH, NOW LOOK. THAT CLONEBORG LEFT

A PUDDLE OF OIL ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR.

- CLONEBORG? DID HE KILL ANYBODY?

- NO. HE HAD THE WRONG ADDRESS,

SO WE SENT HIM OVER TO THUNDERCLESE'S.

- SMACKDOWN! OH, YEAH!

[DOOR SHUTS]

[LASERS FIRE]

[EXPLOSION]

AAH!

OHH.

- ZORAK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH. I THINK I--

- OH. WAIT A MINUTE. I'LL GO GET MY JAR.

- AGAIN WITH THE JAR. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BUILDING A MONSTER?

OH. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU ARE.

HOW'S THAT COMING FOR YOU?

- VERY NICELY, THANK YOU.

- FINALLY. ECH. I WAS DYING OUT THERE.

HEY, SWEETCHEEKS, GET ME A BEER, WILL YOU?

- I HAVE SOME ROOT BEER.

- DID I SAY ROOT BEER?

- HEY, ZORAK. HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOU.

- YEAH. I WAS JUST NOTICING THAT.

- AND YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MAN VOICE.

- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

- LET ME EXPLAIN, KID.

THE NAME'S CARMINE. THAT'S RIGHT--CARMINE.

I'VE BEEN LIVING IN YOUR THROAT FOR YEARS.

WHEN YOU TOOK THAT SHOT TO THE NECK JUST NOW,

IT SHOOK ME LOOSE.

- WELL, THIS SUCKS. PASS THAT JAR OVER.

I'M GONNA SWALLOW THAT LUMP TO GET MY VOICE BACK.

- THAT WOULD BE A BIG MISTAKE, JACK.

I CAN MAKE YOU RICH, AND I MEAN STUPID RICH.

- I'M LISTENING.

THAT NEW VOICE OF YOURS IS A GOLD MINE.

THAT'S RIGHT, A MINE FULL OF GOLD.

GO ON. TRY IT OUT. WHY DON'T YOU SING A FEW BARS?

- WHY DON'T YOU BITE ME?

- LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE SINGER?

- NOTORIOUS FLUFFY G.

- THAT'S RIGHT, HE IS, BUT WHEN I MET HIM,

HE WAS A HAIRBALL LIVING IN A FAT MAN'S POCKET.

- WOW.

- THEN I TAUGHT HIM EVERYTHING I KNOW,

AND TODAY, HE AND HIS MULTIMILLIONS

LIVE IN THE BIGGEST MANSION IN MANSIONLAND.

- AND YOU DID ALL THIS LIVING IN ZORAK'S THROAT?

- BUTT OUT, GRAMPS. I'M TALKING ABOUT MANSIONLAND!

- MANSIONLAND. HMM.

- GO AHEAD AND SING SOMETHING, ZORAK.

- OF COURSE, IT WON'T BE AS GOOD AS ME,

BUT THEN, WHO IS?

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SING.

- JUST SING WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART, DEAR.

- ALL RIGHT. YOU ASKED FOR IT.

♪ MY HEART IS FULL OF HATRED AND LOATHING ♪

♪ FOR YOUR UGLY FACES AND STUPID, STUPID CLOTHING ♪

- OH, ZORAK, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

- IF MY EARS COULD TALK, THEY WOULD SAY,

"THANK YOU, ZORAK. YOU HAVE ENRICHED US BOTH."

- I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS SO GREAT.

- I MEAN, WHERE WERE THE COSTUMES?

WHERE WERE THE FLASH POTS? WHERE WAS THE DRY ICE FOG?

- WHOA! DO I SMELL THE STINK OF JEALOUSY?

[FART]

- ZORAK, WHY DON'T YOU SING THAT SONG

TONIGHT AT THE TALENT SHOW?

YOU'D BE CERTAIN TO WIN FIRST PRIZE.

- DON'T YOU MEAN SECOND PRIZE, MOM?

- OF COURSE, DEAR.

YOU'RE GOING TO WIN.

- THE BROAD'S RIGHT, KID.

COME ON. LET'S GO WORK UP A NUMBER.

- YEAH, ZORAK. YOU GO OFF WITH YOUR NEW FRIEND CARMINE,

BUT I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT THE TALENT SHOW,

AND WHEN I SAY SEE YOU, I MEAN SEE YOU, BUDDY,

BECAUSE POTATOES HAVE QUITE A NUMBER OF EYES!

NYAH, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

WELL, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE.

- IT IS I--CLONEBORG TWO.

I HAVE COME TO AVENGE THE DEATH OF--

[BEEPING]

CLONEBORG.

- AY CON FLAUTAS. NOT AGAIN.

- ♪ OH, I'M A JOLLY SPUD, AND PEOPLE CALL ME BUD ♪

♪ I LIVE DOWN IN THE MUD

♪ WITH ALL THE OTHER TUBERS

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

TOP THAT, GENTLEMEN.

- ALL RIGHT, KID.

GET OUT THERE AND WASH THE STINK OUT OF THEIR HEADS.

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

- ♪ I WANT TO KICK YOUR ASS UNTIL YOUR HEAD FALLS OFF ♪

♪ THEN I'LL KICK YOUR HEAD AND KICK YOUR ASS AGAIN ♪

♪ WHY? I DON'T THINK IT'S LEARNED ITS LESSON ♪

♪ OPEN THE DOOR, SUCKER

♪ IT'S ZORAK HERE TO KICK YOUR ASS ♪

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'RE AN UGLY AUDIENCE, AND I HATE YOU ALL.

- AND THE WINNER IS ZORAK!

- I'M NOT KIDDING. YOU MAKE ME SICK.

- SAVE SOME FOR LATER, KID. MONEY!

- YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

MY POTATO SONG HAS WON THIS CONTEST EVERY YEAR.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

- LOOK, ZORAK. HE'S GONNA CRY.

- YEAH. WHY DOESN'T HE GO CRY TO HIS MOMMY?

- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I INTEND TO DO

RIGHT AFTER I TELL YOU THAT WE'RE OFFICIALLY...

[GASPS]

BROKEN UP!

- WELL, BABY, THE SWEETBREAD'S IN THE OVEN,

AND THE SUN'S COMING UP ON THE CABBAGE FARM.

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- UH, NEVER MIND. LET'S GO.

I GOT YOU BOOKED SOLID FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS!

- WHAT A NIGHT!

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

- MONEY!

- I'M RICH!

- HEY. I GOT ANOTHER ROUTINE TO TRY ON YOU GUYS, OK?

- BRAK, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR WEEKS.

[EXPLOSION]

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

- NOW, FATHER. GO AHEAD, BRAK. SING US YOUR LITTLE SONG.

- ♪ I'M HOT FOR YOU, BABY, I'M A BIG OLD BEET ♪

♪ I'M RED BUT NOT EMBARRASSED, AND I AM GOOD WITH MEAT ♪

♪ OF COURSE, I MAKE AN EXCELLENT BORSCHT ♪

♪ AND I'M HOT FOR YOU, BABY

- WELL, YOU'RE NO ZORAK.

- AW, MAN. I GIVE UP.

- HONEY, MAYBE PEOPLE JUST DON'T WANT THEIR VEGETABLES TO SING.

- OR MAYBE WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS JUST NO GOOD.

- YOU KEEP AT IT, BRAKLEY.

I KNOW YOU'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING WONDERFUL.

- YOU KNOW IT, BABY!

- I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO STOP ENCOURAGING HIM.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

MOTHER, DID YOU PUT THE SIGN UP LIKE I TOLD YOU?

- OH, DEAR. I FORGOT.

[BEEPING]

- I AM CLONEBORG 167.

[BEEPING]

I HAVE COME TO--

- THAT'S NICE. DOWN THE STREET ON THE LEFT.

- ♪ LIKE I SAID, I HATE YOU JERKS ♪

♪ WHAT A BUNCH OF STUPID JERKS

♪ I'LL SMACK YOU UP AND STOMP YOU DOWN ♪

♪ STOMP YOU BACK TO UGLYTOWN

♪ OR MAYBE I'LL KICK YOUR FAT ASS ♪

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S ALL YOU GET, MORONS. NOW GO TO HELL.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE]

- HEY, NO, NO, NO!

- I JUST DON'T GET IT.

- WHAT'S UP YOUR SHOOT?

- I TELL THEM HOW MUCH I HATE THEM,

AND THEY LOVE ME FOR IT.

- EH, SO WHAT IF YOU'RE MAKING THE POOR SLOBS HAPPY?

- I HATE IT, THAT'S WHAT.

I LIKED IT A LOT BETTER WHEN I WAS MAKING THEM MISERABLE.

- YEAH, BUT THE MONEY'S GOOD, RIGHT?

- WHAT MONEY? YOU HAVEN'T PAID ME YET.

- THAT'S BECAUSE WE'RE BROKE, HONEY BABY,

AND I AIN'T COOKING THE BOOKS, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

- WHAT HAPPENED? WE MUST HAVE MADE A FORTUNE.

- YEAH, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE TAXES.

THEN THE MARKET TANKED, AND THE EX-WIFE CAME CLIMBING UP MY POLE AGAIN.

BUT DON'T WORRY, BIG DADDY. WE'LL MAKE MORE MONEY.

- NO, WE WON'T, BECAUSE I QUIT.

NOW GIVE ME MY VOICE BACK.

- HA! SORRY, JUNIOR,

BUT I'VE HAD A TASTE OF THE GOOD LIFE,

AND THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M GOING BACK TO CLOWNTOWN.

SO LONG, SUCKER. HA HA HA! HA HA HA!

- UH, WHERE'S MY LUNCH?

- OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE--

MR. WINS THE TALENT SHOW, DESERTS HIS BEST FRIEND TO BE A FAMOUS SINGER

ONLY TO FIND THAT HE'S UNHAPPY MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY...

[INHALES]

AND NOT GETTING PAID, SO HE QUITS THE MUSIC BUSINESS

AND COMES BACK BEGGING FOR MY FORGIVENESS,

WHICH I WILL HAPPILY GIVE.

I LOVE YOU, ZORAK!

- STAY AWAY FROM ME.

- OK. THAT'S SETTLED.

NOW WE NEED TO GET YOUR VOICE BACK.

WHERE'S CARMINE?

- DAMNED IF I KNOW.

- ACCORDING TO THIS, HE HAS USED ZORAK'S MONEY TO PURCHASE

THE MOST SPLENDID MANSION IN MANSIONLAND.

- HE SAID WE WERE BROKE.

- NO. IT SAYS HERE THAT WAS A LIE.

- COME ON, BUDDY. WE'RE HEADING FOR MANSIONLAND.

IT'S TIME TO PUT A LUMP IN YOUR THROAT.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- THUNDERCLESE DOES NOT LIVE HERE!

- I KNOW WHERE HE LIVES. I'D RATHER NOT GO DOWN THERE.

I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

- AH. LET ME GET YOU A DEVILED EGG.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- YEAH. WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR, CHIEF?

- GREETINGS. I HAVE RECENTLY BEEN TOLD

THAT I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MAN VOICE.

I AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE

WHO CAN MAKE ME A SUCCESSFUL SINGER ON THE STAGE.

- WELL, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

THAT VOICE OF YOURS IS MONEY IN THE BANK.

THAT'S RIGHT, A BANK FULL OF MONEY.

- I CERTAINLY HOPE I WON'T HAVE TO SHAVE OFF

MY HANDSOME MUSTACHE AND DERBY HAT.

- ARE YOU KIDDING? DON'T TOUCH IT. COME ON IN.

- GET HIM, ZORAK! - DON'T TOUCH THE LID!

- OHH! THAT'S IT! WATCH OUT! GET HIM!

OHH! GRAB HIM!

- AAH!

[GULP]

- WELCOME HOME, JACKASS.

- ZORAK, YOU GOT YOUR VOICE BACK.

WE DID IT!

BOY, I'M SURE HAPPY THAT WE'RE FRIENDS AGAIN.

- GET LOST!

- OHH! GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK, BUDDY!

MY NOSE IS BLEEDING.

- ♪ YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FOOL STEPPING UP ON ME ♪

♪ BECAUSE I'M THE ONE AND ONLY NOTORIOUS FLUFFY G ♪

♪ AND WHEN I SEE YOUR GIRLIE WALKING DOWN THE STREET ♪

- ♪ HOW YOU GET SO FLUFFY?

- ♪ WHAT SHE SAYS TO ME

- ♪ HOW YOU GET SO FLUFFY?

- ♪ OH, YEAH

- ♪ HOW YOU GET SO FLUFFY?

- ♪ HA HA! HA HA!

- ♪ HOW YOU GET SO FLUFFY?

- ♪ LOOK HOW FLUFF I BE

- ♪ HOW YOU GET SO FLUFFY?

- ♪ STRAIGHT UP FLUFFY, SEE

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