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AN OYSTER MAY BE CROSSED IN LOVE

Did you know oysters are hermaphrodites?

Yeah.

They change sex after each season or after seeding.

-That doesn't shock you? -Not at all.

What if I changed sex?

Imagine, you see me tomorrow,

I've got boobs, a tight dress, heels, and you feel desire for me.

-There's more to women than that. -Sure, they have periods and all that.

I'd love to be a woman to see what goes on

inside that female labyrinth.

Really? You dream of being a woman?

Admit it, Raf.

Not just that. I'd love to self-reproduce like oysters.

No more battles of the sexes, etc.

-It would solve lots of things. -If you were a woman...

I was thinking of

popping the question

in an oyster.

See what I mean? The ring inside the oyster.

Isn't that a bit much?

Why?

-You're just not romantic. -It's over-the-top.

-You don't understand. -Me?

-You're an animal. -No.

I like romance but I'm more... tough and manly, so I wouldn't do it.

You're fragile, so act like an oyster and marry yourself.

You'll have your pearl inside.

Sexual self-sufficiency is the future, right?

Action!

Nobody touch my crime scene!

HARD SHELL, SOFT SHELL

Who found the body, Lieutenant?

Jean Baptiste, the groundskeeper, while jogging at dawn.

-Would you jog at dawn, Martel? -Me?

No.

What're you doing, Guerrero?

Just as I thought.

Drowned in the pond, then moved here as a red herring.

-You think the killer's not local? -I think someone's screwing with us.

We're dealing with a psychopath!

He's back.

The fisherman's back.

-And cut! -They're struggling today.

-Really? -Bad.

Damn.

She's taking all the shit.

Who, Jess?

That's not the vibe we want. Where's Fanny?

I thought I'd nailed the anxiety.

-Jess was great. -No, it's not working.

The director seems weird. What's his problem?

He's from Paris.

I see. It's crystal clean now.

Crystal clean? It's crystal clear, you bumpkin.

-Don't OD on the grilled corn. -Go see her, leave me alone.

Gimme 5 minutes, Natasha has the latest script.

Seriously, anyone would find that line hard.

Neither the dialog nor the plot hold water.

It's not the greatest.

Drowned women and selfish lovers, I mean shellfish lovers.

Jess!

Excuse me.

-Hey. -I'm tense when you come.

Really? Sorry, I brought oysters

for the producer's big party in three weeks.

He wanted to try them.

-He told you about the party? -We can go together.

-Jess! -I'm coming.

-I have to get back. -Sure.

See you tonight?

See you tonight. Wait, don't I get a kiss?

Sure.

Hi, my love. We're running late, it's a nightmare.

I'll tell you about it later.

So wait for me at the restaurant. I'll get a move on. Kiss-kiss.

Jess,

will you marry me?

Don't cry.

-Sorry. -No problem.

-Don't worry. -Miss Jessica, your table awaits.

Thanks, Samir.

-I'll leave you. -Thanks, Samir.

I'm so sorry, I had a run-in with that unbearable director.

He talks like a cross between Michael Mann and Kechiche.

-Quiche-mann. -Exactly.

He's new to the game, his Hollywood ambitions won't last.

But your new co-star seems really nice.

Giaccomo? He's awesome. He helps me a lot.

He does?

-Your appetizers are served. -Wonderful.

-I'm starved. -I prepped your oysters.

-Cool. -You can swallow them whole.

-You may even get a little surprise. -Thank you, Samir.

Mind if I don't wait?

Go ahead! He prepared them the way you like them.

Delicious!

I was so hungry.

Are you ok, Jess? Samir!

Water, water!

-Quick! -What's wrong?

Don't tell me she...

You ok?

I'm ok.

You scared the shit out of me.

Sorry, I... Could you leave us?

Sorry, I wanted to pay homage to Donkeyskin.

The oyster, like the ring in the cake, see?

Sorry.

I wanted to make you happy.

So...

Will you marry me?

That's a lot of emotion in one night.

-Will you marry me? -Yeah. I got that.

Yeah? What a relief!

No.

No, I said yes, but not to that.

Yes, I understand. Not yes to your question.

Yes, you understand? I don't. What did you say?

-Az, the timing's awful. -What do you mean?

I don't know, it's not...

I know it's a life-changing decision. You don't have to decide now, but...

-We're in a good place. -I'm not.

I need us to take our time.

-Time? -I need some space.

Let's go on vacation. That's a good idea.

-No. -Sure it is.

-A trip to the Camargue? -I need space.

Hang on.

There's something you're not telling me.

I want us to take a break.

What?

Can you sleep at your mom's tonight?

Why?

What did I do?

-Did I do something wrong? -No, nothing, I'm sorry.

I don't want to see you like this. I'm sorry, I'll go.

-Wait. -I'm sorry.

Oh man.

What're you doing here, Shrimpy?

-You're alone? -The girls aren't here.

Really?

-Where's Mom? -You know it's her embroidery night.

-It's the new moon. -And Najwa?

Najwa keeps disappearing, she must have a secret lover.

-And why are you here? -Just came to say hi.

Is that so? At midnight?

Nonsense.

What's the matter?

It's Jess.

-It's complicated. -Complicated? Why?

-Tell me everything. -She wants a break.

She wants a break?

She can save up and buy a ticket. Where's the problem?

-You shouldn't pay for everything. -A break is a pause in a relationship.

I see.

It could've been a vacation, with her fancy tastes.

-I shouldn't have asked her to marry me. -Big mistake.

At your age? Putting a noose around your neck?

You should travel, see the world. Freedom is priceless, understand?

Why look for...

With three women here, you want the hassle of a fourth?

-That's crazy. -Not a word to Mom or Najwa.

Don't worry, my lips are squealed.

Hi, this is Jessica.

I can't answer now, probably because I'm filming,

but I'll call you back.

Hey, Jess, it's Az.

I don't get what happened, maybe I did something wrong.

I know I can be insensitive...

-Are you jerking off? -No! I'm not jerking off!

-Yes, you are! -Jess, I'm not jerking off.

Sometimes, but not now.

You're jerking off!

Make it quick!

You're a pest, Naj!

-Get out of my room! -You can have your shitty room.

Act your age.

SÈTE FEVER PRODUCTION PRESENTS

A SERIES BY NICOLAS JAMES MANN & THOMAS FRANCO

DIRECTED BY NICOLAS JAMES MANN

WITH JESSICA CHESTER AS OLIVIA MARTEL

GIACCOMO ZAPATELLI AS MATHIAS GUERRERO

MURDER AT SEA

-Frankly, very neat. -"Neat," she says!

I didn't imagine you with a girl like that.

-How long were you with her? -Two years.

Two years, but there came a point when she stepped up in the world.

What happened?

She used to work with us at the farm and the restaurant.

Then she started acting in the series, getting attention and she...

-That's not true. -You know it.

Stop. You mean she got bigheaded?

Don't tell me the fumes of celebrity didn't...

-She's talented. -It went to her head.

-Talented? -Big time.

-Listen to him! She's talented. -She's not a flop.

She's the Kate Winslet of Draguignan, not a great actress.

That's not what you said to her.

You were at her service worse than a guide dog.

-He was her butler. -It's cool, he's back with us now.

You did kinda abandon us for a while there.

Oh please, if you had a chick, you'd do the same.

-You'd up and move, Ahmed. -Whatever!

Alright already! Let's change the subject.

-Who wants to swim? -Not me.

-He's scared. -I don't like deep water.

-Still? -I need to feel the bottom.

-Take swimming lessons. -I mean it.

Imagine a cute, alluring girl is drowning,

it's important to be able to fly to the rescue.

Thanks, but we know how to swim.

You know how, but you liked to be saved.

-Am I right? -Do I need saving?

-It's the reptilian brain. -Do I?

You young lasses from Paris, you've forgotten the basics.

Hi, Mom, how's it going?

-Can I have a chocolate croissant? -Put it down.

-What's wrong? -Anything to tell me?

-Please, may I take one? -Nothing to tell me?

-No, why? -Don't lie. I know you.

-Tell me. What's up? -What's going on with Jess?

Not you, too. Naj grilled me this morning.

I don't want to talk about it. It's a break.

Did you do what I said?

The housework, your laundry, the dishes?

The cooking. Did you cook?

-I cook all the time. -You always cook, okay.

Did you listen to her?

-Support her in her job? -Yes.

-What is this? An interrogation? -You hurt her!

I did not. Why say that?

-Then why'd she leave? -It's just a break.

You cheated on her?

You cheated on her, humiliated her.

-Did you? I couldn't bear it. -I promise I didn't.

-Tell me you didn't. -I promise.

-Tell me. -Please stop.

-I can't believe this, I'm devastated. -Stop it, I'm the one suffering.

-But Jess is beautiful. -Gorgeous.

-You didn't cheat? Swear you didn't. -I swear.

Mrs. Berlatti, how are you today?

I'm great. Here's the incense as promised.

-Thank you. -Hi, Azzedine.

-How are you? -You ok, Aurélia?

-I'm great. -You look it.

Crying at his age, bro?

If love does that to people,

-I never wanna fall in love. -It's straight up scary.

I wanna get married, but without falling in love.

I'll just get married.

Az! Wassup?

Is it Jess?

-Crying can make you sick. -Yeah, bro.

It ain't good to cry.

Hey, Az, I heard you were crying.

You can't cry, dude.

Can I sob in peace, please?

You can be in peace, but you can't sob. Look at me. Give me a smile.

Look, he's starting to lose his hair.

He's had it, he's going bald.

I don't like goodbyes either. Kiss me.

Farewell, Rachel.

We were happy together.

-I understand now. -So do I.

No, wait.

I love you!

I can't take it, it's too hard.

I love you, too. I want to be with you forever.

Me too, I want us to be together, forever.

I want us to build dreams together...

Az!

-Can we come in? -No, don't!

Are you ok? What's going on?

You're steeping. Place looks like a stable.

-What is this? -It's nothing!

-Why're you here? I wanna be alone. -Open the curtains, let some light in.

-Don't do that. -Look at this mess.

-Not the curtains. -Snap out of it.

Leave me alone. Seriously!

-You wanna die or what? -You're festering.

-The Bodyguard ? -Hands off!

Forget it. Take it away.

How many times have I told you? Another guy saving a chick.

Listen here, we've got a plan.

You're getting a makeover from head to toe.

I don't want one.

A total revamp. We don't want to see you like this.

What she said.

We're going to Ahmed's thrift store. He's got good deals.

You'll be fine. You hear me?

That's your plan?

Ahmed's thrift store?

-It's cheap. -It's all dead people's stuff.

Nobody dresses better than a dead guy.

Who's classier than a dude in a coffin?

No one. And it tells a story.

Don't worry. Trust us. You'll feel better.

Stop that.

I found something red, guys.

-I dunno. -Superb!

-Nice, huh? -For your gran.

-It's perfect. -Remember: Without color, life is duller.

My gran used to say that.

Az, what size are you? L or XL?

-Superb, bro! -What? Who chose that?

Me. It's exceptional.

-No, Kalidou. -That's the look.

I see parmesan, but...

-It is a bit cheesy. -Right?

-Looks Brazilian! -Parmesan man.

-It smacks of Miami. -Dodgy fabric.

I'm not convinced.

Come on, come out!

That's gross.

-Makes your belly stick out. -Yeah, chicks love that.

It's a total turn-off.

-You dressed up as sand? -The Casanova of the Riviera.

He'll break so many hearts, we won't know where to put them.

Don Juan!

-Take it off! -Second rate Don Juan.

Put pants on!

Look at that.

-Those pants suit him. -Take a step back.

Let us admire the work of art.

-Hottie! -Turn around.

Nice 'n tight.

-Nice ass. -Turn around.

Boy's got a butt.

I'm too much of a man to look.

You have a...

-You have a serious butt. -Do you work out?

Those pants really flatter you.

Dude, if I were a chick, I'd wanna surf on you.

You're like a walking beach. A beach that walks.

-Az, you're a beach. -Azzmatazz!

Stop sulking. It won't bring her back.

What would you do?

I went to get my things from my ex's place, it floored him.

-Really? -Yeah.

What does that change?

It means you're showing that it's a real separation.

That you don't need the other person. Your universes are no longer linked.

They're separate now. You see?

She said she wanted space?

There you go.

If you take your things, you show her that you're giving her space.

I don't think I can do that. Not by myself.

-Of course you can. -No, I'll lose my nerve.

Know what? I'll go with you. I'll go with you.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

You'll see.

Ok, you can do this. You show up, nice and relaxed.

It's your home, you look her in the eyes.

-I say, "Hi, how are you?" -Not "Hi, how are you?"

I've come for my things. Determined.

-Yeah. I've come for my things. -I don't buy it. Be firm.

-I've come for my things. -Mean it!

-I am. -No, you're not. Say it!

You're making me mad!

I've come for my things.

Your things?

Why the slap? Stop it!

They're my things!

Sorry.

I've come for my things.

-Your things? -Mine!

-Say it. -They're mine.

Say it from your guts.

-I've come for my things. -Guts!

That's the energy. Now go!

I've come for my things.

Your things?

You should have called first.

I know. It was urgent. I ran out of briefs.

-It's hard without briefs. -You coming, babe?

Are you with someone?

Giaccomo.

-Giaccomo. -Hi.

-We were rehearsing a scene. -Oh yeah?

Yeah. And I just said, "babe!"

"Coming, babe?" may not be the right tone.

Those are my trunks.

Sorry. I didn't have any and Jess...

-It was for the scene. -I can give them back.

Don't worry.

Wanna get your things from the bedroom?

First, I'll go get that thing I need from...

I think it's with my cooking utensils.

I can't remember...

-What exactly? -My waffle iron.

-So you really like cooking? -Yeah, I do.

I'm totally into that, too.

I think your waffle iron is in the side cupboard.

-This one? -Yeah, I used it for a cheese melt.

I don't have a sweet tooth, but a cheese melt makes my day.

Do you want a bag?

-Go get Rocky, please. -Rocky?

Our tortoise.

That's funny. Stallone did some incredible stuff

when he started out with Woody Allen,

the guy was...

Yeah, sorry, it's a bit...

-It's a bit burnt. -Sorry, I wasn't expecting you.

I'm really sorry.

Waffle irons are personal, like swimming trunks.

I'll give them back to you.

-It's ok. -If you want...

Pull them up.

-I'll give them back. -It's cool.

Here's Rocky and the bag.

-Ok, thanks. -There's some chick in my garden.

Who's that?

Hey, isn't this Az's place?

No, it's my place.

I'm Lila, you must be Jess, nice to meet you.

-Giaccomo, nice to meet you. -Likewise.

You ok?

Let's go?

We've got the dance rehearsal.

-You dance? -A little.

He can dance, make waffles. He can do anything.

-What can't I do? -Nothing, apparently.

-Ready, honey? -I think it's time.

The door's that way. That's my garden.

Sorry, I forgot to say, I'm a huge fan of yours, you guys are massive.

Don't change a thing.

You're too kind, thank you.

She's adorable.

-Why're you sulking? -I'm not.

You are too.

-I can tell. -I'm not sulking.

-I know you, I can tell. -I said I'm not!

Now I'm sure of it.

What got into you?

Couldn't you just come get me? Why play the girlfriend?

"I'm a huge fan."

-I'm not laughing. -Stop it.

-So your ex has a boyfriend. Relax. -She doesn't, she's just lost.

Seriously? She's rubbing your nose in it, as if it were normal.

I tried to save you, give you back some dignity.

Why, because you pity me?

Yes, I pity you.

Did you see her face when I said you could dance?

"He dances?"

-She was shocked. -She loves dancing.

-There you go! -What?

There's your answer.

When will you see her next?

The producer invited me to his party.

-Perfect. -I'm not going.

Oh yes, you are. And you're dancing for her.

-Really? -Sell yourself.

Stop putting yourself down. Enough. Go for it.

She likes dancing? Then dance.

-You'll have to teach me. -No, forget it.

-Come on. -No way.

You encourage me, then abandon me.

-I have a life. -I know, please.

One last favor. Come to the party, then I leave you alone.

What do I get in return?

Anything you like. What would you like?

I want... Do you still make pastries?

Then I want tons of pastries.

-How many? -Tons.

You wantzlabias ?

Baklava?

-More. -Gazelle horns?

-More. -That's quite a lot.

You're gonna take work. I want loads more.

Deal.

Rocky is our witness. Don't worry.

One more time. Five, six, seven and eight.

Keep it up. Don't stop moving.

Again!

Change. One, two...

Well done, Az, keep going!

That's it, girls. Keep it up!

I've written a lonely-hearts ad. Listen.

Go on.

"Young pensioner seeks companion for secret moments and maybe more."

"A lively, sporty woman, aged

69."

But you're 73, gran.

You're as old as you feel. Who cares?

-Listen. -I'm listening.

"Seeks kindly gentleman," obviously.

"With a sense of humor," that's important.

Very.

"Not macho." An attentive guy, who gives me room to breathe,

who doesn't lock me up.

And most importantly, a good dancer.

A good dancer? Why a good dancer?

I want to take him to the Oyster Festival.

-If he's a bad dancer... -Good point.

-He'll embarrass me. -Why don't you take Fernand?

He's a nice guy, but... he doesn't light my fryer.

-Your fire, Gran! -That's what I said.

Don't you start. Concentrate on the dough.

We'll go to the festival together. Two singles.

Not in your dreams.

-Why? -You're a bad dancer, honey.

-Do you mean that? -Yes.

Know what your ad should say?

"Irritating old bat, who loves joints, cigars, and whiskey,

seeks obedient guy."

Just kidding.

You get on my nerves.

Sensual.

Lower.

Again.

Stop pulling my hair, it hurts.

-Sorry. -Thanks.

-Stop it! -I didn't mean to.

Stand in front of me then.

Why are you... Calm down.

-Let me try, Lila. -But it's not...

You're doing this. Watch how I do it. You grab the rope and pull it too fast.

Take your time. Grasp the rope and draw it in.

-Why don't you lower your arms? -'Cause. Ok, sorry.

See? Again.

Go on. Look at me!

Look at me. I'm here!

-Here! Look at me! -I'm looking at you.

No, you're not looking at me. See?

You fell because you weren't looking at me.

I wanna throw up.

Imagine if his mom sees him.

Everyone sees him, and they know we hang out.

-I'm not dancing, Kalidou. -Me neither.

Wave, wave.

-Ok, then? -Arm fully stretched.

It strikes.

It's five, six, seven, eight and wham!

That's it. It's solid. See?

Next, your hand.

Your head follows your hand.

Then thepas de bourrée.

Show me.

What is that?

Seriously?

I'll show you what you're doing. You need to see it.

Yeah, that's it.

That's more like... not an animal...

with flowing movements. Keep trying.

Lower your butt.

Further. Very good.

Hold it for fifteen seconds. Great.

Hold.

Pushups.

-Really? -Yep.

Good. That's it. Two, three.

Four, five. Do fifteen. Six.

-We can do this. -It's all in the mind.

In the body, too.

One, two, three.

-Shit! -Go on, wait.

The Tower of Pisa.

We got it!

Why walk so close to the edge?

That's the whole point.

-It is? -Yeah. Now close your eyes.

Close them.

-Can you feel that? -Yeah.

Eyes closed.

Don't worry, I'm here.

That's it. Close them.

Fantastic.

-You're handsome. -What?

Keep walking.

You're less ugly when you're happier.

I'm less ugly when I'm happier?

-Open your eyes. -Is that a compliment?

Now feel the same thing as when your eyes were closed.

Remember that feeling in your stomach?

-Tension. -That's right.

Keep hold of that tension.

Lila.

Why'd you come back?

Why'd you stay?

I dunno.

Maybe I didn't have the guts to leave?

You were doing well in Paris, you were dancing.

You had a boyfriend.

It's better down south.

Don't wanna talk about it?

Sorry, but...

It depresses me.

I swear, it's not for me.

It's sad.

Sounds crazy, but love always ends badly.

You end up being resentful 'cause you've become someone else.

But you created that someone else.

I became a house plant in the living room.

You, a house plant? With your personality?

You're a fighter.

You're Wonder Woman.

Even when you thrive on big ideals, you sink into petty patterns.

It's sad.

But so's life without love.

Are you happy?

With your broken heart?

Not again!

Az!

-Move, please. I'm tired. -Gimme 2 minutes.

-5 minutes and I'll go. -Move, please.

I wanna sleep. You're so annoying.

You too.

What the hell?

-Are you for real? -For real it's my bed.

For fuck's sake, go away.

Your breath stinks like shit.

My chipolatas are different.

-Look at the color. -Look at the fat.

-It's not cooked yet. -There, that's fat.

Go talk to Az, please.

I cook, you talk to him.

You're closer to him.

I cook the sausages, you talk to him.

We settle this now, among ourselves.

Here's the bread.

Az.

What's this I hear

about you twerking in the street like some fruitcake,

making suggestive thrusts?

He says you wriggle like a worm on ecstasy.

In the street.

Lila dances the same way.

Lila's a chick, you're not. No twerking in our hood, buddy.

Keep it in check. Don't make us insult you.

You'll look even more fragile.

-Some lines can't be crossed. -Don't do this.

If you go too far, don't count on me.

If you're attacked, I won't come running.

The girls from dance want your Instagram.

Really? The chicks?

Marina said, "I bet he's good in bed" when she saw you move.

I swear, they were like in love.

-What? -A guy who dances is sexy.

-Marina? -It's real sexy.

Why can't we cash in on the dance lessons?

Excellent idea.

We were kidding!

Now you wanna dance, you jackals.

Only idiots don't change their minds.

-Life's full of turnarounds. -We evolve.

You guys wanna dance?

I've always wanted to, I was waiting for the right moment.

-It's true. -I've waited for ages.

No, we can't. We're rehearsing a number for the party.

-What number? -What party?

-You didn't tell them? -Nope.

So, there's a party.

-It's nothing special. -Tell them.

The producer's having a party.

-Nothing special? -With Jess, aka Olivia Martel.

You gotta be kidding!

We wanna meet actresses, too. Get us in.

I can't. It's a private party, it's full.

Full? You're telling me it's full?

You can't tell me it's full.

There's always a way to sneak in.

-Like rats, we get in. -Help us.

Imagine I go to the party and meet the love of my life.

How about that, bro? Come on.

-You can't refuse. -Come on!

On one. And five, six, seven, eight...

Now like this, bend your legs.

Add some shoulders.

And backwards.

Now turn.

Ahmed!

Please, be careful tonight. Speak correctly.

No worries, bro!

No, Ahmed, don't act like you're from the hood.

"No worries, bro!"

-Why do you doubt us? -I don't.

-You do. -I'm giving you pointers.

Say it straight, please.

Sometimes you meet people of your own class,

sometimes they're from another league.

-Ok, I get that. -Who says we're not highly adaptable?

I know you are. But sometimes we slip up.

We forget that with some people

we have to be tactful, so they don't judge.

No kid gloves for me, I'm authentic.

Take it or leave it.

-End of story. -Ok, listen.

-You don't get it. -What?

Ahmed, for example, you meet Clementine, a bobo.

An example. How would you talk to her?

I'd be like, "Hi, how's it going?"

I'm good, and you?

Yeah, I'm good. No sweat.

I'm doing great.

Cool. So, you on Instagram?

No, man! Why?

-'Cause that's what he's after. -Straight up.

He wants her Instagram. That's how he rolls. It can be done calmly, too.

Hey, excuse me. Any chance we could hook up?

That's the problem, Kalidou.

Listen. That's the problem.

"Any chance, 'cause, you know?"

It won't fly.

-You think bobos speak different? -Forget the bobos.

Just speak French. That's all.

Like we're not French?

For starters, your colleagues,

we'd leave 'em cold in a battle of eloquence.

With expressions from the Middle Ages and before times past.

-We'd floor them. -From yesteryear!

Our French is remixed, but it's refined and masterful.

I therefore enjoin you to withdraw your fabricated accusations.

My man!

Are you guys ready?

What?

Mamamia, the Lord sends forth a heavenly creature.

Stop it!

You're the hotties with your smart suits.

Time to go, guys, or we'll be late.

Wanna ride with me?

24-carat lady.

We are the princes of this town

Tonight we are painting it red, bro

Our homeboy is Kabyle Talk about exceptional

Hands in the air, feet in the air

Can't reverse but do we care?

Kalidou, Lila, Raf, Ahmed. Name's Az.

I only have you.

-They're my plus ones. -Can't do that many.

Please, don't embarrass me.

-I can't. -Bro, only four of us.

Don't "bro" me, this isn't the hood. No name, no party.

What exactly is the problem?

Don't make this awkward. I'm working here.

-There are 200 guests. -Don't raise your voices.

And let the real guests through.

Hey, Adil!

Ok, guys, that's enough.

-Thank you, bye. -I've got a backup plan.

Sorry, miss, have a nice evening.

Who says Arabs are shirkers?

Excuse them.

Can I have your names, please?

Ok, ready.

Help Lila up.

I'll keep a look out.

-What? -Nice job, guys.

You went for sobriety, elegance and class. Nice.

Thank you, Najwa.

You too, you look meow.

-I look what? -You look meow.

Appealing.

Are you taking her for a cat?

-You smooth talker. -Let us make merry!

Let us entertain the guests.

Good evening. A glass of champagne, please.

Hi!

Az.

-Giaccomo. -Nice to see you.

-Giacc the man, how's it going? -Great.

-I'll go mingle. -Stay.

I'll see you later.

You good?

I'm doing great.

Sorry, I didn't expect to see you here.

-Should I not have come? -No, that's not what I meant.

It's great that you came.

Great. I'm relieved.

I was looking for you.

-Hi. -Hiya.

-You came... -I came with Lila.

-You look gorgeous. -Thank you.

Thank you. You too.

That's sweet. It's great you both came.

-What a great party. -And a gorgeous villa.

Yeah, it's...

-We won't keep you. -Let's go join the others.

We're gonna dance.

-See ya. -See ya, kiss-kiss.

And I don't go pig out on the macaroon tray, see?

Not really.

I take one, and I leave the others for the other guests.

-Sharing is caring. -Great attitude, really.

-Leave macaroons for others. -Imagine!

Someone has a macaroon in their hand.

I wouldn't take it.

-For sure. Don't do it. -That'd be wrong.

Right. So why'd you take Jess from my pal?

What're you talking about?

My pal was with a woman and you stole her from him.

-I didn't steal her. -You did!

No. I'm not having this conversation. I don't know you.

I wanna have it.

My pal's on the verge of suicide, so let's talk.

On the verge of suicide?

When his head's in the oven, I'll send you a pic so you can deny it.

-Have a good evening. -Little shit.

That's what you are. You may be an actor, but screw you!

Actor or not, I don't give a shit.

-I'm calling security. -Go on. Fuck you. Motherfucker.

-What's your name? -Jérôme.

Jérôme?

Are you over 18, Jérôme?

Yeah, I'm nearly 27.

You don't look it.

That's because I've got...

the Peter Pan syndrome.

-Peter what? -Peter Pan syndrome.

-I stayed young. -I saw the movie.

Like in the movie, I'm still young in my head,

and my body stayed young with my head.

That's it.

Not bad.

You chased me for three months, then took off.

I slip away temporarily and you call that taking off?

Temporarily?

I wanted to distance myself temporarily, in order to

maybe build something more solid, with firmer foundations.

Jérôme, Gaëtan, it's all the same in the end.

They're all assholes.

Ever meet a nasty Jérôme?

You have a good evening, Gaëtan.

-Jérôme. -Call me.

Yes, speaking of which...

I lost my cell.

Can you tell me your name and surname?

-Sure. -I'll take note, in my head.

-My name's Sophie. -Sophie?

Look up Sophie Marteau.

I hear you loud and clear Four on stage, that's the deal

Here's the producer

Tell him we're not fragile Then pass me the mic

'Cause I'm agile Never said I love ya

But I love my city Never tasted caviar

But I love my life

-Where were you? I looked all over. -Forget it.

-Let's call it off, ok? -No, Najwa's ready.

Look at me. We didn't work for nothing.

-I can't. -You're doing it.

-I can't. -Yes, you can.

You can and you better.

-No. What're you doing? -We're ready.

Lila.

Come here.

-You nutjob! -My jacket, man!

You're a buffoon.

-Buffoon, buffoon. -You're outta here!

Get lost! You too.

What's up with you? Are you schizophrenic or what?

What did we say? Why'd you push him?

-I was having a laugh. -Did I ask you to?

I'm not laughing. What use are you to me?

-We're your pals. -Not like this!

-We upped the vibe. -What vibe? You're useless.

You're a bunch of animals!

-You talk to him. -I'll talk to him.

Scram. Get lost with your hairdo.

-My hair could poke your eyes out. -You too, miss.

-You bounty. -It's ma'am to you.

Here, you forgot this.

They acted like total morons.

You talk to them, you tell them what's what,

they still manage to screw up.

Those punks. They're animals.

Can't take them anywhere. Unbelievable.

And Jess saw it all.

And what are you exactly?

What?

It's funny, you talk of Jess as if she were

the most important thing in your life.

But apparently, the others never saw her much.

I couldn't take her to the hood. Not a star like her.

Even before she was a star, you didn't take her there.

-Were you ashamed? -Of course not.

I didn't take her because we were busy.

We worked on her lines, I helped her believe in herself.

You go all out to help your partner,

then all of a sudden,

overnight,

you get dumped like

an old yoghurt.

Nothing happens overnight. You were in denial.

About what?

Your shame.

Yours. Not Jess's or the others', yours.

She didn't change when she became a star, you did.

And you know what? Jess and all her crowd,

they're no better than you or I.

They just have more money, that's all.

I'd like to be a chick in my next life.

-Life would be simpler. -You can't be serious.

-Let's go, I'm cold. -You're cold?

-A little. -Sorry.

-Here. -Thanks.

Do you mind

if I sleep at yours tonight?

At home, Najwa's gonna be on my case, I can't face it.

Why're you looking at me like that?

That way, I can drop you off without doing a detour.

I'd love to travel around the world.

Do you know they're aphrodisiac?

Are you hungry?

Open one for me?

What're you doing?

Stop, I must smell of oysters.

No, you smell of the sea.

No way!

That never happens.

It's super rare.

-Really? -I swear.

It's beautiful.

I'm gonna go home.

And I dunno what you think,

but I think it's best if we keep this to ourselves.

For now, at least.

Doesn't he look like Obama?

-No, that's pushing it. -I'll give him a heart anyway.

I reckon he's good for a roll in the hay.

A roll in the hay?

I need your opinion on something, look. This Brice licked me.

-He "liked" you. -He licked me.

-Alright. -A retired teacher.

He doesn't say he can dance. What he does say is

that he can wiggle his hips. Is that dirty?

-Dirty? -Yeah.

-You're the one sleeping around. -Oh yeah?

Speaking of which, you did sex, didn't you?

-Who with? -I'm not telling.

Pretty please?

Not yet.

How you doing?

Fine, and you?

Not so good.

Here, your trunks.

Great.

I came to apologize. I don't like this vibe.

I even had this freaky dream.

You were naked, no trunks.

I had no trunks, there was this thing between us.

We were in the sea surrounded by crustaceans.

-Right. Heavy. -I don't wanna have dreams like that.

I dream of burying the hatchet, healing the wounds.

I don't want trunks between us, I want a white flag.

One we can hold together.

When I came along, I had no idea what Jess meant to you.

-I stepped on your toes. -No, you didn't.

No? I humiliated you.

You react with dignity. But look at me, sure I'm successful.

Well, yeah, I'm successful. Yeah, I get recognized, it's cool.

But that's not important, ok? Know what is?

-I'm a piece of shit. -No, why would you say that?

-If you were, you wouldn't be here. -Could we have dinner together?

-You, your girlfriend. What's her name? -Jess?

-Lila, sorry. -Yeah, right.

You, Lila, me. Grown-ups together. Around a nice dinner.

I'm not sure that's a good idea.

I won't go until you say yes.

-You can't do that. -There's no...

You have to accept.

Yes, you do.

-Don't take it badly. -I won't.

I won't take a no. Come tomorrow.

Say yes. Period.

I brought you gazelle horns.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

Giaccomo paid me a visit

and he invited me to dinner

at Jess's.

I'd like you to come with me.

Why'd you accept?

I felt cornered, he caught me off guard.

I didn't think it through.

He wants to ease the tension, that might be nice.

That way I can turn the page for good.

It's over with Jess, I swear.

Ok?

I like being with you.

Ten years of friendship, and then they hook up.

I think love is a kind of friendship.

But one that screws you up, so to speak.

I wouldn't have put it like that.

-Everyone gets screwed up. -I got it.

And you, what's it like for you?

It must be hard to act, to pretend.

-True. -I could never pretend to cry.

-How d'you cry? -On cue?

It's like any job. I could never do that. I couldn't open an oyster.

But I can cry.

Babe, you can cry easily, too.

You can cry just like that? You trigger something and cry?

-I'm not gonna cry now. -Why not?

What if I told you I thought your wine was disgusting.

-You want me to cry? -Yes.

-As if you meant it? -Yes.

Say it again.

Hang on, you know what?

Do you like the wine?

I like wine, but yours is disgusting.

-Actually, it's not bad. -We're acting.

I wanted you to like it.

-I'm kidding. -See? It's like a muscle.

-So you were... -Not bad.

-Frankly, that's impressive. -Impressive...

It's just basics.

But pretending to be in love, that's on another level.

It's just a job, not our real feelings.

It can be real sometimes.

But more often we're pretending than really feeling it.

But with us, the first time we met, there was an instant connection.

Who knows why, there was this immediate

electric current, or whatever you wanna call it.

And here we are!

Isn't that right?

Isn't it? Isn't that what happened with us?

But...

You ok?

Come to the bathroom.

-I'll see to it. -It slipped.

Hurry up, or you'll...

-Put cold water on it. -Don't worry.

Come with me.

That's why I couldn't do that.

Opening oysters seems so...

-You ok? -Yeah.

I hurt myself all the time.

When I do something, I go all out.

I never do things by halves. I go for it. I'm a buffalo.

Is that what you are?

-On a film set, yeah. -I'd say you were more...

You know those aardvarks,

they have a snout like this and they eat ants.

Ok. But you shouldn't underestimate aardvarks.

Those animals have more than one trick up their sleeve.

Don't underestimate them, catching ants isn't easy.

Giaccomo. What a character.

Did something happen while we were together?

What?

No.

-Tell me the truth. -I am, nothing happened.

You left me for him.

No, I left because you'd stopped noticing me,

I wasn't happy, you wanted to get married by yourself.

That's why I left you. I didn't leave you for Giaccomo.

Who gives a damn about him!

I loved you.

I know.

-Don't cry. -That's not enough.

Is it taking long?

You ok, babe?

They must certainly be...

They'll be right back, don't worry.

Sorry, I'm tired. I'm going through a shitty phase.

I got some bad news.

What's going on?

-It's work. -Really? What?

They're axing me. My character gets bumped off.

-They can't, you're the star. -They can. They're doing it.

They're making a new series with only Giaccomo's character.

-Is that final? -Yep.

Don't you worry. You've got loads of talent.

-You don't need them. -I do worry, I'm scared.

I struggled to get the part. I'm worried.

This place costs a fortune.

There'll be other roles. You'll bounce back.

Believe in yourself.

-I'm tired. -I know.

Don't worry.

Believe in yourself. I do.

You're a nice guy.

No, I mean it.

-You ok? -Yeah. And you guys?

-Is your hand ok? -Better.

You ok, babe?

Did you manage to...

-Don't you need stitches? -Show me.

-Don't worry. -But if it's...

-It's fine. -If it's deep, they'll sew it up.

It'll be fine.

You two took your time.

What did you talk about?

-Anything and everything. -About the series...

Let's talk about the series.

It could be so much better and that totally frustrates me.

I keep telling the director,

"Let your actors express themselves, improvise."

But he never listens.

Actually, the director does listen to you.

He's a big fan. You should be happy, right?

-You too, babe. -Jess.

You're a wonderful actress. Don't ever forget that.

I tell her that over and over.

She's a star, a great actress.

For me,

she's Hollywood.

That's right. Audrey Hepburn,

her reincarnation.

-You ok? -I'm gonna go.

What's wrong? Why're you leaving? Lila?

Lila, wait!

Don't go like that. What's wrong?

Talk to me. Lila, talk to me.

Why won't you answer?

-You really want me to talk? -Yeah, talk to me.

What was all that about?

What do you mean?

You ask me to come,

you ask me to sit at that fucking table,

with those people.

I dunno,

I'm not her. I'll never be her, I can't pretend.

I'm sorry.

You're still in love with her.

I don't know.

I never want to see you again. Never.

Why do you say that? Wait.

Lila!

You know about rap, now?

-You're a softy. -I know, so what?

-It's your middle name. -So be soft.

My name's Kali-Tough, today.

-Then play the tough guy, Kali-tough. -Right, I'm Mr. Tough Guy today.

What's up, guys? Can I have a word?

I wanted to tell you I'm an asshole. I'm sorry about what I said.

I'm sorry about the party.

I owe you an apology.

It was about time.

True.

You're no good at apologizing, we want action.

Come on, guys, you know how much I love you.

-Don't overdo it. -Bring on the violins, dude!

Blast!

Violins and tissue. It's too much emotion.

And give it more oomph, 'cause I'm not convinced.

-Stop playing. -He's shitting us.

Let's suppose we forgive you,

will we be promoted to the caste of "respectable people?"

-Like the beautiful people at your party. -You bet.

He's hitting on us like we're girls.

-Talking like we're ghetto trash. -I'm merciful, I grant you pardon.

I dunno about them. Go on, pardon him.

Are you nuts? Look at him, he's desperate.

Look at his hair, he needs us.

We should squeeze some money outta him.

Yeah, a nest egg. Go raise some funds.

How much is our friendship worth?

-We want figures. -No hard feelings?

-How much? -What're we worth?

It's priceless.

Start walking!

Pay up!

Shall I get you some more water?

We don't want you parched.

Have you been served?

Would you like a glass of wine?

Start clearing the tables.

Clear the tables first.

Have you come to eat?

I came to talk to you.

I want to talk to you.

Yeah?

Can't it wait? I'm in the middle of my shift.

I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you at work,

but you're not answering my calls. And it's important.

It'll take two minutes.

Go on then, talk to me.

Giaccomo and I broke up.

-Shit. -No, it's a good thing.

It's better.

I think I realized that I missed you.

I think I really screwed up.

So...

I still want to marry you.

If you still want me.

Tell me you still want me.

What's up? He's having a fit, hurry up.

-Can I stop by tomorrow? -Of course.

I'll call you later?

-Hurry up. -I'm coming.

-You ok? -Yeah and you?

I'm ok.

I want you.

-Do you like it? -It's delicious.

It's superb, Mom.

Thanks, honey.

What a performance.

A mom's performance.

-Jess, we're so happy to have you. -Thank you.

You haven't come often, so when you do, I'm thrilled.

Me too, thanks.

-You're welcome. -And actually...

We're getting married.

That's amazing!

Really?

-You're happy about it? -Of course I am!

Incredible news.

-We're happy, too. Right? -Very.

Here's to love without loathing!

We'll take that.

You sly little fox. You didn't tell us.

Bad boy!

-I was waiting for the right time. -What right time?

Couscous time.

It's amazing.

The good news is that I get my room back, once and for all.

That's true.

-Let's raise a toast. -A toast.

-Cheers! -To the wedding!

They're only engaged.

-She's a joker. -Stop joking around.

They may not go through with it.

Cheers, son.

I loved you, dammit!

I loved you!

Why? Not you. Not you!

-She's gone, Guerrero. -No, she's not.

She's still here, she hasn't gone.

-She's dead. -No, she's not!

-No! -She is.

-She's not dead. -Yes, she is.

-Cut! Great. -Stone-dead.

The repetition's important.

-That's TV for you. -We got that she was dead.

That was Jess's last take!

A big round of applause.

Thank you, sweetheart.

That was great.

You killed it.

What a trip, seeing yourself die.

I thought you died incredibly well. You die perfectly.

It's funny that, I didn't wanna die, but I still died.

That's the job, all great actresses die at some point.

No, Catherine Deneuve never dies.

Jess, Catherine Deneuve...

Hi, how's it going?

Yeah. D'you know what?

I thought about it and I'm happy you're back together.

-Really? -Yeah, I'm happy for you.

What a match. When I left her, I said,

"You and Az are meant to be."

-It's a no-brainer. -Right, I see.

You're the one who left her?

Well, left...

Yes, I left her,

but she could've left me, we could've left each other.

Everyone leaves each other and we all leave in the end.

Feet first, ashes to ashes. That's what Benoît XVI said.

Benoît XVI said that?

Are you and Lila really over?

Yeah, we're over. Like you and Jess.

We broke up amicably.

I liked that chick.

When you two showed up, and I saw that wild mane of hers...

She's a fighter, I dig that.

Girls like her need a guy with balls.

I need a chick who... Chicks like her...

-Don't take it badly. -'Course not.

She doesn't need a wimp who says, "Let's go to McD's,"

then changes his mind.

That girl needs a guy who's all in.

But it's great you're still friends.

I've been offered the role of a nurse.

A divorcee, full-time single mom because her ex is her boss.

-Not bad. -Right?

I like it.

-Picture me all dressed in white? -Why not?

Bit of a drag, only one costume.

Or another option, the role of a cop.

Again?

Again, but this cop resolves crimes before they're committed.

-A bit likeMinority Report in Béziers. -Take this one.

-It's perfect. -Get that thing away from me.

I'm not hungry.

Come on, honey, you know I need new roles,

so I have to watch my weight. You know it's important.

Stop trying to fatten me up. You'll turn me into a balloon.

So what should I do?

Nurse

or cop?

-I don't know. -Me neither.

I don't know anymore.

I don't either, that's why I'm asking you.

I'm going for a walk.

You ok?

What's wrong?

Look at me.

-What's the matter? -I'm not happy.

What do you mean not happy?

I mean that

I'm not happy

with you.

What can I do to make you happier?

I want you to be happy.

Yeah, but you can't do anything.

It's too late.

No, please don't cry.

It's for the best.

Look how pretty she is with no cosmetic surgery.

Unlike the other women who are all monotonized.

-Lobotomized. -That's what I said.

Move over.

What're you doing here, Az?

-We've got some good news for you. -Really?

Az left Jess.

For good.

Is that a joke?

It's no joke.

It's over, Mom. I left her, the wedding's off.

I don't believe this.

You were going to marry a super girl.

-She was such a catch. -And I'm not?

She gets the last pick?

What are you saying? What nonsense.

-It's what you said. -Not at all.

-It's what you imply. -I never said that.

She's not saying that, but you change all the time.

It's on, it's off. It's likeThe Young and the Restless .

I'm on Tinder and I'm more stable than you, imagine.

-Thanks, Naj. -Where's the problem?

My little Al Pacino is the shit.

-He has no clue how lucky he is. -Mom, that's exactly what I mean!

I don't value myself, because you don't value me.

You never consider my feelings. You never listen to me.

I'm sick of it! Because I'm a man, I inevitably screw up?

No, I can be a man and a good person.

Cyrano de Bergerac, that was deep!

His ego's hurt!

-Come back! -We were kidding!

-Shrimpy! -That was out of order.

My grandma told me to do it.

If I stay here for 24 hours, the love of my life will appear.

I've been here for 30 minutes and three girls appeared already.

But, Az, two kids came by earlier and gave me boobs.

Can you get rid of them? They'll spoil my chances.

-I think they suit you. -Come on, guys.

He's got pecs at last!

Leave them!

Can't you be a bit more gentle? And you left one boob.

Isn't Lila coming today?

-Isn't Lila coming today? -Why do you ask?

-No reason. -No reason?

"No reason!"

-Anything you wanna tell us? -No. Such as?

I spoke to her, she told me something.

Come clean.

Your eyes are sparkling.

You look like a school kid who's just had his first crush.

For real, that's what you look like. You've got the glow.

Truth be told, Lila and Az, it was an obvious coincidence.

You could smell it coming.

-Well smelt. -Two currents rubbing together...

There were sparks.

But will the sparks create a fire? Your call.

Ahmed, you know where she is. Where is she?

-Wherever planet Venus is. -Don't start.

-Skip it and tell us where she is. -I'm joking.

I saw her on her boat heading toward Vigie creek.

-Vigie creek it is, then. -Her boat's there!

Call her an "interplanetary beauty."

Say sweet things.

Don't forget that.

For Lila!

For love!

-Don't look down. -Where do I look?

Look straight ahead!

Jump! Jump!

Go for it, kid!

Do it for Lila!

You can do anything!

Don't panic, bro.

-You can touch the bottom. -Don't look down!

Az, let the shark pass!

Az!

What're you doing?

Lila.

I left Jess.

I realized I'd made a mistake.

You left Jess and you come to find me?

Yeah.

It's different now.

Different how?

Different from before. I've changed, I'm ready.

What made you change your mind?

She did.

I realized that...

I didn't want to spend my life with her.

I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about us.

Yeah, us.

I thought it was what you wanted.

You never really thought about me.

What I want doesn't count here.

You're sure it's what I want. Is that it?

-No, I didn't think that. -What then?

You're panicking.

You're all alone.

Then you remember your pal Lila's available.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm not at your beck and call.

I'll take you back to the beach, it's best that way.

What would you do?

Think of something that makes her happy.

Make her dream.

And surprise her.

Lila,

I'm sorry about everything.

I didn't have the words,

I didn't want to be fragile.

You're the woman I'd like to be.

Come to the Oyster Festival, please.

It's good for your health!

We have contacts all over.

Lila.

How are you?

I'm so happy to see you.

Darling, you look so beautiful.

I wasn't well this morning, sugar levels up, sugar levels down.

You've given me some life back.

Because I'm dying soon.

Grandma, save it for later.

We've got something for you.

Stay here, we'll be right back.

You never let me express myself!

I didn't know how to tell you.

I'm in love with you.

And you, what do you want?

Being fragile is a quality.

Phenomenal.

Did you know?

An oyster, when it cries,

it produces a pearl.

Shall we give our sorrow back to the sea?

One, two, three!