Original subtitles

- So he killed at least five women,

but the police only found four bodies.

- And it's ten episodes? - Mm-hmm.

And apparently, they get the sister to talk.

- Yep, it's gonna be my entire weekend.

- Mm-hmm. - Hey.

Where are you all headed?

Did you see the stock's back up this week?

We should celebrate. Let's go for drinks.

- Together, or in our separate homes?

- There's that cool new bar lounge place

that just opened up.

Sadie, you could feed your cats, meet us there?

- Oh, I don't have cats. - Really?

What's with the whole vibe then?

- Um... - Oh, hey.

Dori, we're gonna go get drinks.

- Is this, like, a mandatory work thing?

- No, it's just kind of a fun team player kind of thing.

[forced laughter] - So I'm going?

- Good God, we should have done this earlier.

Ooh, hey, Elliot. Hi.

We're going for drinks. You're coming.

- Oh, I'd love to,

but actually my parents are in town tonight.

Yeah, I haven't seen them for a while, you know,

but they're stopping over on their way to Puerto Vallarta,

you know, so...

So I'll come for a drink. - Great.

- Uh, what's going on?

- Oh, nothing. - I heard someone say "drinks."

- Uh, yeah, I did.

- Sick! I'm in!

Oh, I finally get to be your wingman.

It'll be an honor to watch you work.

- Don't think it's gonna be that type of night.

- Can you imagine the runoff this guy gets?

Even his leftovers gotta be eights or nines.

- * Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom *

* Buh buh bom-bom-bom buh bom-bom-bom-bom *

[chorus vocalizing]

- Wow, this place is nice. - Ooh.

- Yeah, it's trendy, but it doesn't feel like it's trying.

- I like that the music isn't, you know, too loud.

- Oh, excuse me, ma'am, the bus to the old folks' home

is waiting for you right outside.

- Somebody give Sadie a flashlight

so she can see the menu. [laughter]

- Do they serve Ensure martinis here?

- Right, right.

- Uh, you're lame as [bleep].

- Oh. - Nice.

- I'm joking, okay? She's like a sister to me.

Come here, you big goon.

[phone buzzing] - Oh, my parents.

Probably wondering where I am. Killing the buzz, as usual.

- Um, I'm gonna get us a table, and let's do some shots.

Are shots still a thing?

- Is pouring alcohol in a cup still a thing?

I believe it's still being done.

- Amazing. Order us a round of shots.

Whoo! [forced laughter]

- Uh, is she acting weird? - Yeah.

Her energy's off. She's, like--

- Horny. - Ew, but yeah, kind of.

- Okay. How long do y'all think this is gonna go?

Because my grandmama has a birthday party tonight.

- Uh, well, I'm in it to win it.

Jack, you don't have a date or anything, right?

- Nope. - Noice!

And I assume Sadie has no plans.

- It's Friday night. Of course I have plans.

I am...

- You could make up literally anything.

- Yeah, that's what made it so hard.

- Mm. - Yeah, so just,

you know, let yourselves in, okay?

Have a little rest.

You must be pretty jetlagged

with all the traveling.

Uh, Mum, all right.

Well, let's not get too dramatic, all right?

I just saw all of you last Christmas.

Well, I think Zoom does count, actually.

- One, two, three. Shots!

- That's how you drink shots, by yelling "shots."

- Mmm. - Oh, Sadie's sipping.

- You can't tattle on me for sipping.

I'll drink it how I want to.

- No, he's right. Sack up, Sadie.

Come on. All right.

Let's each go around the horn and share something.

Cyrus, go.

- Okay, um...

there's some interesting AI software

that I'm looking into licensing.

- [imitates buzzer] Boring. No shop talk.

Come on. Share something about yourself.

- I really don't have anything. - Oh, come on.

We barely know each other outside of work.

Let's all say something personal,

you know, something you've never told anyone before.

Come on. - Come on.

- [sighs]

I took a 23andMe, and it says

that I might have that gene for colorectal cancer.

- Well, that's kind of a downer.

It's not exactly what I was looking for.

All right, Dori, save us. - Uh...

never seen "Titanic."

- No way! Me either! - What?

- So seeing a movie qualifies?

You asked for something personal.

- Jack, go. - Uh...[exhales sharply]

I like blue velvet cake more than red velvet cake.

[laughter] - That's crazy!

- But it's the same flavor.

- What did I miss?

- We're digging deep, getting to know each other.

- Uh, Jack likes blue velvet more than red velvet

and Cyrus is gonna die.

- All right, jump in, Elliot. Tell us about your real self.

- Okay, well, here's a fun one.

When I was nine, a bully shattered my clavicle

with a croquet mallet. - Whoa.

All right, now that's the kind of thing I'm looking for.

- Oh, my buddy had his clavicle removed

so he could do oral on himself.

- I think that's ribs. - No, it's--

wait, hold on.

Oh, yeah. You're probably right.

- Yeah, it's ribs. It's ribs.

All right, let's get another round.

Hello... - God, shoot me.

- Ooh, I'm a huge Sudokuer.

- Oh, truly I'm obsessed with it.

- I'm not, like, a nerd about it.

- No. No, of course not. No.

Yeah, not like I'm in a league or anything.

[both laugh]

- Hey. - Hmm?

- Dark bar. You should cover your drink.

- Thanks.

- Yeah, I've just been noticing

how wide open that drink's been.

- You have? - Mm-hmm.

- How late do we need to stay at this thing?

- I think we can leave whenever we want to.

- I'm not gonna be the first to get up, though.

- Mm-mm.

- Well, we'll all get up on the count of three.

- Okay. - One, two...

all: Three.

- What's up?

- Cramp in my leg, so I'm stretching it out.

Don't want to get a blood clot.

[chuckles nervously]

- Chicken. - You are!

- Are you guys hungry? We should get menus.

Excuse me. Hi there.

Could we get some menus, please?

- Oh, great, food. - Oh, my God.

- I'm so sorry, we actually need to close you out.

We have a private event later.

- Oh, no. - Aw, rats.

- That's too bad. - What private event?

The Party Poopers of America Convention?

- You know what? We should just keep this going at my house.

Yeah. - Yes, I'm in.

- Your house? Tonight?

- Yeah, we're just getting started.

I mean, this is gonna be fun.

I will go settle the tab.

- Thank you. - Pay that tab, homegirl.

- Chug 'em if you got 'em.

- My grandmama gonna be pissed if I miss her birthday.

She ain't got that many left.

- Hey, wait.

Should we be worried?

Katherine has never once asked us to do anything social,

and now she's, like, desperate for us to come over?

- Is she moving? - What?

- Y'all, if I miss my grandmama birthday

to help her move [bleep], I'm going to lose my mind.

- Hey, you made it!

All right! Let's get this party started!

both: Hey. - What, are you moving out?

- Oh, no, just Richard is. We're getting divorced.

[sighs]

You guys just gonna stand there all night?

.

- Sorry for the mess. It's usually a lot nicer

in here. Oh, yeah.

Like, you see those dents in the carpet over there?

Just picture, uh,

three chrome nesting tables stacked together.

They're great. Really anchor the...space.

- Totally makes the room. - Sounds nice.

- Hello.

What is this? - Hi, Richard. Hi.

I just invited a bunch of my friends over from work.

- Tonight? - Mm-hmm, yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. Should I have run that by you?

Oh, wait. You don't live here anymore.

- No, you just do whatever you want.

- Yeah. - Like you always do.

- I will. I'll do that, yeah.

- Oh, if this is a bad time, we can go--

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a perfectly good time.

Richard was supposed to be done hours ago.

The fact that he's here isn't my fault,

just like his many shortcomings aren't my fault.

- Oh, that's funny. Yeah, should we talk

about the things that aren't my fault?

- [laughs] - Yeah.

Her narcissism, for example, is not my fault, right?

Her clinical depression, not my fault.

- Well, this one has OCD. - That's not my fault.

[argument continues]

- Feels weird to be watching this.

- Yes, I believe it is basic house guest etiquette

not to stare directly at a couple

while they're actively divorcing.

- Okay, while y'all figure this out, I'm just gonna slink--

- Oh, no, Cyrus, don't. - No, Cyrus.

- Cyrus, no, no, no, no. - That makes it worse.

- I can't even slice a bagel correctly!

- You don't cut it like a normal person.

Normal people slice it...

- I don't think this is any better.

- Did you know they were getting a divorce?

- There's a confidentiality agreement

between a boss and an assistant.

I can't just reveal what's going on in her personal life.

- You didn't know. - No.

I would've told all of y'all. - What are you doing?

- I'm not gonna make it through this night without alcohol.

- You find anything good? - Some white wine vinegar,

skin care products, and some expired hot sauce.

- Wow, sorry about that. I was just working

on a couple little logistics. - Oh, no.

- What fighting? - Totally fine.

- Hey, let's get this party started!

Who wants music?

Uh, I don't know. What do you guys like?

Elliot, what music do you like?

- Well, I like all music, so... - But what's your fav?

Like, what's your jam? - Uh...

just, you know, just, like, everything.

Kind of equally. Kind of, eh!

- Do you not have a soul, or are you

just too frightened to have an opinion?

- Both. - Okay.

All right, we're gonna get up in the club now.

Here we go. Let's get funky.

Oh, shoot. Shoot.

Richard's the one that usually deals with the Wi-Fi speakers.

- Want me to go ask him? - Oh, no.

[scoffs] We're divorcing.

You know, kind of bad timing.

The timing, it's eh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Anyway, sorry.

- [clicking tongue]

- Oh, I know. Why don't we go in the Jacuzzi?

- Yes, we should totally hot tub it up.

"Hot Tub Time Machine," am I right?

- Right about what? You just named a movie.

- Darn it. I don't have no bathing suit.

- Uh, we don't need 'em. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do.

- You can just borrow one of mine.

I have so many. - Mm.

That's too bad for us guys, though.

Sounds like it's gonna be a ladies night kind of thing.

I'm so jealous 'cause I really wish

that I could get in that hot tub.

But you know what? Next time,

I'ma get boozy in the Jacuzzi with you Katherine, okay?

Good night. - [laughs]

Oh, you know what? - Hmm?

- Oh, there are so many bathing suits in the Goodwill box

that Richard was giving away. - Yeah?

- Let me go check. - Okay.

All right. - How about that?

You got to stop saying you want to stay at places

you don't really want to stay.

- Yeah, Mum, look, I want to see you too.

It's just that I'm at the CEO's house right now.

It's kind of a big deal. Everyone's here.

I can't exactly leave.

What do you mean you're hungry?

What happened to the Stouffer's I left for you?

You microwaved it.

Okay, well, if you treat it like [bleep],

it'll taste like [bleep].

- I think I've got some suits

for you to wear in the closet.

- Great. - Yeah.

- Whoo! [chuckles]

How long do you think this is gonna go for?

- I'm thinking 5 minutes to get changed,

20 in the tub, 12 to dry off, say goodbye.

And we're out of here in 37 minutes.

- Nice. Nice. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Ain't it not sanitary to wear somebody else's bathing suit?

- I think it's fine.

- My mama always told me to keep my underwear on

when I tried on swimsuits at the mall.

That's why I said that.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

- She also told me red lipstick would make me a whore.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- Uh-huh.

- Hey.

- Nice suit. - Yeah.

Uh, Katherine said it was in a donate box.

But I can-- - It's all yours.

Just enjoy. - Thank you.

It's a great suit. - Mm-hmm.

- It's just the right amount of pockets.

This one even has zippers, which I can put snacks--

- You know what? I'm gonna take off.

[upbeat music]

* *

- [bleep] damn night from hell.

- Uh-uh, I...

I can't figure these jets out. I don't really use the hot tub.

- I actually like how it's perfectly still.

You can really see everything.

- So when did you and Richard decide to get a div--

- Oh, I don't want to talk about Richard.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. - Yeah.

- Let's talk about other stuff. - Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] - Yes.

- So, Cyrus, so how are things progressing with the EV stuff?

- I thought you said no shop talk.

- I did. I did. I did.

- But we could talk about it if you want to.

- No, no, no, no, it's my rule. I'm sticking to it.

No shop talk.

Tonight is about bonding and fun.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Anyone see that documentary about the Uyghurs?

- Oh, no, I've been meaning to. Is it any good?

- I haven't seen it. - Ah.

- Uh, I-I heard it's pretty sad.

Yeah, lots of people being mistreated really badly there.

- Wow. - That's pretty...sad.

[water ripples] - Oh.

- Uh, jets are kicking in.

- So are we just gonna keep sitting in this fart water?

- As much as I've enjoyed this deranged social experiment,

I'm gonna go.

- Ah, hey. all: Hey.

- I just love that post-hot tub feeling.

- Yeah, it's great 'cause you're not

in a hot tub anymore.

- [chuckles] So what's next?

- Next? Like, after now?

- You know what? We should play a board game.

Do you guys like board games?

We've got Clue, Battleship...

- Hey, Katherine, this has been--

- Oh, wait, what's this one? - Oh, my God.

- Warhammer: Owls of Asgard,

which I think involves us painting our own pieces.

- Oh, wow, look at the time.

I gotta get up early for... [mumbles]

- [yawns] Yeah. It's a bit past my bedtime.

- Oh. - Ah, gotta feed the cats.

- Yeah, maybe we just call it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course. Of course, it's late.

Of course. Go home. I'm sorry. Yes, yes.

- We can stay if you want us to.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, go home. Enjoy your weekend.

I've gotta catch up on my binging anyway.

See you Monday. both: Okay.

- Night-night. Thank you. - Good night. Thank you.

Such a good time. - Mm.

- All right.

Who is in what tennis game tonight? [chuckles]

- Katherine, you sure you're good?

- Oh, yes, of course. Yeah.

No, no, I just don't know how to use remotes,

so I-I just watch my shows on this.

Night, guys. Take care.

You guys know the way out.

- You know what? I think I'm gonna stay.

- You know what? Me too.

- You guys, it's fine.

I know how to be alone.

- No, I'd rather hang out here.

- Yeah, and if Jack's staying, I'm staying.

I'm not gonna go do a pub crawl by myself.

- Wasn't gonna do that. - Right, because we're staying.

- My parents are probably asleep on the furniture

in my apartment, so I don't want to wake them up.

- Oh. - Night's shot to hell anyway.

Maybe we can Instacart some booze or something.

all: Yes.

- You have a whole case of Pappy Van Winkle?

This is, like, six figures' worth of bourbon.

- You know what? Help yourself.

There's wine. There's cigars.

There's caviar. There's gourmet cheeses.

- It's like a doomsday bunker

for the most fun apocalypse ever.

- Yeah, if this was the apocalypse,

it's weird to think that we'd have

to repopulate the Earth.

.

- Uh, this is a $10,000 bottle of Château Lafite Rothschild.

- It was a Christmas gift to Richard.

- Well, hell, if that's how you treat a man,

I'll marry you.

- Well, I am available. [laughter, chatter]

- Mm-mm.

That is way too salty.

- Yeah, dude, it's caviar.

- So basically, this one glass of wine

is worth two brand-new iPhones? - Mm-hmm.

- Worth it. Fill me up, Elliot.

Thank you. [upbeat music playing]

Hey!

- Hey. How did you get it to work?

- I checked the modem, and the Wi-Fi password was there,

so I searched local devices--

- Right. Can I say never mind?

- Yeah.

all: [chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

[cheering]

- Aah!

- * Hey, hey *

[vocalizing]

* Uh, yeah, yeah *

[vocalizing]

* Yeah, yeah *

both: Oh!

- * All the crazy I did tonight *

* Those'll be the best memories *

- Suck it!

- * I just wanna let it go for tonight *

* That will be the best therapy... *

- Oh! - Hey!

- * All the crazy things I did tonight *

* Those'll be the best memories *

[playing Beethoven's "Fur Elise"]

* *

- What song is this? - Oh, it's an original.

- Wow, you made that up? - Yeah.

- That's great.

- * I just wanna let it go for tonight *

* That will be the best therapy for me *

- * You're the best man I'll ever know *

* There's no way I could ever go *

* Darling, there's no way *

* No, no, no, no way I'm living without you *

- Hey, check it out.

I'm Edward Chablis-hands.

- Stop, Wesley.

I have to text my grandma and tell her I can't make it

to her birthday party. She gon' be pissed.

- Won't she understand if you told her

it's, like, a work emergency?

- She knows I'm just an assistant.

That's not an important job.

What are you doing?

- Hey, Mary, I need someone to drop off

a 2023 executive-class Palermo to, uh...

what's your grandma's address?

- 146 Lincoln Street.

- 146 Lincoln Street.

Do the leather seats. All the options.

And write a note that says, "Sorry we needed Dori tonight.

"We couldn't run this company without her.

Happy birthday. From Payne."

- "Dori will get married."

- "And Dori will get married."

Yeah, I need it tonight.

Thank you, Mary.

- Oh, my God. [laughs]

Thank you, Wesley.

- [as Edward Scissorhands] Who's Wesley?

- Thank you, Edward.

- You're welcome. [chuckles]

- Hey, your hands are really red.

- It's really tight, actually. I need some scissors, I think.

- Yeah, okay, let me get some.

- Oh, God.

- Yeah, Hillary Clinton gave me this one

for something woman-y. I can't remember.

- Oh, is that you and the pope? - Yes, His Holiness.

We, uh--we met a couple years ago.

- Wow. What was he like? - Gassy.

- Really? - Yeah.

- That's so funny. I'd heard that before.

- Big time. - Somewhere else.

- Yeah. - And what's this one?

- Oh. [chuckles]

Uh, those are the burial plots

that Richard and I bought for ourselves.

Won't be needing those anymore.

I actually have six burial plots,

two for each marriage,

and I'm gonna end up being buried alone

next to a bunch of cats.

- Ooh. Like the pharaohs.

- [chuckles]

- You know, um,

being divorced doesn't have as much stigma anymore.

I mean, I've been divorced. - Once. Big deal.

I mean, everyone's been divorced once.

Maybe I'm just not marriage material.

- Oh, no. Come on.

How about this? Here's the deal.

In 20 years' time, if we're both single,

we'll marry each other.

[chuckles]

- [sobbing] - Oh, Katherine.

Oh, hey. It's all right.

You don't have to marry me.

- * Tear down the mountains *

* Yell, scream, and shout *

* You can say what you want *

* I'm not walkin' out *

- Don't jump.

[both chuckle]

- Just taking in the scenery. - Yeah.

- You want to join me? - How's the water?

- Oh, it's nice. - Oh.

Oh, my God, it's freezing.

That is freezing.

- Yeah, but if I told you that, you wouldn't have joined me.

- No.

- [sighs]

- Good moon tonight. - Mm-hmm.

- I like a crescent.

The full moon, eh, it's a little braggy.

It's like, we get it.

- We gonna talk about last week at some point?

- Mm, you mean the sex in the car thing

or the fact that Dale wore mismatched socks twice?

- [chuckles] Both of those are crazy.

- I mean, I like you.

I just--I always swore

that I would never date someone that I work with.

But then I always think,

well, I'm spending so much time at work.

If I don't date someone I work with,

am I just swearing off dating altogether?

And I also think that...

[sighs]

I don't know what I think.

- Well, when you decide, you know where to find me.

- * I'm stayin' *

* I'm stayin' *

* And you, and you, and you *

* You're gonna love *

* Oh, ah, ah, ah *

[inhales deeply]

* Me *

* Yeah *

* Oh, ah *

Thank you so much. Next, we're gonna

.

- I love a fire.

- I bet our ancestors

sat around fires just like this.

- Yeah, they were always buying [bleep] from West Elm.

- It's the first time I've ever used it.

And that's the irony: you work your butt off

to afford a big house,

and then you're working too hard to enjoy it.

[scoffs] - Mm.

- Do you ever think about

what else you could've done with your life?

- I used to want to be an architect.

- Oh, really? - At one point or another,

I think most young, gay boys do.

- You know, it's probably the whole Mike Brady thing.

- I sort of always wanted to go to New York

and do the fashion thing.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Or, I don't know, become a therapist.

- That seems better.

- I used to want to be a pilot.

Or an athlete.

Or a detective.

Or a policeman.

Or a fireman.

Or an astronaut.

- So anything a seven-year-old wants to be when he grows up.

- Oh, or something with dinosaurs.

- Oh, a paleontologist. - No.

- Elliot, your turn. - Let me guess.

Haberdasher. - Cheesemonger.

- Chimneysweep.

- Yes, very droll, everybody. Well done.

Please continue to make hilarious jokes

about how British and effete I am.

- Okay. What did you want to be?

- Well, if you must know, I wanted to be a chiropodist.

- A what? - It's like a podiatrist.

Basically--essentially, I mean, it's a podiatrist.

- Now why would you want to go and do something like that?

- Uh, chiropodists make a lot of money.

- That is the most random [bleep] thing I've ever heard.

- Jack, what about you? What would your life be

if you weren't an assembly line worker that I hit with a car?

- I don't know.

- Like, what did you want to be when you were a kid?

- You know, I never really thought about it.

I just kind of take things as they come.

- You don't plan anything?

How does a person live that way?

- Well, a year ago, I was a factory worker.

Now I'm sitting in front of a fire pit

outside of a mansion with a Cuban cigar in one hand

and a hundred-year-old scotch in the other,

so things just kind of work out.

- But for real, was there, like,

a foot doctor in your family or something?

Like, I'm trying to wrap my head around it.

- It's just--it's a recession-proof business.

It's too late to come home now. I've called you a SuperShuttle.

Oh, it takes you to the airport.

It just doesn't take you to the terminal.

You know, taxi's, like, $40.

I'm not made of money.

- This is the softest blanket I've ever touched.

It's merino wool.

- They wick moisture.

That's why they're good.

'Cause they wick. - Okay.

- I'm gonna take mine home.

She's not gonna notice.

- I love you guys.

- Mm-mm.

- Oh, gosh. Tonight was fun.

Did everybody have fun? - It was fun.

- It was. - [chuckles]

Good. I'm glad.

Good night.

- Night.

- Good night.

- You guys want to be buried next to me?

- Excuse me? - Like, now?

- No. No, just someday.

- Oh, okay.

- Great.

[chuckles] It'll be great.

I'm looking forward to that.

[groans] Night. - Good night.

- [chuckles]

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