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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,175 --> 00:00:03,842 (TYPING) 2 00:00:03,844 --> 00:00:05,844 Excuse me. Could you help me find a book? 3 00:00:05,846 --> 00:00:09,047 - Ah. - "Virginia's Bacchanal" by Elodie Goldblatt. 4 00:00:09,049 --> 00:00:11,116 Yeah. That should be under Adult Fiction in the Gs. 5 00:00:11,118 --> 00:00:13,051 - I'm happy to walk you over. - No. It's not there. 6 00:00:13,053 --> 00:00:15,187 Oh. Well, that means it's misfiled, 7 00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:16,688 and if that's the case, it'll take some time to... 8 00:00:16,690 --> 00:00:18,190 Uh, check the tables behind the Caribbean 9 00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,557 and Black Studies section. 10 00:00:19,559 --> 00:00:20,758 Oh. Thanks. 11 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,426 JAQ: Mm. 12 00:00:22,428 --> 00:00:24,328 - Um... - It's the hot new shame-read, 13 00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:25,729 and there's a quiet table back there 14 00:00:25,731 --> 00:00:27,164 where you can read without any judgment. 15 00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:30,100 Right. Things work differently here. 16 00:00:30,102 --> 00:00:31,969 - (KIDS SHOUTING) - Uh, excuse me! 17 00:00:31,971 --> 00:00:33,637 Please don't run in the library! 18 00:00:33,639 --> 00:00:35,472 My God. You're such a kid-hater. 19 00:00:35,474 --> 00:00:38,943 I don't hate kids. I'd hate them if they ran at any age. 20 00:00:38,945 --> 00:00:40,978 - Yeah. - (GRUNTING) 21 00:00:42,581 --> 00:00:43,647 (SIGHING) 22 00:00:48,721 --> 00:00:50,787 (RATTLING) 23 00:00:54,861 --> 00:00:56,360 (GROANING) 24 00:00:56,362 --> 00:00:58,128 Hmm. Having a bit of a morning? 25 00:00:58,130 --> 00:01:01,232 Yeah, well, between a system that I don't fully understand, 26 00:01:01,234 --> 00:01:02,899 patrons I can't seem to connect with, 27 00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:06,202 and an infrastructure I can only describe as hostile, 28 00:01:06,204 --> 00:01:08,804 yeah, I seem to be having some trouble fitting in. 29 00:01:08,806 --> 00:01:11,674 Mm. When I was new, I had trouble adjusting, too. 30 00:01:11,676 --> 00:01:13,999 - So, you know what I did? - You requested a transfer to Midtown. 31 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,570 No. I found the thing that made me fit in here. 32 00:01:16,571 --> 00:01:19,715 Like, Jaq's thing is working the library's socials, 33 00:01:19,717 --> 00:01:21,417 and Bryce's thing is enforcing the rules. 34 00:01:21,419 --> 00:01:24,988 And mine thing is finding new ways to build community. 35 00:01:24,990 --> 00:01:27,757 Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. 36 00:01:27,759 --> 00:01:28,892 Um, I'll think on it. 37 00:01:28,894 --> 00:01:30,659 Yeah. 38 00:01:30,661 --> 00:01:33,796 My thing. What is my... 39 00:01:33,798 --> 00:01:34,964 Oh! Thing! Oh! 40 00:01:34,966 --> 00:01:39,735 ♪ 41 00:01:39,737 --> 00:01:41,070 - (HOWARD WHISTLING) - JAQ: So, yeah. We should get 42 00:01:41,072 --> 00:01:42,738 a branch hamster. Hmm? 43 00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:43,806 - Huh. - Yeah. 44 00:01:43,808 --> 00:01:45,307 Huh? 45 00:01:45,309 --> 00:01:48,377 Well, you are in a better mood today there, Big Library. 46 00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:50,112 What, did you overhear somebody 47 00:01:50,114 --> 00:01:53,015 correctly conjugate the word "alumni"? 48 00:01:53,017 --> 00:01:55,885 Well, that's actually to decline, not conjugate, and no. 49 00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:57,420 I just had a talk with Wendy, and now, 50 00:01:57,422 --> 00:01:58,921 I think I know my thing. 51 00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:01,123 You going to write sexy fanfic about Heritage Minutes? 52 00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:03,726 I'm going to help this place run more smoothly 53 00:02:03,728 --> 00:02:05,360 by making some much-needed fixes. 54 00:02:05,362 --> 00:02:08,798 Huh. Not a bad idea. I can think of two or three things. 55 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,535 Oh, well, why don't you add them to the list of 27 things? 56 00:02:12,537 --> 00:02:14,002 Okay. 57 00:02:14,004 --> 00:02:16,104 What can I say? I love making lists. 58 00:02:16,106 --> 00:02:19,007 Would you be okay with me using the library's socials 59 00:02:19,009 --> 00:02:22,010 to document this disas... uh, project? 60 00:02:22,012 --> 00:02:25,180 Oh, yes, of course. In fact, it's the list I could do. 61 00:02:25,182 --> 00:02:27,048 (HOWARD GIGGLING) 62 00:02:27,050 --> 00:02:30,217 You should use the "at" symbol for Midtown on this. 63 00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:32,019 Yeah, I will. Who's Patt. Truth? 64 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,521 And why have they tagged us eight times today? 65 00:02:33,523 --> 00:02:37,024 (CHUCKLES) Patton Jefferson tagged us. 66 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,526 Who's that? 67 00:02:38,528 --> 00:02:42,330 You really... He's a speaker of uncomfortable truths, 68 00:02:42,332 --> 00:02:45,132 a prober of hard questions. 69 00:02:45,134 --> 00:02:47,168 A host of a bad podcast. 70 00:02:47,170 --> 00:02:48,937 It's called Lamestream Bias, 71 00:02:48,939 --> 00:02:52,507 and it's just misinformation and ads for testosterone cereal. 72 00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:55,443 - Cereal bars, young lady. - Why is he tagging us? 73 00:02:55,445 --> 00:02:58,613 It looks like he's been slagging public institutions all week. 74 00:02:58,615 --> 00:03:03,117 "The biggest waste of taxpayer money... lie-bar-aries." 75 00:03:03,119 --> 00:03:05,887 Clever. And he's gone on to tag every Toronto branch. 76 00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,488 Sorry I'm late, everyone. 77 00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:09,990 I got carried away designing a flyer 78 00:03:09,992 --> 00:03:13,627 - for our exciting new project. - Oh. 79 00:03:13,629 --> 00:03:15,529 We're starting a human library. 80 00:03:15,531 --> 00:03:18,198 What the bleep is a human library? 81 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,266 It's a community-building initiative 82 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:24,471 where people can volunteer to be borrowed from the library. 83 00:03:24,473 --> 00:03:26,974 - JAQ: Borrow people? - WENDY: What I mean by "borrow" 84 00:03:26,976 --> 00:03:30,076 is that you would have an eye-opening conversation 85 00:03:30,078 --> 00:03:31,845 with an interesting Parkdalian 86 00:03:31,847 --> 00:03:34,080 about their exciting life story. 87 00:03:34,082 --> 00:03:35,616 Could we maybe change the name? 88 00:03:35,618 --> 00:03:37,083 To what? 89 00:03:37,085 --> 00:03:39,219 I don't know. Uh... Peopliothèque. 90 00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:40,487 (JAQ, BRYCE CHUCKLING) 91 00:03:40,489 --> 00:03:42,789 - JAQ: Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. 92 00:03:42,791 --> 00:03:45,058 (JAQ, BRYCE MURMURING INDISTINCTLY) 93 00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:47,460 - BRYCE: Bit of a mouthful. - That's perfect. 94 00:03:47,462 --> 00:03:51,597 - You're good, Howard. - Peopliothèque. 95 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,166 (HOWARD WHISTLING) 96 00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,267 (BELL JINGLING) 97 00:03:57,038 --> 00:03:58,470 - Howard. - Sheila. 98 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,488 - SHEILA: Hi. - What... what are you doing here? 99 00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:01,741 Why aren't you at the Settlement Desk? 100 00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:03,809 Oh, I'm only there 10 hours a week. The rest of the time, 101 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,110 I'm trying to get my law degree. 102 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,880 Law degree. My goodness. 103 00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:10,016 Objection. Sustained. Overruled. 104 00:04:10,018 --> 00:04:12,718 - Cool. You have a TV. - Uh... 105 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,921 My parents own this place, and I cover the changeover, 106 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,556 because they're divorced. 107 00:04:16,558 --> 00:04:19,926 Like, pending restraining order divorced. 108 00:04:19,928 --> 00:04:22,428 - My dad. - So good to meet you. 109 00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,664 - I'm Howard. - You have a job? 110 00:04:24,666 --> 00:04:27,099 - Yeah, at the library. - Nice to meet 111 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:30,369 Sheila's handsome friend with a job. (LAUGHING) 112 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,171 Oh, seems like my dad has a crush on you. 113 00:04:32,173 --> 00:04:34,473 - Oh. - What can I get for you? 114 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,976 I'll get it. You two catch up, nah. What would you like? 115 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:40,179 Oh, I'll take a mostly-damp matcha latte cappuccino 116 00:04:40,181 --> 00:04:42,013 with oat milk, and I say "mostly damp" because, of course, 117 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,383 I prefer it just a centimetre more wet than dry. 118 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,122 (OSWALD MURMURING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 119 00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:51,656 So, what's with the cheery mood? 120 00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:55,794 Well, I have identified 27 different inefficiencies 121 00:04:55,796 --> 00:05:00,065 at the library, and today, I am going to fix them all. 122 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,166 Wow. 123 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,834 Oh, can you wipe the steamer, please? 124 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,804 (MURMURING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 125 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,473 - (BANGING) - Ah. 126 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,741 Yeah. I got to work on my stuff, too, at the Settlement Desk, 127 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,076 you know, make it more accessible, touch up the sign. 128 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,978 You know, we get so many new Canadians in. 129 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,513 They can't even seem to find the desk. They spend 130 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,515 half their appointment trying to find me. 131 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,850 - Oh, really? - (BANGING) 132 00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:21,319 HOWARD: Um, thank you. 133 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,354 Um, and sorry for the trouble. 134 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,525 Mostly damp? What kind of foolishness is that? 135 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,193 - I don't know, Dad. - It wet. 136 00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:39,637 (SIGHING) 137 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,374 And with that, incipiat Fix-It Day. 138 00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:48,912 (CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS IN AIRPODS) 139 00:05:48,914 --> 00:05:54,914 ♪ 140 00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:06,092 ♪ 141 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,706 - (CAMERA SNAPPING) - Okay. For this one, 142 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,908 use a catchy hashtag, like "better Than ever." 143 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,743 Okay. Just when I thought it couldn't get cheesier 144 00:06:19,745 --> 00:06:21,344 than "to-do list duellist." 145 00:06:21,346 --> 00:06:23,346 Oh, don't forget to tag Midtown and Isla. 146 00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:25,182 Right. Okay. Yeah. I'm totally going to tag your ex 147 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,950 in a post that says you're doing totally great. 148 00:06:26,952 --> 00:06:28,318 You know what? You're right. 149 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,953 She'll see it from the Midtown account. 150 00:06:29,955 --> 00:06:31,722 (GROANING) God. Oh. 151 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,623 This Patton Jefferson again. 152 00:06:33,625 --> 00:06:35,291 Oh. What? 153 00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,660 "Our city's library system is a hashtag mess. 154 00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:39,729 Shame our tax dollars are getting wasted." 155 00:06:39,731 --> 00:06:41,263 The only thing he hates more than us 156 00:06:41,265 --> 00:06:44,233 is a properly placed period! Zing! Alliteration. 157 00:06:44,235 --> 00:06:45,902 You know what? I have a witty retort of my own. 158 00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:47,603 - No. Just don't feed the troll. - No, no, no, no. 159 00:06:47,605 --> 00:06:50,306 "Mr. Jefferson, why don't you come down to our library? 160 00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:53,475 I think you'll find that it's hashtag better than ever." 161 00:06:53,477 --> 00:06:54,711 - Send that. - Okay. 162 00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:56,345 And take a picture of me over here. 163 00:06:56,347 --> 00:06:58,480 Okay. Okay. Yeah. 164 00:06:58,482 --> 00:07:00,282 Okay, and... 165 00:07:00,284 --> 00:07:02,218 - (HOWARD CLEARING THROAT) - (JAQ CHUCKLING) 166 00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:04,153 - (CAMERA SNAPPING) - Got it. 167 00:07:04,155 --> 00:07:05,621 Oh, hey, Jaq! 168 00:07:05,623 --> 00:07:06,823 What do you think? 169 00:07:08,659 --> 00:07:10,860 "Are you an interesting person looking to connect? 170 00:07:10,862 --> 00:07:14,097 Wendy wants to ch... check you out. 171 00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:17,566 Join me for some one on one." 172 00:07:17,568 --> 00:07:19,735 Don't you think it's a little... 173 00:07:19,737 --> 00:07:21,837 Ooh. You're right. I hear it. 174 00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:22,938 JAQ: Mm-hmm. 175 00:07:25,409 --> 00:07:27,376 "One on one... 176 00:07:27,378 --> 00:07:29,778 and a whole lot of fun." 177 00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:30,879 Wink-y face. 178 00:07:30,881 --> 00:07:32,514 - Now, it rhymes. - Yeah. 179 00:07:34,552 --> 00:07:35,651 (CAMERA SNAPPING) 180 00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:37,219 Who's going to tell her? 181 00:07:38,422 --> 00:07:40,021 No one. 182 00:07:40,023 --> 00:07:42,625 We're going to let this play out. 183 00:07:42,627 --> 00:07:44,860 (LAUGHING) 184 00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:47,062 (GRUNTING) 185 00:07:53,604 --> 00:07:55,504 Tastes like success. 186 00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:58,172 And a touch of sulfur. 187 00:07:58,174 --> 00:08:00,241 Bryce, I did it. 188 00:08:00,243 --> 00:08:02,943 All 28 tasks completed. 189 00:08:02,945 --> 00:08:04,178 Tonight, I'm treating myself 190 00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:06,481 to a re-watch of Julie and Julia. 191 00:08:06,483 --> 00:08:08,349 Can't you just eat a block of cheese in the bath 192 00:08:08,351 --> 00:08:12,382 - like everybody else? - Look. I found my thing, all right? 193 00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:13,821 And it's being myself. Turns out, 194 00:08:13,823 --> 00:08:15,423 all this branch needed to run smoothly 195 00:08:15,425 --> 00:08:16,824 was a little Howard after all. 196 00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:19,560 I'm, like, kintsugi personified. 197 00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:21,896 That's those strips of beef on rice, right? 198 00:08:21,898 --> 00:08:25,740 It's the Japanese art of mending cracks in broken pottery using gold. 199 00:08:25,741 --> 00:08:30,171 I'm the gold, and this branch, well, it's the pottery. 200 00:08:30,173 --> 00:08:33,140 Sounds like crackpot art to me. 201 00:08:33,142 --> 00:08:36,411 - Ah. You see what I did there? - Yes. Sadly. 202 00:08:40,316 --> 00:08:42,183 BRYCE MUFFLED: There's a great little kintsugi place 203 00:08:42,185 --> 00:08:44,751 'round the corner if you'd like to go grab some... 204 00:08:46,222 --> 00:08:50,224 (WHISTLING) 205 00:08:52,294 --> 00:08:53,660 What happened? 206 00:08:53,662 --> 00:08:55,862 It's an overnight water catastrophe. 207 00:08:55,864 --> 00:08:58,565 - OWEN: Whew. Fixed it. - Thank goodness, Owen. 208 00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,534 I really appreciate you coming in on your day off. 209 00:09:00,536 --> 00:09:02,669 I would have been here sooner if I wasn't mid-game. 210 00:09:02,671 --> 00:09:05,706 I'll be back on stream in 30, Enrique99. 211 00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,807 WENDY: Puppies in a purse. How did this happen? 212 00:09:07,809 --> 00:09:10,244 Some jerk turned on the valve to the water fountain. 213 00:09:10,246 --> 00:09:13,046 I turned on the valve, but I didn't know about the leak. 214 00:09:13,048 --> 00:09:15,014 Dude, I will snipe you when you're not looking. 215 00:09:15,016 --> 00:09:16,582 - Whoa. - Not you, Howard. 216 00:09:16,584 --> 00:09:18,651 Freakachu is low-key grief-ing me. 217 00:09:18,653 --> 00:09:20,686 Thank you so much for taking initiative. 218 00:09:20,688 --> 00:09:22,921 I so appreciate it, but, um, here's the thing. 219 00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:26,559 Now that this area is wet, after-school tutoring 220 00:09:26,561 --> 00:09:29,061 is going to need to move near the comic books, 221 00:09:29,063 --> 00:09:31,597 which means that the tutees will be distracted, 222 00:09:31,599 --> 00:09:33,098 which means noise, which means... 223 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,368 I wasn't thinking. I'm sick to my stomach. 224 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,336 Uh, next time, I'll make sure to run this by you. 225 00:09:37,338 --> 00:09:38,904 Yeah. Great. 226 00:09:38,906 --> 00:09:41,540 Excuse me. Hi. 227 00:09:41,542 --> 00:09:43,509 - I'm looking for Wendy. - You must be here 228 00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:45,278 for the Peopliothèque. Come with me. 229 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,747 All right. 230 00:09:47,749 --> 00:09:49,749 I am so excited to get this started. 231 00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:52,317 Oh, me, too. I, uh, I heard you're looking to find 232 00:09:52,319 --> 00:09:54,019 that, uh... (MAKING POPPING, CLICKING SOUNDS) 233 00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,954 - ... special someone. - So, tell me about yourself. 234 00:09:55,956 --> 00:09:57,489 Why should I take you out? 235 00:09:57,491 --> 00:09:58,957 Oh, wow. Right to it. Okay. 236 00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:02,460 Well, I run my dad's grocery store. 237 00:10:02,462 --> 00:10:05,497 I drive a second-hand Lexus, 238 00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:07,299 and I own not one 239 00:10:07,301 --> 00:10:10,468 - but two parakeets. - Uh... 240 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:13,939 My friends suggested that I put myself out there more, 241 00:10:13,941 --> 00:10:16,508 so here I am. 242 00:10:16,510 --> 00:10:19,444 Otherwise, I'd just be at home alone, eating soup. 243 00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:20,879 Soup? 244 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,380 I'm the Fantastic Kevin. 245 00:10:22,382 --> 00:10:24,216 Nice to meet you, Kevin. 246 00:10:24,218 --> 00:10:25,483 The Fantastic Kevin. 247 00:10:25,485 --> 00:10:27,652 Oh, sorry. Fantastic Kevin. 248 00:10:27,654 --> 00:10:29,654 The Fantastic Kevin. 249 00:10:30,924 --> 00:10:34,592 Tomato, beef and barley, Italian wedding... 250 00:10:34,594 --> 00:10:37,462 One time, I met Lionel Ritchie... 251 00:10:37,464 --> 00:10:38,563 (GASPING) 252 00:10:38,565 --> 00:10:40,532 ... 's Quebecois impersonator. 253 00:10:40,534 --> 00:10:42,701 Instead of singing "Hello", 254 00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:45,069 he sang "Allô". 255 00:10:45,071 --> 00:10:46,671 Egg drop. Oh. 256 00:10:46,673 --> 00:10:48,172 Chicken. (CHUCKLING) 257 00:10:48,174 --> 00:10:52,276 Chicken noodle if I'm feeling adventurous. (LAUGHING) 258 00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:54,979 I'm telling you, Gatineau is a scene. 259 00:10:54,981 --> 00:10:57,549 - (CHUCKLING) - I got sick the first day 260 00:10:57,551 --> 00:11:00,918 and spent the entire time on fluids. 261 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,886 (CHUCKLING RUEFULLY) 262 00:11:02,888 --> 00:11:05,756 It was... Ugh. 263 00:11:05,758 --> 00:11:10,227 (SLURPS NOISILY) 264 00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:12,295 Mmm. 265 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:16,433 The best trip of my life. 266 00:11:17,837 --> 00:11:18,902 (BEEPING) 267 00:11:20,105 --> 00:11:22,138 (THUMPING) Printer's jammed. 268 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,140 Again? 269 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,409 - Howard! Printer! - Shh. 270 00:11:25,411 --> 00:11:28,412 You know, I know a guy who could fix that, cheap. 271 00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:29,980 He'll even do it for Bitcoin. 272 00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:32,315 Oh, no. We've got it covered. Thanks. 273 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,918 But come see me later about this Bitcoin guy. 274 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,318 Do you even know what Bitcoin is? 275 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,021 - No. - Guys, I found the jam. 276 00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:40,823 That is the third jam today. 277 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,792 Why do so many people have access to the printer? 278 00:11:42,794 --> 00:11:44,861 - JAQ: Mm-hmm. - Oh. I installed the plugin 279 00:11:44,863 --> 00:11:46,462 on all the computers yesterday. 280 00:11:46,464 --> 00:11:48,163 BRYCE: You can only print from one terminal, Howard. 281 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,366 Otherwise, the printer gets overwhelmed. 282 00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:52,234 Now, we are at the mercy of our patrons. 283 00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:54,336 Yeah. Speaking of, does anyone get a weird vibe 284 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:55,538 from them today? 285 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:58,574 They look like a barbecue of dads. 286 00:11:59,577 --> 00:12:02,211 - They're Patt-ree-ots. - Oh. 287 00:12:02,213 --> 00:12:03,746 I'm sorry. Pat-tree-ots? What, have you 288 00:12:03,748 --> 00:12:05,314 only ever read that word before? 289 00:12:05,316 --> 00:12:09,350 Pattriots is what we followers of Patton Jefferson call ourselves. 290 00:12:09,351 --> 00:12:11,185 Ooh, and there's the merch. They got the hats and the t-shirts, 291 00:12:11,187 --> 00:12:12,687 and, oh, they got bottle openers now! 292 00:12:12,689 --> 00:12:14,856 What are they doing at our branch? 293 00:12:14,858 --> 00:12:17,559 Oh! Oh. 294 00:12:17,561 --> 00:12:19,327 Yesterday, I may have inadvertently, 295 00:12:19,329 --> 00:12:20,729 accidentally invited him... 296 00:12:20,731 --> 00:12:21,830 MAN: What's up, Pattriots? 297 00:12:21,832 --> 00:12:25,500 (MEN CHEERING, APPLAUDING) 298 00:12:25,502 --> 00:12:27,702 Wow. So glad to see so many of you here 299 00:12:27,704 --> 00:12:29,771 for my visit to the Jameson Library. 300 00:12:29,773 --> 00:12:33,308 Today, we find out whether it really is "better than ever" 301 00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:36,545 or a complete waste of taxpayers' money! 302 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,112 Ask the tough questions, Patton! 303 00:12:38,114 --> 00:12:39,748 Go back to your own country, Patton! 304 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:42,917 Right! So, smile for the livestream. 305 00:12:42,919 --> 00:12:45,152 (MEN SHOUTING) 306 00:12:45,154 --> 00:12:47,120 (PATTON LAUGHING) 307 00:12:47,122 --> 00:12:50,624 - JAQ: Oh, my God. - HOWARD: Oh, what have I done? 308 00:12:50,626 --> 00:12:51,926 I was born in Parkdale. 309 00:12:51,928 --> 00:12:53,427 Raised right around the corner. 310 00:12:53,429 --> 00:12:57,431 And, um, you started working at a bank or something? 311 00:12:57,433 --> 00:13:00,167 Actually, I moved to Denmark in my early 20s. 312 00:13:00,169 --> 00:13:03,270 - Oh, you did? - Yeah. I just wanted adventure, 313 00:13:03,272 --> 00:13:06,239 which explains how I ended up in Antarctica. 314 00:13:06,241 --> 00:13:08,375 Oh, it's always been my dream to go there. 315 00:13:08,377 --> 00:13:11,144 Yeah, but by then, I was just checking off continents. 316 00:13:11,146 --> 00:13:13,280 The first six were easy, because I was on tour. 317 00:13:13,282 --> 00:13:14,682 Oh. What band did you tour with? 318 00:13:14,684 --> 00:13:16,984 - I wish. - (BOTH LAUGHING) 319 00:13:16,986 --> 00:13:18,352 I was in Cirque Bicyclette. 320 00:13:18,354 --> 00:13:20,387 The French-Canadian circus extravaganza? 321 00:13:20,389 --> 00:13:23,323 But... but now, I just run a small bakery 322 00:13:23,325 --> 00:13:25,892 that Guillermo Del Toro visits whenever he's in town. 323 00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:29,429 Oh, my... Brian, you're practically perfect! 324 00:13:29,431 --> 00:13:32,565 You're the exact person I've been looking for all along. 325 00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:36,503 - Now... let me ask you a question. - WENDY: Mm. 326 00:13:37,973 --> 00:13:40,207 How much do you know about BDSM? 327 00:13:43,678 --> 00:13:45,145 - Excuse me. - Mm. 328 00:13:45,147 --> 00:13:47,047 I left some books on the front shelf a couple days ago, 329 00:13:47,049 --> 00:13:48,915 - and now, I can't find them. - Oh. I'm sorry. 330 00:13:48,917 --> 00:13:51,717 I must have put them away. I thought they were misfiled. 331 00:13:51,719 --> 00:13:54,086 BRYCE: Howard! Printer's jammed again! 332 00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:55,454 Um... Oh! 333 00:13:56,624 --> 00:13:59,158 Why don't you take "Michel and Angelo"? 334 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,227 It's a Belgian comic about twin boy detectives 335 00:14:01,229 --> 00:14:02,828 who have adventures all over the world. You'll love it. 336 00:14:02,830 --> 00:14:04,196 Is that by the artist who draws 337 00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:06,098 people of different cultures racist-ly? 338 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:08,334 - What? - (XYLOPHONE PLAYING) 339 00:14:08,336 --> 00:14:09,535 Uh, excuse me. 340 00:14:09,537 --> 00:14:11,837 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 341 00:14:11,839 --> 00:14:13,939 You know, that was really just meant for the kids. 342 00:14:13,941 --> 00:14:16,409 That was really not meant for you. 343 00:14:16,411 --> 00:14:17,709 Um, okay. So... 344 00:14:17,711 --> 00:14:19,745 (CHILD SCREAMING) 345 00:14:19,747 --> 00:14:21,580 (GROANING) What fresh hell is this? 346 00:14:21,582 --> 00:14:23,381 I think those kids you told to stop running around 347 00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:24,982 needed to run around, and I think their mom 348 00:14:24,984 --> 00:14:26,518 would appreciate them running around, too. 349 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:27,618 (HOWARD SIGHING) 350 00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:31,656 My mom's getting impatient, 351 00:14:31,658 --> 00:14:33,391 and I still haven't found my book! 352 00:14:33,393 --> 00:14:35,693 (PANTING) Howard, there's this rowdy stranger locking me 353 00:14:35,695 --> 00:14:37,362 out of my office. He's huge and intimidating! 354 00:14:37,364 --> 00:14:38,796 So, can you get rid of him, please? 355 00:14:38,798 --> 00:14:40,565 (CRASHING) 356 00:14:41,634 --> 00:14:42,767 Did you flatten out the carpet? 357 00:14:42,769 --> 00:14:45,360 - Yes, I did. - Bob uses that to orient himself. 358 00:14:45,361 --> 00:14:47,161 - Well, of course. - Ja-me-suck! 359 00:14:47,162 --> 00:14:48,920 - Hey, hey, are you okay? - Ja-me-suck! 360 00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,175 - Ja-me-suck! - Uh... 361 00:14:50,177 --> 00:14:53,478 Ja-me-suck! Ja-me-suck! 362 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,947 What the labradoodle is going on out here? 363 00:14:56,949 --> 00:15:00,016 I can't believe my eyes. 364 00:15:00,018 --> 00:15:02,219 I'm sorry. Who are you? 365 00:15:02,221 --> 00:15:05,589 I am someone who cares about this city. 366 00:15:05,591 --> 00:15:07,091 - MAN: Yeah! - PATTON: You know, I came 367 00:15:07,093 --> 00:15:11,761 - to this lib-rary... - (MEN LAUGHING) 368 00:15:11,763 --> 00:15:13,797 ... willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, 369 00:15:13,799 --> 00:15:15,499 but it's not only poorly-run. 370 00:15:15,501 --> 00:15:18,969 It is a den of subversive leftist activity 371 00:15:18,971 --> 00:15:21,271 and sexual depravity! 372 00:15:21,273 --> 00:15:25,942 Patton! Patton! Patton! Patton! 373 00:15:25,944 --> 00:15:28,845 If you need the library to read, to print off résumés, 374 00:15:28,847 --> 00:15:31,380 or to use the washroom, you can stay. 375 00:15:31,382 --> 00:15:35,752 But if you are here to vent your misplaced frustrations, 376 00:15:35,754 --> 00:15:37,087 you can get the heck out! 377 00:15:37,089 --> 00:15:39,022 - (CROWD MURMURING) - (WHISPERING) Language. 378 00:15:39,024 --> 00:15:41,825 PATTON: All right, Pattriots. Let's take it to the streets. 379 00:15:43,962 --> 00:15:45,528 (CHUCKLING) 380 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:46,863 Where can I get one of these? 381 00:15:46,865 --> 00:15:47,964 (BOTH LAUGHING) 382 00:15:50,469 --> 00:15:52,034 HOWARD: I thought I could help that place succeed, 383 00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:54,170 but I don't know. Maybe Jameson is beyond saving. 384 00:15:54,172 --> 00:15:55,320 Yeah. I'm telling you, dude. 385 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,408 That place is one stabbing away from being Winnipeg. 386 00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:01,378 Come work with me at the museum, where it's safer. 387 00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:03,079 Yeah. Actually, are you running 388 00:16:03,081 --> 00:16:05,180 that exhibit on the Punic Wars still? 389 00:16:05,182 --> 00:16:07,082 Carthago stupenda est? 390 00:16:07,084 --> 00:16:10,519 (LAUGHING) You're a riot. 391 00:16:10,521 --> 00:16:12,988 Um, you know what? Um, I'll think about it, 392 00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:14,757 - and I'll get back to you. - All right. See you. 393 00:16:14,759 --> 00:16:16,658 - Hi, Howard. - Hello. 394 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,429 Did you ever watch The Muppet Show? 395 00:16:20,431 --> 00:16:22,398 - Yes? - Every episode, 396 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,132 they line up a bunch of acts, 397 00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:26,067 all of which go horribly wrong. 398 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,504 Fozzie tells terrible jokes. 399 00:16:28,506 --> 00:16:29,971 Gonzo fails at a stunt, 400 00:16:29,973 --> 00:16:32,741 and Kermit runs around like his head is cut off. 401 00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:35,977 But at the end of the day, that's just what the show is. 402 00:16:35,979 --> 00:16:38,246 But it'd be so much better if they rehearsed. 403 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:42,116 The Muppet Show succeeds because it is a beautiful mess. 404 00:16:42,118 --> 00:16:45,286 Jameson is our Muppet Show. 405 00:16:45,288 --> 00:16:49,023 And I guess by changing things, I've disrupted the ecosystem. 406 00:16:49,025 --> 00:16:52,693 (CHUCKLING) We've had to turn our lacks and our losses 407 00:16:52,695 --> 00:16:56,864 into wins, and it's created a really special dynamic 408 00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:58,399 that is unique to this branch. 409 00:16:58,401 --> 00:17:02,202 I'm used to a certain... standard of quality at Midtown. 410 00:17:02,204 --> 00:17:03,471 Well, that's the problem, Howard. 411 00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:05,673 You were thinking of Midtown. 412 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,475 And you were thinking of Isla. 413 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,277 Yeah, maybe a little. 414 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,646 It's tough to be at a new place 415 00:17:11,648 --> 00:17:13,848 when you're still missing your old one. 416 00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:16,683 But you can't change Jameson to serve you. 417 00:17:16,685 --> 00:17:19,453 You have to serve Jameson. 418 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,055 So maybe next time, don't try to fix 27 things. 419 00:17:22,057 --> 00:17:23,389 Uh, 28 things. 420 00:17:23,391 --> 00:17:24,791 (WENDY CHUCKLING) 421 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,927 Maybe curate a shelf 422 00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:30,697 or... or greet everyone with a smile, you know? 423 00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:32,265 Help the show succeed. 424 00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:33,900 You know what? Yes. I'm going to try 425 00:17:33,902 --> 00:17:37,003 to embrace its idiosyncrasies. 426 00:17:37,005 --> 00:17:38,271 Like that Muppet that throws the fish. 427 00:17:38,273 --> 00:17:39,706 (LAUGHING) 428 00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:42,375 Sorry you had the wrong idea about Peopliothèque. 429 00:17:42,377 --> 00:17:45,111 You have to go. The chocolates can stay. 430 00:17:45,113 --> 00:17:49,415 Jaq, why are you denying candidates access to my program? 431 00:17:49,417 --> 00:17:53,752 I think they're more interested in having access to you. 432 00:17:53,754 --> 00:17:57,510 - What are you saying? - Wendy, they're not here for the Peopliothèque. 433 00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:59,692 They're here because they think you're looking for a date. 434 00:17:59,694 --> 00:18:01,894 (LAUGHING) Why would they think that? 435 00:18:01,896 --> 00:18:03,396 Read the poster. 436 00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:08,034 "Come to Jameson for a good time." 437 00:18:08,036 --> 00:18:09,402 Sounds fine. 438 00:18:09,404 --> 00:18:12,271 "Wendy wants to check you out." 439 00:18:12,273 --> 00:18:13,406 Huh. 440 00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:15,841 "Let's stimulate each other." 441 00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:19,178 (QUIETLY) Oh, no. 442 00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:21,179 I wrote a horny personal ad. 443 00:18:21,181 --> 00:18:22,481 Yeah. I tried to tell you yesterday, 444 00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:25,417 but then it became funny. 445 00:18:25,419 --> 00:18:26,451 Ah. 446 00:18:27,787 --> 00:18:29,187 Hey. 447 00:18:29,189 --> 00:18:32,590 Are you here for a human library, 448 00:18:32,592 --> 00:18:34,759 or are you here to date me? 449 00:18:34,761 --> 00:18:36,428 To date you. 450 00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:39,564 Uh, Brian, I think you're great, but... 451 00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:40,932 Oh, oh, oh, no. 452 00:18:40,934 --> 00:18:42,834 I'm here for the Peopliothèque. 453 00:18:42,836 --> 00:18:46,138 I was part of the original Human Library back in Denmark. 454 00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:49,741 Oh. You're so cool. (LAUGHING) 455 00:18:49,743 --> 00:18:53,377 Well, um, I'm so sorry to disappoint the rest of you, 456 00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:56,480 but, uh, I'm not looking for love. 457 00:18:56,482 --> 00:18:57,548 Oh. 458 00:18:58,651 --> 00:19:00,284 That's okay. 459 00:19:00,286 --> 00:19:01,785 Why don't we all go out for a drink 460 00:19:01,787 --> 00:19:04,288 and kind of see where this thing goes? 461 00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:06,857 I'll message you about the details for the program. 462 00:19:06,859 --> 00:19:09,693 - Okay. - Okay. 463 00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:12,629 JIM: All right. Terrific. 464 00:19:12,631 --> 00:19:15,199 Oh, well, sorry this backfired. 465 00:19:15,201 --> 00:19:16,467 I can help reword the poster. 466 00:19:16,469 --> 00:19:17,968 Maybe you get some actual volunteers. 467 00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:21,138 All I want is for people to hook up with strangers. 468 00:19:21,140 --> 00:19:22,406 I'll write the poster. 469 00:19:23,641 --> 00:19:25,475 I hear it now. Ugh. 470 00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:34,050 (EXHALING) 471 00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:37,987 Uh, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to exit the library. 472 00:19:37,989 --> 00:19:39,689 Debate me. 473 00:19:39,691 --> 00:19:41,391 The library is closed. 474 00:19:41,393 --> 00:19:42,492 I think I win. 475 00:19:45,029 --> 00:19:46,296 I'm sorry. We're closed. 476 00:19:46,298 --> 00:19:47,930 Oh. Um, don't worry. 477 00:19:47,932 --> 00:19:50,266 I'm going to fix that. 478 00:19:50,268 --> 00:19:52,102 - You moved this here? - Yes, but don't worry. 479 00:19:52,104 --> 00:19:53,669 I'm going to move it back. 480 00:19:53,671 --> 00:19:57,672 - No, no, don't. It's perfect. - It is? 481 00:19:57,674 --> 00:20:00,476 It's visible from the lobby, so people know to come here, 482 00:20:00,478 --> 00:20:04,079 and the signage is very clear, if not a little ambitious. 483 00:20:04,081 --> 00:20:05,747 Jaq even said that there were new people 484 00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:07,382 looking for resources. 485 00:20:07,384 --> 00:20:09,751 Howard, this is so thoughtful. 486 00:20:09,753 --> 00:20:10,819 Thank you. 487 00:20:12,223 --> 00:20:13,589 I did good. 488 00:20:13,591 --> 00:20:15,390 You did good. 489 00:20:15,392 --> 00:20:18,026 Well, you know, it's a pleasure to serve the library. 490 00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:19,861 Well, we're lucky to have you. 491 00:20:19,863 --> 00:20:21,763 I got to run, but I'll see you tomorrow. 492 00:20:21,765 --> 00:20:22,998 Yeah. See you. 493 00:20:28,405 --> 00:20:31,172 Ooh! Ah, yes. 494 00:20:32,142 --> 00:20:34,442 The beautiful mess. 495 00:20:34,444 --> 00:20:35,510 Whew! 496 00:20:37,538 --> 00:20:38,804 Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. 497 00:20:38,806 --> 00:20:40,739 Oh, someone's in a good mood. 498 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:43,776 What, did they post a new episode of that Lamestream Bias? 499 00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:48,213 Yup, and Patton Jefferson's thinking of running for mayor. 500 00:20:48,215 --> 00:20:50,449 Oh. You know, that checks out for society. 501 00:20:50,451 --> 00:20:55,387 On a positive note, you know, I think I found my thing. 502 00:20:55,389 --> 00:20:57,822 Yeah? Is it a thing for Sheila? 503 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,492 No. Absolutely not. No. 504 00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:01,960 Well, maybe. (CHUCKLING) 505 00:21:01,962 --> 00:21:04,161 You know, as a friend, if that's what you meant. 506 00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:05,497 That is what you meant, right? 507 00:21:05,499 --> 00:21:06,600 'Cause that's how I took it that you meant it. Is that... 508 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,900 I think you'd make a nice couple. 509 00:21:08,902 --> 00:21:10,267 Hmm. 510 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,936 BRYCE: It's too bad she's married. 511 00:21:12,873 --> 00:21:13,938 She is? 512 00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:19,443 MAN: You happy now? 513 00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:24,444 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 514 00:21:24,494 --> 00:21:29,044 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38325

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