Original subtitles

The bond between a father and a daughter...

There's absolutely nothing like it.

I always used to say my mom gave me my drive but

my dad gave me my dreams.

As little girls,

we dream of all the big life moments we're gonna share with our dads...

First day of school, first bike ride with our training wheels,

first dance, pre-k graduation,

middle school graduation,

just all the graduations.

And, of course, our weddings.

My gown is going to be pure white with tons of lace

and a train stretching on for miles and miles,

- just like my mom's. - OK, but who's going to help you carry that train?

You, of course.

For my wedding, I'm going to have a simple but elegant pant suit.

You can't wear a pant suit for your wedding, Olivia.

Of course I can.

My dad says I can do whatever I want, 'cause I'm a change-maker.

He says one day I'm gonna change the whole world.

With a pant suit?

All I know is Daddy's always right.

Problem is,

while we're dreaming these big dreams of life with our hero,

no one ever warns us that those same dreams could be cut short.

That we could just wake up one day and...

our dad's just...

Gone.

Hey.

- Hey. You OK? - I just... I'm sorry.

I just really need you to get up.

Liv, it's the middle of the night. What's wrong?

I'm not gonna make it through the night without taking a drink.

I just... I need both of you, please.

Hey, hey. Come here.

Come here, come here, come here.

Thank you.

I'm glad you have each other.

OK.

Hey. I didn't hear you come in.

I didn't wanna wake you, and Ash let me in.

Oh.

Whatcha got here?

These are my famous hot cakes.

Well, thank you, but I can't eat all that before a workout.

Uh, well, my mama always said food is medicine for the soul.

I appreciate you and your mama,

but I gotta get to the gym.

Spence, why the rush?

I know Coach Baker's funeral was only a couple days ago.

I don't think anyone's expecting you to rush back to anything.

I was thinking we could talk.

I know how hard it must have been for you losing Coach Baker.

It's the cycle of life, right?

What happened to Coach ain't something none of us can change.

Look, I really gotta get this workout in,

so maybe later, you and I can tear into that stack of hot cakes.

All right.

Do I call my mom? Do... do we keep her with us all day?

You know what? Screw it.

I'm just gonna call her sponsor

and if Liv gets mad, she can get mad, OK?

Layla. Hi.

- Hi. - It's good to see you.

Yeah. Jordan?

You both look like you've seen a ghost.

Um, no, sorry, it's just

we were literally about to call you.

Yeah, uh, how did you know to come here?

I called her.

I called everyone, actually.

If I'm gonna get through today and not drink, I'm...

- I'm gonna need my village. - Atta girl.

These past couple weeks have been

really, really hard.

Um, last night, I just... I had nothing left,

and I would've had a drink

if I didn't get help, so...

Why didn't you say anything sooner, sweetheart?

Because I'm not the only one that lost Dad,

and focusing it on me just felt selfish.

No one would've thought that, Liv.

OK, we're here now,

so how can we help, Olivia?

I texted everyone

all my usual hiding places for my pills and stuff.

Jordan already did a sweep this morning,

so I guess just keep checking and keep me honest.

OK, this is, um, this is all that was left in the house.

That's your dad's. That's from...

- how did you get... - I took it from his office

the night of the memorial

and I've been holding on to it and, um...

I just... I can't keep fighting this alone.

You don't have to. We can do regular sweeps.

We can take turns driving you to A.A.

I mean, whatever it takes, honestly.

I don't think I can be left alone.

Uh, well, then we won't leave you alone.

- Hey, baby. - Hey. How's Liv?

Impressively strong.

- We're all taking shifts with her today. - Hmm.

And this is why the Vortex rocks.

I'm gonna get a refill. Do you want one?

These baby books I'm reading say that too much caffeine

can elevate your blood pressure and heart rate.

So can sex. You gonna stop that, too?

No, we don't have to follow these books word for word.

We can just, you know.

That's what I thought. Mm-hmm.

Oh! My doctor just got back to me.

She can see us at 2:00 today for our first ultrasound.

- OK. - Wait.

I thought our appointment was in a few weeks.

It was, but she wants to start monitoring me early because of my lupus.

Is that normal? Is she concerned? Does she think that...

- that something could be wrong or... - Hey, Ash, slow down.

She's just taking precautions to make sure I have a healthy pregnancy.

It's a good thing, babe.

OK.

Dad must've ordered this before...

You know, it's weird to think that this... this...

this could've been one of the last things that he did.

I'm sorry, Jordan.

You know, we can just set it aside

till your mom's ready to deal with it.

No, I don't... I don't wanna put her through that.

- OK. Do you want me to open it? - I don't know.

If... if we open it,

that's it.

What's it?

There'll be no more packages, Layla. The...

there'll be no more moments with Dad.

Yo, man. There you are.

Why weren't you at the Baker house this morning?

Was I supposed to be?

Liv called a family meeting this morning.

She's struggling with her sobriety,

so we all taking shifts to help her.

Nah. No, I ain't get the call.

You serious, man? That's all you gotta say?

What do you want from me, Coop?

Sounds like she got all the support she needs, so...

What's really going on, Olivia?

What do you mean? I... I told you. I'm trying not to relapse.

Your father passed and you're trying

- not to drink to numb the pain. - Exactly.

Losing your dad hurts. I understand that.

And I'm sorry for your pain.

But that's not the whole story.

I've been where you are, remember?

You did the right thing by activating your village

instead of trying to go at it alone this time.

And that is growth.

But your village can't babysit you forever.

So you need to dig deep

and find your why, Liv.

Why now do you want that drink?

Take the leap and find those answers, today,

while you have your entire village surrounding you,

ready to catch you if needed.

Coach Baker always had this thing about shoes.

He said respect started at the feet.

I never understood it

until one day, he gave me a brand-new pair of cleats.

Told me everyone always thought his hands

were the key to his success on the field,

but really it was his footwork.

He said I had the same potential

and then every day, he made sure I believed it.

Yeah, he was always good at helping people find their value.

Anyone else wanna share?

I'ma be in this room, same time, every day.

We're all grieving Coach Baker,

but don't nobody gotta do it alone.

Y'all can roll.

- We need to talk about Jabari. - Yeah, I'm worried about him.

He still hasn't resumed his after-school tutoring,

and now he's failed his last two tests.

I don't need to tell you where this path leads

if he doesn't course correct, and fast.

Well, how's that for accuracy?

Liv, you are not foundering.

Just wish you could see yourself the way we see you.

You mean like a cliché that's relapsing 'cause they're grieving?

No, like a badass

who I'm incredibly proud of

for being honest

and letting us be here for her.

But you've been handling everything so well and I'm...

I have not

been handling my grief well at all.

I cry.

Every day.

Mostly in the shower so you guys don't hear me.

And every morning that I can even get out of bed

is nothing short of a miracle.

Mom, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

Because I didn't want you to know.

I'm sorry, sweetie. I gotta get this. One second.

Hello? Yes, this is Laura.

Is everything OK?

Yeah. Apparently, in order to get

a copy of your dad's death certificate,

the medical examiner needs a copy of his social security card.

Well, is it here? I can help you look.

No. It's at his office.

But I can get it another day.

Or we... we could go today. I can come with you.

Sweetie, the bottle that you almost drank from

was in Dad's office.

Clearly, it's triggering for you.

I mean, you're right. I...

yeah, I did find the bottle there, but...

I think that's why I need to go back there.

You know, Nurse Joy says she thinks

there's more to my wanting to drink than just missing Dad,

and she said that I need to use today to dig deep and find

my real "why" if I'm gonna get through this, so...

If you think it's what you need.

- What up, Coach? - Spence.

Did not expect to see you here.

Had to get a workout in, you know?

I can't blame you.

Grief isn't a straight line, right?

If you need to talk, bruh, I'm here.

Actually, I do.

Where we at with the team?

- That should be the least of your concerns. - It's my only concern.

Look, what happened to Coach Baker is horrible,

but I can't change the past.

I gotta focus on what's next, and right now,

that's rebuilding GAU's football team.

We'll get there. Let's focus on yourself.

Has A.D. Barnes reached out about the head coaching gig?

- We haven't connected yet. - And what about you?

You reaching out to our new recruits?

- A few here and there. - Are you scheduling workouts?

- Are you working on new plays? What? - Hey, Spence, Spence,

take a beat, all right?

GAU football still has a lot to figure out

before we can even think about rebuilding the program again.

Sounds like you waiting to be told what to do.

Why ain't you in there demanding a meeting with A.D. Barnes?

When did you stop caring about the future of GAU football, man?

I care about this program, and you know that.

But more importantly, I care about you.

And it's clear that you still need more time.

Until then, if you need to talk

or just get a workout in in silence, I'm here.

Nah, I'm good.

Sorry. That conference call went longer than I expected.

Jordan, please tell me you've moved an inch since I left you.

This is

the last part of my dad that is still alive.

And I know that doesn't make any sense at all, but...

No, it makes total sense.

Hey, when we lose someone we love,

we do everything we can to hold on to them.

OK, but Layla, what if this is where the reminders of him end?

This last box.

About a year ago, I was really missing my mom,

and then this track popped up on my computer

from the recent batch my dad gave me.

It's one of my mom's old songs,

and the chorus goes, "as hard as it can be,

never stop remembering me."

The universe gave me this little reminder when I needed it.

So this box, Jordan, it's just...

just the beginning of your dad's reminders.

Thank you.

You would've never have guessed

that this was just moments after we both got food poisoning

after Dad insisted that we get street fish tacos.

- I tried to warn you guys. - I know.

But Dad was so excited I didn't want him to eat alone.

The memories won't always hurt so much.

Or so they say.

Um, Coop's here to pick me up for her shift.

Do you want me to tell her to come back later?

Oh, no, sweetie. You go. I... I can look for his card.

- Are you sure? - Liv, I'm... I'm OK here. I promise.

- Go. Coop's waiting. - OK.

Bye.

Aah!

Watch where you going, fool.

Hey, hey. Hey! Hey! Hey!

What's wrong with you, man?

You're about 7 weeks along.

Baby's measuring perfectly.

And there's your baby's heartbeat.

We'll get some bloodwork today.

- Wait, what for? - Standard procedure.

Everything's looking good.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

- I can't believe this is real. - I'm...

I'm gonna let you get dressed, OK?

I'll be... I'll be right outside.

Uh, excuse me?

Yes. Mr. Adams.

Are you sure everything looked OK?

I've been doing this a long time. Things looked great.

And the heartbeat. It wasn't...

wasn't too fast or too slow?

- It was perfect. - What... what about Jaymee's lupus?

We're gonna keep a close eye on her and the baby,

but you really shouldn't worry right now.

Well, on the Internet, it said

- pregnant women who have lupus are... - Let me stop you right there.

Don't read the Internet.

Jaymee's doing really well and takes really good care of herself.

For now, try to enjoy this moment.

What was that about?

Uh, I... I just had a few more questions.

- About my body? - About our baby.

Next time, ask them in front of me.

I know how to take care of myself

and this baby, Ash.

Here we go.

Uh...

OK...

Did you leave any food for anyone else?

Yup, but I figured as long as your mouth is chewing,

it can't be drinking.

That's one way to approach it.

I still feel like...

There's a lot that's been left unsaid between us

since my breakup with Spencer.

Yeah, but we ain't gotta get into that now.

Actually, um...

It's important for both my grief and my sobriety to honestly

speak up about what I'm feeling, so...

Well, in that case,

go for it.

Full disclosure...

I used to be jealous

of what you and Spencer had.

You were his best friend at South Crenshaw

and I was his best friend at Beverly,

but truthfully, I mean, there was... there was no comparison.

I mean, what you and Spencer had and still have is...

An unconditional love that most people can only dream of.

It's seen Spencer through some of

the toughest times in his life.

And as someone who loves him,

your loyalty to him is something that I'm grateful for.

Well, since we're being all honest and stuff,

I actually was...

I was scared when you two started dating that I'd lose him.

That there'd be no room for me.

But you made sure there was.

I don't think...

I don't think I ever said thank you.

I learned that from my dad.

He always made room in his heart

for whoever walked through our front door.

It never took anything away from what he felt for us.

You know, he just made the extra room.

That's such a beautiful thing.

Plus, um, confession number two?

I made room for you for selfish reasons

'cause I wanted some of that Coop magic in my life.

Come on, man.

And look at us now. We're not just friends.

We're roommates, sobriety partners,

family.

I missed you, Liv.

I've missed our friendship.

Me, too.

Hey.

How was your day?

Good. You really been here this whole time?

No, I left but I came back

and Jaymee and Asher, you know, let me in.

OK, look, um,

as much as I appreciate all this,

you really don't gotta fold my laundry, OK?

Wait. I don't mind, OK? Plus, it's no big deal.

Hey, how about we watch a movie,

- snack on some cold hot cakes? - Sure.

- Movie sounds great. - OK.

But we warming up those hot cakes, OK?

OK. OK.

Uh, hey.

Is, uh, Asher around?

He's not here.

Um, it's OK.

- We're a little early anyway, so... - Early for what?

Asher's shift is up.

He was gonna take Liv to her A.A. meeting.

I'd do it, but I gotta make it to another class.

I can wait on the patio.

I'm sure he'll be here any sec.

Actually, he took Jaymee to a doctor's appointment.

I don't know when he'll be back.

Is she OK? Did her lupus flare back up or...

I'll do it.

I'll take you.

Are you sure? I don't want to interrupt.

No, you're not.

We was just about to watch a movie,

but from everything I heard today, sounds like your situation

is a little more life and death

so, um...

- raincheck? - Yeah.

Of course. Sure.

Thank you.

Both of you.

Mm-hmm.

OK.

OK.

Yo, you good?

Buster got in my way.

You can't be hitting everybody that gets

in your way because you angry.

Look, I know you hurtin'. We all are.

And I can't even imagine what else you been goin' through

- after being on that bus. - You wasting my time.

- Can I go now? - Man, sit your ass down.

Look, I'll never be Coach Baker,

but I'm sure as hell gonna keep his legacy alive

by looking after his South Crenshaw kids.

Am I supposed to say thank you?

You ain't gotta say nothing to me.

But you can't let your future go to waste because you in pain.

Talk to somebody. Anyone.

Or that grief will eat you alive.

You're probably wondering why I didn't call you over this morning.

You called who you needed.

No, I called who I didn't think I'd be burdening.

You've saved my life enough times, Spencer.

It didn't feel fair to lay this at your feet too after everything.

That night at the hospital,

after I got shot,

you thanked me for saving your life.

You remember what I said?

- You said anytime. - And I meant it.

- So how bad's it been? - Last night was the worst of it.

That's why I'm searching for clarity today.

I miss him so much.

I know.

Oh, my God.

My dad used to love pop up carnivals.

I called them deathtraps in the making

but he always used to say they were like

roses that bloom in concrete...

a beautiful surprise.

What are you doing?

We got 45 minutes before your meeting, right?

Trust me.

Whoo!

You're not serious.

Yeah, you wanted clarity, right?

It doesn't get quieter or more zen than up there.

Carnivals were your pop's thing,

so you already got a connection to him here. Just try it.

It's the closest to heaven we're gonna get from where we are.

Can we just take a second?

I don't know. Maybe play some games or something first?

- Liv. - I'll go up.

I will.

I'm just...

I'm... I'm not ready yet.

How about the basketball toss?

Last time I went up against you, you whooped my ass.

Sounds like you're scared to get your ass beat again.

OK. All right. Let's go.

Game on, woman.

- It's impossible. - It's not impossible.

- You gotta believe. - You gotta just...

It works.

Chill out. Chill out.

Whoo!

Ahh!

OK. Somebody get me a football.

I feel like I was hustled.

- You ready? - No.

But I'm gonna do it anyway.

OK.

I'm up here.

Close your eyes.

Take in the quiet.

Wow.

It's like I'm in the clouds.

This is the closest I've felt to him since he's been gone.

You wanted clarity on why his loss was pushing you to drink.

Talk to him...

In here.

Only you and him can figure this out.

- Spices and frozen meat? - Hmm.

- Ooh, the meat is a little thawed. - Oh.

Mm. I am grateful

you didn't keep that package sealed forever,

'cause that smell would've divided us.

- OK. Really? - Yeah.

But what is... what is all this... all this for?

- Oh. Louisiana night. - What?

Well, I saw a flyer on the table at your parents' house.

South Crenshaw's hosting a "Louisiana night" next week.

My dad must've been making my grandma Mary's jumpin' jambalaya.

He always said he perfected the recipe

with his secret ingredient.

- What is it? - Whoa!

- A secret. - OK.

But now I remember why it's called "jumpin' jambalaya."

Mm. Well, I mean, we can't let this go to waste,

so I say we end the day the same way we started it.

All together.

Family dinner, making your dad's jambalaya, yeah?

- I say let's do it. - OK.

Yeah.

Can I get you anything?

I'm fine...

But you can tell me what's going on with you.

You couldn't even enjoy hearing your baby's heartbeat today.

Why are you so freaked out about the baby all of a sudden?

It's not the baby that has me freaked out.

It's the bus crash.

One minute everything is fine and then the next...

We're on the side of a cliff and Coach is dead.

I learned the hard way that nothing is promised

and now I can't stop thinking about

something bad happening to you or the baby.

You both are my whole world.

You're our whole world, too.

And you're right. Nothing is promised.

That's why we have to live in the now.

Find joy in the now.

Have you thought about talking to someone?

I'm talking to you.

I mean someone that can help you deal with your PTSD.

Someone that can help you start believing

that you deserve all of the good things in your life.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Asher, it's fine.

Really. I got to my A.A. meeting.

Jordan's already here to pick me up. I promise.

I'll see you guys back at the house later.

So, what was that?

- Apology number 9 or... - Yeah, something like that.

Thanks for coming to get me.

Been looking forward to my shift all day.

How was A.A.?

Everything I needed.

All of today was.

I'm proud of you.

You know, for the first time today,

I can honestly say I'm really proud of myself, too.

I think I found my why.

It's the silence.

And not, you know, just, like, the quiet, but

the silence in things left unsaid.

Silence in friendship,

relationship, and...

Especially the silence of death.

Silence is the hardest thing for me to face.

And I think I finally realised that up on that ferris wheel.

And yet you're facing it.

What about others, you know?

People like me who are...

Equally scared of the silence, but don't have a village to turn to?

- What? - I know that look.

- What look? - The look that Dad

always said meant you were about to do something

that would change the world for good.

All right. Let's go home.

Am I doing this right?

Mom, it's just rice.

It's really hard to mess up.

You'd be surprised.

The one time your dad asked me to help,

let's just say I was never asked back.

Do you guys remember the time

that Dad threw out the entire pot

because Liv used vegetable stock

- instead of chicken stock? - Mm-hmm.

It wasn't my fault. He bought the wrong thing.

Asher, you sure you know

- what you're doing over there, bruh? - Green peppers...

Hi.

Hi.

- My dad would've loved this. - Hmm.

Kitchen full of his family and friends, cooking his favourite meal.

- He'd probably even use my mom's rice, which is... - Wow.

So thank you.

Why? I didn't do anything.

This has been the worst couple weeks of my life

and every step of the way, you've known exactly what I needed.

I'm so grateful to have you.

Ahem.

I guess this is your coming out dinner.

Huh.

- I guess so. - Ooh, OK. Enough.

You guys are making me lose my appetite with all this sap.

For real. You two need to get a room, like, asap.

Bro, they already got a room, and I share a wall with 'em.

- OK! Thank you. - Oh, wow.

Can we get back to cooking, please?

- Yes. - I'm hungry.

- Yeah. - What I was gonna say was that...

- No, chill out. - Oh, no. That's OK.

So...

In my quest to embrace full honesty today, um...

I guess we should talk about what I said a couple weeks ago.

Before your life turned upside down.

Yours turned upside down, too.

You know, I've always admired you for how brave you are.

Telling me you wanted me back couldn't have been easy.

And we owe each other an honest conversation about what we feel

and where we stand, but...

I want to have it when we're clear-headed.

- Mm. - When the battle for your sobriety

ain't at defcon four and I ain't...

What were you gonna say?

Spencer,

my dad was like a dad to you.

It's all good. It's all good. I'm just...

I'm just glad I could be there for you today.

And, uh, and we'll have that conversation when the time's right.

That's a promise.

What's all this?

I think I'm gonna bring back "Live the Truth."

Um, I have some things I want to say to you guys

and anyone else who needs to hear it.

The bond between a father and a daughter...

There's absolutely nothing like it.

I always used to say my mom gave me my drive but...

my dad gave me my dreams.

You know, as little girls, we dream of all

the big life moments we're gonna share with our dads.

The problem is, while we're dreaming

those big dreams of life with our hero,

no one ever warns us that those same dreams

can be cut short. That we could just...

Wake up one day and our dads just be...

Gone.

The silence from that loss is, uh,

deafening.

And the desire to run from it...

It's overwhelming.

But I'm here to tell you,

don't run.

Gather your village.

Face the silence...

And whatever feelings come with it.

It can be feelings of abandonment,

feelings of fear.

"I don't want you to feel pressured by me,

so I'm gonna take a step back.

If you need me, you know where to find me."

Now's not a good time, Coach.

Just came to check on you.

Our conversation earlier,

it went in a direction that I didn't expect.

OK, OK, so now you checked. I'm good.

- I'm here for you, son. - I love you, son.

I do consider you my son.

- I just want you to know... - Don't call me son.

I don't need a daddy, man.

I don't need a mentor or even a friend.

- Spence, I... - I need a damn coach.

That is it.

Somebody who's gonna do whatever it takes to win

and get me to the NFL.

That is all I can count on and that negro ain't you!

I shoulda listened to those coaches at TNT and Toledo.

All they cared about was the game.

I'm done wasting my time with you, man,

and GAU football.

So consider this my official notice.

I'm entering the portal.

Sometimes, it feels like anger.

And that was my epiphany today.

I'm angry at my dad for dying.

And hiding from that truth almost cost me

my sanity and my sobriety.

So now I'm speaking my truth out loud not just for me,

but for anyone else who's going through something similar.

- Sorry, Mrs. Baker. I was just... - No, no, it's OK, it's OK.

Preach told me you were here.

Please, stay.

The silence is loud, isn't it?

Leaves a lot of room for your mind to play tricks on you

if you don't face it head on.

It don't matter.

- I don't matter. - Yes, you do matter.

That's why my husband went back for you.

You can't keep carrying all this guilt, Jabari.

It's not what Billy would have wanted.

Tell me...

What happened when...

When Billy went back on the bus.

No.

No, I'm sorry.

I... I've already caused you enough pain.

And you don't want to hear that.

No. I don't.

But I need to.

And you need...

To release it.

Jabari!

Jabari!

All right, take my hand. All right, come on.

All right, use this leg.

There we go. OK.

All right, you good?

All right. What do you say

we get off this damn bus?

Oh! Whoa! Whoa.

OK, this is gonna be fun. OK.

All right. We got this. Um,

we're just gonna go one at a time, right?

Gonna be easy. One at a time. You go first.

You go first. One at a time.

You got it. I'm right behind you, Jabary.

There we go. My man.

Ah! All right, Coach. Come on. It's your turn.

Tell my family that I love them.

Coach!

There's nothing you could have done, Jabari.

Look at me.

There is nothing

that you could have done.

For whoever is out there listening,

I need you to know

that you aren't alone in your grief.

And if you don't have anyone to turn to,

I will be here for you.

Because when you can't hold yourself up,

it's lifesaving to have a village that'll do that for you.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -

Greg, move your head.