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1
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Hey guys! I got a good one,
do you want to hear it?
4
00:00:51,457 --> 00:00:52,748
Shut up Hopkins!
5
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:56,582
What do you say to a
black man in a uniform?
6
00:01:01,374 --> 00:01:05,874
Excuse me Sir, I'll have a Big Mac with
cheese and a coke please!
7
00:01:08,582 --> 00:01:09,873
You're a fucking hillbilly, Hopkins!
8
00:01:10,166 --> 00:01:11,582
Say that again snow white!?
9
00:01:11,916 --> 00:01:14,207
Say that again snow white!?
10
00:01:14,832 --> 00:01:16,957
You're just jealous of my
big black dick that's all!
11
00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:19,582
Shut up!
12
00:02:15,416 --> 00:02:16,666
Hey guys, I've got another one!
13
00:02:18,166 --> 00:02:18,999
Do you know why black people...
14
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:31,791
Ninjas!
15
00:02:43,749 --> 00:02:45,040
Get some!
16
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:18,874
Jenny! Stop playing those stupid
video games and go outside!
17
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,082
Yes mom!
18
00:04:57,082 --> 00:04:58,915
One minute!
I'm coming!
19
00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:26,374
Your pepperoni, ma'am.
20
00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:27,624
I didn't order any pizza!
21
00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:32,874
With extra 9 millimeter.
22
00:05:46,457 --> 00:05:47,457
Mom?!
23
00:10:34,457 --> 00:10:36,207
Darling! Breakfast is ready!
24
00:12:01,957 --> 00:12:04,332
Do you know why Americans
don't have hemorrhoids?
25
00:12:05,499 --> 00:12:07,332
Because all the assholes
live in Canada!
26
00:12:07,999 --> 00:12:10,165
Hopkins! You old sack of shit!
27
00:12:16,332 --> 00:12:18,123
Did they give you bionic balls too?
28
00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:20,332
You know I've already
got balls of steel!
29
00:12:32,624 --> 00:12:33,999
Okay, let's not break
your new toy!!
30
00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:35,582
It's good to see you again, John!
31
00:12:36,124 --> 00:12:37,624
Shit, you look like
somebody's secretary!
32
00:12:37,999 --> 00:12:41,249
An Air Force Uniform,
and you get all the pussy, dude...
33
00:12:41,999 --> 00:12:44,624
So I left the Army! You
want me to hook you up?
34
00:12:44,916 --> 00:12:47,207
I'm good pussy-wise, man, and
you can keep your desk job.
35
00:12:48,124 --> 00:12:51,249
Holy shit Hopkins, for all those years
I thought you were rotting in a rice paddy!
36
00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:52,624
How did you survive this shit?
37
00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:54,082
The usual routine...
38
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:58,707
It all started when those fucking
gooks unleashed raptors on my ass...
39
00:14:00,666 --> 00:14:01,791
Fuck off bastard!
40
00:14:06,499 --> 00:14:07,582
Fuck off bastard!
41
00:14:14,957 --> 00:14:16,790
Hey Hopkins, need a hand?
42
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:32,082
Come on, you fucking bastard
commie lizards swingers...
43
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,249
Come on Kowalsky!
Get to the chopper!
44
00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:43,082
Yes, we are gonna have a little party,
oh yes a nice little party just you and me
45
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:47,748
A party, a little party,
a nice little party...
46
00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:57,124
That was the last time
I saw Kowalsky...
47
00:14:57,541 --> 00:14:59,249
He was a nice guy...
For a Polack!
48
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:00,499
Fucking mess...
49
00:15:01,832 --> 00:15:03,248
I wonder what became
of Snow White...
50
00:15:04,916 --> 00:15:07,374
So! What brings you to
the boondocks, Hopkins?
51
00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:09,457
I've got good news and
bad news John.
52
00:15:10,374 --> 00:15:11,040
Good news first.
53
00:15:11,832 --> 00:15:13,123
They murdered your ex-wife.
54
00:15:13,541 --> 00:15:14,541
Shit...
55
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,124
No more alimony!
56
00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:24,207
And they took your kid!
57
00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:28,374
Don't mess John!
It's up to the police to handle this!
58
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,082
Tell me everything you know, Hopkins!
Spill it!
59
00:15:30,457 --> 00:15:32,207
We're not in Vietnam anymore John,
there are laws here!
60
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:33,582
I can't say anything!
61
00:15:33,874 --> 00:15:35,040
Now you listen to me,
you son of a bitch!
62
00:15:35,332 --> 00:15:37,707
You've never been able to put your
dick in anything but fat-mama san!
63
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:39,166
You don't know what it's like
to have a kid!
64
00:15:39,457 --> 00:15:41,040
That's fucking cold, John...
there was that girl in high school...
65
00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:42,416
Where, when, how?!
66
00:15:43,457 --> 00:15:45,623
You have no clue about the shitstorm
you're about to walk into...
67
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:47,207
Walking in is the easy part,
68
00:15:47,541 --> 00:15:49,666
it's walking out without your
dick in a sling that's rough...
69
00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:55,749
A joint operation between
the FBI and the Air Force
70
00:15:56,041 --> 00:15:58,207
has been set-up to nail
a big weapons dealer.
71
00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:02,541
As of yet we don't know who he
is or where he operates from.
72
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:04,166
What's the deal with my daughter?
73
00:16:04,582 --> 00:16:07,582
You will not believe me John,
but his men... they are ninjas!
74
00:16:08,082 --> 00:16:10,165
Shit!
Those fuckers again!
75
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:22,957
I’ve gone undercover into a gang of bikers,
and I’ve set up a deal in a few days.
76
00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:24,957
We are gonna nail them John,
don't worry!
77
00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:18,124
On time, as promised.
78
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:51,999
Do you know why your ancestors
roamed the desert for 40 years?
79
00:17:55,666 --> 00:17:57,999
Because an asshole
lost a coin!
80
00:17:59,124 --> 00:18:01,040
Freeze motherfucker.
FBI!
81
00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:10,499
Surprises!
82
00:18:10,874 --> 00:18:12,499
I love surprises!
83
00:18:12,916 --> 00:18:14,749
I love surprises!
84
00:18:17,207 --> 00:18:18,457
Hey Hopkins!
85
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:22,707
How is your arm doing?
86
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:43,207
Shit!
87
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:54,499
Freeze!
88
00:19:16,082 --> 00:19:17,915
Greetings from Smith and Wesson!
89
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:36,290
John...
90
00:19:37,374 --> 00:19:38,040
You!
91
00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:34,416
Come closer... I'll speak...
92
00:20:48,749 --> 00:20:49,665
Where is my daughter,
you motherfucker!!
93
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,498
It's not a way to treat an old friend...
94
00:21:02,624 --> 00:21:04,665
Reunions, I love reunions!
95
00:21:42,541 --> 00:21:44,332
Hey John! I almost forgot!
96
00:21:44,749 --> 00:21:47,582
If you want your kid back,
I've got a job for you!
97
00:21:58,249 --> 00:22:01,540
Fuck! If I'd known I was going to
die today I would have gotten laid...
98
00:22:01,832 --> 00:22:05,082
Hold on Hopkins, it's gonna be ok!
Hold on!
99
00:22:05,499 --> 00:22:08,374
You know, there is something
I never told you John...
100
00:22:12,416 --> 00:22:14,666
You know, all that racist bullshit...
101
00:22:16,582 --> 00:22:17,665
My old man...
102
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:20,624
He died in a concentration camp...
103
00:22:20,916 --> 00:22:22,041
Shit, Hopkins, I didn't know.
104
00:22:26,249 --> 00:22:28,499
He fell from the guard tower!
105
00:25:46,541 --> 00:25:50,666
Colonel, the American is here,
the American is in Val Verde.
106
00:25:50,957 --> 00:25:52,123
Thank you, Bernardo.
107
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:31,749
Don't worry...
108
00:27:33,624 --> 00:27:35,040
I'll keep an eye on him...
109
00:28:08,207 --> 00:28:09,290
It will have cost you an arm!
110
00:28:13,957 --> 00:28:14,665
And a leg!
111
00:30:36,332 --> 00:30:38,457
Beautiful! Bravo, John!
112
00:30:38,957 --> 00:30:40,957
I hope my little warm-up...
pleased you!
113
00:30:41,249 --> 00:30:42,249
Where is my daughter,
motherfucker!
114
00:30:59,124 --> 00:30:59,915
Jenny!
115
00:31:14,749 --> 00:31:19,249
Sargent Kowalsky was part of my experiments when I was working for the Soviet Union...
116
00:31:20,916 --> 00:31:24,541
like your friend... “Snow White”.
117
00:31:24,874 --> 00:31:26,499
Unfortunately, he didn't survive.
118
00:31:29,291 --> 00:31:31,416
You could have been a
wonderful guinea pig, John!
119
00:31:31,707 --> 00:31:36,040
If only that... goddamn
Colonel Yin didn't let you go...
120
00:31:36,332 --> 00:31:38,915
Well, let's get to the point...
121
00:31:39,582 --> 00:31:43,790
John, you are known to be the best
warrior in the world, and I need you,
122
00:31:44,124 --> 00:31:45,332
to train my Ninja Army
123
00:31:45,999 --> 00:31:50,457
and set-up a new world order,
thanks to my new organization...
124
00:31:51,166 --> 00:31:52,541
The Pentangle!
125
00:32:03,499 --> 00:32:04,915
Kowalsky let her go.
It's me John!
126
00:32:06,541 --> 00:32:07,624
Don't sweat it!
127
00:32:08,124 --> 00:32:12,624
His brain has been replaced by a powerful
4 Mhz microprocessor, to make him
128
00:32:13,457 --> 00:32:15,790
a perfect little soldier!
129
00:32:17,666 --> 00:32:20,541
So... what do you think of
my proposal, John?
130
00:32:21,041 --> 00:32:23,832
If you want your kid back,
then you gonna cooperate, right?
131
00:32:27,332 --> 00:32:28,540
Kiddy wants to say something?
132
00:32:30,707 --> 00:32:32,915
Kill all these bastards
until the last one, dad!
133
00:32:33,207 --> 00:32:34,040
That's my girl!
134
00:32:38,582 --> 00:32:39,873
To the helicopter, quick!
135
00:32:45,166 --> 00:32:46,082
Daddy!
136
00:32:48,999 --> 00:32:50,582
Sargent Kowalsky, stop!
This is an order!
137
00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:22,957
No, no, no, no, no, no!
138
00:33:23,249 --> 00:33:23,874
Yes!
139
00:33:31,124 --> 00:33:32,999
Lower! Lower!
140
00:33:33,291 --> 00:33:35,916
Lower! Come on! Lower!
141
00:33:45,207 --> 00:33:46,373
Farewell John!
142
00:33:48,166 --> 00:33:49,916
I think our little deal is off!
143
00:33:51,666 --> 00:33:54,374
But don't worry, I will
take care of your daughter!
144
00:34:14,457 --> 00:34:16,290
I can look after myself,
you creepy bastard!
145
00:34:24,207 --> 00:34:25,748
Kowalsky it's over!
146
00:34:26,749 --> 00:34:28,082
It's me, John, remember?
147
00:34:28,791 --> 00:34:30,291
Let her go.
148
00:34:33,166 --> 00:34:34,291
I told you to let her go!
149
00:34:34,707 --> 00:34:36,457
I told you to let her go!
150
00:34:40,541 --> 00:34:43,166
What are you doing Kowalsky,
don't mess! I told you to let her go!
151
00:34:45,832 --> 00:34:47,123
Daddy!
152
00:34:47,416 --> 00:34:48,457
Jenny!
153
00:34:49,041 --> 00:34:50,416
Daddy!
154
00:34:50,749 --> 00:34:55,165
No!
155
00:36:34,874 --> 00:36:35,874
You are an American!
156
00:36:36,541 --> 00:36:38,332
But in your blood must flow
Ninja blood!
157
00:36:39,749 --> 00:36:40,957
As says the Ninja Code,
158
00:36:41,541 --> 00:36:43,999
I must teach you the
art of Ninjitsu!
159
00:36:47,791 --> 00:36:48,416
Teach me!
160
00:39:21,457 --> 00:39:25,290
A true ninja knows how to
master the 4 elements,
161
00:39:26,541 --> 00:39:30,249
but you need to master
the fifth element!
162
00:39:35,916 --> 00:39:36,957
Air...
163
00:39:40,957 --> 00:39:41,873
Fire...
164
00:39:44,957 --> 00:39:45,873
Water...
165
00:39:49,457 --> 00:39:50,373
Earth...
166
00:39:56,249 --> 00:39:57,499
and time!
167
00:40:00,457 --> 00:40:01,748
Focus!
168
00:40:03,791 --> 00:40:05,832
Forget all of what you knew...
169
00:40:06,874 --> 00:40:09,082
Don't walk into the past...
170
00:40:10,207 --> 00:40:12,165
Don't dream of the future...
171
00:40:13,041 --> 00:40:14,332
Focus!
172
00:40:15,041 --> 00:40:16,166
And what will be...
173
00:40:16,874 --> 00:40:18,082
will be!
174
00:50:02,082 --> 00:50:04,457
Remember, my American disciple...
175
00:50:04,749 --> 00:50:09,249
only a Commando Ninja,
can kill another Commando Ninja!
176
00:50:12,124 --> 00:50:14,915
There can be only one true Ninja!
177
00:50:16,124 --> 00:50:19,457
But SenseĂŻ, did you train any other
Commando Ninja's before me?
178
00:50:21,916 --> 00:50:24,249
I've had another disciple before you,
179
00:50:25,457 --> 00:50:26,415
very strong...
180
00:50:27,707 --> 00:50:28,665
formidable!
181
00:50:31,249 --> 00:50:32,874
But that person strayed from the path
182
00:50:33,874 --> 00:50:35,790
and was lost to the dark side!
183
00:50:37,041 --> 00:50:39,582
Now they are... a Red Ninja!
184
00:50:44,082 --> 00:50:46,957
The day will come,
my American Disciple.
185
00:50:47,249 --> 00:50:48,374
You'll know.
186
00:50:49,291 --> 00:50:52,332
And you'll have to cross the fire
of destiny alone!
187
00:50:54,624 --> 00:50:55,624
Now go!
188
00:50:56,124 --> 00:50:58,332
Commando Ninja!
189
00:53:41,707 --> 00:53:42,915
No!
190
00:53:44,166 --> 00:53:45,416
Wait, John!
191
00:53:46,707 --> 00:53:47,748
Lori, is that you?
192
00:53:48,041 --> 00:53:49,124
Yes it's me, John.
193
00:53:51,124 --> 00:53:54,290
Lori, your wife, remember?
194
00:53:54,707 --> 00:53:56,123
But you're dead!
How is this possible?
195
00:53:57,499 --> 00:54:00,749
The Colonel Kinsky time travel device.
196
00:54:03,082 --> 00:54:06,082
The Lori who was murdered was a
Lori from another space and time...
197
00:54:07,499 --> 00:54:10,540
So this is why those fucking Ninjas were
always one step ahead of us back in 'nam!
198
00:54:14,874 --> 00:54:17,624
When Kinsky first discovered
that technology...
199
00:54:17,916 --> 00:54:20,957
he first hired out his
services to the Soviet Union.
200
00:54:23,166 --> 00:54:23,999
Then...
201
00:54:24,291 --> 00:54:26,041
as he became richer,
202
00:54:26,332 --> 00:54:28,332
his thirst for power grew and grew!
203
00:54:29,416 --> 00:54:30,666
Jenny? Where is she?
204
00:54:31,707 --> 00:54:35,082
Into the future John, in 1998...
205
00:54:36,416 --> 00:54:38,916
where the colonel is secretly training
his great army.
206
00:54:40,207 --> 00:54:41,415
Send me into the future!
207
00:54:41,957 --> 00:54:43,332
Do it, for Jenny!
208
00:54:53,999 --> 00:54:55,165
Bring her back, John...
209
00:54:56,082 --> 00:54:59,707
Everything could be back like when
we were a family.
210
00:54:59,999 --> 00:55:02,582
You, me and Jenny!
211
00:55:09,791 --> 00:55:11,374
I don't like your new pajamas!
212
00:55:46,791 --> 00:55:48,541
There can be only one Ninja!
213
00:57:09,499 --> 00:57:12,540
Holy shit... the democrats must
have taken over.
214
00:58:10,666 --> 00:58:12,041
I'm looking for my daughter,
have you seen her?
215
00:58:42,707 --> 00:58:46,123
I hate punks!
216
01:00:13,707 --> 01:00:15,415
Hey, dad, it's been a while!
217
01:00:18,416 --> 01:00:19,332
Jenny?
218
01:00:21,957 --> 01:00:23,457
I missed you so much, dad!
219
01:00:29,707 --> 01:00:30,790
How is that possible?
220
01:00:31,332 --> 01:00:32,665
We left each other 20 minutes ago!
221
01:00:35,374 --> 01:00:37,499
I think we've got a lot to tell
each other, dad!
222
01:01:02,207 --> 01:01:03,123
Jenny watch out!
223
01:01:05,207 --> 01:01:05,832
Dad!
224
01:01:36,041 --> 01:01:36,957
Kowalsky!
225
01:01:37,749 --> 01:01:39,457
You fucking commie toaster!
226
01:01:39,791 --> 01:01:40,332
Wait, dad!
227
01:01:40,624 --> 01:01:41,665
I reprogrammed Kowalsky,
228
01:01:41,957 --> 01:01:44,040
he helped me survive all those
years without you, dad!
229
01:01:44,582 --> 01:01:45,582
He is with us now!
230
01:01:47,332 --> 01:01:48,665
Nice to see you again buddy!
231
01:01:57,666 --> 01:02:00,541
There may have been some glitches on
the language pack when I rebooted him!
232
01:02:45,041 --> 01:02:47,374
Did I ever tell you about the
Irish man who didn't want to die?
233
01:02:47,666 --> 01:02:48,124
Hopkins!
234
01:02:48,541 --> 01:02:49,666
Uncle Hopkins!
15783
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